#corporatefrog

✧.* tags: college au, road trips, ✧.* Charactions: kyle broflovski, stan marsh, kenny mccormick, butters scotch a/n: I drove home to visit family this weekend and the 5 hours drive always drags. so i made up driving buddies to pass the time lol masterlist

Kyle

He definitely drives. Not because he prefers driving but because he refuses the thought of someone else being in control of the car that isn’t his mom (sheila is def a crazy driver but he’s desensitized)

He’s a good driver though. ALWAYS uses a turn signal, even if there isn’t a car behind you

“Kyle we haven’t seen anyone for 20 minutes, why are you using your blinker to change lanes”

“Well i thought i saw headlights in my rearview”

“That’s the stoplight we just passed-”

I feel like he’d love a good road trip. Airports are too stressful and driving means you can chit chat and get actual food and not hear a baby screaming for 3 hours

PODCAST LISTENER

He’s got at least 5 episodes downloaded depending on the genre you want

Like listening to commentary or informative podcasts so you guys can talk about them together

“So I downloaded a podcast about the history of Jeoprady and a few episodes of a JK Rowling audio- documentary- thing.”

“Have I told you that you are the best person ever” 

“Yeah, but you could tell me again”

Kenny

LOVES ROAD TRIPS!

Blasting music! Head out the window! Going 85 on a 55 back road! Let him in the car!

Prefers to be a passenger so he can be silly without risking the car crashing

He always has to stop for snacks at the beginning so you can munch on the way (and because gas station snacks are the absolute best) 

“Corn nuts?”

“Check”

“Bugles?”

“Check”

“Muddie Buddies?”

“Double check”

He’s got a mega playlist full of both of your favorite car jams that he updates regularly 

Definitely a ton of Black Eyed Peas

And some tyler the creator too probably

If you’re going on a longer trip, he is OUT after 4 hours

Absolutely drooling, head turned to a weird angle that’ll give him a huge crick in the neck once he’s up, but god DAMN is a restful

He’s up in 45 minutes and ready to party some more

If you’re driving through the night, he likes to stop and pull to the side of the road so you can look at the stars

And so he can piss

Stan

Give him aux or he will cry

Whereas kenny knows the difference between car vibe music and home vibe music, stan does not

Bro definitely put every fall out boy song EVER on there

Which like, you’re not complaining. 

He probably likes to switch drivers every few hours so you both can take a break and enjoy the drive.

He prefers being the passenger though, he likes staring out the window and unfocusing his eyes so everything blurs together

Probably enjoys flights a bit more honestly

“I mean, it’s like 2 hours and you’re there!”

“2 hours + 1 for getting to the airport + 2 for getting through security + 1 for waiting to board + 1 for landing” 

“Yeah and??? You don’t have to drive??”

Randy probably had a shit ton of frequent flier miles for some reasons so the marshs were a flying family for sure. 

Butters

Passenger princess.

Give him a blanket PLEASE

Whenever you stop for gas, he finds the BEST trinkets

“Look at this air freshener I found! It smells like honeysuckle! Can we put it in the car for the rest of the drive?” 

Likes to having music playing low so it’s just in the background while you guys talk

Definitely brings mad libs

“Okay can i have an adjective”

“Uh,,, Smelly >:)”

Bro starts GIGGLING 

He’d like to go on the drive just to play road trip games with you

Doesn’t know how pumping gas works

“YN!! You have to stop the gas!”

“What do you mean butters, the tank isn’t full”

“But it’ll overflow if you just let it keep going!”

“What-”

The sweetest driving buddy ever

✧.* tags: college au ✧.* Characters: tweek tweek, jimmy valmer, craig tucker, clyde donavan, tolkien black, kenny mccormick (momentarily), kyle broflovski (momentarily) a/n: i had these written up for a few days but i finally had time to type them up!

masterlist

✧.* tags: superhero au, college au

✧.* Characters: stan marsh, kyle broflovski, kenny mccromick, butters stotch

a/n: i ran into a bit of a wall with team craig but i'm going to give it another go tomorrow!

masterlist

Stan:

You send him a text saying you won’t be at the next dnd session because your in the hospital with a broken rib 

Straight up just says “I’m sorry”

Nothing else. He doesn’t know how to talk to people. 

You saw him dealing with kenny dying, he does NOT know what to say

He’s freaking the fuck out though irl. Are you okay? What if you aren’t okay? What is he going to do if you aren’t okay?

He comes to visit you when you tell Kenny and Kyle and they DRAG him into the room

He got you a giant fucking basket of random stuff that doesn’t really apply to you but you appreciate it nonetheless

“Are there any broken rib vitamins in here?”

“Those are a thing? I didn’t realize they made those. I can go grab some right now-”

“I fucking with you, dude. Thank you for the basket :)”

Kenny: 

You’re talking to him normally, chatting about your day

Then he asks if you want to get pizza, smoke, and watch Rango

“Oh sorry, I’m in the hospital rn so probably not tonight"

"WHAT???"

"yeah my bus was hit by the stampede of cows from the villain attack yesterday"

You get no response

But that’s because 5 minutes later, kenny is standing in the doorway of your hospital room with a slushie from 7/11 in hand

It was the only thing he thought to get you (because who doesn’t love a slushie?)

You’ve got a few bruises and a hairline fracture on your ankle but Kenny acts like you are on death’s door

“Just don’t go towards the light” 

“If you really thought I was dying, you should’ve brought me more than slushie.”

“Should I have brought 2 slushies?”

Becomes your personal errand boy until you’ve recovered. 

Hungry? He’s got your grocery list and a recipe printed out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

Bored? Time for a movie marathon.

Need help with class? He’s dragging kyle down the hall for whatever you may need. 

Butters:

He was there when you got hurt because you were trying to film a fight and the coon miscalculated his landing spot, landing on a bunch of trash cans and sending a lid hurtling towards you

Obviously as butters, he’d rush over and help you 

But he was PROFESSOR CHAOS

And what is more chaotic than a civilian being included in the battle? 

But this wasn’t any civilian, it was YOU 

And he’ll ground HIMSELF if he lets someone get away with hurting you >:(

He’d shout out a “TIME OUT” which mainly just confuses everyone (as any agent of chaos would do)

But it’s enough time for him to grab you and run away from the fight to his LAIR OF CHAOS where general disarray is able to give you a check up

After working with chaos for a few years, general disarray realized there needed to be someone with medical training so he took a few courses at the community center and now he’s on his way to being a registered nurse! 

Doesn’t stop apologizing even though you tell him it wasn’t his fault. 

Takes all of his stuffed animals from his bed and brings them over to you so you’re not alone while you wait for Disarray to give you the go ahead to go home 

Kyle

Probably asking why you weren’t in class and you tell him you’re in the hospital

Thinks it’s a joke at first 

But you send him a picture of you hooked up to the heart monitor

The coon had used you as a human shield during a fight with a villain and you ended up getting hit with an energy blast by Solar Flare (bebe’s supervillain persona hehe)

He calls you instantly

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Don’t kill him, kyle”

“Too late. I'm killing him. This is too fucking far.”

“Aw you care 🙂”

“No i just needed a reason to finally put that fucker in the ground.”

“Oh sure, just be mean to the person hooked up to fucking life support”

“YOU'RE ON LIFE SUPPORT?!”

“No, I just wanted to see how you’d react.”

“When i’m done killing cartman, you’re next.”

Spoiler alert: he was joking. 

He brings you flowers and a sudoku probably 

And the notes from the class you missed like the absolute king he is

Talks to the doctor when you get discharged and basically becomes a live-in nurse

“The doctor said you need to limit your screen time while you recover. Do your crossword instead” 

Okay fucking MOM

Just kidding it’s sweet

✧.* tags: college au, neighbors, superhero au

✧.* Characters: stan marsh, kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, butters scotch

a/n: i didn't know how to introduce or end this piece so i made it a mix of headcannons/oneshot! do you guys prefer reading one over the other? i lowkey think a miraculous au with the superheros would be SO COOL

masterlist

living in the same apartment building means it's super easy to have SLEEPOVERS!! 

Butters usually joins you, but he said he was feeling under the weather today :(

just dance is a MUST 

Kyle and Kenny get really into it 

Stan definitely is the type just to move his arm 

"why are you guys doing the legs too, it only tracks the remote"

"it tracks you SPIRIT too Stan that's why you're fucking losing"

"you're literally in last place Kenny"

the night always ends with a funny or scary movie 

but tonight when you're setting up, a notification interrupts you 

Four phone's simultaneously erupt in the iconic bird tweet, screens around the room lighting up with the same words: 

ALERT: Villain activity has been spotted in the park! Unknown plants with spiked teeth have sprouted from the ground and have begun eating local teens. 

I went to grab my phone, squinting to see the words from the bright screen in the dark room.

"Dude, what the fuck-"

"I HAVE TO GO WATER MY PLANTS!" Kenny suddenly shouted, running out the door before any of us had a chance to react. 

I turned to look at Kyle but he'd already gotten up from the couch and was lacing up his shoes. 

He looked up and met my gaze, giving an apologetic smile before standing, "Sorry, yn, I just remembered I've got a paper due tomorrow and I've got to finish a few paragraphs still." He explained, rushing out the door in a similar style to Kenny. 

But Kyle finishes his papers a week before theyre due. why would he still need to write a few paragraphs?

"Do you know what's up with them?" I asked, turning to the kitchen where Stan was making popcorn. Well, was as in past tense. By the time I turned to the kitchen, Stan was gone with a bowl of popcorn sitting on the counter. 

Hearing the doorknob turn, I whipped my head around to see Stan halfway out the door. 

He paused with one foot out when he noticed my eyes on him.

"uh…" he trailed off, searching for the words for his reason, "We'll do this tomorrow! bye yn!" and with that, Stan Marsh shut the door and I was sitting alone in my apartment. 

What the fuck just happened?

Without anything else to do, I decided to put on my shoes as well and investigate what was happening in the park. I had a youtube channel to run, after all. And who knows, maybe I'll get some good superhero shots tonight!

Halfway to the park, my wish comes true. Through the sky, a blur of color speeds through the air. 

That’s got to be Human Kite!

I pull out my phone and aim it towards the sky, zooming in on his face as he looks down. Through the screen, I can see his eyes widen as his mouth moves in words I can’t hear. Suddenly, he’s nose diving towards the ground. I worry he’s going to crash but he pulled up at the last second and lands on his feet. 

"You really shouldn't be in this area, we don't know how far the plant problem has spread." He holds up a hand to block your camera as he speaks to you. Human Kite always was more camera shy than the others. It was rare that you got a good shot of him during your on-site reporting. 

God damnit, Kite, I’m trying to speak for the people here!

"That's exactly why I need to be here! how else are the people of south park going to know the true events!" You refute, moving the camera above his hand to refocus my frame. 

Down the street, a plant burst through the concrete, purple and green spotted head screaming at an ear piercing volume. The head lunged at a teen trying to escape on their bike, cutting off their cries of terror with a single chomp. 

“See that! That’s the type of truth the people of South Park need to see!” I exclaimed, leaning to the right to zoom in on the plant happily crunching on the teen as muffled cries of “oh god!” and “Why, Jesus! WHY!” echoed down the street. 

Human Kite stepped to the right, blocking my frame, “I’m serious, this area is extremely dangerous. You need to get as far away as-” The jaws of a mutant plant closed around him before the sentence could finish. I scrambled away from the plant, clutching my phone close to my heart in case it attempted to beat out of my chest. 

“NO!” A shout sounded from behind me. I spun with my camera to catch Toolshed rushing down the street with a weed wacker in hand. 

“KY- I MEAN KITE, HUMAN KITE!” He stuttered, likely due to the stress of watching your partner in crime fighting be eaten by a giant piranha plant. It was at this point he noticed you standing there, camera still held up to catch his expression shift. 

“Uh- Civilian! You need to get back!” He said, holding out an arm between me and the plant to push me back. I lifted my arms to keep my shot clear. 

“No, no, it’s alright! I’m just here to film this for the town! I’ll just be back here, this camera has a great zoom.” I flashed the snazzy camera setup in his direction before refocusing on the plant that ate Kite. 

Toolshed opened his mouth to protest but before he could, Professor Chaos emerged from behind the plant, maniacally cackling with arms outstretched as if to bask in his own villainous glory. 

Wow, this is a great shot. The people are going to love this. 

I focused my camera on the villain as he began to speak. 

“That’s right! I’ve captured the Human Kite within my carnivorous plants! And soon you will all be-” Chaos stopped his monologue as our eyes met. The devious smile shifted to a wide grin as he waved a tinfoil wrapped hand, “oh hey yn!” 

I gave a quick wave back, “Hey Chaos!” 

“Chaos? Oh yeah, CHAOS!” Professor Chaos snapped back into action, strutting around the plant which held the Human Kite as if it were the prize pig at the fair. 

“This is some of my best work yet! Months of experimenting have allowed me to develop the perfect containment for you stupid heroes! And soon, you’ll all be nothing but plant food!” 

A flash of darkness crossed my vision to my left. 

“You’ll never get away with this, Chaos.” Mysterion crouched atop a boulder, deep voice reverberating through the air. 

Holy shit it’s Mysterion! The viewers are going to love this!

The statement only made Professor Chaos laugh, “Never get away with this? But I already have! Half of the town is being digested in my plants of chaos and the other half is soon to follow!”

God damn, this is good. I can’t wait to tell the guys about this!

After professor chaos is defeated (like always), Mysterion leads to back to your apartment, chastising you for getting in the middle of another hero/villain altercation

At this point, you know the whole script he goes through about how “it’s really not safe” and “you can’t just run into a fight between superhumans” 

And you nod and say you’ll never do it again

But you totally will

The next day, you tell the guys all about it

But they all seem super tired for some reason

You asked Kyle what paper he had to write so suddenly and he responded that he wrote a philosophy paper’s due date wrong in his phone and only noticed when the Call Girl notification went out

Seems a little sketchy but okay

At the end of the day, they’re your friends and you love them

You all make plans to redo your sleepover that weekend! And Butters is able to come this time since he’s feeling better! 

✧.* tags: fem!reader, college au ✧.* Characters: kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, stan marsh, butters stotch a/n: i think kenny's section is so funny please think it's funny too. actually i think they're all funny idk what im saying im hilarious

masterlist

Kenny

You probably reveal your strength one time when saving him from dying

After that’s he’s obsessed

Dude he definitely loves muscle mommys 

Buff women??? Sign him UP 

throw him across the room DO IT

Asks for uppies 

“Can you carry me to my next class?”

“I take off my sweatshirt one time and suddenly your legs are broken?”

“Yeah my legs just turn to jello whenever im around you” 

You make him walk. 

Butters

He is so in awe of you

But also terrified of you

“Oh merciful goddess, please spare our stupid male lives! We know not of your true divinity!”

“Butters get off the ground wtf.”

You need ANYTHING he is on it.

Now whenever he tells you about Eric being a dick to him, Eric is TERRIFIED because he can hear you from a mile away

Butters defender #1 right here

Stan

Bro is ENVIOUS

He tried to have a gym rat era but got annoyed with having to fit things in his schedule after a few days

He had to miss BOARD GAME CLUB for a gym session and that was unacceptable 

So you’re basically everything he wants to be

Probably asks what your workout routine is

Tries to copy it and gets a leg cramp halfway through the first bulgarian squat

Spends the rest of the day laying in bed thinking about how strong you are

Kyle

He is so confused

It doesn’t add up that you’ve been this ripped the whole time and not ONCE used it to your advantage

Him and stan tried to get buff at the same time

Kyle had more dedication than stan though

And now you’ve got a gym buddy 

He’s definitely not good at building muscle mass

But it’s a good place to relieve stress

Just thinks about how much he hates cartman the whole time and it powers him for at least an hour and a half of GAINS

✧.* tags: college au, road trips, ✧.* Characters: craig tucker, tweek tweek, jimmy valmer, clyde donovan, tolkien black a/n: the stan's gang version got so much love that I thought I'd do the headcannons with the others too!

masterlist

Craig

Thinks everyone is a terrible driver except for him

(he can’t parallel park for shit though)

You guys make up stories about the people you pass

“Oh he’s going through a messy divorce”

“Yeah but it’s his fault for sleeping with Miss America”

“Well if he didn’t, she was going to release the tax documents revealing he was an illegal immigrant from australia! And he can’t return to the outback!” 

He’s a pretty good road trip buddy if you don’t mind silence. 

He kind of zones out when driving so it’s not an awkward silence, just a comfortable silence

Very picky about podcasts and music though, he gets aux because he’s the one driving

PODCASTS ABOUT SPACE!! 

doesn't have Bluetooth in his car so he uses one of those connectors that plug into the cigarette lighters LMAOOO 

"bro it's 2023 why are you living in 2006" 

"because it has great mileage. shut up or walk" 

Jimmy

This will go one of two ways depending on how much you enjoy stand up comedy

Because you’ve bought yourself a ticket to the 6 hour Jimmy-athon

Every billboard is a joke

Every car you pass is a joke

Every gas station you walk into is at least 5 jokes

You’re actually probably driving to a comedian convention

you listen to the material of the panelists to figure out where he'd want to go

he makes you laugh so much you need to pull over

he probably takes a nap halfway through 

looks like a little cat curled up in the passenger seat

honestly such a good drive

whenever you get bored all you need to do is make a comment about a weird road sign and you've got entertainment for at least 30 minutes

if you don't like his comedy…

just don't. 

you will not survive.

(and you're probably a terrible person)

Tweek

There’s no way he doesn’t get car sick.

Like just absolutely demolished

You think he’s dying for a little bit because he’s just leaning against the window whispering prayers to whatever god will listen

Then you buy some medicine from a gas station and i swear it’s like you’ve opened a new conspiracy for him

“But if these have existed for so long, why hasn’t anyone told me about them?! There’s got to be something wrong with them! DID YOU JUST GIVE ME POISON!”

“Do you still feel like blowing chunks all over my windshield?” 

“Well no, not right now.”

“Then I really doubt it can be poison dude”

Don’t let him drive. 

Just don’t. 

He gets freaked out enough when you drive down a busy street. More than 3 lanes and he’s absolutely screaming

“WHY ARE THEY DRIVING SO FAST?! THE SPEED LIMIT IS 55”

“That’s not how the midwest works, tweek. We’re going 87 right now”

“87 THATS 32 MORE THAN WE’RE SUPPOSED TO- OH GOD WE’RE GOING TO GET INTO A CRASH AND FLIP THE CAR AND RUN INTO ANOTHER CAR AND THEN THAT CAR WILL EXPLODE AND NO ONE WILL FIND OUR BODIES-”

he's surprisingly good at mental math when it comes to calculating the possibility of his death

Clyde

He’d much rather fly than drive

He gets bored so fast like what are you supposed to do in a car? Sit there and… sit there?

Does not want to be in the car for more than 30 minutes

“Are we there yet?”

“We’ve been driving for an hour, Clyde”

“Okay and how much longer do we have?”

“5 hours.”

“WHAT”

Definitely had to use the bathroom every hour because he CHUGS monsters to stay awake then immediately crashes and sleeps for half of the ride

He sets up his phone so a movie can play but it’s really just him watching the movie because you have to keep driving

“You know, if we fly back then you can watch this with me”

“Well then my car would be stranded in the Chicago.”

“Can’t you just get someone to drive it back?”

“I will leave you at the next gas station and make you hitchhike home.”

“ITS A GENUINE QUESTION”

Tolkien

Oh he absolutely loves to drive

But who wouldn’t when you’ve got a fucking TESLA

(he totally has a tesla, no way he doesn’t have a tesla)

Will NOT allow chips in the car

If you do, you’re vacuuming the seats at the next gas station

“You’re not bringing those in here”

“But you can’t go on a road trip without corn nuts” 

“You can and you will.”

“Can we at least get coffee then :((“

“Well duh we’re getting coffee”

Will buy you a little drink and give you a blanket

He makes YOU a passenger princess and it’s absolutely amazing

Another podcast listener, but he likes to space them out with music so you’re not both sitting there silently the whole road trip

You’re going on the trip to hang out! You’ve got to have some random chit chat time too!

“There is no way Kuroko’s Basketball is better than Slam Dunk.”

“That’s just because you’re a snob about sports anime.”

“No that’s just because i'm right about sports anime and you spend too much time talking with Wendy”

✧.* tags: college au, superhero au ✧.* Characters: kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, stan marsh, butters scotch a/n: another amazing anon request! i always love the suggestions and they lead to such fun scenarios (and ways to zone out during class lol)

masterlist

Kenny/Mysterion: 

Literally the scene from the beginning of Megamind where they’re in the observatory

Except he bursts in and saves you 

You were just trying to get footage of mysterion’s press conference then suddenly you’re tied up in the storage unit- sorry, the LAIR OF CHAOS

(he gets sad when you don’t call it that)

“Ah mysterion! It is I, your greatest foe-”

“I wouldn’t say greatest”

“Professor chaos- wait what?”

“I’m just saying I've literally fought cthulhu. He’s probably the greatest”

“Well, Cthulhu was an eldritch horror ! He doesn't count!”

“Yes he does”

“No he doesn't!”

“Yes he does!”

“No he doesn't-”

“Guys I really got to piss, can we speed this up?”

Mysterion shows up a few minutes later but you don’t get ‘rescued’ for another 30 minutes because him and chaos kept arguing

He walks you home and says he’ll always be there to save you

But you know the same thing is going to happen next week

Kyle/Human Kite

You were at the park with kyle to visit the pet adoption fair being held by the south park animal shelter

But Professor Chaos had other plans. 

Suddenly all of the animals were let out of their pens and were running through the park 

It was the most adorable stampede to ever exist

You turned to tell ky that you guys had to help but he was gone?

The text he sent: “allergic to cats. Sorry.”

BRO WHAT??

You get absolutely DOG PILED

By actual dogs. 

Chaos is evilly laughing while blowing a dog whistle while General Disarray points laser pointers at people’s feet 

You were ready to give into your death by puppy

But you’re pulled out from the dog heap by human kite! 

He flies??? Over to chaos and slaps the dog whistle out of his hands and starts lecturing him

You almost feel bad for the guy

But then again, there are cats running up trees and dogs running into the street so animal safety comes first

You help them take care of the animals 

(and definitely end up adopting a furry friend :) )

Stan/Toolshed

Professor chaos has stuck you in a small cell surrounded by glass with a 2 hour timer ticking down towards an unknown demise

Usually it wouldn’t have been an issue for tool to grab a sledge hammer and take care of it 

But the cell was made of impact proof glass 

That didn’t stop Toolshed from trying to break through the glass for 30 minutes while professor chaos monologues from a tv screen in the corner

“HAHHAA! I bet you’re wondering how I managed to trap-”

WOMP

“You won’t be breaking through that glass anytime-”

WOMP

“H-Hey! Let me at least get through my-”

WOMP

“WELL GOSH DARN IT LET ME DO MY SPEECH FIRST!”

And the only way to unlock it was to complete an escape room and find a key

But professor chaos seems to have forgotten that stan loves complex board games

And what is an escape room if not a complex solo board game? 

“You need to use the cipher from the map to decode the encyclopedia for the safe code!” 

“Oh yeah, I’ll definitely do that. If I were an idiot.”

“Okay now you’re just being mean” 

“It’s obvious that the map cipher is used for the chess board to give you the steps for the dance dance revolution machine!”

“...yeah totally. I definitely knew that’s how it works.”

He has you out in like 5 minutes 

And you make a mental note to never play Settlers of Katan with him. 

Butters/Professor Chaos

The freedom pals kidnapped you to try and get information out of you since you act as tech help for chaos

Well it was really just the coon

“I thought that kidnapping was a villain thing”

“Yeah because when a superhero does it, it’s taking a villain into custody”

“I really don’t see the logic there”

“WELL YOU DONT HAVE TO SO SHUT UP”

“I thought you wanted me to talk?”

“AHHHHH”

Really you were just giving cartman shit for a few hours

Until the basement suddenly fills with smoke!

Professor Chaos threw smoke bombs into a small enclosed basement (not a good idea-)

You both barely manage to get out while coughing through the smoke

But you do it!!

Yippie!! 

Chaos insists on getting you ice cream as an apology for getting wrapped up in everything

“I mean, if I had to deal with that dickwad everyday, I’d want to cause chaos to piss him off too. I only was there for an hour and i never want to see him smile again” 

You just became the coolest person ever to him

✧.* tags: college au, ✧.* Characters: kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, stan marsh, butters scotch. eric cartman a/n: the request was for a friend like Cher Horowitz from clueless but i haven't seen clueless in forever so i kind of just wrote it like having a rich friend! team craig is on the way tomorrow !!

masterlist

Kenny

Youve got yourself a sugar baby right here

Lit rally so happy to carry your shopping bags for HOURS 

Just buy him some auntie anns and he’s good for the day

Whenever cartman makes fun of him for being poor, you pull out $100 and and just hand it to kenny 

“Guys let’s go to the $100 store! Oh wait, you can’t go eric :( sorry, i guess you’ll have to keep saving the tips from the job you don’t have”

kyle 

He’s your voice of reason

“No don’t spend $300 on that bag it’s fake leather” 

Don’t ask him how he’s suddenly versed in designer fabrics 

He helps you with your homework

You offer to pay him but he says it’s not necessary

Definitely doesn’t fight you on it though,,, 

Who's going to say no to $50 for helping someone with their math homework?

Stan

He doesn’t know how to act around rich people

Likes to get fast food with you and make you guess how much things are

“So we’re going to get 2 milkshakes and 2 large fries”

“Okay! I’ve got $40 in cash, is that enough?”

"...not exactly"

please don't take him to a fancy dinner

he will in fact freak out and find a way to fall out of his chair while dragging the table cloth with him

Cartman

He gives kenny shit but this little bitch with do ANYTHING for money

Fucker is your butler now

You could ask him to be your footstool during class and he’d be on the ground in a SECOND

“OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY KYLE! Your door, yn”

Butters 

Is baffled that you’re rich and you want to hang out with HIM??

You guys go shopping together! Stopping in plushie stores! 

Tbh he’s kind of like a little pet

But in the best way

He’s just having a good time because you’re having a good time 

And you have a good time because he’s such a good vibe

“And then we have to stop by spencers because they have a collab with my favorite band right now, then we’re going to the burberry store-”

“Well geez, yn, that’s one of those really expensive stores”

“Butters I literally own three islands off the coast of greenland. I could buy this mall if i wanted to.”

He is, again, baffled