Uma answers the phone, and it's the standard "We have your boyfriend!" ransom call.
For a second she just stands there with a thoughtful look, like she's doing mental math. "Uh-huh..."
"Now, if you ever want to see him again-"
"No, shut up for a second, I'm tryna think."
She thinks for another second and then gives up. "Alright, you're gonna have to tell me who you have. If it was Ben, you'd have said you have the king; if it was Harry or Gil, I'd be impressed..."
"It's not me!" Gil calls out helpfully from another room. "And Jay's sitting on my lap."
"And it's not Jay," she adds. "So, who'd you catch?"
The voice on the other end of the phone grunts in annoyance. "You know, the blond guy."
"The blond guy's here; that's what I just said."
"No, the-! Cinderella's son. I forget his name; he hasn't been on the news in a while." There's an offended noise, ostensibly from a gagged prince of Cinderellasburg who didn't appreciate the comment on his diminishing spotlight.
"Oh my gods," Uma groans. "You got Chad? He's not even my boyfriend; he's my girlfriend's boyfriend. Did he say he's my boyfriend?"
"He said we should think twice about holding him for ransom because the queen of the sea was going to destroy us."
"Well, yeah, but only because it's the cool thing to do." Uma is putting on her sword belt and jacket at this point. "I mean, Audrey would be pissed if I just let him be kidnapped. Is there a reason you called me? He told you I'd destroy you, and you thought 'I have an idea, let's call her?' How'd you even get my number?"
"Listen closely! We took him because we thought the royals of Cinderellasburg would pay a hefty price for his return. But now that we know he's valuable to the queen of the sea as well, we'd like to make a deal. If you sink the ships of our enemies, we'll return the prince to you with all his fingers."
"Dude, I don't even know who your enemies are. Do you have nautical coordinates?"
"There are five ships we'd like you to sink. I'm sending you the first set of coordinates now, and if the ship is not destroyed within the hour, the prince loses two fingers."
"Got it," Uma muses, glancing across the room at Carlos, who gives her a thumbs up.
"And before you think about attacking us, you should know we're landlocked!"
"Yeah, for sure. I hear you." She's putting eyeliner on in the mirror.
"The first ship, now! When you're done, we'll send the next coordinates."
"That was long enough to get his location, right?" she asks over her shoulder.
"Yep, we got him," Carlos answers. He's in bed, but he pulled his laptop onto his lap as soon as the matter of hostages was mentioned.
"Cool. Guess I'll go get Chad and...I don't know, kill that guy?"
"No killing. Remedial Goodness."
"Oh, like the crown isn't responsible for-...Whatever. I'll just break his knees."
Another thumbs up. Jane, sitting next to Carlos, looks slightly bewildered, but she hops up to grab Uma's hat for her as she heads out the door.
