#chiamaka

The Beginnings 

Fiona + Chiamaka are, essentially, high school sweethearts. While they didn’t date during high school, they hung out a lot and worked on various things together. It helped that they had pretty similar interests + even at the beginning of their friendship, their respective families were already teasing them for their relationship. (You know the: ‘Is she your girlfriend?’, ‘His in love with you, obviously!’ <- that sort of thing)  

One thing to get out of the way is that Fiona was very different in high school. He was not the flamboyant team player he is now. High school Fiona was quiet, intimidating, and stern. He took control of most group projects and almost always sought leadership roles <- he wasn’t really liked because he often crossed the line between ‘strong leader’ to straight up ‘domineering’. None of that was on purpose though and I doubt Fiona was even aware of the majority opinion on him. 

Meanwhile, Chiamaka was sunshine personified. She was nice + persistent + kind + caring + helpful + supportive. And, from the outside looking in, it was a grouch x sunshine romance story. You know, the ray of sunshine slowly worming its way into the grouch’s heart. They looked made for each other with complementing personalities + appearances. It wasn’t that hard to imagine their dynamic stretching into the future with a wedding + children. They really did fill their stereotypical roles well with Chiamaka being the kind mother, the warm half, of Fiona’s masculine domination. <- Caricatures of the ideal marriage, in a sense. 

But their relationship didn’t really start to pick up till college. 

College

Chiamaka + Fiona went to the same college. It was a private college a decent drive away from their hometown and it was very much a blossoming period for Fiona + Chiamaka + their relationship. For them, it was the first time he was really away from his upbringing + family + the first time he’s meeting a really wide variety of opinions. For their relationship, this is the period they begin to really know each other. 

Fiona learns more about queer struggles + identities and, while not identifying himself with anything (<- he really tries not to think too hard about it), he does shift closer to an ally. He’ll defend his gay friends to Chiamaka + sign petitions + attend protests. Chiamaka, for the most part, doesn’t comment much on it but importantly doesn’t say a word of this to his parents. It’s an unspoken thing between them <- fiona gets to explore this new world without fear of repercussion for the first time in his life + what he considered support. (sidenote: this is the period where Fiona adopts the name Fiona. <- prior to this, his given English name was Peter.) 

On Chiamaka’s side, college was a test run for marriage. I’m not entirely too sure how ‘in love’ she was with Fiona but I do know that she’d spent her high school years surrounded by the idea that she was in love with Fiona + marriage was the best possibility for the two of them. Now that they were in the same college + away from external pressure, this was the chance for her to figure out if marriage was really in the cards for the both of them. 

So, she kept his secrets, she cooked for him, they made time to spend with each other + what they discovered surprised and enchanted them. Fiona started to become a little more flamboyant, started wearing a wider range of colors, took interest in her make-up, and took more of a backseat role in their relationship. To be clear, Fiona wasn’t tossing on skirts and wearing lipstick <- but he was branching into blues + greens + oranges (and in general taking better pride in his appearance) rather than the dark blacks + greys + whites he’d grown up with  and he could tell brands apart and knew Chiamaka’s favorites. Chiamaka found that she liked being able to pamper Fiona, liked seeing him dressed up + liked the more natural confidence he had when he was <- this was still heavily policed, though. None of them stepped too far out of their roles. 

For example: Chiamaka pampered him with food. She’d make his favorites, take him out to places and order for him (even if Fiona would pay at the end of the night), and cook with him –leading him around the kitchen in an area of life where she was allowed to dominate. Fiona learned that he really really liked giving gifts + as he came more in touch with different interests, he very much set his eye on buying the best he could for her. They were stereotypically ‘feminine’ gifts (ie necklaces, rings, dresses, makeup kits) but he’d developed quite an eye at picking them out.  

That’s how they fell in love. By being more than their roles, by finding the different shades, by plugging shades and gaps between boundaries where there were none. They both knew, instinctively, that this was something they’d have to keep to themselves. The nuances of their relationship –the truth that traditionally lines were more blurred and fluid than they appeared– was something that they knew wasn’t acceptable in public. 

For Fiona, this was the best he could hope for. Was it everything? No. Absolutely not. But it was a way to live an honorable, respectable life within the constraints of society + family pressures. It was having his cake + eating it too. It was something. 

Chiamaka saw it a bit differently. (Not that Fiona realized that at the time.) For Chiamaka, college was a time to explore. It was four years to get weird deviations out of her system without repercussions. When college was over, she had to settle back down + be ready for weddings + motherhood. And she planned ahead too. Fiona + her could have their fun, inverting + playing around with social roles –but not forever. In the end, they’d have to go back to their respective roles.  

(sidenote: Chiamaka originally came for a biomedical degree before switching to education. Stated reason? To give fiona the choice of a demanding career since she’d be available for their future kids.) 

Of course, the four years came and went + she realized this wasn’t something she could get ‘out of her system’ so the both of them decided, in public, they’d fulfill their social roles + in private they’d continue as they currently did. <- Again, this was not something they actively sat down and talked about, this was mutual understanding of what they were doing. They were on the same page, just different lines. (<- I’d attribute this to their long friendship prior to their romantic relationship) 

It wouldn’t be wrong to call them soulmates at this time. What changed this was their engagement. 

Engagement Period

They were engaged the day they graduated (sidenote: <- this is a retcon, i initially imagined them getting engaged later down the line but i like this better). Literally. Fiona sang the national anthem at the beginning of the ceremony + then got down on one knee + proposed to Chiamaka much to her delight. 

But this also marked the end of their idyllic life. Now, they were back under the social rules that had governed much of their life + this time with a detailed discomfort with it. Needless to say, it was a struggle to re-adjust. Fiona found escape in academia; first working in research and then as a professor. Chiamaka found it easier to adjust. She’d already internalized that college would be a phase and, yes, it turned out to be a little more permanent than she’d wanted but, ultimately, she spent her four years ready to return while Fiona had not. 

And she helped him edge back into the stoicism he grew up in, y’know? When things were too hard, there was always the knowledge that once the both of them were alone, they could slip back into the fluid, real relationship they’d developed together. It’s not really a surprise that Fiona trusted Chiamaka in addition to loving her. There was real and genuine joy in seeing her wearing an engagement ring. There was real adoration during the wedding planning period. For the record, the same could be said for Chiamaka. With Fiona was a side of her that only existed around him, Fiona was a safe place for her. <- The difference was: this is her limit. 

She was still very much raised in a traditional Nigerian household with traditional beliefs. Where Fiona was gallivanting and flirting with queer ideas, Chiamaka was still bound to her family and community. Yes, there was still freedom, but it was a leashed one. She was expected to keep her family in the know, to continue familial bonds and be their eyes and ears in what Fiona was up to. As I said earlier, she took advantage of this position to cover for Fiona. <- She fed just enough info that things were realistic without telling the full extent nor truth of what Fiona was up to. This was a protection but it also meant she was never really free in the same way Fiona was. 

While she had grown, she hadn’t grown as much as Fiona had assumed. <- Notice how much of their relationship was assumed. They don’t talk much about their problems but they tend to be on the same page but “different lines” (<- heh quote from earlier that now makes more sense, i think im very clever). This is where it came to bite them in the ass. 

Fiona assumed Chiamaka was like him: constrained by social pressures and fighting for a haven of respite [in him]. Chiamaka assumed Fiona had simply grown and stretched his beliefs without true change: he was an ally, fine. But in the end, Chiamaka assumed that was something he could drop as easily as he’d ‘picked’ up.  

That was a problem.  

The End <3 

Now you get why Fiona told Chiamaka about his bisexuality. Why he came clean about his gender nonconformity. Why he was so shaken and blinded sided in [worse than heartbreak], <- fic, and somehow mistaken about the limits of his fiancée’s acceptance. 

Hopefully, you’ll also see Chiamaka in a more sympathetic light. <- I tried to do that in the fic as well but y’know…. kinda hard to do that in that fic. D: 

Even more, i get to dump all these thoughts about fiona x chiamaka out of my head finally!!