#confidante

Confidante

Coady Brown

I played with you throughout the day

Wish I could turn to bits of string / And play like kittens in my hand

With butterflies were on me boots

And stomp around the forests

Her helping made him anxious, though. Margo didn't take that personally either. The last people who had handled him like this hadn’t been kind. It didn’t matter that it was her, the feeling was likely sending him right back to where he’d been a week ago. “Right side,” she told him instead of worrying about him snapping at her. He grunted an agreement and they moved together, Margo simply supporting the motion instead of forcing it. “Left,” she said, and they repeated the movement. At least the muscles that let him lock the hinges in place without pain still worked. Ferrell took another deep, intentional breath, and his fingers tangled in the fabric of the sheets at his sides. Confidante CH 3 by HappyFoxx

Okay, little less screamy with this one. This chapter legit made me cry when I first read it. I actually had to get up from my desk and take a walk and get some choccy milk to cry in because the way Happ wrote the exchange between the two of them with having to walk through the bandage change and just be sooooo gentle and careful felt so freaking real to me in a way that was kind of close to home because it wasn't perfect. I'm so used to ptsd themed scenes where it's either the drama side of oh know the traumatized character accidentally hurt their friend and has to deal with that. Or the complete opposite of the friend somehow doing everything right and wow they actually feel safer than they ever have before and sure there's a few hiccups but it's fine. And don't get me wrong I love both of those kinds of scenes immensely, there's something so soft about someone knowing just what to do to help and it makes it all better.

But this was the first time I read something where it didn't work completely. Where it was still hard, where they both were doing their best, where they arguably did everything right and it still wasn't enough to be perfect, it was still ugly and painful, but it wasn't terrible. They still made it work, there's understanding on both sides that they don't know exactly how to handle this, they don't know what's going to make it better or worse, neither of them likes the situation. But neither of them blames the other for anything when something does go a little wrong, and both sides understand that they care without having to say anything, it's all in their actions of trying so hard to be gentle and soft. It made me wish I had someone like Margo as a kid X'DD They just have to be there, and wait, and know that sometimes healing can't be helped, or hurts when helped, and only time will eventually make it better.

Understudies

Christine Daaé-Alyssa Giannetti

Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny-Andy Tighe

Swings

Madame Firmin-Sarah Mossman

Confidante (Il Muto)-Carlyn Connolly

I also understand that you can't turn to happiness if you feel that I'm not happy. But this is not true. It is true that I feel guilty sometimes. But my progress at the moment is to free myself from these sterile feelings, to escape from mutilation, to accept only "positive" feelings. I am trying to get back to what I was. And this sky, this climate helps me every day. I also know that you love me, that you will stay close to me, and that I will find in you all the joy I need. So don't worry. I am working in spite of everything. 

I won't finish my essay. But I will continue to work on it and when it is finished, I will have already found that inner freedom that I lack, the freedom of noon, the strength, the silent joy, the one that goes beyond happiness and unhappiness. So let all this mature. On the other hand, what I really need is to find you whole and as far as possible, offered to life. That's why you have to take care of yourself, relax, be beautiful, live generously, as you know how to do. If I have not worked as much as I hoped, I have worked deeper. And I have huge projects that are burning in my head, from works, a thought, the realization of a style of being. It is here that I need you, as one needs the sun and the earth, so as not to lose oneself. But it is necessary that you find yourself alive, valiant and beautiful. 

In three weeks I will be in Paris. That's what's important. I can't believe it, by imagination, I mean. But I know that I will be able to put my hand on you and this certainty makes me melt with happiness. And you, my beautiful, my brunette, my sweet, are you also trembling like I am? Come on, courage! The real spring is going to begin. Write, tell me about yourself. Love me, live for me, tell me too that you are mine. Ah! I want to possess everything of you, to demand everything... I love you. 

Don't be worried or sad. Forgive me if my letters have saddened you. You are my confidante, my friend too, and sometimes we let ourselves go. But the sun is coming back and all we want to do is close our friend's mouth and ears under a shower of kisses. Let them rain on you, my dearest love, my beloved, and surrender yourself to me. I love you.

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA + FOLDING FANS

Järvi Raudsepp and Claire Lyon, World Tour

Deborah Dutcher, RAH

Sarah Bakker, Broadway

Marni Raab, Broadway

Patricia Richards, original West End

Siani Owen, West End

Aya Kawamura, Nagoya

Britt Lenting, West End

Wendy Ferguson, RAH

Megan Llewelyn, West End

Siani Owen, West End

Judith Gardner-Jones, West End

Danielle White, Las Vegas

Melanie Gowie, West End

Unidentified, West End

Elizabeth Welch, US Tour

Merete Laursen, Copenhagen

Raquel Suarez Groen, Broadway

Natalie Hubner, Sao Paulo

Rosemary Ashe, original West End

Lorraine Goodman, Hamburg