Knockin' On Heaven's Door [Criminal Minds Fanfiction]
When the words 'victim' and 'profiler' can describe the same person, what is left of who you once were within the worst paradox the BAU has ever known?
In the wake of surviving Hankel, Dr. Spencer Reid is prescribed Vyvanse and Klonopin to manage the chaos of newly diagnosed mental health conditions. The doctors werenât wrongâbut neither was he for leaning on the pills a little harder than most would understand. Vyvanse sharpens him into the most efficient profiler the BAU has ever seen. Klonopin blunts the jagged edges of trauma, keeping flashbacks just out of reach. Spencer isnât abusing his medsâheâs surviving. Using intellect as armor against a past too brutal to faceâa past explicitly detailed in a case file with his name on it, barely buried beneath the stack of the other usual case files that littered his desk, hidden in plain sight like everything else in his life these past few months.
This story takes place in early 2007 and serves as a rewritten and reimagined aftermath of the events depicted in the mid-season two episodes "The Big Game" and "Revelations".
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summary: undercover works leaves you wondering if luke is simply really good at playing a role, or if his âroleâ is him being honest.
requested: yes
word count: 0.7k
warnings: brief mentions of death & car accidents, slight pining
a/n: i loved this dialogue prompt - âyou look so beautifulâ - so much! & with luke?? ugh, it was so cute. i hope your guys like it! Xx
Itâs not often that you and the team have to do undercover work, but you canât catch this particular unsub without luring him. Each of his victims have been single women in their mid to late twenties who he deems as a tease, simply for the fact that theyâre unaware of a male friendâs affections for them.
As it goes, this unsub was the unfortunate male friend of a woman who never realized he liked her. She had gone off and got married to someone else before both her and her new husband died in a motor vehicle accident.
Itâs understandable for him to be upset and angry, but the unsub decided the best way to handle his rage was to take it out on other similar women, killing them after delivering them an anonymous âlove note.â
Of course you were the only one who fit the unsubâs type out of everyone on the team, so you were currently getting ready to go out to a club with Luke as your male companion.
You werenât thrilled about the situation, having been crushing on Luke for a while now. The thought of him having to flirt with you while you pretended to be clueless bothered you. Not because you had to pretend to be clueless, but because he had to pretend to flirt with you. You wish heâd flirt with you for real, but heâs only ever been friendly towards you.
Regardless, you had to hide away your emotions for the night in favour of fake cluelessness if you wanted this to work. You needed it to work to catch this guy, so you take a deep breath and continue getting yourself ready.
~.~
Walking into the club, earpiece in and hidden, you pretend to scope out the place before you smile at seeing Luke over by the bar.
He had come into the club about an hour before you, mainly to stake out the place and make sure the unsub was here. However, it was also supposed to look like he had been waiting for you to show up specifically, and not like it was just a coincidence that youâre running into each other.
âHey, Luke! Sorry Iâm late. I got held up at work a bit longer than expected.â You start in on your role, smiling easily as you take a seat next to him.
Youâre supposed to just be meeting a friend for the night. There shouldnât be any need to be nervous.
âOh, no worries, y/n. Seriously, I get it.â He smiles, but you can tell itâs fake.
Itâs odd because youâve seen him âactâ around suspects before during interrogations, and heâs never once had an issue pretending to play a role. Something is on his mind, and for a moment you forget your role as you ask him about it for real.
âWhatâs on your mind? You seem distracted?â
Your question apparently brings him back because as you look at him with a slight furrow to your brow, he sends you a genuine smile - or at least it feels genuine.
âNothing, you justâŚyou look so beautiful.â He blushes, chuckling lightly as he shakes his head.
Youâre taken aback for a moment as you try to decipher if this is him pretend flirting with you already, or if this is real. He couldnât actually be complimenting you right now?
This shouldnât be what youâre thinking about. You have to remember that youâre supposed to be clueless to his affections, whether theyâre real or not right now.
Realizing this you chuckle lightly yourself, a shy smile on your lips as you thank him. He nods, letting out a sigh as he offers to get you a drink, which you accept of course.
Tonight was going to be harder than you thought if your heartbeat falters every time he flirts with you. Youâve just got to be convincing enough for the unsub to notice you, and to send you your own love letter where the team can then catch him when he comes to follow up on it.
You just needed to be convincing enough so you could close the case, and then you could work out your feelings for Luke when you arenât being used as bait for an unsub.
summary: when penelope is having a moment, you come to the rescue with plenty of kisses & reassuring words.
requested: yes
word count: 0.7k
warnings: cm spoilers!, heavy use of pet names, crying, mentions of death & car accidents
a/n: ahhh this fic makes me so soft. iâm not really sure its any good, but it makes my heart happy. to be able to comfort penelope would be a dream - solely bc shes such a cupcake and to see her sad makes me sad. anyways, i hope you guys like this! âĽ
âPen, whatâs happened, sugar-bee?â You ask as you walk into your girlfriendâs office to find her sniffling.
âN-nothing. Iâm okay.â
She immediately tries to wipe her tears away and hide from you, but both of you know you're not one to let things like this slide.Â
âPenelope Garcia, my girlfriend is crying and I need to know why so I can help fix it.â
âItâs just, I think I ruined things with my brother. I messed up really bad, and I - I donât think heâs ever going to want to talk to me again.â She croaks, trying so hard to swallow her tears.
âOh honey, Iâm sorry. Come here.â You coo, opening your arms up for the woman even though youâre walking to her in her desk chair.Â
As she pushes herself back from her desk, though, you sit on her lap, practically straddling her as you pull her into a tight hug.Â
âIâm so sorry, Penny. I know how much your brothers mean to you.â You pout, leaning back to look at your beautiful girl, her arms holding you up.Â
âDid you make the decision you felt you needed to at least? Even if your brother doesnât agree with it?â
âI did. I-I finally forgave that drunk driver that hit my parents. I-I realized that heâs not the one to be blamed, at least not anymore. I canât keep being angry at him when I was the reason they were out.â
You frown as she starts to tear up again, and being her girlfriend - and a profiler - you know that sheâs taking all the blame now.
âHon, you canât blame yourself either. You were a kid, and we make dumb choices when weâre kids.â You start, softly kissing her cheeks where her tears have left small tracks.
âBut I-â
âNo. Yes, you were out late, but your parents made the choice to go out looking for you. They cared for you and wanted to make sure you were safe - which you are.â
âIt is not your fault - any of it. You were out, but they made the decision to go out looking for you, and that guy made the decision to drive after drinking.â
âIt was simply just a collision of decisions, sugar-bee. Youâre not the one that made them go out that night - that was their choice, okay?â You ask, hoping your words get through to her and she actually takes them to heart.Â
You canât stand to see her beating herself up over her parentsâ death. It was a tragedy, but it was in no way her fault.
âBut they were looking for me.â She nearly whispers, and you feel your heart breaking all over for her.Â
âHoney, look at me. You did not make your parentsâ choices. You were not in their heads telling them to go out and look for you. They decided to do that on their own.â
âWho would you blame if they had gone out for a movie and got in a crash instead? No drunk driver, no little Penelope having been out past curfew, but just them going out for a movie and crashed on the way home? Would you blame yourself then?â
âWell, no, but-â
âBut what? Theyâre different situations? Of course they are, honey. No situation is ever going to be the same as the one that happened that night.â You begin to debate.Â
âIf they hadnât gone out and looked for you, and thus never got hit, then thatâd be a different situation than what happened, too. Nothing can change about what happened without making it a different situation, Penelope. Itâs awful what happened, but sometimes all we can do is learn to live with it. Things happen to others, regardless of what we do, because everyone makes their own choices.â
You watch her after your little speech, noticing the way her eyes are still full of sadness but her tears are drying up.
âI know itâs a hard situation to live with, honey, but thatâs all you can do.â You murmur, wiping at the last few tears on her cheeks before kissing their remnants.
âI love you, y/n. Have I told you that?â She questions, watching you.
âA few times, but I always love to hear it.â You smile, drawing a little laugh out of your girlfriend.
âI love you times a million, Penelope. You own my heart, and always will, Iâm sure.â
I think JJ is the one of the main cast where you see the least of her character and struggles, so Iâm going to change that!
After her sisterâs death she started developing her need to take care of others
Her parents were so devastated that she needed to step up and care for them, completely putting aside her grief
She still doesnât really process any trauma she endures
She still feels deeply uncomfortable when talking about her sister
When she joined the BAU, she was very confident, charismatic, and tried not to let any of it bother her
That didnât exactly work
The amount of cases in which the victims were all blonde, blue-eyed, and pretty was astounding to her
It really started to make her skin crawl, but she forced the feeling down until she eventually started to get used to it, and she could ignore that feeling
But very rarely, when thereâs a case like that, sheâll have to run off and calm herself down
She was super close with her sister, so after her death, she developed abandonment issues
She hadnât ever felt the sort connection she had with Will until then
She completely trusted him not to leave her and felt safe with him, and she couldnât convince herself to keep him at armâs length
These issues also play into how much having Henry had an effect on her
The simultaneous urge to protect him, and her fear of him being taken from her in some way create this massive phobia of someone hurting him that can sometimes be hard to keep away from the forefront of her mind
It started off completely overwhelming when she first had a case surrounding kids after having Henry
But like everything else, she pushed it down until she got used to it
It was her kidnapping that shocked her
It felt big in the way that she couldnât keep it quiet
Sheâd never reacted to trauma in that way before and she didnât know how to handle it
So she handled it by thinking about what happened and nothing else
For the weeks she stayed home, she was short, distant, and always angry
She just did her best to stay quiet and hope it would pass
It did pass, but she would never be as comfortable in her own skin and have the perfect self-control she did before
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
1. He is still almost completely deaf in one ear from that explosion in one of the earlier seasonâs finales
2. Realistically, after beating the shit out of Foyet with his bare hands, he would have probably broken some hand bones, and I like the idea that his handwriting was a lot sloppier for a while after. (Ah, the symbolism of everything in his life becoming messier after Hayleyâs death)
Sometimes I genuinely read angst fics to feel something. Without feeling genuinely loved, without feeling genuinely happy, without feeling sad, I reach for that feeling like your heart is being squeezed in someone's hands and it sends chill-like vibrations that make your fingertips oddly ache in the darkness with just you and words on a screen.
I read all my angst fics with YKWIM? by Yot Club, by the way. It hurts a lot more with that playing in the background, you should try it.
