Longing Is Tender, Seeing You Is a Fever
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
They say longing to meet is emotion, but wanting to see someone becomes a sickness. Aikyan learns the difference the moment Rikako asks to come over.
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They say it well, longing to meet someone is emotion, but wanting to see them becomes a kind of illness.
At the beginning, we were just groupmates. Both Type O, both easygoing, it felt like we simply clicked.
That was all it was supposed to be.
Because honestly, she was too cute. Too pretty. So effortlessly radiant that standing next to her felt mismatched in a way I didn’t want to think too hard about. Someone like her wouldn’t be interested in me. That was the assumption I held onto.
And yet, she started reaching out more. Twitter, LINE, little messages that didn’t mean anything, and somehow meant everything. We started going out together, just the two of us. Nothing special. Just… time.
And slowly, quietly, something in me began to hope.
“Maybe I’m just being full of myself,” I’d think. “But maybe… just maybe, Rikako is a little interested in me too.”
------------------
The July event in Numazu ended. Then the August livestream.
The next time all of us would be together was September 9th.
Just a few weeks.
That’s all it was supposed to be.
So why did it feel so unbearable?
I missed her.
The realization sat heavy in my chest, but even then, I couldn’t bring myself to ask her to meet.
And then, a message.
“Aikyan, can you hang out right now?”
For a second, I just stared at my phone.
Then I was on my feet, practically bouncing in place, heart racing faster than I could keep up with.
I typed back quickly, forcing my tone into something casual, something that wouldn give me away,
“Sure. Where do you want to go?”
I didn’t wait for the reply before I started getting ready.
What would she wear today? Would it be something soft? Something cool? Something that, by some miracle, might match mine?
The thought made my chest feel strangely warm.
I had just finished changing when my phone buzzed again.
“Can I come over to your place?”
My place?
I blinked.
The last time she’d been here was around my birthday the year before, she and Arisha had stayed over. Since then, we’d both been too busy. And besides, Rikako liked going out, new places, new cafes, anywhere but staying in.
So why now?
“I mean… sure. But there’s not much to do here?”
It wasn’t a lie. My place wasn’t exactly exciting.
But the truth was, I wanted her here more than anything.
“That’s totally fine! I just want to talk.”
Talk?
Something important, then?
“Okay! I’ll clean up a bit.”
“I’m already at the nearest station, I’ll be there soon!”
“…That fast?”
I let out a quiet laugh, already moving to tidy up.
If I’d said no, she probably would’ve come anyway.
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A little while later, the doorbell rang.
“Coming!”
I opened the door, and,
“Hey~ I’m here.”
“…Yeah. Welcome.”
And just like that, there she was.
Cute. Of course she was. Effortlessly, unfairly cute.
Who dresses this nicely just to visit someone’s house?
“…So?”
I asked, trying to sound normal.
“What’s up?”
Rikako hesitated.
Actually hesitated, something she almost never did. Her hand brushed through her hair as she looked away.
“Uh… well…”
“Hm?”
“…Can I get some tea first?”
“Ah—yeah. Sure. Give me a sec.”
Something about that made my chest tighten.
Is it something serious?
I handed her the tea once I came back, watching her carefully.
“Here.”
“Thanks.”
She took a sip.
And then,
“Um…”
“Yeah?”
“Uh…”
“What is it?”
I laughed.
“You’re acting weird.”
She was.
Rikako, who usually said things so bluntly, so easily, now she looked like she didn’t know where to begin.
“…Aikyan,” she said softly.
“Yeah?”
“I… wanted to see you.”
Her face flushed red as she said it.
For a moment, everything stilled.
And then, without thinking,
“…You’re too cute!”
It slipped out before I could stop it.
“Ah—sorry,”
I added quickly.
“I mean—I’m really happy. Thank you.”
“Sorry for saying it so suddenly…”
“No, it’s fine. Really.”
Because it was.
Because—
“I wanted to see you too,”
I admitted, words catching slightly.
“I mean… I also wanted to give you your souvenir.”
A weak cover.
Ninety percent of it was a lie.
But the remaining ten percent, I held that out to her.
“Oh, right. You mentioned that.”
“Yeah. Here.”
She took it, eyes lighting up as she looked it over.
“Huh… for something from Aikyan, this isn’t even a joke gift. It’s actually cute.”
“Hey! I can be serious when I want to be!”
She laughed softly.
“Thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
She looked so happy.
So genuinely happy, just holding something I’d picked out, and suddenly, my chest felt too full.
Too tight.
Like something inside me was about to spill over.
“Hey… Rikako.”
“Hm?”
“…I like you.”
The words hung in the air.
Rikako froze.
“I’m sorry,”
I rushed on, heart pounding.
“I know we’re both girls, and maybe it’s weird, but—”
My voice trembled.
“I like you. I really do.”
Silence.
Complete, suffocating silence.
She didn’t move.
Didn’t speak.
And for a second, I thought,
I messed up.
I wanted to run.
But this was my house.
There was nowhere to go.
So I stayed.
And waited.
Minutes passed.
Then finally, Rikako blinked, like she’d just come back to herself.
“Um… about that…”
“Yeah?”
“…That’s what I came here to tell you.”
“…Huh?”
I stared at her.
“Wait—what?”
“I told you, didn’t I? I had something I wanted to talk about.”
“Wait, but—you already—no, you didn’t—wait—”
I was completely lost.
Rikako took a breath.
Then, quietly,
“Let me say it properly.”
She looked straight at me.
“Aikyan… no—Aika.”
My name.
Not the nickname.
Not the teasing version.
The real one.
“I like you.”
And just like that, I was done for.
Completely.
“…Really?”
I whispered.
“You think I’d joke about something like that?”
She said, a little flustered.
“Especially when we both know what it means… that we’re both girls.”
And that was it.
That was all it took.
“Thank youuuuu—!”
“W-wait—here too!?”
I was already crying.
I couldn’t stop.
I’ve always been like this, too emotional, too easy to break into tears.
And right now?
There was no holding it back.
“Because I’m happy…”
I choked out.
“I’m so happy…”
“You’re really too cute…”
“You are too…”
“Th-thank you…?”
Ah.
There it was.
When she gets embarrassed, she switches to polite speech.
Just like that one livestream.
I almost laughed through my tears.
And then, she stood up.
“What—”
Before I could finish, she pulled me into her arms.
Warm.
Close.
Real.
“Aikyan… I love you.”
“…Can you call me ‘Aika’ again?”
I murmured.
A small tease.
Just a little.
“…Geez,”
She huffed softly.
“Aika… I love you.”
I smiled against her.
“Yeah,”
I whispered.
“I love you too, Rikako.”
And just like that, we became us.
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As for how the others figured it out and started bombarding us with questions?
…That’s a story for another time.
