#common question

See...

Some people are cool. They know how to ask for help.

I love helping others, even when they don't ask for my help.

Every little helps, doesn't it?

Well...

But when I do need help, I just stand there freezing. No one's coming to help. Haha...

My mother acts like she cares. I can't tell if she does or doesn't. Who knows. She keeps blaming you and says it's all your faults. I can't even sneeze out loud. I can't even hisssssss when crying. If she hears about it, she murmurs about it. She gets angry at me for not taking care of myself enough. She gets angry at me for not working hard enough. She gets angry at me for not...

Okay I think I need to open my visual faucet for a moment.

Have a nice life,

Ok.  I prayed and mulled over whether I should answer this or delete it.  I've already interacted a few times with Papirouge, and on the basis of Titus 3:9-10, I elected to stop any further discourse with her.  But for the sake of publicly correcting the errors that I keep seeing repeated here that are causing so much trouble for so many young Christians, in the spirit of Paul's letter to the Galatians, I feel like I need to answer.  I was also planning to write a single long post refuting the legalist nonsense surrounding Christian use of entertainment that I could refer people to when I'm asked about this in the future, so this reply will serve that function as well. 

First, as an aside, Missy hasn't fallen away.  I'm persuaded that she's still in Christ, and always will be.  Missy has some severe mental / emotional challenges that she's dealing with, and it's been really hard for her.  She's had a rough road up to now.  But make no mistake, God isn't going to leave her where she is.  She's going to come out of it, and on the other side, she'll be better off, and God will get the glory.  

Now on to the heart of the matter:  legalism.   

The first Church council was held in Jerusalem about 15 years or so after Jesus ascended.  There was a disagreement in the church concerning the Law of Moses.  Certain Jewish Christians who had been Pharisees were perfectly willing to welcome Gentiles into the Church, but they insisted that the Gentiles be circumcised and obey all of the Law of Moses.  Other Jewish Christians, especially the Apostle Paul, argued that salvation was enabled by God's grace, and was secured through faith; circumcision and keeping the Law was not required for anyone to be saved.  The council, led by the Holy Spirit, decided in favor of Paul's position.  

Later, some of the Christians who disagreed with the council's decision continued to teach Gentiles that they had to keep the Law in order to be saved.  These Christians (called "Judaizers"), reached a church in Galatia where their message was accepted by the fledgling Christians there, prompting Paul to write his letter to the Galatians.  In that letter (as well as in his other writings), Paul destroyed the notion that Christians were saved by adherence to outside laws and rituals rather than by faith: 

Galatians 3:1-9

"O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. 2 Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? 5 Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith—6 just as Abraham “believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”?  7 Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham. 8 And the Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, “In you shall all the nations be blessed.” 9 So then, those who are of faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.""

Paul's point here is that good works can't save a person, a point he makes explicitly in Ephesians 2 when he says, "For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."  Salvation is not the result of outward religious practices; it is a matter of the heart.  

Today, the very same attitude the Judaizers had in Paul's time is alive and well in the Church.  There are groups within the Church that are actively advocating for keeping the Law of Moses as Christians.  But there's also a slightly less obvious form of the same spirit in the Church.  These types don't necessarily argue for the Law of Moses, but they do argue for various forms of outward laws that they say Christians must abide by in order to be saved; women can't wear pants, men must have their hair cut above their ears, women can't have hair above their shoulders, Christians can't take any drugs at all, Christians must attend church services on Sunday and no other days, Christians can't dance under any circumstances, Christians must do away with all forms of entertainment, and so on and so forth.  

As Christians, we must be in the business of pushing sin out of our lives all the time.  We can't live in it, and we can't turn a blind eye to it.  Sin is anything contrary to God's revealed will; sin is both actively doing evil, and simply failing to do what is good.  The Apostle John summed up all sin with the expression, "the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life."   Sexual immorality, cursing and profanity, lying, cheating, theft, drunkenness (including drug abuse), murder, cruelty, gratuitous violence, selfishness and pride, greed, envy, blasphemy, idolatry, and all else described in the Bible as contrary to God has no place in the Christian's life; these things are what the Bible calls "worldly."   When we first come to Christ, we repent of the sins we were living in (which means to turn away from or change your mind about sin), and turn to God to embrace His commands for us.   Then, as we grow in the faith and walk with God, we discover other areas of our lives that we need to repent of; and as we go along, we see yet more that needs to be repented of, and so on.  We call this process "sanctification," which means to be set apart.  It's the process by which we all become more and more Godly, and less and less worldly.   

So, from the very beginning, the Christian must be cutting things out of their life.  Anything that causes them to sin, or celebrates sin, or tempts them to sin should be done away with.  This includes forms of entertainment; secular music, movies, tv shows, and video games that fall into the aforementioned categories have to go.  Why?  Is it because God will revoke our salvation if we don't?  No.  Once you are saved, you are saved for good.  We remove sin and strive to obey God because the Holy Spirit in us drives us to love God and to want to please Him in all things, and to worship Him with our lives.  We expunge sin and cut off people, habits, practices, hobbies, and other things because we strongly desire God and want to facilitate an atmosphere around ourselves that is conducive to His presence. 

In other words, we do not obey to be saved, but because we are saved.  Repentance is the necessary by-product of the work of grace in the heart; it is evidence that you've been saved.  Without true salvation, there is no true repentance.  With true salvation, true repentance is inevitable. 

Paul teaches that, "all Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness," and admonishes us to "not to go beyond what is written."  The Scripture (both Old and New Testaments) is God's inspired, revealed Word to us.  God very clearly and emphatically details for us what sin is.  No human being has the authority to add to what the Word of God says, or to declare something sinful that isn't described as such in Scripture.   

Legalists tend to want to build on to what God has said.  In Jesus' time, the Pharisees modified their keeping of Torah with what they called the "tradition of the elders," which was a collection of sayings and interpretations of the Torah by various respected Jewish sages that the Pharisees held to be equal to the Torah.  You can find examples of this all through the Gospels, but this one is always the first on my mind when the topic comes up: 

Mark 7:5-13

"5 And the Pharisees and the scribes asked him, “Why do your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat with defiled hands?” 6 And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written,  “‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’ 8 You leave the commandment of God and hold to the tradition of men.” 9 And he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! 10 For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ 11 But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban”’ (that is, given to God) — 12 then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, 13 thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do.”"

Jesus vehemently opposed the Pharisees adding to what God had given.  Jesus perfectly kept the Torah as it was written without regard for the tradition of the elders, because the extra stuff brought absolutely nothing to the table, having it's origin in the minds of men and not God; and worse than that, the extra stuff also caused some to negate what God had commanded.  Paul echoed Jesus' point when he wrote, "20 If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations— 21 “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch”22 (referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? 23 These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh." (Colossians 2:23)

Jesus pointed out that genuine sin has its origin in the heart of man when He taught that it's what comes out of a person that defiles them (Matthew 15:16-20).  Legalists always miss this point; they tend to arbitrarily consider some actions and behaviors to be sinful without regard for whether those actions have any relation to a person's heart attitude, and almost always they tie a person's salvation to these things; "it doesn't matter if you trust in the Lord Jesus and have repented of sins as recorded in Scripture, if you do or don't do this thing (watch movies, play games, drink caffine, eat pork, cut your hair a particular way, wear makeup, or whatever) you're going to Hell."

As an example:  sex was created by God.  In the right context, sex and sexual desire isn't at all sinful.  But in the wrong context, sex is sinful.  The difference is all about the state of the heart.  Sinful sexual expressions and desires begin in the heart.  A legalist perspective on sex may be to do away with all sex, in all circumstances; "if you ever have sex, even while married, you're going to Hell."

Another example:  legitimate medicinal use of drugs isn't sinful.  Abuse of those drugs to get high (and there are various sinful heart motives behind getting high) is sinful.  A legalist perspective on drug use may be to do away with all drug use entirely; "if you take any drugs, even painkillers after surgery, you're going to Hell." 

I'm sure you get the point.  

Legalism is most often the result of the unregenerate mind trying to be religious.  Not trusting in the finished work of Christ on the cross, the legalist attempts to earn their own righteousness through adherence to rules.  Often, the legalists rules miss the Biblical point behind the Christian's avoidance of sin and ignore what the Scripture plainly says.  Legalists tend to be hypocrites; when you come across them, you'll usually see them denouncing sins of a particular type, while openly rolling in sin of other types without being aware of it (like condemning other Christians for watching movies while making liberal use of profanity, or writing with vitriol, spite, anger and disrespect without regard for what the Scripture teaches about the fruit of the Spirit, or judging  fellow Christians).   

Jesus condemned this behavior when He said, "13 “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people's faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in. 15 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves...23 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. 24 You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!  25 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26 You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.  27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. 28 So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." (Matthew 23:13-15, 23-28)

About entertainment:  Paul, addressing the issue of things not called sin in the Scripture, wrote in Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 10 about how we as Christians ought to handle such things.

Romans 14:1-12

"¹ As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3 Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5 One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. 9 For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living. 10 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11 For it is written: "As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” 12 So then each of us shall give account of himself to God."

1 Corinthians 10:23-33

23 “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.24 Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. 25 Eat whatever is sold in the meat market without raising any question on the ground of conscience. 26 For “the earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof.” 27 If one of the unbelievers invites you to dinner and you are disposed to go, eat whatever is set before you without raising any question on the ground of conscience.28 But if someone says to you, “This has been offered in sacrifice,” then do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for the sake of conscience— 29 I do not mean your conscience, but his. For why should my liberty be determined by someone else's conscience? 30 If I partake with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of that for which I give thanks? 31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, 33 just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved."

Here, Paul uses the example of food sacrificed to idols and holidays, but the principle taught applies to anything not called sin in Scripture, including entertainment. Concerning such things, we as Christians should prayerfully consider whatever we do, and follow the dictates of our consciences. If a Christian feels like something that isn't called sin in Scripture actually is wrong to do, they shouldn't do it; and those of us who disagree, for the sake of loving our fellow Christians, we ought to avoid doing that thing when we're around them, not because the thing is actually wrong, but because we don't want to offend our brothers and sisters. But it's very clear that the thing itself isn't forbidden.

Certain forms of entertainment are inherently sinful, lead to sin, and/or celebrate sin; Christians should avoid those things. Other forms of entertainment are not related to anything the Bible calls sinful, and therefore are acceptable for Christians. Christians must keep God first, and entertainment in the periphery. Christians should obey the dictates of their consciences and follow the Lord's leading. Christians should also consider their brothers and sisters above themselves, and abstain from anything that may cause a fellow Christian to stumble when in the presence of that Christian.

Let's tie all of this together:

It is true that Christians must repent of sins and seek the Lord above all else.  It is also true that the Bible defines what sin is, and to outrun the Scriptures to declare other things sinful that the Bible doesn't is itself sinful.  Legalism is damnable; it is contrary to the Gospel and ought to be avoided at all costs.  The practice of describing as sin that which the Bible does not, and laying extra burdens on the backs of Christians is endemic to legalism.  Legalist teachers are false teachers, and are almost always hypocrites. They can't defend their position with Scripture, and so no Christian should listen to what they have to say.  

Christians are not forbidden to rest and relax, or to partake in pastimes, like hobbies and entertainment.  If a thing isn't inherently sinful, celebrating sin, or leading to sin, and as long as the thing doesn't take up more than the peripheral space in a Christian's life, the Christian may partake as they please; this is not sin.  For the sake of other Christians who disagree on a particular thing, each Christian ought to be willing to forego that thing when in the presence of the Christian who disagrees. 

You're not understanding what the Bible is saying. "Wordly" in Biblical use doesn't mean literally everything that's part of physical existence; it means thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors that are contrary to God and His ways. In other words, sinful things. "Worldliness" is lewdness, dishonesty, sexual immorality, wrath, malice, hatred, envy, cruelty, drunkenness, and so on. "Godliness" is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, mercy, compassion, truthfulness, selflessness, justice, righteousness, and so on. These two camps are continuously juxtaposed with each other in Scripture. When John wrote that if anyone loves the things of this world, the love of the Father is not in Him, John was pointing towards those evil things the world does; if we practice worldliness, we are not born of God.

The Scripture never suggests that good food, laughs and fun times, family, and those kinds of things are evil. In fact, it indicates exactly the opposite:

Ecclesiastes 5:11-13

"11 Everything is appropriate in its own time. But though God has planted eternity in the hearts of men, even so, many cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I conclude that, first, there is nothing better for a man than to be happy and to enjoy himself as long as he can; 13 and second, that he should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of his labors, for these are gifts from God."

Likewise, entertainment, hobbies, pastimes and the like are not inherently sinful. If the thing in question doesn't celebrate sin, temp you to sin, or lead to sin, there's nothing wrong with the Christian partaking in it, so long as the thing remains in the periphery of your life.

I encourage you to study the Scriptures more closely, and to get involved in a good, Bible-believing church. Search my blog for "FAQ" and read the stuff I've written about Christians and entertainment, it may be helpful to you.

Hebrews 10:26-29

"26 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. 29 How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace?"

I think the author of Hebrews is speaking here of the same sort of person he mentioned back in chapter 6, and I think both passages refer not to genuine Christians, but to false converts.

Pastor Charles Stanley wrote this about Hebrews 6, and I think it's pertinent to Hebrews 10 as well:

"...this passage is written not about Christians but about unbelievers who are convinced of the basic truths of the gospel but who have not placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Savior. They are intellectually persuaded but spiritually uncommitted...the phrase once enlightened (Hebrews 6:4) refers to some level of instruction in biblical truth. However, understanding the words of Scripture is not the same as being regenerated by the Holy Spirit. For example, John 1:9 describes Jesus, the “true Light,” giving light “to every man”; but this cannot mean the light of salvation, because not every man is saved. Through God’s sovereign power, every man has enough light to be held responsible. This light either leads to the complete acceptance of Jesus Christ or produces condemnation in those who reject such light. The people described in Hebrews 6:4–6 are of the latter group—unbelievers who have been exposed to God’s redemptive truth and perhaps have made a profession of faith, but who have not exercised genuine saving faith.

"...the phrase tasted the heavenly gift (Hebrews 6:4) as referring to a momentary experience, akin to Jesus’ “tasting” death (Hebrews 2:9). This brief experience with the heavenly gift is not seen as equivalent to salvation; rather, it is likened to the second and third soils in Jesus’ parable (Matthew 13:3–23), which describes people who receive the truth of the gospel but are not truly saved.

"...the “falling away” (Hebrews 6:6) as a reference to those who have tasted the truth but, not having come all the way to faith, fall away from even the revelation they have been given. The tasting of truth is not enough to keep them from falling away from it. They must come all the way to Christ in complete repentance and faith; otherwise, they in effect re-crucify Christ and treat Him contemptuously. Those who sin against Christ in such a way have no hope of restoration or forgiveness because they reject Him with full knowledge and conscious experience. They have concluded that Jesus should have been crucified, and they stand with His enemies. It is impossible to renew such to repentance."

When the author writes about those who go on deliberately sinning (10:26), he's talking about living lives characterized by sin, as in, those who live sinful lifestyles and refuse to change. The Apostle John mentions the same sort of people in 1 John 3:

1 John 3:4-10

"4 Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. 5 You know that he appeared in order to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. 6 No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. 7 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. 9 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God. 10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother."

First Question:

1 Timothy 6:20-21

"20 O Timothy, guard the deposit entrusted to you. Avoid the irreverent babble and contradictions of what is falsely called “knowledge,” 21 for by professing it some have swerved from the faith."

The "irreverent babble" (or "godless chatter" in your version) has to do with false teaching; throughout the rest of 1 Timothy, Paul is very concerned with Timothy maintaining sound doctrine in the Ephesian church.  Many scholars think Paul is referring in these verses to a particular brand of false teaching called "Gnosticism," which taught more than a few profane, godless things.  This doesn't mean that all use of words that isn't expressly about Jesus is wrong.  If you think about it, if that were true, we wouldn't be able to function in life at all.  

Second Question:

1 Timothy 2:8-15

"8 I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; 9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. 11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control."

This passage is at the center of a pretty long-standing debate in the Church.  I'll offer my understanding of it, but realize that other learned Christians may disagree with me.  

This passage is primarily about marriage, the relationship between Christian husbands and wives.  Following Dr. Kirk MacGregor, I think this passage would be better translated to say "husband" and "wife" rather than "man" and "woman."   According to Dr. MacGregor, a rule in 1st century Koinē Greek stipulates that the two Greek words in this passage commonly translated as "man" and "woman" ("man" = ἀνήρ, "anēr" (ah-NAIR); "woman" = γυνή, "gynē" (goo-NAY)) used in conjunction with each other always denotes a husband and wife, never generically members of the male and female gender.  "There are no exceptions to this rule in the tens of thousands of nonbiblical Koinē Greek manuscripts from the first century CE," writes Dr. MacGregor. "Furthermore, in each of the other 54 New Testament pairs of [anēr] and [gynē] outside [of 1 Timothy 2], the terms always mean "husband" and "wife" rather than "man" and "woman.""

To give the historical context, Timothy was the pastor of the church in Ephesus, a city that was at the time Paul wrote this letter dominated by the cult of Artemis.  Because of this, it was endemic to Ephesian culture that the married relationship involved the wives dominating their husbands, even going so far as to "train" them in a master/servant sense.

Paul explains to Timothy in this chapter that the culture of the Church is not to be like that, establishes male headship, and in vv 13-14, Paul explains why.  Paul is referring back to the Creation, the Fall, and God's judgement on Adam and Eve (Genesis 1-3).  Paul is saying since Adam was made first, and Eve was the first to fall, and since part of God's judgement on Eve after the Fall was that Adam would rule over her (Genesis 3:16), it is right that the husband be the head of the family, and the wife be submissive to the husband.  

The next verse (vv 15) doesn't mean that women are only saved if they have kids, but that God will bring them through the "curse" of the painful child bearing process (still referring to the judgement God gave Eve in Genesis 3:16).  Henry Alford said it this way:

"Just as that man should be saved through, as passing through, fire which is his trial, his hindrance in his way, in spite of which he escapes (Genesis 3:18-19) — so she shall be saved, through, as passing through, her child-bearing, which is her trial, her curse, her (not means of salvation, but) hindrance in the way of it."

Third Question:

1 Timothy 5:9-16

"9 Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, 10 and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. 11 But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry 12 and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. 13 Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. 14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. 15 For some have already strayed after Satan. 16 If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows."

Here, Paul is giving Timothy instructions on how to handle the issue of widows.  The church was to provide for the older widows who had no family; pay their bills, buy their food, and meet all their needs.  But Paul then says that this isn't good for younger widows who are still able to be married and have children; if they are yet that young, having the church fully take care of them will encourage idleness that might lead them into sin.  So in their case, they are to remarry and have families.  Paul doesn't forbid widows of any age to remarry; but the elderly widows who can't bear children wouldn't be able to find husbands.  

Last Question: 

In Galatians 5, Paul gives us a list of what he calls the works of the flesh, and the fruit of the Spirit, or, the character traits of the unsaved person vs the character traits of the saved person who has the Holy Spirit in them:

Galatians 5:16-24

16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."

So, the evidence that you're saved are these fruit of the Spirit character traits that will grow and develop in you as you walk with the Lord, combined with repentance of sins (vv 24).  James and John echo this in their writings, when James teaches that "faith without works is dead," (James 2:17) and when John teaches "whoever says that they know Him but does not keep His commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him," (1 John 2:4) meaning if you say you believe in Jesus, but your life hasn't changed at all from how it was before you became a Christian, your faith isn't real.

Many do seek, and few find, just as many take the broad path, and few go in by the narrow gate, because following Jesus costs a person everything.  A lot of people seek to have their cake and eat it too; they want to remain in sin, live for themselves, and decline to obey.  In the parable of the wedding feast (Matthew 22:1-14), the man that gets thrown out is the one that shows up without the wedding garment.  The wedding garments represent the righteousness of Jesus, without which no one will be saved.  The man wanted to come in on his own terms, and was rejected.  Everyone who does this won't make it.  If you want to be sure you're going to make it, then follow the path spelled out in the Bible, not the path of your own desire, or the various paths of the wicked world we live in.  

You can know for sure that you are in Christ. The Apostle John wrote his first epistle for exactly that purpose:

"13 I have written this to you who believe in the Son of God so that you may know you have eternal life."

Salvation is pretty simple when you get right down to it:

Confess and believe that the God of Israel is the one true God.  Confess and believe that Jesus Christ is that God in human form.  Confess and believe that Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life, and then willingly allowed Himself to be killed as a sacrifice for our sins.  Confess and believe that Jesus was raised from the dead, and is now alive with God, and will someday return to judge and rule over the Earth. 

Go to the Lord in prayer, and tell Him all of this from the heart.  Confess your sins to Him.  Ask Him to forgive you.  Ask Him to save you.  Swear loyalty to Him alone as your God, and renounce all other gods forever.  Turn to God with your whole heart.  Abandon your sins.  Ask the Lord to help you turn from your sins, and to help you keep His commands. 

If you have done this sincerely, you are saved.

John 1:1-4, 14

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men...14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth."

John 3:16

16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

Romans 3:21-25

"21-22 But now God has shown us a different way to heaven --not by “being good enough” and trying to keep his laws, but by a new way (though not new, really, for the Scriptures told about it long ago). Now God says he will accept and acquit us—declare us “not guilty”—if we trust Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, by coming to Christ, no matter who we are or what we have been like. 23 Yes, all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious ideal; 24 yet now God declares us “not guilty” of offending him if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness freely takes away our sins. 25 For God sent Christ Jesus to take the punishment for our sins and to end all God’s anger against us. He used Christ’s blood and our faith as the means of saving us from his wrath."

Romans 5:8

"8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 6:23

"23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 10:9-13

Yes, this is the Holy Spirit that Jesus is speaking of.

The Holy Spirit does guide us dynamically, but a large part of His guidance comes from the Scriptures. The content of the Bible was given by the Holy Spirit, and it is primarily through study and application of that content that the Holy Spirit guides us.

The battle with the flesh is never easy, but if we read, believe, and confess what the Scripture says about how the power of sin is broken over us (Romans 6), and if we act on that profession with grace-enabled effort (1 Corinthians 9), we can be confident that the Holy Spirit will bring us through our difficulties. This is the process of sanctification, and it will be on-going for the rest of our time on this side of eternity.

In addition to the above, you need to make time for regular private prayer and worship, and attend a good church regularly. Surround yourself with other Christians, and limit your consumption of secular media.