#civilization v

The protagonist of The Gene Machine, Mr. Featherstonehaugh (pronounced "Fanshawe": "F - silent E - A - silent T - silent H - silent E - silent R - S - silent T - silent O - N… …swap the N and the S - silent E - H - A - U - G - H… HAWE") encounters the Earl of Lytton at the Highborn Club.

"Earl of Lytton" is a hereditary title, and nothing in the game dialogue easily hints at which historical Earl this is supposed to be. The presence of Queen Victoria in the game undisambiguates matters somewhat, since the Earldom was created in 1880 and Queen Victoria died in 1901…

But unfortunately, this means this earl could still be either Robert Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Earl of Lytton, who died in 1891, or his son, Victor Bulwer-Lytton, 2nd Earl of Lytton, who took the title after.

(By the way, if you saw the name Bulwer-Lytton and thought, "Hey, the guy to blame for 'It was a dark and stormy night'"—right family, wrong person. That was actually Robert Bulwer-Lytton's father, Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton.)

(I didn't name these people. They came to me like this.)

So can we narrow down this earldom a little bit further? Arguably, yes.

Early in the game, Mr. Fanshawe (who I'm calling "Fanshawe" because even the game doesn't bother spelling the whole thing out after it can get away with ducking it) encounters a certain Joanathan T. Ripper in Whitechapel. The fellow introduces himself as both a Doctor to the Royal Household and a Freemason, and he's got a rather low opinion of his surroundings.

Fanshawe, no fan of the lower class himself, suggests Dr. Ripper take a stand against the area's "peddlars of sin," an encouragement that Dr. Ripper eagerly receives—the implication here being that Fanshawe has unintentionally given this Jack-the-Ripper-to-be some inspiration.

(If this seems a bit random to you, I'm pleased to tell you it actually ain't so—Dr. Ripper here is based on a real person, Sir William Withey Gull, 1st Baronet, who really was a Physician-in-Ordinary to Queen Victoria. A fringe theory from the 1970's—dismissed almost instantly—put forth that he was part of a Freemasonic conspiracy to kill Mary Jane Kelly, Mary Ann Nichols, Annie Chapman, and Elizabeth Stride to keep them from revealing that Prince Albert Victor, the second-in-line to the throne, had fathered a child out of wedlock with a Catholic woman—the risk of a potential Catholic heir being enough to justify all of that, apparently.)

(As I said, it's a widely panned theory—but it's interesting enough that more than one author has utilized it for historical fiction, including Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell in their graphic novel In Hell.)

The Jack the Ripper murders began in 1888, which means that if there's an Earl of Lytton, it's got to be the first one. Mind, the real earl looked a bit more earlish…

… Maybe he hasn't grown into it yet? Or maybe I'm taking a comedy point-and-click adventure game a lot more seriously than anyone ever ought to.

… Nah, it's definitely the first one.

"Wait a minute, that's Queen Elizabeth in Civilization V, not Queen Victoria." You're slightly wrong, actually, which luckily for me is wrong enough. Queen Elizabeth's Queen-Elizabethness is used in the Scramble for Africa scenario to sub for Queen Victoria, and is renamed accordingly.

The scenarios do this a lot. For example, here's Paul Kruger, who I promise is not George Washington:

Tribes of Midgard

When your Viking dude reaches level 3, they gain the ability to summon a horse to ride. This horse is only for riding. The moment you get off the horse, whether to collect resources or fight enemies, the horse vanishes back into the aether. The horse does not get involved in combat. This is a pitiful horse. Though you can get a cosmetic effect to turn them into giant chickens, which is cool.

The Longest Journey + Dreamfall + Dreamfall Chapters

The closest thing to a horse is the Arcadian elgwan, but they're pretty docile. Some puzzles involve spooking them into being a distraction but there's never a sense of anyone being in danger.

Day of the Tentacle

There is one horse in this game, owned by the Edison family of 18th Century. It can talk, which is probably a reference to the classic TV series Mr Ed, a reference that went completely over my head as a young British child but I am now familiar with as an older British adult. The horse is kind of rude to you, but you put it to sleep (actual sleep) and steal its teeth, which makes it less intimidating.

Jack Orlando: A Cinematic Adventure

You are warned about the horse in this game ahead of time, so you don't really get a chance to provoke it and it stays docile, happily eating oats. You do need the horseshoe lying nearby to commit hate crimes, but that's not actually the horse's fault in any way.

Sid Meier's Civilization IV + V + VI

Horses (collectively) are a resource in these games, used almost exclusively in the production of cavalry units. This does make them slightly more unnerving, though in all these cases they are being ridden by a soldier and not doing the attacking themselves. They can also be a source of Production and, sometimes, Food. In Civ 5, they also let you build a circus.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion + V: Skyrim

Horses can fight in this series, they just die very quickly or run off and leave you to fight alone, which is very true to life. In Oblivion you can ever get horse armour to help they stay alive for, like, 2 extra seconds before they die anyway. Shadowmere is better as in both games she/he (it seems to change) can do more damage than a regular horse and is effectively immortal, though in Skyrim you need to get them back from where you found them each time.

Then we have the Oblivion Unicorn. Fuck that unicorn, I mean seriously, to hell with that thing. This is the most realistic depiction of a horse I have ever seen in a video game, as it decides it hates you and tries its very best to murder you at the slightest provocation. Literally, even having your weapon raised is enough to put you on its hitlist. It has no understanding of mercy and even if it did, it would deny you it.

Terraria

Horses (along with a unicorn) are also mounts in this game, allowing the player to speed across the map. They can't attack by themselves but if taken to a high speed then they will do damage to enemies they make contact with along the way, which anyone who has been trampled by a runaway horse will tell you is completely accurate.