And Now the News' Attempt at Cutting Edge International Journalism
The team behind your favourite up-to-date, cutting edge, hard hitting news blog this week attempted to break into the international news game by venturing out to Berlin.
The trip began well, with the team presenting Berlin's infamous "On the Street" news bulletins from inside a portable speech bubble. The German public feel more at ease when their traveling news anchors wear a traveling hat, and it is widely believed that a man with his head covered is at least 4 times as honest as a man without a hat.
Unfortunately, along the way, the editors became dangerously addicted to Käsebrezel. It is widely known that the cheesy bread snack (or "Imbiss" in German) is thirty times more addictive than Heroin, and six times more addictive than Ritz crackers.
This addiction needed to be fuelled, Jean-Paul Laconte was eating in excess of 1200 Brezel an hour with no satisfaction in sight. The quality of news broadcasts became worse after cheese dreams were confused with actual events, the hats were often forgotten, and Laconte and Jimmy Makeshift were left penniless and craving more cheese. 800 million Currywurst (a famous German delicacy of a sausage covered in curry ketchup) are sold in Berlin every year, so Laconte and Makeshift took it upon themselves to start a Currywurst business for the remaining two days of their five day trip to Berlin.
The stall was a runaway success, earning the team a cool million in their first hour's trade. It came to light that whilst hats are considered one of the most important features of news broadcasting, that people are 7000 times more likely to buy a sausage from a man with a hat. The lust for Käsebrezel was satisfied, the flight home booked, and a day's success in the German news was enjoyed.
Normal service will resume shortly.
