#colagersunite

The battle for equality for all people has been and will continue to be a hard fight. For the LGBTQ+ community there is still much more to be done, but as of now many amazing things have been done. As we continue to push through adversity, it is important to celebrate what has happened. As time progresses so does change. In 2003, Massachusetts became the first U.S. state to legalize gay marriage. This was amazing for the LGBTQ+ community! Twelve years later, Friday June 26th, 2015, the supreme court legalized same sex marriage in all fifty states! These changes make the world more beautifully diverse.

I am very proud to say that this year, 2017, my mom was able to marry her amazing girlfriend. I am so happy for them. They have dealt with all the stares and the confusion from others and they have overcome all of that and are now together for worse or for better.

That being said, this is for everyone in the LGBTQ+ communities. You inspire me! You are so strong and you fight for what you believe. In today's society, many people are left alone to fight for themselves and many give up. Conforming to societal “norms” is very common yet very tragic. The political atmosphere right now greatly adds to this as well. As for you though, I hope you continue to fight for what is right and love yourself and everyone else for who they are!

I was born in Maryland to my birth mother; my real parents, my two fathers, were rushing from New York City to the hospital. When they brought me home, the doorman couldn’t comprehend how two men had a baby. Only months old, my second father went to court to legally adopt me, but the judge refused to add his name to my birth certificate. What was taboo only seventeen years ago is now legal in all but one state. Being my fathers’ son gave me a front row seat in the LGBT movement. From television interviews and protests, from polling places to the Capitol building, I have fought alongside my parents in order to secure equal treatment for all Americans.

Before I could walk, I marched in the parades of NYC with my parents. As I got older, I held a sign or a flag. Then for the 2008 elections, Florida’s Amendment 2 was on the ballot. This amendment would make same-sex marriage illegal and become part of the permanent Florida Constitution. Because I had same-sex parents, this injustice was personal, and at the age of nine, I became more visible: attending meetings, speaking to communities, and on election day, rallying at polling places. I will never forget the ignorant rhetoric people said as they passed me: “faggot lover...Hitler.”  My innocent mind didn’t comprehend the hateful words and looks, and I asked my dad why people were linking me to Hitler just for wanting my family to be legitimized. That night as my family gathered around the TV, I recall my disillusionment because Florida voted to Constitutionally exclude my family. I remember my fathers’ explanation: We don’t have the same rights as other people because of our love.  At this point, I felt left out and scared.

Surprisingly, that election “loss” seemed to be the spark that drove my family to more activism.  Locally, we worked with Equality Florida to march in protest of Federal and State Laws. Nationally, I joined Outspoken Generation where I participated in several panel discussions around the country.  Then in 2013 we began to see the fruits of our labors:  The Defense of Marriage was ruled unconstitutional by the US Supreme Court. The idea that our work translated into actual progress showed me that change was possible through exercising my First Amendment rights. Then, the prodigious victory was delivered by the Supreme Court (2015) when they legalized same-sex marriage. When I received the text from my parents that they could finally, after 26 years get married, I was overcome with emotion.

Unfortunately, the fight for equal rights is not over.  In the words of Martin Luther King Jr: “Injustice anywhere is [still] a threat to justice everywhere”. Recently, States have begun the process of weakening protections the Supreme Court (2015) put in place. Far too many states don’t have anti-LGBTQ job discrimination laws. These are injustices that drove me, with The Religious Action Center and once by myself, go to Washington, DC, to lobby Senators and House members to either vote for or sponsor legislation making discrimination illegal. This discrimination led me to participate in panels hosted by COLAGE and Family Equality Council, two pro-LGBTQ organizations.

Love lives in the U.S. because America is the symbol of freedom: freedom of speech, religion, who to love, to name a few. America is where people come to start a new life. It’s where people can start anew. America has built its reputation off of the backs of hard workers, a lot of them from other countries. President Trump is seemingly convinced that America is better off without immigrants. He wants to take away all the rights that hard workers have earned, and he wants to take away basic rights that humans deserved.

Recently, I went to the 11th Annual Moral March organized by the NC NAACP in Raleigh, NC, with family. The rally was organized to draw attention to both national and local issues impacting an intersection of Americans including income inequality, health care, and the rollback of civil and voting rights, as well as the ill actions of President Donald Trump.

As children of people who have been targeted we understand what it means for ‘love to live here.’ And so acceptance of people who are different than us, and becoming educated about the travel ban and what it means as it relates to American values and Christian values, or COLAGE values, is so important to us as a community to understand.

And we take to the streets to protest when the government enacts laws, executive orders, or appoints people that are contradictory to what we value as American citizens. History repeats itself. The refugee travel ban resembles how other minorities were rounded up and prosecuted for being themselves. They were forced to hide who they truly were in order to survive. COLAGE's mission is to "unite people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer parents into a network of peers supports them as they nurture and empower each other to be skilled, self-confident, and just leaders in our collective communities."

This is important. We should treat anyone of any race, gender, sexuality, or income with care and respect, and COLAGE's mission is to allow love to live here in America. And President Trump is contradicting the ideals that America has instilled into the country. His actions are not only affecting us, but they are affecting people in other countries, who are trying to escape the living h*** that they might be enduring in their home country. America is "land of the free". President Trump's ill-advised actions are contradicting this "land of the free, home of the brave" ideal that America embraced.

The best thing that I feel like I can do is to stay strong for the people who might need someone to, and to keep reminding myself that by making sure that our voices are heard is the most important thing, and to keep reminding ourselves that love lives here in America, and we can’t let people like President Trump keep love, in any form, from thriving.

For the past few months, I’ve been struggling.  The time from the election to the inauguration was an emotional roller coaster: concern for my family, worry about my friends who are part of even more marginalized groups, hope that it wouldn’t be as bad as I feared.  Then inauguration, the Women’s March and the last two weeks of Executive Orders, misinformation, and outright lies.

I’ve found myself exhausted and we’re only a few weeks in.  So I’ve started to realize that it’s going to be a long four years and that I’m not going to have the energy to keep up the resistance if I don’t also make self-care a priority.

Here are a few things that I’ve starting doing to help me manage:

Cut down on Facebook and the news.  I used to check it several times a day but found I would get sucked into the negativity.  I want to stay informed but I also need to take a break and remind myself what’s good in the world.  I now restrict myself to checking 2-3 times a day and have started setting time limits as well.

Taking time to move.  I spend my work breaks walking 10-15 minutes twice a day.  It’s still too cold in my state to go outside and breathe in the fresh air.  But even just stepping away from everything to enjoy some peace and quiet has a way of calming and re-energizing me.

Taking time to laugh.  I have a couple websites that I like to go to when I’m feeling down just to read jokes or watch funny animal videos and have a good chuckle.  Every couple of days I try to take a half an hour to peruse these and laugh until I’m out of breath.  

Step back from toxic relationships.  I’ve made the difficult decision to stop hanging out with some people who don’t see the world the same way I do.  I’m an activist and spend much of my time fighting for equality.  When I’m finally able to be social with friends, I want to be around people who don’t question how I spend my time.

A friend of mine ends each day by posting what she’s grateful for on Facebook. For the past two weeks, I’ve found myself reading it every night before bed and reflecting on what I’m thankful for in my own life.  When it comes to self-care, find what works for you and make time for it.  It’s ok to make yourself and your physical, emotional and mental well-being a priority in life.

Hey everyone. I know everyone else has made posts about the election already, but I feel like it's very important to get out what we need to say. I want to preface my post by saying I am absolutely not the ethnicity or race most affected by the outcome of the election but based on how scared I am for the next four years just in my situation, I can't even begin to imagine how others who are not white or who are immigrants or are another minority feel. As a woman and daughter of two men, this election hit me hard. My parents and brother will never understand my point of view on the election since they are men and don't have to worry about things like abortion rights or birth control access for themselves, but I also won't understand my dads' points of view as gay men with two still fairly young children. The night of the election was tough. My family had many people over, large plates of falafel, wraps, rice and more. We had the TV set to jump from news station to news station and devices on polls. Seeing that she had over a 70% chance of winning according to certain websites, we all felt pretty confident. Emotions started to turn quickly when Florida was too close to call. All the newscasters tried to convince us a victory for him was still unlikely, but her losing Florida showed us something in those preliminary polls was way off. You all know how that night went. Around 11 people realized it wasn't going to be the outcome we desired and started to go home. Around 12 I gave up too and went to bed. The next morning when I woke up, I still had a small glimmer of hope but a quick visit to Snapchat was the first time I faced the truth. I went to school and had Spanish first period where our teacher let us discuss the election- in Spanish of course. My next class was AP world history and that class was very focused on the results. By that time I knew he won Florida and a few other states, but when my teacher pulled up the map of results, I nearly cried seeing Pennsylvania turn red. I was not expecting that. Many people that day cried, there were lots of hugs and trips to guidance counselors who were kind enough to work extra hours so people could talk. Of course, being in a diverse city, there were some differences of opinion. Most people who know me know not to gloat about politics because, like many others, to me the election means more than just who runs the country, it also determines how my family will live, if my parents can be married, if they can both be my legal parents. Post election there is a lot everyone needs to do to step up and protect everyone. First thing I want you to do is go hug your loved ones, be that friends, family, family friends or your next door neighbor of 20 years. We all need to come together, nothing will happen if all the election does is divides us. That's what he wants, he wants to see us divided, but we cannot let that happen. Next, host a gathering with friends and family just to talk. My family had one this past weekend with about 30 people and it helped everyone a lot. We made lists of organizations to support and talked about how we will cope with whatever challenge is thrown our way in the next four years. Get out there and stand up for what you believe in, find out if your town or a city near you is holding a protest or woman's March. I will be at the woman's March in Boston and in fact I will be selling Girl Scout cookies at a train station shortly after to promote girl power because organizations like Girl Scouts are going to help young women have helpful experiences and the Girl Scouts teach girls we can do whatever we set our minds to.

These next four years won't be anything short of eventful, but we can get through it together. There are plenty of support groups available and remember, you can always contact us here at this blog. COLAGE has also been holding national calls for people with LGBTQ parents to talk about our thought, fear and hopes for the future. Our next call will be after the inauguration on Tuesday 1/24/17 at 8pm EST. For more information about the call please check out our Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/colage/

To me, this isn’t just any election. This election was unusual in the sense that it wasn’t decided on which candidate would create more jobs, grow the economy, handle international incidents better, combat poverty at home, deal with entitlement programs, or even really which candidate had the best temperament to serve as president. Watching those results trickle in from the states I was overcome with a feeling of helplessness that I had never experienced before in my life. Previously, I thought my country had the mental capacity to understand the rising threat of climate change. We don’t. I thought my country would rise up and reject the overt discriminatory policies advocated for by him. We didn’t. I prayed that my country would elect a president who comprehends the complex foreign policy issues facing us today. Those prayers went unanswered.

 As someone who is proud to identify as a queerspawn (child of an LGBT couple), I am left in fear of what the President-Elect’s policies are going to do to my family. The Vice President-Elect has been one of the most vehement opponents of the Gay rights movement and the fact that he is a heartbeat away from the presidency is quite frightening to me, to say the least. His backward support for Indiana’s religious “freedom” laws and fervent support for conversion therapy coupled with his newfound ranking in the White House has made him the single greatest threat to the LGBTQ community.    

Sadly, the LGBTQ community is nowhere close to being the only community marginalized by the President-Elect. Immigrants, Muslims, Hispanics, and Women have all been the target of his offensive rhetoric. Hate groups such as the Klu Klux Klan recognize him as the candidate who is going to bring America back to being a “White Christian Republic”. And that is why I am so fearful because contrary to the election results America already is great. We are great because of who we are, together. I want to live in an America with people of every race, religion, and ethnicity. One where everyone is recognized as an equal. I can empathize with those who feel harmed by the incoming administration.  Last month in an attempt to feel better I went to a protest. At its peak, there were over 5000 people there. They showed me that despite my state going red there is a vast amount of people ready to take to the streets, peacefully, to denounce this bigotry. And that gave me some hope for the next 4 years. It showed that yes he may be the President-Elect, the incoming leader of the free world, but he does not represent us. The people who don’t condone his bigoted attacks. The people who have sympathy towards the refugees needing a country. So yes, he will be the President, but these four years are going to be marked by grassroots efforts to prevent this man from carrying out his disastrous plans.

My dad came out to our family when I was 12.  He was a judge for the Idaho State Court of Appeals.  In other words, he held a high position in an extremely conservative state.  Part of his coming out wasn’t only dealing with his sexuality or my parents’ divorce, but also the fact that he wasn’t coming out publicly.  He had to be re-elected every few years and if people knew he was gay, he would lose his job.

Part of growing up in a closeted family is the constant fear that your parent will be outed at some point.  There were never any groups like COLAGE in my area, but even if there were, my family never would have been comfortable with me hanging out with them.  This was before the age of the internet; now it’s much easier for people to connect online, but some people still fear accidentally outing their family through affiliations with LGBTQ groups.

Growing up, I only knew one other family like mine.  My dads knew another, publicly out, gay couple with two sons that were about the same age as my sister and me.  We used to get together occasionally for family nights. While I’ve always been grateful to have some exposure to other LGBTQ families, I also remember another strong feeling; one that I’ve never spoken of until now: jealousy.

I was jealous because their boys had something that I didn’t think I’d ever have, the freedom of choice.  My goal with stating this isn’t to diminish the struggles of those in out LGBTQ families or to suggest that they don’t have challenges of their own.  Kids in out families often choose to hide their families and have to learn who to trust in their communities.  The key difference is that kids in out families have an option, whereas those in closeted families face the unique challenge of knowing, without a doubt, that honesty would destroy their family.

A large part of my struggle with growing up in a family with gay dads wasn’t the ‘gay’ part.  It was living in a conservative community that constantly told me my family was immoral and having no voice.  I could never speak up; I could never defend my family.  And for someone who is very outspoken in every other aspect of life, being forced to be silent was devastating for me.

My dad is now retired, legally married to his partner of 20 years and living in California.  After years of hiding, I finally feel liberated to be able to be an advocate for my family.  At the same time, every time I speak or write about my personal experience, I’m reminded that there are still so many kids living in closeted families.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who told me that she didn’t understand why closeted families still exist.  “Gay marriage is legal after all.”  But there are still many socially conservative states and many intolerant neighborhoods, especially in rural communities.  I had to remind her that even here in Idaho, despite years of efforts, it’s still legal to fire someone or deny them housing because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

For some LGBTQ families, there is still a lot of fear and there are many that are forced to live a lie because honesty isn’t a safe option for their family.  Unfortunately, for many of these families, being closeted means not only being hidden from the straight community, but sheltering themselves from LGBTQ family resources as well.  

I have no idea how many kids in closeted families read this blog, but my guess is that there are some.  They may not actively participate, comment or engage with others for fear of people somehow identifying them.  But if they’re like me, they will seek out communities and families like theirs even if they’re watching from the sidelines.