*crawls out of a hole* Hey a guy, still alive here👋
Social battery and Energy in general still in the dumps (slowly recovering, but, slowly), but I realized that the last post i made that wasn't a aueyed reblog was over two weeks ago And about a Fire&smoke situation right before and exam so... Yeah, Sorry i went dark . Not exactly a Great Moment to 😅🙇♀️
So much stuff happened in the last weeks and i... yeah, I'm Just going to infodump/overshare about *waves at imaginary small mountain* all of that. Going to try and get to all the backlogged notes, mentions, messages and asks as soon as i can but First proof of Life to all my moots cuz you are all probably worried sick and I'm so Sorry༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
... Also, i have yet to spam post/reblog Anything for pride month and that's just. No. Yeah, no, must fix that asap. But First, Life updates!
So, in chronological order.
Failed the exam, so now i'trying to prep that One AND another One for July. Doesn't sound fun. Is Not fun. But I'm Really trying to avoid having to go for the September round cuz that will be even more stressful since it's the last of the 2025-2026 year🥲. After, class starts again and I am BAD at prepping AND following lessons at the same time. Like, Really bad. ಥ‿ಥ
Next up, happier news, the end year recital for Circus school was that same weekend so a good pickmeup. It was and Absolute chaotic mess, everyone was scrambling to get to their posistions at any given time, tools were laying anywhere any everywhere except for where they were supposed to be by the halfway point, juggling tools kept Being dropped/not collaborating on stage, and It was beautiful. I love that mess, It makes me feel human, gives me Joy and in It i Feel alive like nowhere else. I'm never changin my username, ever.
Also, apparently braids and actually listening to them Is enough become the favorite adult of virtually any kid under 12 and maybe even older, so now i have at least ten little girls that will come up to me and start to chat about their day or ask me to braid their hair or to be picked up for a piggyback ride or to be spun around. Or skip the asking part and go straight for the "jumping on my back" to get a ride. That too. I love Kids.
Next up, It appears that i am officially part of a friend group now? First time outside of the circus group, but I got added to groupchat with a bunch of Uni Friends to go to a local Museum and now the chat Is still in use to organize more outings and if i don't see or answer a text asking to hang out someone Is going to dm me so i know It wasn't Just spam in the chat but actual relevant stuff. And they don't want to leave me out. It feels nice to be actively included rather than Just, kinda accepted as Being there cuz it'd be rude to exclude me. Social battery takes hits, but It feels Good. Uhhh that was to Say, outing with friend group to One of said friends singing recital the day After the circus show!
And then ANOTHER outing the day After cuz It was he bd of One of my sister's Friends. And their friend group Is almost entirely made up of Friends from middleschool so i've known them for Years too and at this point I'm basically everyone's younger sister AND part of the group. It's fun using the three years age difference to give everyone existential dread.
(p.s. and this Is around the time the Fire was officially, fully, finally out. Yup, took an entire week. Give or take a day maybe. Still wondering what the heck happened and won't be eating any locally grown veggies, but it's over at Least)
THEN FRIDAY MY PHONE'S SCREEN STARTS TO GIVE UP ON MY WITHOUT WARNING AT 9PM AND HALF THE SCREEN JUST DOESN'T RESPOND IR STARTS TO CLICK STUFF AT RANDOM WTF DUDE GIVE NE A WARNING. At Least the orevious One was acting a bit haunted before its time was up so i had time to look for decent stuff on sale for good prices. But nooo, THIS guy goes from perfectly functioning to half a centimeter of pixelated but perfectly responding screen to HALF TGE SCREEN IS DEAD THE OTHER HALF IS A MINEFIELD IN THE SPAN OF THREE HOURS. It's a miracle and a testment to my dad's Speed and chill that i managed to get a compatible model and transfer everything to the new phone by the following afternoon before the glitchy screen decided It would be fun to delete whatsapp before i could get the backup done or something. Had to spend twice as much as for the old One cuz Didn't have time to be picky and wait for sales, which I'm still unhappy about, but my stuff didn't get Lost unlike after my First phone decided liquido crystals were overrated and gave up on me despite not having even a single scratch on It, so, could have been worse i Guess.
And lastly, sunday, aka Yesterday. And guys, so much stuff happened. So. Much.
First, Happy news, finally got to have my First swim of the Summer and maaan i missed the water (〒﹏〒). Ha do be Quick cuz i haven't built up a decent tan yet and don't want to get a sunburn, but even that half hour fed something in my soul😄
Aaand next up Is something I'm probably going to have an existential/identity crisis later when I have the mental Energy to think about what happened. Cuz, i might have a boyfriend now? I think?? Just, yesterday afternoon i went for a walk with a friend from highscool who i have kept in touch with. Nice guy, bit shy, we catch up about once a month about out lives. Our classmates used to ship Is i think. And we occaasionally hang out when time allows. I think I used to have a crush on him in school, but i've never had A Crush resembling in any way anything anyone i know ever had. It was milder than what i thought crushes were supposed to be, more like "he's nice, i can kinda picture domestic life with this person" and less "i wanna kiss this One/I'll turn in a babbling mess i can't talk/can't stop thinking about them". So i ignored that after a few months. (And in the meantime i discover what demisexual/demiromantic/asexual/aromantic Is, and boy did i vibe to that stuff. Def much more than to the lovesick stories of my aunt falling in love with random guys every other week or not feeling like a holiday trip was satisfying unless She fell for someone. My crushes were always more "huh, domestic fluff material?" Than "I NEED THAT PERSON TO WANT MY BODY", and also never came up before having known someone for multiple months at Least. I'm also bad at reading when someone Is interested but not totally hopeles. Learned that one from the two guys that hit on me in uni. Lol, went on three dates which i thought were friendly outings with a guy only to realize they were dates a year later. But Hey, at Least that hot me to recognize the actions of the guy that randomly started chatting with me when I was doing puzzles and happily ignoring humanity before the lecture's start a couple Years ago as flirting and not Just a squish. So there's that.) Uhh point Is, ahh, What was the point? Probably that I'm most likely NOT interested in the phisical part of relationships but had no point of reference so left It as maybe, am oblivious but not blind, and know That random strangers can find me attractive so that Is apossibility with that happening with Friends too.
Well, anyway, i had suspicions that this guy had a crush on me and didn't really mind. Not actively crushing back but that's mostly cuz we barely see each other every other month and that feels kind of out of contact. But i still kind of like Him and think he's nice if that makes sense?
Anyway, he's Always been a bit of a bumbling shy mess and thought It was a cute personality trait. Well, apparently he Is the kind of person to become like that in front of their crush cuz After Years of chill outings NOT labelled as dates passed chatting and barely making Eye Contact but still fun enough, he goes from holding my hand to kissing me in the spann of and hour during out walk yesterday. Did It Surprise me? Not too much cuz It wasn't too sudden. Did i actually expect It to happen that day? FUCK NO. I acted way more chill than i thought i would for my first kiss, so that didn't go horribly. But also. It felt exactly like nothing, It was awkward, and even if It was less gross than i thought It would be i still think that hugs or hand holding are nicer and, well, Better in every way. So, like, i didn't mind and was happy that he actually likes me and wasn't just hanging out with me cuz his parents ship us, but also, he was Way more into It than i was and other than the emotional implication kissing Is mid at best, gross and awkward at worst.
And also, we didn't talk about It much or at all yet except for the fact that he's felt like that for years and everything else was Left implied. So now I'm wondering if i do actually have a boyfriend, if I'm demisexual/demiromantic how i thought or straight Up demiromantic and asexual without Being sex repulsed and if/when I should Say that to anyone. Other than my sister, She already Knows the older stuff and I don't think the new update would be any relevant. In other news, i did tell my dad about the kiss, so, if the guy turns out to be a bit too overeager and I Need to talk about It with someone Who can help, there Will be someone i trust Who already has context! (Thanks for the paranoia non, but also, i Guess Better save than Sorry...)
AND AFTER THAT MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL TRIP COMES THE REASON I DIDN'T HAVE A FREAK OUT YESTERDAY RATHER THAN RIGHT NOW AND TGE MAIN REASON I KEPT MY CHILL.
✨Singing recital✨
That One went much smoother than the circus school One, luckily. (I sung The cave by mumford & sons btw, @frostedshadow, you know why i think :) ) the other students were Really Very Good this time, Better than any other time I can Remember, so i was a bit anxious cuz, yeah, I'd practice Good, but there Is a spot where i sometimes missed the timing by a beat or two, the ending Is a Coin toss wether i manage to Remember the mods I'd prepared or try to follow the original without thinking and end up messing up. Oh, and also, i can sing It in basically three pitches, but the highest One Is kinda meh cuz It turns out almost flat, and the lowest One Is Good enough but Is less dynamic than the middle One. And until i've warmed up my voice the higher registers are awkward af. So i had spent the morning (which, btw, i went to my sis's horse riding school on the way to the Sea house so i got to Say hi to the horses and the doggos for the First time in years. *Happy flapy Circus noises* But i didn 't have much to do, so, singing It was) singing, practicing that piece and other that Need me to raide my pitch so that there would be Hope for me in the evening. Well, It worked! Also jumpscared my dad and sis, Who i had gone day hi to the horses with and therefore Heard me sing, cuz i started in a much higher register that i had that morning and They Did Not Expect That. That was fun :) managed to get everything right and dodged the bad note in the couple of Moments i accidentally pushed too hard and almost rasped something. Never under estimate the impostance of your head's position while singing. Never.
Aaaaand that's basically It! Life update and rant/ramble and all. Now Imma add a couple of tags to this mess, find some good pride month stuff to reblog, *checks the time* ...probably have lunch... And then I'll try to human and get to the ats and notes and texts and asks i've Left to sit for the last two weeks.
I love you guys to pieces, my beloved moots. I might disappear into the forest for weeks at a time, but i love you all and that's not going to change with my energy level🫂🫂🫂.
See ya when I get the energy to human again, hopefully soon👋💖
