#cheshirecat

Here is a character design I created for this month’s twisted Halloween fairy tale theme going on at my Patreon.

Alice in Wonderland + Halloween (Headless Horseman) = Twisted Alice in Wonderland

Author's Note: Listen bestie, this came to me in the most unhinged fever dream during AP History class after downing three energy drinks and having a mental breakdown about the Victorian unit exam. I was literally staring at a picture of Queen Victoria and suddenly had a vision of Jason Todd in a corset doing Shakespeare at a medieval strip club while the Cheshire Cat took Instagram selfies. So yeah, enjoy this absolute chaotic masterpiece that my caffeine-addled brain birthed. Also yes everyone has smartphones in 1847 because I said so and my fever dream said so. Logic has left the building. 💀

•–———————————————————————————————–•

Chapter 1: Wherein Our Tale of Woe and Smartphones Doth Begin

'Twas a most peculiar Tuesday in the year of our Lord 1847, and Y/N sat scrolling through their TikTok feed whilst perched upon the stone windowsill of Castle Kent. The autumn leaves danced in the courtyard below, but Y/N cared not, for they were far too invested in watching Jason Todd's latest thirst trap posted to his InstagramReels account "RedHoodedRogue".

"Mine dearest child," called Clark Kent, King of the Metropolis Realm, as he strode into the chamber whilst typing furiously upon his iPhone 14. "Prithee, cease thy endless scrolling and prepare thyself. For I have received word via Twitter DM that Bruce Wayne, that brooding monarch of Gotham Kingdom, doth challenge mine custody of thee!"

Y/N looked up from their phone, their perfectly contoured eyebrows raising in shock. "No cap, father? That's actually so sus of him ngl."

"Verily, 'tis most sus indeed," Clark agreed, adjusting his royal cape which was bedazzled with the Superman logo in rhinestones. "But fear not, for I shall fight for thee with all the determination of a TikTok user defending their favorite ship!"

Meanwhile, in the neighboring Kingdom of Gotham, Bruce Wayne sat brooding in his gothic castle whilst simultaneously posting melancholic poetry to his Tumblr blog @DarkKnightDaddyIssues. His raven-black hair was perfectly styled in an emo fringe, and his royal doublet was black because obviously.

"Alfred," he called to his faithful butler, who was currently livestreaming a cooking show on Instagram, "I must have that child. Mine heart yearns for a proper family, and besides, I already have the adoption papers ready in mine Google Drive."

"Very good, Your Majesty," Alfred replied whilst whisking some eggs for his followers. "Though might I suggest sliding into King Clark's DMs first? 'Tis only proper etiquette."

Chapter 2: Enter the Star-Crossed Lovers (And a Grinning Cat)

In the depths of Castle Wayne, seventeen-year-old Prince Damian scrolled through Y/N's Instagram stories for the thousandth time that day, his heart aflutter like a moth to a ring light. He had been utterly smitten since seeing their selfie with that flower crown filter, and now he penned sonnets in their honor whilst listening to Taylor Swift's "Love Story" on repeat.

"Father," Damian declared, bursting into Bruce's emo cave, "I must profess mine feelings to the fair Y/N! They art more beautiful than the most viral TikTok dance, more radiant than a thousand fire emojis!"

"My son," Bruce replied dramatically, not looking up from his phone, "thou cannot court the very child I seek to adopt. 'Twould be most problematic for our PR team."

Just then, a wide grin appeared floating in the air, followed by purple fur and the rest of the Cheshire Cat, who materialized holding a ring light and smartphone.

"Oh my GAWD, you guys!" the Cheshire Cat squealed, already recording. "This is like, totally going viral! Say hi to my followers! We're about to witness the MOST dramatic custody battle of the century! Don't forget to like and subscribe!"

Chapter 3: The Knight Most High (On Questionable Substances)

Across the realm, in a tavern called "Shaketh Thy Arse," Sir Jason Todd performed his nightly routine, spinning around a pole whilst reciting Hamlet with impressive dramatic flair. His red leather corset was laced tight, his boots were thigh-high, and his eyes were definitely giving off 'I've consumed substances that aren't entirely legal' vibes.

"To be or not to be, that is the—OH SNAP!" he exclaimed, checking his phone mid-performance. "Y'all, Bruce is trying to steal Y/N from Clark! This is about to be messier than my last relationship!"

The crowd of tavern wenches and lords cheered, throwing coins and heart-eye emojis into the chat. Jason pocketed his earnings, for he needed the coin to fund his quest for the Holy Grail of the Ancient Batman—a legendary chalice said to grant the power of unlimited brooding and an inexhaustible supply of grappling hooks.

"Sorry besties, gotta bounce," Jason announced to his audience. "Family drama calls, and this knight's got a quest to complete! Don't forget to follow my Twitch stream tomorrow!"

Chapter 4: The Royal Clown's Performance Review

Prince Richard Grayson, known to his subjects as Dick (a name that caused endless TikTok memes), finished his morning routine of entertaining the royal court with his acrobatic jests. His costume was a brilliant blue and silver, and his smile could launch a thousand ships (or at least get a million likes).

"Hark!" he announced to the court whilst doing a perfect backflip, "Mine noble brother Jason doth trend upon Twitter once more! And what's this? Father seeks to adopt another sibling? Marry, our group chat is about to be LIT!"

Dick immediately opened Snapchat and began recording himself doing tricks whilst narrating the family drama. "'Sup Gotham! Your boy Dick here with the TEA! Apparently we might get a new sibling, but also Damian's catching feelings? The DRAMA! The CHAOS! I live for this content!"

Chapter 5: Wherein Hearts and Kingdoms Collide (With Selfies)

The great confrontation was set to take place in the neutral ground of the Royal Mall Food Court (for 'twas the most public place, ensuring maximum social media exposure). Clark arrived with Y/N, who was nervously adjusting their flower crown and taking deep breaths.

"Father," Y/N whispered, "I'm literally shaking. What if Bruce's kingdom has better WiFi?"

"Fear not, mine child," Clark replied, flexing slightly for the gathering crowd of TikTok users. "For our love is stronger than any network connection."

Bruce arrived in full dramatic fashion, his black carriage pulled by horses with RGB LED lights. Damian rode beside him, practicing pickup lines under his breath and asking Siri for advice on wooing non-binary royalty.

The Cheshire Cat appeared immediately, ring light blazing. "OH. MY. GOD. This is IT! The moment we've all been waiting for! Two kings, one precious bean, and SO much family drama! I literally cannot even!"

"Greetings, Bruce," Clark called out, his voice carrying across the food court. "Thou hast some audacity sliding into my DMs with custody demands."

"Clark," Bruce replied, his cape billowing dramatically despite the complete lack of wind indoors, "that child deserves a father who won't make them eat vegetables and go to bed at reasonable hours. I offer them a life of unlimited emotional baggage and nighttime vigilante activities."

Y/N stepped forward, their phone already recording for their Instagram story. "Okay, both kings need to chill. Like, I'm flattered that you both want me, but can we discuss this like civilized people? Also, Damian, I saw you in my DMs and honestly? Your poetry slaps."

Damian's face turned redder than Jason's corset. "Thou... thou hast read mine verses?"

"Yeah bestie, they're fire. Very Edgar Allan Poe meets modern romance. I'm into it."

The Cheshire Cat squealed and immediately started a Twitter Space to broadcast the conversation live. "Y'ALL! THE ROMANTIC TENSION! I AM DECEASED!"

Chapter 6: The Resolution (Sort Of)

After much dramatic posturing, several TikTok dances, and Jason's surprise arrival (still in his work costume), the royal families reached a compromise. Y/N would spend weekends at Castle Wayne and weekdays at Castle Kent, ensuring maximum family bonding time and optimal content creation opportunities.

Damian and Y/N exchanged Snapchat handles and immediately began planning their first official date (a romantic picnic whilst Jason performed Macbeth in the background for artistic ambiance).

"This is literally the best day ever," Y/N declared, taking a selfie with both kings, all the princes, and the Cheshire Cat. "My family just multiplied exponentially, I've got a cute boyfriend who writes me poetry, and my follower count has literally exploded."

The Cheshire Cat zoomed in on their face with the ring light. "And THAT, darlings, is how you serve main character energy! Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe to my channel for more royal family drama! Use my code CHESHIRE15 for fifteen percent off your next kingdom visit!"

And so they all lived chaotically ever after, documenting every moment for posterity and social media engagement.

THE END