#clericlost

*BREAKS DOWN DOOR*

decorations glitter in the mirrored light of a twirling disco ball . streamers sway with the force of the air conditioner , recently switched on to make up for the numerous young bodies moving and shaking inside of hawkins gymnasium , despite the dropping temperatures out . in the chairs opposite the door , on the far side , el is talking to max , talking dresses , laughing at strange dance moves that have just come into fashion . lucas and dustin once again talk about his dance with nancy last year , how nice she was , how he was still her favorite - lucas , of course , didn’t believe she had said that , but the conversation continues . mike and will sit side by side , mike’s elbows on his knees , one bouncing to the rhythm of the music , looking at his hands instead of the extensive wave of students .

the snowball wasn’t all it was cracked up to be , really . the year before , mike had only wanted to go because el had never been able to experience anything like this . this year , he had to be dragged into going , forced into dressing up in a stuffy suit , tie loosened at the neckline , shoes uncomfortable . not to mention that mike wasn’t much of a dancer , anyway . it was sort of disappointing . still , it seemed like his friends were having fun . most of the time , that’s all he cared about .

a slower song comes on ; something you can still tap your foot to , but couples instantly join up , real close , grabbing each other by the waist , intertwining fingers around the neck . mike’s face scrunches a bit , before eyes travel to will . he doesn’t know how the dance with that girl went - hadn’t asked yet , wasn’t sure if will would want to talk about it - but he imagined it couldn’t have gone exactly as planned , if he wasn’t dancing with her now .  he gets an idea , then . the tune isn’t the greatest , or the most hopping , but mike stands , offering a hand out to will , made brave by the dimming of the disco ball .

‘ i saw you flinch , ’ mike sounds like he’s scolding will , but he’s just worried - worried that his friend still wasn’t over the events , that there was still something inside of will that wasn’t , exactly , will . brows crease as he stares , trying to come up with the right words for the confrontation . ‘ you don’t have to pretend you’re okay . i know you’re not . ’ a pause . ‘ friends don’t lie , ’

          the  increasingly  familiar  fluttering  in  his  ribcage  is  back,  and  he  fixes  his  bashful  gaze  to  his  lap.  a  cacophony  of  conflicting  feelings  are  constantly  at  war  within  him—something  his  parents  would  simply  insist  are  a  result  of  puberty  and  teenage  hormones—and  perhaps  they  aren’t  entirely  wrong,  but  it’s  more  than  that.  relationships  are  simply…complicated,  and  there  isn’t  really  any  explaining  them.  it’s  too  confusing,  anyway.

          and  yet,  per  usual,  will  is  one  of,  if  not  the,  only  person  to  help  mike  push  through  the  suffocating  thoughts  and  self-doubt.  he  doesn’t  like  to  think  about  it,  but  he  has  a  need  to  be  needed  and  the  more  time  goes  on,  the  more  he  realizes  that,  perhaps,  people  don’t  need  him.  he’s  been  told  otherwise,  but  he’s  seen  how  the  others  behave—he  knows  that  they’d  fair  just  fine  without  him.

          he’s  already  been  lamenting  to  will  about  this—unsure  how  will  isn’t  sick  of  hearing  his  voice  already—and  how  he’s  still  just  a  ( questionably )  lucky  nerd  and  nothing  more;  how  the  things  that  have  happened  could’ve  happened  to  anyone  else.

          ‘you’re  not  just  anyone.’

          the  words  have  ricocheted  around  in  mike’s  head  since  will  uttered  them,  and  while  it’s  still,  admittedly,  hard  for  mike  to  wrap  his  head  around,  he  appreciates  the  sentiment.  will’s  words  carry  weight  and  mike  can’t  help  but  feel  touched  by  them.