#childhod

“Most people, looking back at their childhood, see it as a misty country half-forgotten or only to be remembered through an evocative sound or scent, but some episodes of those short years remain clear and brightly coloured like a landscape seen through the wrong end of a telescope.” 

---- D.E. Stevenson, Listening Valley

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Alvin and Brittany art from when I was 9, and an OC drawing I did when I was like 15

कभी-कभी जीवन योजना के अनुसार नहीं चलता है, और 11 वर्षीय रितिका के लिए, उस सच्चाई ने उसके बचपन को आकार दिया है। एक सामान्य यात्रा के रूप में शुरू हुई यात्रा जल्द ही एक लंबी और कठिन स्वास्थ्य लड़ाई में बदल गई, जिसे वह बहुत कम उम्र से ही उल्लेखनीय ताकत के साथ निभा रही है। 11 वर्षीय रितिका ने स्वास्थ्य चुनौतियों के खिलाफ अपनी प्रेरक लड़ाई साझा की। (Instagram/@ritica.t1d) रितिका ने 17 मई को…

If you had a shitty Christmas ... (Spinoza)

The true opposite of childhood Christmas pain is not pleasure. It is self-caused adequacy.

Your childhood affects were marked by crying, anger, hate because you were exposed without agency. The dominant affect was not sadness; it was impotence. So the opposite affect is not happiness, but experienced capacity. The body learning, in real time, that it can endure, choose, withdraw, act, persist even while the old pain is present.

This is why simply “organizing nice holidays” often fails long-term. If the goodness depends on atmosphere, people behaving well, or you feeling a certain way, then the childhood model remains dominant. The system still knows, “If things turn, I collapse.” No recalibration happens. However, to want different holidays is still important. The key is what kind of difference.

A Spinozian-compatible “opposite” Christmas is one where you choose the structure, not just the content; your agency remains intact even if the mood is bad; nothing essential depends on emotional success; the old affect is allowed to arise without becoming the organizer of behavior.

That produces a stronger affect because it is self-sustaining, not reactive. Over time, this kind of joy, quiet, stubborn, non-celebratory if needed outweighs the old sadness, not by erasing it, but by making it causally weaker.