#d c

i was afraid she might not want to be around me, because i think the last time i spoke to her i was very agitated and made some kind of death threat

but fannie says i make too many death threats, and no one is afraid of them anymore.

fannie brought me some coraseed buns. they had koja nuts in them. my favorite.

you know, fannie is prettier and nicer than me. i am sure that if ben solo suddenly decided to choose a girl, he would choose her. i do not usually trust human boys who date twi’lek girls, but if ben solo dated fannie i think it would be fine. just my heart would be broken, but that is all.

do you know fannie and deirak have still never kissed? fannie says it’s because they want to wait so it will be more special, but i think it’s because she is not actually attracted to him.

he came up to talk to me today before morning session began, and i got very nervous. but then he said “hey chum, i just want to let you know i forgive you for the incident. i know it can be pretty ruddy frustrating when you lose a match, especially when you’re used to winning, and i appreciate that you said sorry afterward. i’m sorry i responded poorly when you apologized. i was still angry, which wasn’t the jedi way. the fact that you apologized at all was pretty impressive, actually—don’t think i’ve ever seen you do that before. and i’m sorry i made you cry.”

“i didn’t cry,” i said. “i had dust in my face.”

“whatever, mali,” he said.

“don’t call me that,” i said. “my deranged mother used to call me that.”

“okay, amalia,” he said, looking at me kind of weird. “anyway, i’m also sorry for calling you a freaky giant girl a while back. ben reminded me i said that, and told me it wasn’t very nice—i admit i completely forgot about it, but now i agree. you’re just the right size for you, and rather pretty in your own way,” he winked.

“save it for your girlfriend,” i said, rolling my eyes, but inside i was grateful to hear him say that. and grateful to ben for sticking up for me.

"oh, fannie doesn’t like it when i compliment her,” he said. “gets her all flustered. speaking of the girl, fannie and i were thinking of going down to the waterfall for a picnic. maybe you and ben would like to join.”

“oh, a double date?” i joked, but deirak took me seriously.

“i didn’t know you two were dating!” he exclaimed. “should’ve expected it, though. you’re always at one other’s throats.”

“first of all, i was joking,” i said, “and second of all, it is very unhealthy that you would assume two people to be dating based on their repeated abuse of one another. anyway. you can count me in. i’ll bring some coraseed bread.”

…no. did ben tell you that? well, ben solo doesn’t know what he’s talking about half the time.

i will not deny that deirak shares some similarities with solo. deirak is definitely not as attractive, in my opinion, but here are some things they have in common:

human

seventeen years old

enjoy writing

nerdy (ben is into history and politics; deirak is into art and film)

opinionated and into debates (but deirak is more polite than ben)

tall and lean (but ben pulls it off better)

see? you don’t even need to meet deirak. just take ben and make some tweaks and you’ve got deirak. he’s like a sprite recolor in a hologame.

anyway, i think it’s really obvious that fannie is still in love with ben. but, from what i know of fannie, she would never “use” another person for selfish reasons. maybe deirak reminds her of ben, and that’s why she likes him. but i don’t think fannie is trying to “use” deirak to get over ben.

besides, i don’t think fannie will ever get over ben. and i don’t blame her. i don’t know what kind of pheromones that guy produces, but they are…potent

i already deleted the coruscant cosmopolitan spread of ben solo on vacation, because i don’t want to support a publication that profits off of misinformation and gossip and humanocentrism and the illusion of the class hierarchy and invading the privacy of celebrities-who-are-actually-real-people, and also. i am. already. kind of.. beginning to get over ben but. you know where i first saw that little holozine spread? on fannie’s datapad. HA!