#cheeseburgerboy

It's just all been really scary.

And I'm pretty scared tonight.

I want to know I'll be able to handle myself. And I know I won't.

And that scares me a lot. Because I've been trying so hard and doing a lot.

I know I shouldn't doubt myself like this.

But its difficult not to.

Things that have happened recently have hit really hard. Because it feels like 6th grade. Which was when everything really hurt me.

I know I will continue. Because I promised myself I would. But I don't know how I'll do. Because I've never done this before.

And it's hard to not assume I won't do poorly. Because I'm already scared.

And it is fear. Because I can feel it in my stomach..

And I don't know what do with it.

I've tried distractions before. But they don't really work. And I do the action anyway.

Or I just go ahead and do the action and freak out for the rest of the day.

I actually freak out the rest of the day both times.

So if that's the case. In not sure how to calm down from my freak out and get my attention back on my own life and enjoyment.

Sorry to ask, but do you have any ideas of what I could do to calm down?.

20 years

As much as it hurts me to say it, it's very true.

I'm basically getting closer to what my biggest fear was. Forgetting them completely.

I really don't want to. They're very special to me.

This probably won't ever go away. And I'll always regret it. But I need to find something else to focus on. And something that isn't going to freak me out.

But don't know what that would be.

An extreme air of anxiety fills within me today

I want to just move on with life.

But I don't know how to do that

I should just not think about it

But I don't really know how to do that either

Thinking about it more doesn't make it happen

So it's not going to speed anything up

It doesn't do anything with the time

Focusing on it isn't going to make me better when it comes

It's just going to have me distressed when its there

I won't gain anything from worrying about this for the next 10 hours. So I can just stop