#comfort_zone

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A few years ago I was livingand working in Malaysia. Living the ex-pat life style, with a local girlfriend & trips around Asia in my free time, delicious asian food every night, great weather. 

Things weren’t good.

If you’d said to me before - exotic lifestyle, exotic girlfriend, trips to exotic islands every month I would have been yea - sign me up.

But - I was working crazy hours, in a relationship I felt trapped in & had massive expectations put on me, traveling was an escape.

I felt dead - not living a life, not one I wanted anyway. At the time I was just starting to evaluate my life - I hung a quote by Anne Dillard on the fridge - “How we spend our days, is how we spend our lives”

It hit way too close to home. I wasn’t liking the way I was spending my days.

You see I was extremely shy & introverted, really lacking social confidence. Working in IT. I wasn’t driving my own life. I wasn’t looking after my own needs. I had my own very small comfort zone.

But it was death by a thousand cuts.

The thing is, nobody respects people who don’t stand up for themselves. If we're not living our own life's.

If we are not pushing our comfort zones, we’re moving backwards. Which ends up being much more uncomfortable! It’s only when we are doing the uncomfortable work of growing that we can feel comfortable, which is a pain in the ass!

About 2 years ago - everything went pear-shaped. The Universe sent me a big ‘get your fucking act together” signal. The way I was living wasn’t working and if finally all caught up with me. All the people pleasing, the wasted time, going out of my way to get away from any kind of experience that might be a pain in the ass.

So I decided I needed to be 100% responsible for everything in my life.

I started to invest in myself.

I started out reading great books - books that really pushed me/made me feel uncomfortable. Pain in the ass books.

I really cut down on the amount of crap going into my body. Crap food, crap media. Spending less time around crappy people, more time around positive people. Getting fit & healthy.

I went to a social confidence coach in London who made me approach a hundred plus of people on Oxford St and complement or start conversations with them. It started off really fucking awkward. With the coach pushing me & generally being a pain in the ass.

I was finding starting conversations is a skill. I could feel the improvements as I went on. I was finding most people were genuinely happy to have conversations with strangers if a little suspicious. 

I started to feel the changes in myself. I wasn’t going up to people apologetically, I was going full in. My body language was becoming more confident. My voice was changing - strength and expressiveness. My inner voice was changing, the way I was seeing others and myself - seeing everyone as really interesting human beings. I was becoming much less 'me' focused. And the reactions from random strangers was totally changing - becoming incredibly positive and warm back to me. 

It starts to become huge fun. For me but also for them. 

I remember the high after the first day - total elation. Its an incredible feeling. Its like you radiate - random people were smiling at me as I walking down the street, getting into random conversations without even thinking about it - in coffee shops, with shop keepers.

After that, I started taking acting classes, improv classes, going to meetups. I started socialising much much more than before. Meeting so many new people.

 Its all about pushing the comfort zones every day. The pain in the ass process of continuous growth.

All my life I’ve always believed I was an introvert. Now I know I’ve always been an extravert - just one with a load of self-limiting fears.

I have a new quote on my wall now, by Eleanor Roosevelt

“Do one thing that scares you every day”

This is what scares me most today - opening up like this, being vulnerable like this.