#confusing shit

Sebastian says no to rapists!!

When she hurts me and it’s an accident. She smiles sheepishly and loudly apologises like it’ll ease the pain she inflicted. She stomps and gets angry when I still feel like crap and in pain and won’t give her any attention, indignant that i’m grumbling and brooding when she already apologised. When she sometimes tries to ease the pain but almost mostly makes it worse. I tell her calmly that it’s not helping and it hurts more but she takes it as a challenge and me being arrogant. Yet despite all that, I laugh it off and crack a joke after a while to brush the accident off.

When I accidentally hurt her, even when she started all the playful punches and kicks and roughhousing, and apologised, I’m suddenly a klutz, a heavy hand, likes to hurt people, and doesn’t care about how other people feels when i hurt them. When i try to help make her feel better and actually make the pain less painful, I’m met with side eyes and more insults hurled wildly, or quiet bitching and an entire day of silent treatment. And the occasional digs of how i hurt her and how i don’t really love her that’s why i like hurting her.

I know she’s having a hard time and doesn’t know how to actually resolve her emotions but why isn’t my emotional and mental health as important as hers? Why can she yell at me to leave her alone bc shes feeling stressed and overwhelmed but i cant normally and calmly express that i want some alone time too bc im not feeling like my self?

DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T WANT MAJOR LOST SPOILERS

So if y’all have seen Avengers Endgame, you know that that those fuckers travel in time. I hated how that movie dealt with time travel for several reasons

1) I hate the whole multiverse theory, it is way too weird and it’s an easy out to say “oh it doesn’t matter because we’re in a different universe now” like no time travel is weird on it’s own, don’t bring in another universe 

2) In the movie, Thanos is defeated obviously, and he dies in the “present” but it’s technically his past self which dies because he traveled forward in time. This makes NO sense because if he dies in the past after traveling to HIS future and the avengers’ present, then he can’t get older to create the circumstances that allowed them to travel back in time

There are more reasons that are literally impossible for me to explain because time travel is fucking complicated but anyway the point is I loved how LOST dealt with time travel. 

“There’s no way this will work,” Bucky says, trying not to pant as they reach the castle. “It’s a waste of time.”

“No it’s not,” the archer replies with a devastating grin, grabs for the rope that’s hanging down from a tower’s window. Bucky wants to ask why he isn’t just going inside to use the stairs, but he doesn’t get anything about this guy’s motivations. He’s just weird. “I rode to like, three different towns and broke into the Royal Jail to drag you back here, it’s gotta work. True love’s kiss, right?”

“Right,” Bucky says. 

Truth is, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what to think. Sure, he was in love with the Prince when they were kids, but why would Steve have still been in love with him now? Especially when the archer - Clint - is right there, tracking down anyone and everyone who could wake him up. That’s love right there, not the weird we-should-we-shouldn’t thing that Steve and Bucky had.

Also, Bucky’s pretty sure that on their misadventures, he’s ended up with feelings for Clint too. It’s hard not to, seeing how determined he is. How much he cares about Steve. 

“Alright, here we are, Stevie boy,” Clint says, and Bucky has to stop for a second to watch him gently brush a stray bit of hair from Steve’s sleeping face. “Gonna get you up and about.”

Bucky steps a little closer. Feels the fear written all over his face. What if it doesn’t work? What if it doesn’t work because he now thinks about kissing Clint as much as Steve? What if Steve doesn’t love him anymore?

“Right,” he says. “Okay.” Leans down and presses his lips to Steve’s, the same way he’s done a million times before.

Nothing happens. 

“I told you,” he says past the lump in his throat. Clint’s looking somewhere between scared and frustrated as well, the sunlight catching the edges of violet in his eyes. “I told you it wouldn’t work, it’s you, you kiss him.”

“I tried,” Clint snaps, drops a gentle kiss on Steve’s forehead like he’s proving a point. “You don’t think I already tried a million times, Barnes?”

“What the fuck do we do now?”

“We?”

“Yes, we,” Bucky says irritably. “You think I’m just going to leave y-” 

He doesn’t get a chance to start ranting about how he’s part of this now, and his confusing jumble of feelings around Steve and Clint and this whole disaster. Mostly because Clint’s gotten a handful of his shirt and yanked him in to press their lips together. 

Clint backs off just as quickly as he’s done it, though, eyes wide like he’s been betrayed by his own body. Bucky thinks he might look just as shocked, reaches to touch his mouth where Clint had.