VEGGIETALES parody: “Vegemorph”
Archibald Asparagus- Dr. Jonathan Chase
Annie Onion- Teresa Chase
Larry the Cucumber/Larry-Boy- Nightman
Chief Scallion- Jack The Ripper
BOB: Hey, kids, welcome to Veggietales! I’m Bob the Tomato!
LARRY: And I’m Larry the Cucumber!
BOB: And we’re here to help! *pulls out letter*
LARRY: Hey, Bob, what’ve you got there?
BOB: We got a letter here from a girl named Jennifer
LARRY: Didn’t we already get a letter from her last week concerning her friend Allison? They had trouble getting along?
BOB: That’s not really important right now.
LARRY: It sure seems a lot goes around NJ.
BOB: Larry, I think you mean “happens around.” LARRY: Sorry.
BOB: No need to apologize. We don’t always say what we mean.
LARRY: Yeah, I know. What’s going on here? BOB: She’s writing about her Dad. She says she loves him dearly, but doesn’t always see eye-to-eye with him about certain issues. Shortly after being rejected by Allison, they had a squabble about, well...
LARRY: About what? BOB: She doesn’t want to talk about it.
ARCHIBALD: *offscreen* Well, surely I can be of assistance here!
LARRY: Who’s that?
BOB: Sounds like Archibald to me. LARRY: Archie?
BOB: Yes, Larry, he does these things. Let me go see what he’s up to-
*Bob bounces up to look for ARCHIBALD.*
ARCHIBALD: *coming up to the tabletop* Yes, it’s me Archibald, your friendly neighborhood asparagus. This young lady is having problems with her father, I presume? BOB: Well...yeah.
ARCHIBALD: Well, I’ve heard of him. Quite fond of his work!
BOB: Wha-?
ARCHIBALD: How can I resist a man who makes a living studying about my culture? Now, I have a little something they might be interested in.
BOB: What is it?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, just a little something we Gen-Xer’s are fond of.
LARRY: Gen- what- errss?
BOB: Is it Monty Python?
ARCHIBALD: No, this one is a tad more obscure. Couldn’t last one season, ha! It featured a vegetable who could turn into plants to fight crime. Now, that’s not quite how I remember it-
BOB: I see. Now, can we PLEASE roll the show?
ARCHIBALD: Well, if you insist. Roll film!
*Show begins with a scene reading “Vegemorph,” then abruptly cuts to CHIEF SCALLION terrorizes a defenseless young leak. In a fit of fury, ARCHIBALD transforms into a series of vines- accepting defeat, CHIEF SCALLION immediately leaves the scene. Dusting himself off, ARCHIBALD transforms back into his normal self.*
ARCHIBALD: Ah! What a night. And to think I almost missed my daughter Jessica’s graduation.
*The scene abruptly cuts to Jessica-as-Annie’s graduation. She’s trying to enjoy herself, but looks apprehensive as she notices the abscence of her father. The film focuses on LARRY, who is videotaping the whole scene.*
LARRY: So here we have my friend Jessica, ready to graduate from a school with monkey bars- AHHH!
*Suddenly, LARRY trips and falls, bringing down the video camera with him. The other vegetables say nothing, but merely look in disgust, including ANNIE.*
ANNIE: This never would’ve happened if Dad was here.
*Suddenly, Annie pulls out her flip phone to call her father, which immediately goes to voicemail, much to her annoyance.*
ARCHIBALD: Hello, it’s me Jonathan. Please leave a message after the *BEEP.*
ANNIE: Dad, where are you right now? This is my graduation, and you’re missing it! *Scene cuts to a proud-looking Archibald in the city, when suddenly, his phone goes off.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear, it looks as though my cellular device has gone off. Hope I haven’t missed anything too important!
*Scene cuts to ARCHIBALD checking out his cell phone, when suddenly, his daughter’s angry voicemail starts playing.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear. It looks as though I’ve missed my daughter’s graduation. Perhaps I could use this crystal to teleport myself there-
*Suddenly, LARRY THE CUCUMBER comes onto the scene.*
LARRY: What’s that you got there?
ARCHIBALD: Um, who are you, if I may ask?
LARRY: Oh, me? Don’t you remember me? I’m Larryboy. If you don’t recognize me, it’s because I’ve made a few modifications to my suit.
ARCHIBALD: Pardon? LARRY: I’ve made a few modifications so that I can tune into the frequency of evil. That means I can hear evil thoughts.
ARCHIBALD: I see. How did you come into possession of this? And how might you use this for the good of the world?
LARRY: First off, it’s a long story. Second of all, you see that seemingly normal guy over there?
*LARRY points at CHIEF SCALLION, who has a seemingly nonchalant look on his face.*
ARCHIBALD: You’re a vegetable, you can’t point. I can’t see what you’re doing.
LARRY: Oh, sorry. Well, as it turns out, he’s rotten to the core. Just like the Bad Apple!
ARCHIBALD: Yes, I’m well aware of that. Got into an entanglement with him earlier.
LARRY: Oh, okay then.
ARCHIBALD: Very well then. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve missed one of my daughter’s engagements. I’m sure she’s very disappointed in me right now.
LARRY: Yeah, I was just there, trying to film it.
ARCHIBALD: You- what? But how on earth can you be in two places at once? LARRY: I’m Larryboy, I can do these things, okay?
ARCHIBALD: I see. Well, I better get going. Toodle-oo!
*LARRY says nothing, but merely looks at him, flabbergasted. Film cuts to a gymnasium, empty except for ARCHIBALD and ANNIE, the latter has a disgusted look on her face.
ARCHIBALD: Why, hello there, my dear.
ANNIE: You really should’ve been there, Dad.
ARCHIBALD: Now, Jessica, you know your father loves you and wants to be there for you, it’s just that his work makes it quite daunting for him to be there at the time.
ANNIE: Dad, it was my elementary school graduation. I’m not a little girl anymore, you should know that.
ARCHIBALD: Yes, sweetheart, but-
ANNIE: We should talk about this at home.
*Scene cuts to ANNIE and ARCHIBALD riding in the car, giving each other the silent treatment, then abruptly at ARCHIBALD’s mansion.*
ANNIE: Dad.
ARCHIBALD: Yes?
ANNIE: We need to talk.
ARCHIBALD: Well, okay then. What might be troubling you?
ANNIE: It seems as though your work has always infringed upon my life and made things worse for me.
ARCHIBALD: Look, sweetheart, if ever my work has troubled you, I’m sorry. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to attend to-
*ANNIE pulls a blanket over her head, and abruptly goes to sleep.*
ANNIE: Good-night, Dad.
*ARCHIBALD closes the door with a slight smile on his face.*
ARCHIBALD: Goodnight, darling. I love you dearly. My, she’s such a lovely girl.
*ARCHIBALD then leaves the scene to talk to LARRY, who is sitting on the couch.*
ARCHIBALD: Ah! I can’t believe I’ve forgotten about my guests. Yes, please make yourself at home.
LARRY: Now, about these cool powers- where’d you get them?
ARCHIBALD: Funny you should ask. Throughout my studies, I’ve become enamoured with the connection between vegetable and plant, and transformed myself into a specimen powerful enough to transcend those barriers, through a little secret I have here.
LARRY: Oh, cool! Can I look?
ARCHIBALD: I’m afraid this book contains secrets vegetable was not meant to know.
LARRY: But...you know about this.
ARCHIBALD: That’s not the point. The point is, throughout my studies, I’ve attempted to change the outcome of-
LARRY: Outcome of what?
ARCHIBALD: You didn’t let me finish my sentence.
LARRY: Oh sorry.
ARCHIBALD: That’s quite alright. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. In my attempts to bend history I’ve unleased a huge monster in the middle of history!
LARRY: He looks pretty normal-sized to.
ARCHIBALD: I meant that metaphorically-speaking.
LARRY: Isn’t there going to be a part where he transforms into a huge monster?
ARCHIBALD: Very funny.
*Suddenly, ANNIE comes downstairs.*
ANNIE: What’s going on here?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, don’t mind me. Just talking with a friend.
ANNIE: It sounds like you’re doing more than just talking with a friend.
ARCHIBALD: Well then it is, isn’t it? In that case, it’s time for you to go to bed...the sun has gone to bed and so must you...Goodnight, dear.
LARRY: I don’t mean to pry, but who was that girl you were talking to?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, her? That’s my daughter, Jessica. She’s been quite stingy at times. With evil men following her, who could blame her?
LARRY: Wha-?
ARCHIBALD: Never mind, it’s too elaborate for me to explain it to you.
*Scene cuts to ANNIE looking overheard, ARCHIBALD lurches toward her.*
ARCHIBALD: Now, Jessica, time for bed, there will be plenty of time for this in the morning.
ANNIE: Seriously Dad, can you explain this to me?
ARCHIBALD: I’ll explain in the morning, when you’re older, darling.
ANNIE: *talking behind door* Um...I am older.
ARCHIBALD: Where was I? Oh, yes. In my studies, I ‘ve done plenty of expereimenting, experimenting on plants, experimenting on myself, experimenting on time, etc. etc.
LARRY: I guess I do-
*Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION appears in the window with a devious look on his face. The film cuts to LARRY and ARCHIBALD’s reactions, the former screams.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear.
SCALLION: Why, hello there, Professor. Didn’t expect to see you here with your little friend.
LARRY: Hey, nobody calls me his little friend!
SCALLION: Oh, that’s adorable.
ARCHIBALD: No one calls him that either.
SCALLION: Anyway, you’re probably wondering why someone like me would come out of the blue, unexpected. It’s quite simple, really.
LARRY: That’s funny. My friend Archibald was explaining it to me just now.
SCALLION: Well, perhaps I could re-explain it to you and your little friend-
ARCHIBALD: Now, this is something I’ve warned about before-
SCALLION: I see. Now, if you’ll excuse me-
*Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION leaves the scene, which results in ANNIE screaming. Film cuts to ARCHIBALD’s reaction.
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear. What was that? I heard a noise.
*Scene cuts to ARCHIBALD noticing that ANNIE has been kidnapped by CHIEF SCALLION. In a fit of fury, he starts to transform in a fit of vines to entrap CHIEF SCALLION, while ANNIE looks over a ledge.*
ANNIE: Dad? Where are you, and what’s going on here?
*Scene cuts to CHIEF SCALLION trying to chase ARCHIBALD with a knife.*
SCALLION: Oh, nothing. I’m just trying to stop this beanbag here.
ANNIE: I always knew my dad’s life was weird.
ARCHIBALD: I heard that, sweetheart.
ANNIE: Um...sorry, Dad.
*The film immediately cuts to ARCHIBALD and ANNIE walking to a party.* ANNIE: Can I get a new dress? This one is really annoying and itchy.
ARCHIBALD: Now, Jessica, this is a very important event for your father. Hopefully there aren’t any hooligans running around.
*The film cuts to an Opera Singer singing.*
OPERA SINGER: You don’t know how it feels when you see me there...
Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION appears out of the blue.
CHIEF SCALLION: Her great-grandmother escaped from my clutches. But surely, this one will be ripe for the plucking--
*Suddenly, SCALLION jumps up to kidnap OPERA SINGER, much to the shock of everyone, including ARCHIBALD and ANNIE.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear.
*Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION drops OPERA SINGER and goes to talk to ARCHIBALD.*
CHIEF SCALLION: Why, hello there, Professor. What might you be doing here?
ARCHIBALD: What might you be doing here, dear sir?
CHIEF SCALLION: I snuck into your taxi while you were coming here. Hope you don’t mind.
ARCHIBALD: You did?
CHIEF SCALLION: Yes, I did.
*Scene cuts to ARCHIBALD in his taxi, when suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION jumps out.*
CHIEF SCALLION: Didn’t expect to see me here, didn’t you?
ARCHIBALD: I can tell you exactly where to go.
*Scene cuts to the present day.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh...right.
CHIEF: In any case, thank you for the free lift, Professor!
*CHIEF SCALLION abruptly leaves the scene. The film cuts to ARCHIBALD talking to LARRY.*
LARRY: Your squabble’s that bad?
ARCHIBALD: ‘Fraid so.
LARRY: Why does this guy hate you, anyway? Did you eat all of his cheese puffs or something?
ARCHIBALD: I’m afraid it goes much deeper than that. In that case, we should probably get a move-on- wait, where’s Jessica?
*Scene immediately cuts to ANNIE with CHIEF SCALLION.*
SCALLION: Your daddy can’t hear you now, darling!
LARRY: *offscreen* Oh, but I can.
SCALLION: #1: Pardon?
LARRY: Um...my new superpower lets me tune into the frequency of evil. Not sure why- there isn’t a lot of time to explain here. Just...let me work out the logistics here...
*The scene focuses on LARRY as he tries to focus on SCALLION.*
SCALLION #1: Can we hurry up here? I haven’t all day
LARRY: Neither do I. So, I guess you should probably hand over the girl.
*Suddenly, ARCHIBALD appears next to LARRY.*
ARCHIBALD: You heard him.
SCALLION #1: Yes, I know I’ve got your daughter here, but really what’s the worst that can happen?
LARRY: Oh, are you in for a world for hurt!
ARCHIBALD: I think you mean “of” hurt.
LARRY: No, I mean “for” hurt. You heard me, vine-guy.
ARCHIBALD: Very funny.
LARRY: Now, where was I? Let’s do-
*Suddenly, a big ball of violence appears as ARCHIBALD and LARRY start fighting SCALLION, the former transforming into vines to stop him. Suddenly, ANNIE appears on the scene with a perplexed look on her face. Archibald transforms back into his regular self.*
ARCHIBALD: Why, hello there. Don’t mind your father, he’s got into a bit of an entanglement here?
*ANNIE says nothing, but merely rolls her eyes. The scene cuts to ANNIE walking downstairs to her father’s lab, when suddenly, he appears out of the blue.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh, hello Jessica. Didn’t expect you to find out this way.
ANNIE: Find out what?
ARCHIBALD: Well, did you know how some organisms can change from one form to another?
ANNIE: Yes, Dad, it’s called “shapeshifting.” ARCHIBALD: That’s right, Jessica. Plenty of cultures have legends and stories about such art. Of course, if I’d explain all of them, we’d be here all day!
ANNIE: Okay, why do you care? Can you do that?
ARCHIBALD: Well, it’s quite an interesting story. Throughout my studies, I’ve been studying my roots to see if I could transform back into a plant. Perhaps you could do so, as well?
ANNIE: What?
ARCHIBALD: Why shouldn’t us, the most complicated organisms on the planet, be capable of growing thorns and vines?
ANNIE: I....can kind of see what you’re getting at here?
ARCHIBALD: Lovely! Glad we’re on the same page.
ANNIE: Not really. I’m just lsitening because I have no choice here.
ARCHIBALD: Pardon?
ANNIE: Never mind.
ARCHIBALD: Jessica, darling, because of my experiments, I’m sure you’re more than capable of transforming yourself. Perhaps in a moment of great stress, I’m not sure.
ANNIE: Whatever, Dad.
*Suddenly, SCALLION appears, ANNIE screams in terror.* SCALLION: Hope your father doesn’t mind me kidnapping here-
*ARCHIBALD tries to fight, but fails, SCALLION eventually succeeds in kidnapping him.*
SCALLION: Oh, hello there, ANNIE. Daddy’s here to see you.
*Scene cuts to ANNIE’s reaction.*
SCALLION: Oh, Annie? It’s rude to keep people waiting.*
Suddenly, ANNIE starts transforming into an entanglements of vines to stop SCALLION; the film cuts to him with an annoyed look on his face as she encircles around him.*
ARCHIBALD: You should’ve known better than to mes with the princess of the plant kingdom, or should I say, my own daughter.
SCALLION: Very funny. Now, will you please get me out of this entalgment? It’s really hurting me.
ARCHIBALD: Oh, I’d love to, but since you’ve taken a liking to terrorizing my own friends, I’m afraid I’ll have to revoke your offer.
*SCALLION says nothing, but merely gives him a disgusted look. Suddenly, LARRY apears, flying overheard, when suddenly, he hears ANNIE’s voice.*
ANNIE: You have nothing to hear from us. We are one and the same.
LARRY: Wow, this “evil-detecting sensor” is better than I thought!
ANNIE: Actually, it’s just me, Jessica.
ARCHIBALD: Well, if it isn’t my brave little girl there?
ANNIE: Oh, Dad, it was nothing.
ARCHIBALD: Now, that’s what they all say. But what you did was far more than “Nothing” so to speak.
LARRY: Yeah, you were awesome out there!
*CHIEF SCALLION merely scoffs in disgust.*
ARCHIBALD: So, sweetheart, what do you think? Is your father pretty “cool” after all?
ANNIE: Oh, you Dad!
ARCHIBALD: Tell you what. We’re all going out to eat. It’s on me!
*Suddenly, one of ARCHIBALD’s plants slaps ANNIE. She appears with a look of disgust, then laughs along with everyone else; Film abruptly cuts to countertop.*
LARRY: I don’t get it. What was that supposed to be a parody of, anyway?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, some old show I used to watch on the telly as a young sprout. Not sure why they never reran it- that actor was such a charmer!
BOB: Yeah, I don’t get it.
ARCHIBALD: I heard that! Now, QWERTY, could you please assist us with a Bible quote about the importance of family?
*Suddenly, the screen cuts to QWERTY who supplies the Bible Quote, read by Archibald: "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." EXODUS 2012.”
ARCHIBALD: Absolutely beautiful. Now, Jennifer, I understand that you and your father might not always get along, but I’m sure he loves you dearly and just wants the best for you. Toodle-oo! *ARCHIBALD hops off the screen*
LARRY: I still don’t understand what show that was supposed to be parodying.
BOB: Me neither. Well, in any case, bye Jen! Hope to see you later! LARRY: Yeah, bye, Jen!
THE END @veggieteensofficial
