🕰️ will you be there in the morning? by soliloquent
11,7k words // pairing: tony stark/steve rogers
—⎊—
Nobody on the entire battlefield says a word as Pepper tells Tony he can rest now. Steve hears it all — the change in Tony’s breathing, the way it catches, falters, then stops. The Iron Man suit’s faint systems wind down into silence as the nano case loses its light. It all happens at once, and then, just like that, there is nothing left to listen to.
Steve blinks, and he’s no longer on the field. He’s in his bed, clean and uninjured.
“What the fuck?”
or: Every time Tony dies in the final battle against Thanos, Steve’s day resets.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
written for @ishipallthings as part of the @stonylovessteve exchange
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Is it just me that can’t imagine a world where Ice and Mav would truly turn their backs on Bradley? Some people say that they would have neer forgiven him after TPM but, come on, he’s their kid—maybe not by blood, but in every way that counts.
There was hurt on both sides. He hurt them, and they hurt him. But the difference is, Bradley was just a child, and they were adults who should’ve known better. Does that make the years of silence okay? No, not at all. But I keep coming back to the idea that what really held Bradley back from reaching out was the fear that, deep down, they didn’t love him anymore.
They’re not his biological parents, and while Ice and Mav never cared about that, I think Bradley did. I think he always felt like a bit of an outsider, like a weight they HAD to carry rather. So when they pulled his papers and gave him no actual explanation, it confirmed every fear he’d buried—every insecurity, every feeling of not being good enough. His mind probably went straight to: If they don’t want me, why fight it? Why try, just to be pushed away again?
And I think it was similar with the flyboys. Maybe not as deep, not as painful, but still rooted in that same fear of not being enough; though I like to think he kept in touch with them, even if just barely
I don't think I ever related more to any other fictional character than I do with Ragatha. Ragatha is not happy. She looks happy, she looks likes she's not taking things that seriously but she's actually deeply anxious. So anxious to make people happy to a point that if someone is unhappy it's because she failed them. She's here, but she wasn't able to help. Once her help fail, it's now HER FAULT if the person is unhappy or mentally unstable and she thinks that the person must certainly hate her.
Some deep thoughts rambling under the read more
This dirty eraser on the left was erasing better than the one on the right which looks cleaner. All the dirtiness around her was made with the right eraser. I tried to make things better with the cleaner eraser but ultimately failed. That eraser completely covered in filth, however, did the job correctly. I think both erasers held something significant in this piece so I decided to include them. The pencils worked hard too so they can be there too.
Okay, story time: One thing that happened in my life was that boy who was always mad at me. I was what I thought was the kindest I could be yet he would be very harsh with me because of mistakes I wasn't realising I was doing. And by harsh I mean very harshly and very often.
My brother told me "You were the nicest you could with him, I don't know why he was so hard on you."
He knew that my happiness was fake, and that bothered him, yet when I would be honest with my feelings, that boy wasn't treating me better. So, I tried to be on his side as much as possible and even then he would get mad.
When you're always trying to be good for everyone, you get crushed by the pressure.
Ragatha admitted that she was thinking that everyone in the circus hated her. Kinger assured that nobody hates her and I think he's right: I don't think people hate me either, but I certainly look "fake" to them and that's someone lots of people are not inclined to know deeper. You're just that nice acquaintance who gets along with everyone but nothing more. And most people who wants to be with you are the one who see your vulnerabilities and uses them.
But, now and then, there's going to be that "Kinger" that likes you. Even if you're not fully genuine, it makes them happy because those are not complete lie either: it's just amplified joy to look happier than you actually are because you're hoping that that extra happiness will make someone happier and there's some people that just needs that sometimes.
Yes, I don't think Ragatha is "fake", I think it's all about what she omits. She omits the negative things she wants to say and she omits some of her emotions by bottling them up.
I wanted to omit my feelings and my little storytime right now, but I think it goes against what I am trying to say...
I never quite saw a character written like Ragatha. The anxiety attack that she has when Kinger asks if she feels better are the EXACT types of anxiety attacks I have. It comes out as tears and not so coherent thoughts. It's not always crumbling on the floor breathing hard or all that, it's the type of "emotionally repressed" anxiety attack. Your body is begging you to explode but you're so used to holding back that all you end up doing is cry and breath slightly faster. They usually fade faster too. (As shown when Gangle arrives, Ragatha seems already over it.) Also, yeah, I do believe this scene was supposed to be an anxiety attack scene since Ragatha is not shown to cry a lot and is not someone silent, she talks a lot. But, when kinger asks her "are you alright?" she only shakes her head, not responding with a word which is usually what happens with me too: so overwhelmed I can't talk at first, I need to take a few breaths before I can even say a word because my brain is in anxiety mode. When Kinger asked "you want to talk about it?" that's when her brain got the message that she could talk. (I think that is linked that if the authorities in your childhood didn't want you to express your emotions and would tell you to stop talking or scream when you're upset or they would be extremely mad at you if you do. So, your body adapts and when you're about to have a strong emotional reaction, your vocal cords squeeze and your throat block because if you make a noise, someone will know you're unwell and you certainly don't want to bother people by being unwell, right?)
PS: I gotta add that, like her, I seem to have a fine life where I shouldn't complain. Ragatha was rich; I live in an okay house and have financial stability and yet... I'm still emotionally drained, depressed, anxious. And I also had abusive/immature parents but we still don't know what kind of abuse Ragatha received as a child so I can't really compared myself with her for that yet.
Please ignore that I’m late again. Several days late
Everyone has nightmares. Realistic or not, they still manage to terrify and torment the poor soul suffering from them.
Bell is no different.
Bell, of course, has to deal with night terrors on a daily basis. And unfortunately, her brain has lots to work with to make her dreams hell. So many traumas to choose from. That night on the Trazadon airport? The Cuba mission? The cliff when Adler shot her? Her past…?
…What’s in that bunker…?
…Open the door, Bell…
…That damn red door…
Every time she thinks that she’ll finally be able to get through that door or get any progress, when she gets to the door, it’s just another hallway. So she tries again once she reaches the other door again. Then again. And again.
Door after door after door after door after door
It’s just never ends. All the while Adler’s voice is ringing through Bell’s ears, demanding she stop screwing around. Demanding that she just opens the door. As if she isn’t trying to. By God, does Bell want to open that stupid door. Anything to make it stop. Are the halls closing in? Are the walls turning into the red bunker door, or is it just her? The doors just surround her, begging to be opened. She couldn’t escape them even if she tried. Bell could have sworn she felt blood trickle down from her left eye as she opened yet another door. More doors. Then, she’s falling. It’s like there’s nothing in this world but darkness and those red doors that seem to be painted with blood at this point.
Bell jolted awake, just barely able to keep herself from making any noise. Yet another nightmare about that godforsaken bunker door. As much as she hates those kind of nightmares, at least tonight it wasn’t reviving Lazar’s death or imagining the others dying. No, tonight, the torment was just restricted to herself, and not once did she ever die in it. Death would have been a mercy, wouldn’t it? It would have made her wake up sooner. Maybe that’s just her own subconscious saying that. Would death have been better that day? Should she have died at Solvesky? Even though she was awake now, a part of Bell could have sworn that her left eye was throbbing in pain.
…Bell turned to her side and wrapped her arms around Adler, holding back tears as she nuzzles her head into his neck. When she felt him stir and turn over to face her, Bell tried to tell him that she was fine. As usual, Adler knew that wasn’t the case. Rather than asking about what nightmare she had, Adler held her closer, kissing a tear on her cheek, murmuring reassurances as Bell fell back asleep. Ironic, she thought. Comfort from the man who caused some of her nightmares. Bell slowly dozed off again, feeling safe this time.
(Thank you @mellosdrawings for the inspiration! Your artwork gave me an idea for one of Bell’s nightmares. Amazing artwork.)
nonna cadabra is a force to be reckoned with. she is manipulative and highly intelligent, and a skilled actress. she does her research.
overuses pet names
constantly offering other people her cooking. makes it less suspicious if she were to offer someone something that was perhaps.. not safe for consumption.
chronic hair ruffler and cheek pincher despite her short stature
really plays up the confused but sweet grandma role. no longer considered a threat by rivals; "it's a damn shame celeste faded like that", but this is a facade to collect information and keep an eye out for any danger that might come for her dear boys.
biography
born into the cadabra crime family. eldest daughter of 6.
natural leader and strategist, using her rising rivals' messy fights and takeovers to offer help to the fairies hit by crossfire in the form of paid protection. momma would treat you right.*
*terms and conditions may apply.
the death of jorgen's parents opened up for a lot of power struggle in outer fairy world, as the leader of the militia and law enforcement administrator had abruptly been disposed of with two young sons unable to fill her shoes.
celestine's family business had already run a few generations back, but seeing this fleeting business opportunity, she quickly swooped in and expanded before nana von strangle could take back over.
as nana congregated her officers closer to the capitol buildings, this left outer fairy world unprotected
fairies saw local law enforcement as failed, enabling celestine to really dig her claws in amidst the chaos
also decided to go in the direction of a garbage company for a front. their primary, non-public services besides protection were smuggling and money laundering.
settled late, mothering four sons with her husband, booker. she worked hard to balance her business and instill useful values in her boys- matteo (big daddy) was momma's favorite despite being the youngest
when she got older and her husband passed, she wisely gave the physically stronger and younger matteo the reins, pretending to have gone somewhat senile in her older age from grief (while still giving advice to her son and acting as backline support, sniffing out rats gone unnoticed by others and giving info on people). she chose to keep the boss position in her blood family instead of giving it to someone else.
this action had consequences.
partially helped raise wanda and willa (blonda). wanda is her favorite.
knows big daddy has plenty of time but would like to see an heir to the family business named since he's got grandkids now.
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Some new friends in a server were sharing Fallout OC Inspiration, so I made one for Lionel!
Some brief thoughts on each one below the Keep Reading!:
Lucy MacLean: this one's super easy. Lionel's intelligent yet naive to the way the world works and often pushes against the rules of the Wasteland because he thinks his way is 'Right'
Orion Pax: God I love Transformers One. Lionel has a similar notion of heroism being very straightforward and easy when he starts his journey. Only through repeated failings will he learn the cost that comes with virtue.
Batman (The Tim Burton one SPECIFICALLY) I just think Lionel's kind of weird? Like- while he's technically skilled at talking its not his natural state, he's usually very blunt, confused why everyone else is making things so difficult. He also shares Bruce's almost child-like sense of Justice, sworn to an oath that is- completely impractical for adult life.
Ruthye Mayre Knoll: Similar to Batman, Lionel's growing feeling of inadequacy because the Wasteland is too big to save resonates a lot with Ruthye's story in Woman of Tommorow (Read this comic!)
Wyll Ravenguard - The way Lionel commits himself to this character of the hero (The Knight / The Blade of the Frontiers) even in the face of incredible adversity, revealing a deeper fortitude that persists even in the face of the Mojave's cruelty
Daredevil: Even trying his best at all times, Lionel will easily bare the guilt of his inevitable shortcomings and holds them to his heart like reminders to do better next time. Surely this won't result in some catastrophic crashout down the line...
Ari Llen grew up in a no-name village in the middle of nowhere. She had a younger sister, who died from a disease.
There were some minor symptoms, and then suddenly she was bedridden. They called the healers, but they were delayed in arriving (because of the Empire being dicks in the area), and Ari's sister died before they arrived.
Ari couldn't blame the healers for being delayed, especially since from the examination of her body, the healers basically concluded that she would've practically been already-dead by the time her symptoms reached "bedridden". It would've required a miracle to cure her, even if a healer had already been in the village at that time, let alone the usual days of travel.
But Ari was upset that her sister was dead, and a lot of that upset turned into rage. Rage at the world for being like this, at the gods for allowing the world to be like this, at herself for not noticing the symptoms earlier, at her sister for giving up before the healers even arrived.
Ari had a lot of rage, and there are only so many times you can knock people's teeth in before people start avoiding you, even in a small village. So, Ari took all of that pent-up stuff and decided to fuck off to Eorzea to make some money beating people up.
And she met Hamon Holyfist, who enjoyed fighting so much that he beat aging. And she was inspired to be just like him. (Minus the womanizing and the boozing, because she doesn't really care about those parts.)
Spoilers for Endwalker below
What I'm saying is that when the twins sacrifice themselves in front of her? Ari will go up and meet a girl who looks just like her little sister, and she will be told to "give in to despair" (just like her little sister did), and I have no fucking clue what her reaction will be.
It means that when Thancred talks about the dark nights when you wish "the end of the world" on everything? She will understand.
It means that when Hydaelyn tells them about hope and suffering? Ari will be gritting her teeth, because she wants to curse her name.
It means that when she hears about the plan to run away from the Final Days? She will be wanting to punch everyone there in the face, because the only way forward is through.
Cooper loves ice cream. Before the apocalypse, he ate it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He would've happily foregone all meals and ate only ice cream instead. But the apocalypse changed all that.
Milk and sugar are rationed--he has to drink black coffee now--so it's practically impossible to find ice cream. It's yet another pleasure the monsters stole from Cooper.
