Thanks for the tag, @metro-mtp!

I honestly don’t remember what I was smoking the day I selected this absurd username. I think something better was already taken and so I just smashed a couple other similar words together. Or something. It was years ago and only ever intended as my LOZ fandom handle, and it lay dormant until I finally started actually being active last year. By which time, yeah, I’d forgotten what I was smoking when I pulled this out of my cloaca. (Kidding, sorta. I don’t actually smoke anything. Which means I have no excuse whatsoever for my nonsense.)

But while we’re on the topic, why does everyone pronounce “cucco” like “cuckoo”? If we just go with the spelling I’d assume it rhymes with “fucko.” (Pardon my French.)

I'm ashamed, but I admit it...Since childhood I have chased them, carried them around against their will, thrown them into wells and pits, stabbed them just to see what they would do...and finally, yesterday, I cooked one.

And that was the final straw. I am now under the Curse of the Cucco.

Here's why I believe I am now under the Cucco Curse. On Thanksgiving, we took all the necessary steps to prepare, including thawing out the frozen Cucco (again...I am sorry, goddess). But apparently, being my first time de-thawing a Cucco, I did not realize it was not thoroughly thawed. So even after the long side quest of making our own homemade red Miso out of Soy Sauce and curry for the "stuffing"...even after following the book of recipes to a T...our beautiful bird was raw in the middle.

So I spoke to the Wise Man in the Wood again and he told me how to "fix" it. And thus, we did. And thus, it looked even more beautiful when it was done half an hour later. By this time, my wife and I were starving, having not eaten but a piece of bread in the morning! So we decided to skip the step where the Old Man told me to let the Cucco "rest" in all its juices, with foil over it. Who knew a Cucco was so complex?

But nay, we fell straight into the trap of gluttony that has been the downfall of so many others before us, and we did not wait. We also did not know how to carve it, neither of us having carved a Cucco in our lives before. But we believed at this point that all was well.

Inevitably, the curse must have fallen in that moment, because as we followed the recipe book and put down our Hylian Rice, followed by the beautiful vegetable curry stew mixture with sauce, and the Cucco on top, we brought our long fought battle earnings to the table and...it was as rubbery as a wagon wheel tire! Somewhere between the kitchen and the table, I am sure the curse fell upon us!

This time I went to the nearest Great Fairy, pleading for help. And she did give us grace! We chopped the meat into fine pieces, made a few adjustments with the vegetable curry stew, added our brown Hylian rice, and a very hearty meat, rice and vegetable stew was the result. It was not the meal we hoped for, but it was a meal to be thankful for, nonetheless.

We decided the Carrot Stew would have to wait for another time, as all our time was spent trying to reverse the curse.

However, the Fortified Pumpkin Pie was a true Gift from the Goddesses! I truly believe we were blessed with the best pumpkin pie I have ever known in all of Hyrule, because of our repentance and promise to never, ever cook another Cucco again...because this pumpkin pie truly is fortified! I made a gluten free and refined-sugar free shortbread dough from scratch and it wasn't even that difficult, but very worth it, not only for the health benefits but the taste and the cost of rupees! Unlike most pumpkin pies, the fortified was a little spicy, tasted of real and not artificial ingredients, and it blessed us with leftover puree to make an assortment of cakes and smoothies...and I heard the Princess herself loves a good smoothie.

"Tesoruccio mio; domani parto e starò quattro giorni a Parigi".

"Non sarai mica geloso vero se viene anche Carlo, tanto c'è anche sua moglie".

Alberto sorrise esclamando: "Ah, allora posso stare proprio tranquillo". "Divertiti, cara" .