#chonkli

It’s the Liyue of old, and Rex Lapis still holds explicit reign over the nation. Merchandise in his image have recently been popularised—little things like keyrings, incense holders and the like.

You’re perusing the goods of one such peddler, bored eyes scanning the wares for anything new and exciting. You already have enough stickers, charms, standees and the like; it’s about time for something fresh and fun.

And then you spot it.

Soft-looking and adorable, it’s a stuffed toy fashioned in the image of the Geo Archon’s dragon form, aptly downsized and compressed into a cute marketable version.

Grinning, you pick it up. Aw, even the soft fur seems so real… “This one. I wish to buy this one.”

The vendor takes one look at it and scratches his head. “That one? I don’t remember taking inventory of—oh, never mind. That will be ten thousand mora.”

It’s a hefty sum, but it’s worth it. Shelling out the money with glee, you take the plushie and march on home, giving it a little squeeze. It even makes a faint squeaky sound when you do; how fun! And it’s so warm, too!

You set it on a chair at your table and make a show of bowing to it. And then you gather your other merch and spread it out on the table and prattle on about the kind of tea parties you’ll host with your awesome new plushie.

It’s almost like the plushie blinks in response.

“And since the Geo Lord is oh-so prim and proper, I can finally imagine what it would be like for him to put on a tutu and a tiara…because that’s what I’m about to do to you, little plushie!”

It’s like watching a mountain stir.

A brilliant light emanates from the chair, molten beams of sun that are gone as quickly as they had come. In a cloud of golden mist lies no longer the cute plushie you bought, but a grown man in rich brown robes, flowing hair a similar hue, and golden horns atop his head to match his equally aureate eyes.

Rex fucking Lapis himself sits at your table, embarrassment coloring his regal features. “I would prefer not to be dressed up, my dear.”

If he said something just now, you didn’t hear. Your eyes are wide, your heart is hammering in your throat, and if it were not for the way your mouth is opening and closing, one would think you’d turned to stone.

And then you slowly inch backwards. “What is…what the…I…”

Rex Lapis gets up from the chair, grimacing as it screeches against the floor gratingly, and while he rights it, he extends an arm to you. “Please do not panic. I had not foreseen this outcome, but I mean you no harm-”

“Oh…oh gods…” You stagger back, ashen, until you hit the wall, the beginnings of a meltdown imminent. Your arms are waving frantically, words unable to form themselves on your tongue besides dumbstruck hedging-

The god, for his part, holds out his hands in an attempt to becalm. “I had not intended for it to get this far, but I urge you to remain-” But the dam bursts, and it’s too late now. You wail:

Haven't post much lately, need to finish some commission first.

Chonkli is not happy, to say the least.

“Awww! He looks just like Rex Lapis!” he hears for the umpteenth time as a gaggle of people gather around him and coo at his every move (even his half-hearted attempts at batting them away, which only comes off as cutely pawing the air).

“I know, right? My puppy’s costume is sooo awesome!” You stand there proudly, hands on your hips and a smug grin on your face. It’s obviously not a costume, just Chonkli in his natural glory, but it works so beautifully.

The little creature pads begrudgingly beside you along the crowded alleys and takes every bit of praise and coddling these people have for him (because what other choice does he have? This is to make you happy after all). It’s still frustrating, though, to be stuck like this and pretending he’s just a puppy in cosplay who knows little beyond chasing his own tail.

But it’s after someone graciously offers a little maid dress to elevate the Rex Lapis look that Chonkli has finally decided he’s had enough—and so he bounds away, squeaking, leaving you to chase after him.

“Wait up!” you call out, giggling, and spot the little critter turning the corner into one of the restrooms. You follow him in and immediately frown, whipping around for a glimpse of him in this empty space.

Thud.

Zhongli, in human form again, slams his hands on either side of your head, effectively caging you in. The gleam in his eyes is incandescent; Zhongli doesn’t exactly get angry, but this is as close as it’ll get.

“Have you amused yourself enough, or are you still not sated?”

You pout. “Come on, I thought you’d like the undercover attention. Someone even offered you treats!”

“They were dog treats.”

“Well, what about that cute maid outfit you could’ve had if you’d just-”

“Enough,” he says firmly, leaning even closer. “Or do you wish for me to dress you in frilly garb and parade you around?”

You blush and stare at your feet, feeling Zhongli’s warm breath on your face. “Well, um—I wouldn’t be as cute as you, I think…”

“I believe otherwise. Were I to dress you as such, you would be quite the spectacle.” He pauses for a moment. “Now that I think of it, I ought to do so…privately.” A smile tugs at one corner of his mouth.