Another descendants wicked wonderland incorrect quotes
My fav polycule as always (Bridget/Ella/Christopher/Maddox) and later on the wonderland rescue squad, beware some are nswf in both cases
---
Maddox: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.
Charming: Weight loss? Drink water.
Ella: Clear skin? Drink water.
Bridget: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.
---
Charming: about Bridget and Maddox They make a cute couple, huh?
Ella: They certainly are standing next to each other.
---
Ella: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.
Charming: Throw rocks at he.
Maddox: Hot Dogs.
Bridget: Kill him.
Ella: Thanks guys.
---
Charming: Truth or dare?
Bridget: Dare.
Charming: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.
Bridget: Hey Maddox?
Maddox, blushing: Yeah?
Bridget: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Ella.
---
Bridget: I love you.
Ella: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.
Bridget and Ella kiss passionately
Charming, to Maddox: You owe me 20 dollars.
---
Ella: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.
Maddox: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?
Bridget: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.
Charming: Guys.
---
Ella: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
Maddox: No. No, Ella, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Ella calls Bridget. Number five: Charming gets eaten by a shark.
Charming: I’m Charming, and I approve the order of that list.
---
Trying to cheer Bridget after a break up
Maddox: You broke up with Ella for a reason.
Bridget: I know, I know. I’m just so tired of missing her. Tired of wondering why she hasn't called. Why hasen't she called?
Maddox: Maybe because you told her not to.
Bridget: What are you, the Memory Person?
---
And now for a part of the Wonderland rescue squad!
Chloe: You’re a loose cannon, Red.
Red: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Pink: I think you play by your own rules.
Hazel: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.
Chloe: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Red: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Max is a loose cannon.
Max: smashes a chair Aah! You shut your trap, Red!
Hazel: I’d say Max’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing.
Pink: Now I’m just confused. Is Red a loose cannon or not?
Chloe: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.
Red: groans
Max: Aw, man.
---
Red: God, if only someone loved me…
Max: standing behind her with roses
Chloe: holding box of chocolates
Hazel: has balloons and a card
Pink: facepalms This is sad.
---
Red, about Hazel and Chloe: My god, would you two just get a room already?
Chloe: Excuse me, Red?
Red: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?
Hazel: …
Pink: I ship it!
Max: CAN YOU NOT?
---
Hazel: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?
Pink: Schrödinger's boys.
Max: FUCK!
Red: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?
Chloe: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.
Chloe: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.
Hazel: …
Pink: …
Max: …
Red: …
Chloe: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.
---
Chloe: Unfollow me if you think the Earth is flat.
Max: *seriously pretends to be a flat-earther to antagonize the anti-flat-earther.
Pink: *neutral but makes polls to start fights, "Is the Earth flat? Let's discuss!"*
Hazel: not a flat-earther but makes "the Earth may be flat but this ass ain't" jokes for viral tweets.
Red: actual flat-earther.
---
Chloe: I'm going to be an adult in 2 years and I only have a vague idea of what I'm going to do.
Max: I’m gonna be an adult in less than a year and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
Red: I'm with you there…
Hazel: I'm an adult and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
Pink: Three types of people.
---
Chloe: visiting the squad Hello, I just came to-
Chloe: sees Red shoving Pink into the washing machine while Max records and Hazel watches
Chloe: retreating Something suddenly came up.
---
Red: Time for plan G.
Chloe: Don’t you mean plan B?
Red: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Pink: What about plan D?
Red: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Hazel: What about plan E?
Red: I’m hoping not to use it. Max dies in plan E.
Max: I like plan E.
---
Max: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food!
Pink: You can eat a rock.
Red: Air.
Chloe: The fabric of time and space.
Hazel: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.
Max: You guys are not helpful.
---
Pink: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Max: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Red: Three of us saw it, Max. How do you explain that?
Max: points at Hazel Sleep deprivation. points at Red Paranoia. points at Chloe Delusional personality disorder.
---
Max: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple…
Hazel: I really care about your feelings!
Pink: I really care about YOUR feelings!
Max, turning his head: …and then there's the disaster couple…
Red: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!
Chloe: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!
---
Chloe: Mice are having sex in my walls.
Pink: Tattletale!
Hazel: You're just being ungrateful.
Max: It's their home too, you know.
Red: So what? Don't slutshame them.
Chloe: The mice are fucking AND now I'm getting heckled.
(even funnier if you remember that considering Ella could talk to mices, Chloe probably can too)
---
Pink: Hey, what have you two been doing?
Max: we were helping Chloe with their wedding vows and we were kicked out of their house for making it inappropriate.
Hazel: How is “Nice ass, Red” inappropriate?
---
Chloe: There's no meeting today because Max is at the police station.
Pink: He's in jail?!
Hazel: We have to get him out!
Red: Jailbreak! I'm in!
Hazel: I'll dress up and distract the guard!
Pink: Ooh, I'll bake some food to help distract ALL the guards!
Red: I guess I could bring my frying pan in case we need a shield to keep us from being shot-
Chloe: No! Max wasn't arrested! He's undercover, taking the system down from the inside. He doesn't need our help!
---
Red: You know what I learned from my friendship with Chloe?
Pink: There’s no such thing as too mean?
Hazel: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?
Max: Always hold a grudge?
---
Hazel: All right, y'all! Let's take a vote!
Max: A secret vote. Everyone close your eyes.
the Squad closes their eyes
Chloe: We don't see the result!
Max: Well, just say your vote out loud.
Red: Won't we recognize each other's voices?
Pink: Hazel has a point.
---
Max: Who the fuck broke the toaster?
Pink: It was Red.
Hazel: It was Red.
Chloe: Red broke it.
Red:
Red: …yOU PROMISED-
---
Red, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—
Max: A loving family.
Hazel: A better love life.
Pink: Mental stability.
Chloe: clueless Bagels?
---
The Squad's cooking skills
Pink: master chef
Chloe: knows a few recipes
Red: can follow instructions on a box
Hazel: made toast once
Max: banned from the kitchen
---
Chloe: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-
Chloe, to Red: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.
Hazel, to Max: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.
Pink: There are two types of people.
---
Red: Hey, how did my phone break?
Hazel: You were drunk yesterday.
Red: And?
Pink: You threw it.
Red: Why?
Chloe: You turned on airplane mode and kept screaming “FLY DAMN YOU!”
Red: And why didn’t you stop me?!
Max: We were busy laughing our asses off.
---
Red: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Chloe and I are dating.
Chloe, Hazel, Pink, and Max: gasp
Red: Chloe, why are you surprised?!
---
Pink: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went… OK.
Max: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.
Pink: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.
Chloe I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.
Red: Looks like someone's a HO.
Max: NaBrO.
Hazel: I'm done with all of you!
---
Chloe: Anyone d-
Hazel: Depressed?
Pink: Drained?
Red: Dumb?
Max: Disliked?
Chloe: -done with their work… what is wrong with you people…
---
Hazel: Red, I know you snuck out to see Chloe last night.
Red: If you tell Pink or Max, I swear I’ll murder you, and they’ll never find the body.
Hazel: Five bucks?
Red: Fine.
---
The gang's thoughts on stabbing
Pink: Would never stab anyone.
Nice!Chloe: Would stab someone in retaliation.
Red: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.
Hazel: Would stab without warning.
Evil!Chloe: Would stab as a warning.
(have you guys seen Evil!Chloe and her dagger?? If descendants wasn't kid friendly she would have definitely stabbed someone)
---
the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered
Evil!Chloe: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?
Hazel: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.
Max: What about Pink? Nobody ever suspects Pink!
Pink: Well what about Red? She has a gun!
Red: Chloe has a knife.
Evil!Chloe: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! stabs Max in the arm
---
Pink: Good morning.
Red: Good morning.
Chloe: Good morning.
Hazel: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Max: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!
---
Hazel: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water??
Chloe: Y- you were putting it in cold water??
Red: Hazel. Answer the question, Hazel.
Hazel: Yeah??? I thought people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. didn't realize there was an actual reason.
Hazel: Plus you think I have the patience to boil water?
Max: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes??
Red: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it?
Max: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?
Red: It takes less than a minute.
Max: Is your stovetop powered by the fucking sun???
Red: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove?
Max: Like seven minutes??
Chloe: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes… less than that if you use a saucepan!
Red: Why are you putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? Chloe? Your stove is enchanted!
Hazel: Every single person here is a fucking lunatic.
Pink: Do none of you own a fucking kettle?!
---
Chloe: Red is late again.
Hazel: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Max: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Pink: I set their clock to say PM when it’s really AM.
Chloe: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
Red bursts through the door
Red: WHAT TIME IS IT?
---
Chloe: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?
Max: Why?
Chloe: Hazel fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.
Pink: Red doesn't know how to banish spirits, so she just threw salt at them and yelled "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"
---
Hazel: What makes you all smile?
Pink: Friends and Family.
Max: Snacks.
Chloe: Victory and success.
Red: Face muscles.
---
Pink: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Hazel: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Max: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Red: I joined you in the dumb stuff.
Chloe: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!
---
Pink: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?
Chloe: IT.
Hazel: Annabelle.
Red: Paranormal Activity.
Max: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.
---
Max: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Hazel: 'Prettiest Smile'
Pink: 'Nicest Personality'
Red: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Chloe: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
---
Hazel: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Max: Which came first, the orange or the orange?
Chloe: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.
Red: What was the color called before then?
Pink: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!
---
Pink: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Max: Several traffic violations.
Hazel: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Chloe: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Red: Also, that’s not our car.
---
Pink: What do rainbows mean to you?
Red: Gay rights.
Hazel: There's money.
Chloe: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.
Max: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.
(Out of all of the characters, I feel like if one of them was a christian, it would be Chloe, even across other HK, she just has the vibe you know? at least at first)
---
Red: What's the worst thing you guys have done?
Pink: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.
Max: I kicked Chloe in the shin-
Chloe: -So I kicked Max between the legs.
Hazel: I burned a town down.
Red: What?!
Chloe: What the hell is wrong with you?!?
Hazel: A lot of things.
Max: No shit.
---
Chloe: Uh, Red? Pink is in the pool and I don't think she's waterproof.
Red: What?
Hazel: I think she meant, Pink is drowning.
Red: WHAT?!
Meanwhile
Pink: is drowning
Max: OH MY GOD, Pink! KEEP SWIMMING!
Pink: I can't swim, dumbass— sinks
Max: PINK!
---
Red: A mouse!
Hazel, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.
Max, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!
Chloe, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.
Pink, gasping: It's Ratatouille!
Luìs: His name is Remi, dummy.
Red: …I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window… what is wrong with you people.
---
Squad reactions to being called straight:
Red: The fuck, no I'm not.
Hazel: Excuse the hell out of you?
Chloe: Ding dong, you are wrong!
Pink: Who told you that? And why did they lie?
Luìs: Rude.
Max: punches the person
---
Luìs: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Pink: What if it bites me and it dies?!
Luìs: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Pink, learn to listen.
Max: What if it bites itself and I die?
Luìs: That's voodoo.
Hazel: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Luìs: That's correlation, not causation.
Red: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Luìs: That's kinky.
Chloe: Oh my god.
---
Pink: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?
Chloe: Sex.
Hazel: Seriously, answer faster.
Chloe: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.
Hazel: It’s like a giant hug.
Pink: Max, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?
Max: Food.
Pink: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?
Max: Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.
Luìs: What about you Red? What would you give up sex or food?
Red: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.
Luìs: No, you gotta pick one.
Red: Um, food… no, sex… no, food… sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want hot people on bread!
---
after the Squad has been separated for a few years
Hazel: So what have you been up to recently?
Max: Leading a revolution with Luìs.
Hazel: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.
Max: nods Oh, how cool! That's awesome!
Hazel: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Red?
Max: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Chloe?
Hazel: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break her out later. Pink?
Max: Cult leader.
Hazel: Yeah, that sounds about right.
---
Hazel: Fine! Judge all you want but…
Hazel, points at Max: Married a lesbian. (Chloe)
Hazel, points at Pink: Left a man at the altar.
Hazel, points at Luìs: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer. (Max)
Hazel, points at Chloe: Threw a man’s wooden leg in a fire. (James Hook leg)
Hazel, points at Red: Lives in a box!
---
Luìs: Just be yourself.
Red: Really? Luìs, I have one day to win over Chloe’s parents.
Red: How long did it take for you guys to like me?
Pink: Couple of weeks.
Hazel: Six months.
Max: Jury’s still out.
Red: See Luìs? ‘Just be yourself,’ what kind of garbage advice is that?!
---
Red, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Chloe: Hey.
Max: Hi.
Hazel: Hello.
Luìs: Hey!
Red: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Pink: We were out of Doritos.
---
Red: From now on we will be using code names.
Red: You can address me as Eagle One.
Red: Luìs is “been there done that”.
Red: Chloe is “currently doing that”.
Red: Hazel is “it happened once in a dream”.
Red: Max is “if I had to pick a Wonderlandian”.
Red: And Pink is..
Red: Eagle Two
Pink: Oh thank god.
---
Max: We’re kind of missing something guys.
Hazel: Cohesion?
Chloe: Teamwork?
Pink: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Red: And Luìs is not here.
Hazel: Oh, and that, yeah.
---
Luìs: Bye Max! Bye Hazel! Bye Pink! Bye Red! Bye Max!
Chloe: You said ‘bye Max’ twice.
Luìs: I like Max.
---
Hazel: Make her pussy wet not her eyes.
Red: Make his dick hard not his life.
Chloe: Break her bed not her heart.
Felix Play with her boobs not her feelings.
Luìs: Get on his dick not his nerves.
Max: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.
---
Max: I put the pun in punishment.
Chloe: I put the top in unstoppable.
Pink: I put the cute in execute.
Hazel: I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Luìs: I put the ass in class.
Red: I put the D in Max.
---
Luìs: How much you wanna bet Chloe got a Lap dance from Red?
Hazel: If that happened, Max can drink free tonight.
Max: As much as I love the thought of having free drinks I don't like the idea of Chloe receiving a Lap dance from someone other than me.
Luìs: Hey Red, did you give Chloe a lap dance?
Red: So what if I did?
Luìs, to Hazel: I guess Max is drinking free tonight.
Red: Be right back, I'm gonna go cry-
Chloe, entering the room: What the f-
---
Chloe: I’ll speak French between your legs~
Hazel: HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER BEEN TOLD-
Max, containing their laughter: I can just imagine someone saying ‘bonjour’ to a penis-
Felix: BONJOUR MADEMOISELLE VAGINA, HON HON TITTY CROISSANT!
Luìs: Titty croissant!?
Red: None of you should ever be having sex-
---
Chloe: Hazel kissed me!
Luìs: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Chloe: It was unbelievable!
Luìs: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Pink: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Luìs, get the wine and unplug the phone. Chloe, does this end well or do we need tissues?
Chloe: Oh, it ended very well.
Luìs: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Pink: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?
Chloe: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
Pink: Ohh… So, okay, was sheholding you? Or were her hands on your back?
Chloe: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
Luìs and Pink: Ohhh.
meanwhile
Hazel eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed her.
Red: Tongue?
Hazel: Yeah.
Max: Cool.
---
Hazel: So, Chloe is late today. Anyone wanna bet why?
Hazel: I say she slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man.
Max: I don't know about that…I think either her alarm clock didn't go off, or she's in line at the bank.
Red: Take this more seriously! Chloe was clearly taken in her sleep!
Pink: I bet she tucked herself into the bed too tightly and got stuck.
Luìs: Maybe she fell into another dimension where she's more interesting…?
Chloe arrives
Chloe: Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank.
Max, clapping their hands in excitement: HOT DAMN!
---
Red, at Chloe: You're my significant other.
Chloe: Yeah I am!
Red, at Pink: You're my child.
Pink Yes boss.
Red, at Hazel: You're my bitch.
Hazel: Yeah I am- wait, what?
Red, at Max: My bestie.
Max: Naturally.
Red at Luìs: HA, GAY!
Luìs: Fuck you.
---
Red: If I fall…
Chloe: I’ll be there to catch you.
Max: looks at Luìs What if I fall?
Luìs: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.
Robbie: watches these two interactions
Robbie, to Felix: And if I fall?
Felix: I’ll be the one who pushed you.
---
Chloe: My mom is calling… hi mom.
Hazel: Come on guys, stop. She's trying to talk to their mom.
Max: loud fake sexual noises
Red: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Luìs: is asleep
Pink: gets really close to the phone Tell her I said hi.
---
Hazel: If we’re in trouble, just throw the twins at the problem, and hope for the best.
---
Robbie, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.
Chloe: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.
---
Max: I’m Max. I’m an accountant.
Chloe: I’m Chloe. I have a knife.
---
Chloe: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.
---
Pink: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.
---
Squeaky: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Pink's birthday invitations.
Squirmy: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Squeaky: "Pink's birthday".
Squirmy: So, what do they say instead?
Squeaky: "Pink’s bi".
Squirmy:
Squirmy: Works out either way.
---
Squirmy: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-
Hazel: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!
---
Hazel: We should normalize not loving family members.
Chloe: You can just say: “I hate my dumb fuck brother” or whatever. Talk like a normal person!
---
Robbie: I hate you sometimes.
Felix: Well according to this picture Squirmy drew of us holding hands that's not true.
Robbie: Felix, you drew that.
Felix: It doesn't matter.
---
Pink: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.
Squeaky: Uh, Luìs and Hazel are not getting along.
Pink: They’re not trying to kill each other.
Squeaky: You may have a point.
---
Red: They made Pink cry!
Luìs: Pink always cries!
Pink: That's not true! cries
---
Luìs: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind.
Chloe: Thank god.
---
Luìs: casually taking four stairs at a time
Max, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-
---
Red: Go fuck yourself.
Chloe: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!
---
Max: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why.
Pink: Only if you also don't ask why.
Pink: pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag
Max: …
Max, grabbing a skull: This one will do.
---
Squeaky: Hugs Max from behind
Squeaky: Tucks Max's hair behind their ear
Squeaky, whispering: Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and they'll never find your body.
---
Pink: I need life advice.
Hazel, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.
---
Robbie: Hey, Felix! Do you wanna go celebrate with me?
Felix: Robbie, you know I can't be seen in public with you.
Robbie: Okay, a simple "no" would be fine.
---
Hazel: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Felix: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Hazel: Absolutely not.
---
Bridget in the 'beyond the isle of the lost' book
Bridget: Red, where’s your report card?
Red: My friends stole it from me at school, so now I don’t have it anymore.
Bridget: Do you think I’m stupid enough to believe that lie?
Red: What lie?
Bridget: That you have friends.
---
Red: Know why I called you in here?
Chloe: Because I accidentally sent you a nude pic.
Red: Stops pouring two glasses of wine. Accidentally?
---
Max: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Chloe recently.
Red: No, Max, it's not what it looks like, I swear.
Max: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?
Red: No! You’re the only one for me.
Max: Is that so?
Red: I promise! Chloe and I are just dating, okay? She's my girlfriend.
Max: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Red: You are still my one and only best friend! She's just the love of my life, nothing more!
Max: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?
Red: Of course bro!
Max: Bro…
Chloe: What the-
---
Luìs: May luck (and this picture of Hazel eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you.
---
Hazel: I'll offer you some friendly advice-
Max: I don't want your advice.
Hazel: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.
---
Robbie: We both look very handsome tonight.
Felix: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Robbie: I couldn't take that chance.
---
Pink: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Pink is such a nice person, Pink is so happy-go-lucky! Pink can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Pink CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Pink IS be in a bad mood.
---
Squirmy, looking over Robbie’s shoulder: You can draw?
Robbie, stopping what they were doing: You can speak?
---
Red: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.
The Squad: Awwww-
Red: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."
The Squad: Oh.
---
Felix: How would you like your coffee?
Pink: As dark as my soul.
Felix: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!
---
Red: I’m 80% awesome 20% water and 100% handsome.
Robbie: That’s 200%.
Red: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.
---
Felix: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-
Robbie: You sleep with a teddybear.
Felix: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!
---
Max: I just found out from Squeaky today that when Red faked her death and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Squirmy said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”
---
Luìs: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Red: Tickling Roses, why?
Luìs:
Red: Were you going to get me flowers?
Luìs:
Red:
Luìs: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
---
Chloe: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Squirmy: I think you mean cards.
Max: They did not.
Chloe, pulling out knives: I did not.
---
Max: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?
Pink: sighing Red.
Red: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.
Hazel: wiping away a tear So inspirational.
---
Max: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Squeaky: And?
Max: And you are.
---
Squeaky, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.
Pink: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?
Squeaky: I absolutely fucking do not.
---
Hazel: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Chloe: wHat?
Hazel: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Chloe: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?
---
Chloe: I love murder mysteries!
Hazel, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.
---
Red: Is it still visible? Where Chloe slapped me?
Squirmy: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.
Felix: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.
Squeaky: A palm reader could tell Chloe's future by looking at your face.
Hazel: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.
Red: …A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.
---
Luìs: Why do you look like that?
Chloe, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?
Luìs: Like you’re dead.
Chloe: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.
Squirmy: Chloe accidentally called Hazel “babe” in front of everyone today.
Chloe: sobs into the floor
---
Chloe: That's ridiculous, Red doesn't have a crush on me.
Robbie: Yes she does.
Hazel: Yes she does.
Red: Yes I do.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I put too much for one post
