#d&da

Our bard tried to slut-shame Isabela. Isabela prude-shamed them back and won. We’re all in love with her.

--- “Just the anonymous tip.”

---

The Prude Bard: “As you know, the templars are coming down on us pretty hard.”

Isabela: “Nice.”

“Let it be known that my horse’s name is Knight Commander Mare-edith.”

“I will go to the baths with you hardcore.”

"There's a group of you. If one of you says 'shaft' and you don't laugh, you're an imposter."

So, I DM for a D&D campaign based off the Dragon Age video games (affectionately dubbed Dungeons & Dragon Age). 

This afternoon my friend texts me:

“Remind me to message you laterrrr about how to blossom into a woman”

So I stare at this message for a bit, confused as all heck. I scroll through our past messages, where I happened to tell her about me writing fanfic (and how some of it’s smutty) and I’m thinking....is this a porn thing or....?

And then I remembered: her character, Greer Hawke, our wild magic sorcerer, accidentally wild magic surged herself into the body of a fourteen year old last session. 

Like. Mid-fight. She was 22 or something. She poofed and now she’s fourteen. 

Which means she can’t boink Anders which has been her prime directive like the entire game.

Walker was the first of the group to wake up after their long night of partying and sex. Considering he didn’t participate in either of those and spent his whole night at the bar, it was no surprise he woke up first. Walking down the stairs he smiled seeing Para again behind the bar while she cleaned up what was left from last nights’ patrons. “You ever leave that bar?” Walker asked her as he sat down across from where she worked. He couldn’t see anyone else besides them anywhere near the bar. Back into the stripper section there was a girl or two working on cleaning themselves up, but that was it.

She smiled at him and chuckled, “Not when duty calls. Not much to do around town here besides go to other bars. Figure I might as well stay in mine and make money.”  She shrugged, “Plus, we’re slow as hell in the morning and early afternoon. Practically don’t have to work.”

Walker shrugged, “Fair enough. I got nothing else to do till my friends wake their asses up, want some help?”

Para laughed at him, “Oh no. I got this covered. Anyways, won’t take help for free.”

“Coffee as payment?” He asked her.

She shook her head at him while cleaning more glasses, “Coin’ll do me more good than you helping out.”

Walker sighed and reluctantly pulled out a few coins and put them on the bar, “Here ya go. Speaking of coins, I pay you enough last night?”

She scooped up the coins smiling at him, “Certainly.” She said pleased, “I told you this last night.”

Walker chuckled, “Ah, well…I was a bit drunk.”

“Tell me about it.” She rolled her eyes at him and started making him a cup of coffee, “Cream? Sugar?”

“Both, but make sure the brew is real strong. I want that coffee flavor bursting through those sweeteners.”

“Just how we like it.” She nodded at him, “So…Pascal told me some of your story.”

“Did he now?” Walker asked, “Wonder how much he got right.”

“You weren’t just any old crime lord, were you?”

“Why you asking me? Didn’t he tell you?” He asked her.

Para chuckled, “I’ve learned it’s always better to hear the stories first hand.” She looked back over at him.

Walker smirked and stretched out, “Most bartenders try to be more discreet about learning the truth.”

“You’re not like most customers.” She told him, “Trying to be sly about it would get me nowhere.”

He shook his head with a smile, “Well I’ll give it to ya. You’re good.”

“I know.” She turned around with his coffee in hand and smiled, “So, Walker, what type of crime lord were you?”

He grabbed his coffee and took a drink from it. Setting it down he sighed happily, “That’s good coffee…” He mused quietly. Looking back up at her his face turned stoic, “I was the peoples’ crime lord. I was a hero, thanked and worshiped in the shadows.” He cracked his knuckles, “Operated out of Port Phishk, the capitol of the Sovereign Trade Dominion. I’d target the corrupted wealthy, steal all of their worth, ruin their name, and give what I didn’t need to the people.” A genuine smile slowly started to cross his face, “Our name was on every alleyway, sung about in the taverns…” He took a deep breath, “Those were the good days…” His face slowly became onset with grief as he looked back down into his coffee mug and drank.

“Pascal said you were betrayed by another criminal organization.” Para halfway asked him.

Walker scoffed lightly, “If only it were so simple…” He shook his head and drank again, “Anyways, that life is behind me now. I run with these rag tag fools making it paycheck to paycheck, more or less.”

“We could use a criminal like that.” Pascal said in a gravelly voice as he silently walked out from the kitchen, “We need a criminal like that.”

Walker quickly looked up surprised. Para also was shocked to hear and see Pascal here, “How long you been eavesdroppin’?” Walker asked him.

“Just long enough.” Pascal smiled and leaned on the bar next to where Para stood.

“You haven’t been here in the morning for years!” Para said.

Pascal laughed deeply, “No, but then again, we haven’t had a man like Walker in here for years either.”

Walker shook his head, “If you know my story, then you know why I left. I’m done.”

“I also know you were doing that shit long before you were Night Walker.” Pascal told him, “You’re a man driven to do some wrong things for the greater good. Just need some motivation.”

“Look, I appreciate the respect you’ve given me,” Walker took a deep breath, “But no. I’m done. Even if you know the story that got out about why I quit…that’s not even the full truth. I’m done. I’m out.”

“I helped found this city centuries ago,” Pascal told him, “We built this city to be a truly free city. The only rules are the ones set by what building you stand in. We built it with the purpose of letting criminals come here for sanctuary…and we succeeded. Any trouble that was caused outside of this city, we didn’t give a shit about. We built the type of city you fought for in Phishk.” Pascal smiled as he noticed Walker eye him out of the side of his eyes, “We’re losing that city, slowly but surely. Someone, some people, have been forming a government in the shadows. They are gradually gaining power too.” Pascal took a deep breath, “I ain’t asking you to take on a corrupt politician, I’m asking you to stop it before it starts.”

“Pascal…” Para said softly, “He clearly said-“

“It’s okay, dear.” Walker cut her off, “Your boss knows a questionable amount about me.” He turned to face Pascal, “How?”

“Your friend who left the letter.”

Walker immediately slammed his hands down on the bar, “WHO WAS IT?” He shouted at him.

Pascal smiled at him, “You know how it goes. If a man asks to remain anonymous, he remains anonymous.”

“There’s always a price.” Walker snapped at him.

Pascal nodded, “Yes there is…yes there is.”

Walker bit his cheek and slowly nodded his head, “Alright alright…I see what you’re doin’.” He chuckled lightly, “Need some coin though.”

“Hold up,” Pascal raised his hands, “I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know the lads name, but I can describe him and tell you more of what he was telling me.”

Walker’s eyes narrowed, “Coin?”

“Take what you find,” Pascal said, “Trying to run a shadow government must cost huge amounts of it, no?”

Walker took a deep breath, “You played me.”

Pascal shook his head, “You’re free to leave and let this city fall to ruin. I didn’t directly play you.”

Walker gritted his teeth in silence for a few long seconds before he finally knew what he wanted to say, “I’ll make you a deal. You let me sit here and talk to Para in peace, and I’ll ask my comrades about taking on a job like this once they finally wake up.”

Pascal laughed and nodded his head, “That’s a fair deal. Should you take it, Para can find me to give you more details on the job.” He stood up and took a deep breath, “I hope to be seeing you and your friends soon.” Pascal then turned around and left them alone.

Walker grumbled lightly, “Mother fucker…”

“I can’t say I agree with how he went about it,” Para told him leaning on the bar, “But he does speak the truth. The freedom here is slowly dying.”

Walker smirked and smiled at her, “He went about it that way because it’s the only way I’ll do it.” He took a deep breath, “Can’t believe I’m actually getting back into this line of work…I swore I never would.”

“What…happened? If I may ask?” She said softly.

Walker finished his drink, “The next ones’ are free if I tell you.”

Para grabbed his empty mug, “Free coffee coming up.”

Walker chuckled and waited for her to finish making the next one. As she set down his drink and leaned back over he spoke up, “You heard him call me Night Walker last night?”

“Yea, you said you were just the latter half, correct?” She asked him.