#copingwithcrps

Friend:  All you ever talk about is your illness.

Me:  Wow you’re right!  It’s almost like it affects every part of my life.

Friend:  If you just got out more you’d feel better.

Me:  Wow you’re right.  It’s not like my pain limits my movements.

Friend:  If you would just give exercise and a new diet a chance you’d feel better.

Me:  Wow you’re right.  It’s not like an exercise class and going vegan are at the top of my list when I can’t get out of bed and throw up all the time.

Friend:  You need to think about other things other than you’re illness.

Me:  Wow you’re right.  It’s not like it doesn’t overwhelm my thoughts night and day.

Friend:  It’s not about what’s on the outside that matters, it’s about what’s on the inside that counts.

Me:  Wow you’re right the way.  If I put what’s on the inside out there for the public, people would run a scream.

Friend:  It’s all about attitude.

Me:  Wow you’re right.  If I could just get rid of my shitty attitude, my illness would miraculously be healed.

It’s anger, depression, anxiety, and frustration all rolled up together.  It’s wondering if the pain will really last forever or should I hold on to hope a little longer.  It’s wondering how you can afford new treatments, medications, paying the bills, and food.  It’s regretting what you have missed, while being barely present in the now, and fearing the future.  It’s hating yourself for being dependent on others, medication, and doctors.  It’s listening to criticsm from friends, family, and even strangers.  It means waking up every morning unsure if you can even get out of bed, let alone handle the difficulties of the day.  It means trying to face all this with a strained smile and voice that does not quiver from unshed tears.