ā stop apologizing. you didnāt do anything wrong. ā // from Sen to Siwoo
ć ¤ć ¤he didn't do anything wrong. and, yet, he'd had to bury his little sister. a bleak concept that sasha used to joke about, right in his face; poking fun at his incessant worry over her untimely demise with her laughter that was once so loud, so full of life. he didn't do anything wrong. and, yet, he didn't do anything right, either. he'd had suspicions over what was happening to her down in the basement, had often questioned her scars only to be answered with a backhand from his mother. in his childhood he had been understandably useless, and in his adulthood he was just useless, even if he tried. he'd gotten custody of her when she was eleven, and he was twenty-five, and the first few years had been difficult ā but at least she'd been more or less at home. under his roof, and under his protection, for the most part. there had been good times, too. like when they'd taken all her old stuff out to the middle of nowhere, her dismantled bed, her church clothes, the mirror taken down from the basements ceiling. he'd given her a hammer, and some matches, and they'd bonded whilst mourning the death of sang-mi, but also celebrating the birth of sasha. and now he was left alone to mourn both versions of his sister. both versions that he couldn't save. he almost couldn't believe that she was buried six feet under where he knelt, the earth still freshly dug and a makeshift headstone in place whilst the ground settled. he was a quiet crier, with tears silently streaming down his cheeks as he mindlessly rearranged the bouquet of black dahlia's he'd left the day she was buried, back still turned to sen as he frowned at the ground, face heavily concealed by the hood of his raincoat as the storm clouds rolled in. " but i didn't do anything right, sen. if i had... " if i had, then she'd still be here. " what was she like? " thunder clapped overhead then, imminent warnings of a flood to come. " when you were with her, i mean. was she happy? she used to insist that she'd never get a boyfriend. " his smile was sad, but the ghost of his sister's was even sadder as she clung to sen.
