SOBBING thinking about this, because when you think about it Iris has felt care to be directly attributed to control his whole life. they are indistinguishable from each other.
love to bring pain, feelings of disdain, to feel looked down on. Madamās love for him, his love for Lawrence.
There is PANEL, AFTER PANEL AFTER PANEL.
thinking about when he runs away with Lillium, he has his first near-death experience after trusting someone he considered his friend, and he flinches when Heather tries to touch him.
How Iris considers love and acceptance to be a thing to be earned. Being needed over being loved, because love historically brings pain for him. Not only from the person he loves, but as a result of feeling the emotion at all.
butā¦Lillium is different. Heās refreshing, he doesnāt care to hurt Iris, give him any empty reassurances or go around in psychological circles to not say what he means. Heās blunt, honest, and understanding.
Heās a breath of fresh air, in every way. Air has learned to have no attachments, to have no physical or emotional home. Lillium is not close with anybody else in the valley, he lives pretty much on the outskirts, and rarely comes home. Whatās the point? Itās just a place to sleep and eat, nothing else.
Lillium is absent, as he always has been.
before he realizes thatās not gonna cut it with Iris.
They become proper roommates. Iris wants a home, and he decides giving it shouldnāt be much trouble. But as we discover later, Lillium has his own inner conflict about this new closeness with a person. He may not be PHYSICALLY absent. But remains emotionally distant
Remember that Lillium CANNOT let himself get attached to people, because he loves HARD. He has a big heart, but the last time he had someone he cared deeply for, it was his familyā¦and they died, leaving him with the emotional scars of it. He doesnāt know how to go about this when he doesnāt want it.
this scene strikes me every time I see it because Lillium has already (whether heās aware or not) begun to see Iris as his family. and heās still very much not over what happened. he doesnāt even THINK before jumping this guy.
Lillium is scared to be asked to love, but heās scared to death of LOSING those he loves more. Even more Iād it would be his failure to protect them that gets them harmed.
He says it himself, that he has purposely been keeping distance from Iris when he gets too close to the truth, saying itās none of his business, and they donāt matter to each other, trying to fall into āWork Companionsā or āChance Acquaintancesā roles heās had in the past, because feeling like he might actually care about someone is scary.
But Iris STILL considers Lillium the only person left in his life that he can trust.
my theory beyond the obvious?
Lillium doesnāt ācareā about him. At leastā not in the way Iris knows care. He isnāt bossy or fussy, he takes Iris seriously, honestly compliments him without lingering, and makes fun of him lightheartedly. Iris has never had any friendship like this, period.
but over the course of the story, Lillium re-learns what it means to have family, to have someone to protect. And his walls donāt come down as much as theyāreā¦sent crashing down.
he begins to warm up and realize the extent of his care for Irisā¦itās already there, he canāt help it, and if heās going to love someone he is not about to lose them like his mother and sister, heās going to do this right. Heās not going to run from his own heart anymore.
now, the real tragedy is this.
that Iris has never known care and genuine worry to be separate from manipulation and control. When Lillium tells him that heās taking too many burdens he shouldnāt, and that it isnāt his responsibility alone, starts trying to keep him out of the actionāheās angry, heās hurt !
because Lillium was supposed to be the one person who WOULDNT do this to him, who wouldnāt ācareā
without knowing that wanting someone to let you hug them, and wanting someone to be under your control, theyāre not the same.
so you see it, it makes devastatingly perfect sense for their characters thatā¦
Wellā¦.
\\a love letter to Velinxiās comic which not only has beautiful art, but psychologically beautiful character writing :ā) //
