Imagine being in a dark romance and knowing it, and the fucking main lead keeps trying to befriend you. Like NO bitch stay the FUCK away from me I do not want the freakazoids to know I exist. But you also can’t be rude otherwise the love interests will maul you so you’re in this weird position where you’re just trying to fade away into the background as if you were like a gentle summer breeze but you keep getting yanked back into character-who-could-possibly-get-a-spinoff-sequel-with-the-love-interest-who-didn’t-get-picked status. So imagine a conversation going like this:
Dark Romance Love Interest: You have bumped into me and stained my Prada suit with sparkling water. Pay me three-thousand dollars for the dry-cleaning and go fuck yourself.
You, the Side Character: Yeah sure!!! I am so sorry here’s your three-thousand dollars never speak to me again—
The Main Character: They will not pay you three thousand dollars! Who do you think you are. You bumped into them. Apologize immediately to my dear friend who I am very close to and am always around and is a liability in case you decide to become an unhinged stalker.
You, the Side Character: I have never seen this person in my life. Do no listen to them, as they appear to be a deeply disturbed individual. I wouldn’t know, though, because I don’t know them. Here is you three-thousand dollars—
The Main Character: What are you talking about? You are my closest friend who info-dumped me on the potential love interests and made me feel less alone as the only scholarship student on this ultra-elite university for the privileged. We’ve known each other for three days. You! Apologize to them immediately.
Dark Romance Love Interest: Wow! Nobody has spoken to me to me like that before. I will remember you and your friend who defied me and will proceed to stalk you and bully you relentlessly. Isn’t that right, Group of Unhinged Love Interests Who Are My Friends?
Group of Unhinged Dark Romance Love Interests: Yeah
The Main Character: Bring it on! Me and my friend will take whatever you throw at us.
You, the Side Character, in tears: What’s your Venmo I will pay you the three grand right now—
“Deeply distributed individual-“ I’m so weak please is it okay if I write this I have been dying at this for the past ten minutes
