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011: conflict averse, or conflict avoidant
DEFINITION ⦂⠀A conflict interaction term for those who are okay with conflicts conceptually but uncomfortable with personally being involved.
ADDITIONAL ⦂⠀Coined on the 2nd of September, 2025
TAGGING ⦂⠀@radiomogai
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"Conflict Avoidant"
I saw this in a tiktok and keep thinking about it.
People call themselves (or others) "conflict avoidant" often. Or they say they're afraid of conflict. I definitely have said these thing myself. This tiktok stuck with me because it made such a good point. Which is, the vast majority of these people aren't really afraid of conflict. Because conflict is just having a disagreement. And disagreeing when you both respect each other and have good intentions, is not a bad or scary thing at all. It often is a really positive thing. It's something that allows you to reconfigure something in your life so that it works better for you and better for your loved ones. It can be a chance to grow, and a chance to connect with someone, understand them better, etc. Even if the conflict is extremely tough and you can't seem to find a way to come to an agreement...you could still walk away agreeing to disagree. Conflict is just sharing your perspectives while they share theirs, and you work to find a sense of understanding, or learn where to place boundaries, or you find a way to negotiate so that both people are better off, etc. Healthy conflict isn't scary to most people. Most people, if they were conflict that conflict would be handled with respect, no raised voices, no name calling or manipulation, etc - they'd not be afraid of or choose to avoid the conversation at all.
Most people who are "afraid of conflict" are actually afraid of abuse. They have a history of knowing that when they disagree with someone else, or when they ask for someone to accommodate a need, or that they need to set boundary - that people have responded with hostility, rejection, screaming, emotional abuse, even physical abuse. So they assume that if they bring up a problem or a need, that this person will (or at least might) mistreat them. And that's what they are afraid of. Or perhaps instead of abuse, they associate conflict with being abandoned/neglected, so they fear if they raise conflict, they'll be abandoned.
Fear of abuse, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, yes. And humans are supposed to be afraid of these things. Those are protective instincts.
But it's not a fear of conflict. We shouldn't be afraid of conflict with people who respect us, and if you've lived a life that has taught you to associate abuse, mistreatment or abandonment with conflict, then it's understandable that you've become conflict avoidant in an attempt to be abuse/mistreatment/abandonment avoidant - but it's a shame because respectful conflict/disagreement is a key part of healthy relationships.
Dear Conflict Averse People,
That interpersonal problem your refusing address isn't going to blow over. It's going to boil over and it's going to pour over onto the people you are having this problem with and burn them. You are not the only one in your problems.
Sincerely, A trans woman who's developed paranoia that everyone only tolerates my existence while silently holding onto their resentment of me because they're afraid of my reaction due to too many people letting their personal grievances with me fester into The Reason They Don't Like Me or just generally let it get to a point to where they're blowing up on me over it!
Nothing fucking pisses me off more than when people talk shit about people pleasers/conflict avoidant people. I’m not tryna say it’s a desirable trait to have, I HATE being conflict avoidant, and am constantly trying to unlearn my people pleaser tendencies, but it’s a trauma response and shit is hard to overcome. Like, fuck I’m not saying you can’t be upset with us, I know it makes things hard for you, I know it’s annoying and frustrating. But don’t you dare start talking shit. Saying how we’re fake or lack substance. I spent my childhood placating people, really one person in particular, because it was dangerous if I didn’t. So fuck you im not some Mary Sue, and you know wat? Yeah, I am fragile, so if being cautious of my triggers is such a fucking issues for you, just leave me alone, because years of experience have told me you are the type of person who’s a threat. I’m healing. I don’t need people treating me in a way that drags me back into survival brain when I’m only just finally, finally, free to be me.
Once again I’m not saying people pleasing is a good trait, and that people aren’t allowed to be frustrated by people pleasers. But please just leave them alone if you really can’t stand them. Or at the very least keep that same energy for conflict starters. I’m not throwing them under the bus but I’m sick of violent/explosive trauma responses being romanticised/deemed as better. We both need to unlearn and heal, just let us do that.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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accurate representation of me dealing with my problems in life
How long would you let a wound continue to infect you before you address it and help it heal?
Stop letting things “blow over” or avoiding addressing issues because you’re afraid they’ll make things worse.
You won’t know until you try.
It’s eating you alive because YOU are hurting yet trying to ignore it.
FACE THAT SHIT!
