#collegeprofessors

Every so often, I am reminded of people who made an impact on my life. Sometimes the impact is small, sometimes it is lasting, but it is an impact nonetheless. Recently, during a conversation about NIL in college sports and notable Indiana University alumni, my mind did not go to the obvious names. Instead, it went to a professor who left a deeper imprint on my life than any celebrity alumnus…

*class starts cheering*

Professors I Have Hated and Loved

I only hated two professors in college. One because he was misogynist buttface who only liked guys and was openly derisive about women being incapable of creating art because we were busy “focusing on making babies.” I walked out of his class after yelling at him for a good three minutes.

Most people think I am mellow. I am not mellow. Sometimes, I have no chill. This was one of those times.

I…

Over the course of my college career which has spanned from Boston University to Michigan State, I’ve run into plenty of professors. Some like to lecture vicariously through puppets. Some might just have taken their nursing home bus straight to class. Others know exactly what their students are going through and are as accommodating as possible.

One can only hope for a fair professor, but especially in higher education, the world is unforgiving. Here are some of the educators you can expect to meet in your journey to graduation.

The tyrant

Your grammar, research, and overall essay structure may be flawless according to all conventions of the English language...but as you can see from the 2.0 you’ll get on your paper, the tyrant doesn’t care. Her standing tenure with the history department entitles her to grade as she sees fit. After all, no one is sitting down in the classroom to evaluate her efficacy as an instructor. Get your pens ready, because reading off of a packet of notes that has existed, unchanged, since she started teaching 30 years ago is enough to convince MSU to dole out her 100K+ salary.

The left fielder

While the left fielder may delineate all of the chapters, review packets, and worksheets that will pertain to an upcoming exam for his students’ benefit, the left fielder is also full of shit. Questions from future material, important facts that the left fielder ‘forgot’ to mention in class, and algorithms from the prerequisite class you took 3 years ago are some of the curveballs waiting to crush your dreams of passing this exam.

The busy one

The busy one isn’t just working out of a textbook; she’s still on the frontlines of the industry. While she may be able to tell you firsthand about the status quo of foreign policy after sitting on a panel in Washington D.C., the air travel and length of the conference itself rendered her absent from two class periods. Oh, and she wants you to read pages 45-467 for the exam the she hasn’t made yet, scheduled for two days from now.

The funny one

The funny one hasn’t forgotten that he was an undergrad too. While this doesn’t necessarily mean that the coursework is going to be easy, the funny one can actually fill a huge lecture hall outside of exam days and is as helpful during office hours as he is hilarious during class. Mind you, just like a good comedian, he won’t hesitate to make you a punchline if you’re messing with his lecture flow.

The TA

Like ‘the busy one’, the TA has other goals in mind but has to supervise you stupid undergrad shits to get an advanced degree or some more ink on the resume. In my experience, the TA could be a stuck-up, doctorate-seeking ‘tyrant’ in training, an unintelligible international student who waltzed past MSU’s minimal English-speaking requirement, or a fellow undergrad who also happened to hook up with your roommate last year (yikes).

The not so funny one

This is a two-for one. The not so funny one either tells enough horrible jokes to the point where the class laughs uncomfortably anyway, or, like the ‘tyrant’, has a nonexistent sense of humor that is often accompanied by academic intimidation. Students in the latter’s case ask a question only to find themselves immersed in a world of pain and humiliation for confusing Immanuel Kant with Friedrich Nietzsche.

The zero fucks one