Consequences//Self-Para
His hands ran nervously up and down his thighs as the warden sat in silence, filling out some sort of paperwork. Finn had tried to catch a glimpse of what the man was writing, but with one eye starting to swell and his head still foggy, he couldn’t make out much. “Martin.” The warden finally snapped and Finn realized he’d been spacing out and staring at the wall . He lowered his head humbly and then glanced up at his boss. “Yes sir?” The warden picked up the papers he’d been working on and straightened them, tapping them lightly on the desk. He handed them to Finn along with a black pen. “I’ve reviewed your report of the incident as well as your co-worker’s and Mr. Sullivan’s. While I understand that he is a high-risk patient and was being insubordinate and physically defiant, your actions did not follow protocol. You have been instructed to use force necessary only to detain and bring the patient down to solitary. Not” The warden’s voice was sharper here and it made Finn’s stomach turn. “to take your personal anger out on the patient as you did today. That was a serious breach of our policies.” “Yes sir.” Finn nodded, trying his best to read the papers in front of him.Â
“I am giving you an unpaid two day suspension, Mr. Martin. As well as docking your pay for today, and requiring that you speak to one of our therapists once a week to avoid any future incidents.” Finn looked up with shock on his face. “But sir-“ The warden’s face was stern. “I won’t take any protests. This is for your own good and for the good of the institute. This action cannot go unpunished.” Finn bit his lower lip and looked down, trying not to show how upset he was with himself. Shit. A suspension? He lived here though. He’d have to leave the property. He didn’t have anywhere else to go. How was he going to explain this to the other staff? Would they think he was within reason or would they doubt his stability? Fuck, what was Casey going to say?Â
“I understand, sir.” Finn nodded, though he could feel the emotion rushing to his face. He signed his name at the bottom of the page and handed it back to his boss. The warden took it and sighed, his eyes a little more sympathetic now that he’d noticed how upset Finn was. “Gather your things, Finnegan, and check out in the office. You can start back for your midday shift on Sunday. And try not to be too hard on yourself. It happens more often than you’d think. You’re still one of our best.” Finn nodded and cast his head down as he stood and walked from the office to his room without looking at or speaking to anyone. His eye was deeply bruised and swollen now, and his face and knuckles still bloodied. He knew he’d be drawing some stares but he couldn’t handle any questions at the moment. He got to his room and slipped inside, locking the door and sliding down to his knees. His hands were shaking. He reached up and knotted them in his hair as he fought back the impending tears. He was an awful person. A brute with no self-control. He shouldn’t have given in to Miles’ goading. He should’ve just walked away, even after he’d been tripped. He was supposed to be stronger than this. He couldn’t help these people. He couldn’t help anyone. He rose to his feet, feeling a sort of hollow numbness wash over him. He silently packed a few days worth of clothes in his backpack and left his room, walking down to the office to sign himself out, his head cast low and lost in his thoughts.
