#cycle 60

I am absolutely gobsmacked as I share the news with you all that my egg retrieval today yielded 22 eggs! 😍

I was not at all expecting a number like this and made the nurse repeat herself when she told me how many they’d gotten. I could hardly believe her!

Our first cycle we got 21 eggs - but I had been over stimulated and had 10 lead follicles over 18 mm. I had been warned to expect a high yield. This was not at all the case this time.

My stimulation period was much steadier. I started all my medications at the predicted time (except trigger, we extended an extra day for additional maturation). I had five lead embryos over 18 mm, half of what I had the last time we had results like this.

*My second round of IVF had 14 eggs.

TOMORROW we will get a call to let me know out of the 22 retrieved how many were mature, and out of those how many were successfully fertilized.

To fertilize these eggs we utilize a process known as ICSI. During this, the embryologist manually selects a single sperm for every egg from my husband’s sample. They inject the sperm into the center of the egg and attempt to fertilize the eggs one at a time. This step is the entire reason we go through IVF because it helps compensate for low sperm count, motility, and morphology.

Today is a great success for our third IVF and a step in the right direction, but we still need well wishes and prayers for the next 24 hours. These eggs need to be mature or it’s all for not! If they don’t fertilize, we are completely out of luck! A lot will be happening this afternoon - hopefully lots of healthy little embabies emerge.

Today when they called Stephen and I to the back instead of turning right towards the procedure center we went left to the meeting rooms - a tell tale sign.

Dr. M came in shortly after and asked me if I’d like to relieve my bladder prior to our discussion. (You have to arrive with a painfully full bladder for transfer). A nail in our embryo transfer coffin.

All of our embryos arrested development at Day 3. They gave them the extra time to grow just in case and found them completely broken down and done when they investigated this morning.

In Dr. M’s words, “I honestly don’t know where we go from here.”

Next week they are holding another meeting to go over all three cycles, every test we have ever done, and they’re going to see if they can find anything they missed. Anything that’s been skipped by. Any minor oversights that make change. Anything at all to make sense why two mid-20 adults in otherwise great health have such horrible sperm and eggs.

There is no embryo transfer today. No hope for any embryos from this cycle. IVF #3 is complete.

Another check in the “L” column for #ProjectBabyRussell

After we speak with Dr. M next week we will know more about if we can do another cycle, where to do another cycle, or if it’s time to move on. Until they’ve had that meeting I simply know nothing other than the loss we are currently experiencing.

We’re going to try our best to not have a blue Christmas without our babies. (27 embryos, to be exact).

Stims: DONE ✔️

At 9:00 this evening we administered our Pregnyl (10,000 units HcG) to signal to the eggs that it’s time to evacuate.

Within 36 hours we will be undergoing the egg retrieval to catch these eggs for fertilization! It’ll be happening at 8:15 am on Thursday, to be exact.

What does the trigger shot do?

The effect of the “trigger shot” is to send eggs into a reproductive division known as meiosis where the objective end point is a decrease in the number of chromosomes in the egg from 46 to 23 (half) prior to ovulation or egg retrieval.

In the process, approximately half of the chromosomes are expelled from the egg nucleus in a membranous envelopment.

If successful this leaves the eggs fully developed and able to be fertilized by the sperm!

After our retrieval on Thursday morning we will get a primary report letting us know how many eggs were retrieved. 🥚

I don’t know how many eggs to expect - they haven’t been giving me any hints so far. It’s driving me a little crazy!

I have read that 8-15 is a good range for eggs retrieved so I’m going to keep my fingers and toes crossed for at least 8 eggs, if not more!

Tomorrow is a “day off” so I will be laid up in bed, hydrating, and relaxing ahead of the anesthesia.

After a super eventful day yesterday, 9:30 came bright and early this morning! ☀️

We began our intake appointment with a weight check. The nurse didn’t comment and I haven’t received a call from my doctor this afternoon with any concerns so I am confident saying that my weight loss efforts worked and the doctor is satisfied with my progress! (How wring is it to celebrate that with cheesecake?)

Following that first hurdle Stephen and I went back to the room for the first of many ultrasounds this IVF cycle.

Using a wand and imaging machine the tech was able to look closely at each ovary and investigate how many early stage follicles are present. This is a good indicator to whether or not I will stimulate to the meds and create matured eggs!

She was able to find 17 on my right ovary! 😳

My left ovary always has been a little sneaky and today was no different. Like always she was tucked behind my uterus and made imaging difficult. Since these follicles are so small they can be harder to find, especially when the view is blocked and only partial of an ovary. Despite this hurdle she was able to find 8 follicles and deduced that the true number is closer to the other ovary’s count. The follicles were clustered together in similar fashions, she just couldn’t get a clear visual to count them all. That’s okay!

They also took a peek at my uterine lining and it was thin, which is exactly what we want at this stage in our treatment protocol. My uterus did the appropriate work during my menstruation and now we have a fresh canvas to work on for this IVF cycle.

These scans are a roaring success! We have more than enough follicles to work with and a beautiful lining in our favor.

All signs point to: GO!

On Monday we begin stimulation with 225 UI of Gonal-F in the morning and 1 bottle of Menopur at night (75 UI). We will be doing these medications from home and won’t have a peek inside until next Wednesday!

Keeping our fingers and toes crossed for cartons of healthy, strong eggs when all this is said and done!

Today is a hard day. This may be filled with lots of whining and sporadic emotion.

The morning drive to Omaha was a foggy one. It was freezing fog that stuck to the trees and made for a beautiful view. A small comfort in the midst of stress and anxiety.

Gonal-F and Cetrotide were administered before we left for our appointment this morning. Hand-mixing the Cetrotide is a bit of a process and not my favorite thing to do. But it’s important, so it’s worth it.

Shortly after 8:30 we went back to have my blood drawn once again and begin our scan. It was during the scan where I realized I have made a grave mistake.

I cannot lay on my back.

The level of discomfort bordered on severe pain as my swollen and tender ovaries were subjected to the pressure of being on my back for my scan. They’re too large now. I was fighting back tears as it took her ages to get the measurement of every follicle.

Having so many follicles is a blessing that not all people have during this journey. Taking 15 minutes to measure them all is a side effect I gladly take on. But today it was almost too much. All I wanted to do was sit up.

Unfortunately by the time I did get to sit up I had agitated my hard-working ovaries and this change in position barely provided relief. I continued to be subjected to discomfort the entire ride home.

The scan showed my lead follicles from 14-17 mm, a great success! They’re maturing right along. Unfortunately, we lost count while scanning so I can’t speak to how many are actually there.

After the doctors reviewed my images and my bloodwork they decided I am NOT quite ready to trigger yet - we need a little more time.

So, I am going back tomorrow for more bloodwork and yet another uncomfortable scan. This is a good thing. We want as much time as we can for as many follicles as possible to mature.

But I just need to whine. Because it’s 200 miles round trip. It’s uncomfortable to be in one position that long. Laying on my back is torture. My veins are tired of being poked for blood so often. This journey is *hard*.

I have found that I can no longer comfortably sleep.

I usually sleep on my stomach or my side. Sleeping on my stomach is no longer an option because it also puts pressure on my ovaries. I can sleep on my side but finding the exact angle that allows me comfort while sharing a bed with my spouse, our two dogs, and 1-3 cats at a time is borderline impossible.

I finally got some decent rest today when I took a nap all on my own, lots of room to lay at any angle required. Thank goodness.

Today I’m just feeling a lot. Physically I’m facing a lot of challenges that push my comfort zone and make me second guess why any of this is “fair” in the first place. Emotionally I’m frazzled and at the frayed ends of my capability. I’m sad, I’m scared. I hate this part. As much as I hate the shots and the swollen ovaries I don’t want this over. Once they take the eggs from me I have no control over anything. I just need to wait, and wait, and wait. And when the waiting is done we’ve always gotten bad news. My heart can’t take another round of bad news. We are at the beginning of where our demise always comes and I’m petrified of what comes next.

But in the middle of this experience and the ups and downs that comes with it I get a package in the mail from my best friend, Dani Victory

She’s been a constant in my life from age 19 to now. She’s seen me fight and overcome so many battles. She’s seen me soar and seen me stumble. She’s loved me through it all. And when I just needed her love and warmth more than ever - she shows up in my mailbox via this angel.

Pineapple is super trendy and holds meaning for dozens of groups out there. But for the infertility world, IVF especially, pineapple is important. According to an old wives’ tale eating a pineapple core for five days after your transfer will improve your changes of implantation. (Because of an enzyme called bromelaine).

If you’ve ever frequented any infertility group setting like a chat room, a forum, or a support group you’ve likely heard about this story. And from the tradition came a symbol to bring all of us together.

Infertility can be lonely - but the fact is 1 in 8 walk this same path. Through symbolism we can connect and be reminded we aren’t alone. Pineapples mean a lot to me.

They’re pointy, they can go through some battles. No matter what they face they stand tall and wear their crown. They’re sweet inside no matter how tough they’ve become to protect themselves from the outside.

It’s exactly how I feel after five years of infertility and multiple fertility treatments.

And now I have a little guardian angel holding a pineapple to watch over me while I get my shots in the kitchen. It reminds me of my strength. It reminds me that I’m not alone. It reminds me that I have friends - ones who will love me even if I let them down with our results again.

It reminds me that even if I’m crying most of my day away and I can’t process through everything, that I’m okay. And I’m doing just fine.

Guess who had their FINAL monitoring appointment today?!

This gal!

We rolled out of bed nice and early this morning to administer yet another dose of Gonal-F and Cetrotide. Injections went okay - we had our first experience with drawing some blood, but it was due to happen. It has to occur at least once every cycle.

We went straight from administering shots to a Starbucks run where I got to see all my friends and treat myself to a drink and breakfast wrap! The perfect start! ☀️

I drove down to Omaha while Stephen got some more sleep in the passenger seat. Both of us are so wiped out from this process, it takes a toll physically and emotionally.

We arrived right on time for appointment - talk about barely getting by! Immediately we were ushered into the lab where my left inner elbow was scarified to the blood draw gods once again. The crease is getting so sore! Following this we went to the ultrasound room for a check.

We began with my uterine lining and confirmed it is still triple layered and 10.5 mm thick. Perfect for a fresh transfer! 💪🏻

Next we began to scan my ovaries. We discovered that my ‘lead follicles’ are 18-20 mm in size. Well over the mature stage and perfect for triggering. In total I have FIVE follicles at this size.

For context: my first round we had 10!

For additional context: my second round we had 3!

While I’m no doctor I have always felt I was over stimulated in round one, and under stimulated in round two. Hopefully being right in the middle of these two previous reads will mean it’s a little like Goldilocks - just right!

Upon making it back home I crashed for a long winter’s nap. 💤 So very needed.

Just a little bit ago I got the call from the reproductive office. The results are in:

STIMS ARE DONE

Tonight we trigger, and everything begins rolling!

I’ll post details on what that means and what comes next after we have administered our shot. It’s the beginning of so much I can barely contain myself.

Took a selfie in what feels like my second home the past few years - the ultrasound room in our reproductive clinic! 😂

We started off our morning bright and early with a Gonal-F shot shortly after 6:30 am. It was a flurry of movement as we got dressed and rushed out the door to make our 8:30 monitoring appointment. (After a stop at Starbucks, of course). This time I did the driving on the way down so Stephen could get some more sleep. Having to occasionally wake up at 3:40 for work sure made 6:30 feel late. An easy drive!

When we got to the clinic they took me back for some initial bloodwork. They checked my thyroid level as well as my estradiol level amongst some other basic labs. This bloodwork will be repeated at every monitoring appointment to make sure everything is progressing as it should. These labs are processed in house and available for the doctor review at noon.

After sacrificing my blood to the testing vials we went back to the room for my ultrasound. I was “lucky” enough that the Christmas carols were still playing. What perfect background noise for this occasion.

During the scan we discovered that I still was showing roughly 26 follicles in sizes up to 8 mm. (They will get up to roughly 20 before trigger). My left ovary was still being difficult and hiding. They also had some issues getting a good visual on my uterine lining but with more time for growth and development we didn’t worry ourselves with that measurement so much.

At noon the doctors went over my images as well as my bloodwork and confirmed that we would be making no changes. They were satisfied with the rate of growth in my bloodwork and my visual scans - so it’s full steam ahead at our same dosage. We will have our next check on Friday.

If I’m honest, I’m a little nervous!

In IVF cycles 1&2 this scan went a little differently. While I’ve always had roughly 25 follicles at my baseline at the first appointment I would usually show up and find my count had doubled to nearly 50! 😳 This time we didn’t see a remarkable change in amount of follicles, just their sizes.

But I’m holding out hope that is a good thing! There had been some thought that perhaps my egg quality was poor because my body was maturing so many at once. It was a lot of demand on my ovaries and we weren’t quite sure what impact it had.

So here’s to hoping a stable, evenly growing, bunch of follicles will produce high quality eggs! 🤞🏻

There are a lot of updates to pack into one day today, it’s so exciting!

Achievement Unlocked: Over 50 injections during our infertility journey (We hit 52, specifically).

This morning was our next follicle scan at 8:30 this morning. The roads were really yucky when we left. We hit a slick spot and struggled to stay on the road at one point - thankfully Stephen has excellent composure and regained control with little concern. We were much luckier than the other half dozen cars we saw pulled over following accidents. Praying they are all safe and thanking our Lucy stars we were safe. 💜

When our appointment began they once again took bloodwork. With this they’re checking some hormones including estradiol, which indicates how my body is reacting to the hormone injections.

Following this we went into the exam room for my ultrasound. The tech informed me that all the other people cycling with me had less than stellar scans and she hoped I’d be the one to change her morning. My heart breaks for the other couples struggling to go through this process. (Approximately a dozen at a time!)

Thankfully, we were the change!

The doctor found 31 follicles to measure.

She is nearly certain that there are more follicles on my left ovary she can’t get images of. Like previous scans it was hiding and further searching would cause me a lot of discomfort. With over 20 follicles on one ovary we know we have enough follicles to work with so an exact count is unnecessary. Instead, they measured what they could see and confirmed the follicles on the left side are on track with the right. Their measurements did match up so both ovaries are doing their best work!

These 31+ follicles have been busy growing. Our larges ones are between 12 - 13 mm. This is exciting! To be a “mature” follicle and have the best odds of producing a healthy egg the follicle must be at least 14 mm. Although, the largest may grow up to 20 before retrieval to allow the smaller ones to catch up. Already seeing some follicles close to this magic number is exciting.

They also got a great visual of my uterine lining! We were able to confirm that it was “triple layered” which indicates it’s great for implantation. If I remember correctly it was roughly 7.5 mm and the doctor looks for 8.5 at transfer. Being a little over halfway into our stimulation period this is perfect, almost there!

A little after noon we got the call that the doctors had gone over all the data from this morning.

TONIGHT: Taking half our usual dose of Menopur to make sure things are stable and not too strong before we start CETROTIDE tomorrow. (Cetrotide is used to hold back the ovaries from ovulating and releasing the eggs early).

TOMORROW: We are lowering our Gonal-F dosage from 225 to 150 until our next scan. This should help the follicles continue to mature at a healthy rate and not move too fast or create too large a spread in size difference between follicles.

We are also adding in a NEW medication Dexamethasone! This is a steroid medication that has been shown in some studies to improve receptiveness of Gondopins (what we inject) and increase egg quality! I will be taking this medication once a day until our egg retrieval.

Note: I’m a little nervous mixing hormones and steroids. Monster ahead?

Our next check will be Monday and hopefully these changes and new medications will be priming my follicles to create the best eggs possible for our retrieval!

The current signs indicate that we may trigger on Monday OR Tuesday depending how growth goes with these lower hormones. This would result in an egg retrieval either Wednesday or Thursday.

We will be keeping our fingers and toes crossed for healthy maturation of follicles so we can be getting great embryo reports this time next week! 💜