#crisisbabe

there are so many people i love and care about in this year that i couldn't possibly tag everyone, but if i had to tag some bitches--

@perkysbud you know i love you. you know i would do anything for you. you have been a rock in my life this past year and a constant i can lean on. i really and truly don't know what i would do without you. you're my best friend and favorite writing partner, i know that's SOMETHING TO SAY AND MIGHT BE UPSETTING FOR SOME. but like. i have so many characters and universes built with you. that's important and special to me. LIKE YOU.

@storiem you have become one of the coolest people i know and someone i trust so completely. you've easily wedged yourself into my life in a way that wouldn't be the same without you. i am so grateful for how close we've gotten in the last year. i cannot wait to continue that friendship and just watch it grow.

@witchdoctrines listen to me when i say you are still one of the easiest people i know and can talk to. you are someone i can speak to without judgement and yet with so much care for my well being. i know i can rely on you and that's something that means the world to me.

@zoomingupthathill really and truly, bee, you have also become a fast and easy friend. we've gotten closer in the last few months and i am beyond grateful for that. you're so understanding and so patient and just this good soul who means well. i want nothing more than the best for you. you deserve that and i hope the new year is kind to you.

@crisisbabe i literally went to LA with you this year and had the time of my life. it is a trip i will always and forever cherish, just like how i cherish my friendship with you. you're someone i know i can have conversations with no matter how hard they can be. you're one of my constant favorites and i cannot wait to spend more time together.

@storiesbreathed ali you are one of the nicest, easiest, and kindest souls to get along with. you have so much love in your heart and have such a kindness that i've never seen in anyone else before. i am so lucky to call you a friend for another year. im also so sorry for my behavior at hotpot. i'll check myself next time LMAO

@forwardmoved KOURT. i love you, okay? i love being silly with you and joking with you. i love writing with you and playing games (even if it was that one time on FN-- there will be more.) you are so real and genuine in the way you go about yourself and i admire that. i admire you and your writing. you're so creative and i am blessed to have you in my life.

@crisisbabe , from lex : "all of my best moments are the ones that have you in them."

the words are bittersweet, and he can't help but smile. it's a small, knowing smile with something in his eyes as he looks at lex. the situation that they've found themselves in is bittersweet. more often than not, they've found themselves talking these days, reminiscing. and it isn't always good. they aren't who they were when they first met, or a couple of years after they started to date-- that's natural. but they've also put themselves through terrible grief and, maybe, any normal person who prioritized their sanity wouldn't find themselves in their current position. they're far from normal, but they have a kid. a kid that ethan hadn't known about, for years, although who's to blame for that they've long put in the past. they're trying to make it work, like normal people.

and it's easier to focus on the now and what they need to do to keep their kid safe and happy, but it can't be helped that they hesitate. they linger in their past. their relationship hadn't been bad-- it wasn't perfect, but they didn't need to be perfect. there's no denying the tug on his heartstrings as he contemplates the right thing to say, because he's been careful around her. neither one of them wanted to overstep boundaries and ruin what an already fragile relationship that they have. but the fact of the matter is that all of the best moments that he has, for as long as he can recall, are the ones that have her in them.

ethan still loves her. he always has, he always will love her. even when he made it a point to say that he didn't want to be in a relationship with her again. he'd moved on. however, every second that he spends with her and their daughter, he feels that wall he's put up slowly started to be chipped away again. he's been fighting it, telling himself that it's natural that he feels that way because she'd been his entire world at one point-- what if he needed her after all? what if that isn't necessarily a bad thing?

they've found themselves sitting on her perfectly average couch, absolutely nothing wrong with it, his head propped up by his arm along the back of the couch. his smile widens a smidgen, a brow raising as he momentarily questions the statement. because he knows better, that although they're talking about them right now, that she still had hannah and she had katie. they've had each other-- he refuses to believe that she hadn't been able to enjoy the life that she deserves, even without him.

emma had been married to paul for a little over a year. the two dated for two years before they had a quiet little ceremony in a chapel ( where emma surprisingly didn't burst into flames - maybe because it was non-denominational ) and things were fine. content. maybe that was where she ran into issues. she tried to fit a mold of being fine and content, but emma was restless. it was the same routine every day of get up, work, come home, dinner, bed, and it was a life that she internally was struggling with. she loved paul, sure, but there was this small voice in her head that kept a doubt in her mind that she got married because she felt it made sense. like she was supposed to check that box after a certain amount of time.

she had found a thrill in a way that would have made past emma's eyes roll into oblivion. she wished she could have said it was an accident, but she was the one who initiated what had turned into an affair. with ted spankoffski, nonetheless. god, she wasn't any better than charlotte sweetly or linda monroe, and if she thought about it too much, she'd lose her lunch.

speaking of . . .

she had been sick for about a week now. hit by what felt like a freight train and unable to do much than to make a line between her bed and the bathroom. paul doted on her when he was home, and when he went to work, jane tried to take over in between appointments. emma wanted it so badly to be the flu, but finally, she had caved in that morning and had taken a test. it could be paul's, after all, right? they were . . . intimate, as he said. but there was another possibility that this affair was about to blow up right in her face. or maybe ted would fuck off and leave her in the dust. that'd be easier, honestly.

and then there it was, bold and right in her face, and the word 'pregnant' burned in her mind until @crisisbabe was coming over on her lunch. emma was curled up on the couch in a blanket cocoon, and she could smell the soup that was wafting from the plastic bag jane set on the coffee table in front of her. her stomach growled in response, but she knew it'd instantly make her queasy. the guilt wasn't helping the matter either.

" you know, you don't have to do all of this, " emma grumbled from where her face poked out from her blanket.

" let me take care of you. "

hello, pioneer! @crisisbabe emily's dress is long-dried from her foray into the columbia river, and her hair is only slightly damp after hours of play in the lake. still, she sits cozied up to the fire, wool blanket draped around her and mama's shoulders, as emily lays her head against her mother's shoulder. the hour grows late, and yet she continues to fight off sleep.

“you ever been to california, pop?”

                    ❛  I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU.  ❜     she doesn’t curse often, uses the word happy with even less levity, but some things are worth celebrating. custody is among them. pamela foster will rot in prison for years, and by the time she gets out, the foster sisters will be gone. em is determined to do everything in her power to help them get to where they need to be. away from this town, and that trailer, and the vile woman who dared to call herself their mother.