#coco works

cw: smut, angst, fluff, pwp, 3some (no mxm), jealous!switchy!jaemin + instigator!dom!mark, non-idol!au, weed use, high sex, explicit protected/unprotected pinv sex, multiple sex scenes, oral (giving/receiving), fingering, spitting, voyeurism, rough sex, overstim, shotgunning, choking, some slapping, mating press, nipple play, squirting, dirty talk, one-sided?pining, degradation, possessiveness, names: sunshine, baby, pretty girl, slut

you’re breathing hard, seeing stars, and feeling him everywhere. your eyes flutter up at the man above you, his hooded red eyes locked on yours, lips pulled into his familiar dopey grin as his hips meet yours over and over.

nights with jaemin always go like this. smoke sessions turn into more, and high thoughts come to life.

“fuck baby, feels so fucking good,” jaemin drawls out, leaning down to meet your lips in a deep, sloppy kiss. he groans as you clench around him, your eyes shutting tightly as you reach your peak. you’re not quite sure how long you’ve been at it, feeling like it was ages ago that you lit up the first joint of the night.

“give it to nana, c’mon, angel,” he murmurs, readjusting to plant his hold on your hips, eyes moving down to focus on the way you take him in. “pussy was made for me, so fucking perfect, you’re so pretty. and only for me,” his voice and speed pick up, fingers digging into your hips.

“right?” he breaks from his trance to look back at your face, wanting to hear your answer.

you can’t even register what he’s saying anymore, each thrust reaching so deep into you. you can only chant his name and choruses of “yes, yes, yes.”

the pressure built in your stomach snaps, and you feel your composure crumble, cumming around him with a loud shriek, walls pulsing around him.

“f-fuck,” he hisses, hips stuttering as he moves down, intending to meet your lips once more.

with the last bit of your strength, however, you pull yourself to his chest, avoiding his lips by burying your face in his neck as you ride out your high.

he seems to pay no mind, now unable to hold back, gritting his teeth as he anchors his arms around you tightly, finally spilling into the condom. his hips continue to move, and after he’s ridden out his own climax, he collapses with you into the bed.

the feeling of being wrapped in his arms lying in the fluffy comforters of his bed is the perfect recipe for a come down, and you feel yourself start to drift to sleep. your eyes close, and you hear jaemin’s low voice, snuggling into you as he peppers kisses on your cheek.

“did so good for me, my beautiful girl,” he murmurs between kisses, and you hum before sleep envelops you completely.

you wake up the following morning, groggy with your high from the night before lingering just slightly. you’re in one of jaemin’s hoodies, and can’t bring yourself to get out of bed yet.

you hear a faint humming from the kitchen, and you can picture it all so vividly.

mornings with jaemin always go like this. waking up cleaned up and to him cooking in his cat apron and boxers, fluffy pancakes laid in front of you as he spoils you rotten.

you let out a sigh, pushing yourself from his pillowy sheets to get up and gather your clothes. as tempting as it is, you’ve decided to do your best to stop falling into this routine you’ve built.

jaemin is your main plug, and you’ve known him for a good while now. he’s always been attractive to you, and he’s never hid his own interest, either. nothing crazy ever happened until you showed up one day having left your wallet at your apartment. he offered another way to pay, and you haven’t spent a dime on weed since.

he’s always so sweet, sweeter than the pancakes he makes the mornings after blowing your back out, but too sweet for someone who you could only label as a fuck buddy. he’s sweet, but never serious.

in the most, and maybe only, serious conversation you’ve had with him, jaemin made it very clear when you started sleeping together that there were no strings attached. he just wasn’t in the right place for a relationship and you agreed back then.

but a no-sleepover rule turned into weekly sleepovers and more, and not seeing each other aside from hook ups and smoke sessions turned into grocery stops and even meeting some of each other’s friends.

yet you didn’t dare bring up the dreaded “what are we?” conversation in fear he’d call it off completely, his deeply unserious nature making it feel like he could slip from your hands at any moment.

as time passed, deep down, you know you may have developed feelings for him— he’s made it hard not to with the way he treats you, but you aren’t sure if you’re the only recipient of his sweetness, and that chips away at you.

you change back into your clothes and exit his room with your stuff.

“good morning, sunshine!” jaemin greets once he catches sight of you. he raises an eyebrow, confused that you look like you’re ready to go.

“i came up with a new whipped cream recipe, i put it on the side in case you don’t like it,” he explains, two dishes set up on his dining room table.

“oh, and i have someone coming over tonight, but you can take your time,” he comments nonchalantly. you fight the urge to ask who, but you build your resolve to enforce the distance.

“i actually have to head out. i’ve got a few errands to run,” you smile as best you can, but jaemin frowns.

“errands? do you need me to go with y—”

“no—i’m okay. thanks, though,” you interrupt, trying your best not to meet his eyes. “and sorry you went through the trouble,” you add, motioning to his pancakes.

he’s quiet for a second, undoubtedly trying to read you, but he moves wordlessly and grabs one of the plates, turning to his kitchen.

“don’t apologize. here, at least take this to go,” he insists, and before you can even object, he’s whisked a set of pancakes and cream into a container, wrapping it up in a bag before giving it to you.

“let me know how you like the cream, i’m experimenting.” he smiles gently, but it’s hard to meet his with your own.

“i will, thank you, jaemin.” the way you say his name is far too cold, but neither of you address it.

he walks you to the door and gives you a quick peck, another regular occurrence you know is far too intimate for a supposed friends with benefits situation. you can’t help but wonder—can he even treat someone else like this?

are you his only one? a voice in your head tells you no.

you say your goodbyes and head out the door, walking briskly down the hall. you enter the elevator and lean back against its walls once the doors close, letting out a deep breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

a familiar ringtone interrupts your thoughts, and you pull out your phone to see a message from a contact you haven’t seen in a while.

as much as you want him to be, jaemin isn’t the only one for you either.

m: wyd tn?

it’s a simple text, but you know exactly what it implies. you think for a bit before responding, taking your time on your walk back home. you could use a distraction, and you know the person on the other side of this message could be just that.

you: mmm maybe getting smoked out?

m: beat me to it

m: come over, got smth new for you to try

you never thought you’d be hopping from one plug’s house almost directly to another, but after devouring the pancakes jaemin made and a long nap at your own place, you find yourself faced with a grinning mark lee.

you had met him through a mutual friend when you ran out of weed while jaemin was out of town, and you were absolutely floored at how attractive he was.

he offered to smoke you out the first time you met him, and it was only a matter of time before you ended up in his bed. smoke and sex—that’s all there was to this connection. when mark said no strings attached, he meant it.

that’s what you like about him.

you don’t see him often, but when you do, it’s always a good time. you take your usual spot on his bed, and he pulls out one of his many pipes and a small glass jar.

“here, smell this,” he holds up the opened jar to you, and you get a whiff of the pungent buds. “good? it’s a new hybrid i picked up. might start selling.”

it doesn’t smell much different from what you’re used to, but flower before it burns is always pleasant to you. he gets to grinding and packing right away, and a comfortable silence settles between you two as he takes the first hit.

he offers you the pipe and lighter, and you carefully relight the ground leaves, breathing in the smoke. after quite a few, you’re on cloud 9, and mark seems to be on the same boat.

the tension you were feeling has dissipated noticeably, and you can’t help but feel that this was the right decision for you. you needed to be out of the house, or you’d be running right back to jaemin’s.

jaemin.

jaemin who has someone else at his place right now, maybe doing everything he does with you.

jaemin who was in mark’s position not too long ago.

you try to rid your thoughts of his face, his name, his voice, him.

as if he can read your mind, mark motions for you to scoot closer to him, wrapping an arm around your waist. “one more?” he asks, and you nod.

with a rough hand on your lower back, he guides you to straddle him, seating you over him as he grabs his pipe. he takes a long pull, setting it to the side before his hands snake back to your waist.

you lean down to him, lips hovering over his before one hand comes to the back of your neck. he blows the smoke into your waiting mouth before melding your lips together.

you start to grind your hips into his, and all you can think about is how good it all feels, finally registering just how high you are. you never realize it until you get that wave of lightness in your head and body, having lost track of how many hits you took while lost in thought.

your brain is mush, and you can’t stay focused. part of you is glad you can’t think right now, honed in on the way mark’s hands and lips roam all over and in you, clothes tossed carelessly from the bed.

one thing you’ve come to know is that while sex with jaemin borders love-making, mark fucks.

and fucked is exactly how you find yourself, mark pressing your head into his pillows, ass up as he slams into you from behind. his hands shift to a bruising grip on your hips, pushing down so that your back stays arched just how he likes it.

“f-fuck.. fuck, that’s it.” strings of curses and groans leave his mouth at the feeling of you wrapped around him, his own mind void of anything but your plush walls, drool threatening to drip from his mouth at the addicting feeling as he hits you over and over in that spot that makes you squeal.

“how’s this pussy so tight? fuck, fuck, sucking me in like crazy..” mark’s a talker, and it’s always nasty. never the heart wrenching sweet nothings that jaemin has for you.

you’re pulled from your daze, realizing your other plug has been on your mind the entire time, despite this being a supposed distraction. with your eyes shut tightly, your mind drifts, and you start to picture his pretty smile, his voice in your ear, the way jaemin feels wrapped in your innermost walls.

in the process, you unconsciously clench around mark, at which he hisses.

his hips pick up the pace, speed bruising as his pelvis meets you from behind, a hand coming down to grab a fistful of your ass. he squeezes hard, rubbing over its expanse. teeth gnawing at his bottom lip, he admires the smooth skin before slapping it, hard.

you yelp in surprise at the sharp sting as you’re brought back to the man inside of you.

the sensation has you clenching even tighter around him, and he chuckles darkly at that “baby likes that? know you like it rough, the way i fuck this cunt.”

you’re lightheaded from the lack of air, the stinging, and the way he pounds you deeper and deeper into his sheets. he slaps your ass another time, and again, your cries and pulsing increasing at each one.

you do like it. in fact you think you love it—the way pain always melts into pleasure with mark. you don’t even feel yourself push your body back in his hands, wanting to feel more.

you can’t see him, but his eyes take in your wiggling hips, glued to the way his cock moves in and out of you, addicted to the way broken moans leave you at each stroke. he lifts a leg, planting his foot into the bed, fucking into you even harder in this new position at a spot that has you seeing stars.

you can only wail into his sheets, tears and drool soaking his pillows, feeling your stomach start to tighten. your muffled cries get louder and louder, and mark knows your body well enough to know you’re close.

“yeah— just like that. c’mon, cum on this dick baby, cum for me. milk me dry, pretty..” it’s all too much, and his words and last few thrusts have your eyes rolling back. in a flash, you’re cumming with a loud shriek as your body releases all of its energy, crying as mark pounds you through it.

he’s quick to follow, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he pushes his way through your walls gripping down on him. a deep groan bursts from his chest as his hips stutter, and he pulls out quickly and jerks himself furiously over your ass, admiring the way his release paints your skin.

his hold on you releases and your hips fall, strength completely gone from your body. the fatigue and weed coursing through your veins threaten to glue you to his sheets for the night.

mark rolls over beside you, eyes closed as he murmurs something along the lines of “so fucking good.” almost immediately he descends into soft snores, tangling up in his sheets.

you don’t usually stay over, just staying in bed until you’re ready to go. mark has always offered as a courtesy, but you know it’s better this way. maybe it’s a part of you unconsciously saving that for jaemin that sends you home each time, no matter how spent you are.

yet mark’s offer is extremely tempting in this moment, your body feeling so heavy with this new strain you smoked and the aftermath of his work on you.

one night couldn’t hurt. you give into your brain fog and find yourself drifting to sleep, letting your eyes close and breathing relax.

you’re so close, but a buzzing from your phone on mark’s bedside table alerts you. you’re almost too tired to answer, but you reach for the device anyways.

immediately, you regret checking it, your screen glaring only to display the very person you’ve been trying to get out of your head. what happened to having someone over?

you internally debate answering it, especially since mark’s knocked out next to you. but once again your judgement is clouded by your overstimulated mind.

you tap the green answer button.

“hi there, beautiful,” his voice rings through the speaker into your ear, and oh, how the sound of his voice sends chills through your entire being.

“hi..” you reply sluggishly.

“sleepy? i know you just left, but i was gonna ask if you’d come over.” his voice also sounds a bit tired, but there’s humor to his tone. you want to ask what happened to his company, but you hold back.

“mhm, smoked a bit and heading to sleep soon,” you reply, hoping it’ll end at that. you’d say you regret coming to mark’s first, but again you don’t know what, or who, jaemin was doing tonight. and with the way you know your legs will be wobbling in the morning, there’s nothing to regret.

“oh? what was on the menu?” he asks, interest piqued of course at the mention of weed.

“something new...” you yawn out, but you’re met with silence on the other line. something immediately feels off. “jaemin?”

“new? i don’t remember stocking anything new recently.. you know you don’t need to buy overpriced shit somewhere else, just let me know what you want and i’ll find it.” he chides. his voice is playful, but with a serious undertone, and you quickly realize your mistake.

“um—” warm arms slither around your waist before you can respond, and you feel hot breath fan over your ear, giving you goosebumps.

“sorry pretty, can you keep it down a bit? been a long day today..” mark murmurs into your ear, voice deep and hoarse. in a second he’s back to his soft snoring, now wrapped around you as if nothing happened.

there’s no doubt in your mind that jaemin heard that. the silence following that is so heavy, and your mind races as you try to think of how to follow up.

“who was that?” jaemin’s voice finally comes through the phone, devoid of any emotion. you’ve never heard his voice like this, and you genuinely can’t think of anything to say.

“um—sorry jaemin, gotta go. goodnight,” you reply in a rush, cutting off any further conversation with an abrupt end to the call.

mark groans as you unwrap yourself from his arms, redressing as quickly as you can, limbs a bit uncoordinated with the high still running through you and the effects of mark blowing your back out.

you call a cab home, and only once you’re finally in the comfort of your own bed do you allow yourself to fully process what just happened.

it’s not like you were doing anything wrong, so why did it feel that way? jaemin had no obligation to know who else you spent time with, just as you had none for him.

you just never thought of the possibility of the two plugs crossing paths in any way.

regardless, it shouldn’t be a big deal. yet the feeling in your gut remains, and you know why, even if you won’t admit it.

your heart sinks, scared at what jaemin’s reaction might be. scared that he’ll care, confusing you even further, or worse, that he won’t care.

either way, you don’t know if you could take it.

you haven’t heard from jaemin in two weeks. he didn’t contact you after you hung up on him like you thought he would, and when you finally mustered up the courage to reach out to him, you were left unanswered.

it doesn’t help that mark is out of town for a little while, too, mentioning a trip with some of his close friends. it’s just the cherry on top of your frustration, and you only reach out once, not wanting to put yourself in a position to be rejected again.

you know it can’t be helped, but you really are going through it.

when it reaches week 3 without seeing either of your plugs, you conclude this is good for you. it’s a solid time to reflect—no confusion, no distraction, just you and your thoughts.

you even took a break from smoking for a bit. you found that you’d spiral thinking about your predicament everytime you were high, so you decided it was time for a tolerance break anyway. with a clearer mind, you come to a conclusion.

you can’t deny it—you have feelings for jaemin that run deeper than they seem, and you need to bring an end to the ambiguity of your relationship.

yes, mark blows your mind every time you’re in his bed, but it’s not like jaemin necessarily lacks in any way in that department, either. he has potential. you’ll miss it, but you probably could live without fucking mark.

you’d go back to him for one more taste to see if you actually believe that, but you’re trying to stop complicating things for yourself.

if it turns out that it’s not in the cards with jaemin, as sad as you’ll be, at least you can get that closure to move on and you can hit up mark without that funky feeling in your gut.

just as you resolve to contact the object of your affections, message partially typed out on your phone, a buzzing of your phone startles you.

he has impeccable timing as always, jaemin’s name reading clearly on your screen. you take a deep breath, calming yourself best as you can.

“hello?”

“hi angel,” his voice is just as sweet as you remember, and some stress leaves your body at that. half of you feared he’d be as stoic as he was the last time you had spoken. “it’s been a while, how are you?”

you have so many questions for him—where he’s been the past few weeks, why he never responded to your message, why he’s acting normal. yet you don’t ask any of that, nor do you answer his question.

“can i come see you?” is what instead leaves you.

“i was about to ask the same thing,” he responds, voice just a bit more serious. “come over?”

the entire commute to his place, you resolve your mind to be honest with jaemin, even if it means things won’t be the same. you need that clarity.

he meets you at the door as he always does, and the second his door opens, the faint smell of weed hits your nose. you haven’t smoked with him in a while, and you feel a bit of sadness rise at that.

jaemin is pleasant, but he initiates no physical contact—a stark contrast to his usual clingy self. that’s a good thing for you in this moment, but you can’t help but crave his touch. there’s a slight tension you sense behind his usual smile, and you brace yourself for the conversation to come.

nothing could have prepared you for the sight before you when you walk into his living room.

“hey there, pretty girl.”

everything in you screams that this has to be a dream, but your blood runs cold at the very real mark lee sitting on jaemin’s couch, leaned back comfortably with a calm smirk on his face. he has a blunt in one hand and his other waves its fingers at you in greeting. “surprised?”

to say you’re dumbfounded is an understatement, and when you open your mouth to speak, nothing comes out.

you look between mark and jaemin, who also has a calm expression on his face. “i heard you knew my buddy here.” he moves to sit down next to mark, patting the space between them. “take a seat?”

you haven’t had a single bit of weed in at least a week, but this whole thing feels like a fever dream you’d have on a bad trip. your feet stay planted where you are and you shake your head. jaemin shakes his head too and gets back up, leading you by the waist to guide you between them.

“h-how do you two know each other?” you finally ask. all conversation plans you had in your head were tossed out the window the second you saw mark.

he speaks up first, offering the blunt up to your lips. “relax, pretty, you’re not in trouble.” your eyes move from him to the blunt, and he nods assuringly. you let him hold it for you as you take a decent drag from it. you need something to calm you down.

mark takes one last hit as well before passing it over you to jaemin, who puts it out after taking a couple on his own.

“remember how i said i was on a trip with some close friends?” your heart sinks. there’s no way. “jaem here is one of ‘em. got him into dealing and everything, too.” jaemin nods in agreement.

“known this guy for years, and we’ve always had a lot in common, even among all of our other friends,” jaemin explains, sliding a hand from your knee up to your thigh, squeezing lightly. “didn’t think we’d have you, too.”

he looks into your eyes, calling your name softly with an unwavering gaze. “be honest. is mark the only other one?”

his expression is so serious, and when you nod yes, jaemin leans down to plant a deep kiss on your lips. the kiss is tender as always, but his hand on the back of your neck presses you into him even more. he finally pulls back, face set in determination.

“good, because after this you’re all mine,” he declares, no hint of a joke in his voice. your mouth drops, and you can’t help but be confused.

“what?”

jaemin is dead serious, but mark laughs. “he came to me with his love issues on the trip and imagine my surprise when we found out we were both seeing you?” mark chuckles as he tries to explain, recalling how it all went down.

“he was mad as fuuuck, i've never seen the guy so heated,” mark teases, and jaemin shoots him a glare. “but he chilled out when i asked if you guys were exclusive or anything.” a heavy sigh sounds beside you at that last part.

“and that’s where i went wrong in all of this..” jaemin grimaces, and looking at his upset expression, you’re still confused as to what exactly is going on.

is it all actually working out, just in a way you hadn’t expected? you need answers.

“jaem, weren’t you all about no relationships? it was all casual, right?” you question, and he interlaces his fingers with yours, eyebrows furrowed and a tiny pout on his lips.

“i’m sorry, baby. i should’ve said something sooner. i thought i was starting to get it across with my actions, but i should’ve been clear.. i do have feelings for you.” he brings your hand to his lips, kissing the back of it softly.

“after this, i’m gonna make you mine. i’ll let mark have you one more time, but after— no more games, i’m serious.” disbelief runs through you at his words, and you glance back at mark. he simply shrugs.

“i mean, my door’s open in case you wanna ditch this guy, still no strings attached. it’s all up to you.” you’re glad more than ever that things were only ever complicated with jaemin; mark’s always made it easy for you.

your heart soars as you now process that jaemin does feel the same way as you do. while you’re a bit upset at him for not telling you sooner, it all works out.

yeah, you’re in love with jaemin, but you also love the way mark fucks you. you couldn’t have discovered that if you were with jaemin earlier.

now that the confusion is gone, arousal and excitement hit you—everything you want is falling into your lap. you get to have the two of them together, and after all of this jaemin is your lover?

sure you told yourself you could give up mark, but the universe is giving you one last taste and you could not be more grateful. it’s been a while since you’ve been short of a dick appointment, squeezing your thighs together subconsciously from the past 3 weeks of deprivation.

“ohohhh, someone’s feeling it,” hands slide around your waist, mark turning fully to you. he pulls your back into his chest, and his hands start to ride your shirt up, mouth coming down to your ear and neck.

“gonna miss this pussy so bad, but hey, at least i get a goodbye present, right?” you can feel mark’s hot breath as he chuckles.

jaemin rolls his eyes, but comes to join you, squeezing in between your legs to meld his mouth with yours. he kisses you fiercely, with more passion than you ever think he has before, pushing you harder into mark’s chest.

mark’s hands slip under your shirt completely and push up your bra, bringing his fingers up to your tits, tracing lightly over your nipples in a way that has you shuddering in his hold. he pinches your nipples suddenly, making you yelp into jaemin’s mouth.

jaemin pulls back, frowning at the man behind you. “be gentle, dude.” mark raises an eyebrow at him.

“you know this one can take it, right?” mark snickers, grabbing the bottom of your shirt to pull it and your bra off of you.

he continues his actions on your chest pinching and rolling your nipples between his fingers. your yelps turn into moans at the way his hold tightens just a bit harder than usual.

jaemin just tsk’s at him, moving instead to kiss down your neck and chest, traveling down to lay open mouthed kisses on your exposed stomach. he backs up a bit, hooking his fingers through your waistband to drag your shorts and underwear off.

he tosses them to the side, settling back between your legs. his hands come down to your core, one hand spreading your lips as he runs his fingers through your folds.

his thumb finds your clit, rubbing circles into it, your legs starting to tremble ever so slightly at the stimulation. he keeps your legs spread, and you wiggle your hips into his wandering fingers. jaemin likes to take his time, and it always feels good, but you crave more.

jaemin moves down, suckling into your thighs as he pushes them up to gain access to your waiting pussy. when his mouth finally meets your core, you moan out, feeling his tongue explore your folds, drawing figure 8’s into your clit with his slick muscle. your hips continue to squirm unconsciously, and mark lets out a quiet chuckle at the sight.

“y’know your angel’s gonna come running back to my door if that’s all you can do.” jaemin’s movements pause at the challenge, his fingers digging your thighs tighter. he makes eye contact with mark, but instead of getting mad like you think he will, he meets mark’s smirk with his own.

“why don’t you show me how it’s done, then?” his proposition stirs feelings in your stomach, and mark obliges immediately, the two men tugging you up to your feet to make your way to jaemin’s bedroom.

you’ve been in his room many times before, but the pure lust radiating off of your companions has everything feeling so new. both men strip themselves of their own clothes. “jaem, go sit on the bed,” mark instructs, and to your surpise, jaemin sits on his bed against his headboard with no rebuttal.

“suck his dick, pretty girl.” you take in this dominant side of mark, even more commanding and in control than when its just the two of you. and you like it. “you love him, don’t you? don’t you want your nana to feel good?”

jaemin’s cock stands tall and heavy in his hand, stroking up and down expectantly as he waits for you. mark’s right, you do want him to feel good, and as if in a trance, you follow mark’s words, settling between jaemin’s legs. you lean down taking his member into your into your hands, stroking at him lightly.

you let out a drop of spit onto jaemin’s tip, and he swears its the hottest thing he’s ever seen. you take him into your mouth as far in as you can stroking what you can’t fit in your mouth with your hands. mark watches with a darkening glare.

“you can do better than that and you know it,” mark’s voice resonates behind you, and without a second to spare a rough hand pushes you down further on jaemin’s cock. you gag as it hits the back of your throat. “take him like the champ you are, baby.”

“f-fuck!” jaemin reacts with a choked groan, too turned on by the way your throat constricts around his head, the way you just take him. mark grabs one of jaemin’s hands, placing it on top of your head, encouraging him to guide you as your head bobs up and down.

“you take this, and i’ll show you how this cunt likes to be eaten.” jaemin swallows, only being able to nod as you continue your work on him with his hands now guiding you. satisfied at his lessons, mark moves back, moving your hips up to expose your glistening core. he licks his lips, making eye contact with jaemin one last time before diving into your folds.

you cry out, mouth separating from jaemin as mark eats you out like a mad man, mouthing at your pussy, tongue dipping into your entrance as he rubs at your clit harshly. even if jaemin can’t see exactly what’s happening from his side, the effect is apparent, your head falling to his lap as your legs tremble from the pleasure.

to see you so fucked out on another man’s tongue awakens something in him.

he feels a rush in his head, heat rising to the back of his neck. his hands go back to your head, grip firm, guiding you back to his member.

you look up at him with teary eyes as you open your mouth back up, tongue ghosting over his head as you try to stay focused with mark eating you out like he’s starved.

jaemin pushes your mouth back down on his cock, and you take him inch by inch, a mix of gagging noises and moans leaving you as you try and breathe through your nose. his hips start to move in turn with his pushes, his member hitting your throat even harder.

mark lets out a delighted noise at that, separating his mouth for a second as he starts to finger at your entrance. “someone’s getting the hang of it,” he teases another finger, feeling each knuckle of his long digits slide in alongside the other. “just clenched around my tongue like fucking crazy. told ya.”

jaemin just nods, not wanting to acknowledge how mark knows a side of your body and tastes that he doesn’t. his eyes stay trained on you—even if he doesn’t know, he’ll just have to learn.

you, on the other hand, are just basking in the stimulation, feeling your stomach tighten as mark’s tongue returns to your hole, his fingers rubbing harsher into your clit at this point.

the feeling of mark’s mouth on you, and jaemin in your mouth is far too much for you, but you love it. mark’s fingers stop rubbing your clit, instead slapping in time with his mouth.

the sting has you cumming hard, sputtering over jaemin’s cock as he still holds your head in his hands. mark’s tongue doesn’t leave you, continuing to eat you with fervor, your trembling legs starting to go numb from the pleasure. you continue to let jaemin use your mouth, breathing as best you can.

it doesn’t take long for mark to bring you to your peak again, nerves flared and tears starting to fall from your eyes. jaemin swipes at your tears, shuddering at the sight.

“let go.”

his head snaps up to mark, confused and irritated at the interruption. “what?”

“i said, let go,” the man behind you repeats. “we're gonna fuck, and you’re gonna watch,” mark states bluntly.

jaemin purses his lips together, his hold on you slackening as his cock slips out of your mouth. you take in as much air as you can, heaving as you catch your breath from the back to back orgasms.

jaemin should be fuming at the way mark is bossing him around like some little bitch. should be irritated that he’s not even letting you finish him off. should be pissed that mark’s staking a claim like you’re his.

but he’s not angry, not one bit, his cock only swelling even more.

his breath catches, and he can’t even formulate a sentence in return, only nodding.

mark yanks your slumped form up by the hips, settling behind you to slap his neglected cock on your ass, dragging his head up and down your dripping slit.

jaemin just watches, swallowing the lump in his throat, baited breath as mark grins.

“this is how you do it.”

before he even finishes his sentence, he enters you in one fell swoop, bottoming out to the hilt. your head shoots up, crying out as he draws his hips back, pounding back deeply once, then again, building up speed as he grips your hips hard enough to leave reminders for days to come.

“sh-shit, your baby likes it rough, y’know?” he draws you up against him, your back meeting his chest as he continues his bruising pace, wrapping one hand around your abdomen.

“someone’s gotta fuck you how you like if i’m not around.” his other hand trails up and around your neck, pressing his fingers into the sides of it lightly. “right, pretty girl?”

your mind doesn’t even register that mark’s talking to you, going slightly lightheaded from his fingers around your throat and cock ravaging you. his fingers tighten slightly as his lips meet your ear. “right?” you pulse around him, tears running down your face and his hand.

he knows you’re not going to respond, eyes moving back up to his forgotten friend. only jaemin can’t meet his eyes, his pupils dilated and trained on the tears running down your face, your fucked out expression—the way mark just uses you.

in the time he’s known you, jaemin’s never wanted to make you sad, never wanted to treat you like you were less than. he always kept things lighthearted, nothing ever serious enough to bring you to tears.

but in this moment, he understands— you’re just as beautiful wrecked, and you want to be.

you take in air as mark releases your throat, only to shove his fingers into your dripping mouth. “take it, baby, take it for me,” the power in his thrusts hasn’t faltered in the slightest, hips pounding with the intent to make it hurt, cock rutting into your deepest parts. “and keep your eyes on your lover boy over there.”

your eyes come into focus on the man in front of you, taking in the sight of him. his teeth dig into his bottom lip, eyes darker than you’ve ever seen them before as he grips his cock, red and angry wrapped in his veiny hand. his gaze is locked on yours, and you just know the jaemin you’ll be getting after mark is done is gonna be one you’ve never met before.

mark feels you tightening around him, pulsing and squeezing, knowing that you’re getting closer and closer. he’s feeling it a bit more than usual with an audience, and he knows that he’s not going to last long either.

“y-yeah, fuck, cum for me like the little slut you are—” the second it leaves his mouth, you feel a rush all at once before everything snaps, falling apart on his cock and biting down on his fingers. “and keep those fucking—” his hips punctuate each word, “—eyes. on. him.”

he continues to fuck into you through it, chasing his own high through your walls gripping down on him. “gonna fill this pussy up, fill it ‘til its fucking full.”

his thrusts grow shallower until his hips finally stutter, ropes coating your walls. he opens his mouth just as he hits his peak, biting down on your shoulder with a groan that rips through his chest.

he’s never marked you nor cum inside before, but the combination of the warmth and pain shoots through you, sending chills that could set you off all over again.

mark’s hips finally still, and he releases his grip on you, allowing you to fall forward. he pulls out admiring the way his cum drips from your entrance. he lifts his head up to address his silent friend, cocking his head to the side. “think you can do it?”

“fuck you.”

filled with a burning in his chest he’s never quite felt before, jaemin shoots up, pushing mark aside and flipping you onto your back. his eyes rake over you as he moves between your legs, stopping at your spent, swollen pussy dripping with mark’s cum. for the first time since you entered his bed, he addresses you.

“messy fucking girl,” he mumbles lowly, but it still reaches your ears, and you clench around nothing, more of mark’s cum spilling out of you. he slaps his member on top of your slit, coating his head in your mixture of juices. you gasp as he slides right in all at once with no warning, just as mark did earlier.

remembering the sight he sat through painfully, he draws his hips out, hitting into you deeply, harder than mark started, wanting to remind you that he’s more than capable of giving you what you want, too.

“one dick wasn’t good enough for you?” with a tightening grip, he lifts your hips up, using his strength to move you back and forth to meet his harsh thrusts. “had to go fucking running to the next best guy like a fucking slut?” he feels the way you clench around him at that, testing the waters after seeing how mark’s words affected you.

“wanna act like one? i’ll treat you like one,” he growls, dropping your hips to the bed and pushing your legs up by the back of your knees. he lifts himself up over you to slam himself into you, and in this new position, he reaches further than he ever has, than mark ever has, than anyone ever has.

“open up, baby.” you comply immediately, and he lowers his head slightly, letting a fat wad of saliva land on your tongue. “swallow.”

you do just that, throat sore from both your never ending cries and activities of the night. every nerve in your body flares with overstimulation, but you love it. it’s everything you want and more, and all you can do is lie there and take it as jaemin pounds into you so hard you’re seeing stars.

“shit,” you hear from beside you, and you barely are able to turn your head, seeing mark furiously tugging at his own cock, rejuvenated at the sight before him. jaemin looks over at him, too, again filled with the burning sensation at mark’s presence. he grits his teeth, directing his attention back to you.

“you should’ve just asked, baby, then we could’ve avoided all of this..” he scolds, nails digging into your calves. “but no, had to, fuck—run off to one of my best friends,” he sneers, and his ridicule hits you right in the stomach.

“i d-didn’t know!”

he just shakes his head. “i know, but listen carefully, okay, baby?” the tender jaemin you’re used to peeks out, but in a second he’s gone, holding your gaze as he says each word with emphasis. he slows his thrusts down to a torturous pace, and you do your best to listen.

“i’m the one you love and i’m the one who loves you. mark can fuck you all he wants, but at the end of the day, you’re mine.” you cling onto every word that leaves his mouth, nodding desperately, heart lurching at his claim over you.

“yes, jaemin, yes, yes— i’m yours, i’m yours, jaemin,” you cry, genuinely meaning it. you are his, and you always have been, and now that you know he actually wants you to be, you can let it all go. his hips pick back up, pistoning into you, and a familiar feeling in your stomach starts to stir.

you pulse nonstop around him, feeling your vision going hazy, jaemin pressing himself as deeply as he can into you, hitting you over and over again in a spot that has you screaming. your cries get louder and higher, an intense pressure building up in your gut.

“w-wait, wait jaem—!” you plea, voice desperate. they fall on deaf ears, and the pressure explodes, forcing jaemin from your core, juices coating his pelvis and abdomen.

“fuck!” the sensation and sight is almost too much for jaemin to continue, hissing as he forces his way back into your walls, thrusting and rubbing your clit furiously to bring you both to your climax.

you’re sobbing and seeing white as you’re brought to and through it, and with a broken groan, he cums, fluids spilling into your already weeping hole.

he sits back, allowing your body to finally rest from its bent position, the two of you gasping for air. jaemin, still connected to you, leans down to kiss you roughly, your tired bodies melting back together, mouths eventually slowing, yet still moving over each other’s like magnets despite both of your lack of air.

you’re interrupted by the sound of a lighter flicking, and jaemin finally pulls out and separates from you to look back at his forgotten friend. “dude, what the fuck?”

mark has his underwear back on, sitting on a beanbag in the corner of jaemin’s room with one of his bongs in hand, lighter flicking at the bowl. mark proceeds to take a rip from the bong, taking in a heavy drag of smoke before blowing it out, the smell of weed creeping back into the room.

“want some?” he asks, clueless grin back on his face. jaemin thinks he can’t be serious, but after what you just experienced? a hit could fix everything.

“i do,” you mumble out, jaemin’s head snapping back to you. he looks at you with the same incredulous look, thinking there are other things at hand to be addressed. but he’s too tired to think, so he shrugs. why the fuck not?

jaemin slides an oversized shirt on you as mark returns to the bed. he passes you the bong, after which you pass it to jaemin, the 3 of you wordless as you recover from what was the best fucking of your life, and theirs, too, you assume. jaemin grabs some water from a mini fridge in his room, the 3 of you passing that around as well.

you don’t know how much time passes, but you all float higher with each round. it’s mark who breaks the silence, a role he’s seemed to claim over the course of this night.

“i know you guys are together together now, but… what was it?” he stops to remember, mischievous smile on his face. “oh yeah, ‘mark can fuck you all he wants, but at the end of the day, you’re mine,’ is what i recall you saying, mr. na.” he raises his eyebrows in expectation.

jaemin looks at him in almost disbelief at the proposition before recalling that he did say that. and if he’s being honest, he meant it at the time.

in the end, he liked seeing this all go down more than he’d like to acknowledge, and a part of him liked being seen as well.

“don’t act like i didn’t see that fucking look in your eyes while i was balls deep,” mark laughs, seemingly reading his friend’s mind. “i don’t needa be on your dates or some shit like that, but call me if you ever need a repeat of tonight.”

jaemin looks to you to gauge your opinion, and while shy, you explain your thoughts honestly. since you had the choice, why not?

“i do love only you, jaem,” you assure, glancing back at mark. “but tonight was a little too good to not have ever again.” he just shrugs, directing it back to jaemin with a nod of his head.

jaemin hates to admit it, but he agrees. there was something different in the air tonight, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in doing it again. but you’re all way too high and fucked out to talk about it now, and you look like you’re gonna pass out any second.

he pulls you up on your shaky legs, holding you as he guides you out towards his bathroom. “we’ll text you,” jaemin states bluntly.

you beam up at him, and he looks back at you with the tenderness you’ve always known from him, only now you know it’s only yours.

he leans down to kiss you once again, not separating as he pulls you into the bathroom.

mark cleans himself up and gathers his clothes, chuckling to himself as he replays the events of the night in his own mind.

he grins at the sound of skin on skin echoing over the shower spray, tapping his fingers on the bathroom door on his way out.

“i’ll be waiting!”

a/n: if you got this far, thank you so much for reading! i fear this is actually the smuttiest thing i've ever written (i'm usually a tender fluffy love making kinda writer) that markmin live did this to me LOL side note, i feel like usually mark and jaemin's positions would be switched (lover boy vs. playful instigator) but i'm kind of living for this switched dynamic.. also this is completely separate from my other markmin plug!au's :') shout out bae @wispyxjae as always for beta-ing this filth <3

proud of myself for actually getting this done yay for 2 releases in 1 month!!! <3

feedback and shares are always always always appreciated, thank you for the support always!

the music is blasting, you can feel the beat of the bass in your chest, and people all around you are moving to the music.

you look up at the one they all surround, and you see him.

you haven’t seen johnny in years. he hasn’t been here in years.

he looks good—hair falling behind his ears, headphones framing his face, tattoos adorning his exposed arms. some you recognize and some you don’t.

you shouldn’t be here, not when he walked away from you all those years ago to chase his dreams.

you don’t blame him—he really had something going with his budding dj career, and the sheer crowd at his hometown show today is living proof of that.

that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt back then, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt now.

when your friend sent you the post saying he was coming to town for a show, you couldn’t even see the account—you had him blocked. you’d heard he’d made it big, seen some clips, but you never let yourself indulge.

against your better judgement, you unblocked him, and indulge you did, taking in all the content you’d missed over the years—his travels, friends, highs, lows—everything he’d posted showing how he’d been doing in his time away from you.

and god, he looked happy—like he didn’t think of you nearly as much as you tried not to think about him.

you’re happy, in a way, but he’s always lingered in the back of your mind, hanging onto your subconscious like a vice.

so why the hell are you here?

maybe you were hoping that coming here tonight could help you let go—that maybe, just maybe, if you saw just how far of a distance you’d grown apart with your own eyes, you’d be able to close your chapter with him forever.

but as you watch him sway to the music, a soft smile on his face as he scans the crowd’s reactions to the magic he works on the turntable, you know you’ve made a mistake coming here.

you should’ve never unblocked him, never bought this ticket, never come over here. it’s stupid, but you can’t bring yourself to look away.

you linger by the exit, but stay for the rest of his set.

and as he thanks the crowd for a great night, you feel your entire body jolt as he looks straight in your direction.

there’s no way he could’ve seen you, not from this far, but the way his whole body freezes is too noticeable. quick, but noticeable. he resumes his grateful smile, waving goodbye to the roaring crowd as you turn to leave.

you rush out the door, cheers of “encore! encore!” drowning out behind you. the muffled music starts back up through the walls.

you let out a heavy sigh as you walk away with an even heavier heart. after tonight, you’ll go back to trying to forget him, though any progress you’d made was probably undone.

so much for closure.

a call of your name in a voice all too familiar stops you in your tracks.

you turn around slowly, scared of who you’re going to see. but you know exactly who it is. that same deep voice that called your name with so much love until it didn’t—how could you ever forget?

and when you finally look at him, it feels like everything’s stopped. you can’t even hear the music anymore, not over the sound of your own heart racing.

“johnny.”

he’s catching his breath. did he run over here? what about his encore? how did he see you from all the way over there?

you have so many questions, yet you can say nothing more than his name.

“come with me.”

he grabs your hand, leading you back to the side entrance you assume he came out from, and you let him. the second you feel his hand in yours again, any resistance you could’ve had dissipates.

when he doesn’t feel you fighting his hold, he interweaves his fingers with yours, and oh, how you missed this feeling. you could tell the feeling of his hands on yours with your eyes closed.

you can hear the music through the walls again, and he leads you to a random dressing room. you still don’t know what to say to him, even as he clicks the door shut.

you don’t get the chance to speak.

in a second, you’re up against the door, his lips on yours—it’s messy, hungry, greedy, as if he’s trying to eat you whole.

your first instinct is to push him away, to ask him why he’s doing this after all this time, but you don’t. you can’t, not when having his lips against yours feels so right. it’s the feeling you’ve been missing, only appearing in your memories and dreams.

he explores your mouth as if he knows it like the back of his hand—like he never forgot it.

so you kiss him back with just as much force, wrapping your arms around his neck, your fingers threading through his short locks, gripping them as if he’d disappear if you let him go.

he groans into your mouth at your reciprocation, pressing his body even tighter against yours. you shiver at how firm his body feels against yours. it was one thing to see him up there, but being caged between those arms you couldn’t keep your eyes of is another. he’s always been big, but he’s definitely bulked up since the last time you saw him.

one of his hands makes its way to your waist, down your hip, and back to your ass, giving a light squeeze. he trails it down, hooking it behind your knee as he raises your leg to wrap around him, slotting himself between your legs.

you can feel how hard he is, aching against the confine of his perfectly fitting jeans. he rocks against you slightly, your mouths still melded in a heated embrace, and you can’t help but moan into his mouth at the feeling.

it feels like there’s a fire in your stomach, but there’s also a giddy feeling—like butterflies fluttering around.

you can still get a reaction out of him. he still wants you, even if you can only see it from the way his body reacts to you. for now, that’s okay.

you move your hips to meet his eagerly, and with your arms still gripped around his neck, his other hand falls to your other thigh, lifting you into his arms. your mouth separates from his in shock at the feeling of your being lifted into the air, clinging tighter to him so you won’t fall. you’re both breathless, but his mouth chases yours, settling right back into a deep kiss.

your ass lands on gently on the vanity table jutting out from the wall, and as johnny parts from you, a trail of saliva separating your lips, you finally get a good look at him. the lights on the mirror behind you illuminate him.

he’s grown so much. you can see the way his face has lost the roundness it had in your younger years and the slight bags under his eyes, yet he’s still the same johnny you loved.

he seems to be taking you in, too, his eyes moving between your eyes, and back down to your lips. his hands bunch up the sides of your shirt, letting his hands run over the bare skin of your waist. you shudder as his fingers dip into the waistband of your pants, not quite reaching as far in as you’d like them to.

he tugs your shirt over your head, unclasping your bra from behind you with practice, and as he removes your bra, he breathes out in awe.

“fuck, you’re just as beautiful as i remember.”

you don’t get to reply before he drags you off the table, flipping you around in a flash. your hands move to steady yourself against the table, bent over slightly with johnny pressed up against you.

you look up and see the two of you in the mirror, and immediately you’re clenching at the thought of what you’ll see him doing to you. he runs his hands up your chest, loving the way your tits look in his hands, his fingers brushing your nipples carefully.

he watches the way your expression twists with every pinch and flick of his fingers, his mouth coming down on your neck. his warm breath fans along your skin before he’s leaving deepening kisses along your neck and shoulders, every so often nipping harder in a way that you know will leave marks.

you want him to leave marks, you want reminders of him to come.

you press your backside against him, whining out pathetically. “johnny, please.”

he obliges you right away, knowing exactly what you want. he’s always known exactly what you want. he wastes no time tugging your pants and soaked underwear down, and you gasp at the feeling of his fingers sliding between your folds, coating his fingers in your juices.

“i’ve got you, baby,” he mutters, mouth falling back on your shoulder, and your head dips at the feeling. he runs his fingers up and down your slit, dancing around your entrance, before carefully teasing a finger into you. you gasp at the feeling of his long digit easing into you, feeling each knuckle until its to the hilt.

he feels you clench around him, and after he slides his finger right back out to the tip, he dips back in with another finger in tow. mewls of pleasure leave your lips as he scissors his digits in you, stretching you just right, picking you apart like he always did.

with the way his other hand snakes around your front to toy around with your clit, you know he wants you to fall apart. you want him closer, to fill you up to the brim, but you know he won’t do it unless you cum first. he’d always made you cum first.

you move your hips in times with his hands, knowing this has to go exactly as he wants it to, and you’re okay with that. you’re more than okay with that—trusting your body into his hands.

he thrusts his fingers in and out of you in time with his swipes over your clit, and you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening as the seconds pass.

you finally gain the strength to tilt your head up just enough to see your reflection, and when you make eye contact with johnny through the mirror, his gaze dark and fixed on you, you’re finished.

“go ahead, baby,” he instructs, and you fall apart in his hands, mouth parted in an oh as the knot unravels, legs closing around his hands as he works you through your orgasm. you can barely keep your eyes open with the way he still plunges his fingers in and out of you, fighting through the grip your clenching pussy and closed legs have on his hands.

he finally pulls his fingers out of you and you collapse against the table, supported by one of his arms wrapping around your middle to keep your legs from completely giving out.

he brings his free hand, the one he pulled out from your cunt, to his mouth, and you cry out as his tongue darts out, lapping up your juices from his fingers, his eyes still trained on yours. it lights another fire in you.

with some newfound strength, you reach behind you, palming at the painfully hard tent in his jeans, trying to blindly fumble with the buttons of his pants. you don’t care how desperate you look, you need him inside of you, now.

a smirk lights his face as he watches you fumble with his pants, his own hand moving down to take care of it for you, unbuttoning his pants with ease and pulling them down just enough to untuck his raging member from his underwear. “you want me that bad?”

you want him so badly, more than anything right now, and you let him know that.

“yes, yes—johnny, please fuck me.” you press your dripping mound against him, gasping as you feel the heat slot between your lips, grinding up and down. “johnny.. i need you.”

that seems to do it for him, and he wraps his hand around his cock, pressing his tip into your waiting hole. you hiss at the stretch as he slowly eases in, not quite used to taking anyone as big as he is in such a long time.

“so fuckin’ tight—fuck, so tight for me.”

you lean back into him, feeling every ridge of him as he inches in bit by bit and as he bottoms out, you feel like you could cry. he fills you up so perfectly.

he lets you settle for a bit, swiveling his hips to get you readjusted to him, little gasps and cries leaving you with each movement.

“god, baby—you feel so good around me.” your eyes, which closed tightly sometime during his bottoming out, open back up to meet his, and his gaze narrows into a glare that sends shivers down your spine. “have you had anyone else here? let anyone else in what belongs to me?”

you clench around him at his possessive streak. he was always a laid back lover, never one to get unreasonably jealous, but he knew how to remind you who you came home to.

you’d had a few flings in the past few years, even had one relationship that lasted a few months, but no one ever compared to johnny—you don’t think anyone ever could.

he pulls out, thrusting back in at once, your body jolting against the table. “answer me, love.”

love. his voice is still harsh, but he reminds you of a time where the soft nickname was synonymous with your name in your world with johnny. your voice trembles, but you’re honest. you could never lie to him.

“y-yes.”

he thrusts again, harder, his hands moving to grip at your waist, fingers digging into the plush flesh.

“fuck,” is all he says before he drives into you harsher, angrier, setting a steady pace that has you seeing stars, his front slapping against your ass with every thrust. “fuck,” he repeats, more agitated.

his pace picks up, slapping sounds and moans filling the room, his grip surely leaving bruises that will reveal themselves in the morning. you can barely form any thoughts, but an ugly feeling rears itself in your stomach.

“what about you?” you ask, quietly—scared of the likely possibility that he’d had other people in this position, that he’d shared himself with them. held them just like he held you.

his focus momentarily falters, but he returns his attention to you, still moving his hips against yours as he responds breathily.

“no. never.” his whole demeanor softens just slightly, but you think you still know him enough to recognize even the slightest shift. you watch as his face falls into a pained grimace through the mirror. “even if i thought about trying to, all i could think about was you.”

his words send a wave of both relief and confusion through all the pleasure. you remember the shell of a person you were after he left you, waiting for him by the window dreaming he’d come back, calling his phone only for it to ring and ring until you reached his voicemail.

“i’m yours, love,” he grunts.

how can he come back after all this time and tell you everything you’d needed to hear since the day he left?

you convinced yourself he didn’t love you, and part of you wishes he would just treat you like someone that he never loved—it wouldn’t have your heart clawing its way out of your chest as he fucks into you desperately.

but as if trying to rewrite every bit of uncertainty you experienced, this johnny is making it so, so clear.

“and you’re mine,” he growls, though underneath his strong facade is the hope that what he’s saying is true. “no one could make you feel as good as i do—no one can fuck you like this, fill you up like this.”

your eyes rake up and down your forms in the mirror. his hands around your hips, his lips on your shoulder, marks blossoming over your skin.

“say it—say you’re mine,” he almost pleas, his face still pained. as your eyes drag back and forth between the two of you, you know. you love the way you look in his arms, how he makes you fall apart like no one else ever has.

so you admit it.

“y-yeah—oh-,” you stutter with an angling of his hips. “i’m yours, i’m yours.” you cry out as he snaps against you even more intensely at your confirmation, like it’s broken the last bit of restraint he had.

that’s all the two of you need, your eyes not leaving his as he snakes a hand around your front between your thighs, rubbing quick, harsh circles into your clit, hissing as you clench around him at the sensation.

your eyes flutter, and your head threatens to fall, but you use your strength to keep your eyes on johnny through the mirror—on both of you. you want to burn this sight into your memory so that you’d never forget it again.

he bites his lip, deep, gravelly groans leaving his throat as he chases both of your highs, but as his lips part, words spill out before he can catch them.

“i love you, i love you, i love you.” his voice is still deep and rough, but filled with pure desperation, and it’s this confession that has you tumbling over the edge with a loud cry, your legs trembling under the force of his thrusts pushing you into overstimulation.

he follows soon after, pulling out at the last second and releasing over your ass and lower back, the warm spurts painting your skin.

you lean your head against the cool glass of the mirror as you both catch your breath. he slowly but carefully uses his shirt to clean his cum off of your back, tucks himself back into his pants with a sharp intake, and spins you around gently, holding you against him.

you let him hold you, not that you think you even have it in you to deny him. you don’t know if it’ll be the last time, but you don’t want it to be.

you break the silence.

“why did you leave?” you mutter against his chest. you breathe in his scent, taking in the combination of cologne, sweat, and a faint hint of cigarettes.

he pulls apart from you, holding your face in his hands before laying a sweet, deep kiss on your lips.

“because i’m stupid,” he admits with a sad smile. “i thought about coming back, but it also felt unfair to both you and me.”

a brief silence passes. you want him to expand on that, but you have an even more urgent question at hand.

“did you mean what you said earlier?” you ask. it hurts to doubt what you’ve wanted for so long, but you’re so scared it was in the heat of the moment. it’s the last confirmation you need before trusting yourself to him again.

“i told myself if i didn’t see you tonight, i’d let go of you forever. i—” he pauses, taking a deep breath, and you feel the way he tenses. “i only put on this show hoping you’d come.”

he holds you to him again, his embrace feeling just a bit fearful, yet still so certain. he lets his head drop onto your neck, breathing you in, rememorizing the feeling of you in his arms.

“i love you, and now that i have you back, i won’t let go of you again.”

you close your eyes, leaning your head against his. it feels as if you’ve just placed the last piece of a puzzle you left long unfinished, and it’s time to start a new one that you’ll figure out in time. together.

you love him, too—you never stopped.

end.

a/n: first song fic? is anyone else in emotional mental physical anguish whenever dj johnny comes up on the tl…. he’s crazy.. but anyways here’s something short and bittersweet, once again trying to get back into the groove of writing! feeling a bit freer now not including weed in everything tho i do miss writing stoner!nct (hopefully will be back soon)

i love this song and i love dj johnny be w my whole heart

feedback and shares always appreciated!

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“wait, that’s so good, what is this?” you take another drag of the joint your friend rolled to see if it would hit as smoothly as the first, and you’re pleased when the smoke goes down just right.

you look over to the man on the other side of the couch, frowning when you realize he isn’t paying attention. “jun?”

renjun looks up from his phone, eyes a little glossed over from his smoke session before you arrived. “what happened?”

you hand him the lit joint. “what did you put in that thing? it’s so good.”

he takes a long drag before grabbing a bag off of his coffee table and tossing it to you. “i know it’s good, i have good taste.”

you roll your eyes at this, studying the bag that landed on your lap. it’s from a brand unfamiliar to you, and you can’t seem to find where it lists the strain name.

“where did you get this? never seen this brand before,” you ask.

renjun hands the joint back to you. “this guy from our college started selling recently. we’ve got some mutual friends, so they recommended him. perfect timing, too.” all the good plugs in your area, including your regular, started moving to bigger cities to try and reach more clients, so you welcome the thought of a new go-to.

“do i know them?” you ask, knowing you share a lot of mutual friends.

“i’m not sure, but his name is mark.”

mark?

your heart drops at the familar name. there are so many of those in the world, but only one you know of from college.

“mark, like mark lee?” renjun raises an eyebrow at your reaction.

“yeah, i think so. do you know him?”

what renjun doesn’t know is your history with mark actually extends much further. “kind of.”

yeah, you know him. you knew him.

it all started your second year of high school, when your teacher assigned him as your seatmate. he was always kind, asking how your day was and lending you pens or textbooks when you forgot yours. it was always casual, but you remember the day things clicked for the two of you so vividly.

you were walking into class early, still a while before the teacher came in, your classmates’ animated chatter around you muffled by the music in your wired earphones. you put your stuff down, still trying to shake the last bit of sleepiness, when a figure came up to greet you.

“oh, shit!” their sudden appearance made you drop your phone, earphones yanked from your ears and phone, leaving the music to play out loud. the source of your surprise crouched down to pick up your phone, hitting pause on the music and standing up to reveal your seatmate.

“hey, i’m so sorry about that, didn’t mean to scare you,” mark sheepishly handed you your phone, subtly glancing around you to see if any of your classmates were startled. none of them seemed to care, thankfully.

you waved your hands at his embarrassment. “it’s okay, mark, i was so out of it.” he nodded and turned his attention back to your phone.

“wait, you like that song though?” his embarrassment turned into excitement as you nodded your head, having had it on repeat since it came out.

“yeah, do you?”

“dude.. i LOVE that song, do you listen to their other stuff too?” the little morning mishap had turned into an excited conversation about your shared music taste, continuing well into lunch after it was cut short by the teacher’s arrival.

bonding over shared music taste was just the beginning, and eventually you were attached at the hip, both of you finding it easy to fall into place next to each other. even when you two ended up in separate classes the following school year, your friendship only grew.

he made being his friend so easy, yet so difficult. you found your affections grew to be more than platonic, but how could you not? mark was good-looking with a boyish charm, kind to everyone, funny, and earnest, yet so incredibly humble.

you weren’t the only one who felt like this, though. mark was popular, and why wouldn’t he be? even if he was a little shy or awkward with people he didn’t know well, it just added to his charms. you had lost count of the amount of times he would be called by a random girl and come back with a guilty grimace at yet another instance of having to let someone down.

half of you admired them, wishing you had their same courage to tell mark your own feelings. but, as messed up as it was, the other half of you internally celebrated whenever mark came back with that somber expression, knowing you had the ability to change that.

whenever he was down, the two of you would go out for some gelato at the shop down the street from your school. you always said you’d treat him, but he would always pay, all sorrow wiped completely from his face. because of you. he always came back to you.

you were content being just his friend—his best friend. you continued being his best friend, graduating from high school and ending up at the same local college, still attached at the hip.

with a new setting came new people and new experiences, but there was always one constant, and that was mark lee. that first year was filled with him—planning your class schedules together, going to your respective clubs’ parties, dorm sleepovers; it felt like nothing could disturb the peace.

renjun hands you the joint and you take another hit, a comfortable silence between the two of you as you reminisce further, now starting to feel pangs in your heart.

one of those new experiences you had together came in the form of the drug you currently have in your hand, and it was also the last new experience you had together. the last of your firsts.

you and mark had never considered weed before, but going to college parties and its presence in some of your new friends’ lives had made you curious. you both agreed on wanting to try it together in a more controlled space, and one day you found yourself with him in your dorm, turning an unfamiliar device in your hand.

“is it super strong?” you asked mark nervously, as his senior at his club was the supplier.

“not sure, jae said pens don’t hit too crazy.” he took the pen from you, pressing the button on it experimentally. “he showed me how to do it, so i should probably go first..”

you nodded at this, observing him carefully as he brought it to his lips, pushing the button while sucking in. the pen lit up at the end, and you watched in fascination until you were interrupted by his harsh coughing, smoke flying out around him in a large cloud.

“oh my god, are you okay??” you rushed to get him some water, patting his back as he gulped it down and cleared his throat.

“y-yeah, i’m good.” you peered into his eyes to see them already slightly glossy, unsure if it was from all the coughing or if he was already feeling it. “i just took too much, i think. you try. but try just a little, okay? be careful..”

you took the pen from him nervously, bringing it to your own mouth as you emulated his earlier movements. his round eyes were trained on your every movement. you inhaled the smoke, and to your surprise, the weed didn’t taste anything like the strong scent coming from the back of the many parties you found yourselves at. it was pleasant and the tiniest bit sweet.

you blew the smoke out as mark watched you with his mouth hung open, in shock at how easily you handled it in comparison to his own attempt.

“dude, how did you do that?? you’re a natural!!” he exclaimed, somewhat feeling a sense of pride at his best friend’s weed affinity.

“i don’t know, i kind of just did it? maybe beginner’s luck,” you shrugged. filled with resolve, mark was determined to do it just as smoothly. after many attempts, the two of you laid on your dorm bed, staring at the ceiling as you felt yourselves sinking into your mattress, which felt softer than ever.

“you know what would hit right now?” mark asked, voice a little bit deeper and drawled out. you turned to look at him, only then realizing how close you were.

he looked back at you with a dopey smile. you somehow knew exactly what he was thinking. “gelato,” the two of you said in unison, laughter immediately bursting at the sync.

“the shop is closed.. but markie, what was in that pen?? that was soo much better than i thought weed would be.” if all weed was like that, maybe you’d be down for this stoner life.

mark made an unintelligible excited noise as he sprung up with a bright smile. “WAIT, i knew you would like this. when jaehyun showed me all the carts, i knew i had to get this one. guess what it’s called!”

you locked eyes just as you did before, thinking there was no way it was what you were thinking. mark’s anticipatory look told you it was.

“gelato.”

you gasped, throwing your hands over your mouth as mark nodded his head excitedly. “no fucking way.”

“no, seriously. isn’t that crazy??” again the two of you burst into laughter, your stomach hurting from how much funnier everything seemed to be. as the laughter died down, mark turned to you. “but really, you did so good today.”

you sat up on your bed at his tender voice, feeling slightly dizzy at the unfamiliar feeling of a high, finally getting a good look at mark in this state. he looked as good as ever, a now starting to blossom as he moved beyond the boyish charm.

“you really got it because you thought i’d like it?” you asked, feeling your heart swell a bit. you were so grateful to have a friend like him, to have him in your life.

“of course,” he answered, voice a bit too tender for your heart to take.

the words left your mouth faster than you could catch them. “that’s why i love you.” you slapped your hands over your mouth as you realized you just said.

“i love you, too..?” mark replied, trailing off at the end at your reaction. it was normal to exchange those kinds of words between best friends, but you meant it in a different way even if he didn’t know it. you couldn’t recover from your slip up, the weed hindering your ability to front in any way, mind going blank.

your hands were buried in your face as mark looked at you worriedly. he pried your hands from your face as you tried to hide your teary eyes. “wait, is everything okay?”

you just shook your head yes and turned from him, wanting to get away and act as if nothing happened. his grip was still tight around your wrists, and he was craning his neck to get a good look at you, only now seeing the unshed tears in your eyes.

“no, you aren’t okay, the weed might be too much from you,” mark said as he slowly got up to get his phone, probably to look up what to do when having a bad trip. as if possessed, you pulled him back, not wanting him to leave you.

“wait!” you grabbed him, and he stumbled back into, or onto you. you found yourself in a position doing nothing good for your heart, with mark hovering above you as you leaned on your pillows.

even after years of friendship, he would still sometimes get flustered with things like this, but to your surprise, he stayed still, deep, glossed over eyes locked on yours.

you couldn’t look away—you didn’t want to. you could get lost in those eyes, and you were. you were feeling all types of things you hadn’t felt before. you never allowed yourself to act on your crush, and the substance coursing through your veins was breaking down each mental barrier as the seconds passed.

you were close enough to kiss him—you wanted to. everything seemed to move in slow motion as his face got closer and closer, dark eyes now closing. you didn’t know if you were the one moving or if it was all a figment of your imagination, but the warmth on your lips told you it was all real.

mark’s lips brushed yours, a little unsure at first, but as you melted into him, his lips molded against yours in a way that had your body tingling all over. it felt so right. your heart was beating faster than it ever has, excitement now clouding your mind. does he feel the same way?

the kiss only turned into a full on make out session, the two of you going at it for who knows how long. breathless, you pulled away from him with a dreamy look in your eyes.

only he did not share the same look.

catching his breath and backing away slowly, his eyes were open wide as if he had just seen a ghost. “mark? are you o-”

“i’m so, SO sorry, dude. i-i don’t know why i did that.” he got off the bed completely, grabbing his jacket from your desk. your heart sank as you tried to force any words out.

“i have to go, but, um. i’ll text you. sorry..” was all he said before dashing out the door.

the silence was deafening as you sat there on your bed, all alone, heart heavy as you began to spiral.

it all felt so right for you, but did he not feel the same? you just didn’t know how to feel, your head starting to spin and your body feeling like it wasn’t yours. still so high, but now alone. the tears left your eyes in waves, and your sadness and shock eventually morphed into anger. how could he just leave you in this state?

his pen sat forgotten on your bed. you wanted to throw it straight into the trash, but you couldn’t, instead chucking it into some random drawer to try and give it back to him later.

you could say with confidence that this night was the worst of your life, ending in you crying yourself to sleep, but the aftermath was even worse. you never got to give it back; he never gave you the chance.

mark ignored your texts, avoided you in every space—he couldn’t even make eye contact with you. it hurt, and it felt like you had to start from scratch going into your second year of college.

he was your foundation, and without him it felt like your walls had crumbled. you didn’t have mark to rely on anymore, and everything around you for so long reminded you of that.

that is, until you met renjun.

you had met him in a random art class you decided to take, wanting to make sure you were in the part of campus furthest from where you knew mark would be. the two of you hit it off right away, and he introduced you to some of his friends who would end up being your closest college friends.

one by one, you started to overwrite your memories with mark. you had sworn off weed after that night as well, but you had given in after renjun expressed interest in trying it, but not alone.

you were not going to leave your friend alone in this experience, unlike somebody, and you were glad as it ended up in you and renjun becoming pretty avid stoners.

the memories of mark still stung, but you had enough fun to last a lifetime in college. after you graduated you and renjun stuck in your town, while your other friends moved away, but the love still remained. you were grateful that the universe gave you these friends, even if it had to take one from you first.

the joint has reached its end, and renjun is passed out on the couch, snoring lightly.

you’re fine, everything’s okay. the funny feeling in your chest lingers at the sound of his name, but everything’s okay.

you inspect the bag of weed one more time, finally finding the strain’s name in tiny font on the bottom of the package.

gelato.

you and renjun head to work the following day, rubbing sleep from your eyes. last night’s reminiscing affected you, whether or not you wanted it to.

you’re in between jobs right now, just wanting to take a break to figure out what you want to do. luckily for you, renjun’s cousin, kun, opened a branch of his restaurant down the block from you just a few months ago.

renjun was basically given the role of general manager and was more than happy to give you a job. despite only working there for a few months, you enjoyed it. the restaurant gave a homey feel with regular patrons who never caused any problems. the place was only really busy during peak lunch and dinner hours, but the pay is still fair enough.

the bell at the entrance rings, signaling the entrance of a customer, and you get up from your spot at one of the booths to greet them.

you stop in your tracks when you see who it is.

you must have manifested him too hard during your trip down memory lane, because in front of you stands the one who broke your heart all those years ago. mark lee.

how is it that you haven’t seen him in years, but he shows up this conveniently the second you start thinking about him?

he looks different—more mature. his dark hair is a little longer than how you know he used to prefer, strong features a little bit more rugged than you remember, yet still with a hint of that boyish charm he’d always had. did he grow a little taller?

you realize you’re staring, but he’s staring, too, seemingly just as shocked to be seeing you. you debate turning around and calling renjun to assist him, but you chide yourself at those thoughts.

you aren’t that brokenhearted 18-year old anymore. you are healed, and you are an adult with a job you need to do.

and renjun is on his lunch break, so you have no choice.

“hi, welcome! what can i get you?” you ask, putting on your best customer service voice.

“uh.. pick up order under the name donghyuck?” he says, a little bit of uncertainty laced in his response, maybe at you seemingly having no reaction to him or not remembering him.

donghyuck? you know donghyuck, a regular and friend of renjun who often orders take out. mark lee is definitely not donghyuck. the connection makes you curious, but not curious enough to ask.

“okay, give me one second to check.” you go to the back, hoping the chefs are done putting together the order, wanting this to be over as soon as possible. unfortunately, the chefs were also distracted, engaging in a heated conversation over who knows what during this slow period.

you come back out, giving mark an apologetic smile. “sorry, it’ll be a few minutes. do you mind waiting? you can sit at any of the booths.” he nods, and you turn fully intending to hide in the back until his food is done.

you are stopped by him clearing his throat, still in the same spot he was, and he opens his mouth to speak.

“__?” he mutters lowly, and oh, how your heart betrays you at the sound of your name in his voice. you turn back to him, not knowing what your expression is right now.

“yeah?”

“do you remember me?” how could you ever forget?

“yeah, i do,” is all you can say.

“oh, uh. cool.” the end of that comes out a little rasped and he clears his throat again. “how have you been?” you want so badly for this to be over, wishing that he would’ve just pretended to not know you, but you are polite if anything.

“i’m good, just working here, nothing crazy,” you respond. “and you?”

“good,” he responds, and you want to roll your eyes so badly. he started this awkward conversation and is giving you nothing.

“great! well, i’m gonna check on your food,” you scurry away, grateful for any excuse to be away from him. you scroll on your phone in the back for a few minutes and thank the universe that the chefs are just finishing packing up the food.

when you come back with the food, beckoning him over, mark comes up to you at the cash register, fishing his card out of his wallet as you enter the items into the system.

“do you smoke?” he asks abruptly, and when you make eye contact, he can’t seem to hide that even he’s a little shocked at his own question. you look at him inquisitively, hands paused at the sudden question.

“yeah, i do. why?” you ask. no thanks to you.

“well, i kinda started selling recently. trying to get my foot in the door in this area.” he hands you his credit card as he talks, explaining how selling is a side to his other job.

“oh, cool! good luck with that,” you respond as politely as possible, trying to be prompt. you hand him his card back and receipt to sign, not wanting anything to do with him or this new adventure of his.

he turns the receipt over and scribbles something on it before giving it back to you.

“not sure if you still have my number, i haven’t changed it, but just in case here it is.” you stare at the familiar handwriting. you couldn’t get yourself to delete his number as much as you wanted to, but he doesn’t have to know that.

“i’ll give you a discount, for old time’s sake? just text if you need anything, i deliver.” you nod, thanking him still in the polite tone you’ve maintained this entire time.

“it was nice seeing you, __.”

“you too, mark.”

he picks up his food as he says his goodbyes, turning to walk out the door. once he’s gone, you sit down for a bit, having to process the sudden reunion.

realistically, you should feel angry at the fact that he acted like nothing was wrong, like you were just some acquaintances seeing each other in passing. for old time’s sake? yeah, right.

yet another part of you feels those same butterflies you felt all those years ago, fluttering around in your stomach with hope at the chance to see him again. happy at the fact that he’s talking and looking at you again.

you push those feelings to the back of your mind. you will not be going to mark lee for anything.

renjun finally comes back from his lunch, asking if he missed anything crazy. you shake your head no, and the day passes as you unsuccessfully try to wipe the the town’s new plug from your brain.

the following weekend, you’re smoking again with renjun, milking as much out of his bag of gelato as you possibly can. unfortunately for you, his bag is running really low, and he also really likes it.

“no! just order your own?” he snatches the bag from your hand. “i’ll give you his number, just do it.”

“junnieee, can’t you just order it for me? you get a discount don’t you?” you assume mark is giving discounts while he’s trying to start up his plug career, but renjun looks at you confused.

“discount? what are you talking about? mark’s prices are good, but i didn’t hear about a discount..” he says, eyes narrowing at you suspiciously.

oh shit. you messed up. letting out a sigh, you give in and tell him about the encounter with mark at the restaurant, leaving out all the awkward details and your history together. renjun holds you by the arms, shaking you slightly.

“if he’s offering you the discount, you should order! i can’t believe you’re willingly trying to pay more money,” he scolds.

you shake him off, but you can’t deny that renjun has a point. you did need a plug and a discount would be very easy on your wallet, but again, you didn’t want to go to mark for anything.

“if i order, can you pick it up?” you ask, hoping at least that you wouldn’t have to see mark.

“what am i?? your bitch boy?” renjun asks jokingly, but he looks at you a bit worriedly. “is everything okay? why are you being so weird about this?”

“i’m not!” you object almost too quickly, making renjun even more suspicious. not wanting to explain any further, you decide to just suck it up.

“nevermind, it’s fine. i’ll order it myself,” you say, but you don’t think you actually will.

“order me a couple, too, since you’ve got that discount.”

ugh. you agreed just to get him off your back, but with his order, you’re locked in.

“text him right now or you’ll forget. i know you,” he insists. you’re extra locked in now. you pull out your phone, debating on what to say as renjun rolls another joint for you.

hey, it was nice se- deleted.

hello mark, it’s- deleted.

it’s just a simple text, how hard could it be? you snap a picture of the bag in your hands and send it.

8:02pm you: picture attachment

8:02pm you: hey mark, it’s __. can i order a half of gelato? this brand ^^

you keep it simple, and as soon as you send your text you fling your phone to the other side of the couch, where renjun is. it feels so odd to be texting mark, and part of you feels nervous for his response.

“what the hell?” he says as he eyes your phone. not even a few seconds pass when your phone buzzes, and renjun looks at the lit screen with a smile. “damn, what a good plug, he responded quickly,” renjun remarks, picking up the phone and tossing it back to you.

your phone lands on your lap, and the notification is bright and clear.

8:03pm mark lee: hey __, yeah of course! i can bring it in an hour? what’s your address?

you stare in shock at how eager he is. you were going to suggest later that week for a drop-off time, but it seems like he’s willing and able to come as soon as possible.

“what are you waiting for? just give him my address, he can drop it off here,” renjun instructs. he shakes the contents of the bag, a single nugget falling into his hand. “yeah, you need to tell him right now before my high wears off.”

you sigh, unlocking your phone and opening your messages. at least you won’t be facing him alone if he comes to renjun’s. you type out your response.

8:10pm you: yeah, that works. thank you

8:10pm you: xxxxx xxxx xxxx

8:11pm you: ^^you can drop it off here

8:11pm mark lee: okay, sounds good, see you soon!

8:11pm mark lee: it’s really cold tonight, bring a sweater

8:12pm you: thanks, will do.

you place your phone down, sighing at the thought of seeing him. it’s the first time you’ve texted him in how many years? you were trying to keep it short and to the point, but he was being so nice. so like the mark you knew.

“he’ll be here in an hour,” you tell renjun.

“scoree, let’s finish this last bit then,” he cheers, picking the buds apart and grinding them up. in no time, the two of you are smoked out, just waiting for the time to pass as you try not to think too hard about mark.

what will he say? will he try to talk some more or just drop the weed off and go? will he mention anything about what happened all those years ago?

your thoughts are cut off by a ringing from your phone signaling an incoming call. a goofy picture of mark you thought you deleted from his contact pops up on your phone, and your heart squeezes looking at it. you’ll have to remember to take it off later. you pick up the phone.

“hey, i’m here,” his voice sounds through the speakers. it’s so familiar, yet so different, and it really feels like some high fever dream that mark is calling you and telling you he’s outside, as if nothing ever happened. you’re sure you’ve had actual dreams like this.

“got it, be out in a sec,” you reply and hang up, looking over at renjun. you sigh when you see his eyes closed, familiar snoring leaving his form. “jun, get up, mark’s here,” you say, shaking him awake.

he groans and swats you away. “sleepy. just go get it.”

too tired to argue further and just wanting to get it over with, you grab your wallet and renjun’s keys and pull on your shoes to head outside. as soon as you head out the building doors, you curse as the frigid air meets your skin. you had forgotten to grab a jacket despite mark’s warnings.

that’s the first thing mark seems to notice as he stands outside his car, a big black suv you don’t quite think matches him. but again, you don’t even know the him in front of you. before you can pad down the steps, he jogs lightly over to you, two bags in his hands.

“dude, i told you to bring a jacket, it’s cold as fuck,” he scolds. before you can retort, he moves too fast for your high mind to process, and in a flash he’s pulling off his own jacket to place around your shoulders.

it’s warm, and a familiar smell wafts around you as you stare at him, dazed. you feel as if your mind is short circuiting, defaulting to the settings it had for so long been accustomed to in mark’s presence—undoing so many years of trying to wipe his being from yours.

he steps back a bit from you as he picks up the bags he placed down. “here’s your order,” he says, handing you one bag. “and, uh, i know it’s cold out, but i thought you might like this..” he trails off his sentence, handing you the other bag in his hand.

when you look into it, you feel like you could cry.

in the bag sits a tub of gelato—your favorite flavor to be exact. you’re at a loss for words as you stare down at it. the old shop you used to frequent with the man in front of you had coincidentally closed the year you ended your friendship, taking along the memories with it.

“where did you- how did you get this?” you ask, almost not believing your eyes if not for the cold of the container that permeates your hand as you inspect it.

“they opened up a new shop on the other side of town. is that still your favorite?” you nod, feeling your appetite grow at the thought of the delicious treat.

you look up to thank him, only to see him gazing at you with the same warm eyes you had fallen for all those years ago. eyes a bit too warm for someone who had abandoned you.

the realization snaps you out of your daze, mind finally clearing. what were you doing? you’re letting yourself fall back into place with him when he was the one who pushed you away to begin with. he’d know if it was still your favorite if he stayed, but he didn’t.

you hold the bag with the frozen treat out to him.

“thank you, mark, but i’d appreciate just taking the weed.” he looks at you, then back down at the bag as he takes it back from you gently. he never was good at hiding his emotions, and it seems that hasn’t changed as you see hurt and confusion written clearly on his face.

“oh, sorry.. um..” he mumbles, contemplating what to say next.

“how much do i owe you?” you ask curtly, just wanting to get the hell back inside and smoke until you knock out for the night.

“look, __, can we ta-”

“how. much. mark,” you cut him off, feeling your resolve crumble by the second as he stands in front of you. you’re sick of this “pretending everything is okay” thing he’s doing.

“please.. even just for a few minutes,” he pleads, and the earnest look in his eyes is unchanging. “can i please talk to you?”

“i do-”

“__? is everything okay?” a soft, yet firm voice cuts in.

renjun’s head peeks out of the building doors, and you celebrate internally as your savior comes to join the two of you. you don’t notice the way mark tenses up behind you, gripping the bag in his hand tightly as he gnaws the inside of his lip.

“yeah, jun. it’s all good, just paying now,” you assure. renjun says his greetings to mark, which he returns.

“i woke up and you were gone for a while, so i had to come check,” renjun says, holding his arms around himself as he shivers from the cold. it reminds you of the jacket sitting around your shoulders— one that does not belong to you.

you shrug off the jacket, handing it back to mark. “how much do i owe you?” you ask one last time. mark is pensive, tucking the jacket into his arm.

“…you can have it for free,” he says, awkward smile painted on his face, eyes flitting between you and renjun. “first time deal.” you quickly start to refuse.

“wait, i can’t just do that. seriously mark, how much is it?” you ask, internally pleading with him to just let this deal be done. you don’t want to feel indebted to him in any way, but your friend has other ideas at the prospect of free weed.

“actually, you can! thanks, mark, hope i can get this 100% discount next time, too,” renjun interjects cheerfully. he starts to usher you back into the apartment, saying his goodbyes to mark as he rubs your cold arms up and down. “it’s so cold out here, better get back inside before someone catches a cold.”

you nod, looking back at mark, only to see him gazing at you with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “thank you, mark. goodnight.”

“yeah. goodnight, __. and renjun.” he waves goodbye and parts from the two of you, walking back to his car with not nearly as much energy as he had when coming up to you earlier, rejected bag of gelato in hand.

you don’t know why your heart aches so much as he disappears into his car, but you try to forget all about it as you get ready for another round in renjun’s apartment. when you open the bag containing your weed order, you find a note along with it, your name at the top scribbled in mark’s familiar messy handwriting.

thanks for ordering, talk to you soon :)

-mark

you take the packets of flower out of the bag and throw the note back in. you will not be talking to him soon. as you take a hit of your freshly rolled joint, you hope the smoke dissipating into the air around you takes the images of mark lee along with it.

you hoped you wouldn’t be talking to him soon, but when you get a takeout order under “donghyuck,” you get a bad feeling about who will be picking it up. it’s a monday afternoon, one of your slowest times, and you’re the only one scheduled besides the cooks.

you make sure the kitchen staff has the order ready, hoping that this exchange would be quick, and your bad feeling proves true when a familiar head of dark hair makes its way through your door.

you lock eyes with the bright-eyed man, and he waves bashfully as he comes up to the front.

“hey.”

“hey, for donghyuck, right?” you confirm, already placing some utensils in the bag.

“yeah, wait, how did you know?” he asks, surprised that you mentioned the name before he could.

“you did it last time, too. he’s a regular here and renjun’s friend, so i know you aren’t him.”

“oh, that’s right. yeah, renjun..” he mutters the last part, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. there’s an awkward silence after, and he hands you his card as you ring him up. he speaks up first.

“so, are you and renjun, like, a thing?” he has a talent for making you stop in your tracks, as the shock of his question rings through you.

“what?”

“well, i was thinking the address looked a bit familiar. and you’re living together?” he asked, not fully able to maintain eye contact as he explained his thought process.

you sigh. though you don’t want mark to know anything about you beyond your weed order, you also don’t want renjun caught up in a misunderstanding.

“we’re friends, mark. i have my own apartment somewhere else, i just go over there a lot,” you turn your attention back to the register, printing his receipt and handing it back to him. it’s a familiar interaction, but with a lot more talking this time.

he can’t hide the slight smile on his face as he takes his receipt and card back from you.

“oh, that’s cool!” you can tell he means it now. there’s another bit of silence between the two of you, and you’re hoping he gets the cue to leave.

“well, thanks for ordering and have a good da-”

“wait, __,” he stops you, glancing around to make sure no one’s around. “honestly, can we talk?”

you feel the familiar irritation creeping up your being. “what is there to talk about?” you feign ignorance.

“really?” he grimaces.

“really.” you face him head on.

“look, just give me a chance to apologize, there was just a lot going on and i would like to explain, but not here.”

at this point, the irritation has bubbled up into full blown anger, and you can’t stop yourself from bursting out at him.

“there was a lot going on? yeah, maybe. but when had that ever stopped us from working through things together?? you could’ve told me anything back then, and i would have accepted it.” you feel yourself start to tear up, but you know you can’t let this get too far at work. “you just left, mark, and i never heard from you again. i have nothing to say to you.”

you can see his eyes have glossed over, unable to retort properly. another wave of silence passes between the two of you before he opens his mouth to speak.

“i’m sorry..”

you shake your head and hand him his food.

“you should be. thank you for ordering and have a good day.” with that you spin on your heel, ducking in the back as one of the older cooks, comes out with a questioning look at the commotion.

you just continue on into the back room and don’t look back even as you hear the bell chime and door shut, pushing back an onset of tears. you slump into one of the chairs, dreading the next few hours of your shift, already more than drained.

“’s that your man?” your coworker asks after following you with a look of concern.

“absolutely not.”

“well, he left this on the counter. guessing it’s for you.” he plops the bag in your lap and heads back to the kitchen. you can feel its cold weight as you peer inside to see a familiar treat you had rejected once before.

when you collapse onto your bed after your shift, your mind replays the events from earlier. your heart aches. part of you is proud of yourself for standing your ground, but the other side of you feels for mark. he just wanted a chance to talk to you, to apologize.

but the truth of the matter is that you don’t know how you’d react to an apology if he offered it, and you have a feeling it would be hard for you to keep up the wall you’ve built with him. you don’t want it to be so easy for him, but at the same time you can’t help but feel a little bad for making it so difficult.

you find yourself scrolling through old pictures of the two of you that you never had the heart to delete. he deserves this, you try to convince yourself, but that thought pains you as well. with mark lee, the emotions that follow are always complicated.

whether you like it or not, you know deep down that you still care about him. you tell yourself he’s not a good person, but at your core you know he is, evidenced by the sweet treat sitting in your freezer and every interaction you’ve had since your reunion.

bzzzzzz.

your phone buzzes in your hand, and you curse as it falls onto your face. you lift it up to take a look at who has interrupted your thoughts, and like the first time you reunited, you fear your thoughts have brought him straight to you.

the same goofy picture that you didn’t delete pops up on your phone. you chew on your lip, letting it ring a bit longer before ultimately deciding against your better judgement. with everything you were just thinking, exhausted from the back and forth, you just didn’t have it in you to deny him again.

“hello?”

“hello- hey! __?” you can hear the relief in his voice.

“hi.”

“i’m gonna be honest, i didn’t think you’d pick up.”

“and you still called anyway?” you wince at the bite in your voice.

“look, __. i know you probably don’t want to hear from me, and i know i was a shit friend, but please give me a chance to talk to you. if you don’t want to hear from me ever again or just want weed or whatever after we talk, it’s okay.” you feel your barrier weakening at his pleading.

after a few moments to ponder, you decide to go for it. maybe some closure could be beneficial for both of you.

“okay, when?”

“whe- oh! oh, uh.. didn’t think i’d make it this far,” he laughs nervously, and you can’t help but laugh at that as well, feeling your heart lighten just the tiniest bit.

“i’m free the rest of the night,” you tell him.

“me too, kind of—i actually have some deliveries, do you want to join?”

“if it’s cool with you, sure.”

“more than cool, i’ll be there in 30.” you can hear the smile in his voice, and when you hang up, despite your heart beating out of your chest, you find yourself smiling, too.

“hey.”

“hi.”

you open the door of mark’s black suv and slide into his passenger seat. mark starts up the car only after confirming your seatbelt is on. the car ride is silent for a few minutes, and your leg bobs as you get more impatient by the second. after a good amount of time, he finally speaks up.

“so umm, how was work?” he asks as if he wasn’t there.

“started off really bad because of someone.” he grimaces, hand tightening on the steering wheel. the tense feeling has returned tenfold.

“sorry.. i really didn’t mean to cause any issues at your job, hope you didn’t get in trouble or anything,” he peeks over at you.

“it’s okay, honestly i lost my temper, too. nothing bad happened.” he lets out a sigh of relief at that. “’m not gonna apologize for it though.”

“you don’t have to, i deserved it..” he says, looking a little defeated. “i’m honestly just grateful you even gave me a chance to talk.” for some reason, his words strike a chord in you, and you feel the irritation in your throat starting to spill.

“if you had asked maybe 3 years ago, fuck, even last year—i’d have given a chance in a heartbeat, mark.” any lightheartedness has dissipated quickly as you remember why you are like this in the first place.

“i know—just, running into you, i couldn’t let this chance pass.” all semblance of composure you thought you’d have coming into this conversation has disappeared; just being near him shakes you.

“so you wouldn’t have ever reached out if we didn’t bump into each other?” you retort, feeling your heart break a little. you try to keep your voice strong, but it quivers as you press on. “it’s all just soo convenient??”

“no! w-well, i would’ve eventually. honestly.” he pulls up to a random apartment complex, parking the car. his hands still tightly grip the steering wheel.

“please listen, i’m gonna be honest, okay.” you nod at him as he faces you, face turning red as he looks down. “uhhh.. you know when we, like, kissed?”

you nod.

“that was my first kiss, well my first anything.”

that came as a surprise, given how popular he was and how seasoned that kiss felt. “i had never done anything like that before and we were so high. i just felt like.. i took advantage of you?” he sighs, still unable to meet your eyes.

“no, mark. i’ve never thought of it that way,” you assure.

“i felt like i had crossed a line i never should have and every time i thought of you i just felt so guilty.”

“so you decided to cut me out of your life forever? after years of friendship? you thought i wasn’t someone you could work it out with?” your heart is beating out of your chest and you feel your face heating up as you bite back tears.

“no! it’s not you, ugh, this sounds so stupid but really, it was me! every time i’d make up my mind to approach you i just lost the courage. i just kept imagining that you’d be so disappointed in me, and the longer that went on the worse it was.”

you’re silent at that, just feeling like you want to cry. you want to yell at him, to get even angrier, but you let him talk.

“i know how sad you were when everything happened, and i wanted to make things right—trust me, i really did. but time passed and i missed my chance and i could see you were so happy with your new friends.” he finally meets your eyes, turning fully to you, and there are unshed tears in mark’s eyes as well.

“i’m so sorry, and i wish i had stayed that day. then maybe i wouldn’t have lost you. i missed you so bad, but i-i messed it all up.” his voice cracks a bit. “i know i can’t expect your forgiveness, but if there’s any chance at all, i really want to make it up to you. i want my best friend back.”

your heart breaks as you listen to his apology, and you feel the tears slip out of your eyes at his last sentence. you try to tell yourself that he needs to suffer more for all of this, but you just can’t bring yourself to antagonize him any further.

you realize you might be stupid for forgiving him so easily, but you also wanted your best friend back. you were so tired of being angry, and your 18-year old self is at the back of your mind, pleading with you to just rest. he was stupid, but he’s here now.

you realize he’s fully crying, too. he never used to cry, even at his saddest moments. you place a hand on top of his, and though he flinches at the contact at first, he quickly moves to intertwine his fingers with yours.

you have so much more to say, but you think you’ll have a lot more chances to talk about it. for now, you’ll just be. his thumb caresses the side of your hand. the silence between you isn’t suffocating anymore, it feels right.

“you know, i—”

bzzzzzzzzzzz.

he’s interrupted by his phone lighting up in his pocket, blaring ringtone and vibration filling the car. he looks at you, and you withdraw your hand from his, settling back in your seat. his hand remains where you left it.

“it’s okay, pick it up.”

wordlessly, he does just that, rubbing the tears from his eyes. you hear a man’s voice over the speakers.

“oh shit, sorry. i’m a few minutes away, had a pit stop.” the two of you had forgotten why you were out driving in the first place, mark’s presumed customer asking his whereabouts.

“sorry, we’ll continue this conversation in a bit,” mark assures, putting his phone in his pocket and starting the car back up.

“it’s fine, work is important, mark.” he nods, putting on a random playlist. the short drive to his customer’s apartment complex is quiet apart from the music, but a good kind of quiet that helps you as you let yourself process the conversation.

mark pulls up to the curb, grabbing his supply bag from behind your seat.

“sit tight, i’ll be quick,” he says, jumping out of the car to meet his customer waiting outside their apartment. your eyes follow his form, and you can’t help but tear up again.

this conversation is everything you wanted, and even if it’s coming later than you would have liked it, you can feel a burden being lifted from your chest; your heart feels so much lighter.

at the same time, you can’t deny the feelings blossoming in your chest beyond the relief of having his friendship back. the feelings beyond friendship itself. it’s all so much to think about, and your vision darkens as your thoughts progress.

“hey, __, wake up, we’re at your place.” mark shakes you gently by the shoulder, peering into your face as you come to, blinking away the sleep from your eyes. you dart up from your slumped state, having fallen asleep in the middle of your thoughts.

“oh shit, sorry, didn’t mean to doze off,” you apologize worriedly. “what time is it? how long was i sleeping?”

“it’s all good, i’m done with the deliveries now, so it’s time to head in for the night, getting pretty late.”

when you look around, you realize you are indeed parked in front of your apartment complex. “why didn’t you wake me up?” you ask, slightly embarrassed at having knocked out the entire rest of the night in his car. “let’s pick up where we left off?” you ask, remembering he had been cut off earlier.

you can’t hide your fatigue as a yawn punctuates your question. he chuckles at that, yawning too at the sight of yours.

“you looked too comfy, i didn’t want to disturb,” he says, patting your shoulder. “let’s continue another time, okay?” his hand slides down to rest on top of yours, just as you did to him.

“is it safe to say that there will be another time?” his hand grips yours slightly, and his eyes search yours anxiously. you move to intertwine your fingers with his, just as he did to you.

“yeah, there will be. can’t finish that big tub of gelato by myself.” you can’t keep down your smile, and he grins widely, pulling you into as best of a hug as he can manage over his center console.

“i missed you so much,” he murmurs into the side of your head.

your heart beats wildly as you wrap your arms around him, but it’s a part of your heart that has stood still since the day he left. “i missed you, too.”

it’s a little weird how easily mark integrated back into your life. one day you were erasing his existence from your mind, the next rejecting him to his face, and now every few days you’re sitting in his passenger seat as he makes deliveries or preps orders, always making sure to roll you a joint.

since his apology, the two of you have talked—a lot. catching up on over 4 years of life takes time, but it seems mark has all the time in the world with how often he’s with you. he always was a yapper, and there’s never a dull moment when you spend time together.

you never found out what he was going to say when the phone call interrupted you, but you think you’re okay not knowing. you try not to bring up the past as much, as does he—it’s like an unspoken agreement that you’re both moving forward. at least that’s what you think.

in reality, you know this may just be another way of coping. having mark back in your life was so beautiful, and you don’t want anything to get weird again. you tell yourself that what’s important will eventually be discussed, but right now you just want to enjoy his presence.

mark being back didn’t automatically propel him back into best friend status. that position was reserved for renjun, and that won’t ever change, and you assure him of this as you catch him up on everything that’s happened, as well as your history with mark.

to your surprise, renjun isn’t too fazed by the news. he’s always had a pretty good intuition. “you see, i knew you were acting weird,” he scolds. “you can’t hide anything from me.”

you smile at him, rubbing his head aggressively. “you are sooo right, my junnie.” the two of you fall into your usual smoking routine.

“do you think i’m dumb for letting him back in so easily?” you ask, high thoughts swirling in your head, and without missing a beat, renjun replies.

“no, not at all.”

“really?” you press, astonished. renjun was always brutally honest, and you thought he might have other thoughts about the whole thing.

“you aren’t dumb and i trust your judgement. it sounds like he’s genuinely sorry, and he’d be the dumb one to not want you in his life.” renjun always knows the best things to say. “as long as he understands i’m still your number 1 friend and respects you, then all is good.”

you nod, pressing your shoulder to his and laying your head on his shoulder. “thank you, junnie.” he rests his head on top of yours.

“no need to thank me,” he says, grinning. he separates from you, facing you with a mischievous look in his eye.

“you know.. the best friend spot is reserved for me, but he could always take the boyfriend spot.” you gasp, smacking him lightly.

“oh my god, no!” being high always makes you more honest, so you just know the embarrassment you’re feeling is written all over your face. “it’s not like that.”

renjun rolls his eyes. “oh sure, and that’s why you’ve deleted every dating app, turned down that date karina mentioned a couple weeks ago, and have mark following you around like a puppy whenever he gets the chance.” you have nothing to retort—all of those things were true. but you don’t want to ruin anything you have. you lost him once and you’re terrified of that happening again.

“i’m fine with the way things are now, really.” your words are more to assure yourself.

“anyways, let’s smoke smoke?”

he grins. “fuck yeah.”

as always, that choice is a great one, and an hour later the two of you are clutching your stomachs in laughter watching your favorite show. your head feels so light, but not in a bad way, and your body feels glued to the couch.

you don’t hear your phone ringing between you two, but renjun in his own daze answers the incoming call, not even looking at the caller id.

“hello?”

“h-hello? is that you, renjun?” renjun giggles a little as he realizes who it is. “is __ there?”

“yeah, but i wouldn’t say here.” renjun full on cackles as he hands the phone to you. you aren’t exactly there; you’re floating through the universe at the moment.

“helloooo?” you answer. mark’s voice rings through the speakers through your ears as he calls out your name.

“markie,” you sigh out, not noticing how his breath hitches at the old nickname.

“uh— hey.” he recomposes himself. “i was going to ask if you wanted to join me on some deliveries, but it sounds like you’re having fun already.”

a night car ride in this state sounds like heaven to your ears, and you’re agreeing before you know it. “wait. that sounds soo fun right now.” you turn to renjun. “can renjun join also?” you ask mark.

“..yeah, sure,” he says after a moment, and you look at renjun excitedly, who has been listening the entire time.

“i will not be joining, thank you though,” he states bluntly. “i have a morning shift, so i was thinking of heading to bed soon anyways.”

you frown, but nod in understanding, returning back to the call. “renjun’s not coming, actually, going to sleep like a baby.” you tease, hearing mark laugh over the phone.

“so you’re taking my shift?” renjun bites back, and you shut up before returning to the phone call.

“i’ll come get you. renjun’s place or yours?” he asks, and you reply with the former. “got it, see you soon.”

he’s waiting for you outside the apartment complex, and it feels like deja vu with the way he immediately throws his jacket around your shoulders after seeing you in a light sweater. he rubs your upper arms lightly.

“i swear you’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t start wearing warmer clothes at this time of the night.” he moves to walk with you to his car, but the warmth from both his jacket and touch remain on your form.

he opens the passenger door for you, waiting until you’re settled before closing it and moving to the driver’s seat. he starts driving, and the two of you fall into the same comfortable conversation before it quiets for a moment.

“how were you planning on getting home tonight?” he asks, unaware at how you tend to stay at renjun’s quite often. you haven’t been staying as much since you started hanging out with mark again, but you wanted to make sure you still had time for your best friend.

“i was planning on staying at renjun’s, i’ve left so much of my shit there i don’t even bring an overnight bag anymore,” you laugh, but mark isn’t laughing with you. “i probably would have knocked out in the next 10 minutes if you didn’t call.”

mark is silent for a second before chuckling lightly, matching your energy just a bit. “well, i’m glad i called then.” the two of you catch up on the days you haven’t seen each other, conversation flowing smoothly between each stop he makes. one particular stop piques your interest.

he pulls up to the curb and reaches behind your seat as usual to grab his bag. he exits the car, leaving the music playing. there’s a woman waiting for him outside, and though you can’t hear their conversation, you can’t tear your eyes from them.

the woman is more than comfortable, leaning in to him as she giggles at something he said. as you watch them, you feel a tingle in your heart that feels all too familiar to the one you felt all those years ago. this has been a common occurrence when you’ve accompanied him on his deliveries.

you’ve found that he’s charming as always, even more so than he was as a slightly awkward teen. you stopped by this customer’s place just last week, but you wouldn’t be surprised if some of them purposely ordered frequently in order to see him. yet the selfish feeling of pride that you’re the one sitting in his passenger seat sits in your chest. you know yourself well enough to understand what that means.

renjun’s teasing about mark resurfaces in your brain, and part of you knew this would be the result if you let your old friend back in. you know things are going to be okay for your friendship, but your feelings are plain and clear.

despite the years apart and active repression of any feelings towards him, good or bad, you still love mark. you don’t know if you ever stopped.

the rekindling of this friendship has done nothing for you but tether your heart to him once more, but you can’t bring yourself to create any distance. mark slides back into the driver’s seat.

“what’s on your mind?” he asks, and you snap out of your thoughts.

“huh?”

“you’ve got your little thinking face on,” he laughs, starting up the car.

“i didn’t realize that i had one of those.”

“the way your brows furrow a bit, and your eyes get a bit distant. i can always tell.” there’s a funny feeling in your stomach at the thought of him looking at you enough to know that. “so are you gonna tell me? orr..”

“just thinking about some good gelato,” you lie quickly, but he looks unconvinced. he decides to just go along with it and you’re grateful.

“gelato, huh.. the frozen kind or the smoking kind?” he asks, tilted smirk painting his face.

“and if i said both, then what?” you grin, and he’s full on cheesing as he comes to a red light.

“then i’d get you both,” he replies warmly. butterflies erupt in your stomach—he’s just too good to you.

“my place?”

“bet.”

it’s a little past 2am when you lead mark into your apartment. as much as you’ve been seeing him, he’s still never been to your apartment, and it’s an interesting experience to see him there. you had long dismissed the possibility of him being in your life, let alone your living space.

you still have a good amount of the weed, so you insisted on just using up what you have though mark promised to replenish your stash as soon as it was out. the tub of gelato he bought isn’t even halfway done and in need of a second spoon, and you think that maybe he did that on purpose.

mark takes out his rolling papers, and you hand him your grinder. you watch as he grinds up the leaves, placing the filter and leaves onto the paper as he expertly tightens the concoction into a perfect little joint.

“you are too good at that,” you compliment, in awe of how efficient he is. the joints are always rolled when they get to you nowadays, and you’re also trying not to stare too hard at his hands, watching the way they move so adeptly.

“oh you know, it comes with the job. thanks,” he replies bashfully, finishing up the end with a twist. “want to start it off?” he offers, and you nod as he hands it to you.

“lighter?” you ask, not knowing where your own is.

“oh yeah,” he pulls one out of his pocket. “let me.”

you bring the joint to your lips, and he flicks on the lighter, watching you with those gleaming eyes of his as you suck in slightly. you can feel his eyes on you, and you try not to make eye contact, but you can’t help it as your eyes flit up to meet his.

something stirs in your chest as you meet his gaze, but he quickly breaks the eye contact, dropping his hand to place the lighter down. your eyes move down to your hands, and you rotate the joint a bit, making sure it’s burning evenly. mark watches your movements with his own awe.

you pass it back to him, it’s your turn to have your eyes trained on him as he takes a drag out of it, holding it in before blowing the smoke upwards, neck strained. in contrast to your usual hangouts full of endless conversation, the two of you smoke in comfortable silence.

maybe it’s the time of the night, or the fatigue of the week, but you don’t mind. but like earlier, his eyes meet yours often, flitting back away, and you can still feel his eyes on you even when you aren’t looking at him.

“dude, you’re really good at that, you know,” he finally speaks up. his tone of voice is so genuine, you can’t help but laugh.

your memory of the first time you smoked together resurfaces; he had praised you just like that. remembering that time of life doesn’t sting like it used to. you find that after many years of only recalling the bad, the good parts of that introduction to weed are now able to shine.

“oh you know, i’ve had a lot of practice,” you muse, finishing off the joint as it reaches its end.

“you’ve always been good at it..” he trails off, eyes looking a bit distant. he’s probably reminiscing about that same memory.

you’re both a good amount of high, and as you look at him, you see how he’s grown, mentally and physically, yet his sweetness has always remained. like always, the weed brings your honest thoughts to the forefront of your conscious. you want him so badly, maybe even more than your younger self did.

as your brain jumps along the timeline of your memories with him, it stops at one point—the kiss. your eyes remain locked on each other, and you’re almost certain that he’s remembering the same thing. everything moves in slow motion, and his face gets closer and closer. you can feel the warmth of his breath, of his body inching closer to yours.

but you know better now, even if you want him.

placing your hands on his chest, you push him back lightly, turning your head to the side.

“we aren’t doing this, mark,” you assert as firmly as you can, but your voice wavers. a look of hurt flashes over his face, but he’s resolute as he moves his hands over yours, bringing them into his grasp.

“…are you uncomfortable? can you tell me what you’re thinking about?” you look at him in shock at his composure, and you try to regain yours, but you can’t help the stinging in your eyes as you are filled with fear at the thought of losing all of this, of losing him.

“you can’t just do this and leave me all over again, not when I finally have you back.” the tears start to pool in your eyes, and you pull your hands from him, trying to calm yourself. you feel the younger and current versions of yourself at odds with each other, and the feeling is all too overwhelming as a few tears start to slip out.

“hey, look at me.” mark takes your face into his hands.

“hey.” his eyes are unwavering. “i’m not leaving you.”

the warmth of his lips meets yours as he draws you into a sweet kiss, one hand moving to the back of your head. as you separate, he pulls you into a hug.

“i love you.”

his voice is barely above a whisper, but you hear it clearly, pulling away from him with wide eyes at his confession.

“what?” you can’t believe your ears. it can’t be real, this has to be a dream. you shake your head, denying him. “mark, you’re high.” he shakes his head, too.

“i know i’m high and you’re high, but i’ll tell you again and again now and when we’re sober. i love you so much.” his confession opens the floodgates, and tears stream down your face.

“when we first talked, i didn’t tell you everything,” he starts. “every time i look back at that time back in your dorm, i think about how stupid i was.” your eyes are trained on him through your tears, unable to get any words out.

“you told me you loved me, and i was high out of my mind when i said it back, i wasn’t thinking straight. but i meant it beyond being friends and i wasn’t sure if you did also. i tried to play it off, but after all that, i couldn’t,” he confesses, face heating up.

“i meant to talk to you after, i swear. i meant to tell you this in the car that one time, too. but i really was a coward—i think i still am, but i can’t let this go on anymore without telling you everything. i thought i could just be satisfied having your friendship back, but i don’t think i can.” he brings a gentle hand up to your face to wipe your tears.

“i know i’m a little high, but somehow my mind is clearer than ever, __. i love yo-”

he doesn’t get to finish his sentence as you throw your arms around him, pressing your lips to his. his hands find your waist, returning your kiss with more fervor, both hearts racing at the reciprocation. you angle your head to meld your lips further with his, kissing him until both of you are breathless.

when you pull away, there’s not even a hint of devastation written on his face—instead his lips are stretched wide in a goofy grin, eyes gazing at you with pure warmth.

“you fucking idiot.” he winces at your harsh words, but his smile does not falter at all. “i love you, too.”

he pulls you back into a kiss, and it feels just as it did all those years ago. this time, you know he’s staying.

the remnants of your smoke session still flow through your systems, and now that your feelings are clear, you can’t hide your desire for him any longer. you want more, all of him. he guides your hips as you move to straddle him, taking turns nibbling and prodding at the other, deepening the kiss further.

he seems to share the same idea, but as you sit in his lap, feeling him harden in his pants, he pulls away for a second. “are you sure you wanna do this?” he asks, expression serious with a touch of concern. “am i moving too fast?” you appreciate the check in, but you can’t wait any longer.

“no, mark, i’m so sure. i want you so fucking bad.” you move over his hardening bulge to emphasize your words, and he groans, throwing his head back on your couch. “i’ve wanted you for so long,” you breath out over his exposed neck, laying kisses down as he swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing under your lips. he lets out a low groan, pushing your hips down over his own as he lifts himself to meet you.

he tugs at your shirt, lifting it up over your head, and then proceeds to take off his own. “fuck.. you’re too beautiful..” he rasps, continuing to grind himself into you, peppering kisses down your neck, nibbling and sucking his way down. you moan at the sensation, your hips pressing together, and he separates from your collarbone with a loud pop.

he looks at focuses on you with slightly hooded lids, moving his hands down to your ass to slow your hips down with a strong grip. “can we take this to the bed?” he asks, voice slightly shaky. “i don’t wanna cum in my pants, baby.”

you laugh in response to this, grinding down a bit more just to tease him. “let me ride you, gelato boy.” his eyebrows raise at the nickname and then scrunch at the stimulation, but he laughs too, using his grip to push you up from himself and down on your back on the couch.

he hovers over you, drawing close so that you can feel each other’s breath. “don’t tease me.”

an aching feeling erupts in your lower regions. he stands up, pulling you to your feet as he nudges you to lead him to your room. you hold his hand walking to your room, and he does his best to walk with his raging hard member confined in his pants.

“it’s probably not the right time to say this, but i almost came in my fucking pants when we made out in your dorm.” you let out a full bellied laugh at this, cracking up as you open the door to your room and lead him in.

mark smiles seeing you happy, even at the expense of his pride. you’d probably tease him a bit more if not for how turned on you are, but you need him severely. as soon as you’re both inside your bedroom, he has you in his arms, kissing you fiercely as you both tug your bottoms off in between kisses.

you tumble back into the bed, mark securing a strong hand on the back of your head to make sure you land safely, lips attaching to yours once again. you can feel his warmth emanating from his skin on yours, and it all just feels so right.

he brings one hand down to your core, gingerly separating your folds in contrast to the fervor in his lips. he runs two fingers down your slit, gathering your wetness on his digits. you whimper into his mouth, and he separates from your lips, wanting to hear your unmuffled noises.

he circles your clit slowly, kissing your neck as your moans resound like music to his ears. he experimentally shifts a finger down, prodding at your hole before entering slowly. your breath hitches, and he stills, watching your face for any signs of discomfort.

he continues to slip his digit in, thrusting in and out shallowly until he’s knuckle deep. he pulls his hand out, pressing his middle and ring fingers against your hole, slipping them past the entrance as you cry out.

“oh, f-fuck, mark!” you grasp at his shoulders, and his name in your shaky voice encourages him to venture further.

“gotta stretch you out for me, love. so fucking tight.” he scissors his fingers inside you slightly, and your breath stutters again at the stretch.

“’s been a while s-since i’ve done this, okay?” you hide your face with one hand in embarrassment, but mark isn’t having it. his hand separates from your core as he grabs your hand from your face, lips returning to yours like magnets before reattaching his fingers to your core, snaking their way into you before starting to thrust in and out.

his hot breath fans your lips as he moves up, growling lowly. it’s as if a switch in him flipped. “don’t even wanna think of you doing this with anyone else.” his fingers speed up, and he eats up your moans hungrily, messy tongues intertwining. all sorts of emotions whirl in his head, but he’s sure of one thing.

“should’ve. been. me.” he growls into your lips, punctuating his words with the thrusts of his fingers. “fuck, i can’t believe i let you go,” he mutters, jaw clenched at even the thought of someone else in his place.

the funny feeling in your gut earlier was no coincidence, your arousal is overflowing seeing this new side to mark. the intensity, the control—it all reminds you that the mark in front of you truly is a man, and this new side to him is one only you get to see.

“f-fuck, mark, fuck! only you, only you,” you chant, feeling your head lighten from the pleasure.

“yeah? only me?” he questions smugly. he slips his thumb over your clit, rubbing harsh circles in time with the thrusts of his fingers. “let me feel you cum around my fingers, baby.”

your back strains, cursing a mixture of praises and mark’s name, feeling that pool of fire in your abdomen getting hotter and hotter. with one last swipe at your aching clit, he has you tumbling over the edge, cumming over his hands with a loud cry.

he watches you in awe as you catch your breath, relishing the way your walls pulse around his digits as you come down. he gently removes his fingers from you, lapping up your juices from his hand, eyes not faltering from yours. “so fucking good for me.” already you’re aching for more, and so is he.

he’s flooded with the need to feel your walls completely wrapped around him, spreading your legs more as he slots himself between them. he lets his dick rest on your core, rubbing up and down slightly, coating his member in your juices as you whine in overstimulation.

he still keeps an eye on your expression, making sure you’re still okay. “all good?” he asks. he’s huge, and his throbbing heat sits heavy on you. you shudder in excitement at the thought of just how full you’ll feel.

“mark, please,” you plead quietly, wanting nothing more than for him to fill you up completely.

he has a smirk on his face as he continues his slow movements—just a little revenge for your teasing earlier. “please what?”

you thrust your hips up, gliding over his member in a way that almost has him eating his words. he holds your hips down with a firm grip. “what did i say? don’t tease.”

you look up at him with pleading eyes, unable to take it any longer. “mark, please put it in. please, please, please.”

he almost presses a bit more, but he’s about to explode, self control on its very last thread at your begging. he lines up his dick to your entrance, letting the head catch before thrusting in ever so lightly. just the tip has you seeing stars, fisting at the sheets as you adjust to the stretch.

he inches in bit by bit, eyes addicted to the way your face contorts with every shallow thrust. the stretch burns a bit, but he rubs at your sore clit, letting the pain melt into pleasure. he has to still a bit when he finally bottoms out, gaze now locked on how he’s buried in you. he lets you adjust to him, circling his hips to get acquainted with your walls.

your moans resonate through the room, and he has to bite his lip as he huffs, trying to keep himself under control. but you don’t want him to.

“please start moving mark, i need you so bad,” you plead, hands reaching out to grab his shoulders. he moves down, hovering over you, sucking dark marks into your neck as your pleas ring like music to his ears. his hips start to pick up the pace through your pulsing, rolling into you as you lift your hips in time with his.

“i’ve got you,” he grits through clenched teeth, setting a rhythm as your nails dig into his shoulders. he lifts himself up, letting your hands fall to your sides. he laces his fingers through yours, pressing you into the sheets, thrusts getting heavier and harsher.

“f-fuck,” he huffs. “i’m not gonna last long.” you don’t think you are either, not with the way his hips pound into your clit, tip reaching deep into your core. you’re both drowning in the pleasure, your eyes squeezed shut as you tear up from the sensations.

“look at me, __,” he calls, and you open your eyes slowly. he’s breathing hard, glistening sheen painting his body, hair mussed and pointing everywhere. you can’t believe he’s finally all yours, feeling yourself ripple at the thought, chest tightening with pure joy.

mark can feel it, too, groaning as he observes you, warmth surrounding him as proof to him that you’re all his. too. “you really are so beautiful,” he sighs, picking up the pace as he feels his high coming. “i love you.”

“i love you, i love you, i-i love you so much,” you babble, feeling the coil in you tighten and tighten, his movements hitting everywhere just right, his body over yours feeling just right—everything is perfect, he’s perfect.

you’re moaning his name and he’s moaning yours, both of your minds unable to hold thoughts of anything but each other.

with one last strangled moan, you come undone, and he pushes through to carry you through your orgasm, hissing at the way your walls spasm around him. he pulls out at the very last second, jerking himself furiously with his own pained groan as he paints your thighs with his cum.

his eyes hone in on the way his juices look all over you, moving up your body until he’s at your face, eyes softening as he snaps out of his post-orgasm haze.

his body descends onto yours slowly, limbs limp as the two of you catch your breaths. his forehead presses into yours as you calm down. the tenderness of it all almost brings you to tears, this time of joy instead of all those nights of sorrow. little do you know he’s also biting back his own. you just bring that side out of each other.

there’s no words being spoken, just you and mark basking in each other’s presence. you’re exhausted, and he is too, the hours now touching dawn. “one more thing,” he sighs out, toppling to your side and gathering you back into his arms. you hum in response, eyes closed as you scoot forward to rest your head on his chest.

“i was pretty much thinking of quitting being a plug before i saw you at your work.”

your eyes shoot open, darting up to meet his. “really? why??” you ask in shock.

“i don’t know, i was just having second thoughts about picking it up as a job.” his eyes move down to your lips, and he can’t help but lean down and lay some sweet pecks on your lips. you push him away with a giggle, urging him to continue.

“that day i met you again, i really short circuited. it probably seemed so stupid asking you if you smoke out of nowhere, but it really was the only thing my mind could come up with to try and connect with you,” he admits sheepishly. “but i’m glad i did.”

you’re touched, grateful that he made the first move even if it was a bit awkward at first. “i’m glad too, but you could’ve just talked to me, you know.”

“well, i tried, and youuu were the one to shut me down. though i understand why.” he lifts a hand to brush your cheek. you do feel just a bit bad about your treatment of him. but just a bit.

“i’ll admit i was a little harsh.” his hand travels back down around you to tug you even closer.

“no, you were just being careful.“ your eyes close, and you lift an arm around him to caress his back. he feels a bit tense. “i know you’re probably sick of the apologies, but i really do hope you can forgive me,” he continues, tucking you under his chin.

“markie, i forgave you a long time ago,” you assure. “but you can make up for it from now on.”

he’s silent for a bit, but his body relaxes completely at your assurance and the affectionate nickname he had gone so long without. you can feel his chin shift; he’s smiling contently. “you’re right.. i can offer free weed?”

“that’s a given,” you reply sleepily, already starting to doze off. “lifetime supply of gelato, please.”

he laughs, yawning and closing his eyes as well. “anything for you.”

note: if you've gotten this far, thank you so much for reading! like i said in the preview, it's been really hard to write lately, especially after the wrong people found my page, but i still enjoy it and hope you will enjoy this as well. it's not as smut heavy and more focused on the angst, but trust one of these days i'll be back w those high horny thoughts :'0 had a different vision of my plug!mark at first, but ultimately just stayed true to my soft stoner agenda hehe

thank you to everyone who interacted w the preview and also huge huge shout out to my bae @wispyxjae for beta reading thank u ilysm :') <3

feedback and shares are always appreciated!

cw: stoner everyone ofc, non-idol!au, jealous hyuck, one-sided (?) pining, very slight chenle x reader but all is platonic, heartbroken yearning, embarrassing situations, petty arguments, weed/alcohol use, dry humping, fingering, riding, unprotected pinv sex but he pulls out (still wrap it up!), marking, tender love making, pet names: pretty girl, baby

last christmas i gave you my heart, but the very next day, you ga—

you abruptly skip the song, changing it to another christmas hit on your playlist.

“hey, i liked that one!” a whiny voice protests, and you do your best to block out your fluffy-haired best friend’s pouting. hyuck blindly flails his hand for your phone, knocking it out of your hand into your lap.

“hey, you’re driving, idiot,” you scold, holding your phone away from him and ignoring his complaints to change the song back.

“this is the last time i give you the aux,” he huffs, rolling his eyes as he plants both hands firmly back onto the wheel.

he always says that, but every time you slide into his passenger seat he unplugs the wire from his own phone, handing it to you as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. a deep sigh leaves your lips.

the song you skipped is one of your all time favorites for this season, but there’s no way you’d want to listen to something so ironic for you in this moment.

your mind drifts back to this time last year; you were in this same passenger seat on the way to the same annual friends-mas party that you’re going to now. you’re in this same seat every year.

you steal glances at hyuck’s profile, his eyes trained on the road in concentration.

chenle insisted that this year’s christmas party require a funny holiday sweater, so hyuck busted out a knit he buried in his winter clothes drawer—black with thready christmas lights and ornaments of various colors surrounding big letters spelling “let’s get lit.” you’re reminded that you’re decked in the very same sweater.

you had both unknowingly bought them for each other as christmas gifts 3 years ago, and you remember how you both had tears in your eyes and sore stomachs from laughter at the happy accident.

it was undoubtedly in reference to your tendency to sneak out together for a smoke break every gathering, and your friends laughed along with you, teasing you for your synced minds. everyone knows—if you and hyuck are both missing, you can most likely be found on the patio sharing a blunt.

this silly gifted sweater was your only one on hand for this year’s mandatory dress code, but it was his, too, so neither of you got very far in your demands for the other to change when you realized you were matching. not that either of you truly minded it—kind of.

you play with a loose thread on one of your sweater’s red ornaments, looking out the window at the familiar route flying by you. you come to a stop light, and in your distraction hyuck grabs your phone from your lap, quickly queuing the song you had skipped.

you snatch your phone back from him, wanting to skip it again, but your thumb hovers above the playlist as realize you might draw suspicion. you’d hate for him to question your sudden distaste for a song he’s well aware you’ve loved for as long as he’s known you, it even being one of your go-to’s for holiday karaoke as a duet with him.

you sigh again, just letting it be, directing your attention back to the scenery outside the window as the familiar lyrics start up once again.

last christmas i gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away. this year, to save me from tears, i’ll give it to someone special.

hyuck sings along playfully in his soothing voice you’ve heard mature over the years. you miss the worried glance he gives you once he realizes you aren’t singing along with him.

despite its upbeat and catchy melody, the heart-broken lyrics force you to remember exactly why you don’t want to hear this song—the reason being the man in the driver’s seat next to you.

your best friend, yes, but also someone you’ve wished was more than just your best friend for as long as you could remember.

last christmas, everything was as it usually was—food, drinks, weed, and your best friends of many years gathered at chenle’s house. chenle tended to keep decorations minimal, but for some reason that year he went all out, citing a desire to up your group’s holiday spirit.

a certain holiday decoration was also included, one that didn’t catch anyone’s eyes until chenle’s mischievous plans came to light.

you should’ve known there would be consequences for revealing your feelings for your best friend to chenle at his birthday party a month prior. you were crossed and it somehow slipped to arguably the worst person for keeping secrets, despite him also being one of your closest friends.

he bragged in your face that “he knew it” and “it was about time you confessed.” he insisted that your best friend felt the same way and everyone knew that. you tried not to let his words give you false hope, but he always has been the most convincing of your group.

he promised not to tell anyone or do anything (though it came with some threats from you), and genuinely encouraged you despite all of the teasing.

you thought you’d heard the end of it after that. you were both crossed after all, so you reasoned there could be a chance he didn’t even remember what you told him. none of your other friends, hyuck included, seemed to act differently, so you believed him.

big mistake.

with the holiday festivities in full swing, you and hyuck had just returned from another routine smoke session out in the backyard when you caught your friend’s scheming eye.

“oh?” chenle smirked, gesturing to look above you. “what’s that above you two besties?” he announced obnoxiously, and you gave him a confused scowl as you and hyuck locked eyes before looking up. it was already nearing midnight and most of you were pretty inebriated, but you think the sight sobered you up almost instantly.

there, hanging ever so delicately from his kitchen door where you two were propped in conversation, was a bundle of mistletoe, tied with a bright red ribbon. your mouth dropped, panicked eyes immediately jetting back to chenle, who only smiled knowingly.

“bro, you need to chill,” hyuck scolded chenle at the sight, trying to keep a lighthearted tone—yet for some reason he avoided all eye contact with you.

you felt like there was a sudden spotlight on you, and your mind quickly descended into disorder. you couldn’t for the life of you figure out how to handle this gracefully, especially knowing how stubborn your scheming friend would be.

“where’s your christmas spirit?” chenle questioned, gasping as he clutched his chest in fake agony. “i worked so hard to put it up there and everything… you can’t say no to the mistletoe!” he exclaimed, sentence ending in his high pitched laughter.

you and hyuck were never really ones to back down from a challenge, known for your fondness of competitions and love for winning, but this was not a challenge you wanted.

you assumed hyuck was thinking the same thoughts as you, watching him shake his head at chenle’s teasing.

that was until everyone else joined in.

some of your other friends stopped their own conversations and activities at chenle’s exclamation, teasing smiles also lighting their faces at the revelation. it was only a matter of time before a good amount of them were chanting, chenle leading the pack.

“kiss! kiss! kiss!”

you could feel your face heating up, wanting nothing more than to shrivel up into a ball and roll away. you were used to your friends messing around and causing trouble, but the fact was that chenle knew about your feelings and still set you up like this.

you looked at hyuck, trying to get a read on him, but he still seemed to be looking anywhere but you. his eyes darted around at each of your friends, face also heating up at a loss for words.

when he finally did look at you, he had a determined glint to his eyes.

it all happened so fast, yet somehow felt like everything was moving in slow motion. your breath faltered as he planted an unsure hand on the back of your head, your mind going blank.

he leaned in and planted a swift kiss on your lips, so fleeting that your shocked mind couldn’t even process what his lips felt like.

all you remember were the joyous cheers of your jumping friends and hyuck’s hand leaving you with a burning sensation in its absence. he scratched the back of his neck, turning his head from you.

“happy now? jeez…” he scoffed towards the crowd, stalking towards a still jumping chenle before putting him in a headlock. chenle’s loud screams echoed over everyone’s laughter as he tried to pry himself from hyuck’s grip, but you heard nothing but your own thoughts.

this was not how you imagined it going down, but you’d dreamed of this. yes, you were embarrassed, and yes, it wasn’t an ideal situation at all, but you couldn’t even be angry. your mind could only process one thing—hyuck kissed you, and he initiated it.

did he feel the same way as you? why would he kiss you if not for that? you knew your best friend, and despite his unserious nature, he was earnest and not one to play games like this—especially not with you.

thinking back, chenle seemed so sure that hyuck reciprocated your feelings, and you supposed that he had to have known something putting the two of you in the hot seat like that. your heart jumped at the idea, butterflies in your stomach exploding.

after the kiss, things seemed to fizzle down, and eventually, many of your friends tapped out for the night and went home or settled into one of chenle’s many guest rooms.

somehow, you didn’t get to interact with hyuck alone until you decided to head home.

he always picked you up and took you home after each of your functions. that’s something a best friend would do, but you were left wondering if it meant something more. you entered his car giddily, thinking this ride would bring some clarity and wanting so badly to figure where you stood after that kiss.

it was a silent ride for the most part aside from soft christmas music playing in the background. though this wasn’t unusual for the two of you, something definitely felt off. maybe it was the way he wasn’t singing along with any of the tunes that came through the speakers, despite you not being able to get him to shut up in every other instance.

a hundred different thoughts of how to bring up the kiss raced through your head, and you were about to speak up until he did first.

“hey.. uh- sorry about that, had to get him off our backs,” he apologized sheepishly, tone lighthearted and unserious. you felt your heart sink to your stomach. “he would’ve never dropped it unless i did that—you know how chenle is.”

your head snapped towards him, gaze burning into the side of his face. he spared you no glance, eyes trained on the road ahead of him. what did he mean by that?

“oh.” you didn’t even know how to respond his apology. you didn’t want the apology, as it was for something you had wanted so badly. you wanted him to tell you that he wanted it, too.

“yeah, i definitely smoked too much- i think...? what did you put in those joints?” he chuckled, but there was no life to it, or maybe it sounded heartless to you. the two of you definitely smoked the same amount as you usually do, and the weed was from a big batch you’d both been chipping away at for at least a month.

“i didn’t mean to make things uncomfortable,” he remarked so casually, acting as if this kiss didn’t even affect him a fraction of how it affected you. as if he had never dreamed about the moment you’d lock lips for the first time. as if he didn’t feel the sa—

“are we good?”

his question interrupted your thoughts. you paused a bit before answering, and hyuck silently waited for your answer as he pulled up in front of your building and parked. he still kept his eyes forward, stuck on his fingers that lightly tapped on the steering wheel to the tune of the radio.

so it didn’t mean anything?

you were so sure that it meant something, but maybe you were wrong, so, so wrong. every excuse you had given yourself during the entire duration of your feelings for him came crashing down on you at once—a reality check that felt like a slap in the face.

he’s too comfortable with you, he doesn’t see you like that; years of friendship would be down the drain. you’re best friends, and that’s all you ever will be. he’s too important to you to try and convince him—and yourself—otherwise.

“yeah.”

you steeled yourself, putting on as best of a smile as you could though you could feel cracks in your heart growing by the second.

“we’re good.”

afted wishing each other a merry christmas, you exited his car with a piece of your heart hanging. as you entered your apartment, you didn’t realize you had left your old radio on before you left, your favorite christmas hit filling the room softly.

you couldn’t help the tears that stung your eyes, the lyrics of “last christmas” serving to snap the final thread holding your heart together. that song had been special to you for so long, but it only served as a bitter reminder of who you could not have.

you cried and cried until you couldn’t anymore, despondent at the reality you had thought would be different, and embarrassed that you somehow convinced yourself that it would be.

the kiss was never brought up again, not by you or hyuck at least.

chenle apologized afterwards, and when you told him nothing had changed with hyuck—that his assumption was also wrong—he took you for ice cream as an apology and also never mentioned it again, helping you change the subject whenever one of your other friends mentioned it.

though you didn’t think you had it in you at first, you were able to act normal around hyuck. each time you squashed any feelings threatening to surface, you think you somehow conditioned yourself into believing that everything was normal.

you got back to your usual ways with him: weekly smoke sessions, sleepovers, food runs, everything you did as before. just now without the lingering feeling that any of those things were more than platonic. or maybe more so a routine of blocking out any hope that they were.

you’d been doing so well, but with just that one song you’re brought back. as the familiar tune reaches its end, he pulls into chenle’s driveway, and you push down the ache in your chest.

he reaches behind your seat to grab his bag of gifts, and pulls out his pen. “want a hit?” he offers, holding it up to your mouth. like muscle memory you take a hit, letting him hold it for you as you inhale the substance. you could use a bit to calm yourself, and you thank him.

yet the more you try not to think about it, the more the stinging feeling makes its way back up your throat. you ask him for another for good measure, which hyuck has no problem providing. it all feels so natural, rehearsed even, and you want to pat yourself on the back for that.

“ready?” he asks, pocketing his pen and opening his door.

“yeah.” you feel the winter’s chill hit your face as you open the door on your side.

everything is okay. we’re good.

and everything feels okay when you’re brought into the arms of your other closest friends, their rambunctiousness and humor contagious. you’re grateful to have them, even if they put you in a tough spot sometimes. a few shots of tequila and a fat rip or two from chenle’s biggest bong later, your heart feels so light, throat sore from screaming during the various games the host prepared and stomach aching from all the laughter.

you can’t help but notice that you and hyuck aren’t glued to each other’s sides as you usually are.

the reality is that you notice it because you’re the one creating that distance, trying as smoothly as possible to attach yourself to your other friends whenever your best friend seems to hover near you for reasons you can’t explain—you just do.

you’d done fine all year, but seeing him in this setting—the christmas lights, music, and same friends all around—it all brings you back to last year.

you continue through the night repeating this behavior, suddenly feeling the urge to swipe your gifts from under the tree to hand to each friend personally so you have an excuse to stay on the go.

as you walk to the kitchen, gift in hand, you catch chenle grabbing more alcohol from his freezer. a little drunk, he lights up at the sight of you, setting down the bottles and meeting you at the kitchen’s entrance. he holds his hands out excitedly once he catches sight of your wrapped gift.

you laugh and place it in his hands. “merry christmas, lele, and thank you for always hosting.” he brings you into a bear hug, cooing at your gratitude.

“you don’t have to thank me, but it does feel good,” he laughs, and you find that you can’t hold back from laughing along. “by the way…” his voice lowers to a volume only the two of you can hear.

“why are you avoiding hyuck? did something happen?” he asks with a twinge of genuine concern. “he’s been following you around all day like a kicked puppy, and i’ve seen you everywhere but with him.”

caught red-handed, your face heats in embarrassment that your actions were not only noticeable to him, but that it’s also noticeably affected hyuck. you really didn’t mean to make it a spectacle, there was just something in you that repelled you from him like magnets of the same pole.

“you avoided him so much he went to go sulk and smoke outside,” he chides. “without you. when does he ever do that?”

your face falls. he did? chenle was right, he never smokes without you, making sure to wait for you no matter what you were doing before giving the cue to head outside.

“i don’t know, maybe he just wanted to do his own thing,” you shrug, faking nonchalance as best you can. you know this is a consequence of your own actions, and it’s just a smoke break, but who knew it would sting this much?

but it’s not just a smoke break—it was always the moment you felt was reserved for each other. an unspoken promise even in the presence of your other friends.

your thoughts show in your dark expression, which chenle takes note of, pulling his own pen from his pocket and holding it out to you. “looks like you need this more than me right now,” he hands it to you, and you shift it around in your hand.

maybe it would help you relax, to numb your feelings like you’ve been doing. you take a few hits as chenle leaves to retrieve his forgotten bottles of alcohol. it does help- just a bit.

when he returns, you internally pray he’ll drop the subject, but everyone knows chenle is not one to back down.

“so now that you’re relaxed, are you gonna tell me what happened?” any relaxation you might have gotten from your few hits is gone in a second, and you quickly grow irritated.

“nothing happened, and i’m not avoiding him, it’s just-”

“you are avoiding him!” he insists, and in the midst of your quiet squabble, the two of you catch the attention of a bystander.

“oh? chenle…” another of your friends, yangyang, calls. he has a mischievous look on his face, and you’re grateful for the interruption. your attention is also piqued, anticipating what silly antic he might pull.

but chenle’s face drops, smile wiped from his face as yangyang lifts his index finger, pointing up with a devilish grin. your expression mirrors chenle’s once you realize this familiar prank directly affects you, too. it’s like deja vu.

all gratuity flies out the door as you remember what’s pinned so perfectly above the door.

see, you and hyuck weren’t the only ones chenle got with his mistletoe prank the previous year, with yangyang and shotaro falling victim when they unknowingly lingered a bit too long under the bundle of leaves. after this second round, everyone humorously dashed through the kitchen entrance whenever they needed to go in and made sure not to linger at the entrance.

chenle would never pass up a good prank, and the mistletoe was apparently funny enough for him to carry into this year, but he must have been more drunk than you thought to have forgotten that he put it in the exact same place. you felt stupid for letting your guard down.

yangyang whistles, obviously delighted at his chance for revenge, not caring who gets caught in the crossfire. he sucks in a deep breath before beginning the familiar grating chant.

“kiss! kiss! kiss!”

giselle, jaemin, and mark take notice, too, and it’s only a matter of seconds before they join in on the fun.

you feel like a deer caught in the headlights, eyes wide as you shake your head at them, throwing your hands up in an “x.” you look at chenle who’s also in the same boat, regretting so deeply that he ever set this up to begin with.

“no, no, no, no,” he refuses, but the crowd grows and each second of peer pressure weighs on him heavily.

like you said, chenle is not one to back down. you know your friend too well—he’d never live it down if he didn’t hold himself to the same stupid games he required of everyone else, and when he plants his hands on your shoulders, you can tell he’s conflicted.

“is this okay?” he asks, and for a second you actually consider saying yes to end this predicament as soon as possible.

but you’re left with no room to entertain that thought as a slightly clammy, rough hand wraps around your wrist, yanking you from chenle’s grasp.

you’d know it anywhere.

you’re met with the sight of your best friend’s back, his fluffy hair now tucked under a cozy black beanie—one you gave him last year before everything went down. he storms angrily with wide shoulders through the small gathering of friends, whose chants have turned into gasps and oooooh’s. you catch a bit of a mixture of excited squeals and screams behind you once the two of you are out of sight.

you’re grateful that hyuck gave you a way out of that situation, but now you’re in an arguably worse place, faced with the man you’ve been avoiding all night. you get a whiff of his usual cologne, and it’s tinged with the slightest hint of weed.

chenle was right, he was out there smoking without you, and that actually hits you harder than you thought it would. it stings even though you were the one keeping your distance.

yes, being with him in this setting brings up the throbbing in your heart that you’ve buried for the past year, but being apart from him during what’s supposed to be another fun memory for the two of you hurts just as much.

he leads you outside, your body shivering as it meets the cold air, dragging you along by the wrist. he opens the passenger side door of his car.

“get in,” he says gruffly, and for some reason, only now do you feel the need to challenge him.

“why?” you ask, a hint of sass to your tone. he seems shocked at your questioning, sputtering a bit.

“i need to talk to you!” he insists, shiver running down his spine as the cold starts to set in.

“can’t we just talk out here?” you bite back. hyuck has technically done nothing to warrant this behavior from you, but you’re panicking.

“it’s cold as fuck! you’re acting like you didn’t ride this same car here today—are you scared of me or something?” he questions, exasperated at your sudden stubbornness.

but you’re not scared of him—you could never be scared of hyuck.

you’re scared of what you might say, what he might say, and what the outcome of the conversation that will inevitably take place in that car might be. you’re scared that it will mess up everything you tried so hard to keep normal—whatever normal is between the two of you now.

his glaring eyes soften as he reads yours, seeing and sensing your distress. you’re his best friend, too, after all.

“please?” he asks again, softer this time. “it’s really, really, cold. you’ll get sick..” your heart lurches.

you know he’s right, and it almost angers you how easily you give in, sliding into the seat wordlessly. he closes the door and shuffles to the back of his car. you hear him click open the trunk, grabbing something before slamming it shut and darting to the driver’s side door.

as he rushes in, he tosses a red plaid blanket onto you, letting out a high pitched sigh at his escape from the cold and rubbing his hands together to warm them. he’s always kept an emergency blanket back there for you knowing your distaste for the cold, but you almost want to shove it back in his face.

a shiver rushes through you, silencing anymore stubborn thoughts, and you unravel and drape it over yourself. you direct your attention to his window, the christmas decorations on chenle’s lawn seeming very interesting in this moment.

“so what’s this all about?” he finally speaks up.

“what do you mean?” you feign ignorance, but of course hyuck does not buy it.

“oh, you don’t know? just the way you’ve been avoiding me since the second we walked into this house?” he glares at the back of your head. “the way you won’t even look at me?” he seethes, and you can’t even deny that, turning and finally bringing yourself to lay your eyes on him.

in contrast to his angry tone, his expression is so sad. you don’t ever think you’ve seen him like this, and the fact that you’re the reason for it could make you cry. but you’re sad, too, and you don’t know what to do about it.

“you didn’t do anything, i’m just—” you scour your mind for any excuse, “—not feeling the best.”

he looks at you with his eyebrows raised, brows furrowing at your obvious lie.

“well, you looked fine a second ago,” he spits angrily. “you know, with chenle and all that..”

you almost forgot that hyuck rescued you from what could have been a very uncomfortable experience, but wait—what does he mean? you weren’t fine at all, but if you seemed to be fine to him, why did he take you away?

“what..?”

“you seemed to be ready to kiss him! i get it’s a prank, but are you okay with just kissing anyone?” he takes his beanie off and tosses it onto his dashboard, running his hands through his hair frustratedly. “don’t tell me you have a thing for him or something?”

you’re silent for a moment, not understanding where this conversation is going. “why are you mad?” you ask, heat building in your chest. you’re not sure what it is.

“why wouldn’t i be?” he looks at you. “you’re obviously avoiding me, but you won’t tell me what’s wrong, and now i find out you have something going on with chenle? that’s news to me..” his hands grip the steering wheel tightly. “you’re my best friend—we don’t keep things from each other.”

your chest feels like it might burst, all emotions you’ve tried to suppress for the past year—no, years now—bubbling to the surface. you’ve kept so much from him, and you’ve had enough. you did your best to convince yourself things were normal, that everything was okay, but they’re not.

the reality of that hits you square in the chest, sending words tumbling out before you can push them down.

“i don’t want to be just your best friend, hyuck..” his gaze shifts to one of alarm, taking offense.

“wh-”

“i like you, you fucking idiot,” you blurt out angrily, stopping him in his tracks. his mouth drops, words lost on his tongue.

“there’s nothing going on with chenle—i didn’t want to kiss him, i wanted to kiss you!” your hands are trembling at this point. “i wanted to kiss you last year— the year before, and before that. i still want to this year.” your hands ball into fists as you try to keep a grip on yourself.

“i want to kiss you, i want to hold you, i want you to hold me- and not like a best friend does.” you bring your face to your hands, covering your eyes as you pray that no tears form.

“that stupid mistletoe showed me that you don’t feel the same, and i just couldn’t keep it together being in the same exact place as last year..” your words trail off, your train of thought drifting as soon as you feel your nose sting, your eyes welling up.

your chest still burns, frustration and regret filling it. yet there’s a cathartic feeling along with it, letting the feelings you kept for so long free. hyuck is at a loss for words at your confession, and the frustration takes hold.

“can you say something? anything?” you plea, aggravated by his silence.

you hate that hope still lingers, whispering that he just might prove you wrong. you need him to tell you that you fucked everything up, that your relationship will change forever.

“i don’t know what to say..” he finally replies, and disappointment floods your system. you already knew this was gonna be a disaster, but you can’t take this anymore.

you need to get out of there.

you shake your head, a few tears escaping your eyes, and reach for the door handle, intending to escape back into the house, or your place, or who knows where. anything would be better than this.

“WAIT!” a long arm juts out, and hyuck leans over the center console of his car, holding the car door shut with wide eyes. “don’t just leave, what the hell?”

“i need to if you’re not gonna say anything after i just poured my heart out to you!”

“i’m sorry—wait, i’m processing!” he stubbornly holds onto the door handle, and you glare at him. “i’m just- i’m a little high, just give me a second.” you scoff at his reply, feeling a bit of pettiness emerge.

“yeah, i bet that blunt tasted so good without me.” you know you must sound childish, but you can’t help it, hoping your attitude will dissuade him from preventing you from leaving.

he scoffs, rolling his eyes. “you were avoiding me!” his irritated tone returns, and his hold on the door handle slackens. immediately you take advantage of the opening, clicking the door open.

before you can open it any further, he grasps your hand closest to him, squeezing desperately.“don’t go.”

the look in his eyes is pleading, and any resolve you had to leave melts immediately. “please, __.” the way he says your name makes your heart lurch once more—so much so that it takes the fight right out of you.

you pull the door shut.

you stay like that for a few minutes, and he shifts to interweave his fingers with yours, taking time to process his thoughts. your heart is beating out of your chest, but the rhythmic stroking of hyuck’s thumb over yours calms you enough to stay put.

“so you’re telling me you’ve been holding this in the whole year?” he asks, sounding of slight disbelief. you nod silently, just wanting to hear what he has to say.

“well,” he starts. “i think i have a lot to apologize for.”

apologize? he apologized for the kiss right after it happened, so what could it be now? for not returning your feelings? you wish he’d pull the trigger and get it over with. his thumb stops its movements as he squeezes your hand even tighter.

“i’m sorry for the way i played it all off, and that i didn’t notice you were suffering alone all this time.” you shake your head and try to deny it—after all, you were the one who chose to keep it in, but he continues.

“i’m sorry for getting angry earlier and not understanding where you were coming from. and i’m sorry again for putting you in an uncomfortable situation last year, even if it was uncomfortable for a different reason than i thought.”

the tears start to well again. just when you start to feel like you can predict where this conversation is going to go, he pulls your hand toward him, bringing it between both of his and looking straight into your eyes. your breath catches in your throat.

“but most of all,” he clears his throat and swallows, and you brace yourself for his next words. “i’m sorry for being too much of a coward to tell you that i wasn’t actually sorry for that kiss. that i wanted—no, want—to kiss you, too.” he brings your hand to his lips, leaving a soft, feathery peck on the back of it. your jaw drops in shock.

“i got so caught up in not wanting to compromise our friendship, i didn’t even stop to consider if that’s what you wanted. but i want to be so much more than best friends. i have for a while now, and i’m sorry you had to say it first.”

you can’t hold back anymore, sniffling as tears now fully glide down your cheeks, emotions pouring in the presence of the confession you resigned yourself to never having. all the doubts and excuses you made for your own affections seem to disappear into thin air.

he tugs you to him, holding you as best he can over his console.

“i’m so sorry,” he murmurs into your hair, stroking the back of your neck, letting your tears take their course. is this really happening?

his hands cup your face, pouting at the tears running down your face, and the feathery touches and warmth of his lips on your cheeks as he kisses your tears away tell you it’s all reality.

you lean into him comfortably, and he lets you stay as long as you need.

it’s almost pitch black outside aside from chenle’s brightly decorated house, and a little while passes before either of you say anything, your tears dried significantly. hyuck rubs your back before sitting back up in his seat.

”let me grab something. i’ll be quick okay?” hyuck assures, separating from you. though you don’t want to let him go, you nod, and he exits the car quickly, rushing back inside the house. you close your eyes and lean back in the passenger seat, feeling exhausted yet so, so much lighter.

you almost start to doze off when he rushes back in, letting out a trill as he shakes off the cold. “everyone’s playing rage cage, i don’t even think we’re on their minds at all,” he laughs. you’re glad, but you know you’ll have a lot of explaining to do later. at least your explanation will be a happy one.

“they were right by the kitchen door, though, so i had to improvise,” he huffs, digging through his pocket. “i think we need a do-over.”

he pulls something from his pocket wrapped in a tissue, and when he unravels it, the sight elicits a hearty laugh from your very core at his creative solution for the lack of mistletoe.

dangling from his fingers is a red string tied around a bud the size of your palm, its pungent herby smell hitting your nose.

“where the hell did you even get that?” you ask between fits of laughter.

he grins, chuckling along with you. “the weed’s part of chenle’s christmas gift. shh, he doesn’t have to know.” he laughs, pressing a finger up to his mouth. he smiles adoringly at your resulting giggles.

he hooks it up on his rear view mirror between the two of you, raising his eyebrows. “so?”

the feeling in your chest isn’t one that scorches anymore—it’s one as warm as him.

“you know we’re not technically under that,” you gesture to the “mistletoe,” wanting to tease him just a bit before giving in.

“well, i can’t hold it if i’m holding you.”

“you’re crazy.”

he leans in, murmuring under his breath. “yeah, crazy for you.”

you lean in as well, and this time you can commit his lips to memory—warm, slightly chapped, and perfect against your own.

one kiss turns into two, and it all feels too perfect, so much so that you continue to meet over and over again, getting hungrier and hungrier. you’re drawn to each other like magnets until he refuses to separate.

he leaves you breathless as the kisses deepen, a hand snaking around your waist to try and pull you closer, at which a soft sigh escapes your lips into his mouth. he separates with a dazed look in his eyes, his swollen plump lips inviting you back for more. you’re sporting a similar look, and he eats up the sight, gulping as he plans his next words carefully.

“you said you wanted me.. to hold you, right?” he asks, and you tilt your head at him. “did you mean like.. you know?” he bites his lip in anticipation, hand caressing your waist.

“’cause i really want to hold you right now.”

realization dawns on you on what he means, and you recall the words you said to him in your confession.

“i want to kiss you, i want to hold you, i want you to hold me- and not like a best friend does.”

and that still holds true, the warmth between your legs acting as a confirmation for you. you smile, slightly gnawing at the inside of your lip. you push back slightly, hands resting on his chest.

“yes. absolutely.”

“and you’re sure?” his smile matches yours.

“one-hundred percent.”

at your words hyuck springs up, opening his car door and racing to the back seat, opening it and climbing in just as quickly as he left. he pats his lap playfully.

“then get back here, pretty girl.”

he doesn’t have to ask you twice, and you push the blanket to your side as you scramble to join him in the back, his hands guiding you to hover over him. you don’t even care that you’re doing this in his car parked in front of your friend’s house—in this moment, you just want to feel him close to you.

your lips meet again, and his mouth moves over yours greedily. his tongue prods at yours shyly at first, but you quickly feel him bolden as he starts to explore your mouth. he pulls back with a thin string of saliva separating you, and you rest your forehead on his, in awe that he’s actually yours.

“by the way, you’re kind of hot when you’re angry,” he grins, craning his neck to kiss you.

“shut up..” you murmur into his lips, not even able to be annoyed as you let yourself melt back into him. if just kissing him feels this good, you wonder how the rest of this night will go, clenching around nothing. you shiver as his hands glide up your sides and his kisses move lower, ghosting his lips down your neck.

you want to feel him even more. you slowly lower yourself onto him, letting your clothed core meet the obvious hardening bulge in his pants. he lets out a mix between a groan and a sigh, his hands planting themselves firmly on your hips under your sweater.

you love knowing you’re affecting him, and you spread your legs wider, grinding down into him with a bit more force, feeling the vibrations of his low purrs over your skin. “f-fuck,” he groans, fingers digging into the plush of your hips, moving his own hips up to meet your movements.

he continues to kiss your neck, nipping every so often to hear more of the soft sounds escaping your lips. you roll your hips over him with more fervor, your hands threaded through his hair as he continues nibbling and sucking down your neck, undoubtedly leaving at least a couple of marks.

“hyuck,” you sigh as you continue your motions over him, and he hums into your neck, rubbing your hip to encourage you to speak, yet not wanting to separate his lips from you.

“i-i’ve wanted this for so long,” you moan out, and your words stop him in his tracks. he leaves one last love bite below your pulse, finally detaching his mouth from your neck with a wet popping sound.

“fuck— you have no idea.” he tightens his hold on your hips and presses himself harder into you. he snakes a hand into the back of your lounge pants, grabbing a fistful of your ass, squeezing firmly over your underwear as he guides you.

he shifts his hand, hooking it onto your underwear before tugging, and the friction and digging of the soaked cloth into your clit has you moaning out loud.

you pull your matching christmas sweater off and over your head, and he separates his hands from you to do the same with his own. just the feeling of his skin on yours has you reeling, reveling in the heat exuding from his body.

you attach your lips back to his, but he pushes your hips up and back, creating a gap between you two. you separate to question him, but he chases your lips, moving his hand down to cup your heat. you can feel your arousal sticking to your underwear, and you know he can feel it through your pants.

he grins into your mouth, separating to shoot you a teasing look. “god, you like me that much?”

even in this situation, he knows exactly what makes you tick, but you don’t have it in you to fight him, especially when he slides his hand past your waistband, down the front of your pants and underwear, parting your folds with his fingers. “hmm?”

you moan out as he prods his fingers around your folds, gathering your wetness on his digits. “a-ah, yes,” you cry out once his fingers start to circle your clit gingerly, eyes squeezing shut. his eyes are trained on every change of your expression with the movements of his fingers.

“like this, baby?” your thighs tremble as he continues, moving his slicked up fingers to your entrance. his middle and ring fingers poke at your hole, and your pussy clenches as if to try and trap them.

“more, hyuck, please,” you plea, and he’s more than happy to oblige, fucking his fingers into you bit by bit.

you grind against his hand, trying to push his fingers deeper into you, loving the way he stretches you out as he explores your plush walls. his fingers build up speed, aided by your dripping juices, and his palm grinds against your clit deliciously.

panting, you crack open your eyes, and you’re met with his lidded gaze. he looks at you like he wants to eat you whole and you clench around his fingers at the sight. his eyebrow quirks up curiously. “what are you thinking about, pretty?”

you pull your lips between your teeth, trying to formulate a sentence with his fingers pistoning in and out of you. “j-just feels so good, hyuck.”

his lips move over yours before you even finish his name, devouring you messily as he murmurs praises into your mouth. “fuck me- how’re you so fucking perfect.”

he continues to fuck his fingers into you, and you feel your stomach tightening, thighs threatening to give out at this point. “can you cum for me? c’mon pretty girl—for your hyuckie.”

he doesn’t even have to ask, already sending shocks down your spine with a curling of his fingers. you cry out as he hits a spot just right, moving your hips over his palm before you seize, mouth opening as you’re hurled into your orgasm.

he meets your lips once more, one hand still in your pants and the other guiding your hips coaxing you through your orgasm as he swallows your breathy moans.

you separate as you ride the aftershocks, catching your breath. “you okay?” you fall into his lap as he slips his hand from your pants, resting it on your thigh. he checks in on you, peering at your face for any signs of discomfort. you nod, taking a second to recover.

“i’m fine,” you start, but you can’t ignore the way his confined member pokes through his pants at your inner thigh. “but are you okay?”

he inhales sharply as you shift against it, but gives you a strained smile. “are you tired?”

you shake your head, lifting yourself fully off of him on shaky thighs, shimmying your pants and underwear off as best you can in the cramped space. if anything, you’re invigorated at the clear sign of his desire for you.

you tug at the waistband of his pants, assuring him that you want to keep going. “no- i want you to feel good, too.”

he lays his head back in his seat, groaning as he immediately slips his pants down his thighs to free his member. it slaps against his stomach, his tip angry and leaking.

you settle back over him, rolling your hips as his member slides between your slick, sensitive folds. your moans meld as his hips jerk against yours, coating his shaft in your juices. your cunt is so sensitive and you can feel your thighs burning, but this was a challenge you wouldn’t give up on.

you raise yourself, guiding his member to you waiting hole, and it’s your turn to watch as his expression changes. he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and gasps when the head of his cock catches your entrance. stuttered groans laced with higher moans leave his throat as you lower yourself onto him, inch by inch.

the stretch burns so deliciously, and your insides flutter around him as you try to take all of it, whimpering as you push him in deeper. his fingers bury themselves into the plush of your hips, trying to ground himself as you clench around him. “s-so fucking tight, baby.”

his words only serve to turn you on more, and by the time you sheath yourself over him completely, you already feel fucked out, holding his shoulders to steady yourself.

“y-yeah- yeah, want you to feel good, hyuck,” you repeat, using all of your strength to prop yourself up, pulling out to his tip before slamming yourself back down on him.

he feels the air leave his lungs, crying out at the sudden sensation. you continue moving yourself over him, again feeling the burn in your thighs more than ever, trying to stay focused even as you feel his cock reach so deep into you.

“so fucking perfect, so fucking perfect for me my pretty baby— a-ah shit,” he rambles, heaving and lost in the pleasure of your warm walls.

you try to keep a consistent pace spurred on by his moans, taking in the way he heaves out strings of jumbled curses and praises, but the way his tip reaches into your core makes your legs start to feel like jelly. even though you do your best to keep up the tempo, your speed falters.

even in his haze, hyuck senses your struggle and immediately takes over, gripping your hips tight enough to leave bruises and snapping his hips into you.

his harsh thrusts have you throwing your head back, and he sets a pace of his own, driving his cock so deeply into you. the whole car sways as the two of you rock into each other, harsh breathing, moans, and the sounds of skin on skin filling the space.

“god,” he moans, one hand leaving your hips momentarily to tug your head back to him, locking lips between gasps. he replants his hands, pounding into you at an even faster speed, his strength taking over as yours leaves you. “i’m not gonna last, fuck—give me one more, c’mon.”

you focus in on the drag of his cock through the grip of your walls, feeling the way he fills you up so perfectly, and it has you teetering over the edge. “y-yes baby, that’s it,” he encourages, sucking in a deep breath through clenched teeth as you pulse around him.

he brings you in for one last tender kiss, parting with the most adoring gaze you’ve ever seen in your life, warmth flooding his eyes as he looks at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

you feel the stinging sensation in your nose once again, suddenly emotional at the way you’re so sure he looks at you the same way you look at him. the proof is right in front of you.

“i love you,” he whispers, and that’s all it takes before you’re spasming over his cock, wrapping your arms around his neck, hugging him close to you as you cum for the second time that night.

he curses, helping you ride out your orgasm until he feels his own hips stutter. your pulsing threatens to milk him dry, and he pulls out at the last second, cum spurting over both of your lower abdomens, rutting against you to ride it out and empty himself.

his hands slither around your mid-section, holding you tightly to him as the two of you catch your breath, and his head falls to your shoulder, breathing harshly into your skin. your hands fall from his neck and you lean your head against his, both of you basking in your post-climax daze.

condensation fogs the car windows completely, and you don’t know how much time has passed. your clothes are scattered— matching christmas sweaters lie haphazardly thrown in the front, your pants strewn on the floor, the edge of your emergency blanket peeking between the seats.

he lifts his head and holds onto you, leaning forward slightly to tug at the blanket until it’s freed from where you left it tucked. he leans back again, wrapping the both of you in it as the chill settles back into the car at your stillness.

you focus on the feeling of hyuck’s warmth, one of his hands remaining anchored around you as the other falls to your thigh to absentmindedly massage the sore muscles.

“i love you, too,” you whisper, and he responds by peppering kisses along your chin. the two of you just sit there for a while, warming yourselves in each other’s embrace. you’re almost certain that your friends must be curious now about what’s going on, but you pay no mind to that thought.

“i’m so happy,” you beam, not even meaning to let the words leave your thoughts—they just slip out, a true indication that your joy is genuine and raw.

hyuck gives you a once over, taking in your disheveled appearance, lovestruck eyes, and overall glow even tucked in the cozy fabric—his look indeed mirrors your own. his eyes trace over you until they land back at your lips, to which he’s drawn again. his mouth meets yours tiredly, yet full of his passion for you.

“this is a good look on you,” he coos, moving a hand up to gently cup your face. you lean into his touch, taking in every sensation and storing it in your memories, still slightly in disbelief that you were wrong about everything—you never had to deny yourself of your affections.

“let’s ditch and go home, yeah?” he suggests, the goofy grin you’ve always known lighting his face.

your mind briefly flashes again to your friends. “you don’t think they’ll be mad?”

“they’ll understand,” he shrugs. “besides..”

his eyes look past you to the makeshift “mistletoe” still hung on his mirror, “you owe me a smoke session,” he chirps, chuckling to himself at his own antics.

“right, and you owe me for all this lost time,” you shoot back, meeting his playful look with your own. he kisses you again gently, unrestrainedly smiling against your lips.

“trust me, i’ll make it up to you until you forget there ever was lost time.”

a/n: late christmas fic!! thank you for reading <3 one last love letter to my favorite man to close out the year, and what a great year it has been :’) i never imagined this blog would grow as much as it did this past year. 2024 has solidified such a fun community and creative outlet in my life, and i’m so grateful for all of it!!!!! as always, special shout out to my bb and also someone i'm very grateful came to me in 2024 (technically) @wispyxjae for beta reading and being my #1 supporter!!!

we've built a hazyhome, and i love all of u my hazyhomies :3 (too corny? actually idc) thank you so much for an amazing year, and i can’t wait to see what 2025 brings. :D merry belated christmas and happy new year!!!

as always, shares and feedback are always appreciated :>

cw: FLUFF, smut, slight angst, non-idol!au, boss!johnny, weed/alcohol use, sex under the infuence, unprotected pinv sex (wrap it up!), soft/dom-ish big dick johnny, oral (receiving), fingering, slight manhandling (johnny’s a strong guy), dirty talk, breeding, multiple positions, overstimulation, scene of harassment/unwanted flirting (not johnny), not the most accurate depiction of a business/dispensary, pet names: baby, sugar, princess

-

you check your bank account for what feels like the 10th time in the past 2 hours, letting out a deep sigh at the thought of your savings dwindling down to nothing.

the laptop opened in front of you as you sit at your favorite cafe has too many tabs open, each one with a different job listing.

you were laid off 2 months ago and the thought of being let go still stings. sure, it wasn’t an easy job, but you called it home for years. you couldn’t help that the company was in the red, and while you aren’t in the red yet, you know you need a job soon.

you shut your laptop, deciding that being at the cafe isn’t as productive as you’d hoped it would be. what sounds better?

your living room couch and a blunt.

yeah, that’ll do it. that, or getting laid, and when was the last time that happened? you open a dating app on your phone at the thought, though you haven’t had much luck with matches on the web.

you exit the cafe as you scroll, replacing anxious thoughts of unemployment with thoughts of what type of flower you’ll be indulging in that night. you just picked up a pack of sativa pre-rolls earlier that week, and that’s sounding like the answer to your life’s problems at the moment.

before you can take any more steps past the building, pops of color on the cafe’s brick walls grab your attention. there are a few flyers posted, and as you scan them, one in particular stands out.

in bright green, the flyer clearly reads “weed expert needed,” along with a contact number and an address. while you wouldn’t call yourself an expert, you’ve smoked long and often enough to know quite a bit. most of your friends back in your college days were stoners, and it’s stuck with you through the years.

you look up the address, and its map listing shows a shop under the name “NCTeaHouse.” a bit confused, you double check. what could a teahouse need a weed expert for?

you close the dating app and quickly snap a picture of the flyer, dialing the number as you begin your walk home. half of you is calling out of the pure desperation for a job, but the other half is pure curiosity at the listing.

it rings a few times until a man picks up.

“NCTeaHouse. this is johnny speaking, how can i help you?” a smooth, polite voice rings through the speakers.

“hi, i’m calling about your flyer? about needing, um.. a weed expert?” you reply with uncertainty. “johnny” responds with a gasp.

“you’re interested in the job? that’s great!! can you meet at the address on the flyer? i’m here ‘til 7 and can tell you everything you need to know!” he explains excitedly.

you almost jump at the invitation, but you pause, realizing this is so different from your previous professional interactions. maybe corporate life has molded your expectations of an interview process, but better safe than sorry.

“would it be okay to meet tomorrow? some time during the morning or afternoon if you have any availability,” you request. you can sleep on it and make sure you aren’t getting scammed.

“yeah, that’s totally fine. is noon okay? i’ll have the shop closed for lunch,” he suggests.

you agree and say your goodbyes. as you head home, thoughts of your unemployment era coming to an end add an extra spring to your step.

the next day, you find yourself at the steps of a building that could pass as a house if you weren’t paying attention, having confirmed that NCTeaHouse is indeed a legitimate business after a few google searches, though most of the reviews mentioned an employee named “donghyuck,” not johnny.

the exterior of the building is very minimal but aesthetic, with vines running alongside the house’s entrance. you open the door, and the gentle chime of a bell alerts a man crouched behind the front counter.

as he stands to his full height, it takes everything in you to keep your jaw from dropping.

this man is gorgeous—easily over 6 feet with a short shaggy haircut, cheekbones that look sculpted by aphrodite herself, and tattoos on his arms exposed by his white tank top. he looks a bit older, but not by much.

“are you __?” his familiar voice snaps out of your admiration as you match the person you met over the phone to his physical self, composing yourself quickly despite your embarrassment at blatantly checking him out. if he noticed, he shows no sign of it, approaching with a friendly smile.

“nice to meet you in person, i’m johnny.” he reaches out a hand. “though you probably were expecting me.”

you politely give your own introduction, meeting his hand with your own in a firm handshake. it’s hard not to notice the way his hand almost completely envelops your own.

“there are some seats behind the counter, can you sit tight over there while i close up?” he asks.

“of course, take your time.” you walk over to the counter, taking in the store around you. it’s tiny, but warmly decorated, browns and earth tones dominating the space. you notice that the shelves and few displays in the middle of the shop are pretty empty, with only a few boxes here and there.

you take a seat and johnny joins you shortly after, pulling on a white button up over his tank top. you thank the universe for that, knowing it would have taken everything in you to keep your eyes from drifting having those tattoos up close.

though you wouldn’t mind seeing more of them after securing the job.

you internally slap yourself at the thought. stay. professional. even if your potential employer may be the most attractive man you’ve ever met, you can’t fumble now—not with your bank account flashing through your mind.

you may be bitchless and jobless, but this interview is to change only one of those things. the mental gymnastics do nothing for the tension in your body, nerves flaring at the need to impress and secure the job.

“so.. you’re a weed expert?” he asks. his eyes are locked on you and his gaze makes you feel so small. you practiced a bit last night for the interview, and you do your best to shake off your nerves and put that practice into work.

“i definitely know a good amount, and i’m very adaptable, so i can fill any knowledge gaps quickly,” you explain, pairing your rehearsed lines with your best professional tone.

his focused gaze immediately softens. “good, because i know nothing about that stuff,” he sighs in relief.

“huh?” your mouth drops slightly in shock, but you close it immediately.

it hits you then that you were so focused on getting a job, you don’t even know what exactly this job entails. johnny seems to take notice of your complete bewilderment, and realizes where he went wrong.

“oh!” he gasps, palm flying to his forehead. "yeah, that’s right. i should’ve started from the beginning, i got too excited.. my bad!” the laugh he lets out at himself is very endearing—it’s light and you can hear every individual “haha.” somehow, it calms your nerves despite the confusion.

“so welcome to NCTeaHouse,” he gestures around. “we sell coffee and tea mostly, but i decided i wanted to start a new business venture. do you ever buy from dispensaries?” he asks, and you think for a second.

the nearest one is an hour drive, so you really only go if you’re in the area. is it better to lie and say you’re a regular? it’s really been a while since you have, and you figure it’s better to tell the truth.

“there aren’t really any out here, so just occasionally if i’m out by one,” you explain. instead of the disappointed reaction you half-expected, his face lights up even more.

“exactly!” johnny exclaims, bringing his fist down on his lap lightly. “originally this shop stood for Neo Culture TeaHouse, but that ‘C’ is changing to cannabis from now on.”

putting aside the questionable original name, you think it’s a bit cheesy, but his genuine excitement is contagious.

“i’m planning to turn this place into a dispensary. try and make it a bit more accessible, you know?” he explains further, but catches himself.

“oh, but not to step on anyone’s toes—my cousin’s a plug and he says there aren’t as many out here as there used to be, so just as another option,” he explains.

his enthusiasm is a pleasant surprise, and you nod in understanding. it would be very convenient to have a dispensary around here, knowing that if your usual plug wasn’t around, you wouldn’t have to search for another trustworthy source.

“i’ve already worked out all the legal stuff, got the permits and suppliers all ready.” he continues.

“only thing is: i’m not really into weed, not that i don’t like it obviously. i just don’t have much experience with it—or tolerance. i’m more of nicotine guy unfortunately,” he slides a pack of cigarettes from his pocket slightly for emphasis before pushing it back in.

you suppress a giggle at that, but a smile lights your face. johnny’s eyes crinkle at your amused expression. “so that’s where you come in. i need someone to explain and advertise these products to our customers.”

you finally understand what he’s looking for, but you do have one question. “if you don’t mind me asking, didn’t you say your cousin was a plug? wouldn’t he also help?” you ask, and he shakes his head in response, letting out a sigh.

“that little shit got a girlfriend and refuses to work here any more than once or twice a week now, so the days without him i’m at a loss,” he sighs. “oops, ‘scuse my language,” he lets out his pretty laugh again, and you think you really could get used to the sound of it.

“so it’s pretty much just getting this place up and running with you?” you clarify, and he nods. honestly thinking about it, this is pretty ideal as it’s flexible enough to give you time to continue looking for a more long-term job.

“yeah, you and me. a team,” he smiles, and there’s something about the way he motions between the two of you that makes your heart flutter.

“oh, and for the pay, let me know if this works.” he hands you a paper, and as you rake over its contents, your eyes shoot open at what he’s offering. it’s your bank account that’s fluttering now.

“wait, really?” you ask incredulously. the starting pay is a notch above your previous salary, which you only reached after some years of experience with your old company.

he takes back the paper from you to see if he mistyped anything. “yeah? does it work for you?” he confirms.

it feels too good to be true, but who are you to not take an opportunity that’s fallen into your lap?

“if everything looks ok there, just initial in the box on the left and sign at the bottom,” he instructs. you take one last look—the terms are simple enough with no fine print.

you’re happy to sign, relieved at finally escaping unemployment with barely a hit to your salary and in something you might actually enjoy. you love weed, and you’d be more than happy making a living off a store that sells it. it has nothing to do with the shop’s eye candy of an owner.

"so when do i start?” you ask.

“well, the shipments start soon, can you come by friday? we can start planning out the store.” he reaches his hand out to shake yours once again, and you meet him eagerly.

“i’ll be here!”

friday can not come quick enough, and you arrive at the store, buzzing with ideas from the past few days of time off since the interview. you find yourself even more excited for the job than you were when you first met him.

the bell chimes as you walk in, seeing johnny inspecting some products in a cardboard box.

“good morning! how’d you sleep?” he asks cheerfully, placing down the products in his hands.

“pretty okay, and you?” you ask, noting he has slight bags under his eyes, especially apparent under the store’s lights.

“honestly, not too well. i can always nap later today, so let’s get it started!” there’s no hint of the tiredness showing on his face in his words, and johnny gives you the rundown.

he explains how the store is set to have its grand opening by the end of the following month, and it just needs some restructuring and advertisement. his cousin, who he affectionately calls “hyuck,” and his girl said they’d help with the advertising, so you and johnny will be in charge of the store logistics.

you nod in understanding as the two of you start to unpack the items from the cardboard boxes. “do you have any ideas for how we should set up the store? i was thinking of maybe just separating by brand?” he suggests. “i know some other spots do it like that.”

while that could be a good idea, your excitement jumps out as your ideas race to the front of your mind. “wait, i think i have a good vision for what might work better.”

johnny grins. “that’s what i like to hear…” his sentence trails off in a tired yawn. “shit, sorry. want some coffee first?”

he looks like he needs it. the fatigue you can clearly see on him is breaking through his lively demeanor, and you think you’d do well with some caffeine in your system as well. your excitement can wait a little. “i’d appreciate it.”

he beckons you to the back room, and you find that like the rest of the store, this room is also warmly decorated, simple with 2 couch chairs, a table with a coffee maker, and a tiny fridge with a small burner on top.

“take a seat, make yourself at home.” he starts to prepare his coffee as you choose one of the couch chairs to sit on. your old workplace used to house such a fast paced environment, so this slow start to your work day is definitely something new, yet more than welcome.

“want some sugar, sugar?” johnny asks jokingly, pouring the steaming liquid into two mugs. your eyes dart to him in shock, not at all expecting the affectionate name, and immediately he backtracks.

“sorry, too much?” his brows furrow in concern. “my buddies say i can be overly friendly, so please let me know if i ever overstep.”

being called “sugar,” of all things, by a handsome man shouldn’t have this much of an effect on you, but you can’t help the butterflies in your stomach. are you that affection-deprived?

maybe, but you’re learning that johnny might be dangerously as beautiful on the inside as the outside, adding self-awareness and consideration to his growing list of qualities. you decide the best way you can mask your inner turmoil is humor.

“just a little,” you reply, and he opens his mouth to apologize, but you cut in right away. “a little sugar, that is,” you grin, trying to match his earlier joking tone, and his brows relax at your reciprocation. “you’re good,” you assure.

the concern leaves his face entirely, nodding as a soft smile takes its place. you watch as he adds a bit of sugar into your cup and he slides it over before taking a long sip from his own, no sugar added. he sighs in satisfaction as you take a sip from yours as well, blowing lightly to cool it a bit.

“just the right amount, thank you, boss,” you sigh out, letting the hot coffee shake the last bit of sleep from you. he shoots you a glare.

“i am good at things like that, but never call me that again, it makes me feel old,” he jokes again with a playful pout. the laugh that leaves you at that is a hearty one from your stomach.

you don’t recall ever joking like this with anyone you worked with before, but for some reason it feels so comfortable to banter with johnny from the get-go.

“anyways, so what’s this layout you’ve got in mind?” he asks, finally settled with caffeine in his system.

immediately you fill with the excitement you walked in with and jump right away into your vision, explaining how you want to line the shelves not just by brand but by intention.

first timers? sample packs and beginner-friendly pens.

night out with the friends? sativa pre-rolls and maybe some infused drinks.

trouble with sleeping or anxiety? a good spread of indica gummies and maybe some herbal teas, just to tie it back to the store’s roots.

johnny must think he’s struck gold. at least that’s what you think with how his eyes sparkle at your suggestions, mouth open in awe at the thought you’ve put into this store. he nods along, simply listening to what you have to say.

it’s a pleasant feeling—to have his undivided attention, never once losing the focus he holds on you.

“i had some time since that interview day, and i don’t know—i guess i was thinking of what i’d like to see if i were in a dispensary.”

you go onto explain how people always tend to stick to one brand (something which you are also guilty of), but doing it like this could make it easier for newbies and a little fun for seasoned stoners who want to try something new.

once you reach the end of your rambling, you peer over to see johnny’s reaction.

immediately you’re startled by him shooting up to his feet, clapping his hands loudly with a wide smile on his face. you shy at his reaction, slightly embarrassed yet humored by his theatrics.

“you deserve a standing ovation for that one, really.” he settles back into the seat, chuckling at his own antics. “you’re amazing.. i’m honestly touched you put so much thought into all of this,” he praises endlessly.

“i’m good at what i do, what can i say?” you joke, once again hiding the feelings warming in your chest at the genuine appreciation. he laughs again, and you know for sure now you’d like to get used to the sound of it.

“you are. i can’t believe how lucky i got,” he muses, smiling warmly. “after we map some stuff out, want to get some lunch? on me of course—least i can do for the brain of our store,” johnny offers, patting you on the shoulder.

our store—the phrase lingers in your mind. you’re taken with the way that sounds and his friendly gestures that accompany it, the feeling of his affectionate pats lingering.

you think it might not be bad at all to spend some more time with him, even if you’re already spending the whole day. plus, you’d never turn down free food.

he’s definitely lucky to have hired you, but you find that the luck goes both ways as you fall into each other’s routines, both in and out of the store.

to say you’re enjoying your new job is an understatement. with preparations moving ahead of schedule, you brought up the idea of a soft opening to get some money flowing into the store and hopefully, a following for the grand opening. johnny agreed, and now you’re open 4 days a week with limited stock until the big day.

though it’s slow, it’s helped you and johnny work out the store operations, with everything working just as you both had planned, you helping explain and making suggestions to the customers and johnny doing quite literally everything else, while also listening in on your customer script.

johnny doesn’t treat you like you’re his employee—he respects your opinions and listens carefully before offering his own input. just as he’s made you comfortable, you find that your patrons also seem to feel the same way, with many comments praising the store’s relaxed and welcoming vibes.

time has passed by quickly, and you eventually find yourself only a few days from the grand opening. you feel pretty good about all of it, however, and you head home for the day, tired but satisfied with your work. you walk back into your apartment, taking in the stillness and sounds of only your footsteps.

you can’t help but let out a sigh at the solitude.

when was the last time you had someone to come back to, if ever? now that your problem of unemployment has disappeared, you’re faced with another problem—your love life.

you pull your pen out of your bag, taking a long hit before settling in. you already feel the tension dissipating in your body, but you can’t help the way your mind drifts.

you hadn’t had much time to think about it when you first started at the store, but now that you’ve settled into a routine, you can’t deny that it is a bit lonely.

your friends are either in other cities or busy with their own jobs and social spheres, and you’ve never had much luck in the love department. the last person you were seeing ended up being a total douchebag, and you just don’t know if you have it in you for random one-night stands after a few unsuccessful bouts.

you don’t want something temporary, either—you want to feel secure and taken care of.

there is someone who checks all of those boxes, coming in the form of a 6’2” man with the silliest jokes and the sweetest smile you see almost every day, but you quickly try to rid yourself of those thoughts.

you can’t lie to yourself—johnny is attractive, inside and out. these thoughts have invaded your head constantly since the day you met. it doesn’t help that, like he said, he’s very friendly, and the more time you spend with him, the more you see how good of a person he is.

you’ve never felt any sort of discomfort from him.

there’s only lingering warmth when he lays a gentle hand on your lower back when passing behind you, butterflies in your stomach every time his hand hovers by your head when you bend down making sure you won’t hit anything on the way back up, tears in your eyes and a sore stomach from every joke or random bit he’ll be on.

as you take a few more hits, your memories replay all the moments you’ve had with him before falling to the week before on a particularly slow day. most of your customers were pleasant or blunt, but none of them had given you a hard time until that day.

you and johnny had been restructuring your displays when he got a notification on his phone. he pulled it up only to gasp, and you looked at him curiously.

“shit, i forgot i have to pick up those banners today,” he sighed, running his hands through his hair. with the grand opening coming, johnny had been a little more stressed than usual, and it was unlike him to be forgetful when it came to this stuff.

“it’s super slow right now, i can watch the store while you go pick it up,” you offered. since the store was only open a few days a week, johnny was always there, so you’d never been by yourself. it would just be an hour or two though, so you reasoned it would be fine.

johnny looked a bit conflicted, looking out the window and checking the time on his phone. “well, it’s still sun out and i won’t take too long.. i’ll go super quick, if that’s okay with you?” he questioned sincerely.

you laughed at his concern, but appreciated it nonetheless. “i’ll be fine, johnny, take your time,” you assured.

he patted you on the shoulder affectionately, a habit you’d grown accustomed to in your time with the store. “you’re the best, really,” he cooed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders in a brief hug.

“call me for anything!” he called out while rushing out the door, leaving you to reflect on just how comfortable the two of you had become.

you knew he was friendly, but was he that friendly with everyone? if so, how does he not have a line of people falling deeply in love with him? maybe he does.

not that you were in love with him, of course. you scrolled on your phone trying to distract from those thoughts, as if your body wasn’t trying to remember the way his arm felt around your frame.

luckily, a chime at the door signaled a customer, aka the perfect distraction. he was tall, but not as tall as johnny, and pretty friendly looking.

he browsed the shelves before coming to you sporting a warm smile. “hi, do you guys have any triple y batteries?” he asked, pulling out what you assume is his old pen. you recognized the brand and happily pulled one for him, ringing him up after recommending a few more products.

you could feel his gaze on you as you entered the products into your register, but you continued on, trying not to read too much into it.

“hey, i think i need one more thing,” he cleared his throat as you looked up at him.

“sure, what is it?” you asked, unsure why there was a feeling of discomfort rising in the back of your neck. he smirked, a completely different look from his earlier friendly countenance, and leaned onto the counter.

“your number.”

oh.

see, you were looking for love, but something about him reminded you of all the assholes you had the misfortune of being entangled with in the past.

you couldn’t help that you were always in johnny’s presence, making most other men look like mosquitos, but the feeling of ick from this customer told you that it’s definitely your intuition trying to tell you something.

“um, i’m married..” you quickly lied. you’re still not sure why marriage was the first lie to come to mind, but you always assumed it was more effective than just saying you were in a relationship.

you were on autopilot, hands moving quickly to get his final total added up so he can get the hell out of there. he seemed to understand and handed you a couple bills after you told him his total.

once you reached out to hand him his change, you gasped as a rough hand grabbed yours, the bills falling to the floor.

“hey, that tall guy who’s usually here, that’s him, right? your husband?” he questioned, and you froze, entirely lost at what was happening. “he doesn’t have to know.”

feelings of dread ran through you at this point, wondering why now of all times you had to be by yourself and wanting nothing more than to slap him across the face. “i’m not interested, okay? you need to le-”

“can i help you?” a deep voice rang out in the store. in your exchange, you did not notice johnny slip back in, but you could’ve cried in relief at his timing. he stood tall, looking down at the customer with a nasty glare. he looked extra intimidating in all black, tattoos peeking out from his shirt.

immediately the man clammed up at the sight of johnny towering over him, letting your hand go as he grabbed his goods.

“no, it’s n-nothing, sir! just on my way out,” he exclaimed, trying to rush past your aggravated boss. johnny looked like he wanted to say something to him, but instead turned his attention fully to you as the guy dashed out the door, his change still scattered on the floor around you.

he moved swiftly and locked the storefront, changing the sign to “closed” before meeting you behind the counter. “hey, are you okay? what happened?” he asked worriedly.

“i’m fine.. just a guy who couldn’t take no for an answer,” you grumbled, still trying to shake the icky feeling from your being.

“…fucking bastard,” johnny muttered under his breath, pulling you into a tight hug. you’d hugged before maybe a handful of times, but always the brief hugs like you shared earlier.

it was a new feeling and being wrapped in his warm arms made any grossness vanish in an instant.

“i’m so sorry, i should’ve just taken you with me…” he apologized, voice tinged with a mixture of sadness and anger. though shocked by the embrace at first, you ended up wrapping your arms around him, too, taking in his warm, musky scent with the slightest hint of cigarette.

“it’s okay, i had it handled,” you mused, trying to diffuse the situation, yet you couldn’t deny it was terrifying in the moment. “you came at the perfect time.. and at least he bought a bunch of stuff,” you continued to joke, but his arms just tightened around you.

“i’m never leaving you in the store by yourself again. i’d rather not get any sales than get some from creeps like that,” johnny declared. “you don’t have to worry about anything, i’ll kick his fucking ass if i ever see him again.”

his uncharacteristic aggression was very sweet, and it all dispelled any worries about that customer. any repulsive feelings were completely overtaken by the fluttering in your insides.

it was no help to your already questionable state when it came to where your affections lie, and it’s still no help remembering it even now. in fact, the feelings are only amplified.

you’ve always been pretty independent, but there’s no denying the warmth that comes with johnny’s care. that creep misunderstood your lie, but you can’t help but wonder—do the two of you look like a married couple?

you never really thought of marriage as a priority in your life, but with a husband like johnny, maybe it doesn’t sound so bad. responsible, financially stable, funny, and a sight for sore eyes—he’s everything.

oh, you’re more down bad than you thought. it was bad enough how much you thought about dating him, but jumping straight to marriage? a wave of embarrassment washes over you as if you have an audience for your thoughts.

if you had met him under other circumstances, maybe you’d try to pursue something, but at the end of the day, he’s your boss.

you try to clear your head with a few more hits and a long, hot shower, changing into your night clothes and settling into bed before pulling out your phone. you open up a dating app on your phone, untouched since the day you called johnny for the first time.

you browse through a few people, at this point mildly high, mindlessly matching with a couple of them with no expectation of actually carrying out a conversation.

as you swipe past a few, a familiar face stops you dead in your tracks, and your mouth drops as you start to scroll through the profile to make sure it’s not somehow a weed-induced hallucination.

john - 29 - casual

there’s no mistaking it—your daydreaming must have brought you to johnny’s dating profile. he’s on the apps, looking for something. and he’s looking, alright.

all the pictures he has are mouthwatering, and as you reach the last one on his profile, a picture slightly showing off his tattoos, you’re reminded of how you couldn’t keep your eyes off of them when you first met. you catch yourself unconsciously staring when he has them out to this day.

you know you shouldn’t, but you adjust to try and zoom in on the photo with the tattoos. everything seems to move in slow motion as you feel your hand cramp, panicking as your phone slips. you fumble to catch it before you can feel its impact flat on your face.

you catch it, but at what cost? a change on your screen shows that a selection has been accidentally made in the panic. your heart drops, and johnny’s profile disappears as a notification takes its place.

like sent.

the next time you head into work happens to fall on the day before the grand opening, and nerves run through your system at the thought of seeing johnny.

you don’t think you’ve ever moved faster than you did when you deleted the app after your blunder, and you can only hope that johnny didn’t see the notification before you did so.

when you arrive at the store, you peer inside, noting that the lights are off. you double check your messages. you had agreed on 9 a.m. as the start time, and there was never a day he wasn’t there before you.

your nerves turn into worry as you call him to check in, each round of ringing adding to the concern.

“hello?” he finally picks up, sounding like he’s just waking up. you sigh in relief.

“johnny, are you okay?”

“oh shit. fuck. sorry i’m coming right now..” his voice is hoarse and low, and he hangs up before you even respond. you were not expecting to hear his deep morning voice, but you’d be a liar if you said it wasn’t welcome.

you raise your hands to your face, rubbing lightly at your eyes as you are again attacked by the embarrassment of the dating app slip up.

all of a sudden, the lights flash on in the store, startling you, and johnny bursts through the door, hair sticking out in all different directions. he’s dressed comfortably in a sweatpants and hoodie set, and you know for a fact he just woke up.

“sorry, i had such a late night last night, i slept through all my alarms,” he sighs. you chuckle, shaking your head at a rare instance of seeing the clumsy side of such a seemingly perfect man.

however, you can’t help but remember your discovery from the night before, wondering what he might’ve been doing the night before. or who.

“no worries, we’ve all been there,” you assure, jealousy taking the place of embarrassment bit by bit. with another look at his haggard state, though, you calm yourself.

he hasn’t said anything about the sent like, so maybe he didn’t see it. maybe he’s not even active on that app with how busy things are at the store.

you can only hope so. you shift gears, turning your attention to the store.

you take a look around at the the once sparse shelves, now fully stocked and ready. johnny’s silent, and you can see that he’s a little zoned out.

“johnny?” you call out, startling him from his daze.

“oh, uh. sorry, i’m still waking up,” he says sheepishly. taking in his signs of exhaustion, any thoughts of the night before return to concern over his condition.

“coffee?” you offer, knowing that he definitely hasn’t had his daily dose.

“yeah! i’ll make some..” he starts as the two of you make your way to the back room, but you stop him.

“you sit down, i’ve got it,” you insist, knowing your way around the store and all its amenities now like the back of your hand. johnny’s too exhausted to even try to stop you, and he plops down on a chair, running his hands through his hair.

you peek at him from the corner of your eye. you’ve never seen him in this state, and it seems to go beyond just physical fatigue. you quickly brew 2 cups of coffee, adding a little sugar into yours and leaving his black before setting them down by him.

“everything okay?” you ask, taking the seat next to him as you always do, the seat starting to feel like it belongs to you. he receives the coffee gratefully and takes a careful sip before responding.

“yeah, thanks for asking..” johnny sighs, running a hand to smooth his mussed hair. he takes another sip of his coffee, seeming to be in an internal debate. “well, kind of.”

“kind of?” you ask, concern only growing at his abnormal silence. there’s definitely more than what meets the eye, but you don’t want to push, seeing him so conflicted. you just wait, letting the silence settle until he’s ready to break it.

“is it okay if i dump a bit?” he asks, eyes unmoving from his mug. there really is something going on with him.

“of course,” you urge him on. “anything you want.” his gaze moves to meet yours, and in this lighting you can see how bloodshot his tired eyes are.

“to be honest, i couldn’t sleep last night because i was feeling a bit anxious for tomorrow..” he thinks a bit more before continuing. “i think this is my first time doing something where i’m not 100% it will succeed.” he looks down at his hands, interlocking his fingers.

“what do you mean by that?” you ask.

“well, not to sound like a prick, but i feel like i’ve always been so sure of myself.” he chuckles heartlessly to himself, shaking his head as he continues. “i always had something else as a backup, even when this store was just a tea house. was in a pretty good position at a big company.”

you nod wordlessly, giving him the space to continue.

“i remember the very first time i got high, it was so fun. i felt like everything was lifted off my shoulders,” he explains.

“i jumped on this idea when hyuck came back from a dispensary one day, but sometimes i feel a bit stupid for dropping everything and pushing this whole dispensary thing when i can barely handle an edible,” he puts his face in his hands, muttering to himself.

you ponder a bit on his feelings, wondering what the right thing to say would be. you can’t say you’ve been in the same boat, but you can see the pressure he puts on himself to succeed despite his relaxed demeanor and quiet confidence.

you may not know the right thing to say, but you hope you can cheer him on even just a bit.

“well, for starters, you aren’t stupid,” you assert. he lifts his head from his hands and meets your eyes. “and i think it’s good to feel all the uncertainty.”

“good?” he looks genuinely confused, but you continue.

“yeah, i guess that just means that one—you’re putting work into something important for you, and two—you’re challenging yourself to do something new. that’s really admirable, johnny.” your honest thoughts spill out, and his face goes from shocked to bashful.

“…you think so?” he mumbles.

“i know so. you don’t even like weed that much yourself, but all the effort you’re putting into this? i don’t know anyone else who is as hardworking as you.” you ramble on, not even focused on making him feel better anymore, just expressing your honest feelings.

“oh, and don’t think i don’t see how you’ve been learning, i see it when you help the customers even without my help,” you continue, recalling your observations.

all tension in him dissipates as he takes in each word of praise.

his gaze is impossibly soft, holding onto every movement and word, and he’s silent for a bit. you finally snap out of your daze, now aware of how much you rambled. when he opens his mouth again, it seems he’s back to being himself as the corner of his lips lift.

“hey, i do like weed,” he jokes. you scoff at his quick return to the jokes.

“hey, coping with humor is my thing. i’m serious, you know?” you scold, but you can’t help but smile at his change in demeanor.

“yeah, i know.” he takes your hand into his, running his thumb back and forth. his eyes flit up to meet yours, and he beams, calling your name gently. “thank you so much. i really don’t think i could’ve done this without you.”

there’s a warmth that spreads in your chest, and for once, you let it, squeezing his hand tugging him to his feet with you. “probably not, but that’s what i’m here for. now let’s get ready!!”

you don’t see the tender look johnny gives you as you move past him to make your way out to the floor, but he quickly joins you to finish up the last few preparations for the grand opening.

as the hours fly by and the day turns to night, to say you’re spent by the time everything is done is an understatement.

you’re just packing your bag to head home as johnny closes up the store. “can i treat you to dinner? you deserve it,” he asks, but you can hear the fatigue in his voice. you’ve lost count of how many times he’s treated you to a meal, and you know now is not the time.

“i’m okay, johnny. how about you order some delivery to make sure you eat and rest up for the big day?” johnny frowns at your words.

“i’m fine, i’ll sleep right after. i really want to do something for you,” he insists, almost pleading you with his eyes. you sigh, grabbing your keys.

“i’ll take you up on that dinner tomorrow, after everything’s done. we can celebrate.” you don’t leave any room for negotiation, and johnny relents. he lets you go with just a little pout.

as you make your way back to your apartment, you can’t help but reflect on how close you’ve gotten with johnny.

the way he opened up to you today really showed a different side to him, you’d be stupid to think that it doesn’t just add to your undeniable attraction to him, inside and out.

you can still feel the way his warm hand caressed yours, and his words replay again and again.

“i really don’t think i could’ve done this without you.”

you know you’ve become an important person to the store, and maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but you hope you can be just as important to him.

the grand opening comes, and johnny meets you at the shop along with his cousin, the donghyuck you’ve heard so much about. when johnny said the younger man would handle advertising, he really meant it, as there’s a steady stream of people coming in from the get go.

johnny gets some music playing, and you barely get to talk to him and donghyuck before a crowd of customers kicks off the big day.

each group of customers that come in is so unique. you even see one of your old coworkers, and that encounter is a reminder of the stark difference between your previous job and now. who knew you would be having so much fun when you signed up to do this?

another familiar face comes through the door, and you squeal with joy seeing one of your friends. johnny watches you from the entrance, acting as both security and crowd control. he smiles at the sight of you enjoying yourself.

the day comes to a close with much success, many of your products actually selling out, if not coming close to. it’s dark outside at this point, and johnny closes up the store, patting you and hyuck on the back.

“we did it!!! let’s get some food, maybe a drink or two. on me!” johnny is completely different from the ball of anxiety he was yesterday, and the sight brings you joy. hyuck’s energy is the complete opposite.

“no thanks, gotta get back to my girl tonight,” hyuck rejects bluntly, grabbing his bag and keys. though you didn’t get to speak to him much due to the busy day, you get the impression he isn’t much of a talker.

to your surprise, he turns to you before he rushes out, speaking lowly so that only you can hear.

“don’t let him work you too hard, he’s got a record of taking advantage of talented, hardworking people,” he whispers. you laugh at his warning, getting that he’s referring to himself, but you know it’s coming from a good place. johnny raises an eyebrow at this, unable to hear it from where he is.

“don’t worry, i really like working here. thanks, donghyuck,” you whisper back. he nods, faint smile on his face as he makes his way to the door.

“i’m not worried, see ya,” he calls out, and in a flash he’s gone. you and johnny are left in the empty shop, music still playing quietly in the store.

“what was that about?” johnny asks, crossing his arms with a pointed look. “talking shit?” he nudges you playfully with his elbow. you laugh and shake your head.

“none of your business,” you tease, and before he can retort, your stomach growls. johnny’s pout immediately turns to a laugh as he comes to you.

“you must be starving, princess, let’s get you some food.” that’s a new nickname, and it stirs another kind of feeling in your stomach you’re barely able to ignore. while you are hungry, you’re also so tired, and you know johnny’s in the same boat just by looking at him.

little do you know, he can also read you.

“i did promise dinner, but would you want to order some takeout and eat here? maybe in the back?” johnny asks. “i’ll order anything you want.”

to be honest, going out to a restaurant sounded like a drag after the hectic day. his offer sounds ideal, but on top of a delicious meal, you’re craving for something else first.

“i’m down for takeout, but would you mind if i smoked a bit? not gonna lie, all this weed talk today had me itching to.” johnny accepts immediately.

“of course! pick anything you want from the shop.” you always had your own supply of weed, never having to get your hands on the store’s until now.

“employee discount?”

“100% off,” he clarifies, smile widening at your surprise.

“are you sure?” you ask. you wouldn’t usually turn down free weed, but you didn’t want to make it a habit, or you know you’d run the store dry. johnny thinks for a bit.

“hmm.. how about you let me smoke with you and we call it a deal,” he offers instead. thinking about it now, it’s interesting how you haven’t already smoked together in the time you’ve known him.

you never asked, knowing his interesting relationship with weed, but you realize this may be a great idea; you’ve always wondered what a high johnny would look like.

“just don’t say anything if i’m a bit weak, okay?” he says as seriously as possible, and you’ve spent enough time with him to know that he’s at least half-serious about that.

“no promises.”

“hey!”

after a bit of back and forth, johnny calls a nearby take-out place for some dinner while you make your selections from the store’s inventory.

you take your picks and head to the back patio, having everything set up even before johnny’s finished ordering. you’d been out here a handful of times, but it all feels so different with the warm patio lights illuminating the couches.

your admiration is cut short as a buzzing on your phone alerts you, and a familiar name comes up on your phone.

“hello?” your old supervisor of your previous job is on the phone. it’s late, but for some reason you have a gut feeling about what this might be about. after you exchange pleasantries he gets straight to the point.

“our company has recently gotten more shareholders, so we’ve been reaching out to former staff to see if you were seeking re-employment with the company. of course, with a pay increase.” he explains.

honestly, your plan to look for other jobs flew out the window the second you stepped into your first day of work at store, and you didn’t plan to leave anytime soon, as long as johnny would have you.

“you were one of the first people we wanted to call, so please take our offer into consideration,” he requests.

99% of your brain tells you to turn him down, but you’re too tired and hungry to make a decision then and there.

“can i let you know sometime this week? i’ll call you.” you’ll figure it out when you have your energy back.

he agrees and you hang up just as johnny joins you outside, letting you know the food should be there within the hour. you glance at him to see if he heard your conversation, but he makes no indication that he has.

it’s no big deal, especially since you’re most likely turning down the job offer anyways.

“shall we get this started?” you ask a bit mischievously, with a lighter in one hand and the blunt in the other.

“go easy on me, princess,” johnny chuckles, grabbing the lighter from your hand. “i got you.”

you shoot him a look, but he just nods and waits patiently with the lighter held up, so you allow him to light it for you. you watch as the tip of your perfect little pre-roll catches on fire, the orange glow of the embers burning into a ring.

you inhale as johnny retracts his hand, savoring the first taste of your favorite form of stress relief after such a long 2 days. johnny’s eyes stay on your form the entire time, not missing a single step of your first hit. he watches you, awestruck, and talks once you start to blow out the smoke.

“damn, you make that look delicious..” he comments, and you nod in response as you take another, repeating the same steps. his eyes don’t leave you even as you go another round.

“it is,” you finally respond, smoke escaping your lips as you offer the blunt to him. “your turn?”

he seems to take it in for a second, eyes locked with yours until he eventually reaches for the blunt and brings it up to his own mouth. there’s something so intimate about sharing a blunt in this moment, even if you’ve done it many times with your friends before.

you watch as he inhales a bit, before blowing it out right away. you suppress the giggle that threatens, remembering his request from earlier. you’re a bit loosened up now, however, and what’s the harm in having a little fun?

“johnny, it’s not a cigarette, hold it in for a bit!” the giggles you tried to hold back leave you anyways.

“hey, you said wouldn’t say anything,” he complains, and you laugh in response.

“i literally said no promises.” he rolls his eyes, taking another hit and doing just as you told him to do. his throat catches, and he coughs a bit, slightly embarrassed. you just meet him with a smile and wave, encouraging him to take another.

this is yet another side to johnny that you haven’t seen, and you’re eating up every second of it, happy knowing this sight belongs to only you. at least for now.

the blunt makes its way back and forth a few times, johnny still occasionally coughing in-between, all the stress of the day fading with the smoke dissipating around the two of you.

the food comes at some point, and the both of you scarf down the food, everything tasting a thousand times better than usual and rejuvenating your tired body.

you talk about everything that happened that day, from each out of the ordinary customer to the way you handled the rush. you just can’t help but revel in the sense of pride you have at the fruits of your hard work.

the rest of the conversation between you flows as it usually does, but the weed coursing through the both of you have you on tangents a sober mind could never come close to, both of you clutching your stomachs from laughter at every little thing.

once the conversation lulls a bit, you help him clean up the remnants of the smoke session and food, intending to head home for the night. you don’t necessarily want the fun to end, but you know both of you need some rest.

as if he can sense you planning your goodbye, johnny makes an offer.

“how would you feel about some drinks to finish off this celebration?” he proposes. you haven’t paired drinking with smoking in a while, but it sounds like a great time.

“i might just take you up on that,” you reply with a grin. the time is well into the night, and a frigid breeze sends a shiver through you.

“looks like it’s getting a bit chilly down here, do you mind if we drink upstairs?” he asks.

johnny explained to you when you first started working there that there was an apartment above the store, but he barely used it. hyuck would sometimes crash there, and johnny said he himself only stayed if he were too tired to make the drive back to his actual apartment.

you never thought anything of it beyond slight curiosity, being that it’s basically an extension of johnny’s home. you don’t know what it looks like, but isn’t this pretty much johnny inviting you to his place? or is that the weed getting the better of you?

johnny gets your attention, snapping you out of your thoughts. “earth to __? are you okay? we don’t have to, you must be tired.” regardless of the intentions, you trust johnny, and you are more than curious about the upstairs floor.

and if you’re really being honest, you were hoping to spend more time with him anyways.

“no!” you deny a bit too loudly, reeling back a bit in embarrassment. “no.. i’d love to, if you’re okay having me up there.” he smiles warmly.

“i think you’re one of the only people i’d be okay having up there, don’t worry about that.” maybe you are important to him, and not just the store. you beam at his words, and let johnny lead you around the side of the building.

as you make your way up the stairs and through another door, he flips the light on. you’re met with a comfy little studio; it’s even more minimalistic than the store, with a kitchenette and its only furniture being a couch, coffee table, a bed, and a tv mounted on the wall.

“it’s not much, but it’s cozy. before i decided to open the dispensary, i’d come here when i needed an escape from all the headaches in my life,” he smiles fondly looking around the room.

he directs you to sit on the couch as he pulls out a bottle of wine and two glasses from his kitchenette, pouring them out for you before taking a seat next to you.

“i was actually fast asleep here when you called me yesterday,” he explains, which explains how he materialized out of nowhere. you had assumed he dozed off in the back room. “i was just thinking too many ugly thoughts at my place, so i drove here at some ungodly hour. fell asleep like a baby.”

“and stayed asleep,” you tease. he scoffs, taking a long sip from his glass.

“i don’t even know why i’m telling you all this… was thinking it was the weed, but i don’t know,” he muses, clinking his glass against yours. “i guess i just feel comfortable around you.”

johnny’s words hit you right in the heart, knowing that you’ve been able to provide him with comfort, just like he’s done for you. you notice his glass is empty, and grab the wine to pour some more.

“you’ve always made things comfortable for me, too, y’know?” you respond, pouring some more into your own glass as well and clinking your glass against his. a serene silence falls between the two of you as you finish up the last of the wine.

the combination of the weed and the wine is definitely getting to you, and you think it’s getting to johnny as well. his eyes are glossed over, and he has a slight flush to his cheeks—it’s an endearing sight.

but what he brings up next is anything but endearing.

“hey, i know this is random, but since we’ve established we’re comfortable, i wanted to ask.” he pulls out his phone, opening up an app all too familiar to you.

“is this you?”

you had forgotten all about this while entangled in the chaos of the day, but it all comes crashing back to you as he shows you a familiar profile in his “likes” section. your mouth drops, and you feel your palms start to sweat. fuck.

your eyes move from the phone, to him, back to the phone, then back to him. you nod slowly as reality hits.

yes, you’re comfortable, and yes, you’re important to him. but is this a boundary you should be crossing?

“I’m so, SO sorry, johnny.. it was an accident, i swear,” you plea, and he quirks an eyebrow up at you.

“an accident, huh?” he teases a bit at first, but he reels it back as he processes your genuine devastation. “wait, wait. i’m not upset or anything!” he clarifies.

“you aren’t?” you feel tears threaten. your head is spinning and your face feels hotter than its ever been.

“why would i be?” he asks, and the panic in your body quells momentarily.

“because.. you’re my boss.” you look down at the empty wine glass in your hands. you don’t know how many times you’ve repeated that to yourself like a mantra to keep you from pining after him.

johnny shakes his head, taking the wine glass from you and setting it to the side. “would it be wrong for me to say i consider you more than just an employee? you’ve probably done more for the store than i ever could have.”

his hand rests on yours, and you finally find it in you to hold his gaze.

“you’ve done so much for me, too. you have no idea.” his slightly raspy voice is full of tenderness, his eyes locked on yours with pure warmth.

“is it bad that i’m wishing it wasn’t an accident?”

your mouth is already dry from the smoking, but it feels like any words have dried up on your tongue as you try to process what he just said.

the combination of weed and alcohol in your bloodstream has you wanting to say so much to him right now that may change the trajectory of your relationship forever, but in trying to control your thoughts another question comes out.

“why are you on that dating app?” you ask, surprised when it comes out but sticking by it nonetheless. he doesn’t seem fazed by how sudden it is.

“i honestly forgot i still had it, but i won’t deny i used to have my ways of relief. kind of like weed for you.” you don’t know if your eyes are functioning properly right now, but the warmth in his eyes seems to darken as you come to the realization of what he’s suggesting.

taken over by the thoughts you’ve tried so hard to hold in, you make your own suggestion before you even know what you’re saying.

“well, we did my way, how about we do yours?”

the silence following your question is deafening, and each second chips at your substance-fueled confidence. johnny’s lips curl up.

he interlocks one of your hands with his, bringing it up to his mouth as he lays a kiss onto the back of it. “you see, i was thinking the same thing,” he murmurs into your hand. the feeling of his warm breath on your skin sends a shiver through you.

he slowly kisses down your hand, up your arm to your neck, and you let out soft sighs of pleasure as he lays kisses alongside your neck. his kisses trail down, and he slowly sinks to his knees, looking up at you with a grin.

“they say weed gives you the munchies, right?” he grasps your legs, sliding them over his shoulders, pulling you so that your clothed core lays exposed right in front of him.

you want to tell him that you’ve both had a long day, that he doesn’t need to eat you out, but his eyes are trained on the wet patch on your panties.

“think this might be the first time i’ve wanted to eat something so bad.” he doesn’t even wait for your answer before he’s laying open mouthed kisses right over your underwear, soaking through the thin material with his tongue.

he groans as soon as he makes the first contact, and the vibrations and the feeling of his hot tongue pressing the cloth into your core have your eyes fluttering back.

this is stress relief alright, but you feel like it’s more for you than johnny.

“fuck, princess, so fucking good,” he pants out, sliding your underwear to the side to trail a few fingers through your folds. “could stay here all fuckin’ night.”

he dives back in, the feeling of his tongue directly on your cunt sending your head reeling back, moaning out loud as your legs threaten to tighten around his head. his hands grip your thighs tightly and keep them spread, pressing his head further in.

he laps at your cunt like he’s starved, tongue alternating between rolling your clit in a figure 8 and prodding at your entrance. a mixture of drool and your juices drip down his chin, but johnny doesn’t falter in the slightest.

your hands fist at the material of the couch’s backrest, the only thing going through your mind being how good it all feels, that this is all a wet dream you never want to wake from.

he hums as he slows down a bit, glazed eyes shifting to lock with yours. ”cum on my tongue, baby.”

he returns to your core with fervor and laps at your hole, fingers slithering around to rub harsh circles into your clit. it’s only a matter of seconds after his gentle demand that the band in your stomach snaps, legs fighting against his iron grip as he guides you through your orgasm.

your head feels so light, the continuous warmth between your legs sending jolts through your whole body up to your fingers threaded through his hair.

your hold on his hair loosens as he finally separates his mouth from you to take in your heaving form, his eyes drinking in the sight before him. he’s not the only one, as the sight of him between your legs, bottom half of his face glistening, is a sight you could look at forever.

time seems to slow again as he lowers his head once more, breath once again fanning over your core. his words send a thrill through your entire being.

“need more.”

he doesn’t even finish those 2 words before his mouth is opening, resuming its ministrations on your already spent cunt. you squeal out at the overstimulation, legs squirming in his tight grip as the rest of your body writhes.

you can barely formulate any words, moans tumbling from your mouth in the shape of his name. your barely notice one of his hands releasing its grip from your thigh, instead making its way to your core.

he hollows his lips around your clit as he slips he prods at your entrance with 2 of his long, slender fingers. you gasp as they make their way into you, tears starting to form in your eyes at the sheer amount of pleasure from just his mouth and fingers.

as he starts to thrust his fingers in time with his lips, you feel another peak coming. he can feel you pulsing around his fingers, and he separates his mouth form you to lift his head and fully watch your pleasured expressions.

“c’mon baby, give me another, need you to cum,” he coos, fingers pistoning in and out of you. exhilaration runs through his lidded eyes as he watches you fall apart on his fingers, and with a curl of his digits into a sweet spot you’re cumming with a loud cry.

“f-fu-fuck, johnny, please,” you weep, at this point entirely overstimulated at your second orgasm of the night. yet you want more, want him to feel the same pleasure you’re feeling, just as the same high runs through both of you.

“please what, baby?” he questions, voice emulating yours in a half-hearted imitation. “want my tongue again?”

you try to shut your legs around him, unconsciously backing up, but his hands return to their iron grip around your thighs, tugging you right back to where you were.

“where are you trying to go, baby? thought you wanted to do my way of stress relief,” he croons, head moving down ever so slowly back to your core, he lays kisses to the inside of your thighs, his soft lips sucking every few, undoubtedly leaving marks in their path.

“can feel my stress leaving each second i’m down here, baby. really could stay here all night,” he chuckles at your dazed expression. “already fucked you dumb? only had my fingers ‘nd tongue, princess.”

as he moves back to mold his mouth once more to your core, you finally find it in you to formulate a sentence.

“johnny, n-no, wait.” he waits, looking up at you with an expectant expression.

“want you to fuck me,” you plea. “need you inside me—need you so fucking bad.” your teary expression and please go straight to his neglected cock. “want you to feel good, t-too, johnny.”

he swoons, immediately getting up. he felt good already lost in eating your cunt, he didn’t even feel the need to free his member.

but if you beg so prettily, how could he say no?

he rises to his feet, pulling you up on shaky legs as he kisses you messily. you can taste yourself on his tongue, and he pulls you towards the bed. it wasn’t huge, but he reasons it is better than the couch.

as your knees hit the back of the bed, you fall back onto it, johnny’s lips still glued to yours.

when he finally separates, a thin string of saliva hanging between your mouths, he tugs his pants down, hard, raging member slapping against his stomach. you ogle at his size, tip red and angry from the neglect. he’s huge—if you were already losing your mind with his fingers, his cock could send you to another dimension.

he fishes through his wallet, pulling out a condom, but you stop him with what mental energy you have left. is it crazy that you want to feel all of him? even if it is, you could always just blame that on the substances running through you still.

“don’t need that, i’m clean and on the pill,” you call to him, and his head snaps to you.

you see the same exhilaration from earlier run through him as he breathes deeply at the thought of fucking you raw. everything in him screams to just do it, but the little reason he has left peeks through. “…me too, but are you sure?”

always the gentleman he is, but you want nothing more than for him to fill you up.

“yes, i need to feel you,” you groan, and you barely finish your sentence before he’s joined you on the bed.

“need to feel me, huh?” he muses, pulling you up so that you straddle him. “know a good way for you to get your fill then, baby.”

his member sits hot and heavy against your core, and you swivel your hips over it. a low groan leaves him at the feeling of your core sliding over him, and he grabs the base of it to guide it into your hole.

his head catches, and he plants his hands on your waist, thrusting slightly to breach your walls. each inch has you crying out, eyes rolling back and shutting at the stretch. he feels as big as he looks, and tears once again sting at your eyes.

“taking me so well, baby, halfway there,” he sings, and you clench at the praise. only halfway?

he hisses at the tightening as he tries to continue. “need you to relax just a little baby, squeeze me like this when i’m all the way in, yeah?” he laughs, but you can’t help the way your pussy clings to him.

“love the way you cling to me, make you wanna stay with me, baby.” he growls lowly, continuing his inching into you. “not gonna leave me right? leave me and go back to that old job of yours?”

you almost don’t hear him in the daze of feeling his cock stretching you, but you do. “y-you heard that?” he chuckles.

“i did, i wasn’t gonna say anything, but i feel restless thinking about you not being by my side,” he confesses, finally bottoming out, both of you needing a second to adjust. you’ve never felt so full.

johnny takes in the way you’re wrapped around him tightly, your lips parted as you breath in and out and try to process his words, hands gripping his shoulders for dear life. he loves the sight in front of him. “yeah, i need you with me, baby.” his hands move your hips up.

“think i’d give you the world if i could.” he pushes you back down over him, and you cry out at the way his tip hits into you so deeply. he continues to slowly guide your hips up and down over him, all the while letting his innermost thoughts leak.

“you got me thinking about the future ‘nd shit, a future with you.” your heart tightens impossibly, and if you weren’t fighting to stay focused you think you could cry at his sugary sweet confessions. his hands move to a tight grip on your ass, lifting his own hips slightly to meet yours as it comes down.

“you can’t leave, not when the only constant i see in my future is you. tell me you feel the same way. i saw that ‘like’ in that app and was just so—fuck,” he pauses, recollecting himself before resuming his both his thoughts and pace. “i saw it and hoped it meant you do—that you do feel the same way as me.”

though you connected physically, you could tell he was holding back, but now his feelings are clear. and now it’s time you stopped holding back.

“johnny, i’m not lea—i’m not leaving,” you hold his gaze, catching your breath to let him know your own intentions. “i want to be with you here.”

everything’s a blur as you find yourself on your back within seconds of your own confession, johnny meeting your lips hungrily as he pistons into you in your new position, control now fully in his possession.

he presses you into the bed with his kisses and thrusts, and the apartment is filled with nothing but your moans, his groans, and the sound of skin on skin. breathless, he pauses his kisses, and a beautiful smile lights his face. “hope you know you just made me the happiest man ever.”

his smile brings out your own as you pull him down to continue kissing, and his thrusts pick up in speed. “can picture it—you and me, our store. our lives, our family.”

you suddenly recall how you pictured johnny as a husband, heat pooling in your stomach and heart at the fact that he thought about you in that way, too. and it doesn’t go unnoticed by him, your walls sucking him in even further.

“oh? you like that?” he grits his teeth, fighting your grip on him to thrust in and out, dragging his length along your walls. you can feel every ridge and vein, his heat radiating form your core through your entire body.

“i’ll take such good care of you, have the prettiest girl by my side.” you moan at his praise and promises, nails digging into his shoulders as he continues to pound you into the mattress.

“give you the prettiest babies,” he mumbles lowly, as if it wasn’t meant for you to hear, but the stirring in your stomach at that is one you’ve never felt before.

johnny’s thrusts get even harsher, his own drive fueled by the thought of claiming you. “know you want that, baby, s-shit, can feel you tryin’ to milk me dry.”

you feel yourself dive head first into your orgasm at his words, cumming with a loud cry, your throat hoarse at this point from everything johnny’s given you. you don’t have to say you feel the same, he can feel it. you beg anyways.

“fuck, give it to me johnny, fill me up, please, please,” you plead, and johnny’s more than happy to oblige, unable to hold back any longer with the way you desperately pulse around him.

with a stuttering of his hips and a deep groan, he presses deep into you, painting your walls with his warm load.

you both catch your breath, and johnny stays buried in you for a little while before his own strength gives out. he finally pulls out of you and lays by your side, tugging you into his arms.

no words are exchanged between the two of you for a little while, and though the silence is filled with uncertainty, you don’t mind. you’re pretty sure you’ve sobered up by now. johnny had you feeling something no strain of weed or sip of alcohol could give.

he unwraps his arms from around you, getting up to grab some random clothes he has in a basket under the bed. he pulls some shorts on and an oversized shirt over your spent form.

“i think this could be my new form of stress relief, too,” you yawn out, the toll of the busy day and night getting to you.

he laughs but doesn’t respond. you hear him grab something else, and suddenly you’re met with your phone held in front of your face.

“hey, can you unlock this?” he asks, and while you’re a bit suspicious of his intentions, you do so. you’re too tired to question it, anyways. after a few taps and a questioning look, he locks it and places it to the side, grabbing his own.

this time, he shows you what he does on his own screen, finding the familiar little icon of the dating app and deleting it off of his phone.

“don’t think i need that anymore,” he huffs, but a pleased smile rests on his face. “though it seems like you were one step ahead of me.”

“were you trying delete it off mine, too?” you question, fluttering feeling in your stomach at his cute claim on you.

“yeah, can’t have you accidentally liking anyone else,” he jokes, and while slightly embarrassed, you’re more glad than anything that his comfort in joking with you hasn’t changed.

you roll your eyes at his teasing, ready to argue and get your own two cents in, but he puts his phone away, climbing into bed before gathering you back into his warm arms.

“what i said before, none of it was under the influence—i meant it. i’ve thought a lot about my future starting this store, and along the way i realized you became part of that vision,” his eyes fall to your lips and he can’t help but lean down and give you a quick peck.

“i cant imagine the store—or anything in my future without you,” another kiss. he’s making it known that his feelings run so much deeper than just a simple infatuation; you know for a fact yours do, too.

“is this a proposal?” you ask, finally able to get your own teasing in. johnny doesn’t mind, though, matching your energy as he always does.

“if you want it to be,” he winks at you. you giggle, and his eyes stay glued to you, enamored with your smile.

“we’re just skipping the dating stage?” you question, just to stir the pot a bit. can’t let him get too comfortable, but you know he’s had you in the palm of his hand since day one. and he knows that too, once again unfazed by your jokes.

“oh, we can definitely do that, and more. anything you want really.” before sleep can overtake the two of you, he tilts your chin up with his fingers, planting a final kiss for the night. “anything at all, as long as you’re with me.”

a/n: flufftina is back u know i have to include tenderness in everything bc all i write is self indulgent :D anyways i know nothing about running an actual business pls keep that in mind LOL. thank you SO MUCH for reading and if you were anticipating this fic, thank you as always for your patience. trust me when i say that i get so in my head about writing nowadays that i sometimes lose the motivation to write/even post when i'm done, but i appreciate the support always!!

shout out to my loves @wispyxjae & @rikupid for beta reading and hyping me up to get to a comfy point with this fic <3 jae n winnie ily so bad

also shout out to that one anon who said they have a mini book club w their friends and read my fics, i thought of your ask everytime i wanted to stop writing this HAHA

as always, shares and feedback are always appreciated, LOVE U <3

you’re late.

saturday night has come once again, and jeno sits in his room, inhaling and exhaling the smoke until the air around him is heavy. he passes the time as he usually does, expecting a knock at his door any second now.

he doesn’t realize that your presence hasn’t made him just expect you—he actively waits for you, even if he doesn’t admit it.

but as the hours go on and no knock comes, he feels unsettled. perhaps he’s just annoyed that he might be going to sleep tonight without releasing the week’s pent up tension, but he knows deep down that’s not it.

where are you?

there hasn’t been a saturday in months without you, and he pulls out his phone subconsciously, scrolling through his contacts. only now does he realize that he doesn’t even have your number, not that he would be entirely willing to put aside his pride to contact you.

you’ve started to spend more time together, now even staying over at his suggestion. your weekly routine has spoiled him — why need your number when there’s a day, or night, of your week that belongs just to him?

you’ll be here, you always are.

but when he’s made his way through every joint he rolled for the night, including the two he packed for you, time on his phone reading well past 1 in the morning, he’s still. and when this continues on the next week, the week after, and it’s reached a month and a half since he’s seen you, he becomes restless.

jeno knows that the function his roommates throw every weekend is still in full blast downstairs, arguably just getting started. he’s never in attendance; he hates the crowds, the heat, the noise. but for once in his time living there, he debates leaving the comfort of his room tucked in the furthest corner of the house.

he shakes his head at the thought. why would you be here if not for him? he knows you’re not into these kinds of things. well, he thinks he knows. the first time you came you were dragged in by your roommate, one of his regular customers, and the rest goes from there.

that’s right, your roommate. you might not be the biggest party animal, but your old roommate was who got you there in the first place. and she wouldn’t resist bumming some weed. maybe.

he grabs an old pack of pre-rolls that he threw in a drawer a while ago. maybe he can at least get your number. he has no solid plan for how he’ll ask about you, but still continues on as if he’s possessed.

he knows this is way out of character for him, putting on a hoodie before walking out into the hallway and closing his door behind him. maybe it’s the weed coursing through his veins pushing him to do so, despite it being the same weed he smokes every day. who knows?

he comes down the stairs, passing by some randoms perched up in deep conversation over the loud music. it’s exactly like he thought it would be—hot, loud, and quite literally the last place he would want to be. nonetheless, he scans the crowd. before he can find any sign of your roommate, his find him first.

“jeno!” a clearly inebriated hyuck clings onto him, eyes wide as if he’s experiencing an alcohol-induced hallucination. “there’s no fucking way you came out of your little smoke hole for once,” he slurs out, alcohol on his breath.

“shut the fuck up,” jeno mumbles lowly, prying him off as another roommate approaches to help.

“dude, i really did not think i’d ever see you down here, though.” mark holds hyuck away from jeno, the drunk man scurrying away at the mention of another shot waiting for him in the kitchen.

“had to do something.” jeno keeps it short, not wanting to deal with anyone but someone who will get him to you. mark knows his roommate enough not to pry, and with a tired smile nods in understanding.

“got it, well if you need anything i—” jeno doesn’t hear the rest of mark’s sentence, eyes zeroing in on a scene over his roommate’s shoulder. there stood your roommate, laughing her ass off, but more importantly, there was you.

his surprise quickly turns into ire as he realizes you have additional company. male company standing behind you, arms draped around your waist as you both sway to the bumping music along with your roommate in front of you.

he sees red.

poor mark doesn’t know what’s gotten into his roommate as he pushes right past him, steps heavy and enraged.

you hadn’t expected any of it.

the last time few times you saw jeno, something shifted.

he was still quiet and spoke more with his actions than words, but these same actions had made you start to expect more. there was tenderness, yet it felt heartless. so sweet, yet at the same time so bitter.

there was this line you couldn’t cross—one he didn’t seem to want to cross either. yet you felt like you had done enough, given enough, and if he wanted to, he would.

so you stopped coming.

tonight was different, however. your close friend, shotaro, is visiting from out of town and your roommate had the bright idea of introducing him to the beloved parties hosted at this house, so she ended up dragging you there just like all those months ago. you didn’t have it in you to make excuses or flake on your longtime friend for a man.

your friends know nothing about the arrangement you have with jeno, and you have no intention of telling them. realistically, when making the plans you felt there was a good chance he wouldn’t even be bothered.

even if your consistency felt like an unspoken agreement, you didn’t know if it was just you who had that expectation. after all, he didn’t come looking for you all this time.

it’s another saturday without sex, and who knows if he would just go find it somewhere else. the thought stings, but you know he would be fine. you would be, too— at least you hope so.

you hold back a sigh as your drunk friend clings on to you, resting his chin on your shoulder and talking animatedly with your roommate. you lean back subconsciously, a few shots deep yourself.

while you had no intention of telling them about jeno, he had other ideas it seems. a strong hand grabs your arm with a tight grip, and you yelp and look up at your captor, eyes widening in surprise at who it is.

you were so sure he wouldn’t come down, even if it was his house. he hates these things.

“jeno?” you question, but the man doesn’t answer, burning holes into the friend behind you whose hands still ghost around your waist. jeno glares harshly as he makes eye contact, but shotaro pulls you back, protective instincts activated at the unknown man.

“who the fuck are you?” your friend spits out, meeting the man’s glare with as cold of a look as he can muster. you turn in his arms to try and explain.

jeno’s not having any of it—he should be the one asking that. his glance falls to your friend’s hands firmly gripping your waist—he should be the one in that position. the anger bubbling at his throat is spilling out and it’s taking everything in him to not start something he knows he’d regret.

he starts to hear some attention directed at your group, half buzzing about a potential fight and half in shock that jeno’s even down here, only a few of his regulars even knowing who he is. he hates it all— the looks, the whispers, the thought of himself in their heads.

yet he hates seeing you in someone else’s arms even more.

you manage to get out a “don’t worry about it,” before he yanks you out of your friend’s grasp, not even sparing him nor your roommate a second look. you look back at them apologetically as he leads you up the stairs, steps rushed and grip bruising.

the route flying past you is familiar as always, up the stairs, down the hall, last door on the right. jeno’s silent as he shuts the door behind you as usual, but you know it’s not the usual silence.

you study him carefully, noting his usually sharp features pulled into an even stonier expression. you can feel your heart pounding in your chest at his erratic behavior, yet you can’t deny a twinge of excitement running through you.

keeping your expectations low is a coping mechanism and you know it, but if you’re being completely honest, deep, deep down you had hoped this would happen.

though you’d like to have zero expectations for this obscure relationship as a means of protecting your heart, you’ve always hoped that jeno would prove that he cares about you more than you think.

through the cold exterior, moments of almost-affection had kept the hope alive, yet that same hope was always dashed when no further action would come from him.

you don’t know if what you had of him could satisfy you anymore. you want more, or nothing at all, and it’s looking like this night may bring the outcome of that choice.

you thought you were dreaming when he appeared in front of you, the idea of even getting a glimpse of him outside of his stuffy room something straight from your imagination.

coming to this house for the first time in a while, you convinced yourself tonight would be different. it is—just in a way you didn’t expect.

while you’re a bit sorry to your friends, it feels like a win. you always do what he wants, but who knew how exhilarating it would feel for him to be doing what you want for once, even if he didn’t know he was.

“who the fuck was that?” once in his room, his low voice growls in a way you’ve never heard him before. though he’s still seemingly as collected as ever, the irritation radiates off of him as he corners you roughly against his bedroom door.

“a friend,” you answer, doing your best to keep a strong face.

“a friend, huh?” his hands slide down to your waist, gripping tightly as if trying to replace the feeling of another with himself. “do you do this with all your friends?” he questions.

“it wasn’t anything crazy, jeno,” you defend, and in your eyes, it wasn’t. especially if there’s still this line between you two.

“i assume this friend is who you’ve been wasting your time with,” he mutters, and his angry tone actually starts to flare up some anger of your own. why can’t he just be honest and ask you where you’ve been? you push further.

“and what about it? it’s not a waste of my time, it’s my choice on how— or who i spend time with,” you can’t stop the pointed words from pouring out, and he just takes it with a darkening expression.

“why are you so angry about it? what’s it even to you? it’s not like you know anything about me outside of this room,” you bite. “you don’t know me.”

you don’t think you’ve ever talked to jeno this way in the time you’ve known him. you know what you’re saying isn’t 100% true.

you know you’ve gotten to know each other more in the time you started seeing him. you know you’ve held onto everything he’s revealed about himself, but who’s to say that he’s done the same? he doesn’t know you.

he responds with silence, and for a second you feel as though you’ve pushed a bit too far.

“you’re right,” he mutters.

that response was the last thing you could have predicted.

“i don’t know you.“ his hold tightens further, and you can already feel that it’ll leave marks. his dark eyes are focused straight on yours, and more than anger, there’s an emotion you don’t know you recognize in him. “but i know there’s no one in this fucking world who could make you feel better than me.”

a bold streak runs through your veins, and his face comes closer, lips hovering over yours as if waiting for a response. you barely breathe one out.

“prove it.”

his lips slam into yours immediately, kisses bruising and desperate. his tongue intertwines with yours, leaving no part of your mouth untouched as it feels like he tries to devour you whole. his hands move to the back of your ass, gripping as you gasp into his mouth.

you feel him smirk against your lips as he lifts one of your legs to wrap around him, grinding his raging member into you repeatedly, thudding noises against the door resonating in the room. your mind briefly jumps to the same noise being heard in the hallway, but the thought disappears as quickly as it comes.

his lips fall to your neck, nipping and undoubtedly painting the skin with his marks. “could just slip it in right now, baby, i know you’re fucking dripping down there,” he breathes against your neck, and you feel yourself clench around nothing.

“let me see,” he says under his breath, leaving you with one last kiss as pulls off your dress, leaving you in just your underwear. he leaves marks trailing down to you soaking heat, keeping your legs spread with a firm grip.

his fingers trail up and down your slit, gathering the wetness and he slides your underwear to the side. the direct contact has you gasping and holding onto his shoulders as your knees buckle. his fingers leave your slit, and you feel his hands hook onto the back of your underwear.

a tearing noise accompanied by a brush of cold alert your senses, and you see jeno tossing your torn underwear to the side. “jeno!” you gasp.

“i’ll deal with it later,” he assures gruffly, his thumbs going to spread your lips apart, spreading your juices around as his eyes focus in. blood rushes to your head at the sight of him looking so intently at your cunt, as if it’s his next meal.

“that little boy toy of yours ever make you this wet?” he asks, holding you flush against the door as one of his thumbs dip into your entrance.

“h-huh?” you stutter, mind lost as you already start to feel fucked out just from his fingers and the sight of him on his knees for you.

“your friend from earlier, putting his hands all over my girl.” his other thumb brushes over your clit, circling as your mind tries to come up with a response. “answer me or i’ll stop,” he threatens with a press to your clit.

“no! no one does,” you gasp out, but jeno is not entirely satisfied with that answer.

“no one but who?” he digs his thumb harder.

“you! you, jeno..” you moan, hips thrusting forward seeking more friction.

“good answer, baby.” with that, you find yourself on your back, thrown onto his soft mattress. you look up to see jeno tugging his hoodie and shirt off, tossing them carelessly to the side before wrapping his strong arms around your thighs.

immediately he latches his mouth onto your sopping cunt, burying his tongue into your dripping hole and nose rubbing fiercely against your clit. he mouths at you like he’s starved, hands keeping your legs steady.

it’s all so much, and your hands move to grip his hair, unable to contain your hips as they move against his mouth desperately.

“oh, fuck, jeno! f-fuck,” you moan out, only being able to exclaim curses and his name. your cries only serve to keep him going even harder, the slurping sounds his mouth make on you filling the room alongside your cries.

as much as you’re loving this, and you’re already starting to lose yourself to this pleasure, you want nothing more but for him to fuck you senseless. the time apart has been a dry spell for you, too, and all self control you had for him disappeared the second your lips met.

“jeno, p-please. i need you to—” he shuts you up with two fingers snaking their way into your entrance, his lips shifting up to your clit, enveloping the bud before sucking harshly.

you gasp out at the pressure, your eyes fluttering shut as your leg released from his grip tightens around his head. he simply elbows it back to the side, other hand tightening around your other thigh as his mouth and fingers speed up.

you know you aren’t gonna last long. you force your eyes open, moving them from the ceiling back down to the man between your legs.

his tongue starts to flick back and forth, and when he opens his dark eyes to meet yours, you feel dizzy. with a curl of his fingers, you come undone, shrieking as he continues his ministrations to help you ride out your high.

he comes to a halt and you try to catch your breath, your grip on his hair releasing as he sits up. he seems to be admiring you for a second, all fucked out for him, back in his bed like you’ve always been.

except you haven’t been in over a month, and the thought sends jeno’s mind into a flurry again, wanting nothing more than to cool the burning sensation he feels in his chest at the thought of you with someone else. to remind you that making your body feel good is what he knows best.

he leans back down between your legs, about to wrap his arms around your thighs again when you stop him.

“j-jeno. please..” you needed him inside you forever ago, and you needed to let him know before he had you dazed on his tongue again. “no more, please.. need you inside.”

he sits back up again. you think he’ll say something, but he simply nods, pulling down his sweats as his member springs free from its confines. he grabs a condom, tearing the wrapper open before lowering it onto his member with a hiss.

the image before you is delicious. he’s still the most beautiful man you’ve ever met, and that along with everything you’ve been feeling about him stirs up your chest. if it wasn’t him, then who would it be?

you can’t stay in your thoughts for too long as he resumes his position between your legs. you’re already dripping for him, and with only a few low grunts he guides his member into your waiting entrance.

the stretch is just as good as it always is, and in no time he’s completely bottomed out. he’s still said nothing, dirty talk from earlier now completely absent. he’s not moving yet, just letting your walls adjust as you pulse around him.

as his hips start to move, his mouth does as well, finally breaking the silence.

“you think i don’t know you?” he asks. his voice is gruff, but the malice laced in his voice has been replaced with something softer. you can’t quite put your finger on what it is.

his hips move at a slow pace still, a stark contrast to all the other times you’ve fucked, where his hips piston into you relentlessly from the get-go.

“do you?” you ask quietly, the bite from your voice earlier also gone, and something flickers in those dark eyes of his.

his hips pick up just a bit. “i know you.”

he speeds up even more. “i fucking know you.”

your hands fist the pillow under you as his hips slap against you. “i know how sweet you are.” he moves to pull one of your hands from its place as he intertwines it with his own. "my sweet fucking girl," he mumbles, pressing you further into the bed. “but you should only be sweet for me," he bites out through grit teeth.

his hips pick up the pace with his words, pistoning into you now at the speed you know him best, slapping sounds of skin on skin now filling the room alongside your moans and the groans that leave his throat.

“i know you’re mine,” he asserts roughly, his voice quiet yet firm. his words strike a chord in you, and you clench around him at his claim over you, hoping to the universe that he actually means it. “s-shit,” he gasps out at the tightening around his cock.

his chest tightens, and his resolve crumbles by the second. he utters a quiet “say it, baby,” as his other hand moves now to grab yours, intertwining them as well. it feels like he’s enveloping your whole being with his.

you turn your head to the side, closing your eyes as you continue to cry out at the feeling of him gliding along your walls, hitting your deepest parts.

“f-fuck. ing. say. it. baby,” his words are punctuated with harsh thrusts, but come out almost like a plea. you’ve never heard him like this before. your eyes flit back up to really try and get a good look at him.

you now know the emotion in him you couldn’t recognize. all the anger and hate was replaced with pain.

“say you’re mine..” he heaves one more time, breathing hard. you’ve never seen him like this before.

he’s in pain over you.

just one last push.

“jeno… you say it,” you muster up as best as you can with your brain starting to fog from the combination of physical and mental stimulation. “say you’re m-mine, jeno,” you gasp out, keeping your eyes trained on his.

his hips falter just a bit, clearly not expecting that response, but he picks up the pace again. chewing hard on his bottom lip, he stays silent, and you could laugh. it seems he’s stubborn to the very end.

but like earlier, he doesn’t react the way you think he will. he doesn’t prove your low expectations to be true.

he leans down, kissing you softly at first, moving his hands from yours to hold you, one around your hips and the other cradling the back of your head. his lips envelop yours deeper, and with shaky hands you reach up to wrap your arms around his neck, lost in the warmth of his skin against yours.

you want this intimacy to last forever. in this moment, he truly feels like he’s yours, and it feels too good to be true. his lips disconnect from yours, moving down to kiss along the side of your head, down to your ear. his warm breath tells you it’s not a dream.

“i’m yours, baby. i’m yours,” he whispers fervently, over and over again, almost as if it’s his own way of apologizing. your nose stings as your eyes well with tears, and your stomach does flips as you feel yourself nearing your peak.

all those nights filled with uncertainties on if he’d ever let you into his life, let alone his room, all those moments of disappointment when your efforts towards being something more felt shut down, all those excuses you made for yourself and for him to keep the cycle going—all of it feels worth it for this moment.

his hips move harshly as he continues his rambling into your ears, holding you as tightly as he can. you can feel yourself reaching your peak once more.

“i’m yours, jeno,” you finally get out alongside your moans, and his head shoots up. he meets your teary eyes, leaning down to give you one last deep, tender kiss as the band in your stomach finally snaps, cumming with a loud cry.

your mouths are unable to separate even as his hips stutter against yours. he groans into your mouth as he cums, filling the rubber and riding both your orgasms out before coming to a stop. you continue locking lips until both of you are out of breath.

you both catch your breath, and as you look up into jeno’s eyes, once dark and cold, filled with anger and pain, you can’t stop the tears from flowing once again.

maybe you’ve had a glimpse of this in your time together, but now you can see for certain that his eyes are full of untamed warmth and affection. your devotion was never in vain.

jeno gets up, separating from you reluctantly. the room is silent once again, but it’s not the suffocating silence you’d felt from him before.

he cleans himself up before pulling a fresh towel from his closet to clean you, helping your spent form into a t-shirt of his. he grabs a water bottle from his mini fridge, handing it to you and urging you to drink. once you’re all settled, he turns off the dim lamp he’d had on.

he climbs into his bed with you, wrapping the both of you in his comforter as you lie on his arm.

“where were you?” he asks carefully, perhaps a little unsure on how to initiate the conversation after what was basically your confessions. “were you really with him?” you’d have to thank taro for this later.

“no,” you respond, and his shoulders seem to relax a bit, his hand rubbing up and down your hip mindlessly. “i just thought we needed distance.” his hand stops at that.

“we don’t,” he refutes bluntly. “don't do that, come see me,” he continues. you chuckle a bit at how honest he’s being. he needs you just as much as you need him, and he’s finally showing and saying it.

“and not just on saturdays..” you raise your eyebrows at this, butterflies erupting in your stomach at where this whole conversation is going. “or, uh- i’ll come see you.”

you’re silent for a second, letting yourself relish in the feeling of your heart swelling with emotion. this is a scene straight out of your dreams, but he continues to prove that you’re wide awake. jeno doesn’t take your silence well, nervous as he awaits your answer. he continues.

“’s that okay?” he asks, trying to make out your expression in the moonlight. you take a second to take in his features illuminated by that same light.

“yeah, i’d love that,” you finally respond. snuggling into him, you feel sleep start to overtake you as you lie in his warm arms, but it seems he’s not done with the conversation yet.

“so, well..” he starts. his body starts to warm up, and he buries his face into the top of your head, holding you close.

“what’s your favorite restaurant?”

you’re shocked for a second before letting out a hearty laugh into his chest. he squeezes you tighter in a scolding way, but urges you to answer. you respond with your favorite and another question of your own, and he answers in turn.

you don’t think he knows you entirely, and the same is true for you, but you do know for certain it won’t stay that way for long.

a/n: same universe as stuffy, just actual closure to the fwb storyline? idk but jeno's been doing smth to me.... like his summer sonic looks... yeah..... this one's more for me to get back into the groove of writing, but i'm a sucker for a fwb to lovers story </3 anyways tysm for reading, trying to work on my johnny fic in the meantime but it is just nawwwt turning out how i want it to. maybe will write more plug!jeno or a different stoner!jeno au, but enjoy for now!! ty as always to my bb @wispyxjae for beta reading <3

shares and feedback always appreciated !!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و