This version of the transcript was handwritten and edited by myself over a week after being tasked by Markiplier's deaf community. It took twelve hours and many cups of coffee. This is not the transcript from Fandom Wiki. It is from-scratch.
This is NOT the official transcript, either. Please do not get that confused. I spent many hours slowing down audio to interpret tones due to the involvement of requested tone tags. It's eons better than what we had previously, but it will never be truly correct due to the nature of it being unofficial, even though I tried my absolute best. This is meant as a free writer's resource and does not accrue any revenue.
This version includes:
Tone tags for nearly all lines.
Italic stressors for easier tone interpretation.
Sound effects, music indication and descriptions, and basic contextual movement beats.
Indication of slurring, stuttering, muttering, etc. that was not previously included on the YouTube closed captioning (I literally counted every single stutter for accuracy.)
Extra dialogue from whispering voices that were audio enhanced and then interpreted (best I possibly could.)
Access to open annotation and commenting.
I hope this helps the community out! It was a labor of love.
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[Etho] Ah I was waiting for you, I decided I would just walk in, you know
[Bdubs] That's so rude, you brought the horse in?
[Etho] Does- does he not belong in here?
[Bdubs] The horse has never been in this house
[Etho] I saw the haybales in here, I thought it was like a-
[Bdubs] No, that's a carpet
[Etho] *chuckles*
[Bdubs] Out! Out. Out
[Etho] Not horse food?
[Bdubs] No. [Etho] Okay, okay
[Bdubs] No, stop it see! Look what happened
--- 1:07 ---
*gentle piano*
[Bdubs] I love this area
[Etho] You got the pink tree
[Bdubs] Yeah
--- 1:11 ---
[Bdubs] This might be pushing it for you, a little bit. I don't want to push you too hard
[Etho] Mhm. You thinking about texturing the floor?
[Bdubs] *laughs*
[Etho] But I can texture too like, I know how to texture
[Bdubs] Yeah yeah yeah! Oh I know you can. I- I know. I know that too much is uncomfortable
[Etho] Mhm
[Bdubs] Right?
[Etho] I- I don't know what it is
[Etho] Like I like it when you do it
[Bdubs] Sure, yeah. But it can be too much.
[Bdubs] Yeah. It's more for advanced H- *laughs* HSL type people
[Etho] *laughs*
--- 1:44 ---
*chill music*
[Bdubs] That roof, It's less than a forty-five degree angle. It's like a-
[Etho] It's flatter right?
--- 1:51 ---
[Bdubs] I'm soo… puffed up as a builder. Okay
[Etho] Mhm
[Bdubs] that you can say anything and it won't hurt me. I can take it
[Etho] I feel like you need, like, some… semi-rooves lower down like, like at the four-five block height… kinda thing. You know what I mean? Like those little overhangs to something underneath
[Bdubs] I thought I could take it and I can't
[Etho] *laughs* Oh no, I crushed him
[Bdubs] *laughs*
--- 2:21 ---
*inspired piano music*
[Etho] Look at that build
[Bdubs] Come on now
--- 2:25 ---
*gentle piano and distant chatter*
--- 2:31 ---
[Bdubs] Jevin, Ethan, I'm coming. er, Etho. Ethan? Ethan
[Etho] Ethan? [Jevin] Ethan!
[Etho] Ethan hunt! [Jevin] Ethan I'm coming!
--- 2:36 ---
*silly music*
[Etho] Okay connected. *laughs* What??
[Bdubs] Oh noo!!
[Etho] *laughs* I have never seen anything like that before
[Bdubs] It's worse!
[Etho] *laughing* How is that possible?
--- 2:49 ---
*wither shriek*
[Bdubs] Wait! You hear that?
[Etho] Is that cub? Oh I think Cub's after you
[Bdubs] It could be Hypno *wither shriek*
[Etho] Oh my goodness *wither shriek*
[Etho] Oh my goodness, they're coming Bdubs *wither shriek*
[Etho] They're coming!
[Bdubs] It could be Hypno!
*wither shriek*
[Bdubs] Oh it's you!!
[Etho] *laughs*
[Bdubs] Ohhh!
[Etho] *laughs* [Bdubs] *laughs*
--- 3:09 ---
[Etho] Alright, we're gonna go by seniority here. Bdubs
The video begins with a man driving as text appears “Homemade flowers for the girl”
Cutting off some of his beginning dialogue, he explains that he stopped by the grocery store for flowers as multiple videos cut in of the flowers he’s describing.
He picked up one bundle of closed, open, and normal flowers before driving home to assemble.
“Alright let me get comfortable real quick. I’m just gonna have my Mr. Rogers moment here and get a little comfy” he states as he rolls up his sleeves and begins removing the flower bundles from their plastic encasings.
“Now it’s time to prep the flowers. Listen mc you can’t give it to her in the plastic wrap. Remember you’re giving her a gift, not a task.”
As he’s shown cutting off the thorns and removing and bruised petals, he continues, “And don’t wait for a holiday to do this-“
“Leaves and buds in water will quickly rot” appears on screen as he removes them.
“Just because flowers are the best kind of flowers.
Oh and here’s a tip. Save a flower for yourself, right? And when that flower dies, that’s when you know it’s time to get her new flowers.”
Throwing his tied tie over his shoulder he grabs a vase off screen.
“Alright, now grab yourself a vase, Florlab sent me this one, thank you. Measure the stem (of the flower) to the base of the vase and the greenery will help the flowers stay in place.”
More text, “cut at an angle” appears as he does so and begins placing the flowers, “And now just have fun! Use your creativity and design, express yourself through flowers and then boom. This is for you, and this is for her” he finishes off, panning to a beautifully decorated white vase with green decoration leaves and pink and white flowers
As you might know, Homestuck has a pilot episode! I started reading Homestuck AFTER I watched the pilot (so, like, somewhere in early February 2026?). I think the pilot is fun but lacks some interesting things about Homestuck. One of those is the typing logs! Instead of texting each other, the beta kids call each other instead in the pilot.
I'm pretty sure they made this change to make the pilot more enjoyable. Instead of the kids just staying at their computers texting eachother, they'd call and move around. However, this makes the pilot lose their uniqueness of typing quirks/styles. Yea, their calls and how they speak reflect their typing styles (well, except for Dave for obvious reasons), but what about the colors? The leetspeek Terezi has? The all caps Karkat has? Etcetera. So I propose the idea of stylized Closed Captions!
> STYLE 1
This stylized CC is THE CLOSEST to the original Pesterlogs. The font is Courier New (aka the font used for Pesterlogs), the text color being the respective characters' colors, and a white background at 80% opacity to avoid background clash. The text follows the characters' typing quirk.
Some cons of this CC is that it'd be confusing for new viewers of Homestuck to understand who's talking since it uses the abbreviations of their users. As well as difficult typing quirks makes this VERY unusable.
"Then what's the point if the CC's isn't doing its purpose!?" The purpose for this style is to be AS CLOSE as it can to look like the original Pesterlogs. It sacrifices the use of captions existing in the first place. So, what do I offer in replacement?
> STYLE 2
This version is a lot safer. Same style as before, but the text will be in proper grammar as well as the addition of the first name in all caps with a colon(:). This also references Spritelogs! Why Spritelogs? Well, you talk to the Sprites in person. In this context, they're talking to each other in person as opposed to texting. It'd make sense to use their real name.
The only downside (if you even consider this a downside) is that no typing quirks are used. That's it.
> STYLE 3
I call this one the narrator text. Keeping the Courier New font resembles the text the viewers will read, or the narrator will say.
It's simple, readable, and easy to understand! I'd use this as the default captions. No styles, but it keeps the Homestuck charm.
EXTRA — Other Languages
Reading back at this, I forgot to mention one case scenario. What about other languages? Well, overall, I suggest they stick with the narrator text!
Translation (Bahasa Indonesia -> English): LOOK IN THE SKY, NUMBNUTS!!
Considering the narrator text is already in perfect grammar and what not, it'd be the easiest to quickly translate to other languages—not using a machins, but it's WAY easier to translate text when there's no typing quirks.
While, yes, it MAY be possible for some languages to be translated and keep the typing quirks—it's not exactly very convenient, production-wise.
Translation (Bahasa Indonesia -> English): and you guys say I'M spacey?
Think of it like this, you have a show, and you want to translate it to, I don't know? 25 languages for the widest variety. Let's say 5 of those languages are in the latin alphabet. 5 times 2 is obviously 10. This can quickly be quite a hassle when you need to translate both the original language and then convert it to their typing styles. Some might be easy because there's already a website that can translate plain text to another persons typing style. But it won't apply for everyone. Also, considering the usage of slang words, it just gets confusing. Ignoring the logical aspect, I think it'd be pretty cool. But reality is reality and we can't have all cool things :(
That's a lot to read. Well, these are just suggestions. I doubt they'd be used genuinely used for the pilot. Unless the creators magically stumble upon this and give it some consideration... either way! I would be happy if these captions are added. Text is a very huge thing for Homestuck. I can never escape people using typing quirks and whatnot. So adding it in would make me very happy! Especially because lots of media usually uses basic CC. While that isn't bad, Homestuck should take advantage on how customizable captions can be. Why not use it to embed those unique text Homestuck has always been known for?!?!?!?!
Well. That's it for my yap. I'm usually known for my edits (check them out!!!!!!), but I wanted to use my design knowledge to propose something I'm very interested in. That being cool CC's and Homestuck text. Thanks for reading!
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