Nov 28, 2016
*realizing Iām starting to fall for a Cancer/Gemini/Sagittarius Mars*
Me: oh NO GOD, WHY ME!! WHY ME. WHAT HAVE I DONE??!?! NOOOOOOOOOO šš
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*realizing Iām starting to fall for a Cancer/Gemini/Sagittarius Mars*
Me: oh NO GOD, WHY ME!! WHY ME. WHAT HAVE I DONE??!?! NOOOOOOOOOO šš
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The confessions of a gamophobic
Iāve never dated a lot. Iāve had a lot of near-connections, infatuations, near-misses, friendzoning (on both ends), but relationships- a true connection- those are rare in my life. Iām not ashamed of it, although I used to feel the need to keep up with my female peers in the pursuit of āloveā and āhappiness.ā Regardless, I think Iām ready to confess my crimes as a gamophobic aka a commitaphobe.
I am the frog in boiling water- I sit and wait for the warmth, wait and wait, without realizing the heat between us. This is detrimental- either you pull us off the heat, or I jump out and run.
Iām a hopeless romantic with a realist streak and a monogamous tendency- you were my best connection, but I pushed you away because I knew I was career-driven, yet every time I see you, I wish madly that a change of heart would whisk me away in the sunset. Contradictory and especially confusing- I really donāt know what to tell you...
I can be cordial and giggle my way across the dance floor, through a nice dinner, and in every text, but I sometimes just canāt connect with you. Itās instinctive, and I never believed this because Iām a scholar of formulas and algorithms, but that gut is too organic to ignore.
Number 3 leads to my 4th crime: lack of checklists/criteria. I really donāt have aĀ ātype,ā per se. But, EVERYONE has a type!Ā Yes, I have certain qualities that Iād deem as a perfect mate, but again, that connection, the mind, the character is what wins me over. And the dating apps just cannot help me with reconciling this concept. Falling back to passing superficial judgement on pictures and misspellings on profiles disgusts me to the point of tears and frustration (of myself. not all the great young gentlemen online).Ā
I am recovering from gamophobic whiplash- put two gamophobes together is like trying to shove two positives poles of magnets together and watching them repel. I was so ready to climb out of my gamophobia, but timing was just impossible. And this has reverted me into a severe gamophobic state, leaving a trail ofĀ āSorry, I donāt think weāre compatibleā texts after many first dates.Ā
With all of this listed, Iām still unsure how to approach jumping back onto the playing field. Thereās certainly no reason to not to. Youth is celebrated so highly nowadays! Yet, Iām feel like a stuck wheel in a rut. Internet, what is your advice to get out of this funk?Ā
I don't think I'm ready for the commitment of liquid eyeliner
Brain: So we're gonna be a huge commitaphobe about everything
Me: Wait I don-
Brain: but also have an extreme fear of abandonment
Me: What the actual fuck. No. Why?
Brain: You gotta.
My head is so conflicted atm. I've had way too much time alone with my thoughts and I'm struggling to figure out what I want. On one hand: relationships, hurray. Go and get one. Companionship and sweetness. And on the other: ew relationships and feelings, stay away. Be a commitaphobe as usual and play the field like you've always wanted. And on the hand I'm playing at the minute: Be a commitaphobe that's too scared to do what she wants on the off chance that she'll hurt someone's feelings. Damn I need to be cold.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Fear has stopped me from truly being happy.
Marevol
how come ur not dating anyone
Last night Dreadlock Gemini came over which is the first time I've seen him in months cause he kept cancelling and never following up. Now I had made a concious decision to let him go since he never talks to me first any more and when I do start a conversation its a real fucking struggle. I half wanted to cancel last night because I'd honestly had enough but I'd bought him a birthday present and wanted to get rid of it.Ā
So he turns up and all we do is talk and watch TV/films. But I had such an awesome time with him. He's so funny and cute and smells good and I love his smile and his hair and his clothes and EVERYTHING.
He left last night at 10.30pm and I hugged him goodbye and the bastard has once again sucked me in.
ARGHHHHH!
StupidĀ commitaphobe Suffolk living hippy!