#cullen row

Selina: "Did Bruce have kids?"

Selina: "Chicken broth, that's not the sweat of the chicken, right?"

Selina: "Am I a notary?"

Selina: "I hit a robin. Not the person, the bird."

Selina: "What do I put for make of car? Metal?"

Selina: "Just found out the band Haulin' Oats is actually Hall & Oates."

Selina: "Do I put the bear spray on before I start hiking or just if I see a bear?"

Selina: "The cat threw up. I covered it with a napkin for you."

Selina: "When Bruce wakes up, can you tell him a tree fell on our house?"

Selina: "So when you do a hit and run... how does that work?"

Selina: "Please don't come to graduation. There won't be any other parents there."

Selina: "How does eating cold turkey help you quit smoking?"

Selina: "I don't care if the Chinese steal my data. We have unlimited."

Dick had just joined the family, and Thomas just catches her floating above his sleeping head. In a bed right beside Bruce's.

Thomas: Mar, you gotta stop. It's getting a little weird how much you watch him.

Martha, trying to pet dicks hair and just going through it: You see how his mouth is slightly open and he looks dead. Just like his father.

Thomas, who isn't alive enough for this shit: My love, Brucie was twelve when he was born. He may sleep like him, but he ain't his.

Martha, glaring: I am his grandmother, I know what i see. You can sleep on the couch tonight.

Later with Jason.

Thomas: Please come to bed, stop staring at him. This is why dick left.

Martha: ❤️he has your freckles❤️

Thomas: I can assur- well I'll be. They even form the cat shape.

Martha: I'm telling you, these are our grand babies. Our Bruce somehow had them just like us.

Unfortunately sooner, with tim.

Thomas: I thought we moves past this.

Martha: He has his brothers nose, the kane nose. And your dimples. And i swear his eyes match yours.

Thomas: Okay mistress of the house, back to bed.

Stephanie later appears of course, but hardly stays there. But when she does, Martha gets a good look.

Thomas, who has grown used to this: Martha Kane Wayne, she's dating our grandson. I can assure you she isn't related.

Martha: But-

Thomas: No, the incest is in the past in the wayne family

And then cas, their first granddaughter.

Martha: She doesnt sleep often, but when she does she's precious

Thomas: I can agree on that, though I must say Timothy got his stalking from you.

Martha: You really mean that 😍

Martha: I haven't figures how she looks like us yet, but i wish I got to hold her when she was a little baby. Squish her little cheeks and give her all the kisses.

Thomas: Not even Bruce got to

Martha: How cruel of her mother, with withhold him from her biological father.

And then Bruce's little mini me.

Martha: He has my eyes, and my skin, and he is so sweet my love. I swear he is Bruce if he took more after me.

Thomas, who knows how his wife had to fit white standards: He doesnt sleep like Bruce though, I suppose only dick got that.

Martha: And only Jason got his entire face, tim got his mind, and my sweet little baby Damian ended up the most like me.

And then there was harper.

Martha: Her style reminds me of back when Bruce went though his phases. But her attitude is 100% Bruce's. I'm just glad he stopped cloning himself.

Thomas: Cullen reminds me of little Bruce, how he used to hide and shy away from people.

Martha: They were meant to be

And Duke.

Martha: He was even named after you Thomas, our sweet Duke Thomas Wayne

Thomas: who do you see in him.

Martha: I see you plenty, but he has my fire

Thomas: I can sign off on that, I never had your courage until the end

Martha: Don't worry, I had plenty for the both of us.

And finally the best robin of all, Jarro

Martha: He-

Thomas: No!

Martha: He has your eyes.

Thomas: Last I checked i have two, he has one

Martha: My my, how ableist of you Thomas. What would your favorite granddaughter Barbra say about that

Thomas: luckily for us she can't hear

When Bruce took Jason home, there was no reason for his two boys to think Bruce has a problem. Sure, he picked Jason in the street, but Dick and him had met a multitude of kids in the 10 years they had patrolled together, and Bruce never brought them home. Simply a case of empty nest syndrome.

It's after Jason's death that the number of children, and adults, looking up to Bruce and hanging in his vicinity get out of hand. No one in the batfam mentions it, for two reasons. Firstly, most of them cannot admit out loud that they do see Bruce as a father figure (Dick is even guilty of saying Bruce is not his father AFTER BEING ADOPTED). Secondly, because Bruce is convinced that he is responsible for Jason's death, that if people stay close to him they will die, so pointing out to him could make him have one of his episodes.

The Justice League, though, is tired. It feels like anytime the Green Lanterns come back from a mission in space, there's a new bat-adjacent fellow. They cannot remember all of them. And sure, they all have sidekicks, allies and families, but the man is emotionally adopting grown adults. So, they hold an intervention.

The original members, which are all Bruce's friends, makes him come to the Watchtower on the guise of an important meeting, before revealing it as an intervention for his adoption problem.

"I do not have an adoption problem. They are just allies, I have not adopted most of them."

"Not this bullshit again!" Yells Oliver. "We know you. You may say you're not their father, and there may be no paper, but it doesn't matter. We have eyes, we can see how much you care about them. They are your kids, just admit it!"

"What worry me is that you have started to emotionally adopt people, often adults, that you haven't and are not raising, just because they breathed near you," explains Hal. "And I know Kyle asked you to mentor him and has been in Gotham multiple times. I cannot let you steal a green lantern."

"I am not stealing Kyle! I am not stealing any children!"

"Really?" Intervenes Barry. "Because, I haven't been back for long, but Bart told me that Tim's biological father is still alive and even fought with you about Tim being Robin."

"And your Cassandra is David Cain and Lady Shiva's daughter," adds Diana with a smile.

The whole family—Even Barbara on a wheelchair— sneak into the watchtower and start causing chaos and annoying the justice league.

Barry: Ok, who THE FUCK glued all the spoons of the watchtower in my bed?????

Harper and Cullen , in the vents, with 2 spoons and bat-superglue:

Hal: I SWEAR TO GOD, I WAS WALKING DOWN THE HALL AND I SAW TWO KIDS HOLDING HANDS AND CHANTING, GUYS. IM NOT CRAZY. I REALLY SAW IT.

Jl: mmm, sure Hal.

There was, in fact, two kids holding hands and chanting. The kids were Maps and Damian.

Oliver: WHO STOLE MY ARROWS AND REPLACED THEM WITH PURPLE ONES????

Helena and Steph with two cans of Purple bat-paint and a lot of new (and beautiful) arrows for Huntress: 🫸🫷

The prank to J’onn was putting him in front of nightwing for two seconds and letting him read his mind. He was screaming and crying in one.

Day 2 Started with Open Arms from Epic the musical blasting on loop on the speakers and NOBODY. Could. Turn. It. Off. (Thanks to Barbara)

Clark who has been having a conversation with the silent moving shadow in the corner thinking it was Bruce: And then Kon said-

Bruce: Who are you talking with?

Clark looking back and forth between the corner and the real Bruce.

Duke in the shadows: *Giggles and escapes*

Diana: why are all the chairs upside down?

Hal: I SWEAR TO GOD DIANA IT WAS THE GHOSTS!

Diana: sure, Hal, sure.

It was Cass

Arthur: Who replaced all the food in the fridge with Grape Zesti?