#cinnamoonbluefics

“You’re a hundred percent sure this is what you want?” Doctor Belladona asks you, but side-glances at Ace, who seems lost in his own thought standing at the corner of the room next to the door, before she looks back at you. You confidently nod, no doubt in your mind that this is what you want. “Let’s get you checked then and talk about what’s to come next.” She gestures with her hand for you to go and lay on the examination bed. “Ace.” She turns to him, but he doesn’t response to her. She calls him once again, but this time it is a bit louder, catching both of your attention.

He shakes his head and bilks twice before he looks at her, giving her a nod that he is paying attention to what she is saying now. “You can take a seat next to her.” A warm smile spreads across her face as she points to the chair next to the bed.

Ace glances at the chair and once again doesn’t say anything as he just nods and makes his way to sit. You follow him carefully with your eyes. He doesn’t seem well. His skin looks a bit pale, and you can see his left eyebrow twitching a bit. You are sure he is going through something in his head but won’t show it or say anything in front of you, probably because he doesn’t want you to worry about him. He is about to sit when you stop him as you reach over and grab his hand.

 “Could we just have a minute, please?” Turning to your doctor, you give her an apologetic look, but as always, she is understanding and just leaves the room. The moment you two are left alone you pat the bed, inviting Ace to sit next to you. He sits next to you without protesting and gives you a questioning look.

“Are you okay?” You tilt your head to the side, studying his face carefully.

“All good.” He shrugs, his voice not convincing at all.

“Bull.” You bitterly chuckle.

The corner of his lip lifts for a smile, but he can barely hold it for a second. “I’m not.”

Bobbing your head, you are a bit surprised that he actually admits it. “Yes, I can tell you’re not okay.” You tell him, but he is quick to correct you.

“No, I meant I’m not bullshiting you.”

A deep sigh leaves your lips. “Ace, you don’t need to do this.”

Now he is the one who takes a deep inhale and then exhale. “How many times I have to tell you that I’ll do this.” He clenches his jaw as he tries to keep his nerves under control. This doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

“I mean you don’t need to be here right now if you don’t want to.” You hesitate for a second before placing your hand on his thigh close to his knee and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’ve done it twice alone already.” Your eyes lock with him. “I can do it again.” Even though you would prefer to do it with him this time, you can’t allow yourself to tell him this. Part of you is still feeling guilty for choosing yourself and what you want over what he wants.

Ace slowly nods. “You sure about that?” His eyes narrow, his hand now placed on top of yours on his knee; for the little time you two have spent together he has already learned that you tend to put others first even if you don’t feel like it.

The fake smile you have mastered over the years makes its way on your face as fast as you blink followed by a small nod, like that would settle it. Pulling your hand away, you wave it as it will be nothing new for you to go through. “I got this.” You reassure him once again, glancing away from him as you try to swallow the heaviness that settles in your chest for a moment. After all this is the answer you expect from him, yet you wish he has chosen to stay.

He leans closer and you feel his hot breath glazing the skin between your neck and ear, causing goosebumps to run up and down your spine as he speaks. “I hope you’ve enjoyed those two appointments alone,” turning your head to face him, you freeze for a second because of how close you are to each other, your noses just millimeters from touching, “because from now on, you have to do them with me by your side.” Ace winks at you as he pulls away and holds out his fist.

Your knuckles meet in a quiet fist bump, but neither of you moves right away. This brief touch lingered for a bit longer than it is intended to, with your fists still in the air as both of you stare at the way your knuckles fit perfectly, but the shared touch brings some kind of strange comfort to both of you. It is almost like you just made a pact – that from now on you have each other and that is all this is about, and this thought alone terrifies you; because for whatever reason, being around Ace gives you this calmness of feeling safe, something that you haven’t experienced in a long time, let alone with a man.

The moment is interrupted by doctor Belladona as she enters the room again, startling both of you a bit and pulling away from each other as if you have been caught doing something you shouldn’t do. “Are you ready to start?” She asks with a smile on her face. Both of you give her a short nod, as Ace gets up and takes a seat on the chair next to the examination bed, and you lay down lifting your shirt up reviling your belly.

His eyes immediately fell on it. The bump there is still invisible, after all you are still too early in the pregnancy, but him knowing that there is something growing inside of you that he caused in the first place scares the soul out of him. This all feels like a very bad dream, a nightmare even, but even when he digs his fingers into his arm, hard enough to make his skin sting and bloom red beneath his nails, the world around him doesn’t waver, and he cannot wake up. This is all real and his biggest fear is becoming a reality. On the background he can hear yours and the doctor’s voices but everything around him feels way too disconnected at the moment.

It takes all the energy he has within himself to move his gaze away from your belly and look at the ultrasound screen on the other side of the bed. His eyes focus on the small dot on the screen. It looks a bit bigger than the first time he seen it. Yet nothing from the inside of him seems to react in a positive way. He is sure that many men in his place would be jumping up to the ceiling or cry happy tears, but all Ace can see is the consequences of one reckless night.

His eyes slowly move from the screen to your face. Your eyes are a still puffy from earlier, but now there is not an ounce of sadness in them. You look contented. The soft smile placed on your lips seems genuinely sincere it even reaches the corners of your eyes. This smile is nothing compared to the ones he has seen before on you. He does wish that he could share the same emotions that you are currently feeling, but he just cannot. All he could feel right now is undeniable dread for what is to come in less than eight months from now.

“It’s a very healthy baby, this is one thing I can assure you both.” Doctor Belladona tells you with a smile. “But don’t skip the pills I’ve prescribed you ever again.” Her tone turns serious with a warning look on her face as she hands you some paper to wipe yourself from the gel.

“I won’t.” You nod as you are taking the paper from her and softly wiping away the cold gel off your belly.

“You two want a picture of the ultrasound?” She looks at you and then Ace. You turn your head to the side to check with him and he just shrugs.

“I guess yes.” He murmurs. Last thing he wants is a reminder of this, but he needs to get used to it.

You want to tell him that he doesn’t need to have one, but you chose to keep this to yourself and not speak about it in front of your doctor. “Yes, we would like to have some.” You turn back to her, and she nods and goes to press something on the machine that quickly prints two pictures of the ultrasound.

She looks at the pictures before she hands them to you. “Last time it was the size of a pea, now at week nine is around the size of a grape.” Taking the pictures in your hand, your heartbeat fastens a bit. “They grow fast, but do not worry. You should not start showing until the second trimester.”

Your head snaps toward her, and you quickly sit upright, convinced you must have misheard. “Wait, what?” Your eyes widen in pure shock. “B-but this is in like four weeks.”

Doctor Belladonna couldn’t contain her laughter as she gently pats your shoulder. “Don’t worry, you won’t just wake up one day and have huge belly, but around the fifth month of the pregnancy you will slowly start showing.” Her words clearly don’t ease your worry that has entered your mind just now. “Look, it is different from woman to woman. You might even start showing at the end of it, but even so if you plan to hide from friends and family usually most women fail around the end of the fifth month.”

And just when you think that you can enjoy a few weeks of not stressing yourself with the situation around your pregnancy, the realization of having to tell your parents way sooner than you have planned hits you like a truck. You are not ready to face them with the news at all. Knowing your parents they will lose their minds over the fact that you randomly got knocked up and then you decided to keep it, will definitely leads to an extremely big and unpleasant argument.

Not understanding the reasons for your sudden change, doctor Belladonna reassures you once again. “Don’t worry about your body now. It will bounce back fast to what it was before the pregnancy before you know it.”

Wanting to change the subject, so you can forget about this worry for now, you clean your throat and turn to your doctor once again. “When is my next appointment?”

“Until week twenty-eight, it’s every four weeks. My assistant will email you the date and time of your next appointment.” She tilts her head slightly toward Ace. “Is he okay?”

You glance over your shoulder. Ace is still frozen in place, as if he hasn’t moved an inch. “He just needs some time,” you say softly, your eyes lingering on him. “Thank you again.” You reach out for a handshake with your doctor. “See you in four weeks.”

Scanning the room, you spot your handbag and pick it up before stepping in front of Ace and calling his name gently. He blinks once, then twice and finally looks up at you. “We can go now.”

He doesn’t say anything as he gets up and follows after you. His body is on an autopilot, while his mind is on the run.

Walking out of the hospital, you look back at him, and his state hasn’t changed one bit. “What have I done…” You murmur under your breath as you shift to face him. You suddenly stop on your track causing him almost bumping into you.

He stops short, blinking as if reality catches up with him. A faint crease appears between his brows as he looks at you, his head tilting slightly. The question in his eyes is if everything is okay, though he seemed too lost to put it into words.

“Ace, you don’t look okay.” Concern warms your features, plain in the way your eyes soften and refused to look away.

One corner of his mouth parted slightly, as though he was about to speak, then he just shrugs. “I’m fine. Just tired and I have a headache.” Bringing his fingers to his forehead he presses it hard. His head is killing him, at least for this he isn’t lying to you; only the part that he is fine.

A faint furrow appeared between your brows and your eyes lingered on him. Your lips press together in disapproval, as you slightly shake your head. “Look, I know that you didn’t want today to turn out like this, but if we’re going to do this together, we must be honest with each other.” Mentally, you tap yourself on the shoulder for finding the strength in you to say this out loud. You might be a bit calmer now, but still the situation is far from ‘calm’.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, trying his best to shut off all the thoughts running though his mind. He throws his hands up as he opens his eyes and looks at you. The gesture lacks any emotion; he is too tired to put any energy into it. “You’re right.” He lets go a deep exhale. “I did not want this,” he points with his eyes at your belly, “to go this way, but as I told you upstairs – we got this.” Running one hand over his messy raven black hair with a little pull on the roots, he reminds himself to stay grounded and not allow the anger he is starting to feel building up erupting on you. Seeing you slumping on the spot he is quick to add, “I just need some time to accept that this is happening, okay?”

Your fingers find a strand of hair and begin to tug at it. The old habit has lingered since childhood. It always resurfaces when you're overwhelmed and desperate to escape. Avoiding his gaze, you just nod. He probably hates you at this point, is the thought that runs into your mind, but you try your best to push it away. “I understand.” You quietly tell him, adverting your eyes from the pavement to the sky.

It’s been almost two hours since you two have been here. The sun is not settling yet, but its reflection is mirroring the buildings around you making the surroundings warmer, which is strange. You don’t feel warm, despite the hot weather and the warmer tones embracing you. You expect that once you make the choice that you wanted to make in the first place you will feel at ease, but how you felt two hours ago and how you feel now don’t feel much different. Now you have double the things to worry about, if not triple, but this is the choice you made and now you must endure everything that is to come.

A sudden call of your name and a gentle tug of your chin, Ace makes you look at him. “We’re both exhausted, aren’t we?” He offers you the most sincere smile he can pull from himself right now.

“How are you getting home?” You ask him, completely changing the subject, maybe for the better for both of your sakes.

“I have my bike over there.” He jerks a thumb over his shoulder. Lifting on your tiptoe, you look over his shoulder to where he just pointed at. Your eyes land on a red motorbike, making your pupils grow twice their size, then you look back at him and let out a little puff of laughter, which makes him chuckle. “What?”

Shaking your head, you waved a hand in front of your face and let out a soft giggle, amused by your own reaction. “When you said bike, I though you meant bicycle at first, and then I saw what you meant by it,” eyeing him up and down you gesture with your hand at him, “and I don’t get why I got surprised at first.” Your shoulders bounced with silent laughter, cringing at your own naivety. “You and,” opening your mouth, you pause for a second, then simply flap your hands toward the bike, "that-"

Ace interrupts you fast, “Me and that?”, he nods with his chin at you as he crosses his arms pretending to be offended, but it is obvious that he is finding this more amusing than accusing of whatever you are about to throw at him.

“I-it just makes sense.” You wave your hands between him and the bike.

Looking between you and the bike, he hums thoughtfully. How is this making any sense? What do you mean by this? Tilting his head to look at you, he opens his mouth then he closes it. He is too tired to dig into this, but he does find it entertaining in a way that whatever connection you make between him and his bike has piqued his interest. “Okay, how about this,” he says, as he nods his head for you to follow him as he starts walking, “you get to tell me more about what sense me and my bike make later this week. How does this sound?”

Stopping next to your car, you are taken a bit by surprise to hear this. You don’t expect him to want to meet up so soon after today. In your mind, next time you would have probably meet is for the next ultrasound, if he even wants to be there. You are pleasantly surprised that he would like to spend some time getting to know each other.

Not getting any response from you, Ace cringes a bit at himself. Maybe, this comes out too pushy. Maybe you don’t want to spend time together to get to know each other and just meet when it is time for your ultrasound appointments, if you even want him there.

Both of you begin speaking at the same time and stop at the same time, sharing an awkward laugh.

“You first.” You tell him, but he shakes his head and gestures at you.

“No, you first.” You’re about to protest, but Ace stops you. “Please. Just say what you wanted to say.”

Drifting your eyes to the ground to hide the smile that blooms on your face, you clear your throat before speaking up. “I-I wanted to say, that I would loved if we…,” shrugging awkwardly, not knowing exactly how to say what you want to say, you focus your gaze on your shoes and the way you shift your weight on your heels back to your toes, swaying your body a bit, “if we… you know… get to know each other?” Your voice cracks a bit at the end. You pray he doesn’t interpret this in the wrong way. “Like, I would love to skip all the lawyers involvement and we just get to be friends and you know,” finding the courage you finally look up and meet his gaze, “we get to co-parent without a schedule dictated by some judge, and skip all that unnecessary stress for you, me and Dot.” Your hand slides gently onto the bottom of your stomach, creasing it gently.

His eyes follow the movement of your hand. The reminder of the life growing inside of you giving him chills down to his spine. “Yea, that’s good.” Squeezing the back of his neck with one hand, he slowly nods. “We’re on the same page for this. I’d loved to skip all that mess, too.”

This time you don’t hide your smile. “Nice. Perfect.” At least one of your worries is scratched from the long to do list you must complete in the months left until Dot’s arrival. You slide your handbag off your shoulder and rummage through it looking for your car keys. Once you find them you unlock your car and without expecting it, Ace beats you to it as he opens the door for you. You thank him and get into your car.

Ace leans with one hand on the open door and the other on the hood of the car, taking in the sight of you. Even with puffy eyes, and almost no makeup left from the tears you had cried earlier, he cannot deny that he still finds you undeniably beautiful. “This is just a plus for the kid.” He thinks to himself but quickly shakes the thought away. “So, how does Sunday sounds to you?”

“Sunday sounds great.”

“Cool.” Taping the roof of your car, he pushes away from it. “Drive safe. Text me when you’re home.”

“You, too.” You tell him before he shuts the door and makes his way to his bike. Follow him with your eyes, you take a deep breath in and out. This man is definitely something, but you are not entirely sure if he is something good or not. Only time will tell if the man who happens to be the father of your unborn child is what your gut feeling is telling you so far – a good man.

The apartment door opens with a bang and slams even harder, the sound echoing in the whole building. Pressing his back on the door, Ace takes a deep breath in, hand still on the doorknob. Even with all windows left open, the air feels heavy and not enough. His skin is on fire, and he can feel his sweat soaking on his T-shirt. Pushing himself from the door, he takes off the shirt with one shift move as he walks in further in the apartment.

Despite the outside noise, the space around him feels too quiet. Every sound feels magnified – the wind blowing from the windows which slightly moves the curtains, the faint noise that can usually be heard from the street below, the hum of the refrigerator, the neighbors’ steps from the apartment above, everything sounds too quiet right now. Everything but his own mind.

The muscle on his legs starts to ache as he paces back and forth, legs feeling heavier with every step he takes. Livingroom, to the open kitchen space that connects it, to the hallway, and back. Back and forth, back and forth. He cannot find his place. Every time he wants to stop and take a breath, he is afraid that if he stops, he will fall apart.

His heartbeat increased so much that it feels like it has no longer a steady rhythm, but a hammering presence beneath his chest. His hands tremble, obvious to his eyes as he raises them to run his fingers through his hair, which stuck to his face as the cold sweat has taken over his entire body. Pulling on his roots the unbearable headache he has doesn’t seem to go away but only get worse. His stomach feels hollow and heavy at the same time, twisting in a knot that seems to tighten with every breath he tries to take. His jaw hurts from clenching it so hard. Every attempt to unclench it seems to fail and he feels like soon he might end up in the emergency for a broken jaw, if it is even possible for a person to break their own jaw from clenching it too hard.

The apartment suddenly feels small. The hallway seems smaller than it was in the morning and the living room starts to narrow its walls every time he enters it. His chest seems too small for his body, as if something wants to crawl out of his ribs.

Trying everything possible to anchor himself, he leans on the kitchen counter, digging his fingers into the surface as his knuckles turn white. All the knowledge he has on how to calm a person during a panic attack seems to fade away from his mind. Then a thought hits him; is he having a panic attack? Him of all people having panic attack? No, this is impossible. He needs to just breathe. If he remembers how to.

Digging his fingernails deeper into the countertop, he once again tries to anchor himself. “Try to breathe, try not to think”, he keeps on reminding himself.

And for one suspended moment he does so. He just stays motionless. Eyes fixed on the kitchen cupboards. Breathing. Listening to the pulse roaring in his ears. Skin hotter than it has ever felt before. His eyes hurt. Everything suddenly hurts. A loud curse rips from the bottom of his soul as he swings his hand and knocks off a glass left on the countertop making it fall on the ground and breaking it into pieces.

The anger he felt earlier starts to flow freely now. Hot and violent. Loud. Anger feels right. Anger feels easier than whatever he is feeling right now. It is times easier to feel this way than admitting the thing he has dreaded since he was a teenager is about to come true, and he cannot do anything to prevent it.

He starts to pace again. Faster now. Kitchen. Livingroom. Hallway. Back and forth, back and forth. His pulse so increased that it slowly starts making him feel dizzy. His hands are shaking violently at this point. Dragging them through his hair once again as he grips the back of his neck.

Nothing is helping – counting to ten even to hundred, taking one breath in and holding it and then out, shaking his body, it doesn’t matter. Nothing helps easy his mind or steady his heart.

Finding himself next to the countertop in the kitchen once again, he strikes it with his fist. Pain shoots up his arms, but it is not enough of a relief. So, he strikes it again. And again. And again. Welcoming the pain with each hit. Somehow the pain makes it easier to focus on the painful realization that he of all people will be becoming a father. That realization itself crushes something in him.

The apartment seems to sway around him. Not enough for him to fall, but just enough for him to realize how exhausted he feels out of nowhere. A sharp pain burst in his head as if he was being struck with an arrow. Pressing the palm of his hand to his forehead as if this would help to ease the pain.

The anger that has been carrying him around suddenly doesn’t feel enough. Stagging a step, then another, his breaths come out in a harsh burst, each one scrapping his throat. His knees feel weak and unreliable, so he reaches for the countertop but misses. He just stays there for a moment with all the strength he has left, as his body swaying. The piercing silence returns once again, but this time it is even sharper, making his ears hurt. “It’s happening. I’m going to be a dad.” His own voice feels distant as if it is not even his.

Then finally his knees gave up. He collapses on the floor. The impact with the hard wooden floor jarred his body, but he barely feels it as everything goes black.

Something rough and wet scraps across his cheek. Once. Twice. Pause. Then again. It is insistent and annoying. His face twitches and eyebrows frown. Despite all his effort to open his eyes and find where this weird sensation is coming from, the darkness consuming him feels thick and heavy. Not only his eyes feel heavy, but so does his whole body as he attempts to lift his hand to at least push away that thing from his face, but he cannot find the strength to even move his fingers.

A very familiar sound follows. A loud, sharp, demanding meow pierced his ears, followed by another lick this time on his forehead.

Slowly his consciousness starts to surface. Not waking so much as drifting upwards from very deep dark water. Except for the constant licks that his face continues to receive, Ace starts to feel the rest of his body slowly waking up as well. The floor under him feels harder than ever as if it is made of nails. The back of his neck throbs with pain from being bent at an awkward angle for who knows how long. The pain finds him faster than his whole consciousness does.

Ace pries one eye open. The apartment ceiling swims into the view. Blurred. Too dark, the only light creeping in coming from the window. He squints immediately. What has happened? Did his narcolepsy kick in again? He swears he remembers the apparent brighter. How long has he been on the floor?

Opening his eyes again, the world around him comes out in a blur. A shadow moves above him. Then a fuzzy round face appears. Whiskers brushed his skin as big dark eyes stare directly into his. His sight slowly adjusts to the surroundings. Kotatsu meows again and licks the tip of Ace’s nose. “Ew!” His voice rasps like sandpaper as he turns his head to the other side. Kotatsu on the other hand, doesn’t feel offended at all by his owner’s reaction. Instead, he bumps his furry soft head on Ace’s cheek, gently caressing it.

Finally gaining some control over his body, Ace lifts his hand and pets the head of his beloved cat with the same gentleness Kotatsu handles him with.

His throat is raw. It feels like he has spent hours screaming. His mouth is too dry to even attempt to swallow the pain away. Kotatsu wet tongue finds Ace’s cheek once again and attacks him with more licks now when he knows that his human is awake. Ace has enough of it and tries to push the, not small at all, cat away, but his body jerks with pain.

He sucks in a breath. His ribs hurt. Not from any injury, but from strain. The muscles between them ache from fighting for air for so long. Even breathing too deeply now sends dull pain radiating through his chest. The awareness crept back into his body. His shoulder feels numb where it has been pressed against the hardwood floor. Pins and needles tingles down his arm. His lower back throbs. One knee ache where it has been twisted beneath him. Every muscle in his body felt heavy and overworked, as though he has run the longest marathon known in history. Sweat has long since cooled, adding a surprisingly nice feeling to his aching body, but he can also feel the stickiness of it.

Somewhere outside, a car horn blares then a siren wails probably a few streets away before it fades into the city noise. Someone laughs outside the apartment building. A dog barks. Ordinary sounds you might catch on at this time of the night. Yet the sounds seem distant. Muffled. Ace stares at the ceiling and listened.

For a brief moment, he couldn't remember why he is lying on the floor. The confusion feels almost peaceful. Then the reason why returns. Not gradually. All at once. The panic. The pacing. The realization. His biggest fear.

His stomach twists so violently he thinks he might be sick. His chest still aches. His head still pounds. Pain lingers in his neck, his shoulders, his ribs. But emotionally, he feels disconnected from all of it. Like his mind has exhausted itself and simply shut down. He should be devastated. He should be screaming, breaking things, even crying will be a valid reaction. Instead, he lays motionless on the floor, staring through the cracks in the ceiling paint.

Minutes pass. Maybe longer. He can’t tell how long he has been on the floor at this point it might have been hours. Time seems to have stopped meaning anything. The apartment feels strangely distant despite being wrapped around him.

Squeezing his eyes shut, a trembling breath escapes him. Kotatsu, sensing that something is clearly wrong with his owner, snuggles himself in the crook of his neck. A soft purring fills up Ace’s ear. Ignoring the ache in his body, Ace turns his body to the side and with shaky hand pulls the orange fluff ball in a strong grip next to his chest, snuggling with him. Kotatsu’s purring is the only thing that seems to anchor his mind and body, but it also seems to be the only thing that slowly makes him calm down. Placing a gentle kiss on top of his fluffy head, Ace snuggles him even harder.

“I fucked up, buddy.” Ace says, his voice barely reaching above a whisper. “You have no idea how much I fucked up.” He squeezes his eyes shut, only to open them and look down at Kotatsu who looks up at him with such interest in his big round eyes as if he wants to know about what Ace is talking about. “I-I… I-I’m… I’m going to be a…,” his chest tightens once again, the word reaches his throat and stick there. He has thought about it a thousand times in the past few days. Heard it whispering in the back of his mind, yet speaking it feels impossible. His mouth goes drier as if it is possible. "I-I’m going to be a father."

The sentence falls into the silence. He freezes for a moment then laughs. Not because he finds it funny or that he suddenly feels happy that the one thing he never wanted to be in life is turning into reality, but because saying it out loud doesn’t make any sense. Saying it out loud feels absurd, as if reality has made a mistake.

He repeats the words again. And again. And again. The words echo faintly through the apartment. He listens to the sound of it fading. Nothing happens. The ceiling doesn’t collapse. The world doesn’t stop turning. A car passes by outside. A pipe creaks somewhere in the building. Life continues.

And somehow this makes it worse. The words sound foreign to him, as though someone else has spoken them. He knows they are true yet hearing them aloud feels dreamlike like he is detached from reality. His mind keeps waiting for the sentence to become something impossible to ever be said out loud by him again.

“I’m not cut to be a father, you know?” Ace turns once again to Kotatsu, who hasn’t moved an inch away from the unusual coldness coming from his owner’s body. “Fuck, I don’t even take good care of you buddy!” A bitter chocked chuckles escapes him. “I made the choice to take care of you, you are practically my baby, yet I’m barely around. What about that kid I didn’t even plan to have in the first place? I’m going to be worse than my own father!” Another painful arrow strikes his heart as he continues to speak. “Fuck, I’m going to be worse than the fuckin’ Roger!” He stares ahead as he mentions his own father’s name. The man he has promised to never become like, yet he will probably be worse than him.

The words hang in the air, impossible and undeniable. He waits for something. Another wave of panic. More anger. Anything. Instead, there was only a very sad realisation and a hollow ache in his chest.

A quiet meow catches Ace’s attention, as Kotatsu starts to attack his naked chest with his wet kitten kisses. As if he is sympathizing with his sorrow but doesn’t know how to calm his favorite human.

A deep sign comes out in a shaky breath from Ace, almost like a sob. Then something tickles the corner of his eye. He raises one hand to his cheek, while with the other he still has Kotatsu in a strong protective hug.

His brows frown as his fingertips come away wet. For a moment, he simply stares at his fingers. He must have hit his head. Then he touches his cheek. A tear has followed the path of the first. Then another. He isn’t crying. At least, he doesn’t feel like he is. There is no sobbing. No lump in his throat. No overwhelming wave of emotion. Just tears slipping from his eyes.

The realization leaves him strangely unsettled. Crying felt foreign. Unnatural. He can’t remember the last time he cried. Not after a heartbreak or loss of a family member. Not after all the years spent swallowing every fear and hurt until they settle somewhere deep inside him. The last time he cried might have been when he was a child. Before he learned that tears solved nothing. Before he taught himself to hold everything in.

Yet here they are. Falling without permission. Falling because whatever walls he has built over the years had finally cracked beneath the weight of all of this.

Turning to lay on his back on the hard floor, Ace picks Kotatsu up and raises him up in the air. The streetlights, being the only source of light, lets him have a better look at his cat. “You know what buddy,” with tears still falling from his eyes, Ace sniffs before he continues, “I should’ve done that myself.” He nods at the back paws of his furry friend, where his ‘family jewels’ used to be before Ace had castrated him.

As if Kotatsu understood what his owner is referring to, he juggles his body around trying to escape Ace’s grip, but no success. “Easy, easy there.” Embracing the big fluff ball once again, Ace takes a deep breath before giving his cat one last kiss on the head before he lets him roam around the apartment freely. “You know you’re the best thing that has happened to me in life so far, right?” He softly calls after him and Kotatsu meows back as if to let Ace know that the feeling is mutual, before he disappears around the corner.

Ace follows him with his eyes before he is completely out of his sight. Adverting his eyes then to the ceiling he tries to collect himself as the tears build and blurry his vision. Pressing the pillows of his fingers to his temple, he attempts to gain his strength back and at least manage to get up from the floor, despite the pain in his body and unbearable headache. “Man up, you can’t allow yourself to whine like some bitch.” He scolds himself.

Bracing himself on his elbows, he pushes himself up from the floor. The moment he shifts his weight onto his hands; a sharp pain sparks through his right wrist. A harsh hiss escapes his lips as he jerks the hand back, cradling it against his chest. He hasn’t noticed the pain until now, “Perfect," he mutters under his breath, scowling at the throbbing joint.

As if waking up blacking out on the floor isn’t bad enough, he has somehow managed to fuck up his wrist when he was taking his anger out on the countertop. The pain pulsed with every slight movement, a constant reminder of his own carelessness.

Ace rolls his eyes and shakes his head, more irritated with himself than concerned about the injury he has caused himself. Taking a slow breath, he awkwardly pushes himself into a sitting position, being careful to keep the weight off his wrist. Another dull ache flared through his arm, earning a grimace. He rubs at his face with his free hand before finally lifting his gaze, looking around the apartment with a mixture of annoyance and growing unease.

It has to be hours since he blacked out, but the events before that are in a bit of a blur in his mind. The last thing he manages to remember is saying goodbye to you at the parking lot at the hospital, then some moments of him taking out all his rage on whatever was in front of his eyes at home. Thinking of you, he searches his pants in for his phone and thankfully he finds it in the front pocket, surprisingly in one piece.

His phone is almost dead, but he can’t bother to get to charge it now as he sees a couple of messages. Both from you and his brother Sabo. He goes through the ones sent by you first.

7:04PM You || Just got home. Let me know if you got home safe :) 8:24PM You || Did you get home? 8:26PM You || I just realize, you said you need some time… don’t feel obligated to text me back… won’t bother you again, just wanted to make sure you’re okay …

Followed by another message.

8:31PM You || I know you probably hate me for today… and I know I said that I won’t bother you again, but can you at least please seen my messages, so I know that you’re alive?

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ace squeezes his eyes as he curses himself. He is already fucking up. Looking at the time on the screen he wants to punch himself, as the last message is from fifteen minutes ago.

9:02PM You || Ace are you okay??? I’m genuinely worried about you! Pls, text me at least in the morning…

He tries to think of a good excuse, but nothing comes to his tired mind, so he quickly types in:

9:19PM Ace || I’m sorry. Had a very bad headache, fell asleep when I got home.

His message marks as ‘seen’ immediately after he sends it. A bubble that you’re typing appears on the screen, but he types faster:

9:21PM Ace || Don’t worry about me, okay? You shouldn’t stress urself :)

Your bubble disappears and then appears again. And then disappears again. This repeats a few times, when he finally receives a message from you.

9:24PM You || You’re allowed to be angry at me, you know that, right?

Yes, he knows this. He is more angry with himself than you, for better or worse. But also, he doesn’t have any energy to have this conversation with you right now, so he just sends a short answer message:

9:25PM Ace || Stop stressing! Gn :)

He doesn’t get any response from you, and he is not sure if he should take it as a good or bad sign, but he will be worrying about it tomorrow. All he wants to do now is take a cold shower and go straight to bed. After all he must wake up in less than five hours from now to go to work.

But before he gets up from the floor, he looks at the message his brother has sent him.

7:37PM Sabo || Should I start calling myself Uncle Sabo or..?

Reading this message alone is enough for Ace to throw the phone away, which thankfully lands on the couch. Sabo is ‘supposed’ to be the smartest of the bunch in their family, but sometimes Ace really asks himself which one of them is the dumbest. Given his current situation it is definitely him, but Sabo is not so far behind.

Ace stays sat for a moment, elbows resting on his knees as he waits for the last bits of dizziness to fade away. His chest still feels tight and head hurts, and he makes a mental note to himself to take a pill for the headache. He can’t comprehend that he has driven himself to unconsciousness. No matter how angry or lost he has felt before he has never blacked out, except from when his narcolepsy kicks in.

Slowly, he pushes himself on his feet. The room spins for a moment around him, causing him to take a quick pause, clearly lacking balance under his feet. Once he makes sure that floor won’t move under his feet, he makes his way towards the bathroom, desperate to wash away the sticky feeling of cold sweat off his body. On his way there, a glint of the kitchen floor catches his attention. The pieces of the broken glass that he has taken on his anger earlier are spread across the floor beside the countertop. He throws his head back and a loud weary sigh escapes him.

As much as he wants to ignore it and just take this much needed shower, he cannot risk Kotatsu stepping on the splinters and hurting himself. He crouches beside the countertop and starts to pick up the pieces in his hand. This sight makes him embarrassed and disgusted by himself. It is a proof of the version of himself he hates the most – the angry, hotheaded guy who acts on his impulses first and then, if ever, bothers to stop and think of the following consequences.

If hours ago, shattering the glass into million pieces brought him some kind of moment of relief and satisfaction, now is just a reminder of all the things he must take care of. The worst part is that he has no one to blame but himself for this behavior.

By the time he is done collecting every piece of it and making sure there is nothing left behind, he doesn’t feel any better or worse, but in his mind, there is one task less to worry about now.

With another sharp exhale he makes his way to the bathroom, longing for the hot water to hit his skin and hopefully ease his mind just a bit.

Stepping into the bathroom and flicking up the lights, Ace immediately squints as the brightness blinds him. Leaning over the sink, he opens the medicine cabinet and rummages through it in search for pain killers and hopefully some bandages because he has really fucked up his right hand.

His movement suddenly slowed down as he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looks terrible. His tanned skin has turned pale, his hair is a bigger mess than usual, dark circles are covering under his now bloodshot eyes. His whole face grimaces at the sight of him. For a moment he barely recognizes the face staring back at him.

Averting his gaze from his own reflection, he spots what he is looking for. He takes the painkillers bottle and shakes two pills in his palm, swallowing them dry. His reflection remains though; watching him with the same hallow and weary expression. Is this the face of a man that will be responsible for another life?

This thought follows him into the shower as he lets the steam of the boiling hot water embrace him and the water running on his body. He stands beneath the showerhead, eyes closed as he allows the heat to take over his aching body. Usually, a boiling hot shower like this one helps to wash off the bad days, but even this is not helping today. But there is no escape of today.

Ace lets himself absorb the noise of the running water as his mind screams loud once again. A father. The word is still so foreign to him. He rests his hand against the tiled wall and bows his head. His wet hair forms a small curtain around his face as if it would help to protect him from what is happening. He squeezes his eyes shut.

How can he become something that he never wanted to be in the first place? He has built his life so far with no intention of becoming a parent. How can he become a father, when his own was missing constantly from his life and he is far from the best example of being one to begin with.

Ace is not someone who thinks that he is, or will ever be, ready to guide another human through life or let alone raise them. Yes, everyone makes mistakes. Hell, he has made thousands of them in his life. And it isn’t the mistakes he is afraid of the kid might make one day. It is the fact that maybe, probably, one day his kid will look at him the same way Ace looks at Roger and hates the fact that they and him share the same blood… That they are made of his blood.

On top of it, Ace loves his freedom. He loves the fact that he is irresponsible and doesn’t care what tomorrow brings if he gets to live the way he wants to. He doesn’t want to be responsible for nobody but himself. And soon all of this will change. He can also name so many bad qualities about himself; he is impulse, he is a hothead, he is not patient, he has very low self-esteem despite everyone around him thinking quite the opposite. How is Ace supposed to be an ‘example’ for someone when he barely likes what he sees of himself?

How will he be able to look one day in his child’s eyes and know that he never wanted them in the first place? That instead of feeling joy and excitement, when their mother told him that she was pregnant with them, all he could feel at that moment was fear and denial. How can he look them in the eyes and tell them that if he had to make the choice they would have never been born…

A bitter laugh escapes him. That is what he loathes the most about this situation. He has no choice in it. The choice was entirely yours, and yes, you have put yourself first, but he wishes you didn’t choose this.

Of course, he could have been an asshole and talk you out of it, even threaten you, but despite how much he hates himself, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he had treated you like this. Plus, you kind of give him a choice. You have told him many times now that if he wants to, he can just ditch this responsibility, but Ace could never do this. The best quality he can say he has is that he never runs from anything (let alone such a big responsibility) but many might argue if this falls into the bad or good ‘quality’ category.

His thoughts are not getting any better or quieter. Hitting the tiles with his fist repeatedly, but not with force, he pushes away from the wall and turns off the water. The whole bathroom is dimmed by the steam, so when he gets out of the shower and wraps a towel around his hips, thankfully, the mirror over the sink is foggy so he doesn’t need to face his reflection.

Entering his bedroom, Ace doesn’t even bother to turn on the lights as the streetlights coming from the windows are enough to make his way around the room. The floor beneath him cracks as he stands in front of the wardrobe as he looks for a pair of basketball shorts to put on before hitting the bed. Finding what he is looking for, he unwraps the towel and lets it fall on the floor as he puts on the shorts. Before he closes the door, Kotatsu rushes into the room and jumps on the bed, making himself comfortable as he buries his body between the bed sheets. The way he snuggles himself in and turns into a big fluff ball makes Ace let out a short soft chuckle.

His body hits the softness of the bed. Spreading his limbs like he is being spread on a cross, Ace slowly blinks as he stares at the ceiling. Is he supposed to buy a crib soon and put it in the empty corner of the room? Or should he move out and move in to a new bigger apartment? Is that place supposed to be next to yours, so you have easier access to the baby when he is the one who takes care of it? How is he even going to take care of it? How are you two going to make it possible to begin with? Where do you even live? You two know nothing about each other… how are you going to make this work? How do you raise a child when you don’t even want one?

These questions don’t leave his mind. Turning his head to the side, he glances at the alarm clock on top of the nightstand next to the bed. It is already past midnight, and he starts work in four hours, yet despite how tired his body feels sleep doesn’t seem to find its way to him. Tuning and tossing around, trying to count sheep and trying to shut his thoughts, nothing helps and no sleeping position feels comfortable enough to fall asleep even for ten minutes.

Eventually his alarm buzzes at 3:00 am, though it doesn’t matter when he hasn’t even closed his eyes for a second and has been staring at the dark ceiling for hours consumed by his own thoughts. Hitting the snooze of the alarm, he slowly raises up and sits on the bed. His eyes feel raw and gritty, the awful feeling of being awake for so long, while his body aches with heavy exhaustion.  

Sitting on the edge of the bed, with elbows resting on his knees, he looks over his shoulders at Kotatsu who has been sleeping and purring peacefully all night long. “Lucky bastard,” Ace thinks as he reaches to scratch the fluffballs head.

Work doesn’t care if he has slept or not, so he forces himself to get up. The cold floor bit at his bare feet as he crosses the room. He moves on to his morning routine by instinct alone. Shower, even though he already has taken one just a few hours ago, Ace feels like he needs another. Brushing his teeth. Getting dressed. Putting his favorite cologne on. Each action feels detached as if he is some machine controlled by somebody else, while his mind reminds on yesterday. When he catches his reflection in the mirror in the bathroom, he feels like he has aged double in the past twenty-four hours.

His gear bag rests on its usual spot, next to the bedroom door, so he swings it over his shoulder and makes his way to the front door, but before that he stops by Kotatsu’s automatic food feeder and refills it with enough food for the next forty-eight hours.

Outside, the air is cold and damp with the last hours reminding of the night. The streetlights cast pale pools of warm lights across the empty sidewalks as he walks to his motorbike. Most people are still asleep in the comfort of their homes as the city during these hours is usually quiet. Unlike the loud storm of thoughts his mind and soul are fighting.

The fire station kitchen is alive as always. Coffee cups clink against the countertop or some of the tables, chairs scraping across the floor as people move around all the time, and conversations overlapping with familiar voices. Some are talking about their favorite sport team loosing last night, others about the plans they have for the weekend or some funny story to keep up the mood up this early in the morning.

Ace just sits there, watching people pass by and hearing them talk, but his mind is separated from his body. He is being asked something or greeted by colleagues, then answering automatically, barely aware of what he even responses with. Usually, he is in the middle of all the jokes and keeping the station alive, but not today. And this doesn’t go unnoticed by his best friends here.

“I’ve never seen him like this.” Marco whispers to Thatch, who sits next to him as they both look with concern at their unusually quiet friend.

Ace dressed in his station clothes, just a plain black shirt and pants, sits across from them on the table, with a coffee cup wrapped around the palms of his hands, which he hasn’t bothered to even lift once to take a sip off. The circles under his eyes, and his hollow empty expression as if he has seen a ghost, aren’t hidden well even when someone passes by him and pats him on the shoulders and he gives them a very fake small smile to hide whatever is worrying him.

“He’s been stressed these past days, but whatever happened yesterday, must’ve been the cherry on the top.” Thatch says, his eyes glued to Ace who doesn’t seem to notice at all.

“Do you think it has to be something to do with the girl?” Marco emphasizes the last word as both him and Thatch remember your visit to the station a few days ago, and then the way Ace looked after he came back from the conversation you two had. Whatever that conversation was about it has taken a big tool on their young reckless friend.

The kitchen slowly starts to empty as most of the other firefighters go away to take care of the tasks that must be done for the day. Thatch and Marco take this as the perfect opportunity to finally ask their friend what is going on with him.

Marco snaps his fingers in front of Ace’s face a few times until he finally catches his attention. Even his face is slow with its reactions, as Ace barely lifts one eyebrow in question, looking at his friends confused. “What’s wrong with you Ace?”, Marco doesn’t waste any time and shoots the question straight away, “And don’t you dare say that you’re ‘fine’-”, he makes silent quotations in the air with his fingers, “because you obviously are far away from fine.”

“Marco is right man.” Thatch chimps in. “Since you’ve came back that day after she visited you’ve been distant.”

Ace just looks at them at first then averts his gaze away from them. Too tired, too scared and too ashamed to say out loud what is bothering him. This doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Come on, Ace.” Marco’s brows frown with concern as he can’t help but worry even more now. “You know, I see you as a part of my family and so is Thatch, so whatever it is we’ll be here for you.” Reaching over the table, he grabs Ace’s wrist and gives it a little squeeze to show that they got him no matter what, but Ace whines in pain, instinctively pulling away his arm. He has really hurt it but couldn’t find anything at home to fix it with.

“What’s wrong with your wrist?” Thatch nods his chin towards Ace’s arm.

“Hurt it last night.” Ace finally speaks up. His voice hoars. “I actually need to bandage it.” Still avoiding his friends gazes he gets up from the chair to escape, but both call after him.

“Just tell us what’s going on Ace!” Marco lifts his hands in the air in surrender. “Whatever is we won’t judge.”

Won’t they? Why wouldn’t? He judges himself for it, why wouldn’t the people who know him, wouldn’t? Does telling them fixing all this mess? No! But does not telling them help either? No, it doesn’t.

Clenching his fists he throws his head back and takes a deep breath, then turns and sits back on the chair. His mouth opens and closes a few times. The words just can’t find their way out. Thankfully, both Marco and Thatch are patient enough with him to give him the time he needs to let it out.

“She’s pregnant.” He blurs out the words in one breath. Both men sitting across from him just stare and slowly blink at him, the confusion on their faces turning into surprise. Ace slowly nods, as if to confirm that they heard him correctly.

Marco is first to dare speaking, “So… is it safe to guess that given your current state she’s keeping it?” Ace nods again, not having the strength to say it out loud.

“Ace, are you sure you’re the father?” Thatch jumps in with the question that Marco was about to ask himself. “Have you run a paternity test? After all you just slept once with her and then she just ran away.”

Marco nods his head a few times, agreeing with everything said by Thatch. “He’s right, Ace. Do you know if the kid’s yours for sure?”

Ace looks around and gestures at them to keep their voices low. Last thing he wants or needs is the rest of the fire station to know about his situation. “She said she’s only slept with me.”

“And you believe her?” Thatch loudly exclaims as he cannot believe how naïve his friend can be. Ace, on the other hand, shoots him another warning look. Not for what he is assuming, but for being loud.

“Yes, as stupid as it sounds, I do.” Running one hand over his face, he grabs a hold of his thick black hair and hides his head leaning on his forearms on the table. Propping his chin on his forearm, he just shrugs. “I know how ridiculous it sounds but believe me this girl has no reasons to lie about me being the one who knocked her up.”

“Why’s that?” Marco raises his one brow with curiosity.

“Her family is filthy rich. Do you think she has anything to gain from being knocked up by some guy like me?” A bitter chuckle escapes Ace’s lips.

No one is saying anything. They all let the noise from the outside consume the space as nothing seems right to be said. Both Marco and Thatch know about Ace’s past, and why he has never wanted a family of his own, so they can only imagine what is going on inside his mind now when his biggest nightmare is becoming a reality.

Ace can’t take more of this, and he doesn’t want to speak further on this matter, let alone look at the pity written on his friends’ faces, so he gets up from the chair. The loud screeching of its legs on the floor almost hurts the ears. “I’m going to find some bandage.” He lifts his right hand, pointing with his eyes at his wrist, before leaving the kitchen and his friends behind without saying anything more and making it clear that he wants to be left alone.

Marco and Thatch sit in silence and neither of them moves. The news has literally left them speechless. Neither of them knows what to do or say to Ace to make him feel better. It will take time for him to get used to the idea and let alone accept it, but both know one thing for sure; Ace would make an amazing father despite what he thinks of himself.

Marco is the first one to move, as he searches for something in his pants. Thatch side-eyes him when he notices Marco pulling his wallet up and handling him a fifty-paper bill. The realization of why his friend does this comes to his mind quickly as he takes the money. “This is the first time ever I cannot enjoy winning a bet.” He murmurs as he puts in his pocket.

“Mine guess wasn’t any better but knowing Ace he would have definitely preferred std’s over a baby.” Marco lets out a deep sigh as he pushes himself up and lets out a bitter chuckle. “Betting fifty on the gender of the baby?” He reaches with his thumb to Thatch.

“I say boy.” Thatch swipes the tip of his thumb with Marcos. “It’ll be his karma for being a menace as a kid.” “I say girl.” Marco can’t stop the laughter erupting from him. “I think that will be even more terrifying for him.”

END NOTE: Once again, thank you all for your patience and I'm really sorry I haven't updated the story for 6 months... I'll try my best to update at least every two weeks, but this really depends on the schedule in my personal life. This chapter turned out very Ace focused, but I'm quite happy with it. I hope you liked it and I managed to make you feel what Ace felt at least a little bit, hihi. I can't wait to write more about him and reader and how their relationship will develop with time. This is one of the last "sad-ish" parts for now, from now on expect a lot of awkward and cringe moments between those two and very bad humour. As always every like, comment, reblog or message you send me means the world to me, so always feel free to share how you felt about the chapters you read ♡ Love you all and take care ♡

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Thirty-five hours left until Thursday, five o’clock in the afternoon. Thirty-five hours which seems to go faster than you would like. Thirty-five hours in which you try everything to take your mind off Dot and focus on your job.

In the past week you have been working mostly from home, but today you have decided that what is best for you is to be around people and which is a better place to be around people than your job. With one of the big fashion weeks coming up in a few weeks every day there is chaos around this time of the year. Models are in demand from all fashion houses, therefore, as a leading agency in the county, you and your colleagues are covered head to toe with contracts to be made and signed, to emails and calls to be answered with demands from both sides.

You being signed up as Boa Hancock’s one and only agent is both a blessing and a curse. Your best friend, being the world’s top model for the past three years while you are climbing the leader of an agent yourself and finding your own contacts and connections hasn’t been easy at all, but somehow until now, this has been the easiest thing that is happening in your life. You are literally showering in luck when it comes to your job, despite how unlucky your personal life has been at the same time while all of this was and still is happening.

The downfall of having Boa as your number one client is… having her. Is she your best friend? Yes. Do you love her endlessly? Yes. Is she pain in the ass and the biggest diva to exists out there? Absolutely, yes. Which means that now that she is in demand from every couture house, you must spend hours and hours going back and forth with her and the brands for all of her demands. All of them.

“No, you don’t seem to understand me here. She cannot open for you, if you want her for this runway, she can close the show for you.” It has been an hour since you have been on this call. You feel like a parrot at this point, repeating the same thing over and over again. The nauseous you have is not helping either.

Hearing the same thing coming the person on the other side of the line for a thousandth time today, you sigh deeply. “Listen, we’ve been going back and forth with no middle ground for the past hour. You want her as an opener? Fine, but this is going to cost you a few thousands extra on top of her usual price as an opener, so are we making a deal on this and I send you the demands she has when being hired or we should end the conversation now?” First you are met with silence for a few seconds before hearing a deep exhale coming from the other side of the line. A winning smile spread across your face. “I take this as a yes. I’ll send you the contract in a few hours and we speak again after you look at it.” You don’t even wait for an answer before you end the call.

Leaning on your comfortable white leather office chair, you make a little spin on it as you look around your office. Sunlight streams through the window behind you, casting a warm glow across the scattered papers across your desk. The light grey walls are covered with big, framed posters of your clients’ best work as models. Boa is not the only successful model you have signed under your name for which you take pride in. For three years you have come up so far, yet there is this feeling inside yourself that it is not enough. That you are not deserving of this success, yet here you are – in you little but spacious office achieving things many of your colleagues cannot even reach their whole carrier.

You take a steady breath, fingers drumming lightly against the edge of the desk as the familiar buzz of office life hums beyond your door - phones ringing, laughter echoing from the breakroom, the distinct clatter of high heels on polished floors.

Despite the pressure, you let yourself savor this rare sense of belonging, the brief illusion that, at least here, everything is under control. As you refocus on the glowing screen and the next contract blinking for your attention, you feel a faint reassurance: for the next several hours, your world can shrink to deadlines and negotiations, a welcome distraction from everything you’re not yet ready to face. Yet.

As you are typing in another long email, your phone rings. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise when you see your mother calling you. It is not that you are not close with your parents or on bad terms with them, but since you have broken up with their perfect on paper soon to be son-in-law and shatter their dreams for a successful rich husband by your side, things between you and them have been a bit rocky.

Picking the phone up you put her on a speaker as you continue to type in your email. “Hey, mom.” You greet her with flat tone.

“Hey, honey. How are you?” She sounds like she is in a good mood, which piqued your interest.

“Good. Working. You?” By the background sounds coming from her, you can tell that she is out on some busy street.

“I’m good as well. Do you want to grab lunch with me? I’m close to your office and I’ve heard they opened a very nice restaurant close by, and I want to try it.”

Tapping the screen on your phone to see what time it is you are amazed by how fast time has gone by since you have come to the office today. “Sure. Send me the address and I can meet you there in like twenty minutes?”

“Perfect. See you twenty, hun.”

Silence takes over your office after she hangs up. You haven’t seen your mother in months. Mostly because of your busy schedule, but also because you cannot stand being nagged all the time about the biggest mistake you have made so far in your life – breaking up with your ex-partner. Your parents have no idea even till these days what your ex’s true colors are. They still see him as the perfect man for you, and they make sure to mention this every now and then when they get the chance to see you. Especially your father. Your ex has been like the son your father never has gotten to have. And you have taken that from him.

Sending off the email you have been writing, you close your laptop and get up to leave once your mother has sent you the address to the restaurant, she wants you to meet at.

Once standing up you quickly lean with your hands on the desk as dizziness hits you. Glancing at the clock on the wall you realize why this is happening. Today you haven’t taken the pills Doctor Belladona has prescribed you for the pregnancy. Guilt takes over you immediately. You have done this purposely. Last night you threw the pills away. After all, tomorrow you will be no longer pregnant, what is the point of taking them then?

Your heart clenched with ache at this thought. Placing your hand over your belly, you gently whisper. “I’m sorry, Dot.”

With a deep breath you composed yourself and reach out to grab your handbag before leaving the office. While leaving a lot of your colleagues greet you with a smile or a quick nod, not all of them wear genuine smiles, but you are immune to them at this point. As much as you love your job, the toxicity in this industry is suffocating and if you don’t learn how to swim with these sharks, they will eat you alive.

Walking down the busy streets of the cosmopolitan city you live in is usually stressful but today feels like this is exactly what you need. The louder the noise is around you the harder it is for you to hear your own thoughts.

The restaurant where your mother should be already waiting for you is just a few streets away from your office building and it takes you less than ten minutes to reach it. Your mother has already sent you another message in which she tells you where she is sitting so you make your way following her directions. She sees you first and waves towards you to catch your attention which she successfully does.

Once standing in front of her she gets up and wraps her arms around you in a hug. “Ah, it’s been a while.” She says pulling away while her eyes scan your form from head to toe. “Have you gain some weight? Your face looks so puffy.” The smile on her face doesn’t match the judgment on her eyes, but you choose to ignore this, too.

Ignoring this comment sounds easier said than done. You haven’t weighed yourself recently, but you are quite sure that instead of gaining weight, given the situation you are currently in, you have lost some. The puffy face is a factor of the sleepless nights you have had in the past week and the constant tears that fall from your eyes once there is no one around and it is just you left with your thoughts.

“Hey, mom. Nice to see you as well.” You try to hide your irritation as much as you can as you take off your bag and hang it on the side of the back of the chair and seat across from your mother.

“Oh, don’t be like this.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m just concerned about you. Is everything okay?”

“No, mom. Nothing is okay right now. I’m fucking knocked up, and guess what – I want to keep it, but I can’t, but other than this life is just amazing for me.” That is what you want to say, but instead you just shrug. “Yes, it’s all good. Just lots of things to deal with at work.”

“Well, welcome to adulthood honey.” She clicks with her tongue as she picks up the menu for the table and scans it with her eyes.

You are not surprised by her response. No matter what you do it is never enough for praise from you parents. At the end you might die from overworking yourself and they will still find a way to downplay the effort you put into your job.

Grabbing the menu yourself you look at all the options. It is not a lot, but you must eat something. You have barely eaten recently, no wonder you feel nauseous all the time even though you are pregnant.

Your eyes shift between a saucy pasta, a nice burger with fries and a salad with quinoa; an internal battel of which one you should order and not be judged for it but also satisfy the hunger you are currently feeling.

Under your mother’s sharp gaze like she is reading you, her flat tone doesn’t hide the nagging behind it as she says, “You know their salads look very appetizing. Especially the one with quinoa.”

The message is delivered clearly. Glancing at her over the menu you give her a big tight-lipped smile. “Then maybe you should order it, mom.” The smile you give her is far from a sincere one and she knows it. Before she gets to response one of the waitresses comes to your table ready to take the order.

“Two quinoa salads.” Your mother tells her she doesn’t even bother to look at the girl. Instead, her eyes are locked on you with a stern look over her face as she hands the menu back.

You gasp with surprise, mouth and eyes wide open. “Wow, mom! I’ve never seen you this hungry.”

Your pulse is rising. Your parents love to be involved in all your decisions. Till this day your mother allows herself to act like you are still five years old, but to get your old self back and even better it, your therapist words rang in your head as a bell ‘Your needs should come first.’, and your needs right now scream for a tasty meal. “One cheeseburger with extra cheese and extra fries, plus sauce on the side please.” Unlike your mother, you turn your attention to the waitress and give her an apologetic smile.

The girl taking your order smiles back at you, and you can read the sympathy in her eyes as she does so. “What would you like to drink?” Her entire attention is focused on you.

“Just water. And if possible, a glass full of ice too. Thank you.” You tell the girl, and she turns to your mother to hear if she would like anything to drink herself.

“Sparkling water for me.” She orders, eyes still piecing you.

The bright ginger-haired girl turns to leave your table after she quickly repeats your order, then you remember something very important and call her out to wait for a second as you gesture to her to come closer to you so you can whisper in her ear. “Please, could you also say to the kitchen that everything must be cooked, and nothing should be raw as I’m pregnant, but please don’t say anything aloud as my mother doesn’t know.” The girl just pulls away and nods her head with a wink.

Your mother gives you a questionable look once the waitress is gone but lets it slide as she doesn’t waste any time giving you piece of her mind. “Isn’t fashion week coming soon?”

Rasing your eyebrow questioningly you wait for her to continue. “With all the important people around this event you must look your best, so perhaps you must cut on… you know… cheeseburgers.”

It hasn’t been ten minutes yet and she is already starting to remind you why you try to avoid her and your father as much as you can. “Perhaps if I were a model – yes, but I’m not.” You answer as calmly as you can.

“I’m quite aware that you aren’t, but you are representing them; therefore, you must look as good as one.”

You take a breath to response, but the waitress comes back with your drinks, giving you the perfect opportunity to change the subject once she leaves. “I saw you attended some charity gala last Saturday. How was it?”

With the focus now being entirely changed to your mother and her job, you sit there and listen to her telling you about all the important people she has met this past weekend and all the new connections she has added to her long list of them.

Your mother is a philanthropist, but not so much for the cause behind being one as for the benefits it brings your family. Dislocating from what she is saying you just look at her and observe her appearance - dressed in one of her many expensive suits, with her hair always styled perfectly, and her soft feminine features waring their good persona mask while her inner persona is far from soft and good.

No wonder you handle the people in your branch so effortlessly. You grew up with someone like them right in front of you. Your father is no different. He is a lawyer after all. One of the most respected and well-known ones in the city, along with his own lawyer company.

Their connections and name have helped you too in one way or another, but you only use them if it is a life-or-death situation, so almost never. You don’t even represent yourself with your last name, but with your middle one instead.

Deep down you know your parents are always looking out for you and wishing for your best, but you never liked how much they want to be in control of your life. That is why they have had many problems with you in your wild teenage years and early twenties, too. You have been a rebel back then, until you have met your ex.

That is why they loved him so much and still do. He has managed to repress your wild side down. They just never find out how he has done it and never will. This is mostly upon you and never telling them how he threatened you while you two have been together.

He was also your father’s dream son - the one he never got to have. You are their only child, and they have had big dreams about you. The biggest one being you becoming a lawyer. The look on their face when you announce that you are going to study marketing and business is still hunting you till these days. That is probably the day when you have disappointed them the most. Since then, the conversations with your father have been mostly formal, even when your ex-boyfriend was around, your father’s focus was more on him than on you. They have shared many interests and the most important of it all – your ex studied law. This was all your father needed to know to want him as an in-law.

“Oh, and the mayor’s daughter was at the event, and I got to speak with her for a bit. Turns out she is interested in modeling herself, but doesn’t know where to start exactly, but I told her not to worry and that I will give you her contacts and you can get her -” Your mother gets interrupt as your food is being served.

You thank the waitress and gape at your food. Hunger takes over you as a wave in a matter of seconds. Your mouth starts watering at the sight of the cheeseburger in front of you and you don’t waste a second taking it with your hands and taking a big bite of it. The flavors of it melt on your tongue and you softly moan. Grabbing a handful of fries, you dip them in the sauce on the side and stuff them in your mouth. You really haven’t realized how hungry you have been until now.

Your mother looks at you with disgust on her face. Embarrassed of the way you seem to forget all your manners, she hisses your name across the table with a little stomp of her high heel on the ground.

“What?” You ask with a full mouth.

“What? Eat like a normal person not like a savage.” She scolds you with a frown.

“Mom, it is a burger. I cannot eat it with a knife and a fork.” Putting the burger down you take the napkin on your right side and wipe the corners of your lips. “You don’t always need to be so uptight, you know. Chill a bit.” Chuckling, you take another handful of fries and stuff them in your mouth.

Taking the fork and the knife in her hands, she mixes her salad and gives you another of her stern looks. “I think you are a bit too grown up to use word like chill.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that there is an age limit to certain words now.” You murmur loud enough so she can hear you.

“You see,” she points at you with her knife. “This is why you are twenty-seven soon to be twenty-eight and single.”

You can’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Here we go again.” You think to yourself as you have already been wondering when she will start her favorite topic – your personal life.

“At your age I was already married to your father and expecting.”

“One out of two checked.” You murmur to yourself, the words leaving your lips faster than you expected, but thankfully your mother doesn’t catch it. Or you thought so.

“Did you murmur something under your nose?” She finally takes a bite of her salad.

The hairs on your neck stood up, but you try to keep it cool, maybe she hasn’t heard anything. “No, I didn’t say anything.”

Shaking her head with disappointment, she looks down at her salad and for a moment none of you say anything. As you continue to enjoy your food in the silence that has taken over the table your mother clears her throat, catching your attention. “I think there is something important you should know and I do think this will be in your benefit.”

Here is another bullshit that “supposedly” will benefit your life. Putting the burger down on the plate and wiping your fingers clean you straighten your posture as you give her your full attention.

“I want you to know that both me and your father always think and wish for the best for you, that is why I want you to listen to me without interrupting.” You already don’t like where this is going. “We recently found out, or at least it was finally confirmed to us that you have been depressed for the past year and so. I did notice a change in you before, but with you-” She points at you with the palm of her hand. “Never being open up to us, no matter how hard me and your father have tried, it is a bit hard for a person to help you, you know?”

While you listen carefully to her, it also amazes you how she can sound so sympathetic while criticizing you at the same time.

“I have also heard that you’ve been going to therapy for the past year, is that true?” You don’t say anything, just nod after a few seconds. “Oh, my. Are you getting better, hun? Is the therapist good enough? Are you on antidepressants or any pills?” She starts to throw question after the question at you, and you cannot manage to answer her if she continues like this.

“Mom!” You raise your voice a bit, making her stop. “I’m fine, okay. No, pills or anything like this. I’m doing better now.” Or you try to be. Without realizing your hand has found its way to your belly.  Since you have found out about Dot, things are not very smoothly going as they finally used to, but you will get back on track. You hope.

“What happened that you got depressed? Everything in your life was perfect. And then out of nowhere everything collapsed…” You choose to stay silent, too lost in your own mind until the name of your ex-boyfriend leaves your mother’s lips. “He is the one who told us. He still cares for you and I think-”

“Wait, what?” You can feel your blood running cold at the mention of his name. What does your mother mean he has told them? When? Where? Have they seriously kept in contact with him this entire time? How does he even know about you going to therapy?

A big smile spreads across your mother’s face, and she beams with enthusiasm when she tells you that he works for your father’s company now. But that isn’t the worst thing that she tells you. “You know how much your father loves him, so he is actually working under your father’s guidance. Isn’t this amazing? This is your chance to get back with him and fix things from where you two left.”

Everything around you feel like it is closing off and you are about to get swallowed by an endless hole. This can’t be true. This must be some sick joke. Your heart is beating so fast if you are in a cartoon, it will probably fly out of your chest. Your mouth goes immediately dry and with a shaky hand you reach for the icy glass of water and take a few small sips of it. This cannot be real.

“Hun, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Your mother reaches across the table to take your hand, but you instinctively pull it away.

“Don’t touch me.” You whisper as you give her a cold glance.

Waving her hands in the air in disbelief, your mother then leans on the table and stares at you. “What is wrong with you child?”

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you?” You gesture with your hand at her blazingly. “What is wrong with both of you? How could you keep in contact with that man after I’ve told you millions of times that I don’t want to even see his face, and not only you kept contact with him, but now you even gave him a job and endless opportunities?” Tears start to build in your eyes.

Your mother gaps with a hand on her chest. “How could you say this? After everything your father and I have done for you, and still try to do, how could you be so ungrateful? Do you have any idea how worried we are for you? All three of us? Do you know what a man you’ve missed? What a life you’ve missed?” It takes your mother everything to keep her voice hushed as you are in a public space and she cannot risk damaging her image. “You should be beyond grateful that he wants to get back with you. Guys like this are in extinct nowadays.”  

You will throw up any second now, and this time is neither Dot nor the burger’s fault. Pressing the back of your hand to your lips, you slowly get up from the chair and take your handbag with you.

“Of course, run away now. As you’ve always done. I don’t know from where you got this quality but is definitely not from me or your father.” She calls after you, but composes herself fast as she realizes where she is and she cannot risk her own reputation, because of her reckless daughter.

You don’t waste any second and make your way straight to the toilets. Luckly, there is no queue, and you enter one of them immediately, with a long bang of shutting the door close as you fall with your knees on the ground and throw up all the food you have just consumed.

Flushing the toilet after there is nothing else left in your stomach to throw up, you sit on the toilet floor and lean on the wall. Your head is currently spinning with thoughts. How and why? Who has told him about your therapy? Why are you parents in contact with this awful man? Why do they like and trust him so much? Can’t they see how cruel he is? Can’t they see and realize that the reason the spark in your eyes has died is because of him? Why is anything you do never enough for them?

With the back of your hand, you wipe the cold sweat that runs down your forehead. You have been through so much lately and you wonder when it is going to end. When will it be your turn to have brighter days? Glancing down at your stomach, the thought that runs through your mind makes you clench it for dear life. It is a whole miracle that Dot is doing okay, with the amount of stress you are facing on the daily and not taking good care of yourself, the little thing growing inside of you is still hanging strong in there. Then the realization hits you.

Dot will be gone tomorrow. There will be no trace of them. Dot will never exist.

“I wish I could keep you Dot…” You whisper to your stomach as you gently trace it with your fingers. “I would have never gone against your choices. I would have always be on your side, even if you are to be the one in a wrong, I would have always have your back.” A single tear rolls down the corner of your eye, but you wipe it away before it reaches your jawline. “I would have done anything in my power to be the best mother out there for you…” You stop for a second as your thoughts run back to Ace. The man who is the reason why Dot happened in a first place.

Despite all and the situation you are both currently in, there is something in you, call it a gut feeling if you wish, that tells you Ace would have been an amazing father, but you cannot put him in such role if he doesn’t want to. You cannot be selfish… even if you want to.

Looking up at the ceiling you take a deep breath in. “Dot… just give me a sign… give me a sign and I’ll keep you. Give me a sign that I can be in fact selfish… please.” You squeeze your eyes shut and bit hard on your lower lip as you try to fight the tears.

Silence. This is not a book or a movie. There won’t be any divine powers coming to tell you whether to keep the baby or not. “Silence is also an answer.” You murmur as you get up from the floor.

Getting out of the toilet you wash and dry your hands as you look at the mirror. Your makeup is a mess, but other than this… what is not a mess in your life right now?

You are glad to find out that your mother has left when you go to pay the bill, but she has already taken care of it. “Hey, I know it is not my place to ask, but are you okay?” The girl that has been your waitress ask you with concern written all over her face.

Studying her pretty face, you see that she means good. “No, I’m not. But I should be... soon.” A sad chuckle leaves you. “Thank you so much for your service today,” you lower your gaze to read the badge attached on her shirt. “Nami. Hm, what a pretty name.”

“Oh, thank you so much.” The girl smile blooms on her face. “But seriously, can I help you somehow?”

Looking at the girl who seems to be in her early twenties, you shake your head with a tight-lipped smile. “Very kind of you, but no. Did she leave you any tips?” Knowing your mother, you doubt she has left a good tip to the girl.

“Had worse than that.” The girl shrugs with a smile. It is another day for her with another picky customer, won’t be the first nor the last one she will encounter today.

Pulling up your purse from your handbag, you pull up a few dollars and a business card. “This is for your great service, and the card is if you are interested in modeling. You can always contact me and let me know.” No matter how shitty you feel right now, this girl has made you feel good for a few seconds and noticing how gorgeous she is it would be pity for her face not to be on the cover of some magazine.

Her honey brown eyes fill with excitement and surprise as she looks at you in disbelief. “Thank you so much!” She tells you as she jumps on the spot with excitement. “This is the best day ever.” You just smile at her and nod goodbye before leaving the restaurant.

The rest of the day goes by fast and before you know it you are on your way home. Parking the car in the garage building before getting home, you remember that you need to buy some groceries from the supermarket close by.

After getting what you need you make your way home but stop just a few meters away from your apartment building as you come across a flower shop, which should be brand new because you swear this shop hasn’t been here a week ago.

You like flowers. That is why you always make sure to have some at home, but in the past few weeks your vases have been empty. With a gentle push on the door, you step inside, the soft scent of fresh blooms wrapping around you like a calming embrace. The shop is small but bursting with color, rows of tulips, lilies, and sunflowers crowding the shelves, their bright petals offering a stark contrast to the grayness that’s been clouding your mind all day. You pause for a moment, eyes drifting across the arrangements, feeling the slightest bit lighter as you let yourself linger among the flowers and the gentle hum of quiet music playing in the background.

A welcoming raspy voice of a middle-aged man you haven’t notice until now catches your attention. “Hello, young lady. How can I be in help for you?” He puts aside the roses he is holding and walks closer to you.

“Oh, I’m just looking for now. Thank you.” You tell him with a smile.

“If anything catches your eye let me know.” The welcoming smile he has on his face doesn’t fade away as he gets back behind the counter.

Despite all the beautiful blooming flowers around you nothing matches your current state. No flower seems down enough, beaten by the challenges life throws at them. They all look full of life. Looking down on your left, your eyes land on a beautiful trumpet-shaped white petal that curls gracefully around a pale-yellow spadix, standing tall atop a sturdy green stem. You reach out and gently trace the petal of the flower with the tips of your fingers, marveling at its velvety softness and the way the delicate edge curls inward as if protecting some secret. You find yourself drawn towards this flower for some reason, just as the shopkeeper’s voice breaks the quiet reverie. “These are perfect for gifting to your mother or a newly wed bride.”

Your head turns immediately towards him. “I’m sorry, could you please repeat this and explain.”

The man gladly gives you all the details about the flower and the symbol is holds. It represents new beginnings, a gratitude towards life and its beauty, for which it makes the perfect flower to give to someone who carried, carries or is soon to carry a new life into this world. The man continues to tell you more and more about flowers and their meaning in general, but you have stopped listening to him as you can’t help but wonder – “Is this your way of giving me a sign Dot, or I’m getting totally mental at this point?”

“I’ll take them.” You interrupt the man halfway his sentence. The man hurries from behind the counter and asks you how many you would like to take. “Nine.” A flower for every week of your pregnancy.

Walking with the man to the counter you pay for the flowers and take them once you pay. “How long have you been open here?”

“Since Monday, ma ’lady.”

“Wow, I just noticed today.” Taking one last look at the show, you turn to the owner. “Well, you are definitely going to see me again. Have a nice night.”

The sweet flower shop seller sends you off with a wish of a nice night yourself and you thank him before you leave. As much as you wish your night won’t be as nice as you would like it to be, because once you step your foot in your nice and spacious apartment, which recently seems emptier than ever, you don’t know how long it will take you before your own mind drowns you in its own thoughts.

The local bar is quietly buzzing with life on a Wednesday night. Soft golden light spills from the windows, casting warm pools onto the sidewalk outside, while inside the place is filled with the faint smell of citrus and hops. A handful of people gathered around the polished wood counters, drinking and chitchatting while exchanging laughs.

The same can’t be said about Ace. His leg nervously bounces under the table while taking sips of his beer as he waits for his brother to finally show up. Since you have told him that you are pregnant, he has been on the edge. His biggest and worst fear is slowly turning into reality. He doesn’t think you are going to abort it. Even when you have told him that you will do it, something in his gut is telling him that you will probably change your mind and he cannot do anything but accept his fate.

If only he could turn back time, he would not allow himself to even look at you let alone touch you. This is all his fault. If only he had thought with his head, the one on his shoulders, and not the one between his legs this would never have happened.

He hasn’t told anyone yet. Not a single person. But tonight, he plans to tell his brother, mostly because he needs legal advice and he is a lawyer. Yes, he has no saying whenever you keep it or not, but if you change your mind at the last moment, he must be prepared for what is to come.

Never in his lifetime would he have thought that he would need to think of shared custody. He doesn’t even want to share one, but he will never abandon the kid, or you; and from the looks of it, you are not taking it any better than him. He still thinks of your last meeting and the way you sounded over the phone. The distress you are going over is as big as his and for this at least he can understand what you are going through.

Ace has spent the last few days going over everything about abortion and how it affects the woman after. He also read a bit about pregnancy. This whole thing is way scarier than they made it seems in movies.

“Fuck…” Grabbing his head in the palms of his hands, he shuts his eyes and tries to calm himself down as much as he possible can. It will be fine. Everything will be fine. You will make the right decision, and he is stressing over nothing.

“Heads up, fire boy.” Ace immediately snaps and looks up as he hears the familiar voice of his brother.

“Hey, bro.” Ace gets up from his seat, and the two brothers share a hug. Life has been quite busy these past months, so they haven’t had a lot of time to catch up. Pulling away from each other Sabo takes the seat across from him and a big smile is placed across his face.

Despite not being blood related they have quite similar features. Not many know that Sabo is Ace’s adopted brother, and when they find out they are usually quite surprised. Sabo shares a lot of similarities with his adoptive mother that sometime people assume that he and Ace are twins, but with few differences.

While Ace has a black curly hair and deep brown eyes, Sabo is the opposite – blonde wavy hair and eyes as blue as the sky on a sunny day.

Leaning on the back of the chair, the blonde runs one hand over his hair while pulling his tie a bit loose around the neck with the other. “Sorry that I’m late. Work is a bit too much in the past week.”

Ace waves him off. “It’s fine. What you wanna drink?”

“Ah… good question.” Sabo looks over his shoulder at the bar behind him. “I’ll better go and check. You want the same or something else?” Getting up from the chair he points with his chin towards Ace’s almost empty glass.

“Yea, whatever works.” He shrugs.

Watching his brother making his way to the bar, gets Ace to think how to break the news. It is not something you hear every day. Should he just hint at it first or should he just tell him he has gotten someone pregnant? Which one will make the situation sound less messy?

Lost in his thought, Ace shakes his head and looks up at his brother as he places two beer glasses on the table. “Cheers.” Sabo raises his glass and takes a big sip. Placing the glass down, he unbuttons his suit jacket and takes it off. “Damn, it is so nice to be outside the office. Especially, this past week has been hell in the firm.” Runing a hand over his face and then his messy blonde hair, Sabo gives his brother a big, tired smile. “Recently it feels like I live there. Some days I’m home just to shower. Not even sleep. But I’m not the one to complain given your schedule.”

Taking better look at his brother, Ace notices how tired Sabo looks despite his chatty mood. The circles under his eyes are quite visible, even under the one that is on the side of his face where he has a burned skin scar. Sabo has had this scar since he lost his parents in a fatal car crash. He is the only one that has survived that tragic night when they crashed and lost their lives. To the people around Sabo, no one is bothered by it, but sometime the burnt of his skin catches some people off guard when they first meet him, but he is used to it now, so it doesn’t bother him.

Ace tries his best to listen to his brother’s complaints about work and life, but it is very hard for him to focus right now and pay attention to his brother’s problems, when he is the one facing a life-changing one.

Sabo lets out a loud sigh catching his brother’s attention. “What’s wrong, Ace?”

“Is it that obvious?” Ace chuckles bitterly.

“Painfully obvious.” Sabo takes a sip of his beer. “I’ve been purposely repeating the same sentence over and over again and all you did was hum and nod.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” Running one hand over his hair, Ace pulls at the roots as his nervous system is at its breaking point and he has no idea how to tell his brother how much he fucked up.

“No need too, but tell me what it is, because I’ve never seen you more stressed than this in my entire life.” Sabo light tone has changed to stricter and more serious one. “Whatever it is, I’m there for you. And you know, as mom says everything is repairable.”

Not in this situation, especially if you change your mind. “Not everything.” Ace mumbles under his nose, but his brother catches it.

“Well, as long as you haven’t committed murder, I’m sure that you’ll be fine.” Sabo tries to ease up his brother’s anxiety a bit with his dry humor, but by the looks of it, it is not helping.

Lowering his gaze to the ground, Ace quietly adds. “Quite the opposite actually…”

Sabo leans over the table with one elbow on it as he tries to catch on to what Ace is saying. “I didn’t catch that part. Say again.” Still looking at the floor to avoid his brother’s eyes, Ace takes a deep breath before repeating what he just has said. This time Sabo hears him, but he is left more confused than ever. “What do you mean ‘quite the opposite’? Elaborate, because now I’m starting to get worried.”

“For fuck’s sake, what I’m trying to say is that I knocked up a chick, okay?” Ace blurs out.

Nothing but the chatter of the people around them and the music can be heard. Tilting his head up a bit, Ace finally dares to look at his brother, who is too stunned to speak.

“Mm, yeah. I reacted the same way when she told me.” Ace raises his eyebrows with a little nod and cheers as he brings the mug to his lips to take a big sip of it, giving his brother as much time as he needs to process the news. He can’t blame him. He is still processing it himself.

Shaking his head a few times Sabo finally comes back to his senses. “Wow, wow, wow.” His hands raise up like he is facing someone with a gun trying to reason them to not pull the trigger. “Wait. I-I really need to hear this again, so I know that I didn’t mishear you. Y-you… you got a girl pregnant?” His eyes have doubled their size as he can’t believe what he has heard. This must be some prank.

“No, you heard me all correctly brother. I, yes – I, of all people, did in fact got a girl pregnant, and despite she says that she is going to abort it, something deep in me is telling me that she will in fact not do it, and I will have to suffer the consequences of my dick.” A tight-lipped smile is placed across Ace’s face as he gives his best to keep his cool.

Running the palm of his hand over the scar of his face, Sabo doesn’t know what to say. Instead, he takes his glass and chugs all the liquid from it in one go. “I’m definitely needing another one.” He mumbles to himself before he focuses his attention on his brother. “Okay, um first thing first – how old is she?” 

“I would never sleep with a girl who is a minor if that is what you are implying.” Ace gives his brother an offended look. “And she is our age. Twenty-seven.”

“Don’t give me that look, I wasn’t implying this.” His brother reassures him. “I wanted to know so I have a clue if at least her frontal lobe is developed because yours clearly isn’t. Haven’t you heard of condoms? You know these latex things that you wrap around your dick so you don’t get someone pregnant or catch something? Also, since when are you seeing someone, didn’t you say you wanted to be alone after the whole Isuka situation?”

Ace’s whole face scrunches uncontrollably. “Yea… about that…” Scratching the back of his neck he shifts his body uncomfortably on the seat. “You see… I’m not seeing anyone-”

“No…” He gets interrupted by Sabo loud gasps. “No, no, don’t tell me you-”

“Yea, I- we had a one-night stand.”

Sabo’s jaw almost drops to the ground when he hears this. This situation is sounding increasingly ridiculous with every passing second. “This is… this is just wow. I’m speechless, and I’m a lawyer and this can tell you a lot.”

“You should have seen how speechless I was when she told me.” Ace chuckles bitterly at the memory of you telling him. Despite how awful this situation is for him; he cannot deny the absolute ridiculousness of it.

His brother on the other hand is not sure if he should make fun of it or pity him. “You need to fill me in with all the details. But first I need to get another round, because the last thing I expected to hear tonight is that I might become an uncle.”

Once Sabo comes back Ace explains the whole situation from start to finish. Retelling the whole story makes him cringe so hard. This is really a ridiculous mess. A big mess he has created while thinking with the wrong head of his body.

“Damn, Ace.” Sabo exclaims. “This is straight out of a rom-com movie.” Now knowing the details of how they met and your little runaway morning, Sabo is full on on making fun of his brother. “But hey, Isuka has done some crazier stuffs, so this girl so far doesn’t sound so bad. I would say she sounds like a lot of fun.”

Just the mention of his ex-girlfriend makes Ace’s skin crawl. “Please, don’t mention Isuka again as she came by a few weeks ago to my place.” The memory of her and the last conversation they had still haunts him in the worst way possible, especially since he has found out that he might become a father pretty soon, and the whole conversation has turned against him as a form of mockery.  

“Oh, tell me.” Sabo’s eyes fill with excitement as he cannot wait to hear what his brother’s, very creative when she wants attention, ex-girlfriend has come up with this time. “I will always admire this woman and her way to get what she wants. What a pity, she isn’t a lawyer, I think she would have been a good one.”

Shaking his head vigorously with eyes wide open Ace doesn’t even want to think about it, let alone speak about it. “No, it is enough how crazy it was and it has been haunting me for a few days now as the whole thing backfired on me… I don’t want to retell it, too.” His thoughts run back to you. “The baby mama on the other hand…”

You are… alright. He doesn’t know you well enough to have a proper opinion on you as a person, but from what he has seen so far – you are a nice girl. You two can get along or at least you seem like the type he would be able to handle sharing a child with.

His body runs cold as the thought craws in his mind. Why is he thinking like this? You are smart, or at least smart enough to get rid of the baby, which makes him want to puck just calling it that.

“What about the baby mama? Don’t let me hang like this. Tell me something more about the girl. All you’ve told me so far is how you ended up knocking her up.” Sabo feels like he is taking the words out of his brother with force, but Ace is not the type who has ever opened up easily. Wording how he feels or thinks about it is an impossible task sometimes. “What is she like? Do you think you two can get along well if she keeps the baby?”

Shrugging with his hands up, Ace shuffles uncomfortably once again. “She’s alright.”

“She’s alright? That’s all you have about to say for the person who ‘potentially’ might become the mother of your child?” Sabo stares at his brother with mocking boredom look.

“Sabo, I’ve met the girl only two times and we didn’t sit down to talk about what mine of her favorite color was.” Ace whines at him. “She’s alright.” He repeats as he tries to think of a way to describe you. His mind runs back to the first night you two met, and how shy you seemed at first until you relaxed after some time passed. “She’s awkward, even cringe sometimes, but in the cute way, you know? She is shy also, but from what she has shown me so far, once she’s chill, she can be pretty wild. And fun.” His eyes are on the half empty glass glued, his fingers tap the side of it, and his mind is filled with the image of your pretty face, which made him chuckle with a smirk on his face. “She’s very pretty. Gorgeous, even.”

Sabo kicks him under the table which makes Ace look at him and his mocking smile. “Easy there, fire boy. If I don’t know you well enough, I would say you might be in love with the girl or something.” His blond eyebrows go up and down as he teases his brother.

“Very funny, bro.” Ace rolls his eyes. “She is extremely beautiful which is a fact I cannot deny, and you asked to know more about her.”

“Show me.” Sabo nudges his brother once again. “I’m curious now, let me see what my future nephew or niece might look like.”

“Don’t even joke like this ever again.” Ace points with his finger warningly at his brother, who is taking this situation way too light for his liking. Sabo pulls his hands up, asking not to be killed. “And I don’t have anything to show you.”

“Don’t you have her socials, or something?”

“No, just her number.”

“Give me your phone.” Sabo gestures with his fingers for Ace to give him his phone. Ace raises one brow questionably, but still does what his brother wants. “If you don’t know someone’s whole name, you can always find it by sending them some money, or well kind of.” He looks up and then shrugs.

“Wait, what?” Ace doesn’t get an answer as Sabo shushes and tells him not to worry as he explains how to do see someone’s name if all you have is their phone number.

“Anyway, let’s see what Miss baby mama whole name is.” The smug smile of his face is quickly wiped away once he sees the name written on the phone. Sabo pulls his own phone up and types your name in the search bar. “You have to be kidding me.”

Now it was Ace’s turn to kick him as he looks at his brother’s not pleasantly surprised face and eyes that are moving between the phones. “What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Sabo hands Ace his phone back and start typing something else on his. “Is this the girl you knocked up?” Sabo turns his phone towards Ace with your Instagram profile on it.

Ace eyes widen at the sight of you. Not in unpleasant way, but more because of how fast his brother found you. “Yes, that’s her.” Leaning with his forearms on the table, Ace nods with his chin at his brother. “You know her? You don’t look very pleased by the sight of her.”

“I do know her.” Sabo sighs and locks his phone, leaving it on the side.

Ace’s face turns pale in seconds. He doesn’t like the sound of it or where things might be going. “Please, don’t tell me you’ve had a thing with her.”

“What? No, no. Nothing like this.” Sabo shakes his head. “I don’t know ‘know’ her like this.” he makes silent quotations in the air with his fingers. “But I’ve seen her. She used to date this awful guy from my university, and he was in my class. God, how I hate this guy.” He curses out loud at the image of him. “To be honest, I always wondered how this girl is with this joke of a man, but then people get with people who are like them, so guess she isn’t any better.” He shrugs. “But also, she comes from a filthy rich family. Her daddy is the embodiment of the devil’s advocate, so congratulations, bro-” Sabo reaches from across the table to pat Ace on the shoulder, “At least, the baby mama is rich.”

Ace is too stunt to speak. All he does is blink and stare at Sabo trying to process what he has just heard. Running both of his hands through his hair, he tilts his head to the side as he tries to gather his thoughts and words in one place. “Wait, what? Say that again.” Shaking his head he leans once more on the table. “I’m confuse. So, you know her and she is not… cool?” One of his eyebrows rises as he is confused by his own question, because in reality he doesn’t know how to response to the information his brother give him.

“I don’t know.” Sabo shrugs. “I only have seen her back in university, which was two years ago now, but from what I remember she was with this guy for a long time and on top of it he recently became part of her father’s law firm, which mind you is one of the biggest one in this city. I even tried getting a job there, because despite all… they are the best, and her father is a big deal among the lawyer’s community here.” Moving uncomfortably on the chair, he glances at Ace before looking down at the table, as he does feel bad for what he wants to ask his brother next. “Do you know if she is still with that guy? I mean… are you sure you are the father?”

Ace tilts his head up and thinks of your last conversation and slowly nods. “She did say she has been single for a long time and that… well, you know. Let’s say there hasn’t been someone for a long time before or after she slept with me.”

“Do you believe her?”

Does he believe you? This is a good question. You haven’t given him a reason to doubt you so far and why would you lie to him about being the father. Nodding his head slowly, Ace hums confidently. “Yes, I do believe her.”

“You can always require a paternity test she cannot deny you the right for it.” Sabo doesn’t waste a second to turn in his lawyer mode.

“I know, she already asked me if I want to make one, but I believe her. Plus, think about it, if her family is filthy rich as you said, I don’t think her getting knocked up from someone like me is beneficial for her at all.”

His brother nods his head, agreeing with what he says. “Do you think she will keep it?” He asks with a serious tone.

“I’m afraid so.” Ace lets out a defeated sigh. “She has scheduled an abortion for tomorrow, but fuck-” He curses out loud, cupping his face in his hands. “Something in my gut is telling me that she’ll change her mind.” Pulling his hair once again, he leans on the back of the bench and gestures at his brother. “That’s why I called you. I have no idea what to do if she decides to keep it. I mean, of course, I’ll take care of her and the baby, I won’t leave her being a single mother, but legally speaking, how do you handle a situation like this?”

Sabo carefully observes his brother. He just now, realize that Ace is not just stressed about the whole situation, but he is also afraid - the way his chest in rising up and down fast as he tries to control his breathing, but is absolutely failing to do so, the dark circles under his eyes and the cold sweat that seems to be forming on his forehead, but most of all the fear that is now clear in his deep brown eyes. Something Sabo, has been witness to only once in their lifetime many years ago.

“Hey, hey, Ace.” He calls his name calmly as he is a bit afraid, he might get a panic attack soon. “Breath for a second okay.” He softly says as his brother nods and tries to calm his breathing.

One hand squeezed in a fist; Ace slowly starts to run circles over his chest. “I feel awful man.” His voice sounds close to breaking. “I’ve been thinking for the past few days that if she decides to keep it, that some miracle would happen and she will miscarriage or something. Who thinks like this?” A cold chill runs over all his body as he feels disgusted by his own thoughts. “And now I’m a bit worried by what you’ve told me because what is she turns out to be some nagging rich girl who has never heard no in her life and I’ll have to deal with her till the rest of my life.”

“Hey, we don’t know what she is like. I just visually recognized her. She might be a great person despite who her father or ex is.” Sabo tries to reassure him. “And if she already has made an appointment that means she made up her mind so you shouldn’t really worry about it. I’m sure she realizes herself what she is putting on her plate if she decides to keep it.”

“But what if she keeps it. That is where my worries come from. What do I do then? How do we make this work?” Ace waves his hands around in desperation.

“Ace, really calm down.” Sabo says which doesn’t calm Ace down, it does quite the opposite. “If she keeps it, you man up and own it. At the end no matter what she turns out to be, you will have to maintain some kind of a relationship with her for the sake of the child.” A long exhale leaves his lungs. “Look, for now the best advice I could give you if she keeps it, to try being friends. Because if you two become good friends then co-parenting should become easier for both of you.”

“And if we don’t manage to do so.”

“If you don’t manage to do so, I’ll speak with a friend of mine who handles cases like your and will get back to you with all the information you need.” Sabo leans back and crosses his hands over his chest. “Heads up, Ace. No matter what happens tomorrow, you’ve got this.”

Upper body fold, with your hands and head rest on the wheel, you are attempting to collect yourself with slowly and steady breaths – in and out as you count to ten in between. You have ten minutes until your appointment, and you haven’t moved an inch for the past thirty minutes. You knuckles are turning white from the strong grip you have on the steering wheel.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Hitting your forehead against the wheel doesn’t change the situation, but at least it helps releasing some of the stress.

You don’t want this and you don’t want to be here, and you want to be selfish, but you can’t, and you want the world to fuck off and burn and everyone to disappear or you to wake up and all of this to be just one big nightmare, but as always with your luck, this is your reality and you are not dreaming, you are living in it.

A knock on your window startles you and you jump on your seat. Turning your head to where the sound comes from, you are met with no other, but the person who has caused the partial side of your recent misery – Ace. Pressing the side button for the window, it lowers down.

“Hey.” You flatly greet him.

“Hi.” He replies as dryly.

“Sorry if I’ve made you wait.” You murmur before rolling the window up again. Unbuckling your seatbelt and grab your bag from the side ready to exit your car, when you reach to open the door Ace beats you to it and does it for you from the outside. “Thanks.” You tell him but avoid meeting his gaze. “How long have you been here?” You start walking and he follows.

“Like thirty minutes.” He shrugs next to you. “I called and texted you, but you didn’t answer. Then I saw someone banging their head on the steering wheel and at first, I didn’t see it was you until I came closer to check.”

“Oh…” Your face cringe with embarrassment. “Sorry about it. I didn’t hear my phone at all.” He doesn’t say anything in response.

As you walk into the clinic, Ace makes sure to be close to you, but not too close to being in your personal space. The ride in the elevator is quiet, none of you daring to speak as the air itself around you feels suffocating. The doors of the elevator open and you freeze. You have to move, but it is like your body prohibits you from doing so.

Ace looks to his side as he sees you all frozen up. You are not making this easy for him at all. Your body jolts on the spot as he gently squeezes your shoulder. “Hey, breath.” That is all he tells you. Filling your lungs with air, you nod and take a step outside the elevator.

Sitting in front of the familiar room door, you wait for the assistant to come out and call your name. Your fingers are already wrapped around the edges of your hair and nervously play with it, and next to you Ace is leaning on his knees with his elbows propped on them while his head is in the palms of his hand. At least both of you are mess on your own.

Finally, after what felt like eternity, the door to Doctor Belladonna’s office opens and her assistant calls out for you. You get up fast and the dizziness hits you, but you push it away with a few blinks of your eyes. Ace gets up with you and takes a step to enter the room with you, but the nurse stops him. “I’m sorry, we can only let her in for now, as we don’t allow men in to make sure the decision is entirely made by the woman.”

“Sure, no worries.” He puts his hands in his back pockets and just shrugs. Ace knows better than this to not argue with people in the medical field. Before you enter the room, he calls your name. “Um, I’ll be here if you need me, and-” Swallowing the lump in his throat he takes a deep breath. “Whatever decision you make, I-… you… we’ve got this.” You bite on your lower lip hard and simply nod before you disappear behind the door.

You are met with Doctor Belladonna’s warm smile as she guides you to where to sit. She goes through everything and how the whole abortion process goes and what will follow after during the recovery. Then she gives you the pill and before she exits the room and leaves you all by yourself, she tells you that you have all the right to change your mind and no one will judge you or be mad at you. But you don’t hear any of it. All you are focused on is the small pill in the trail next to you.

The room is silent. All you can hear is the fastening beat of your heart and the blood rushing to your ears. The colors in front of you are kind of mixing and your eyes hurt. You don’t allow yourself to blink, afraid that you might cry, but you are also not sure if you have any more tears left to cry.

If it is entire up to you – Dot stays. If you can allow yourself to be selfish, Dot will be in your arms in seven months. If it is up to you, you will keep this baby and will be the best mother out there possibly to be.

With shaky hands you reach out and take the pill from the small trail placed next to you on the bed in one hand and the glass full of water with the other. Glancing down at your palm where the pill lay you just stare at it. It is funny how such a small pill has such an impact on people’s lives.

“I’m sorry, Dot. I can’t force Ace to be something he doesn’t want to be.” You whisper as you squeeze your eyes shut, hot tears split from the corners of your eyes as you place the pill on the tip of your tongue. Your hands tremble as you raise the glass to your lips. Slowly, you open your glossy eyes as the round edges of the glass touch your lips, and your pupils widen at the sight in front of you.

Right at the corner of the window a beautiful butter yellow vase is placed, with calla lilies, the same ones you bought yesterday from the new flower shop next to you, placed in it.

You almost drop the glass but manage to save it before it slips your fingers entirely, with almost all the liquid now splash on you, but you don’t care. If fate exists here and now it is your proof of it. Coincidences don’t happen without a reason, and this is the only reason that you need to make up your mind. Without a doubt in your mind, you spit out the pill in palm of your hand.

Your lungs fill with air once you remember how to breathe again. With trembling hands, you leave the pill and the glass to the side and pull your phone from your bag and type a quick message to Ace.  

[You]: Please, come into the room!

It takes just few seconds, and he is entering it and standing in front of you. You get up from the bed, body and voice shaking with tears falling down your face. “I can’t. I can’t do it.” You cry out to him.

Ace takes a sharp breath in and just nods, shutting his eyes for a second while you continue rambling. “I can’t Ace. I’m sorry, but I want this baby. I’m so fucking sorry, but I want to keep this baby, and I want to be its mother, and… and I’m sorry for being the most selfish person on this Earth right now, but for once in my life I want to be selfish. Please, please, please I beg you allow me to be selfish.” His eyes shoot open as he feels your fists clenched around his shirt in a strong, desperate hold. “Please, I’m begging you. Let me keep this baby.” You bury your head in his chest as you are shaking from cries, gasping for air as you continue to beg him. “You don’t need to be involved if you don’t want, but please, I don’t want to do this.”

Deep sigh leaves his lips, as he wraps his strong arms around you. “Stop crying. Just breathe, okay. Everything is fine.” His hands start to run up and down your body as he tries to calm you down. “How many times I’ve told you that I won’t leave you alone? You won’t be alone, okay?” He props his head on top of yours. “We’ve got this. Just please, calm down, because this is stress not only for you.”

With your fist still clenching around his t-shirt, you hiccup a cry. “You don’t hate me?”

A small laughter leaves his lips. “Why would I hate you? You have every right to want to keep it, and I’ve already knew that you will, so I don’t hate you. I don’t have any reason to hate you.” He tries to keep his cool for the sake of you both, but the moment he is left alone, Ace will probably go berserk and destroy everything around himself just because his biggest nightmare is turning into reality and he cannot do anything but accept it. The only thing he knows for sure is that he has no right to be mad at you or hate you, because it took the two of you to end up in this situation, but he feels that it is mostly his fault.

“What do you mean you’ve known I’ll keep it?” You sniff again as you pull away from him and look into his eyes.

“Let’s say I had this gut feeling that you’ll change your mind.” He shrugs but then reaches with one hand to wipe away the tears from your face. “Now sit and calm down as I go and search for your doctor, okay?” Placing his hands on the lower of your back, he guides you to the bed and makes you sit down.

Before he leaves the room, you call after him. “Thank you.” You whisper.

“There is nothing to thank me for.” He replies, voice quiet as he tries to remind himself to breath as well, because he cannot afford to break in front of you. He just needs to wait until he is in the comfort of his own home. “I’ll be back in a second. Relax.” He tells you before disappearing from your view.

The palm of your hand gently brushes your stomach. “I cannot wait to meet you, Dot.” You sniff once again, but this time with a smile on your face as you glance once more at the flowers by the window. “And you know… I’m pretty sure your dad will feel the same way pretty soon.”

END NOTE: HERE IS A LINK TO ALTERNATIVE ENDING OF THE STORY!!! I do hope you enjoy this chapter and as always feel free to share what you liked ir dislike. Liking, commenting, rebloging and messaging me is always appreciated ♡♡♡ Thank you for reading my stories ♡♡♡

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The little bakery close by the fire station is the only place Ace has managed to think of which you two can go to and have a bit of privacy. The bakery is small and cozy with a nice outdoor space. Before even stepping inside, you are instantly welcomed by the gentle embrace of the scent of freshly baked croissants, their buttery sweetness mingling with the rich aroma of ground coffee and delicate pastries cooling behind the glass counter. Each inhale carries hints of vanilla, caramelizing sugar, and roasted beans, awakening your hunger and making your mouth water from the sweet aroma of the place, but with your anxiety through the rooftop you know that just one bite of the sweets in front of you will make you run to the toilet to throw up.

Like most bakeries nowadays, the interior is clean and simple, following the minimalistic trend going around for the past few years. Cream white sweeps across every wall as sunlight drifts in through wide windows, painting soft patterns on the pale wooden floors and the few tables inside.

Neither you, nor Ace, have said a single word since you left the fire station. Standing now in front of the bakery countertop a young girl behind it, probably in her early twenties, greets you with a smile and Ace by his name asking if he would like the usual, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he, and probably the rest of the firefighters, are regulars here. He nods to the girl and thanks her and then turns to you. Exchanging an awkward glance with him you clear your throat and order just a simple black coffee.

The girl’s eyes shift between you two, her smile not leaving her face. “Paying together?”

“Yes.” Ace doesn’t even bother to look at you as he answers her immediately as he pulls his wallet from his back pocket to pay.

You are about to protest, but he turns to you with a shake of his head and a small half smile placed on his lips. “Thanks.” You whisper.

“Would you like something else?” He points with his eyes towards the glass counter where the sweet bakes are, but you shake your head even though you have barely eaten today, and your breakfast has been long gone due to your constant morning sickness.

The girl asks you if it is for a takeaway or here and Ace tells her that you will take them here, so she pours the coffee into small white cups and hands them to him. Ace takes them and you both thank her before making your way outside.

The bakery is small and people who stop by usually take things for the go, so thankfully only two of the tables outside are taken and there is one available that is away from the other customers, so you and Ace take your seat there.

Sitting across each other, the awkward silence has taken once again. Not knowing how to drop the news to him, despite how many hours you have spent in the last couple of days, thinking over and over how to tell the guy you have had a one-night stand with that he has gotten you pregnant, nothing sounds sane enough in your mind right now: “Sorry for running away that morning, by the way – I’m pregnant.”, “How do you feel about fatherhood? Because you might experience it soon.”, “Knock, knock. - Who is here? The knock. – The knock who? The girl which you knocked up.”. Yes, none of this sounds right.

This is not your only worry. What if he gets angry and starts screaming at you or worse; what if he is aggressive? Maybe you should have called Boa or Marguerite to back you up, even better you should have called them both to come, but now it is too late. It is just you and him. And Dot.

Ace is quietly sitting across from you without saying anything. He just sits and observes you. The way you avoid his gaze, the way your fingers are trembling while nervously circling the rim of the coffee cup and the way you dryly swallow your words every time you take deep breath trying to speak up but fail to do so.

He is nervous himself, because why the hell the girl he has had a one-night stand with has been looking for him, and now wants to speak about something important on top of it, after almost two months since they last saw each other. If it is under some different circumstances where you two meet again, Ace won’t mind at all that he sees you. He will be lying to himself if he denies how attractive you are; for sure the most attractive woman he has slept with so far in his life is you.

The morning after the night you two spent together he woke up a bit disappointed but also relieved that you have left, or better said – run away, before he had woken up. Ace felt disappointed back then because he did enjoy the time you two spent together, not the sex (although he did really enjoy that), but the time spent before that. He had so much fun with you once you relaxed around him. Even got lucky to see a glimpse from your wild side for a moment, and he dared say you are someone completely different once you let go. If he had woken up next to you that morning maybe he would have asked for your number; not to have something serious going on between you two, but if you were down to hang out from time to time would have been nice, even if you two never had sex ever again, you seemed like a person who would be quite nice to call friend at least. But then he remembered how things with his ex-girlfriend started and ended so maybe it was for the best that you just woke up and left without leaving any trace behind you, but your panties – a little reminder of the mind-blowing sex you two had had.

Noticing how hard it is for you to start speaking, Ace takes it upon his hands to break the painfully awkward ice between you two. Fingers drumming on the coffee cup impatiently, he speaks up while avoiding looking at you, eyes focused on the coffee cup in front of him. “So-”

“I’m sorry.” You blurt out interrupting him, which makes him give you a questioning look with one of his tin dark eyebrows raising up and his head tilted slightly to the side. Seeing the confusion written on his face, you try to gather yourself and your thoughts together as fast as you can, because the sooner you tell him the faster you can deal with what comes next. “I-I’m sorry is how I should start.” You quietly say and finally dare to look at him right in the eyes.

“Sorry for what?” Ace feels even more confused now, because why and for what on Earth you have to apologies to him for.

Despite the warm weather and the nice warm breeze coming from the trees around, chills run down your spine, causing goosebumps through your entire body. Wrapping the palms of your hands around the warm coffee mug with a bit of a tremble you raise it up to your lips and take a little sip of the nice warm coffee and inhaling a bit of its aroma in attempt to calm yourself down.

Putting the cup down, your fingers stay still in a strong grip around it, not letting it go as your eyes have shifted away from his once again, and are now focused on your reflection in the dark coffee. “I-I’m sorry, for t-the morning after… you know.” You shrug with one shoulder, eyes not moving from your reflection. “I-I know that it was quite rude of me to just run away, and I didn’t mean to be rude or anything like this.” Still looking at the coffee cup you let go of it with your right arm and run it though your hair, your fingers immediately find the edge of a hair strand and wrap themselves around it. “It was something new for me.” You mumble and steal a glance at him and by the looks of it he is completely lost. “No, no, I mean I-I’ve done it before, not the run-away this was a first,  but i-it’s been some time since the last time I did it and I-I m-mean, I-I’m not sleeping around don’t get it wrong, oh my there is nothing wrong with people sleeping around and if you sleep around is fine, I-I understand I did it for a bit in college but not like I was with different guys all the time, oh gosh I sound like a sex addict-”

This rant continues for a bit and Ace just lets you be. It is quite entertaining to watch and listen to it, to a point that he has leaned on with one elbow on the table with the palm of his hand pressed to his mouth as he tries to suppress his laughter, but the smile he tries to hide has reached the crease of his eyes, which don’t stay hidden from you for too long.

With heavy exhale you stop your ramblings of nonsense and look at him with tired eyes. “I’m making a fool of myself right now, am I?”

Propping his hand on the table and leaning on it he reveals his charming smile that got you hooked up with him in the first place that night he shook his head. “Nah, you’re good. Heard and seen worse than this.”

“Glad to know I’m not the craziest you’ve got.” You chuckle taking a sip of your coffee.

Smirking he doesn’t think twice and can’t help himself to stop before the words leave his mouth. “By what I’ve heard so far the craziest not, but maybe the horniest.” This makes you choke on your coffee from the embarrassment that takes over all of you, but despite that you laugh.

You haven’t laughed in weeks, and the man in front of you has managed to do this in less than twenty minutes since you have met again. This surprises you but also calms you down a bit because despite how ridiculous and confusing this all might be for him; he still finds a way to make you laugh and lighten up the situation. Just like that night two months ago.

Despite your reaction, Ace feels like he might have overstepped some boundary with you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in the offensive way or anything like that.”

Finally calm enough you look him in the eyes without feeling any shame or fear in engaging a small talk with him. “No, don’t worry. It’s nice to laugh for a bit.” The bittersweet sadness in your voice can’t be hidden well behind the smile you place on your face, and this doesn’t go unnoticed by Ace. “But for real… I’m sorry that I ran away, I just wanted to save both of us the awkward morning after.”

Placing his hand on top of his chest where his heart is, Ace breaths out dramatically. “Oh, thank God, I thought for a moment that I was so bad that you couldn’t wait to run away from me.” This wins him another loud and sincere laughter from you. 

“You’re probably used to it, aren’t you?” You glance at him with a wide smile, and he chuckles with his hands up in the air.

“What can I say, I tend to drive women away.”

“Well, I ran away I didn’t drive, so I guess this was new.” You murmur under your nose with the intention of him hearing you, which makes him laugh.

“Don’t worry. I would have probably done the same, who knows. So, no bad blood or feelings.” He assures you with another one of his charming smiles that reaches his deep brown eyes.

Seeing that you have finally relaxed to a point where you even allow yourself to joke with him, he hopes that this will give you enough confidence to talk about why you have come all the way here in search of him. “The fact that you ran back to me, which don’t get me wrong, as much as I’m surprised to see you it’s also nice, but… I cannot help and ask, why are you here?” Rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, his own anxiety starts to slowly form in the pit of his stomach. He is aware that you are not here to just apologies for your little run out or with good news and knowing that you two end up not using any protection he won’t be surprised if you tell him that you have gotten some STDs or worse - HIV.

The smile of your face is quickly wiped out and all your worries and anxiety come back at full speed. There is not a single trace of the freely joking girl from a seconds ago as she has gone back to being anxious and scared. Dragging a deep breath in you try to think of a way to bring the fact that you are pregnant into the conversation.

Shifting uncomfortably on the chair, you roll your shoulder blades and nervously start to play with the mug in your hands. “Um… I actually have some questions about that night…” You glance at him from under your lashes and he slowly nods as he shifts his body as uncomfortably as you on his chair and waits for you to ask your questions. “One of the things I’m mostly ‘curious’ about is-” You made a little air quotes with your fingers. “Um… did we use a condom?” You scrunch your face from cringe because you have never been a person who is shy about sex or speaking about it (until a few years ago) and now you feel like you are nine again when you asked your mother what sex exactly is for a first time ever after hearing your oldest cousins speaking about it.

“Well…” Ace places his hand once again on the nape of his neck as he looks at you a bit embarrassed as he hears you cursing under your nose. “Yes and no.”

Looking at him with widen eyes and eyebrows raised high you place both of your hands on the table and desperately ask him. “What do you mean yes and no?”

“The condom broke, so I tossed it away. But we did use one at first.” He explains.

You just stare at him without saying anything. The condom has broken. Mid act. And he has been aware of it. And instead of stopping or putting another condom on, he… he knocked you up. The conclusion so far from this – he is more stupid than you are.

Still trying to process why he hasn’t stopped or put on a new condom, you look at him again and remind yourself that it takes two for tango, and as much as it is his fault for you to end up pregnant, so it is his. “Didn’t we use another one after?”

“No, I was out of condoms.” He tells you and before you can ask him anything more, Ace’s patience has grown tin, and he just wants you to get straight to the point. “Look just let’s cut the chase and get straight to the point.” He snaps, a bit too harsh than he intended to come out; not only does the tone of his voice sound impatient but so is his whole-body posture, which startles you a bit because of how fast he seems to get hotheaded when his patience runs out.

“Please, calm down.” You whisper, your whole-body tense with fear.

Ace’s deep brown eyes fill with regret immediately because the last thing he wants to do is to scare you, and somehow, he has managed to do so, and thanks to his job and the education he has gone thought to get to where he is now, he clearly can see it now. You are not some shy anxious girl, which opens her shell from time to time to reveal her true self; it is worse than this. You have trauma responses, which are probably caused by an ex-partner or from some of your parents, but from your little ‘sex life’ rant, it is from some asshole from your past.

Cursing himself under his breath, he looks at you and calls out your name until you dare to look back at him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you or anything like this.” You can see that he is sincere, and he doesn’t mean to be an ass towards you. “I’m just aware that you’re not here with good news and… and I can be also anxious at times, and when I am… I tend to be a bit of a hothead, for which I’m sorry.”

What people don’t know is that firefighters don’t answer only to fire related emergencies. They answer to all kind of emergency from fire to abusive husbands to people trying to commit suicide. Therefore, Ace has learned that when someone is reminded of their trauma and their trauma response switches on, the only thing that helps is to be honest and vulnerable with them, for the person to trust and listen. That is why he tells you how he reacts sometimes when he is under stress; for you not to be afraid of him and talk about whatever you are here for.

You are taken by surprise by his honestly and you clearly see that he is not manipulating you into trusting him. Nodding your head more to yourself than him, you breathe out. He is right. It is better to get to the point faster than drag it for as long as you can because at the end of the day you must tell him about Dot.

“I promise, I’ll keep my cool no matter what sexual disease you’ve been diagnosed with, but please tell me it’s not HIV.” He tries to lightly joke, but now you clearly hear the worry in his voice. He is scared, and he has every right to fear something like this, but maybe this is better. This means that hearing that you are pregnant should be the lesser evil, right?

With an unpleasant chuckle, you shake your head, a bit relieved by his promise to keep it cool, and because it hasn’t crossed your mind that a STD is way scarier than a baby.

Grabbing your face with your hands and running them up to your hair to pull it at the roots, you mentally count to three and with one deep inhale and an exhale you just spit it out to him. “Ace, I’m pregnant.”

It is like the whole world, no – the whole universe has stopped for a second, because Ace cannot feel the ground under his feet, nor the air reaching his lungs. He has frozen on the spot. All the colors have left his face, and he looks exactly like you in the morning when you have to deal with your morning sickness. He is so frozen he is not even blinking.

“Ace…” You call out his name, but there is no reaction, just a blank stare. You turn to look behind you in case if he has seen a ghost or something, but there are only two elderly women sipping coffee with some cake a few tables away from you. Looking back at him, he is still as frozen as before. “Ace, please say something.” You reach with your hand and place it on top of his forearm.

Your touch causes electric chills to run though his entire body snapping him out of his trance before his eyes snap back at you. Nothing but panic can be read in them. Eyes shift between your face and the hand that is touching him, you get the hint and pull your hand back. Breathing deeply in and out, he looks at you and tries to speak up. “S-say that again…”

Unsure and confused you slowly nod and repeat yourself. “I’m… pregnant…”

Hearing it for a second time doesn’t make it less real or pleasant. This can’t be for real. Thinking about it now, he would rather get HIV than hear that he has gotten a girl pregnant. He doesn’t care if he will reach his retirement anyway nor he wants to live long, so he would definitely prefer a disease over a… he can’t even say the word in his mind without wanting to puck. Just thinking about it makes him gag.

Covering his mouth with the palm of his hand he does think that he will throw up any second now. “Ace are you-” He doesn’t let you finish as he lifts his other hand in the air and giving you a pleading look to stop speaking for a second.

You thought that you have had it badly when you found out that you are pregnant, but by the looks of it, Ace takes the news worse than you. Pushing your chair back, you get up from it. “I’m going to get you some water, okay?” All you get back as a response is a nod.

While you run inside the bakery to get some cold water, your words are echoing in Ace’s mind over and over again. “I’m pregnant.” - The words that he has never wanted to hear from any woman ever and his biggest nightmare have become a reality today. This must be some sick joke.

“Here.” He hasn’t noticed you coming back until you shake the ice-cold water bottle in front of his face. Removing his hand from his mouth as the awful feeling hasn’t gone away yet, he takes the bottle from you and drinks it in one go.

You just sit across from him without saying anything, giving him all the time he needs to prosses the news before you continues your conversation.

Trying to collect his breathing, Ace leans with his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. This has to be a joke. He cannot be a father. How can he be so stupid and reckless with the only thing he has always made sure to be extremely careful with. Glancing at you from the corner of his eyes, it is now his turn to ask questions. “How sure are you that I’m the father?”

You expect this question, so you don’t feel offended by it. “You are the only man I’ve slept with in the past two years.” As much as you feel embarrassed to share your sexual life with him as he is still a stranger to you, he is Dot’s father and if you decide to keep Dot, this man will become part of your life permanently, if he wants too.

This piece of information makes Ace whip his head towards you so fast it almost made him snap his neck. This is all he needs to hear to confirm that this entire thing is a joke. “Okay, nice one.” He chuckles as he gets up and grabs his head with both of his hands looking at the clear blue sky. “Tell Thatch that I’m going to pay him back very good for this prank. Damn, he got me good.” Ace breathlessly laughs as he shakes his head.

Looking at him from your seat you raise one eyebrow in confusion. “Ace, this isn’t a joke. I am pregnant.”

Shaking his head, he looks at you and continues to laugh. “Yea, no. I’m not believing this shit anymore. I might’ve believed it if you’ve said you have slept with some other guy before or after me, but a woman like you too have been on dry for two years is ridiculous.” Gesturing with his hand at you and checking you up and down while saying all of this makes you sick to your stomach.

He asking if Dot is his is fine and understandable. But making such an offensive comment towards you like you sleep with every single man that crosses your path has crossed the line. “Excuse me? A woman like me?” You place your hands on the table as you stand up with look of disbelief on your face.

Coming closer to you, he stands and mimics your pose, still needing to bend a bit to match your height, he smirks at you. “Come on, you’ve got your act pretty believable until you said I’m the only one you’ve slept with in like two years. You’re way too pretty for men to not pay you attention.”

All you do is stare at him with disgust. He was too good by truth, and you knew it. Ace has just showed his true colors and for the second time in your life you have misjudged a ‘nice’ guy for a complete asshole. But as much as he disgusts you, he is Dot’s father and right now he is making the decision quite easy for you whenever or not you are going to keep Dot.

Sitting back on the chair you slightly turn around to get your handbag and prop it on your leg to search for the pic of the ultrasound and the pregnancy test. Despite how offended and angry you feel, you are doing this for Dot. Finding what you are looking for, you wrap your fingers around the pregnancy test and the ultrasound picture of Dot before taking them out and placing them on the table in front of Ace to see.

The smug smile he has on his face is gone, the second he sees what you place in front of him. The test can be questioned whether it is real or not, but the ultrasound picture seems to be real, way too real and detailed for someone to decide to go that far for a prank.

Slowly sitting back, he takes the picture and looks at it. You are pregnant and the biggest proof is the little dot-like thing on it that is barely visible. The sickness in his stomach comes back again. This is not a sick joke. This is a sick reality.

“This is Dot.” You softly speak, still mad at him, but when it comes to Dot you have a soft spot for them. “This is them when they were six weeks old, they are eight weeks now… and-” Taking a deep breath in trying to keep your emotions in check as when it comes to the topic whenever or not Dot will continue to grow bigger nor not is still a choice to be made. “And… I’m not sure if… if they should continue to grow… and I’m sure you know what I mean by this.”

Hearing this from you Ace gets a bit of hope that you have some common sense floating in your brain. At first when he hears that you have named the fetus already, he has thought that he is doomed and you want to keep it, but now there is a chance that you might do the right thing and get rid of it.

Ace might come up as an asshole sometimes, but everyone who knows him know that he is in fact a very good guy. After what he has told you he knows that you probably view him as one of those nasty men that just uses and manipulates women all the time for their own sick pleasures and right now, he doesn’t care. He is in fact glad you think this of him.

“And despite of your assumptions of me being a whore, I’m willing to even pay for the paternity test myself just to prove you that Dot is in fact yours.” You tell him with anger in your voice. Yes, now he is fully aware that he has messed up with you pretty badly, but this isn’t important now. Before he tries to do his best to get rid of that thing he has some questions himself.

“No need of paternity test.” He finally looks away from the picture and back at you. “I’ve asked you right after the condom broke if you were on the pill and you told me yes. How the fuck did this happened?”

Now this explains a lot in this whole messy situation, because you don’t remember any of this. “Ace, I’ve never been on the pill, nor do I remember being asked about it by you if I were! Let alone telling you yes about it.” Now it is you that snaps back at him.

Ace hates to see that despite your anger towards him, you are not lying. You are as shocked as he is to hear that you have never been on the pill. This is entirely his fault. He is now getting all the memories back from the night spent with you and that confirming answer from you has been nothing but a moan of pleasure.

Taking his head in his hands, with the picture in between his point and middle finger, he whines and curses himself. This is his fault. He admits it himself that this one is on him.

“If you knew that the condom broke, why didn’t you pull out?” This has been a question you have been dying to ask him since you found out that you are pregnant.

“And why didn’t you take a plan B the next day?” He snaps back at you, but this time his tone is gentler, and the question doesn’t come out in a way of blaming you for this, but it comes full of desperation, because the last thing he has ever wanted is a kid.

Slouching on the chair, you look down, avoiding his eyes as shame takes over you and the stupid mistake you have made. “Because I thought we used a condom.” You quietly answer.

“And I thought you were on the pill.” He replies.

Both of you stay silent for a moment. Both of you have many questions, but don’t know how to ask them. Both of you are afraid and regretful for your own reasons. Neither of you know what to do or say next.

“I’m sorry.” Ace breaks the silence; eyes fixed on the ultrasound pic.

Lifting your head a bit and looking at him with a slightly tilt to the side, you are not sure what exactly he is apologizing for. “For?”

As much as he wants to keep being an ass in your eyes, deep down he knows he will hate himself for offending a woman in the way he has offended you. His mother has taught him nothing but to be respectful towards women and if she ever finds out what he has said to the sweet girl seating in front of him right now, Portgas D Rouge, would beat the shit of her grown ass son.

“For getting you pregnant and for what I said early.” He first looks at you in the eyes with shame written all over his face and then his eyes travel down to your invisible stomach. “I didn’t mean to offend you by what I said earlier and believe me I didn’t mean that you’re a woman that sleeps around.” He has already knocked you up, he cannot embarrass himself more than this but still knowing what he is about to say next makes the tip of his ears burn. “What I meant is that you’re way too beautiful, especially for a guy like me, and I must be a fool to think that you don’t have many guys waiting for you to just glance at them.”

This is not what you have expected at all. An apology. Especially not an apology for either of these matters at all from him, or any men to begin with. You are more than surprised to hear it let alone receive it. You also don’t expect any compliment from him but hearing that he thinks that you are beautiful makes your heart skip a beat, but you ignore it because this is not of importance right now.

Maybe you can give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, part of you think that he has taken the news of your pregnancy worse than you have and you think he is still not done processing it. “It’s fine. I didn’t expect you to be happy hearing that I’m pregnant. And this pregnancy is not only your fault.”

It pains him a bit that you are so understanding, and not bitchy and blame it all on him, then you can easily fight, you can see how shitty he can be and realize that the biggest mistake you can ever make in your life is to have a child with him.

One thing Ace has learned so far by being in your presence is that you do not fall for bullshits and if he wants you to abort this thing growing inside of you, he must be a hundred percent honest with you.

“Look.” He starts as he licks his lips and bites hard on his lower lip as he shut his eyes closed for a second, only to open them again and find himself still holding onto the picture of the ultrasound. “I must be honest with you. I’ve never wanted to be a father.” Turning the ultrasound picture toward you, he shrugs. “This doesn’t bring up any emotion in me.” Giving the picture back to you, you take it from his hands and look at Dot.

By now Dot has grown a bit. From what you’ve researched, Dot should be the size of a raspberry by now. “I didn’t show you the picture to feel something. I showed it to you as a proof that I’m pregnant, but if you still don’t believe me, we can always do a paternity test.” You don’t feel offended or mad at him for not feeling anything for Dot. The only thing you feel is jealousy. You wish you didn’t feel anything towards the little raspberry growing inside of you, but you do and that is your problem. “I just waned to find you and let you know about Dot, whenever I decide to keep it or not.” Placing your hands on the sides of the now cold coffee mug, you fix your attention to it as you play around with it. “Whenever you decide to be part of their life or not, I’ll respect it.”

Ace cringes when he hears you calling the thing ‘Dot’, making you sound so loving and attached to it, but he is also taken by surprise by your words. He is fully aware that if he has no saying in your choice of keep the thing or not (because he cannot call it a baby, the word itself makes him feel sick), but he is surprised to hear that you are willing to give him the choice whenever or not to be part of its life.

“Wait, let me get this straight if I understand correctly.” He waves his hand in front of you to get your attention. Once you eyes are fixed on him, he continues. “So… you’re still not sure if you want to keep it or not, but also if you keep it, you are fine with me not being part of its life?” He must have missed something you have said before because there is no way in this world that any sane woman would say such thing.

“That is another reason why I wanted to speak with you.” Eyes shifting between him and the ultrasound of Dot, you can feel the emotions starting to bubble inside of you. “For the past three weeks that I’ve known of Dot’s existence, I no longer know what is right and what is wrong.” Your eyes start to water, and you look up as you try everything to keep them from falling. “I know what the right thing to do is, but then there is this part of me that screams at me that if I do it, I’ll regret it till the rest of my life. But then this decision will not only affect my life, but two others as well.” A single tear falls from the corner of your eye, but you quickly wipe it away, not wanting to let him see you cry. “Especially now, hearing how you never wanted to be a father, I cannot put you in a position to be one. This will be so selfish of me to do.” And you have been selfish only once in your life so far, and funny enough, it was also a life-changing choice that you have made. “On the other hand, I’m pretty confident that I can manage to take care of a child all by myself without even needing child support or anything like it, because I’m already established in my career. So, to make myself very clear, I want you to know from now on that no matter if I keep Dot or not, with you being part of their life or not, they’ll be very loved and well taken care off.” You finally dare to look at him with bloody red eyes and all the power in you not to cry.

Ace doesn’t say anything as his brain is trying to assimilate everything you have just said. The only conclusion he has reached so far is one – he always gets the crazy ones, and you are not an exception to it.

“Please, say something…” You beg him.

Running a hand though his face, his eyes settle on you, and he gives you a shrug. “I don’t know what to say (Y/N).” His mind is a mess. His biggest nightmare has come true, and he has no idea how to handle it. He wants to scream and punch something just to let go of the unpleasant emotions he is feeling right now. Ace wants to scream and blame you for this, but in the end, he blames himself more than he does you. You do seem like a girl who would want to be a mother and surely will make a good one too. Of course, you are already attached to the thing growing inside of you, but if he can somehow change your mind, now is his chance.

“You’ve said it yourself that you know what the right thing to do is, and I support you a hundred percent on this decision. Because just think about it for a second; there is no doubt that you will do great as a single mother, but if you decide to keep it, I won’t let you be one.” You stay still and quiet listening to him, because you can see he has a lot to say. “But I’m not the type of a man that is cut to be a father, you know? I might be the same age as you, but I’m still reckless as hell. I’ve never committed to anyone so please don’t expect anything like this from me because you’ll never get it. On top of it my work takes eighty percent of my time which means that I’ll be barely around, so despite being part of the kid’s life, I won’t be the most invested father to begin with.” If he have to call himself a ‘father’ one more time Ace will throw up for real this time. “Every kid deserves to be loved by both its parents, right?” He glances at you waiting for a response, but you decide to say nothing, because this is another painful subject for you to talk about. “Look, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I’m the right man to have a child with, and you look like a woman who deserves someone good.”

He is right. About everything he has said, he is right. You know that he is right, but you wish he isn’t.

The sadness in your eyes is clear from miles away and Ace can see it, but this is a serious matter, and he needs to be honest with you, because having a child is not the same as having a puppy. That is why you must know and think carefully about what he can bring to the table in case you decide to keep the child.

“Thank you, Ace.” You say after some time. “I think I needed to hear this to make up my mind.” Reaching from the pregnancy test, you put it back in your handbag together with Dot’s ultrasound picture. “I have time until Tuesday to tell my doctor what my final decision is so… if it’s okay can I have your number to let you know as well?”

Ace nods and you give him your phone to put his number on it. He hands it back to you and you thank him. “I must head back to the station; I’m a bit over my break.” He tells you as he gets up and waits for you to do the same.

There is nothing more you two can speak about anyway. Both of you are mentally exhausted after this conversation and need some time off to think clearly and make decisions.

Leaving the bakery you slowly make your way back to the fire station. Just like when you have left it, the way back is spent once again in silence. Before you reach the fire station, Ace turns and looks at you. “How are you getting back home?”

“I’ve stopped my car at the parking nearby.” You tell him and he nods.

“Nice. Well…” Ace point with his thumb behind his back at the fire station. “Hear from you soon?”

You nod with a hum. “Yes, I’ll try to take the decision as soon as possible.” Standing awkwardly in silence with just the wind around you making sound as it dances around the crowns of the trees, you click with your tongue and clap with your hands catching Ace’s attention. “So, my time to run away has come once again.” Softly chuckling Ace agrees with you.

You turn away without saying anything, making your way to the parking lot when he shouts out your name, making you turn around to look at him. “Goodbye, runaway girl.” You give him a small smile and a wave before continuing on your own way.

The moment Ace walks into the fire station he runs to the toilets, because he can no longer hold how he feels about eventually becoming a ‘father’. He would never have guessed that he could throw up because of bad news, but there is always a first. Flushing the toilet, he gets out of it and goes to wash his hands as he looks at his reflection in the mirror as he lets the water run on his hands.

This can’t be real. This has to be some very long and vivid nightmare he is having after a long shift at work. He still cannot believe that this might be happening. All of this because of some misunderstanding, for which he blames only himself, after all he is the one who didn’t pull out, not you.

You. Why do you have to be so understanding and make things harder for him. He still cannot believe how selflessly you have told him that you would understand if he didn’t want to be part of the kid’s life, because this compensates for not having a choice whenever you keep it or not.

He hopes; no – he prays, despite not being religious that whatever God or power is out there will bring some sense into you, and you get rid of the thing. Ace cannot be a father, but he won’t let you be a single mother if you decide to keep it.

Despite being married, his mother has taken care of him and his brothers all alone, while his ‘father’, whom Ace always call by his name – Roger, was always at sea. Roger would come home like two times per year, for a month at best and then leave again.

When he was a child he didn’t see or understand how hard it might have been for his mother to take care of three very mischievous and stubborn boys, but once Ace started growing up and saw the world from an adult perspective, he never understood why his mom never left Roger. A man who was never around and was a father only on paper.

Splashing some water on his face to gain some sense, he reminds himself that he must get his shit together because he is at work, plus you still haven’t made up your mind. He might be lucky and get a call from you in which you say that you will get the abortion, and it all will be back to normal.

“I got this. I got this.” Ace keeps on telling himself as he goes out of the restroom and makes his way to where his fire crew is.

Marco and Thatch are the first ones to see him, and both walk to him, worry clearly written on their face.

“Hey, man! You good?” Thatch places his hand on Ace’s shoulder and gives him a strong squeeze, one that says whatever is going on you have us.

Biting on his inner cheeks the dark-haired man just nods, unable to find his voice at the moment.

“Ace are you sure you are okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Marco adds as he scans his friend from head to toe. “What happened? You’ve been gone for quite some time with this girl.”

“Yeah, what happened? What did she want from you?” Thatch asks taking a step closer to Ace, which makes him feel suffocated and he cannot take any more conversations or questions for today. Pushing Thatch’s hand away from his shoulder, he also pushes his friends to the side as he passes by them.

Thatch calls his name, ready to go after him, when Marco puts a hand on his chest and shakes his head. “Let him be. By the looks of it, it might be worse than we thought.” Both look at the direction where Ace is standing all spaced out and not saying anything, and this continues till the next morning when their shift is over.

Ace leaves without saying anything to anyone. He doesn’t have the energy for any of it as he barely has slept due to his mind worrying about what is about to come next.

If only he could turn back time he would have never even speak with you just to be sure that this mistake would never happen. If he can be grand one wish right now, it will be for you to make the right choice and save you both of parenthood. He feels bad but part of him hopes that if you decide to keep “Dot” (that fucking nickname has stuck to his mind like a parasite), some miracle might happen, and you will miscarriage it and he will get to live his life the way he has always wanted it – with no regrets for nothing.

Because Ace has never regrated anything in his life… so far. And he will give anything and everything to keep it that way, but now this is all in your hands. His, yours and the thing growing inside of you – all your futures depend on the one single choice you must make by Tuesday. And something in Ace’s gut tells him that it will not be the choice he would like to hear.

It has been three days since you have met and spoken with Ace, and you are a mess. You don’t know what to do. Again.

One second you are sure that you have made up your mind and you are going to call Doctor Belladonna to schedule your abortion, then just when you grab your phone you change your mind and open Instagram or TikTok, and of course, thanks to the algorithm, the first thing to comes up is always a video or a picture of a cute baby and your mind runs back to your little Dot and how you cannot say goodbye to it.

Today is Tuesday. You must contact Doctor Belladonna’s office by five in the afternoon to let her know your decision. For these past three days you haven’t heard anything from Ace, and you haven’t contacted him either. After all you have made a “deal” that you will contact him only about the decision you make, not for small talks.

It has been three very long and sleepless nights, where you have been tossing around in bed unable to sleep as time is ticking and you are running out of it too fast.

You have had a pregnancy scare once before. Four years ago, to be exact. You were still with your ex-boyfriend at the time, and you remember that back then you had known that no matter what you would get rid of it. It wasn’t about being so young back then, it was more about that deep down you always knew there was something sketchy with your ex, and the last thing you wanted to bring to this world is a child with a man like him.

But now… now is different. Now you are in fact pregnant, and it is not just a pregnancy scare. On top of it, you are pregnant with a total stranger’s baby - who, by the way, has never ever wanted to become a father, which makes the situation even more messier, because despite not wanting to be a father, he has made it clear that if you keep Dot he won’t let you raise it alone, but how selfish you must be to do this? To make someone be something they never wanted to be is such a cruel and selfish thing to do.

Then there is another thing that bugs you. Why does Ace think he is “not cut” to be a father? By what he has shown you so far, he seems like a well-grounded person. A well-grounded man. Even when he offended you, you clearly saw that he was sincere when he apologized about it and explained that this wasn’t what he meant. There is something about this man that tells you that he is a good man… but could you be wrong about this?

His reasoning to not be a good father is good. His profession is risky and takes a lot of his time and personal life, but many firefighters have families without any problem, but then again – he has said it himself: he doesn’t want to be father nor a family man. Maybe he grew up in a shitty home himself. Not that you will want to start family with him, but Dot deserves two parents. Two loving parents. Every child deserves loving parents. If you keep Dot, can you manage to give them enough love to fill up the gaps they might be missing from their father?

You don’t want Dot to grow up feeling unloved. You don’t want Dot to grow up like you. With parents who are barely there and making them feel unloved or unwanted, because their career or business comes first. You don’t want Dot to grow up with low self-esteem and someone to take advantage of their kindness in their lowest moment, just because they are willing to do anything to feel loved by someone.

Will you be enough for Dot? Because if you keep it, you will have to make it clear to Ace that if he wants to be part of their life he must be there all the time, not just on birthdays and some events like the end of kindergarten or the first day of school, because if this is how he plans to be included in Dot’s life as their father, he better not be part of it at all.

You grew up with parents who were there only for the major events that required all parents to attend, but other than this they have never been there for you. They have always been there financially, but never emotionally. You don’t want this for Dot.

But you can’t require something like this from Ace, neither can you stop him from being part of his child’s life, because at the end of the day Dot is as much his as they are yours.

What if you are the one who lets Dot down? What if you turn into your own parents and Dot spent their life looking always for your approval? Or worse you are the one who will fuck them up by becoming the worst mother to exists and in the end, they hate you for ruining their life and even giving birth to them?

Sitting with your knees bend and legs close to your chest on the couch in the middle of the living room in your spacious and luxurious apartment, you give yourself ten more minutes to make the decision of your life and call Doctor Belladonna with your final choice.

The sunlight coming from the big arched-shaped windows reflects on the coffee table in front of you and all the latest fashion magazines laying on them. Most on the faces on the covers are clients of yours, or people who are trying to get ahold of you to represent them. It is unbelievable how fast your name has become important in the world of fashion when it comes to representing models, despite all the insecurities you have within yourself.

You have finally made progress in your life after you have left your ex-boyfriend and all the trauma, he has caused you though his emotional and mental abuse. There has been finally some light in the tunnel for you to start getting your old self back and… and life throws another challenge at you.

Even when you were with him you were on top of your career. There are people out there who will kill to be in your position. Pregnancy won’t affect it much, but it will affect it once you give birth because for just a moment you will have to step down, and like many other professions this one is also not very nice when it comes to motherhood. Sometimes just a moment away can cost your whole career in the industry you are in. On the other hand, you have your best friend Boa, who is currently the most famous and wanted model to work with, who you know will never betray you and with whom. As long as she is in demand you will be as well, because no one can handle managing this diva like you do. Only you.

But you don’t really care whenever or not you will be at the top again. All that will matter if you keep Dot is to be the best mother they can have. But can you do this? Can you be the best mother for the little raspberry growing inside of you?

“I can.” You whisper to yourself; a tear falls down from the corner of your eye as you gently caress your stomach. “I can and will do anything to be the best mother out there Dot… but not now.” An agonizing cry leaves your lips as you hold your stomach with one hand and with the other clenching your phone. “I’m sorry, Dot.” You speak to them, something you have been doing a lot in the past week. Dot is such a good listener, despite not having any hearing developed yet. They don’t judge or argue with you, they just listen.

Hopefully Dot will also understand. Understand that this is the best choice to be made at the moment. You cannot be selfish. As much as you want to, you cannot afford to be.

Looking up at the ceiling you sniff as you try to calm yourself down. Your eyes are shut, and you squeeze them so hard, wishing that when you open them it will all have been a bad nightmare and none of it will be true, but the reality is different. This is true and this is happening, and you can’t do anything to change it.

“Please…” You plead to whatever power is out there. “Please, if I am making a mistake give me a sign or something… anything…” You cry out quietly and then stay silent for a moment.

Nothing. There is nothing. No sign, no noise, no movement. Just silence.

Taking a deep breath in you wipe the tears from your face with the back of your hand and look at the lockscreen of your phone. Ten minutes have passed. The time you have given yourself is over.

Swallowing hard, you unlock your phone and dial Doctor Belladonna’s number. You wait for a bit until you get a response from the other side. “Hello! This is Doctor Belladonna’s office number; how can I help you?” You recognize the voice coming from the other side. It is the nurse working with your obstetrician.

“Um… hello…” You quietly speak up and tell the nurse your name. “Could I speak with Doctor Belladonna myself?”

“Yes, of course. She has been expecting your call today. Could you please hold the line so I can redirect you with her?”

“Yes, of course.” You tell the nurse and wait to be redirected with the doctor herself. While waiting you shift your body a bit to reach the coffee table and take the ultrasound picture of Dot. It has been almost three weeks since your first ultrasound. You wonder how big Dot will appear now in the picture.

Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear the doctor’s voice from the other side. “How are you today?”

Deep sigh leaves your lips. “I’ve been better.” There is no point lying to her.

“I understand. Have you made up your mind?”

Taking one last look at the ultrasound in your hands you breathe deeply. “Yes, yes I have.” Doctor Belladonna lets you take your time with your answer. “I… I-I would like to schedule an abortion, but can we do it as soon as possible?”

“Of course. I will have my nurse contact you and give you the first one available.”

Doctor Belladonna and you say your goodbyes and the line cuts. A few minutes later you receive a message:

[Doctor Belladonna’s office]: Thursday 17:00 – Medical Abortion

Without wasting any time, you dial Ace’s number. It doesn’t take even two rings before he picks up. “Hey.” His voice sounds a bit raspier than usual.

“Hey. Is it okay to speak?”

“Of course. What’s up?”

“I just spoke with my obstetrician, and… I… I scheduled for abortion.” There is no response from the other side. “I must go there on Thursday at five in the afternoon.”

“Okay.” Is all he says, but what else is he supposed to tell you?

“Ace…” You feel your voice starting to tremble. He hums in response. “Can you come with me? I don’t want to do this alone... I-I… I don’t think I can do this alone…”

He is again silent for a bit and before you can tell him that this is a stupid request of yours and that he should forget about it, he interrupts. “Of course. Just text me the address and I’ll be there.”

“I will… thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” With this the line cuts once more and you are left alone.

Throwing your phone to the side, you lay on your couch with tears streaming down your face. You wish all of this was different, but it isn’t. This has been the right thing to do from the beginning. There is no going back now. You have two days left with Dot. Two days in which you have the time to say your goodbyes with them.

END NOTE: I want to start with a little message to all of you beautiful people out there: If you have been through something like Reader and Ace, you are not alone and whatever choice you have made that was your choice and it was the right one ♡ I hope you remember that everyone has their own and different path in life, and if it wasn't the time for this - it is fine, don't blame yourself at all ♡ I believe this is a step in life that should be done when you feel ready and when you feel like you want it (and if you never want something like this it is also fine ♡), so again no matter what choice you have made remember - it is always your choice and your body and no one can ever take this from you ♡ Also you are not alone in this and if you feel like speaking with someone about it my messages are always open to listen to you ♡

I hope you liked this chapter, and as always every like, comment, reblog and message you send me is deeply appreciated by me ♡ Thank you for all the love you give to this fic, I'm beyond grateful to all of you ♡

Also I think I've missed a few people before in the taglist for which I'm sincerely sorry, but now it should be all fixed ♡

Take care and don't forget that you are never alone ♡

Taglist - OPEN: @orange-milky @igoontoonepiece @m1kkso @boomboom-tanjiro2019 @aceismyloveforever @firelilyofthevalley @ye-old-hermit-woman @fulltravelerdreamland @ffinosie @sungiebby @mrstraffy @ren-ni @acidblack @certain-tragedies @pmgranate @praline357 @stuckinthewrongworld @hlkenoace @kattywhomper @gojossixtheyes @starsandshht @cruziival72 @choso-ver @lilink @acesluvrxx @no-regrets-just-confusion @purplefluffycows @magicalmatcha @straight-n-arrow @stuckinmymind22 @moldychefboyardeecan @ryuwinx @tumdlrnewb84 @yourname33568888 @ashly-lovely @peachessprincess @emmaiscool22 @scorpionsglow @yourname33568888 @taylor4taytay @lunamoonbby @rory-cakes @1chaerry @demigoddesofchimichangagod @sleeplessaddy @igoontoonepiece @angle1716 @aceromancy

Comment down below if you want to be tagged when a new chapter is up ♡

It has been two days since you found out that you are pregnant and you haven’t told anybody yet. Not even your best friend Boa. You have tried everything in your power in the past two days to ignore everyone and everything in desperate attempts to collect and make up your mind.  

You know what the best solution for this “little” accident is, but you aren’t a hundred percent sure that you want to do this. At least not alone.  

Walking back and forth around your apartment you try to calm yourself down. In an hour you are going for a brunch with Boa and Marguerite, and you are planning to tell them about the little problem you have.  

On top of this mess, you are also in an internal battle with yourself. Should you find your baby daddy? If you are going to abort it, should you let him know? He has the right to know, but… what if he turns out to be pro-lifer? Not like he will stop you from aborting it if you decide to go with this option, but what happens if you find him, tell him and he wants you to keep it? Or worse – what if you decide to keep it and he doesn’t want it? Are you ready for the single mom life? Will you manage as a single mother? 

All these questions have been stuck to your mind on repeat in the past two days and if you don’t speak with someone soon you are going to lose it. That is why you need to share the “exciting” news with your friends and hear their opinion on the matter. They should think more clearly than you are therefore they might give you the answers you are looking for.  

And if they don’t, tomorrow you have your weekly session with your therapist Nico Robin, she must provide the best advice you will need. You hope.  

Dressed up in a pair of dark flare jeans with tight button up white shirt, you put on some jewelleries before taking one last look at yourself before heading to leave your place. Putting on a pair of red kitten high-heels and reaching out for the matching red handbag you lock your place and make your way to the brunch spot Boa has reserved.   

To ease up your very calm nerves, the universe, of course it is on your side, decides to stick you up in the traffic jam. Reaching for your phone you send a quick message to your group chat that you would be late a few minutes and that they should go in without you and you will meet them there.  

Thankfully the parking spots next to the restaurant are free and at least for this your nerves are speared.  

Taking a deep breath in, you stop the car and look yourself up in the rare mirror. “Why?” The question comes out with a sigh, and it is towards yourself and the universe. Why you ended up pregnant after the only night you let yourself be wild and spontaneous in years? This must be some very sick joke life is throwing at you.  

Grabbing your bag, you leave the car and lock it, making your way inside.  

You have been to this place before. It is a well know brunch spot for the upper-class people around the city. The type of place where you pay ridiculous price for an avocado toast and poached eggs, but neither you nor your friends complain about it. After all, you all work hard and make quite a lot of money to effort nice things in life.  

Walking in further into the restaurant where the indoor garden is, you see your friends sitting and chitchatting around one of the nicely put round tables. The place is very cozy and nice, with big windows walls surrounding it, the sun shining outside lighting up the place. This beautiful, picturesque place is surrounded by different types of flowers and marble statues in between the corners, giving it nicer touch.  

Your kitten heels clicking on the marble floor catches your friends' attention as you get close to them, and Marguerite squeaks with excitement once she sees you. She has been oversea for two months now and she has missed you and Boa a lot. Pushing her chair, she gets up on her feet and welcomes you in a strong hug. “I’ve missed you so much.” Her voice comes up muffled as she is rocking you from side to side in her strong grip.  

Marguerite is probably your second-best friend after Boa. She knows about you as much as Boa does, but still Boa has been the one who has been there for you since day one. Marguerite has come around your college years. Her bright uplifting personality has made you and Boa getting her into your inner circle and since then you three have become inseparable.  

Dressed in a leopard halterneck top and long white tailored pants with a black belt around her waist, Maggie, as you two call her for short, is a beautiful tall slender woman with a lighter skin, brown eyes and short cut on bob style blond hair. 

“I’ve missed you, too Maggie.” You tell her pulling away. Before taking your seat around the table, you hug Boa for hello. “I’m sorry, girls. The traffic was awful.” Finally sitting down, you grab the menu in front of you and scanned it with your eyes. Even though you are familiar with it, nothing seems appealing to your stomach.  

The morning sickness has kicked in a week ago, which has been the wakeup call of you finally noticing that you have been late and you have missed your period. The past month you have been so busy with work that when you finally noticed that you are late, you blamed it on stress, and oh boy… how wrong have you been.  

“Don’t worry we waited for you, but we ordered drinks, so you better don’t mind enjoying some nice and cold margaritas.” Maggie shakes her body in a little dance move as a big smile spreads across her face.  

You wish you could enjoy one, but you can’t. Not while being pregnant, but your friends don’t know this… yet. “Oh, I would love to girls, but I’m driving so I won’t be able to.” Technically you are not lying, you are in fact driving after the brunch is done.  

“What? You’re with your car? I thought you took an uber?” Boa raises one of her eyebrows at you. “Why did you come with the car?”  

You need to think fast, because you can’t tell them the real reason of why you have taken your car instead of an uber. It isn’t because you are a fan of driving in your big city and traffic jams, but because after the brunch you have made an appointment with an obstetrician to check on the fetus and exactly how far along are you. But you can’t tell them that, yet.  

Thankfully the waiter comes to serves your drinks, which saves you a bit more time to think of an excuse of why you are with your own car. “Have you ladies decided what would you like to eat?” The waiter politely smiles at you.  

Both Boa and Marguerite tells him their orders and hand back the menus and now it is only you left to order. Scanning the menu one more time you choose the thing that seems the least likely to cause any nauseous or at least if it does you hope it will be just the feeling of it, and you wouldn’t need to run to the toilet to puke.  

“Also, could you please take this away?” You hand him one of the glasses filled up with the alcohol cocktail. “My friends didn’t know that I’m driving, so I must give it back to you. I’ll take water instead.” He just nods with a polite smile and walks away.  

“So… where are you going afterwards?” Boa doesn’t waste any second to shoot her question at you. 

Shrugging with one shoulder, trying to hide your internal panic you clear your voice before answering her. “I have a doctor appointment.”  

“What? Are you okay?” Placing her hand gently on top of yours, Marguerite’s big brown eyes shoot you a worried look.  

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Placing your other hand on top of hers, you give her a gentle squeeze. “It’s just a regular check-up.”  

Again, you are not lying. You are just saving some details, is what you are saying to yourself, easing your guilt a bit. You don’t like lying to your friends and you hope they won’t ask any more questions related to this.  

“Oh, okay. Regular check-ups are important. I just got scared that it’s something serious.” Taking her hand away she puts it on her chest where her heart is and relax, hearing that you are fine and nothing is wrong with you.  

The conversation starts to flow naturally again, with mostly Boa and Marguerite talking about their recent trips and gossips in your life. Your food has come as well, but you barely touch it. Too nervous of what it is coming next, your stomach is on a tight knot.  

How do you tell your friends that you are knocked up? ‘Hey, girls. Sorry for interrupting. By the way, I’m pregnant and also, I have no idea where or how to find the guy who knocked me up, but hey Boa please tell me again about the mind-blowing sex you had with this rich old money boy you met in Paris?’ Yes, this is definitely not how you bring this up.  

This doesn’t go unnoticed by your friends at all. Yes, in the past few years you have gotten quieter than what you used to be, but today something is really bothering you. You barely indulge in the conversations; your food is untouched and all you do is drinking water and looking like you are about to throw up any second now.  

“Okay, missy.” Boa has had enough. Clicking with her fingers in front of your face to get your attention you turn to her. “Speak up.”  

“What?” You look at her with a bit of fear and surprise. “What’s wrong?”  

“Something with you obviously.” Boa chuckles, crossing her arms across her chest, leaning on the back of the chair, her eyes pierced on you.  

Seeing how stiff you get, Marguerite steps in. “Boa.” She shushes her with a deadly glance. “She is obviously not feeling good today.” Looking now at you she gives you a sympathetic smile. “What’s wrong (Y/N)?”  

Your eyes are shifting from side to side between your friends. How do you tell them?  

Taking a deep shaky breath in, you bite the insides of your cheeks before slowly gaining the courage to speak up. “Um… you remember the guy I told you I slept with like a month ago?”  

“The firefighter with the magic dick?” Boa chuckles mocking, referring to the time when you described him and his dick as the most magical thing that has happened to you in years.  

Marguerite hushes Boa one more time, as your best friend has no shame about what comes from her mouth nor where she is when it comes.  

“Yes, that one.” You close your eyes and your whole face squeezes from embarrassment when the memories of what you have done starts playing in the back of your mind. 

“What about him? Did he find you? Oh my, are you two seeing each other?” Maggie excitedly throws questions at you as her whole face lights up.  

“No, nothing like this.” You shake your head, looking down at the plate in front of you to avoid your friends' curious gazes, but the sight of the food is making you nauseous.  

“If she was seeing him, she would have been excited, don’t you think Maggie?” Rolling her eyes at the blonde, Boa then looks back at you. “What about him?”  

The cold harsh tone in her voice is not helping, but you need to get this out of your chest and with your friend’s patience being far away from a big one, you need to do it now. “Well… you girls remember how I told you that recently I’m not feeling good right? It has something to do with that night I spent with him…”  

A loud gasp comes from Marguerite as she covers her mouth with her hands. “No way! Did he give you some disease? Chlamydia? Or worse HIV? Are you going to be okay?” Her eyes are full of terror.  

“I’m honestly not surprised. I’ve told you that he didn’t give me the look of a decent man.” Boa comments with a knowing and a bit judging click of her tongue.  

“You never said that.” Turning your head at her, you give your friend an angry look, the tone of your voice sharp and harsh, matching hers. “And he was very decent, Boa. Even for only a one-night stand, he has treated me way better than most of the men in my life ever did.” This is enough of a painful realisation for you and last thing you need is your best friend judging you.  

Silence takes over your table. None of you saying anything before you finally spilled it out. “I’m pregnant.” The words come out so quietly that none of your friends manage to hear it nor processed it.  

“Say that again?” Boa leans closer and so does Maggie.  

“I said that I’m pregnant…” You say once again with trembling voice.  

Both of your friends are in shock and frozen on their seats. This is the last things they have been expecting to hear from you. You don’t dare to look at any of them. You are fully aware of the judgment they might have written all over their face or worse – they are pitying you, and you want none of it.  

Marguerite is the first one to break the silence this time. “Do you plan to keep it?” Her voice is gentle, zero judgment can be heard in it, but there is quite lot of empathy in it.  

Before you can even take a breath to answer, Boa jumps in quickly. “Of course, not. She must be mad crazy if she decides to keep the little parasite.”  

Boa has never been a fan of children. She has made the choice that she wants to be child free from a very young age and made sure this would never happen to her. Your friend view kids as nothing more but little demons who are running and destroying the peace of the adults around. You will never catch her in a place where children are allowed. This is how much she cannot stand them.  

“Boa, I didn’t ask you and don’t call it a parasite, because it’s not.” Marguerite scolds her across the table. She has always been a gentle soul and a big empath, and having her here right now is one of the biggest blessings in life you can get.  

Reaching out with her arm, she places it on your shoulder, which gives you a bit of a strength to speak up. “I’m… I’m not entirely sure.”  

“The fuck you mean you’re not entirely sure?” Boa raises her sharp dark brows up as she places her hands loudly enough on the table, causing the people sitting at the tables close to you throwing some glances at your direction. “What you want to keep some random man sperm and grow it? You want to be a single mother? Is this what you’re not entirely sure about?”  

“Boa, watch your tone and language.” Maggie hisses at her with anger.  

“I’m not watching shit.” Boa spats back. “If she is actually crazy enough and not go for an abortion, I’ll not stand by and watch her waste her life and potential away.” She says, finger pointing at you.  

“How is being a mother a waste of life, when in fact they are the ones bringing one?” The blonde sitting opposite of her argues. “And for God’s sake, let her speak.” Maggie then turns her attention to you. “Don’t listen to her. Tell us what you plan to do and we-” She gives Boa one more deadly look. “We will listen and be there for you, no matter what your decision is.”  

A makeshift of a laughter comes from Boa, but she decides to not say anything as she needs to calm down and hear you first. Maybe you may come back to your senses.  

“Thank you, Maggie.” You nod and give her a small tight-lipped smile. “I’m not sure if I want to keep it or not, but I know that the most logical thing to do in this situation is to abort it, so I’m planning to go with it.” Glancing at Boa, you can still feel the judgement written on her face. “That is why I have an appointment with an obstetrician today. She will run some test, see how far along I am, and if my calculations are correct, I must be around five weeks pregnant. From there I must decide what to do next, which I think I’ve already had my mind set on.”  

“Look whatever you’ll decide, we got your back.” Maggie takes your hand in hers and gives it a squeeze.  

Glancing at Boa once again, all she does is a slight nod. Hearing that you plan to get rid of it, gives her some hope that you are not crazy enough to actually keep it.  

A small smile appears on your face. “Thank you.” You quietly tell them.  

Taking her hand away from yours, Marguerite uncomfortably shifts her body on the chair, not knowing what the best way is to word her next question, but she must ask. Saying your name softly to get your attention she sighs. “What about the guy?”  

You know what Maggie means by that. You have been asking yourself the same question.  

“What about him? He doesn’t need to know shit nor if he does, he has any saying in what she will do. Her body her choice.” Boa jumps in again.  

“Of course, Boa. I agree with you that it’s her body and her choice, but he has the right to know.” Maggie tries to explain, aware that Boa will not agree with her.  

“Well, none of this would have happened if he knew how to pull out in the first place.” Boa chuckles with a roll of her eyes.  

As much as Marguerite doesn’t like how Boa words her comment, she does say something that catches her attention. “Ignoring how bitchy Boa is today-” This remark makes Boa gasps, but your friend ignores her. “Didn’t you say, you two used a condom? I know that they are not a hundred percent safe, but still. Do you think he has also realised that it broke mid act or…?”  

Shaking your head, you shrug. “I’m not sure nor will I know.”  

“I understand.” Marguerite gives you a small understanding smile. “But still, do you plan to find and tell him?”  

“I thought about it, and I know I should, but I’m also afraid.” Reaching with your hand you grab the glass of water in front of you and take a sip of it. “I’m also not sure how to find him. I have a vague memory his name, but if I do see him, I will immediately recognise him, but that is all.”  

“Boa, do you know by any chance in which fire station these guys worked at?” Marguerite doubts that Boa will remember but it is worth the shot.  

Shaking her head, Boa sighs. “I didn’t even bother to ask because I would have never guessed that we would need it.”  

“What if you go around and ask for him? He will be working in one of them.” Maggie awkwardly shrugs.  

“Even if I do this, they will not give me a personal information like this one so easily if the reason is not good enough.” Leaning on the back of the chair you lift your hands in the air as frustration towards yourself and the guy starts to build. “On top of it, do you know that there are a hundred and six fire stations in the city? Hundred and six! When I looked it up, I thought to myself – ‘Well, they shouldn’t be more than what thirty?’. But no, of course not, there must be hundred and six.”  

None of your friends say anything as they can see how stressful this whole situation is for you.  

“Maggie, do you have any friends that work as firefighters or know some who does?” Boa, for a first time since she has heard the news, asks calmly.  

“No, I don’t think so.” The blonde woman responds. “I’m trying to think of someone, but no one comes up in my mind.”  

With a nod, Boa turns to you and takes your hand in hers. “Hey.” She says more encouraging. “We’ll find him, even if we must go to all hundred and six fire stations, he won’t be impossible to find.” 

Looking at her, a smile is placed across her beautiful face. A smile that says – ‘Don’t worry we got your back.’, which makes you relax, because despite what the mess is you are into, your friends always got your back.  

Keeping your head low as you walk in into the clinic makes you even more nauseous, but thankfully you still haven’t had the need to throw up. Making your way to the information desk, you wait on the queue as there are two people in front of you.  

You have turned down Boa and Maggie’s suggestion to come with you. This is something you want to do by yourself. Something about this first visit feels extremely personal for you, and you want to keep it that way – you, the doctor and … your baby.  

Your baby – it sounds so strange. Since you have found out about its existence, you even avoid thinking of it as a baby let alone call it one. You are not one of those who believes that this is a human yet, but now standing here in front of the clinic reception the reality of it is slowly settling in you.  

Something has started to grow in you. Something you have always wanted, but not under these circumstances. Despite how wild you used to be, how career oriented you are, you have always wanted to have your own family, but you wanted to do it the right way; you meet the love of your life, you then become a couple for a few years, get engaged, get married, have your honeymoon and then you make the baby. Not make the baby and then the other things to follow, or worse - they never following.  

Lost in your thoughts you haven’t released that you are standing in the middle of the information desk with eyes fixed on the floor and head hanged low, until the woman behind the desk calls for your attention. “Miss, is everything okay?”  

Snapping out of your thoughts, you shake your head to come to your senses and take a step closer to the desk. “Yes, I’m sorry.” You murmured, your voice trembling from all the stress. “Hello, I have an appointment with Doctor Belladonna.”  

With a short nod of her head, the woman at the desk asks for your name and personal number and you quickly pull out your id card, not wanting to speak up as you can’t find your voice. She takes the id card from you and types in all the information she needs. Giving it back to you she tells you where to go and wait for the nurse there to call you.  

Walking to the elevator you press the button to the third floor. The doors close and after just a few seconds open again. Stepping out of the elevator you take a left turn and start walking down the hallway. The walls are painted in a light green colour; chairs are placed next to each door of every doctor's room and there are a few people sitting around and waiting for their appointments.  

You find where Doctor Belladonna room is, and you take a seat in one of the empty chairs. There is one woman before you with a small but prominent pregnancy belly showing and a little boy, who seems no older than four years old, who she tries to make stay still, so it must be her son. The little boy obviously doesn’t want to sit around and wait for his mother, but he has no choice.  

Your leg is bouncing on the ground as your stress level is starting to grow with every passing seconds. Maybe you should have let Boa and Maggie come with you.  

A little pocking on your hand makes you look to the side, and you see the little boy looking at you with curiosity. “Why is your leg shaking so much?” Kids. They have no sense of privacy therefore being honest and straightforward is one of their many charms.  

His mother gasps and apologise to you as she scolds the boy, but he protests. “But mommy, her leg is super shaky. Maybe she is cold.” This melts your heart. Kids are so pure, they have no idea what stress or worry are, so of course this boy pure little heart thinks that you are just cold.  

The mother looks at you with apologetic look. “I’m so sorry.” She tells you, but you give her a small smile and wave with your hand.  

“It’s fine. He doesn’t bother me at all.” Looking at the boy you smile at him.  

“Are you cold?” He asks once again.  

Shaking your head you give him a bigger smile. “No, I’m not. But thank you for checking on me.”  

“Then why is your leg shaking?” His voice full of curiosity as he points with his little finger at your bouncy leg.  

“I’m just nervous.” You tell him.  

“Why?” You can’t help but giggle at his adorable face. Kids are always full of questions.  

“Because I’ve never been to such doctor before and I’m a little afraid, that’s why my leg is bouncing so much.” You explain to him, and his face immediately lights up.  

“Oh, I understand now.” He claps with his hands. “It’s like when I go to the bad doctor, the one with the big needles and every time before mommy and daddy drive me there my tummy hurts, and I want to poop.” Seeing him and the way he shakes his little head and grabbing his stomach from the memory of the ‘bad’ doctor a soft light laughter escapes your lips. “Are you also having a baby in your tummy like my mommy?” His big Bambi-like eyes fill with excitement as he gently places his hand on your stomach, making your heart skips a beat.  

Seeing what her child has done and where his little hand is placed, his mother pulls him away. “Michael, what have I told you about touching people without permission?”  

“That it’s bad and I should always ask.” The little boy voice fills with guilt. “I’m sorry for touching your belly without permission.” He tells you; a sad pout placed on his adorable little face.  

“It’s alright, Michael. That is your name, right?” The small boy nods eagerly. Giving him your hand for a shake, he takes it, and you tell him yours.  

He repeats your name and shoots another question. “Do you have more babies?”  

You shake your head. “No, just this one.” With a smile you run your hand gently over the bottom of your stomach but freezes the moment you realise what you are doing. Since you have found out that you are pregnant you never smile at the thought of it, nor run your hands over your stomach so lovingly.  

“I was my mommy’s first baby, and now we are going to have a second baby. I hope he is a boy because I want a brother. What is your baby?” The little boy next to you eagerly asks, his face blooming with excitement.  

Still shocked by what you have done, you swallow hard before answering the little kid next to you. “I don’t know.” You really don’t know. Does it even matter? Boy or a girl, you will probably never know. This pregnancy won’t be it anyway. As your best friend has said – you must be mad crazy if you decide to keep it.  

The door of Doctor Belladonna’s room opens and a young short woman step from it, dressed in a light blue nurse uniform. She tells the woman sitting next to you that she will be let in in about two minutes and then she turns to you. “(Y/N), right?” You just nod to her question. “Perfect. I need you to come with me to run some blood test that should be done by the time you meet with Doctor Belladonna, so please may you follow me so we can get them done.”  

Getting up from the chair you follow behind her, but not before telling the little boy and his mother goodbye, as you are not sure if they will be here once you come back.  

The nurse is very gentle with you. You don’t feel any pain or discomfort as she runs the test. She also takes your measurements and weight as she needs to fill quite lot of information about you and your medical record to make Doctor Belladonna works faster and easier.  

“Okay, we are done here. You can go back and when your time comes, I’ll call for you.” She smiles at you and then disappears, leaving you alone. 

Making your way back you bump into someone you wish you would have. Kalifa. An old classmate of you and Boa, which you two could not stand. She has always been a mean girl, especially towards you. Why of all places you happen to meet her here?  

“Wow, (Y/N). What a strange coincidence. What are you doing here?” She runs her eyes up and down your body, scanning it for any flaws.  

“Kalifa.” You fake a smile. “Yes, what a coincidence. What are yo-” Finally looking her up and down, your eyes land on the ultrasound pics she is holding in her hands. Well, guess you aren’t the only one knocked up. By the looks of it she is still quite early, as the belly is not visible at all and her body is still toned up and nice. “Congratulations.” You nod at her, now more politely.  

“Thank you.” She says with a cocky smile as she tosses her long blond hair to the side. “It’s so hard being in the fifth month you know.”  

Your eyes widen and you blink in disbelief. Fifth month? And she is as skinny and toned as she has always been? God does have favourite after all.  

“What about you?” She raises one of her thin eyebrows up. Next thing she does is mentioning your ex’s name and your blood runs cold. “Didn’t know you two are still together, I swear I heard you two broke up. Guess, babies do fix some relationships.”  

“We’re not together.” You harshly reply. “Nor am I pregnant. I’m here with a friend of mine. She should be out soon.” Kalifa is one if the last people you will let making fun of you, especially after all the things you have been through.  

“Whatever. My husband is waiting for me.” Raising her hand up, she shows you a big diamond rock placed on her index finger with a beautiful weeding band under it. “What can I say, some of us are lucky, aren’t we?” She gives you one last mocking smile, and walks pass you, her high heels clicking on the floor.  

Frozen in the middle of the hallway the doctor’s door open and the nurse from earlier calls out your name. “You can come in.” She says and gets back inside.  

Swallowing hard you just nod. Seeing Kalifa might be for good. A reminder that you don’t want this. A reminder that things should be happening a certain way. In a way that you have always wanted it.  

Stepping into the doctor’s room, she meets you with a warm smile. Doctor Belladonna is said to be one of the best obstetricians in the city, known for taken an exceptional care of her patients and aways deliver healthy babies. You won’t be needing her for that long, but you still want to be taken care of in the best way possible.  

She stands up to meet and greet you, as she stretches her hand for you in a handshake. She is a bit taller than you, dark haired and with quite sharp and prominent cheekbones. Big round and pink glasses are placed on top of her head.  

“Please take a seat.” She says and gestures with her hand towards the bed attached to ultrasound machine. You nod and take a seat at the edge of it.  

Looking around the room while she looks at your test results, your anxiety is starting to peek up. There are many posters of pregnant women or mothers with big smiles holding their babies, which only makes the situation for you worse.  

Your leg starts once again to bounce, and you grab a strand of your hair in attempt to distract yourself.  

Taking a seat on the small chair with wheels attached on the bottom of it, Doctor Belladonna moves closer to you as she crosses one leg over the other and looks at you with a smile still placed on her face. Her eyes shift between you and then the papers with the results in her hands she finally speaks up.  

“Well, (Y/N), one thing I can confirm is that you are pregnant.”  

This much you know. After all, three pregnancy tests with two lines could mean nothing else but a baby, right? A small part of you wished it wasn’t the case, that they were all wrong, but they weren’t. Everything is correct. You are pregnant.  

“By the looks of the blood test, you are healthy, but we still going to check you up with the ultrasound to see if everything with the little one is as well.” She gets up from the chair and turns around to prepare whatever she needs from the machine. “If you may unbutton your pants and lay down.”  

Letting go of your hair, with shaking hands you unbutton the top of your pants and slightly roll them down.  

With her peripheral vision, doctor Belladonna notices your nervousness. She turns around and comes closer to you as she holds a bottle in her hand. “Are you comfortable?” All you do is nod. “Okay. Now relax. Ultrasound is harmless, neither you nor the embryo will fill anything.” She explains as she puts on some gloves and takes the bottle she has been holding and opening it. Squeezing it gently a transparent liquid comes from it. “You might feel a little bit of a chill from the gel, but it will pass in a few seconds.”  

She applies the gel on the bottom of your belly and gently spread it around before turning on the ultrasound and runs it where the gel is. As much as you want to avoid looking at it, you can’t help it, and your eyes are glued to the screen.  

A contented hum comes from the doctor, and she points with her finger at the screen. “You see, there is the embryo.” She looks back at you and smile.  

It is barely visible. It is just a tiny little dot on the dark screen, barely the size of a lentil, but you spot it.  

Doctor Belladonna is talking to you, but you are not really listening. You are lost in your thoughts and not present at all in the room.  

This whole thing terrifies you. The more the doctor next to you talks the more the reality of it all hits you. Your heart is beating fast, and your mouth runs dry. A bit of cold sweat runs down your forehead.  

Eyes still fixed on the screen in front of your face; you can’t move your eyes from the screen and the little dot on it.  

“I can hear a bit of a cardiac pulse.” Doctor Belladonna announces. “Do you hear it as well?”  

Slowly moving your eyes from the screen, you look at the doctor for just a second and then back. Swallowing hard you ask her. “Wait, it has a heart already?”  

A light laughter comes from the woman next to you. “No, it’s a bit too early for the embryo to have a heart, but it’s developing. If you focus and listen you will hear a slight cardiac pulse, which means you’re already six weeks pregnant.” She calmly explains. “Now listen.” 

It is a strange feeling to explain what you felt the moment you hear the sound of the pulse coming from the little dot on the screen. Part of you can listen to it for hours, another part screams at you to come to your senses. This isn’t right. You are not supposed to love or fall for this.  

Pulling the ultrasound away, Doctor Belladonna gives you a few napkins to wipe out the gel from your belly. Once you get all of it away, you button up your jeans and sit up on the bed.  

“There you go.” Doctor Belladonna says as he hands you a picture of the ultrasound. With trembling fingers, you take it and look at it.  

The little dot is there. Barely visible, but the doctor has marked it so you can spot it easier. In the corner of the ultrasound picture is written the date of today, how big the dot is and which week it is.  

Doctor Belladonna can’t ignore your shaken presence anymore and she calls out your name until she gets your attention. “I can’t pretend that I don’t see how shaken and stressed you are.” Her dark brown eyes are full of sympathy. “As a doctor and part of your first exam, I must ask you if you are with an abusive partner or one who might cause you trouble during the pregnancy?”  

Shaking your head you inhale deeply. “No, nothing like this.” It is worse than this, but how you tell someone you just have met that you got knocked up by a stranger whom you have no idea if you will be able to find. “I’m just not sure if I want to keep it. That’s all.”  

Doctor Belladonna nods understandingly. “It’s entirely your choice. If we proceed with abortion, I just advise you to do it as soon as possible due the fact that you’re six weeks pregnant, for your safety I recommend you doing it by latest week nine.”  

Looking at her, you bite the insides of your cheeks. “Do you perform the procedure yourself?”  

“Yes, I do.” She softly smiles. 

Hearing that you are considering ending your pregnancy, Doctor Belladonna explains to you how the procedure goes and why she has advised you to do it by week nine so it can be medically done and not by a surgery. She informs you about the aftermath of the procedure and how long it will take for you to recover.  

Despite all this she proscribes you some pills and vitamins you should take until you make up your mind, in case you want to keep it. You two also agree to speak a week, when you will have a clear answer about what decision you have taken.   

By the time your appointment with her is done, you feel a bit calmer. It is nice to know that it is all up to you whenever or not you will keep the Dot or not. You have made your mind that for now on you will be calling it – the Dot. Calling it a baby feels too scary and calling it an embryo just doesn’t sits right with you. Giving it its small size Dot feels like the perfect name to refer to it.  

Your therapist is quite surprised by the news she hears. Of all the things she has expected to hear today from you, given your tired face, eyes filled with worry and body language screaming anxiety, the last thing she has thought of is the news that you are pregnant.  

“When did you find out?” Nico Robin asks.  

“Three or four days ago. Something like this.” You shrug, wrapping your arms around you, trying to protect yourself from the world around you.  

“Have you checked with a doctor?”  

You nod. “I’m six weeks pregnant.”  

“I assume it’s from the guy you slept with not long ago?” You nod again to her question. “Do you plan to keep it?”  

That is when you cannot hold it anymore and the tears you have been holding for so long starts pouring down your face like a waterfall. “I don’t know.” You say in between sobs. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should get rid of it, because-” Chocking on a sob you press the palms of your hands to your forehead, the tips of your fingers pulling the roots of your hair. “I-I know t-that this is the r-right choice and thing to do-” Another sob tears apart from your chest. “B-but… I-I’m not sure I-I want this.”  

Seeing your current state, Nico Robin puts aside her diary and gets up from her comfortable chair. She sits down next to you on the sofa and wraps her arms around your figure. “It’s fine to feel this way.” She softly says, running her hands up and down your back, trying to calm you dawn a bit. “I can’t imagine how scared you are right now, but I can promise you that your fears and reaction are valid and normal, and I’m proud of you, and how you have managed to handle all of it until now.” She pulls away from you and takes your hands in hers. “Please, focus on me right now and take deep breaths.”  

Robin starts to count from one to ten and lets you know when to inhale and exhale. You are not sure how long you have been doing it, but soon your heartbeat returns to normal, and your tears start to dry.  

“When you feel ready to speak, I’m here and I’m listening.” She gives you some space as she sits back on her chair and patiently waits for you.  

“I don’t know how to find him.” Is all you say.  

“Don’t you remember where he lives?” Robin knows all about your night spent with the nice and charming firefighter you met. She knows how you ran away in the morning and never bothered to get any of his contacts.  

“I don’t.” Looking down at your hands, you grab a strand of your hair and start twisting your fingers around the edge of it. “I ran away and stopped running after four or more streets. I don’t even remember from which street I took the taxi home.”  

The more you remember from that morning the more ashamed and embarrassed you feel. How could you be so stupid that you didn’t even bother to look around where you were? Given the fact how bit the city is, you will probably spend at least two weeks passing by every street for a chance to meet him.  

“I was considering going to every fire station, but they are hundred and six!” You throw your hands in the air in disbelief. “Hundred and six fire stations? Can you believe it? I mean, are there that many fire accidents that happen in this city to need hundred and six fire stations?”  

Running your hand through your hair, you shake your head and sigh. “To be honest, I don’t know if I should tell him.” Looking down, you place your hand on your stomach. “Especially if I decide to end the pregnancy.”  

You can’t help but think of the sound of the pulse of your little Dot. Its little heart is not even developed yet but knowing that soon it will be not just a pulse, but a real heart, makes you want to cry.  

“If you were me…” Your voice is a bit raw and quiet. “Would you have found and tell him?” Glancing with teary eyes at your therapist, you hope she will have the answers you are looking for.  

A deep sigh escapes her chest. She doesn’t know what to tell you, because at the end you are the one who should make the choice. Morally speaking – the right thing to do is to find the guy and let him know that he might be a father, whenever you decide to keep the baby or not. If you have been a hundred percent sure that you will get rid of it, she does not see it as a very bad thing if you never find and tell him, but that is where one of the biggest problem lays in this situation - that you don’t know what you want.  

“Please, Robin.” You and she have been on a first name basis for a long time now. “I beg you, answer me as yourself, not as my therapist.”  

It is easier said than done what you are asking of her. Nodding, Nico Robin takes a deep breath. “I would find and tell him, if I want to keep it and if I am doubting it. I would only not tell him if I was a hundred percent sure that I don’t want the baby.”  

You listen to her and think for a bit. She has a point. But telling him might be risky. “What if I tell him and he doesn’t want me to abort it? Or worse I decide to keep it, and he doesn’t want to even acknowledge it? What if I fail at being a single mother?”  

All the questions and fears you have are valid. Crossing one leg over the other, Robin adjusts the frames of her tin glasses before answering some of your worries. “First of all, no one can say anything regardless your choices especially when it comes to your body and mental health.” The tone of her voice is serious, making sure you understand that no one can make you do something you don’t want to do. “Regarding your worries if he doesn’t want to acknowledge the child and leave you as a single mother, I’m confident enough to say that I think you will be an amazing mother with or without a man next to you. There are many mothers out there that have raised their children alone and they have done it perfectly, so there is no doubt that you can do it, too.”  

You cannot believe that someone like your therapist, Nico Robin, see so much potential in someone like you. “You really think that if I have to raise a child of my own, I will manage it?”  

A gentle smile spread across her beautiful face. “I’m positive that you will.” 

Nodding slowly, you swallow hard. “I know this might sound strange, but do you have any friend working in a fire station department to help me find him?”  

Taking her glasses off, Robin slightly tilts her head up a bit, thinking if she might have any friends or acquaintances working in the fire department of the city. Humming she slowly nods her head. “I think I might have a friend who might help. His name is Franky, he owns a mechanic shop, and if I remember correctly, he made some deal with some of the fire stations in the city to do monthly check-ups on their trucks.” Looking at you, she sees a bit of hope sparkling in your eyes. “Do you remember his name at least?”  

Pressing the pads of your finger on your temple, you try your best to remember his name. It is short and it is not very common, but you have heard it before on other guys as well. “It was something with A…” Getting some of the memories from the night you met the charming man, you try your best to remember. Your eyes shoot open when the memory of you two playing poker pops out. “Ace. His name is Ace.”  

“Are you a hundred percent sure that this is his name?” Robin raises one of her eyebrows at you.  

Nodding eagerly, a big smile grows on your face. “Yes, I’m sure. Because we played poker together and every time, I had an Ace of Space I would make fun of him.”  

“Okay. That is nice that at least we have his name. If you could also remember what he looks like I can tell Franky, and he can ask around for him.”  

You describe the guy and Robin writes it down. She makes the phone call while you are still there and lucky you, she has remembered correctly that her friend has been involved with some of the fire stations in town. Robin is professional enough to not say why she is asking for such a favour of her friend, but he promises her that he will ask around and let her now.  

Now all you must do is wait and see if you will be lucky enough to find your baby daddy this easily.   

END NOTE: I hope you liked this chapter and plan to stick for more. I have so much fun writing this story and I can’t wait to put out more of it for you to read ♡ I know that this was only Reader focused, but in the next chapter you are getting quite lot of Ace so be patient ♡ Also I want to say - I’m all about women making their own choices with their bodies!!! I am a big women rights supporter and having the choice to keep the baby or not for me is entirely up to the woman carrying the baby!!! All feedback is welcomed by me ♡ I appreciate every like, comment, reblog and message from you ♡ Thank you ♡

Taglist - OPEN: @orange-milky @igoontoonepiece @m1kkso @boomboom-tanjiro2019 @aceismyloveforever @firelilyofthevalley @ye-old-hermit-woman @fulltravelerdreamland @ffinosie @sungiebby @mrstraffy @ren-ni @acidblack @certain-tragedies @pmgranate @praline357 @stuckinthewrongworld @hlkenoace @kattywhomper @gojossixtheyes @starsandshht @cruziival72 @choso-ver @lilink @acesluvrxx @no-regrets-just-confusion @purplefluffycows @magicalmatcha

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Move to a big city they say, it is so fun – they say. Big cities… don’t they have it all? The bigger the city the smaller you feel. It doesn’t matter what you look like, what your persona is like, nor what you might be after. You are just one of the many people trying to find the purpose of their life, while chasing what we all call a dream. The line between a dream and illusion being very thin, but with the right amount of delusion we all stay on track in the realm of which is which.

The reality slowly starts to awaken you as your sleep is being disturbed by your phone ringing on the nightstand next to your bed. Lifting your head from the comfort of your pillow, you slowly open one eye, trying to adjust to the sunlight peaking from behind the curtains, which brightens the corners of the room in warm tones.

Giving your brain a few seconds to locate where the sound is coming from, you reach for the phone, bringing it close to your ear not even bothering to check who is calling you. A soft morning, and annoyed, groan leaves your lips as you accept the call.

“Yes! Hello!” You say, voice very drowsy and the words come out almost as gibberish, the person on the other line most likely doesn’t understand what you are saying. “Hello?” You repeat, but still no response.

By the time you have pick up, they have already hung up and started calling again. The vibrations of the phone pressed to your ear makes you jump at the sudden call back, causing you to pull it away and finally see who is calling you so persistently.

Another scoff leaves you while you read the name on the screen. Kicking your legs under the covers with annoyance, you accept the call and put it on speaker, placing the phone next to you on the pillow. “This better be worth waking me up so early in the morning Shanks!” You exclaim, the irritation clear in your voice.

The voice from the other side sounds cheerful as always. You can hear his cheeky arrogant smile over the phone, without he needing to be in front of you. “How is my favourite niece doing?”

“If you are referring to the one and only niece you have, she was sleeping nice and soundly until you decide to bother her – again, as I said this early in the morning.” Your eyes narrow as you side eyed at the screen and your emphasis on the last word, as you still haven’t received any apologies for the disturbance your uncle has caused you. “In other words – what do you want Shanks?”

An amusement chuckle comes from the other side of the line. “You know this is one of the things I love the most about you. You just get straight to the point.”

A puff of air escapes your nose in acknowledge. This isn’t the first time you get to hear this. Apparently, this is a quality people really like on you. Always straight to the point; no need to waver or circle around the subject, you just say what you have to say.

“I’m calling you because I’m in need of extra staff tonight behind the bar. We’re sold out for the night.”

“That shitty bar is fully booked?” Your eyebrows raise up in surprise.

“Hey, language!” Your uncle scolds you; his voice drops a bit to come up more as the authority figure he sees himself as in your life, before it goes back to normal. “This ‘shithole’ is what brings me good money and pays other people’s salaries.”

“I didn’t call it a ‘shithole’, you did.” You are fast to point out, knowing how much your uncle hates it when you act all Miss Smarty-Pants to him.

Shanks decides to let this one slides as he goes on and on about how good of a place his bar and its guest is, but all you can think of is how he stills thinks you’re naive enough to believe that the bar is nothing more than a money laundering for all the illegal things he is involved with.

“And as I was saying-” Shanks stops speaking and lets out a loud exhale. “You’re not even listening to me, are you?”  

A loud yawn leaves your lips as you stretch your body in bed. Your limps feel so stiff from all the heavy things you had to carry in the past few weeks because of college. “Why is it so full tonight?”

“If someone was listening to me while I was speaking maybe they’d have known why.” A small smirk forms on your lips as you can clearly hear him gritting his teeth. “There is this friend of mine whose brothers’ band are perform tonight and it turned out they are getting quite popular around the area, and to my biggest surprise, they sold out so fast, so I would really appreciate some extra help.”

“It’s not like I really have plans for tonight, but still can’t you find someone else to help?” You have worked in your uncle’s bar before and you know what a busy night looks like, and if you have the chance to skip it, you would.

“If I had I wouldn’t have bother to ask you.” There is a little beat, before he adds, “I will pay you double if you help me.”

A short, but loud, snicker comes from you. “Oh, you should of start with this.”

“Then I should count on you?” His tone now serious.

“Yes, Shanks I will be there.” You match his tone. “Just let me know what time.”

“Well, they will start playing around eleven so be here at latest at nine, okay Foxy?” He has been calling you ‘Foxy’ since you were a little kid. A nickname that has stuck on you till this day, but only your beloved uncle is allowed referring to you as.

A small soft giggle leaves your lips. “Okay, see you then.” You don’t wait for a response from him and hang up the phone immediately without even telling him goodbye.  

Turning to the side with the phone in your hands you look at the clock. It’s seven something in the morning, and your only class for the day doesn’t start until ten. You take a moment to contemplate if you should get some more sleep or just get going with your day.

“It’s whatever.” You murmur to yourself. With one swift movement you take the edge of the blanket covering your body and you pull it away from you. Goosebumps run all over your skin as the warmth fades away, leaving you covered only by a tiny straps tank top and shorts you wear to sleep in.

The sun light hits you directly in the eyes, as you reach to pull the curtains and let the light brighten your room, making you squeeze your eyes shut instinctively before you block the brightness with the back of your hand.

Early fall has arrived. The small one room apartment you rent, as a first-year filmmaker student, is covered in warm tones as the colours of the trees from the outside reflect on the creamy beige walls in your apartment. By the looks of it today will be a sunny day, hopefully warm as well. Fall’s weather can be very unpredictable – one second is sunny and the other is pouring rain. You quickly check the weather app and luckily today is supposed to be sunny all day long.

Stretching your neck side to side, you take a deep breath before standing up and making your way to the bathroom. After your morning routine and a touch of light makeup, you step out of the bathroom and pause in front of your wardrobe. For a few minutes, you just scan the piles of mess created by you and your clothes in it, as you have no idea what you feel like wearing today. “Should I go for something more casual and comfortable or put some effort and doll myself up?”, you think to yourself. Leaning with the palms of your hands on the open doors of the wardrobe, you just exhale loudly as you grab the first pair of loose jeans that your eyes land on, and just a basic shirt to go with them. Today will be a long day after all, so you chose comfort.

Living in a big city is both a blessing and a curse. There is always something happening everywhere no matter what time of the day or the night is. Everyone is so focused on their own bubble of the world, that hitting shoulders with complete strangers on the street without even apologizing about it is considered as something normal here. And you love it.

You love everything about this city. You love observing people and their small habits. You love observing them and then creating small stories in your mind about why they behave the way the do. As of right now, sitting across from you on the metro there is this man whose brows are in such deep frown, you can’t help but wonder – is he in trouble because of work? Did he get in a fight with his wife or husband? What is he is single and his date tonight cancelled? You mentally shake your head. It can’t be it. Judging by the way he is dressed in a not so expensive, but also not so cheap suit, and the tight tie wrapped around his neck, he is most likely pissed off because one the stocks he invested in has crashed below zero early this morning and now his whole day is ruined.

Your father used to scold you for this habit of yours. Mostly because when you were a kid you used to not only observe people but also dare to ask out loud why they were the way they were. Nowadays you know when to keep the questions for yourself, especially around strangers, but creating stories about them continues to be one of your favourite things in the world.

That is why you have decided to pursue career in filmmaking - this and your passion for photography. This way you will be able to create stories and tell them from your point of view, but with motion, not just preserve in a photograph. Two months in college in the big city so far, and you feel like a whole new person.  

Of course, moving to the big city comes with a price; the price being, not being able to spend time with your father every day. You two have been inseparable since you can remember. But two years ago, when his career as a standup comic took off, he had to leave home more frequently, and even thought you tagged along any time you wanted to, it was about time that you fly away from the nest, as they say, and start living on your own.

You are not entirely alone in the big city—your uncle lives here too. He has lived here for as long as you can remember, and when you were a child and later a teenager, you used to visit him for a few weeks at a time. Because of that, the city did not feel completely new when you moved here.

Now thanks to college you also have made some amazing friends which make the whole college experience ten times better and easier. Nothing compares to the feeling of sharing ideas with people with the same passion as yours.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the metro loudspeaker announcing your stop. As the train slows to a halt, you grip the handrail and rise from your seat. The man you have been observing happens to get off at the same station, and as he stands near you waiting for the doors to open, you cannot help but glance at his phone screen. The corners of your mouth turn slightly up as your guess been right. He is pissed of because of the stocks market crash.

The sun shines bright as you step off the metro, the morning breeze brushing against your skin. With less than an hour or so left until your class starts, you head to a small coffee shop you discovered recently. You need something to wake you up properly, and although coffee is not usually your drink of choice, the way they make it there is enough to make you set aside your preferences.

The coffee shop welcomes you with a gentle kind of warmth mixed with the coffee aroma that fills your senses. Coffee might not be your drink of choice, but there is something in the way it smells that just calms you down, giving you a momentum of Zen feeling. Rather than heading straight to the counter, you claim your favourite corner first, which thankfully isn’t taken by the other people around. Leaving your jacket and the heavy shoulder bag you always carry there, you return to the counter and place your order with the barista, who by now recognises you as one of the regulars. When your order is ready, you thank the barista and return to your table.

You sit down and observe the place as you take your first sip. The quiet murmur of voices blend with the quite jazz music on the background together with the faint clink of cups and the coffee machines fills the place with life. Today seems a bit busier than other days. The table closes to you is occupied by two elderly women who seems lost in their chitchat, with visible lines of all the years they’ve lived across their faces. And across from you sits a guy with a bright orange beanie hat on top of his head with headphones on, his back facing you. He is clearly focused on whatever is on his laptop as all you can see is one corner of the screen peaking from his shoulder, but not a glimpse of his face.

Bringing the focus back to your own bubble, you reach out for your bag and pull out your laptop from it. Today is the last day to submit the scripts for next week assignment, so you plan to use the remaining time you have left before class to do some final touches to it, if it is even needed. One reason you like this place so much is its closeness to your college, yet even so, you have never run into anyone you know from there, which is nice. It is like your own unique coffee spot before, and sometimes after classes, to hang up at.

Although, your laptop has other plans. The moment you open it, a low-battery warning flashes across the screen, urging you to charge it immediately. Fortunately, you always carry the charger with you. You reach for your shoulder bag on the chair beside you, set it on your lap, and dig through it in search of the charger. “No, no, no.” You whine under your breath when you realize that you must have forgotten it at home. “Fuck!”, comes out louder than you intended, causing one of the older ladies to side eyed you and judge the language you use.

You give her an apologetic look and just slouch on the chair. “What a day!” A long exhale leaves your lungs. Scooping your face in the pals of your hands you try to think of a solution. You can either go all the way home and get it, or you can text your classmate and turning soon to be your closest friend here, Nami, and ask her to meet you early so you can borrow hers. “If I’ve synced my phone and laptop already, I wouldn’t have needed to deal with this now.”, you mentally scold yourself.

The time on your phone screen shows that you have enough time to go home and back, and it will probably take less than waiting for Nami. “Home and back it is then.”, you close the laptop and stand up from your seat when you noticed the guy sitting across from you leaning to the side, headphones still on top of his beanie; this is when you spot it - you two have the exact same laptop.

A short celebration irrupts in your mind as you just found a solution to your problem. Approaching the guy who sits slightly slouched to one side, while humming to himself as his fingers tap lightly against the table, you softly tap him on the shoulder, making him pause whatever he is doing and pull down his headphones, before he turns to face you.

“Hey!” You awkwardly wave at him as you’re not quite sure how to approach the conversation now when you get the chance to face the surprisingly good-looking stranger. His face is being a bit framed by his messy raven-black hair peaking from the sides of the beanie, while the top of his cheeks is covered with freckles along with the bridge of his nose.

His dark eyes narrow, one thin eyebrow lifting slowly in question. “Hey...?” he says, his voice deep yet somehow boyish.

A polite smile spreads across your face as you clap your hands together. A small, awkward hum escapes you, followed by a soft chuckle. “First – sorry if I disturb you, not what I intend to do, and second – I notice that we have the exact same laptops, and I happen to forget my charger, so I was wondering if you would mind lending me yours just for a couple of minutes?”

The smile that spread across his face makes your heart skips a beat for a second. “Yea, sure.” He quickly unplugs the charger and hands it to you. As you reach for it, your fingertips brush with his, and a jolt seems to pass between you, making you both flinch.

Eyes locked on one another, you both blurt out at the same time, “It’s the charger!” Followed by a shared laughter.

“I’ll be quick.” You tell him as you point with your eyes at the charger in your hand.

The nice, and handsome, stranger waves his hand like it’s nothing, “Don’t stress it.”

Giving him a nod, you turn on your heels and head back to your table. Heat rises to your cheeks as you sit down and flip open your laptop quickly, trying to hide behind the screen. Plugging the charger to the laptop, you can’t stop yourself peaking over the laptop, only to catch him looking at you over his shoulder.

You are the first to look away, forcing your attention back to the screen in front of you.

“Focus,” you scold yourself. But it is impossible. You keep typing and deleting lines from your script, your thoughts drifting back to the stranger a table away. By now, you have lost count of how many times you have glanced at him, and how many times you have told yourself to focus.

When you finally managed to keep some focus on your work, the legs of the chair next to you scrapes the floor making you turn your complete attention to the man who nicely borrowed you his laptop charger.

“Hope you don’t mind.” He says it more as a statement than a question with a little smirk on his face.

You shake your head with a smile. “No, not at all.” You give a small shrug and rest your elbows on the table, trying to hide the tension arising in your body.

“Cool.” He chuckles as he sits down next to you, hand reaching for yours. “Name is Ace, yours?” You tell him your name as you shake hands. “What a nice name. Nice to meet you.”

You are first to pull away your hand, “Same to you, stranger.” You mouth gets a bit dry and you reach out for your drink. Taking a sip from it, you frown for a second at the taste of the drink which is now not as nice as when you first ordered it.

“Is it that bad?” He juts his chin at your drink.

“It’s alright, just coffee is not really my drink of choice.”

“Then why are you drinking it if you don’t like it?” Ace chuckled.

“Caffeine.” You chuckle as it is the most obvious answer in the world. “Or I just want to have a ‘unique’-”, you make a silent quotation in the air with your fingers, “quirk that, you know makes me feel ‘different’”. You raise and shake your hands to your head when you said ‘different’ as a reference to one of your all-time favourite movies ‘Fantastic Mr. Fox’ but you doubt he will get the reference or the joke. Nobody ever does.

“I think I have this thing where I need everybody to think I’m the greatest.” Your jaw almost falls to the floor as he quotes the movie, followed by the exact same gesture with his hands.

“No way!” Your exclamation comes out louder than you intended. “No way, you got the reference.” You can't hide the amazement in your voice. “No one, and I swear, no one has ever gotten this reference when I’ve done it.”

“There is always a first.” He winked at you, his charming smile growing bigger on his face.

“Yeah, you are definitely right about that.” You hum. Leaning back on the chair, you eye him with curiosity. “Cinephile?”

“Big one.” He mimics you as he leans back on his chair. “I love movies.” His hands raise up in the air like he has been caught committing a crime.

You shake your head as you can’t hold the genuine chuckle that leaves your lips. “Hey, I’m not judging. I’m a big nerd when it comes to movies, too.”   

“Can’t say I’m nerdy about them, can’t even name one director. I’m a bit better with actors, but most of the time I mess up their names.”

“It’s fine.” You wave your hand in dismiss. “It’s usually the actors who like to be recognised. Us - filmmakers like to hide from the spotlight.”

“Us – filmmakers?” Your words pique his interest. “What do you mean? Are you some famous director that I just randomly got to encounter?” Ace leans on his elbows on the table, eyes narrowed as he studies you.

Tilting your head up with a proud smile, you reply, “A future one, hopefully one day.”

“You study filmmaking?” His eyebrows raise in surprise as you confirm with a single nod. “Hm, my little brother has some of his closes buddies studying this, too.” He proceeds to say the name of your college.

“Yes, that same one.”

“Then you might know them, or not, they are first year there.” Ace tilts his head to the ceiling as he doesn’t seem very sure if the information he is giving you is correct.

Now your interest is piqued as you wonder who they might be. “If they are first-year students, I must know them as I am a first year myself.”

“Nami and Usopp?”

Hearing your friends’ names makes you jump from excitement on your seat. “Oh my, yes. We are in the same class.”

Ace chuckles at your cute reaction after hearing your friends’ names. “By the way you sound so excited, I guess you happen to be friends as well.” His eyes softens as they are glued on you, studying every detail about your face.

“Correct.” You simply reply. “What about you? You study or...?” You drag the question, eyes narrowing, as you wait for his response.

“Nah, school wasn’t really my thing, so I never bothered with college.” He shrugs, completely unbothered. “But I’m a musician. I play in a band.” The way he says it sounds effortless and undeniably cool.

This explains the taping with his fingers earlier when you first approached him. “Oh wow, did I just encounter a famous musician without even knowing?” You fake a gasp of surprise as you repeat his words, which makes him laughs out loud.

Without missing a beat, Ace echoes your words from earlier. “A future one, hopefully one day.” You both laugh at the mirrored line.

He rubs the back of his neck, a small smile tugging at his mouth as his gaze flickers away for a moment. “Actually, we’re playing tonight and I know Nami and Usopp are coming to see us, so if you feel like it you should tag along with them.”

The wheels in your mind start to spin faster. Could it be that he is in the band that is playing at Shanks’ bar? If so, this will be such a funny, but pleasantly nice coincidence. “What’s your band’s name?” Shanks didn’t tell you the name of the band playing tonight, but you can always check it later.

“The Neighbourhood.” Ace tells you the name of the band, with a hint of pride shining in his eyes and slipping through his voice.

You lean back slightly, caught off guard by the name. “The Neighbourhood? That’s an interesting choice for a band name.”

A boyish chuckle leaves Ace’s lips. “Yea, because ‘Hottie and the Blowfish’ is a better one.” You two share a laugher once again.

“Wait, is this a real band name?” You give him a confused look.

“You’re a movie nerd; I’m a music one.” He jokes. “But yea, there are bands with far worse names than hours. But don’t worry, we get this a lot about the name, but the guys and I go way back so it suits our backstory.” His body leans closer to you as he nods at you to come closer to him like he wants to share a secret with you. “Plus, it sounds cooler and different.” He goes on and shakes his hands to his head, the reference spot on.

You try hard to suppress the smile on your face, so you look away for a second, pulling your body away from him to compose yourself. “Well,” you turn your head back to him, the playful look visible on his face, “I’m definitely going to search you guys on Spotify, but sadly I won’t be able to see you tonight.” A flash of disappointment glimpse on his face as he hears this, but he quickly hides it. Adverting your gaze from his, you look at the clock on your screen. “I must get going now.” You announce as you unplug the laptop charger and hand it back to him. “Thank you for lending me this.”

“Don’t mention it.” He takes it from you, his charming smile comes back in place, eyes following every move you make – from slipping the laptop back in your big shoulder bag, to you getting up for the chair and putting on your jacket. “See you around?” He raises his eyebrow with glimpse of holp in them.

Instead of replying to him you just do the hand gesture from ‘Fantastic Mr. Fox’ making him laugh as he shakes his head, leaning back on the chair, watching as you leave.

By the time you get to class, the building is already wide awake. Students crowd the halls with coffee in one hand and camera bags dragging at their shoulders. Some talking over each other about the lates movie they have seen or storyboards that needs to be done by the end of the day. Someone as always rushes past carrying a tripod like their life depends on it.

It is the kind of chaos you have started to not just like, but love - messy, loud, and full of people who care too much in the best way. Most walls in this building for this program are covered with posters from old student films or the biggest blockbusters of all time, half-torn flyers for screenings, and scribbled notes about auditions and equipment bookings. Everywhere you look, someone is in the middle of turning an idea into something real. In a place like this, everyone seems to be carrying a story around with them.

Making your way around the corner where the so called ‘chill hall’ is you hear your name being called loud and clear the moment you become present in the space. You recognise the shrill, but blooming voice immediately, without even needing to see the person. “Hey, Nami!” You greet your friend Nami with a hug as she welcomes you with open arms. Her stunning beautiful ginger hair is falling freely over her with a pale skin, contrasting the light-blue denim dress she is wearing today.

Behind her, sitting on one of the worn-out couches, is Usopp. Dressed in yellow overalls over an olive-green t-shirt that matches his bandana, despite his choice of clothing today he still looks good. He pipes up in an exaggerated high-pitched voice, putting on his best Nami impression. “Hey, there girly!”

“Shut up, Usopp!” Nami snaps, shooting him a sharp look over her shoulder. His grin falters, and he winces as he throws his hands up like he’s bracing for impact.

“Don’t worry Usopp, I got her.” You say in between laugher as you hold Nami’s hands to make sure Usopp is safe.

“Good to know that at least one person is thinking of my well-being.” He casts Nami a wounded look, lips pulling into a dramatic pout.

“Oh, shut up.” She rolls her eyes, but the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth softens it. Turning back to you, her bright ginger hair swings lightly with her. “How are you today?”

You let go of her hands and slide down your bag from your shoulder leaving it on the ground. “I’m good, how are you guys? What are you up to this early in the morning.”

“Early in the morning?” Usopp echoes, shifting over on the couch to make room for you between him and Nami.

“Okay, let me put it another way,” you say, dropping onto the couch between them. A couple of groans rise in protest. “What are you two doing?”

“Just killing time,” Usopp mutters with a huff. His mouth twists, and he sinks deeper into the couch, the usual spark in his face noticeably dulled today.

You rest a hand on his shoulder. “You okay, Usopp?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” He gives you a tight smile and a small nod, but he is not convincing you at all that he is fine. Tired maybe, but he seems down a bit.

“No, he’s not,” Nami cuts in, leaning forward before Usopp can say anything else. Your gaze flicks between them. “He was supposed to meet a friend before class for a music project, but the guy bailed on him last minute, so now he’s sulking.” Her lips purse into a pout, and the look in her eyes makes it hard to tell whether she’s teasing him or genuinely feels bad.

Usopp is one of your closest friends here and a complete genius when it comes to music. Even now, with him sulking beside you on the worn-out couch in the middle of the chill area, you still can’t understand why he chose filmmaking over music school. But this isn’t what you are so focused on right now. Could it be that the friend Usopp was supposed to meet was Ace? It must be.

Usopp opens his mouth to say something but is quickly interrupted by Nami once again. “Speaking of that same friend,” she turns to you, “he is in a band, and tonight they’re playing, so you’re coming with us.” With her finger pointing at your face, you can easily tell that what she is telling you isn’t just and invitation – she has already decided that you are going with them. “And you’re going to finally meet Luffy. It’s his brothers that are playing.”

You have heard so many stories about this guy, whose face you’ve never even seen. At this point he is like an urban legend to you.

“In other words, you’re going to meet our whole gang.” Usopp chimps in with now brighter tone and uplifted expression on his face.

You clench your jaw, eyes squeezing shut as your nose scrunches a bit, your shoulders hitching up as you are fully aware Nami won’t like what she will hear next. “I would’ve loved to guys, but I must work at my uncle’s bar tonight.” The gasp coming out of your dramatic friend makes a some of the passing people around turn to look at you three. “I know, I know,” you clap your hands intertwining your fingers as you silently beg her to not cause a scene before she hears you out, “but he really needs my help tonight. Some band apparently sold out, and he needs all the extra help he can get.”

“Call him and tell him plans changed.” She waves at your face like she has just given you the best solution to your biggest problem in life.

Covering your face while shaking your head with a groan which turns into laugher, you cannot believe how determined Nami is to get anything she wants in life; she cannot jut take a ‘no’ for an answer.

“Way a second,” Usopp chimps in, “what was the name of your uncle’s bar?”

You peak at him with one eye in between your fingers, “The Red Pirates.”

“That’s where they are playing!” Nami exclaims, her hands now on your shoulder giving you a hard shake. While she shakes you almost violently from excitement, a small smile appears on the corners of your lips. It seems like you will be crossing paths with Ace sooner than you expected.

Usopp turns to Nami, interrupting your thoughts. “See problem solved.”

“How’s this fixing the problem?” She gives him a faint eye roll like this really needed to be asked. “She will still be working.”

“Yea, but she’ll still be there.” He lightly taps on his head.

You eagerly nod agreeing with Usopp. “He’s right Nami.” You gesture with your hands at him while facing her.

“But it won’t be the same.” Nami whines, her shoulders slouching as her head falls back, eyes drifting at the ceiling. Things won’t turn exactly the way she wants them to, and this is unacceptable in the Nami’s world.

Usopp and you just glance at each other, a slight visible annoyance but also understanding to your friend’s dramatic character. “Say something.” He mouths at you.

You shake your head at him, not knowing exactly what to do, to get your friend out of her ‘misery’. “Um... Hey, Nami-” you turn back to her as she gives you a pout. You take a beat to think it through. “What about free drinks for you and Usopp for the entire night?”

Before Nami can say anything, Usopp leans forward interrupting. “I’m coming with Kaya! Will she get free drinks as well?” He looks at you; eyebrows raised in hope that you will say ‘yes’ to free drinks for his girlfriend as well.

Without looking at him, you say, “With free drinks for you and Kaya.”

“Girl, you should’ve said this first thing when you’ve walked in here.” She beams as she goes for a high-five and you meet her mid air.

Usopp next to you dramatically slouches on the worn-out cushions in disbelieve, grabbing one of the pillows he buries his face in it. “You two are made of the same evil.” His voice comes out muffler and barely audible.

Both, you and Nami, laugh at him, before she nods with her head towards the hall where your class for the day is and lets you know that you must go in now.

All three of you gather your things and make your way to class. Once sat down and waiting for the class to start, Usopp who sits to your left side, nudges you on the shoulder. “They’re very good by the way.” His head nods with approval, you stare at him for a second before it clicks in who he is referring to. “Here,” he pulls out his phone and opens his Spotify, giving it to you, “we have enough time.” He reassures you as you glance at the door from which any second now your teacher might walk in.

“What are you two gossiping about without me?” Nami places her chin on your shoulder as she looks at the phone in your hands.

“I’m introducing her to some good music.” He winks at her and for a first time today she agrees with him as they low high-five over you. You shake your head with a chuckle as you press on the first song that is shown on their profile called ‘Cry Baby’ and put the phone speaker closer to your ear.

The sound drifts in first, looping gently, filling your ear with its melody. Then the voice follows - confident but somehow soft, whoever sings it has very unique voice. You still. Your eyes flick between your friends, who eagerly wait for your reaction. The more you listen to the song the more your surprise grows. You don’t expect this. Your earlier encounter with the undeniably cute brother of your friends’ friend did not give you the vibes of a guy who would be involved with alternative music, your thoughts running back to him once again. Your lips curve, slow and genuine. This catches you off guard; not where your thoughts lead you to, but to how quickly you start to like the song as your head slowly nod to its melody and the voice which you can listen to for hours.

Usopp looks at Nami with a smirk as she nods her heads with thrill. He points with his finger at you over your head and whispery shouts to her, “I think we’ve got a new fan.”, making sure you hear him, too.

The song finishes the exact moment your teacher walks in, and you give the phone back to Usopp. “Damn, they’re good!” You silently exclaim only for them to two to hear you.

“Told you they are.” Usopp gestures at himself as he would ever recommend you something bad to listen to. A makeshift of a laughter comes from your nose as you turn your attention to the teacher in front of you. Leaning to you, Usopp whispers, “Not to brag, but I’ve help with some of their songs.” You bump fists with him as he confidently shrugs with one shoulder, and you make a mental note to ask him more about it later.

“I’m telling you girls from now, that I’m not writing any script for next week!” Usopp announced loudly as you three are out of the room on your way out of the building.

“Sure, princess.” Nami throws him a mocking glance.

“At least it’s a sound focus exercise.” You say while digging in your shoulder bag looking for the pack of gums you know you’ve bought earlier, and it must be somewhere at the bottom of your bag.

“Ture.” Nami agrees with you.

Usopp lets out a loud gasp making you both turn to him, “Excuse me?”, he sounds almost offended. “Sound is an easy task?” His eyes are open wild, his pupils almost double the size in disbelieve. Sometimes you forget how much of a sound nerd he is. Both, Nami and you, apologies to him quickly for dismissing his favourite part of filmmaking.

“Speaking of sound-”, you pause for a second as you finally feel the pack of gums and takes it out, offering to your friends as well as they gladly take one gum each, “have you helped your friends a lot with the music they make?”

“He’s their go to guy when they need someone to sort out a beat for them.” Nami points out with her chin towards him.

A smile spreads across your face. Of course, they would! Usopp is a genius in your eyes when it comes to music. Again, what he is doing in a film school is still a mystery to you, but then again – why limit your creativity to just one area? “Do you get to help them a lot?”  You ask.

“Ish.” He wiggles his fingers with a half shrug. “Since they signed up with a manger, I’m not so involved as I used to, but this will change as I’m going to be a bit more involved with some of their future projects, and that’s why I was supposed to meet with Ace today before class, but he ditched me last minute.” The fakest smile that you have ever seen spreads across Usopp’s lips. Ace has really pissed him off. You start to wonder if the reason why he had to diched Usopp is you, but you brush this thought away. It cannot be.  

“You know what,” Nami chimes in, “good that he did.” Both of you turn to look at her – you clearly confused why she would say something like this and Usopp in disbelief of her audacity. “Now you’ll be able to focus properly on our project next week.” She waves her finger around you three, causing Usopp to groan.

Adjusting the bandana on top of his head like it is a crown, he lets another dramatic exhale. “What are you two going to do without me?” He yanks you and Nami in, effortlessly locking you both in a headlock thanks to his height advantage. Your voices mixes in one as you start fighting for your way out.

“Probably find someone else to take over your place.” You shout loud, poking him on the sides and escaping his embrace. He let out a groan which gives Nami the chance to escape, too. Neither you nor Nami waste a second as you start pushing him around, looking like little children to the rest of the people around you.

“You both are cruel.” He cries out looking over his shoulder as he runs away from us, but instead of stopping he just changes to casual jog.

“Usopp where are you going?” You shout after him.

He turns to faces you, now running backwards. “I’m going over to my girl’s place. See you tonight.” He shouts back before completely disappearing in the distance.

You let out a short breath of laughter, “Can you believe this? He just ditched us like we’re some randoms.” You don’t get any snarky response from Nami, so you turn to her only to see her giving you a pleading look. “What? What is it with this face?”

“So, there is nothing you can do to not work tonight?” You can clearly see that she is genuine upset for tonight and wants you to be able to be with them, not somewhere around them, but sadly you have already promised your uncle, and you cannot call it off last minute and then just show up there like it is nothing. Well, you can, but Shanks is one of the people that you hate letting down.

“No, I’m sorry Nami.” You take her hand in yours, as you two slowly make your way to the metro station. “I can’t ditch Shanks at the last moment, especially tonight.” You give her hand a gentle squeeze. “But I’ll be still there,” Your voice gets up a notch as you try your best to make her feel better, “just behind the bar.”

She waves her free hand to drop the subject and just pulls you in for a hug. “You better make those free drinks good, or else I will complain to the manager.” And knowing her, she will go and complain to your uncle.

A soft smile spreads across your face. “I promise I’ll pour my soul into them.” You pull away breaking the hug. “See you tonight, Nami.” You wave her goodbye as you two take on different lines for the metro.

Tonight, will definitely be an interesting night. As much as you don’t want to get ideas in your head, you’re already filling your mind with thoughts about the cute not-so-much of a stranger you will be seeing sooner than you thought of.

END NOTE: I know I haven't updated THE NBHD, in a year, for which I sincerely apologies for. I'll be completely honest with you - I hated the story and still do (I mean the first version of it). There were so many things that weren't making any sense - plot wise, character wise, etc. Don't even get me started on my writing. One day I opened it and decided to read it, and I couldn't stop laughing from embarrassment, because, believe me when I say it guys, I genuinely have zero clue how so many of you actually liked it and stuck to it??? Like it was bad! Anyway, as I've already mentioned this is rewritten version of it, that should makes sense for the way I want to finish it + with more added scenes between Reader and Ace, that actually showing their relationship growing from friendship to something more. To all of you who are willing to jump on this journey once again - thank you and I love you, and for those of you who are new - I hope you'll enjoy this story. Also I know I said I'll updated chapter one and two at the same time, but due to work schadule chapter two will be out this upcoming Tuesday, hope you all understands :) Every like, comment, reblog and message is greatly appreciated! Lots of love, Cinna

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Thirty-five hours left until Thursday, five o’clock in the afternoon. Thirty-five hours which seems to go faster than you would like. Thirty-five hours in which you try everything to take your mind off Dot and focus on your job.

In the past week you have been working mostly from home, but today you have decided that what is best for you is to be around people and which is a better place to be around people than your job. With one of the big fashion weeks coming up in a few weeks every day there is chaos around this time of the year. Models are in demand from all fashion houses, therefore, as a leading agency in the county, you and your colleagues are covered head to toe with contracts to be made and signed, to emails and calls to be answered with demands from both sides.

You being signed up as Boa Hancock’s one and only agent is both a blessing and a curse. Your best friend, being the world’s top model for the past three years while you are climbing the leader of an agent yourself and finding your own contacts and connections hasn’t been easy at all, but somehow until now, this has been the easiest thing that is happening in your life. You are literally showering in luck when it comes to your job, despite how unlucky your personal life has been at the same time while all of this was and still is happening.

The downfall of having Boa as your number one client is… having her. Is she your best friend? Yes. Do you love her endlessly? Yes. Is she pain in the ass and the biggest diva to exists out there? Absolutely, yes. Which means that now that she is in demand from every couture house, you must spend hours and hours going back and forth with her and the brands for all of her demands. All of them.

“No, you don’t seem to understand me here. She cannot open for you, if you want her for this runway, she can close the show for you.” It has been an hour since you have been on this call. You feel like a parrot at this point, repeating the same thing over and over again. The nauseous you have is not helping either.

Hearing the same thing coming the person on the other side of the line for a thousandth time today, you sigh deeply. “Listen, we’ve been going back and forth with no middle ground for the past hour. You want her as an opener? Fine, but this is going to cost you a few thousands extra on top of her usual price as an opener, so are we making a deal on this and I send you the demands she has when being hired or we should end the conversation now?” First you are met with silence for a few seconds before hearing a deep exhale coming from the other side of the line. A winning smile spread across your face. “I take this as a yes. I’ll send you the contract in a few hours and we speak again after you look at it.” You don’t even wait for an answer before you end the call.

Leaning on your comfortable white leather office chair, you make a little spin on it as you look around your office. Sunlight streams through the window behind you, casting a warm glow across the scattered papers across your desk. The light grey walls are covered with big, framed posters of your clients’ best work as models. Boa is not the only successful model you have signed under your name for which you take pride in. For three years you have come up so far, yet there is this feeling inside yourself that it is not enough. That you are not deserving of this success, yet here you are – in you little but spacious office achieving things many of your colleagues cannot even reach their whole carrier.

You take a steady breath, fingers drumming lightly against the edge of the desk as the familiar buzz of office life hums beyond your door - phones ringing, laughter echoing from the breakroom, the distinct clatter of high heels on polished floors.

Despite the pressure, you let yourself savor this rare sense of belonging, the brief illusion that, at least here, everything is under control. As you refocus on the glowing screen and the next contract blinking for your attention, you feel a faint reassurance: for the next several hours, your world can shrink to deadlines and negotiations, a welcome distraction from everything you’re not yet ready to face. Yet.

As you are typing in another long email, your phone rings. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise when you see your mother calling you. It is not that you are not close with your parents or on bad terms with them, but since you have broken up with their perfect on paper soon to be son-in-law and shatter their dreams for a successful rich husband by your side, things between you and them have been a bit rocky.

Picking the phone up you put her on a speaker as you continue to type in your email. “Hey, mom.” You greet her with flat tone.

“Hey, honey. How are you?” She sounds like she is in a good mood, which piqued your interest.

“Good. Working. You?” By the background sounds coming from her, you can tell that she is out on some busy street.

“I’m good as well. Do you want to grab lunch with me? I’m close to your office and I’ve heard they opened a very nice restaurant close by, and I want to try it.”

Tapping the screen on your phone to see what time it is you are amazed by how fast time has gone by since you have come to the office today. “Sure. Send me the address and I can meet you there in like twenty minutes?”

“Perfect. See you twenty, hun.”

Silence takes over your office after she hangs up. You haven’t seen your mother in months. Mostly because of your busy schedule, but also because you cannot stand being nagged all the time about the biggest mistake you have made so far in your life – breaking up with your ex-partner. Your parents have no idea even till these days what your ex’s true colors are. They still see him as the perfect man for you, and they make sure to mention this every now and then when they get the chance to see you. Especially your father. Your ex has been like the son your father never has gotten to have. And you have taken that from him.

Sending off the email you have been writing, you close your laptop and get up to leave once your mother has sent you the address to the restaurant, she wants you to meet at.

Once standing up you quickly lean with your hands on the desk as dizziness hits you. Glancing at the clock on the wall you realize why this is happening. Today you haven’t taken the pills Doctor Belladona has prescribed you for the pregnancy. Guilt takes over you immediately. You have done this purposely. Last night you threw the pills away. After all, tomorrow you will be no longer pregnant, what is the point of taking them then?

Your heart clenched with ache at this thought. Placing your hand over your belly, you gently whisper. “I’m sorry, Dot.”

With a deep breath you composed yourself and reach out to grab your handbag before leaving the office. While leaving a lot of your colleagues greet you with a smile or a quick nod, not all of them wear genuine smiles, but you are immune to them at this point. As much as you love your job, the toxicity in this industry is suffocating and if you don’t learn how to swim with these sharks, they will eat you alive.

Walking down the busy streets of the cosmopolitan city you live in is usually stressful but today feels like this is exactly what you need. The louder the noise is around you the harder it is for you to hear your own thoughts.

The restaurant where your mother should be already waiting for you is just a few streets away from your office building and it takes you less than ten minutes to reach it. Your mother has already sent you another message in which she tells you where she is sitting so you make your way following her directions. She sees you first and waves towards you to catch your attention which she successfully does.

Once standing in front of her she gets up and wraps her arms around you in a hug. “Ah, it’s been a while.” She says pulling away while her eyes scan your form from head to toe. “Have you gain some weight? Your face looks so puffy.” The smile on her face doesn’t match the judgment on her eyes, but you choose to ignore this, too.

Ignoring this comment sounds easier said than done. You haven’t weighed yourself recently, but you are quite sure that instead of gaining weight, given the situation you are currently in, you have lost some. The puffy face is a factor of the sleepless nights you have had in the past week and the constant tears that fall from your eyes once there is no one around and it is just you left with your thoughts.

“Hey, mom. Nice to see you as well.” You try to hide your irritation as much as you can as you take off your bag and hang it on the side of the back of the chair and seat across from your mother.

“Oh, don’t be like this.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m just concerned about you. Is everything okay?”

“No, mom. Nothing is okay right now. I’m fucking knocked up, and guess what – I want to keep it, but I can’t, but other than this life is just amazing for me.” That is what you want to say, but instead you just shrug. “Yes, it’s all good. Just lots of things to deal with at work.”

“Well, welcome to adulthood honey.” She clicks with her tongue as she picks up the menu for the table and scans it with her eyes.

You are not surprised by her response. No matter what you do it is never enough for praise from you parents. At the end you might die from overworking yourself and they will still find a way to downplay the effort you put into your job.

Grabbing the menu yourself you look at all the options. It is not a lot, but you must eat something. You have barely eaten recently, no wonder you feel nauseous all the time even though you are pregnant.

Your eyes shift between a saucy pasta, a nice burger with fries and a salad with quinoa; an internal battel of which one you should order and not be judged for it but also satisfy the hunger you are currently feeling.

Under your mother’s sharp gaze like she is reading you, her flat tone doesn’t hide the nagging behind it as she says, “You know their salads look very appetizing. Especially the one with quinoa.”

The message is delivered clearly. Glancing at her over the menu you give her a big tight-lipped smile. “Then maybe you should order it, mom.” The smile you give her is far from a sincere one and she knows it. Before she gets to response one of the waitresses comes to your table ready to take the order.

“Two quinoa salads.” Your mother tells her she doesn’t even bother to look at the girl. Instead, her eyes are locked on you with a stern look over her face as she hands the menu back.

You gasp with surprise, mouth and eyes wide open. “Wow, mom! I’ve never seen you this hungry.”

Your pulse is rising. Your parents love to be involved in all your decisions. Till this day your mother allows herself to act like you are still five years old, but to get your old self back and even better it, your therapist words rang in your head as a bell ‘Your needs should come first.’, and your needs right now scream for a tasty meal. “One cheeseburger with extra cheese and extra fries, plus sauce on the side please.” Unlike your mother, you turn your attention to the waitress and give her an apologetic smile.

The girl taking your order smiles back at you, and you can read the sympathy in her eyes as she does so. “What would you like to drink?” Her entire attention is focused on you.

“Just water. And if possible, a glass full of ice too. Thank you.” You tell the girl, and she turns to your mother to hear if she would like anything to drink herself.

“Sparkling water for me.” She orders, eyes still piecing you.

The bright ginger-haired girl turns to leave your table after she quickly repeats your order, then you remember something very important and call her out to wait for a second as you gesture to her to come closer to you so you can whisper in her ear. “Please, could you also say to the kitchen that everything must be cooked, and nothing should be raw as I’m pregnant, but please don’t say anything aloud as my mother doesn’t know.” The girl just pulls away and nods her head with a wink.

Your mother gives you a questionable look once the waitress is gone but lets it slide as she doesn’t waste any time giving you piece of her mind. “Isn’t fashion week coming soon?”

Rasing your eyebrow questioningly you wait for her to continue. “With all the important people around this event you must look your best, so perhaps you must cut on… you know… cheeseburgers.”

It hasn’t been ten minutes yet and she is already starting to remind you why you try to avoid her and your father as much as you can. “Perhaps if I were a model – yes, but I’m not.” You answer as calmly as you can.

“I’m quite aware that you aren’t, but you are representing them; therefore, you must look as good as one.”

You take a breath to response, but the waitress comes back with your drinks, giving you the perfect opportunity to change the subject once she leaves. “I saw you attended some charity gala last Saturday. How was it?”

With the focus now being entirely changed to your mother and her job, you sit there and listen to her telling you about all the important people she has met this past weekend and all the new connections she has added to her long list of them.

Your mother is a philanthropist, but not so much for the cause behind being one as for the benefits it brings your family. Dislocating from what she is saying you just look at her and observe her appearance - dressed in one of her many expensive suits, with her hair always styled perfectly, and her soft feminine features waring their good persona mask while her inner persona is far from soft and good.

No wonder you handle the people in your branch so effortlessly. You grew up with someone like them right in front of you. Your father is no different. He is a lawyer after all. One of the most respected and well-known ones in the city, along with his own lawyer company.

Their connections and name have helped you too in one way or another, but you only use them if it is a life-or-death situation, so almost never. You don’t even represent yourself with your last name, but with your middle one instead.

Deep down you know your parents are always looking out for you and wishing for your best, but you never liked how much they want to be in control of your life. That is why they have had many problems with you in your wild teenage years and early twenties, too. You have been a rebel back then, until you have met your ex.

That is why they loved him so much and still do. He has managed to repress your wild side down. They just never find out how he has done it and never will. This is mostly upon you and never telling them how he threatened you while you two have been together.

He was also your father’s dream son - the one he never got to have. You are their only child, and they have had big dreams about you. The biggest one being you becoming a lawyer. The look on their face when you announce that you are going to study marketing and business is still hunting you till these days. That is probably the day when you have disappointed them the most. Since then, the conversations with your father have been mostly formal, even when your ex-boyfriend was around, your father’s focus was more on him than on you. They have shared many interests and the most important of it all – your ex studied law. This was all your father needed to know to want him as an in-law.

“Oh, and the mayor’s daughter was at the event, and I got to speak with her for a bit. Turns out she is interested in modeling herself, but doesn’t know where to start exactly, but I told her not to worry and that I will give you her contacts and you can get her -” Your mother gets interrupt as your food is being served.

You thank the waitress and gape at your food. Hunger takes over you as a wave in a matter of seconds. Your mouth starts watering at the sight of the cheeseburger in front of you and you don’t waste a second taking it with your hands and taking a big bite of it. The flavors of it melt on your tongue and you softly moan. Grabbing a handful of fries, you dip them in the sauce on the side and stuff them in your mouth. You really haven’t realized how hungry you have been until now.

Your mother looks at you with disgust on her face. Embarrassed of the way you seem to forget all your manners, she hisses your name across the table with a little stomp of her high heel on the ground.

“What?” You ask with a full mouth.

“What? Eat like a normal person not like a savage.” She scolds you with a frown.

“Mom, it is a burger. I cannot eat it with a knife and a fork.” Putting the burger down you take the napkin on your right side and wipe the corners of your lips. “You don’t always need to be so uptight, you know. Chill a bit.” Chuckling, you take another handful of fries and stuff them in your mouth.

Taking the fork and the knife in her hands, she mixes her salad and gives you another of her stern looks. “I think you are a bit too grown up to use word like chill.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that there is an age limit to certain words now.” You murmur loud enough so she can hear you.

“You see,” she points at you with her knife. “This is why you are twenty-seven soon to be twenty-eight and single.”

You can’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Here we go again.” You think to yourself as you have already been wondering when she will start her favorite topic – your personal life.

“At your age I was already married to your father and expecting.”

“One out of two checked.” You murmur to yourself, the words leaving your lips faster than you expected, but thankfully your mother doesn’t catch it. Or you thought so.

“Did you murmur something under your nose?” She finally takes a bite of her salad.

The hairs on your neck stood up, but you try to keep it cool, maybe she hasn’t heard anything. “No, I didn’t say anything.”

Shaking her head with disappointment, she looks down at her salad and for a moment none of you say anything. As you continue to enjoy your food in the silence that has taken over the table your mother clears her throat, catching your attention. “I think there is something important you should know and I do think this will be in your benefit.”

Here is another bullshit that “supposedly” will benefit your life. Putting the burger down on the plate and wiping your fingers clean you straighten your posture as you give her your full attention.

“I want you to know that both me and your father always think and wish for the best for you, that is why I want you to listen to me without interrupting.” You already don’t like where this is going. “We recently found out, or at least it was finally confirmed to us that you have been depressed for the past year and so. I did notice a change in you before, but with you-” She points at you with the palm of her hand. “Never being open up to us, no matter how hard me and your father have tried, it is a bit hard for a person to help you, you know?”

While you listen carefully to her, it also amazes you how she can sound so sympathetic while criticizing you at the same time.

“I have also heard that you’ve been going to therapy for the past year, is that true?” You don’t say anything, just nod after a few seconds. “Oh, my. Are you getting better, hun? Is the therapist good enough? Are you on antidepressants or any pills?” She starts to throw question after the question at you, and you cannot manage to answer her if she continues like this.

“Mom!” You raise your voice a bit, making her stop. “I’m fine, okay. No, pills or anything like this. I’m doing better now.” Or you try to be. Without realizing your hand has found its way to your belly.  Since you have found out about Dot, things are not very smoothly going as they finally used to, but you will get back on track. You hope.

“What happened that you got depressed? Everything in your life was perfect. And then out of nowhere everything collapsed…” You choose to stay silent, too lost in your own mind until the name of your ex-boyfriend leaves your mother’s lips. “He is the one who told us. He still cares for you and I think-”

“Wait, what?” You can feel your blood running cold at the mention of his name. What does your mother mean he has told them? When? Where? Have they seriously kept in contact with him this entire time? How does he even know about you going to therapy?

A big smile spreads across your mother’s face, and she beams with enthusiasm when she tells you that he works for your father’s company now. But that isn’t the worst thing that she tells you. “You know how much your father loves him, so he is actually working under your father’s guidance. Isn’t this amazing? This is your chance to get back with him and fix things from where you two left.”

Everything around you feel like it is closing off and you are about to get swallowed by an endless hole. This can’t be true. This must be some sick joke. Your heart is beating so fast if you are in a cartoon, it will probably fly out of your chest. Your mouth goes immediately dry and with a shaky hand you reach for the icy glass of water and take a few small sips of it. This cannot be real.

“Hun, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Your mother reaches across the table to take your hand, but you instinctively pull it away.

“Don’t touch me.” You whisper as you give her a cold glance.

Waving her hands in the air in disbelief, your mother then leans on the table and stares at you. “What is wrong with you child?”

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you?” You gesture with your hand at her blazingly. “What is wrong with both of you? How could you keep in contact with that man after I’ve told you millions of times that I don’t want to even see his face, and not only you kept contact with him, but now you even gave him a job and endless opportunities?” Tears start to build in your eyes.

Your mother gaps with a hand on her chest. “How could you say this? After everything your father and I have done for you, and still try to do, how could you be so ungrateful? Do you have any idea how worried we are for you? All three of us? Do you know what a man you’ve missed? What a life you’ve missed?” It takes your mother everything to keep her voice hushed as you are in a public space and she cannot risk damaging her image. “You should be beyond grateful that he wants to get back with you. Guys like this are in extinct nowadays.”  

You will throw up any second now, and this time is neither Dot nor the burger’s fault. Pressing the back of your hand to your lips, you slowly get up from the chair and take your handbag with you.

“Of course, run away now. As you’ve always done. I don’t know from where you got this quality but is definitely not from me or your father.” She calls after you but composes herself fast as she realizes where she is and she cannot risk her own reputation, because of her reckless daughter.

You don’t waste any second and make your way straight to the toilets. Luckly, there is no queue, and you enter one of them immediately, with a long bang of shutting the door close as you fall with your knees on the ground and throw up all the food you have just consumed.

Flushing the toilet after there is nothing else left in your stomach to throw up, you sit on the toilet floor and lean on the wall. Your head is currently spinning with thoughts. How and why? Who has told him about your therapy? Why are you parents in contact with this awful man? Why do they like and trust him so much? Can’t they see how cruel he is? Can’t they see and realize that the reason the spark in your eyes has died is because of him? Why is anything you do never enough for them?

With the back of your hand, you wipe the cold sweat that runs down your forehead. You have been through so much lately and you wonder when it is going to end. When will it be your turn to have brighter days? Glancing down at your stomach, the thought that runs through your mind makes you clench it for dear life. It is a whole miracle that Dot is doing okay, with the amount of stress you are facing on the daily and not taking good care of yourself, the little thing growing inside of you is still hanging strong in there. Then the realization hits you.

Dot will be gone tomorrow. There will be no trace of them. Dot will never exist.

“I wish I could keep you Dot…” You whisper to your stomach as you gently trace it with your fingers. “I would have never gone against your choices. I would have always be on your side, even if you are to be the one in a wrong, I would have always have your back.” A single tear rolls down the corner of your eye, but you wipe it away before it reaches your jawline. “I would have done anything in my power to be the best mother out there for you…” You stop for a second as your thoughts run back to Ace. The man who is the reason why Dot happened in a first place.

Despite all and the situation you are both currently in, there is something in you, call it a gut feeling if you wish, that tells you Ace would have been an amazing father, but you cannot put him in such role if he doesn’t want to. You cannot be selfish… even if you want to.

Looking up at the ceiling you take a deep breath in. “Dot… just give me a sign… give me a sign and I’ll keep you. Give me a sign that I can be in fact selfish… please.” You squeeze your eyes shut and bit hard on your lower lip as you try to fight the tears.

Silence. This is not a book or a movie. There won’t be any divine powers coming to tell you whether to keep the baby or not. “Silence is also an answer.” You murmur as you get up from the floor.

Getting out of the toilet you wash and dry your hands as you look at the mirror. Your makeup is a mess, but other than this… what is not a mess in your life right now? Maybe you need to stop wasting time and fix some of the mess.

Making your way out you pull your phone up and call the clinic. The other line picks up, and you quickly reply. “Hello, I have an abortion scheduled for tomorrow, but I want to do it today, is it possible to do it in like an hour?” The answer from the other side is all you need to know is that you are making the right decision. “Perfect. See you in a bit.”  

The worst thing you can do for yourself, and Dot is bringing them into this world. If you never managed to make your parents happy, you could only imagine the hell they would bring upon you when they find out you got knocked up by a one-night stand. This is the best for all of you. “I’m sorry, Dot. But in another life, in a parallel universe I know I’ve become your mom and gave you the world, but not in this one and I hope that you will forgive me.” You tell yourself as you gently place the palm of your hand over your stomach while you call for a taxi to take you to the clinic.

Two years later

The sunlight shines brightly through the window and right on your face disturbing your sleep. You want to kill him. He has this awful habit of sometimes forgetting to pull the curtains. Turning to the side to face him, your irritation is gone in seconds as you gaze at his sleeping form – his messy hair all over the place, with one hand under the pillow and the other wrapped around your waist. As much as you want to wake him up and scold him about it, your heart doesn’t allow you to due to how peaceful and cute he looks, but also because you know he doesn’t do it on purpose.

Instead, you shift your body in a better position and start covering his face with lazy kisses. Soon you feel a lazy smile spreading across his face and being pulled even closer towards him.

“I forgot the fucking curtain again, didn’t I?” He asks you without opening his eyes, voice deep and raspy as he fights the sleep.

“Yes. Yes, you did.” You whisper in between the kisses you continue to place on his freckles face.

“I’m sorry, princess.” He murmurs as he opens his eyes slowly.

Placing one last kiss on his lips, he returns it, before you pull away to get up from bed. “Be happy that I love you too much to be mad at you for too long.”

“Uh, what a lucky man I am.” He loudly calls after you as you leave the bedroom.

Who would have thought that the same man who knocked you up two years ago is the same man who you now find yourself in love with and proudly can call the love of your life.

The day you had the abortion was the day Ace became a permanent part of your life. After you did it you called him and he came to check up on you that same day. Those checkups turned into everyday texts, these texts turned into seeing each other when the other is free, and then after the first sober kiss you two shared the rest is history that continues to be written.

There are sometimes days where you image what it would have been if instead of the three of you – Ace, Kotatsu and you, there are four, but as you keep reminding yourself, this was for the best. Maybe one day you might add an addition to your little family or maybe not, but for now everything is perfect the way it is, and you won’t change it for anything. As long as you have Ace by your side life will always feel a bit better. You said goodbye to one thing only to say hello to another, and you will be forever grateful for that one choice you made that day.

END NOTE: I hope you like this alternative ending. Feel free to comment how you feel about it, if you liked it or not. And also if you want to drop the story till here - don't worry I understand. If you want to continue reading I hope you stick around, haha. As this story is all about choices - the choice is yours. ♡ Thank you for reading and supporting my fics ♡♡♡♡

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Sunsets – don’t we all love them? The sky painted in beautiful colors despite what season it was. Despite how bad your day was you could always look up at the sky and be like – “My day was bad, but the sunset is beautiful. This bad day is over.” And that was why I had always found sunsets to be quite mournful. The day was over. No matter if it was the happiest or the saddest day of your life, this day would never happen again. It happened once. Whatever had happened that day it would never happen again; it would never undo itself and the mistakes you made. The mistakes I made.

Sitting next to my father with a heavy heart in my chest, we both hadn’t said much. We haven’t said anything at all. Today we buried my mother, or should I say cremated. He hasn’t put down the black ceramic urn down for even a second. I had never seen him being so … heartbroken. Not even when she left us. Now it seemed like the lively spirit he had, has left his eyes and now they seemed so lifeless.

Mourning someone you never knew was a strange feeling. What exactly were you mourning for?

I never knew my mother. All the memories I could recall with her are from before my knees develop, let alone my brain. The only vivid memories I had from her  were her absence in my life. So again – what wa there for me to mourn for?

Her love? Her caring persona? The affection she gave me? The time spent with her? What was it for me to mourn her for? I never got the chance to know her. She never got the chance to get to know me.

I never gave her the chance to get to know me.

Maybe this was what I was mourning right now? The what if…

What if I hadn’t reacted the way I did three days ago? What if I gave her the chance to explain herself. What if it wasn’t too late for us?

I couldn’t stop asking myself those questions. I couldn’t stop blaming myself. I couldn’t stop feeling like I was the one who killed her, not her addiction, not her life choices – but me.

Every time I took a glance at my father and the sorrow crossing over his entire face and body, I felt like I was the one shooting whatever substance she shot in her veins that night. I felt like I was the one who injected her with her death.

The guilt was eating me alive.

“Dad…” I whispered with a trembling voice trying to catch his attention. I didn’t expect him to pay any attention to me. He was far too lost in his own mind.

Looking at him broke my heart. The lack of sleep for the past few days was visible on his face as the dark circles under his eyes were getting bigger and darker. His eyes were red and puffy from all the tears he cried and was still holding. The black suit he was wearing was still neatly ironed, not a single wrinkle on it with only the tie around his neck loose.

I wondered what was going on in his head right now; what was he thinking about – was he blaming me? He should be, isn’t he? Part of me wanted him to blame be. Part of me wanted him to point his anger or sadness or whatever he was feeling right now towards me and yell at me – “You killed her.” This would ease my pain and guilty consciousness.

My phone vibrated in the small purse I was carrying with me. Pulling the phone out of it, I read the message from Shanks asking when to pick me up. We both knew that my father would need some time alone, to process his own grief, but I didn’t want to leave him alone.

Clearing my throat, I turned to him again. “Dad, Shanks asks when to pick me up. Do you want me to stay with you a bit longer or…” I couldn’t finish the sentence because I was sure of the response. I could feel that he wanted me to go away, but there was no response. Again.

“Dad, please.” The grip around my phone was getting stronger as I tried to hold myself and my emotions grounded. Tears were slowly building up in my eyes, ready to fall if I let them. This silence was the worst punishment I have ever received from him. “Speak with me. Yell, scream, get angry whatever just please don’t go all silent.” I begged.

With a deep exhale he finally turned his head towards me and with a small shrug and smile, which didn’t even fully reach the corner of his mouth, he finally spoke up. “There is nothing to say or scream about, baby girl. You tell Shanks to pick you up.” Turning his attention back to the scenery in front of him he didn’t say anything more.

Biting the inside of my cheeks, I just nodded. There was no point pushing for more, he wouldn’t speak up, which only meant that he was in a great deal of pain and sorrow, one I couldn’t understand, but I must respect.

I sent Shanks a quick message, telling him to pick me up now to which he responded that he will be here in less than twenty minutes. Until then, my father and I spent the time in silence, until I broke it. “I understand if you blame me for it… I blame myself.” Getting up from the bench I look at him one last time before I leave. “But please, dad… don’t shut me off.”

“I just need to grief that’s all (Y/N).” He tells me, his voice is tired and low. “Don’t make Shanks wait for you. Go kid.”

Nodding I turned around without saying anything and made my way to where I knew Shanks was waiting for me. It took me less than a five minutes’ walk to spot his red jeep parked on the side way.

“Hey, Shanks.” I greeted him as I opened the door and took a seat on the passenger side.

“Hey, Foxy.” He said back, reaching with his hand and ruffling my hair. “You doin’ alright, kid?”

Humming in response as I buckled myself up with the seatbelt I nodded. “Yea, I’m fine.”

“How’s your dad?” He asked, without looking at me, his eyes focused on the road.

“He is… managing… I guess…” I was not sure how to answer this question, and neither would my father if someone asked him. “It was only us two, you know.”

My father and I were the only people who attended the funeral, if I may call it this. I wasn’t sure if he had contacted any of her friends or family. I knew I had some relatives from her side, but I have never met them. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if she had any friends in the first place. What was this woman’s life like? I had so many questions, yet none of them would be answered now as it was too late for me to ask them. Maybe someday when my father found it within himself to forgive me, I would ask him.

“Not surprised.” Shanks chuckled. “She should be grateful that even you two showed up.”

“Yea… you’re right.” I knew that Shanks was right, but that gut feeling in me that was eating me alive with guilt was telling me that he was too harsh, and in fact, if I was more forgiving, the past three days would have never happened. “How’s Natasha? Haven’t seen her in a while.” I changed the subject.

If I was to tell Shanks how I felt and the thoughts I had in my mind about my mother and her death, he would immediately comfort me, but I wasn’t looking for comfort. I was looking for a punishment. I was looking for someone who would be honest with me and tell me – “Yes, it is your fault. You killed her.”

That was why changing the subject seemed like the best option right now.

Some weeks had passed since the funeral. Life since then has been at a very fast peace. I have joined every possible project in school, I even ended up on Dave’s movie set as a set designer, and we started reconnecting slowly, but nothing like before, it was all very professional, and movie related.

Every shift or help Shanks needed for the bar I was there to help. Even if it was a last-minute call I would still go. I would do everything not to be left alone with my own thoughts.

My sleep was barely on the schedule. I was not sure if it was because of all the caffeine, I have been consuming like crazy lately, or all the nightmares I have been having every time I close my eyes. I have lost count of how many times I had woken up with screams or my body paralyzed with only my mind being conscious. The worst and most recent case always being the one when I hallucinate about her standing in the corner of my room. She just stood there without saying a word, her body lifeless, but eyes full of blame like they were screaming at me – “Why did you kill me?”

That was why, at best, I could do no more than four to five hours of sleep, and these were only very rare and lucky occasions. For me this was manageable, all I needed was coffee or an energy drink in quite a big and unhealthy amount, but they helped me to go through my days.

Unlike usual this time I surround myself with people. Silence and loneliness would kill me. You want to grab coffee with me? Sure, let’s go. You want help with your project but it’s going to take the whole day and probably night? Please, count me in. You want to go clubbing? Hell yeah.

I couldn’t remember the last time I said no to someone. I would do anything just to not be alone, because I was drowning, but I couldn’t scream for help. I was consumed by so much guilt and regret, and I felt no need for redemption for myself. I deserved this. Whatever it was I deserved it, so I let it consume me.

This new me wasn’t me at all. Looking at the mirror every morning and night I couldn’t recognize the face I was seeing in it. I was aware that it was me, but it didn’t feel like me. I felt like a ghost in a shell. A spirit trapped in a body which I cannot escape.

I could see some people liking the ‘new’ me – always down for whatever, very open up and happy. Who wouldn’t love such a chill spontaneous person? But there were people like Shanks, Kid, Nami and Usopp in my life who were constantly nagging me with questions about how I was doing and that I should take it easy. Especially Shanks.

Right now, I was stuck with him in his office. He had noticed for some time now the sudden weight drops, and constant drinking of energy drinks drank by me while I was working.

“Shanks, I’m not hungry.” I whined as he refused to let me go until I finished the meal in front of me.

“Foxy, I’m not having this conversation with you again.” He replied without looking at me, focusing on some paperwork he must finish today. “Plus, Natasha made it for you.”

“Don’t used her against me.” I rolled my eyes, pushing the plate away. “I ate some and I’m full, now could I please go to work?”

“It’s quiet right now, no need of you at the bar.”

“Shanks, I’m not five.” Leaning on the chair with a groan, I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Then stop acting like you are.” He said putting the documents aside. “Foxy, I’m really concern about you.” Sighing he placed his elbows on the desk and leaned on it. “Your dad’s also worried.”

Hearing this I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, bet. That’s why he hasn’t called me in a month or so.”

“I’m not justifying him, but…” Trying to find the right words Shanks obviously struggled how to continue without taking sides. “He had a very strange relationship with your mother and for some reason he never stopped loving this woman, so he is having a really hard time right now.”

I decided not to say anything. What was the point anyway? Everyone was sympathizing with him and excusing his behavior, and so did I, but this didn’t change the fact that he was barely speaking with me, and if we did it was only through messages.

“Just please, eat a bit more and then you can go.” Shanks told me as he was getting up and leaving the office.

Looking at the plate sitting in front of me I sighed. I barely felt any hunger nowadays. I barely felt like myself lately, and the last thing on my mind was putting something in my stomach. Pushing myself into taking a few more bites from the food I put it aside and left the office.

It shouldn’t be a busy night tonight, after all it was Thursday a week before most people get their salaries. It is just me and Kid working tonight, and hopefully Shanks would leave soon.

Nothing interesting was happening during the shift. It was mostly me and Kid chitchatting, with customers coming from time to time. Around eleven we got some more people walking in, mostly college students my age spending their last money on some cheap beer.

At some point I opened another energy drink, and of course if not Shanks, Kid was going to make a comment about it. “Your heart is ‘bout to explode soon if you don’t stop them drinks.”

I rolled my eyes at him while taking a big sip of the drink. Putting it down I gave him a mocking smile. “Kid, I must inform you, that life is not so generous to me and I have a lot more to suffer before it ends me.”

“By the looks of it, you don’t have much left.” He chuckled. “You need to change this thing you girls put under your eyes because it isn’t helping much.” He said pointing a finger at my face.

“It’s called concealer. I need to tell Victoria, to teach you better about makeup Kid.” I teased him about his girlfriend, making him blush a bit. Every time I mentioned her name his whole face changed, getting all flustered and uncomfortable like a little boy.

I couldn’t help but continue to tease him about Victoria. Who would of believe that it took one girl to turn a grumpy man into such a sunshine.

Our little game was cut short as one girl came to the bar and told us that the toilet paper was finished. “Women’s toilet is your problem.” Kid laughed at me as he threw the key for the toilet paper holders at me to catch.

Walking to the storage and then the girl’s restroom inside there were two girls. Obviously, friends but very different. One of them had a more edgy style while the other was like she just came out of the Barbie movie.  They both froze when they saw me entering the toilets and at first, I didn’t pay them any attention despite their attitude being weird, but when I got out all three of us froze on the spot.

My eyes were moving between them and the little transparent bag full of white dust which didn’t take me long to figure out that it was.

The girl who looked like a Barbie sniffed and wiped her nose before she spoke up. “Please, don’t tell anyone.” Her voice was filled with panic.

“It’s not what it looks like.” Her friend jumped in quickly before she turned around to grab the little bag and shoved it into her purse.

I was still frozen and didn’t know how to response or what to do. Was I supposed to get out and let Kid and Shanks know? Yes, I was. But I couldn’t. Something made me completely stunned in this situation to a point where I could feel my heartbeat fastening.

“Hey, are you okay?” The Barbie girl, if I may call her this, took a few steps towards me. Despite what she had taken, she seemed genuinely concerned.

Before she could reach my shoulder and touch me, I shook my head, trying to snap myself out of this state. “I’m fine.” I murmured, taking a step back and looking away from them.

“Please, don’t snitch on us.” The edgy girl also came closer to me and her friend. “Plus, we’re leaving soon.”

“I-I won’t.” I quietly said before I cleared my throat and passed by them, leaving the toilets.

Getting behind the bar, Kid gave a questioning look. “Don’t ask.” I told him before grabbing and opening another energy drink.

“Okay, that is enough.” He said reaching out and snatching the can out of my hands.

 “Kid, what the fuck?” I yelled at him, irritated by his action. “What was that for?”

“This was going to be your fourth one for the night!” He shouted back, his brows frowning, irritation and anger written all over his face. “Even a man my size can’t take that much caffein.”

“I’ve seen you drinking more.” I snorted, rolling my eyes at him I turned around to reach for another one, but he was quick to stop me.

“Yo brat, that’s enough!” Now he was mad. It usually won’t take long to get Kid pissed off, he was like a tickling bomb, one wrong pushed button and he was ready to explode. “Go pick some glasses from the tables.”

“You go and do that.” I spat at him as I left the bar and stormed off to the back entrance.

Shutting the door behind me, I grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it as I leaned on the wall behind me. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t. My heart was beating fast, and the air was barely feeling my lungs.

“Not now. Please, not now.” I spoke to myself as I looked up at the night sky, trying to calm myself.

This has been happening quite a lot recently. I wouldn’t call them panic attacks more like anxiety ones, but some were heavier than the others. But right now, this was the last thing I needed.

I wasn’t sure what triggered it - my little argument with Kid or the girls in the restroom taking drugs, or both. Probably both.

Parting my lips I took big and deep inhales and exhales. It took me some time to calm myself and to be able to feel air normally getting to my lungs. I gave myself some more time before I went back inside.

Walking behind the bar, Kid grunted at me. “You cool off, brat?”

“Fuck off, Kid.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Did Shanks leave?” Kneeling to hide myself from customers, I reached for my phone, which I had left to charge, to check what time it was. It was almost midnight.

“Nah, he is still here.” Kid said nodding at where Shanks was. “The Monkey head’s here, too.”

Hearing Luffy’s nickname I immediately got up on my feet to see if Kid was messing with me. He wasn’t. Luffy was in fact here, and he and Shanks were chitchatting close to the stairs entrance.

“Also, Shanks said you can clock out.”

I looked back at Kid and nodded. “Sure. Bye, asshole.” I told him, leaving the bar and going to the storage/changing room downstairs to gather my things. In response, Kid just laughed at me.

Getting my bag with me I realized I left my phone at the bar and sighed annoyed. Going back upstairs I told Kid to hand it to me, but at that same time the two girls from the toilet came to me, apparently, they haven’t left yet.

“Hey, thank you for not outing us.” Said the more edgy styled girl.

“It’s fine.” I shrugged, not sure what else to tell them.

“We’re heading to this underground club now.” Her friend, the one dressed like she was a Barbie, handed me a little card with the club’s name on it. I had never heard of it before, giving her a weird look as it also said on the card that it was a ‘special’ invitation. “You can’t go in if you don’t have invitation like this one.” She explained after seeing my confused expression.

“Yea, you should totally join us.” The edgy girl agreed with her friend. “You seem cool.”

“Thank you, girls but I think I’ll pass.” Giving them a small smile I handed back the card, but they brushed me off.

“Keep it.” Said the Barbie. “You might change your mind and join us later.” She winked at me taking her friends arm in hers.

“See you there.” Both of them said at the same time and left.

I turned to Kid and showed him the card. “You know this place?”

Snatching the card from my fingers his brows frowned as he read the card. “Yea, I do. Only people on hard drugs and freaky kinks go there.” He handed it back and turned away.

This was the last thing I expected to hear. Not my kind of place. Or people, by what I have been just told. “I got invited there. Maybe I should try it sometimes.”

Slowly turning around, Kid gave a look of disbelief. “No, seriously what is wrong with you?”

“Nothing?” The look of confusion written all over my face. “I just said maybe I’ll check it out.”

“Did you go deaf or plain stupid?” Kid was barely holding up his anger, considering Shanks being close by and the customers around.

“Oh my, Kid you’re such an asshole. God forbit a girl wants to try something new.” I yelled back at him and as he was about to scream back at me, not caring about the surroundings, but we got interrupted by a very loud and bright voice.

“(Y/N)!” Luffy yelled, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. “Haven’t seen you since Sanji’s birthday. How you’ve been? Is Jaggy here bothering you?”

“Hi Luffy.” I return his hug. “When he isn’t?” Rolling my eyes I shot a deadly look at Kid, making him grunt and turn away from us. “What brings you here?” 

With his bright and big smile always on Luffy started rambling. “Shanks found me some job for the summer, and I came to speak with him about it. What you been up to? You doin’ alright?”  

“All good. The usual, you know how it is.” Shrugging, I gave him a small smile.

“Ah, filmmakers.” Luffy playfully rolled his eyes and poked me on the side, making me giggle. “But seriously, you doing good?”

Giggling a bit confused, I raised my brow at him. “Yes, Luffy, I’m. Why? Do I look bad or something?”

“No, no… just you look a bit tired.” He didn’t sound convincing at all, but I let it pass.

“Are you leaving? Wanna walk together?” Pointing with my thumb behind me to the stair entrance waiting for his response.

“Yea, but I must wait for Shanks for a bit, if you’re not in a hurry you can wait for me.” I almost agreed until hearing what came next from Luffy’s mouth. “Plus, Ace is giving me a ride home, so we can drop you off as well.”

Ace… I would be lying if I said that I had forgotten about him. Definitely, over him at this point, but still crossing my mind from time to time. Sometimes more than I would like to. My heart still skipped a beat by just hearing his name. The thought of him possibly being outside immediately crossed my mind, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask Luffy if he was already here waiting for him.

“No, it’s fine Luffy. I’m kind of in a hurry.” I chuckled. “But see you around, yeah?” I hugged him one more time.

“We need to hang out more.” He told me, pulling always from the hug.

I agreed with him before I turned and made my way to the exit. As I made it to the stairs someone grabbed my hand and pulled me. I wasn’t surprised to see Kid and his grumpy face.

“What now?” Pulling my hand away from his, I crossed my hands in front of my chest.

“I’m serious, brat.” The tone in his voice was both warning and caring. “Don’t go to that place.”

Sighing I just nodded, mostly because I wanted him to leave me alone. “No need to worry, Kid.” I didn’t say anything more and left.

With every step I was taking my heartbeat was increasing. I haven’t forgotten what Luffy had told me. There was a fifty-fifty chance that his brother might be already outside. As much as I was over him, I was still not sure if I could face him.

Stopping at the top of the stairs I took a deep breath in before stepping outside.

Ace’s patience was wearing thin. He wasn’t sure how long he had been waiting for his brother, but he was sure it had been almost thirty minutes at this point.

They were having a “brothers” night at Sabo’s place, until Shanks had called Luffy and asked him to come to his bar. Sabo was too tired to drive so Ace had no choice but to drive his little brother, who had failed his driving test three times already, and was relying on public transport or his friends’ generosity to get to places.

Ace’s motorbike was left at the service therefore he had to take Sabo’s car, which he really didn’t want to drive. That night, from months ago, was still hunting him every time he saw his brother’s car.

Lighting his second cigarette, he leans on the side of the car. Looking up at the night sky as he exhaled the smoke that filled his lungs his mind was driving him crazy as always.

The last few weeks hadn’t been easy for him. Things in his life had been more confusing than ever. It hadn’t been a day since that day his aunt gave him his mother’s diary that he hadn’t read it.

Most of the things written there didn’t make sense to him. His opinion about his father hasn’t changed, but it has become a bit more accepted. His father was his father. He couldn’t change this, but he needed to accept living with this fact and stop blaming him for his own mistakes. At least by his mother’s words his dad knew how to be a good partner. Something Ace was failing at miserably. 

You had crossed his thoughts many times, but Ace had decided that the best thing he must do was to let you go. You had made it clear that no matter what, you want nothing to do with him, and he must respect your boundaries. He had already crossed and stepped over them many times and he didn’t plan to do so again.

Was he over you? He wanted to say yes, but he would be probably lying to himself. On top of it, right now, he had bigger issues on his own, and finding time to bother asking himself where his feelings and emotions towards you stood, wasn’t on the list at all.

Taking another puff of his cigarette, he overheard the entrance door of the bar opening and slightly turned his head to it, hoping that it would finally be his brother. It wasn’t his brother, and it was the person he least expected to see. Or at least to see tonight of all nights.

Both of you froze as your eyes met. Neither of you moving or saying anything. Last time you saw each other was Sanji’s birthday. It had been two months since then. Your last conversation was everything but nice and smooth.

You had two choices – avoiding Ace and taking the longer way home or pass by him and saving yourself five to ten minutes. Ignoring your fastened heartbeat, you clutched on the strap of your bag. Taking one deep breath, you made up your mind and went on your way.

To Ace’s surprise, you made your way towards him. He was sure that you would pass by him, not acknowledging his existence at all, but you stopped just two steps away from him, making him straighten his posture and drop his cigarette on the side.

“Hi.” You almost whispered.

“Hey.” He barely replied.

What were you supposed to say now? Why did you even stop greeting him in the first place? What gotten into you; do you just walk away now?

While your mind was searching for an answer to why you stopped speaking with him, Ace’s eyes couldn’t stop roaming up and down your face and body, but not in the pervert way. This wasn’t the girl he had seen months ago. You looked like a ghost. Physically you seemed here, but there was no life behind your eyes. The eyes, which he was so used to reading every little emotion behind them, now seemed so lifeless.

Not only this but the bags under your eyes weren’t hidden well enough with concealer, your mascara smudged around the corner of your eyelids. The obvious unhealthy weight drop he wanted to ignore but couldn’t.

Where did the girl he knew go, and what had happened to make her be a ghost in her own body?

Ace wanted to ask you millions of questions, but he couldn’t, he didn’t feel like he should nor that you would give him the answers.

You were looking everywhere but at him, still managed to steal some glances. His hair had gotten quite long, almost touching his shoulders. Not that you didn’t like it, just not used to seeing him with this long hair. He looked tired, but when he hadn’t. You were quite aware of his fucked up sleeping schedule, you doubted it had changed over the past few months. Maybe he was overworked.

“How’s life been?” You blurred out so fast Ace almost missed what you have asked.

He should be the one asking you this, not the other way around. Clearing his throat and shrugging a bit he didn’t really know what to respond. “Same old, I guess. How ‘bout you?”

Shrugging awkwardly, the hold of your bag became even stronger. “Same old.”

Lair. He wanted to call out your bluff, but he had no right to do so, for which he just nodded. “Didn’t you work only during the weekends?” Ace wasn’t sure if even this was okay to ask you, but he already said it out loud therefore he only hoped it would be alright.

“N-not anymore.” You didn’t miss the way one of his brows slightly lifted in a questionable manner for which you felt like you must explain yourself. “I’m working almost everyday now, juggling with school and so.”

“I see.” Ace mumbled. “How’s things going there? In school I mean.”

Looking down at your feet, you slightly tapped on the pavement with one foot, this conversation playing with your nerves. “It’s going well. Quite a lot of projects at the same time, but it’s nice. Keeps me busy.” Glancing at him from under your lashes, you gave him half a smile, one which didn’t reach the corner of your eyes.

Keeps you busy from what? Ace wanted to ask so badly but didn’t say anything. This small conversation with you was killing him. He had never had such an awkward interaction with you before. Even at Sanji’s party wasn’t this painful bad as right now.

You were no different than him. This was so bad, and awkward, and cringe… and painful. Telling each other bits about your lives when you used to talk for hours about the most stupid things ever without even batting an eye on how cringe or uncomfortable they might be was a different kind of pain. Going from strangers, to friends, to… strangers was quite painful. At least for you, you couldn’t speak for Ace’s behalf.

“Congrats, by the way.” You told him, making him give you another questioning look as he slightly tilted his head to the side. “Number one on Billboards. Nami and Usopp were talking about this all week long.”

Light laughter escaped past his lips as he looked up at the sky. He couldn’t believe what was happening; you of all people congratulating him. He must have crashed or something on the way here because there was no way this was happening right now.

“Did I say something funny?” The confusion in your voice was clear making Ace placing his hand to his heart as he fixed his eyes on you.

“No, doll.” The name coming so naturally to him that he didn’t even realize it, neither did you complain about it. “Just… you of all people congratulating me is kind of ironic that’s all.” He visibly got uncomfortable. The memories of how you two-, how he ended things with you, filled his mind. None of this would have happened if he hadn’t been a coward that night. “Thank you, tho.”

Considering how you two ended things last time you knew what he meant by this. Looking at the car behind him the bitter memory floated in your mind.

The awkward silence got interrupted by the loud opening of the door. Luffy finally came out and saved you and Ace from the position you two found yourselves in.

“Oi, (Y/N) did you change your mind?” Luffy completely ignored his brother, instead he focused his attention on you. His hand pointing at the car, reminding you of his offer earlier.

“Oh no, Luffy. Thank you.” Waving your hands in a protest against his offer you also gave him a small smile. “Just… saying hello to your brother that’s all.” Glancing at Ace, your eyes locked again, but you both looked away immediately, knowing that there were quite a lot of unsaid things between you two.

“So stubborn.” He chuckled, nudging Ace on the arm with his elbow. “Isn’t she Ace? I offered to give her a ride home, but she keeps declining me. Tell her that it’s not a problem.” Nudging him one more time, Luffy was starting to piss his brother off.

Glancing at you, Ace could see that this whole thing was becoming uncomfortable for you, despite your attempts to hide it. “If she told you no then leave her alone Luffy.”

Whining Luffy raised his hands in the air, defeated by his stubborn brother and friend who obviously needed a little push. What a lot of people didn’t realize about Luffy was that despite his goofiness, he was quite emotionally intelligent. There was still something left between you and his brother, which must be said or done, but sadly Luffy wasn’t the best when it came to how to create a plan.

Taking a deep breath in, this was the best moment to say your goodbye to the brothers. “Well, it was nice seeing you guys. I must get going now.”

“Same (Y/N).” Luffy replied before pushing Ace to the side so he could get in the car.

Without saying anything to each other you and Ace just slightly nodded goodbye. As you walked away Ace just gave you one last look before making his way around to the driver’s side. Cursing himself, he called out your name, making you turn around and look at him. “Take care.”

He didn’t mean just take care while getting home, he meant in general. Doubting that you would get what he meant nor that you would listen, he felt like telling you at least this for his own sake.

“I will Ace.” There was something very bitter in the way you smiled and responded to him.

Yet, hearing his name leaving your lips caused his heartstrings to pull. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed hearing your voice saying it, now all he had left was to yearn for the next time destiny would bring you together to hear it falling from your lips again.

Getting into the car and starting the engine, he didn’t say anything. His mind filled once again with you. Not only from the confusion he was feeling after this conversation, but guilt also. If he could reach out to you and make you speak with him, not about you two, but about why you were the way you currently were. What had happened to the lust for life in your eyes to get killed?

“She looks like shit.” Despite how lost Ace was in his thoughts he heard his brother loud and clearly. This sentence coming from Luffy earned him a big hard slap on the back of his head. “Ouch, what was that for?” Holding the back of his neck, Luffy looked at his brother in disbelief. “Why did you slap me so hard?”

“Never say something like that about her ever again.” Ace warned his brother as he gave him a deadly side-eyed glance.

“I didn’t mean it like she is ugly or some.” Luffy whined, returning his brother’s slap, but as a punch on the shoulder. “I meant she seems to be struggling with something. A lot.”

“Yea, I noticed that, too.” Ace murmured. Biting the inside of his cheek he sighed before turning to his brother. “Any idea why?” He shouldn’t be asking questions, but he couldn’t help it.

“Her mother died, maybe that’s why.” Luffy shrugged looking at his brother, who knew her better. He expected Ace to give him some answers, instead he said nothing.

Ace was aware of your relationship with your mother. He was not doubting that you might be grieving for her in some way, but this bad? There had to be more to it.

Dropping Luffy to his place the two brothers said goodbye, but before leaving the car Luffy turned to Ace. “Should we check on her?” The tone of his voice was filled with concern, after all you were his friend, and Luffy treated his friends like family.

“Luffy…” Ace signed deeply before continuing. “I have no rights to do such thing, but you can. After all she is a friend of yours, isn’t she?”

“She was your friend, too.” Ace didn’t need this painful reminder. “More than this even.”

“Luffy, enough.” Ace’s voice was warning; his little brother was pushing his buttons.

Getting out of the car, Luffy leaned on the open door. “Just reach out to her, Ace. This might be your chance to do something right with this girl for once.” Without waiting for a response from Ace, Luffy slammed the door and made his way to his apartment.

Getting home, Ace couldn’t get his little brother’s words out of his mind. Luffy was right, to a certain extent. Last time you made it clear – you wanted nothing to do with him. But tonight… tonight you were the one who approached him. You were the one who engaged the conversation.

There wasn’t a single trace of the angry, hurt by him girl. Instead, there was this shell of a person who had been shattered by something. You were hurt, but not heartbroken hurt… did someone hurt you? There was something in the way you looked tonight that reminded him of something, but he couldn’t point out what it was exactly.

Pacing back and forth around his apartment Ace didn’t know what to do. He wanted to reach out but how? He couldn’t think of anything.

He grabbed and put down his phone many times. Should he text or call you? He doubted you would answer either way. Hell, you probably had his number blocked, he wouldn’t be surprised. He deserved it after all.

But why did you stop and speak with him tonight?

“Come on, coward.” Running his hand through his messy dark locks he pulled on it. “Think. Just think.”

Maybe this was the problem. He was thinking too much. Maybe he just needed to try whatever came into his mind first and just do it.

Grabbing his phone one more time he opened it and scrolled to your name in his contacts list. Opening the messages he looked at the last one exchanged between you two. If only he could turn back time.

He typed. And typed. And deleted. And typed. And deleted. And nothing felt right. Finally, he got frustrated with himself and wrote the only logical sentence that made sense in his mind. ‘Did you get home?’

Throwing the phone on the side after pressing sent Ace didn’t want to look at it. The chances of you responding were zero. Why would you? He was sure he was a closed chapter in your life. There was no way you could be still keen on him the same way he was on you.

He was so stupid. He should have never sent this message. Maybe you haven’t seen it yet and be could unsent it. Reaching for his phone to delete the messages at the same moment it vibrated. His hand froze over the phone. There was no way you would respond. Right?

On the way back home I could stop slapping myself mentally in the head. What had gotten into me? Why did I stop to speak with him? What was wrong with me?

Walking into my apartment I threw my bag to the side and went to the bathroom immediately. Taking my clothes off, putting my hair to the side, I turned the shower on and let the water fall on my body. The warm water wasn’t helping to relax my body at all.

I would be lying to myself if I said that it wasn’t nice to speak with Ace again. Even if the conversation was awkward and very uncomfortable. It could have always been worse. We already had way worse conversations than this one.

Tonight, there was something different about him. He was somehow changed, and it wasn’t just his appearance. Something had happened to him, but what was it? Maybe I can ask Nami sometimes and she might know something. 

But it didn’t matter. Ace was a closed chapter in my life. An unfinished closed chapter. I was over him and I shouldn’t allow my mind to wander around the memories of him.

Getting out of the shower I took my makeup off and started applying a new one. I had decided to go to this club these two girls told me about. Fuck Kid and his concerns. What was the worst thing that could happen? Someone spiking my drink? It had happened once, I didn’t plan for it to happen twice as I would only go to see the place, dance for a bit and then go home. Nothing too crazy.

I heard my phone vibrate, but I ignored it as I was looking for something to put on. It should be already after midnight and tomorrow I must be at school for a lighting exercise which should start at nine, which means that if I would get home around four or five in the morning, I should have around three hours of sleep left before I leave for school.

Finally, picking up what to wear, just a top with some skirt, I quickly put it on. I went to the fridge and took a new cold energy drink, now there was no Kid or Shanks to bother me so I could drink it at peace. Taking a big sip of it, I left it on the kitchen counter and went to grab my bag to look for my phone. Pulling it out, I gasped.

I was not sure how many times I had reread the message. “Did you get home…” I read out loud to myself.

I never blocked his number. There was always this hope within me that one day he would reach out again, but this hope died long time ago and after that I just forgot to block him.

Swiping on the screen to unlock the phone I opened the message. I could just leave it as it was and not respond at all. Instead, I answer, short and clear – ‘Yes. :)’

“Don’t read too much into it (Y/N)!” I scolded myself.

Leaving the phone on the side I walked into the bathroom to take one last look at myself, and I sighed. To be honest, I couldn’t recognize myself. No wonder I get people asking me all the time if I was alright. Going out at almost one in the morning? By myself? To meet with some strangers who took drugs in the toilets of a random club?

I wondered if she started that way too. Maybe she also had a shitty mother who abandoned her, so she took comfort in the illusion created by the drug she used.

Walking back into the room I sat on the couch. I had two options: first one – take off my makeup, put on some movie and try to sleep; second one – go out and hope nothing bad happens and have a good time.

I was trying to create this new persona, new me. A happy outgoing spontaneous girl, because no one would like the old more closed off person I was. My past was the best example of it. Was going out a bad idea? Definitely, but I must do it, if I want to keep living as the ‘new’ me.  

Getting up from the couch I made my way to the hallway, put my shoes on and was ready to leave when I realized I left my phone somewhere around the kitchen counter. It took me less than a few seconds to find it. Checking to see if I had everything with me, I opened the door and just as I was about to step outside my phone vibrated in my hand.

‘Don’t want to bother u. Just checking if u got home safe.’

One hand was holding a strong grip on the phone, the other on the door handle. I could ignore the message and just go with my night. I should ignore this message. I must ignore this message. I was over him. He didn’t matter at all to me anymore. I never mattered to him. So why would he care if I was safe or not?

The memories of him and I at Sanji’s party came into my mind. I did wonder a few times what it would have been like if I said yes that night to his offer of a new beginning for us. Did he mean as friends or more than this? What if I had let him in again? Would things have been better? What if I had said yes that night, I might have also said yes to her, and she would have been still alive? What if… what if…

The pulse in my body drastically increased. I could feel myself gasping for air. Taking a step back and shutting the door I leaned on the wall and slowly fell to the floor. My heart was beating so fast and hard to a point I could feel it almost ripping off my chest. Taking off the top I had put on, I was left in only my bra and skirt. My skin was burning. My mouth got dry, and I was in desperate need of water.

Crawling to the kitchen while still gasping for air I managed to reach the sink and slowly get up. Gripping on the countertop I turned the water tap on and let it run before splashing some water on my skin. With a shaking hand I reached for a glass and filled it up with water. Trying my best to calm myself and normalize my breathing I raised the glass to my lips, but because of my shaky hands it how wet it was I dropped it on the floor.

The glass pieces spread across the floor and the water splashed everywhere. This was like a final straw for everything I was holding. Collapsing on the floor on my knees and hands, an agonizing cry left my lips. Some of the glass pieces stuck to the palms of my hands and now there were drops of blood mixing with the water on the floor.

What if all of this happened just because I turned his suggestion for a new start down? What if I was in a better mindset after it and none of this would have happened? What if I was with him that day and I handled the encounter with her better? What if we were still friends but I still managed to withhold my anger? What if I never confessed my feelings to him? What if… What if…

My mind was spiraling. There was a new what if after the new what if. I needed air. I needed to also stop the blood coming from the palms of my hands and remove the glass pieces stuck on them, and clean the floor, and I must… I must do so many things, but my mind was in a fog.  

Getting up on my feet, stepping on the broken pieces with my shoes on and still shaking I slowly made my way to the front door. I couldn’t prosses what I was doing or going. I wasn’t sure why I was doing it.

Supporting myself with one elbow on the wall I kneeled down to get my phone. With shaky fingers I opened it and dialed the number I should be the least calling. He would probably - no, he would definitely think that I was extremely pathetic. I surely was. But I was also out of my mind right now and apparently tonight was all about the wrong decision so one more would be the end of it.

The phone rang a few times before I heard the painfully familiar low raspy voice of his. “Hello?”

Biting on my lower lip as hard as I could to surpass the sob threatening to leave my lips, I inhaled through my nose and breathed out through my mouth as quietly as possible. “Ace…” I whispered, a single tear falling from the corner of my eye.

I guess I wasn’t the best at hiding as he started shooting a question after the question at me. “Where are you? Are you crying? Are you hurt?” His voice was full of concern. I could hear him moving around before he spoke up again. “Please answer me. I’m on my way to wherever you are, okay?”

“I’m home.” I quietly replied, slowly kneeling and sitting on the cold floor of the hallway.

“Twenty. No, fifteen. No, fuck. Ten minutes and I’m there, you hear me?” Hearing the keys from the other side of the line and the loud shutting of the door, I just hummed. “Doll, please speak to me.” He told me, his voice pleading. “Are you hurt? Why are you crying? Just… fuck.”

I couldn’t focus much on what he was telling me as I was too focused looking at my bleeding hands. It wasn’t much blood, there were three small pieces of glass in my right hand and just one on my left, but it didn’t hurt, or I just couldn’t feel it right now. I slowly picked them out one by one.

“I’m… I’m not hurt Ace.” I was extremely hurt, emotionally, not physically. “The door code is the same. Drive safe, please.” My voice was quite low, almost above a whisper.

“Don’t cut off the line, stay with me.” He told me more calmly now. “I just got in the car, and I need ten minutes to get to your place, okay?”

“Okay.” I whispered. “Did I wake you up?”

“No, no you didn’t.” Not only did his voice get calmer, but it also got softer.

“What were you doing?”

“Was watching a movie.”

“Which one?”

“You gonna make fun of me.” He softly chuckled.

Clicking with my tongue I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “No, I won’t.”

“I’ll tell you when I come.”

“Okay.”

“Tell me about the movie you directed, yea?” I could tell he was trying to distract me from whatever was going on in my head and I let him.

“Which one?”

“The one you filmed at the end of… March I think it was?”

“Oh, that one.” I murmured. “How do you know when we filmed it?”

“Usopp.”

“Yea, that makes sense.” I softly chuckled.

I was tired. Not physically, but mentally. But I still told him about how it went, and by the time I was done he was already parking outside and making his way up.

“I’ll see you in a few seconds, doll.” He told me before cutting the line.

This was my cue to get up and unlock the door. Getting up on my feet my heart once again started beating faster as I knew that just seconds from now, he would be standing right here in front of me and seeing how much of a mess I was. At the same time as the doorbell rang, I reached for the handle. Taking a deep breath in, I pressed it down and opened the door. And there he was.

Standing in front of me at two in the morning, my prince in shining armor. What a cliché.

Clearing his throat, Ace looked away a bit uncomfortable. “Uhm… doll.” He said, glancing back at me.

“Yes, sorry. Come in.” Shaking my head I realized that I should move to let him in. 

“I’ll, but… um… You’re kind of half naked.”

Looking down at myself I noticed that I was only wearing my bra and skirt. I forgot the fact that I was fighting for breath and took off my top. “Oh.” I exclaimed calmly. “Sorry, totally forgot this part.” Mumbling to myself, I walked to where I threw off the top, giving him more space to come in. Putting it on me, I turned to him. “So, um… you see the apartment is a bit of a mess.”

Closing the door behind him, Ace turned to me. “Yea… the apartment is.” Ace murmured to himself as you lead the way inside.

END NOTE: Poor Reader :'(... my girl can't catch a break. I hope you wouldn't hate me for the weight drop description, it just felt right to write it this way, so please excuse me. The last part of the chapter has always been in my mind, and it must end this way for what is about to happen next, but no spoilers. Again idk why I struggled so much writing this one and then editing it, but anyway - it is out now, if you are reading this is means you finished it, and you are free to leave your feedback ♡ I always appreciate your likes, comments, reblogs and messages ♡ Love you all a lot, don't hate me too much and take care ♡

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