#chap 8

"Let's just deal with your grandmother and then we can leave and go do something else," you promise, coursing your fingers through his hair.

It's almost like it's something second nature all of a sudden. Your fingers just moved toward him without any thought that it could be wrong or awkward. And he doesn't give you any negative reaction to it, instead he sighs happily, moving the arm on your shoulders to encircling your hips and pulling you close.

"Let's step into one of the closets or something, I need more kisses," he mumbles, putting his forehead to yours.

Once again, his scent drifts over you like a shroud of comfort. It's strange to you that you're not pulling back wildly with nervousness fleeting over every vein within you.

"We could get caught," you try to reason with him.

"That'd be hot," he counters with a small, devious smirk.

"I don't think these type of people would approv-"

"Well, I'm shocked to see you."

Jeongguk snaps up straight like a stick, turning on his heel to meet the voice that's riddled with judgemental tones.

His hand struggles to grasp for yours, his fingers fumble and itch until finally you're able to intertwine with him. Your palm lays flat and comfortable against his, thumb stroking the back of his hand with soothing intentions.

The woman before you holds herself elegantly, her hair is raven black and cut into a bob around her jawline. The way her eyebrows notch together quizzically already tells you that she's spent a lifetime judging others, the wrinkles give her away.

Poor Guk beside you is two seconds away from shaking like a leaf. He looks like he's about ready to pass out. You can't imagine the anger and anxiousness that's rooted deep within his chest.

You can only imagine what choice words he wishes he could say if he wasn't frozen stiff with fear.

His grandmother doesn't even acknowledge you, which is fine because it gives you more time to study her.

"Hello," the escort whispers softly, bowing his head respectfully.

"Hello, grandson," she breathes, turning on her heel and ushering the both of you to follow.

"Oh fuck," he hisses, running his free hand over his face.

"It's okay," you promise, "I'm here."

"I know," he mumbles, kissing your temple and pulling you along to follow her.

Finally, after several minutes of wading through the guests of the house you find yourself in the grand office of the mansion.

There's awards and certificates on the wall, pictures of his grandmother with famous people and first prototypes of the kimchi containers that made her rich in the first place within glass cases.

Once again, she does not acknowledge you or her grandson, if you're being honest, while she sits down at her large glass desk.

Jeongguk leads you over to your chair first, waiting until you sit down to do so as well.

When his back meets the chair, he can feel his organs within him shaking so violently that he's not sure if he'll ever be able to get back up again.

His grandmother pulls out a fan, the length of it expanding all at once with a sharp noise that has Guk wincing in an instant. She purses her lips, leaning back into her chair to bore her eyes into her grandson's face.

The fan moves leisurely within her grip, sending pieces of black hair blowing in symmetrical swirls around her face.

She picks up a small bell and rings it daintily between her thumb and index finger before returning her gaze to Jeongguk. You aren't sure whether she's trying to break him down with one quick look or if she's trying to assess what he's going through.

A butler steps into the doorway with white gloves covering both his hands politely at his sides.

"A bottle of Veuve and three glasses," she orders dully.

So she does acknowledge that you're here but she's purposefully ignoring you like it's all a part of some sort of plan.

The silence begins to creep in after the butler leaves, the muted groan of hundreds of conversations just outside the office doors breach past your ears and while it's putting the escort beside you on edge, this is comfortable for you.

You look down at your long gloves, fixing them properly before placing them in your lap.

Finally, the madam of the home gets bored with her meek acting grandson and turns her attention to you.

You give her a polite smile, leaning back in your chair and crossing your legs.

You're ready for anything if you're being honest, whether that be confrontation or just a simple introduction.

"Do you… work with my grandson? Do you do what vile things he does?" she inquires pointedly, snapping her fan shut.

Jeongguk looks up as if he's been cracked with a whip, his eyebrows furrow painfully as if her words have burned him but he stays silent nonetheless, looking to you for your answer.

"I don't work with him, no. I'm his girlfriend. And to me, he's not vile nor is what he does vile," you reply, folding your hands in your lap.

She hums out quizzically, looking over your garments with intrigue written all over her face.

"I see, so you could afford these clothes yourself then? Without the help of someone who lays on their back to get their money?"

Your insides are beginning to boil with the hottest of fires, you're unsure if your irises have turned bright red like a devil waiting to tear into this woman but what you do know is that you fucking wish you could.

She has no sense of anything kind in her personality at all.

"As far as I'm concerned, Jeongguk hasn't laid on his back in quite a long time. But I can afford these clothes myself, I own a business."

Her head seems to tilt curiously at your words and it seems with the tight lipped smile she gives that she's going to enjoy this confrontation.

"And what sort of business is that?" his grandmother purrs, leaning down onto her desk.

"I own a wine business," you reply.

"And your net worth?"

"None of your business, actually."

Jeongguk takes a sharp breath between his teeth, flitting his eyes from your face to his grandmothers like he's watching some sort of ping pong tournament.

"And I should assume that you're with my grandson on your own accord?"

"Why would you assume anything otherwise? It's not like he's willing to divulge the fact that his grandparents are rich while he grew up poor."

Guk takes you in then, the gentle fall sun highlights your silhouette so gently and it only begins to sing out to him when your face becomes fierce with protective intentions.

You want to keep him safe, you want to fight for him and he can see it as plain as day.

"I didn't expect my grandson to start dating such a hard headed woman."

"I'm not hard headed -- I'm hard working. I take what I want and I'm not apologetic for that."

Jeongguk picks at some skin on his lip, tilting his head to see how absolutely earth shatteringly gorgeous you look defending his honor. If he could sigh sweetly, believe him, he would.

"Baby," he calls to you softly.

The pet name has your head snapping to look at him and he smiles sweetly at your pinched face.

Jeongguk slowly shakes his head as if to tell you that it's not worth it and you simply shrug before folding your arms and huffing out impatiently.

She's getting on your fucking nerves, he's certainly not wrong about her in any sense of the word.

His grandmother simply blinks at the interaction between you both.

How could it be so warm and endearing when the space between you both is as far as it is?

Is this something serious or is it something that can be picked apart by just a few words?

When the butler returns with the bottle, the madam of the house simply nods to it. "You run a wine business, why don't you open it?"

While you begin to pull the cage off, the older woman decides to test the waters the only way she knows how.

"Chloe is here," she notifies her grandson.

"Yeah, I know," he huffs out, "we saw her."

"And what did she think of your new woman?" his grandmother prods.

"Who cares what she thinks? She doesn't know her ass from her elbow," he gripes.

You can only roll your eyes, slowly letting the bottle do the work to push the cork out of the mouth.

"If you begged for her back, maybe she would accept you," she drolls.

The sharp inhale through your nose makes Jeongguk cringe and in a second he's standing to comfort you.

There's not a split second where you both remember that this is fake, you're invested in this somehow -- you both are.

"I don't want to beg her for anything. She doesn't deserve me. I found a woman who likes and cares for me as I am now! Besides, she's married to Holdritch."

"Hamish," his grandmother corrects him.

"Whoever," he murmurs, crouching down beside you to take the wrappings and cage from your hand.

"My girlfriend is smart and beautiful, strong and brave as hell. Chloe can't even compare to a single cell in her body. So, just because you don't respect me, grandmother, please don't disrespect my significant other."

The champagne bottle makes a slow hiss when the cork comes out and it seems to echo throughout the room while Guk waltz over to the trash can to get rid of the rubbish.

"I see," the older woman breathes, leaning back in her chair.

"What are your intentions with my grandson then, uh…"

"Y/N, her name is Y/N. You were bickering with her five minutes ago and you don't even know her name," the escort hisses, draping himself over the top of your chair and putting his hands on your shoulders.

You're immediately comforted by his presence, basking under the heat of his hands like a lizard under the molten sun.

"What are your intentions with Jeongguk, Y/N?" his grandmother inquires, pouring three glasses of champagne.

"To love him," you announce.

The way his hands clench at your shoulders makes you want to cave in immediately, you want to shove the chair out of the way and squeeze him so tightly that the air between you both has no chance of escaping.

"Well then. She's passed the test," his grandmother smiles, handing you both champagne glasses.

"Test?" Guk blinks confused.

"Yes, the test that not even Chloe ever passed. If you recall her answer was, 'treat him like he deserves me.' Which is incredibly inappropriate."

Sounds like Chloe.

You roll your eyes heavily, optng to take a sip of the bubbly alcohol instead of releasing the string of obscenities you wish to.

"So you being… rude to my girlfriends has always been a test?" Guk blurts out, scratching at his neck confused.

"To put it simply, yes. And Y/N has passed."

"Oh," the escort breathes awkwardly.

"I hope you love him more than anything and anyone. Just because I never spoon fed him doesn't mean I don't care about him," his grandmother says, drifting her fingers over the glass of her desk.

Jeongguk kisses the top of your head and your eyes flutter shut immediately.

Your heart is wildly racing within your chest like a horse and to say that it's because of the simple kiss is not true.

Your heart is beating so fast because of the words you spoke.

They keep replaying in your mind over and over again to no avail.

"To love him."

"To love him."

"To love him."

Your heart is beating so wildly because you're scared.

There was not a single ounce of a lie within that three worded sentence. There was no pause or need for acting. There was no reason to string those words together purposefully.

They flowed from your mouth like a river, like it was meant to be said with that same heartfelt inflection.

You believe these words.

The dog started to jump around on the mattress at the mere mention of one of her favorite words, and Joey giggled as she sat herself up, combing her fingers through the mess of her red hair to tame it back. Slugging her body out of her comfy bed, Joey hopped into a quick shower and got herself dressed before she headed out of her apartment with Sadie. The little dog happily trotted along as the two walked through their neighborhood and down the street to the quaint bakery and coffee shop that Joey loved to frequent. She knew the head barista well, and as soon as Joey would walk in, the polite young lady would have her order already in the making. They also allowed small dogs on the premises, so that was another plus for Joey. 

Paying for her medium mocha latte and her oversized glazed donut, Joey took a prancing Sadie back outside the shop to sit at one of their patio tables along the sidewalk. Sadie sat at Joey’s feet, watching pedestrians walk by as Joey picked off pieces of her breakfast and quietly ate. Her mind was still reeling; going over what had happened with Ross, how she had been so blind and so stupid to fall, yet again, for a man’s charade. Peering down at her half eaten confectionery, Joey cradled her forehead in her hand. She almost couldn’t describe how foolish she felt, even more so knowing that Niall had seen her in the state that she was in that night. She was nothing but a joke.

Why was finding someone so hard? Why was dating built to be this medivel structure of constant torture, where you find yourself trapped and falling for things that you shouldn’t, only to be disspointed over and over? Relying on friends or family to constantly lift you back up and get you going again. Joey not only felt like an utter fool for how she had been roped into Ross’ scheme, but also a burden to the people she cared about most. She had to get out of it. She had to figure out how to just be happy alone, because that was all she was ever going to have. 

Herself and Sadie. 

Peeking down at the little dog, she tucked some hair behind her ear and ripped off a piece of her donut. “Should we head to the dog park?” she asked her sidekick, feeding her the treat. Joey gathered up her things as she stood up, making sure to have a good hold on Sadie’s leash before they started to walk a few more blocks down towards the neighborhood dog park. 

The young woman mindlessly scrolled through her phone as she let Sadie play with her buddies for about 20 minutes, until the last bit of her coffee was cold and she felt that it was time to head back towards their apartment. The wind had begun to pick up, billowy clouds shifting overhead to cover the sun and they had only made it halfway back when Joey felt a vibration in her back pocket. She yanked her phone from her jeans and glanced at the screen as it rang. 

Niall. 

Joey’s brows wrinkled. Niall rarely called her. Only a handful of times since they had known each other, their correspondence typically was done through texting or even the odd facetime. Pulling in a deep breath, Joey answered the call and put the phone up to her ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, Jo.” 

She tipped her head down, her stare watching Sadie’s little legs go a mile a minute as the dog walked next to her. “Hey.” 

There was a slight pause on his end of the phone and Joey peered back up as she stopped to cross a street. “I just wanted to call ya to see how you were doin’...” 

Niall’s voice was low as he spoke, almost teetering on a whisper and with the wind picking up around her, Joey could barely hear him. “I’m, uh,...I’m okay,” she replied, “just out taking Sadie for a walk.” 

“Oh..oh, that’s good.” 

“Thank you...for last night, for...being there and everything,” Joey then added. “It meant a lot to me.”

“Of course, petal,” he said, “but uh, so, there’s other reason that I’m callin’,” Niall paused, clearing his throat, “I wanted to let ya know that...I’m gonna be headin’ to London tonight–”

“What?” Joey said loud into the phone, not sure she had heard him correctly. “Sorry, the wind is blowing like crazy out here.” 

Niall chuckled. “I’m gonna be goin’ to London tonight for a few weeks. Gotta, um, get some work done on me album.” 

“Oh,” Joey breathed out, her shoes halting on the sidewalk. 

“So...I’ll give a ring when I get back into town, yeah?” 

Chewing at her bottom lip, Joey peeked down at Sadie who was staring up at her in confusion. She nodded her head, as if Niall could even see her and started to walk again. “Yeah, of course.” 

“Cool,” he mumbled, “I’ll talk to ya later, Jo.” 

“Bye, Niall. Be safe.”

Hanging up her phone, Joey’s mind went crazy, thoughts whirling around like a cyclone in her head. Why was he going to London all of a sudden? Why hadn’t he told her before that he was going? Was it really just for work? Was it her? Was it something she did, said, didn’t say? 

A billion different thoughts and emotions crashed through her all at once, she couldn’t even grasp onto one single decent one if she tried. It was like a handful of sand, the grains slipping through her fingers and she had no idea how to stop it or what was really going on. But one thing she knew for sure, it looked like she was going to have to get used to being by herself, and the next few weeks were going to be as best as time as any to do it. 

•

Joey coasted through those next couple weeks like she was on some kind of autopilot. And not the good kind of coasting where everything was easy and flowed without a hitch, oh no, it was the disastrous kind of coasting like the world was whizzing past her at high speed and her reflexes couldn't keep up, as if her brake lines had been severed and she had no ability to stop. She just went through the motions; day in and day out, not thinking, not hearing, not talking, not feeling much of anything. 

She went to work and pretended like everything was fine, smiling through Alexis’ boring rambling before classes started, and barely replying to Carter’s few texts that he had sent her. It just didn’t seem to matter to her. Joey had thought that it was going to be easy, she had been single before and other than a lonely night here and there, it never phased her. But this was a far cry from just a lonely night, she felt entirely, all-consumingly...alone. 

And mostly because she hadn’t heard from Niall at all. 

Not a text, not a call, not an email or facetime. He also wasn’t using his social media as regularly either, so creeping on him wasn’t helpful or even a solace. She had no lifeline, no tether or connection to him and she wondered if maybe that was on purpose. Maybe he was just busy with work, or maybe...he had grown tired of their friendship, of her. Joey knew she could very well be acting overly dramatic about the entire situation, two and a half weeks of no communication wasn’t that big of deal, but something inside her just felt strange. It was all so peculiar and she really didn’t know what to make of it. 

Joey had barely left the apartment outside of work, camping out in her living room with Sadie and a folder of papers to go over. Catching up on whatever new crime documentaries had popped up on Netflix, stuffing her face with any carbs and sugary treats she could get her hands on, while dwelling on her less than ideal situation. Not only had she been treated poorly and been royally fucked over by a guy that she had hoped was different, but she was also forgotten by one that she knew was different. And that made everything that she was feeling, just that much worse. 

Nearing the three week mark that Niall had left LA and went to London, Joey woke up every morning hoping to see a text from him that he had landed back in town. Of course she was bitterly disappointed each time her eyes blinked open to see a blank screen. Alexis, on the other hand, wouldn’t stop texting her. Every night she’d send Joey something, a stupid joke or just to check up on her, and every time Joey would leave her on read. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to her, it was more that Joey didn’t want to talk to anyone. She was still sulking in her misery about how bad she had been played by Ross, how the ordeal had dredged up feelings from her past and with Niall up and leaving unexpectedly, she just couldn’t get over how lost she felt. And that in turn made her feel like a complete idiot. Something she very much did not want to admit to Alexis. 

That following Saturday was like any other Saturday for Joey. She took Sadie to the dog park late morning, grabbed herself some lunch on the way back home and as she wrestled with the little dogs’ leash that had gotten wrapped around her back leg while stepping up to her front door, she was surprised to see a fairly large box sitting on her door mat in the hallway. Joey wrinkled her brows, peeking over her shoulder as if she was going to catch the culprit who had left the box before she picked it up with a shrug and headed into her apartment. 

“What could this be, Sadie?” Joey mumbled as she slid the box up onto the countertop in her kitchen. Taking a moment to unhook the bouncy little pup from her leash, the young woman hung it up next to the door and took off her light jacket before stepping back over to where the box was waiting for her. It was long and sort of thin, but upon checking the label, Joey wasn’t sure who or where it had come from. The only thing it had printed on it was her name and address. 

That in itself should have been suspicious, but she was curious and grabbing a pair of scissors from her junk drawer, Joey carefully started to open the box. Her heart flipped in her chest as she peeled away at the cream colored tissue paper. Inside was the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers she had ever seen. 

Blush pink and white roses surrounded by colorful wildflowers. 

Lifting the flowers from the box, Joey held them up to her nose and inhaled deeply, immersing herself in the fragrance of the mixed bouquet before she noticed a small card attached to the inside lid of the box. She gently laid the flowers back down and plucked the card from the cardboard and opened it. 

      “Just thinking of you, 

                                    Love Niall”

Joey’s lips fell to a part before she swallowed hard, her eyes becoming hazy as she lifted her stare from the blurry print of the tiny card in her hand to the flowers laying on her countertop. Wildflowers. She should have known. A smile tugged over her lips, the first genuine smile that had graced them in the last three weeks and for a split second, she felt good. Like really good. 

Finding an old vase hidden in the back of a corner cabinet, Joey slipped the flowers down inside with some water and arranged them slightly before setting them right in the middle of her small dining table. It was the perfect spot for it, she could see it from whatever room she was in and it gave her place an instant brightness, a light that she really needed. She was still perplexed as to why she hadn’t heard from him at all, but the flowers, the thought behind them provided her with a smidge of comfort. 

•

Later that evening, after Joey had settled into her pajamas and consumed nearly a whole pot of spaghetti, she was just about to curl up on her couch with Sadie when there was a knock at her door. The small dog jumped up from her place on the sofa barking as she ran towards the sound. “Shh, Sadie,” Joey scolded her, following her over to the door. “That’s enough.” 

Easing the door open, the redhead was brushed to the side as Alexis barged into her apartment. Joey pushed out a breathy chuckle and slowly closed the door. “Hey,” Alexis blurted out, turning to Joey and hooking her hands on her hips. The young woman let out a soft sigh and scraped her teeth across her lips. She knew by the slight scowl on Alexis' face and the tension in her shoulders, that the avoidance of her best friend might have caused a bit of an issue for the blonde girl. 

Rubbing over her arm with her hand, Joey peeked down at her bare feet, not really sure what to say. “Hey,” was all she could get out in a low voice. 

Alexis pushed out a groan and Joey glanced up at her, watching her shoulders slump forward in a defeated eye roll. She had already given up, never one to hold a grudge towards Joey for too long and the blonde spun around on her heels and started to walk over to the dining table. “Oooh flowers,” she mentioned as she got closer to where the bouquet was set up, “these are gorgeous. From Ross?”

Joey winced upon hearing his name out loud and she crossed her arms over her chest in a quiet huff. “No, Niall,” she told her with a shake of her head. 

“Niall,” Alexis mimicked with a wrinkle of her brow. She bent over slightly to sniff them. “Interesting…”

Tipping her chin up slightly, Joey’s eyes stayed glued to her friend as the blonde turned back around to face her. “So, what’s up, Lex?” 

“Really? You’re gonna ask me that like you don’t know why I’m here? I wanna know what the hell has been going on with you lately!” Alexis started, pushing out a sigh as she held out her hands towards her friend. “You’ve been so distant and weird, even at work. We’ve barely talked or hung out, you’re ignoring all my texts...is there a reason you’re avoiding me?”

Joey swallowed hard at her friends’ obviously frustrated words and she dropped her stare. “I dunno,” she muttered towards the floor, faintly shrugging her shoulders, “I’ve just been feeling off the last couple weeks. Just needed to be by myself, I guess.” 

“Are you okay?”

Rolling her eyes in a low huff, Joey shuffled over to where her friend was standing by her kitchen table and pulled out a chair, plopping herself down. Her gaze remained focused at her lap, but she could see the shadow of Alexis situating herself into the chair next to her. Joey took a moment to gather her breath before she spoke up again. “I slept with Ross.” 

“You did?” Alexis replied, her brows pulling in by the tone in which Joey was emitting, “That’s...good, right?” 

Joey shook her head, peering up at her best friend. “It was horrible, Lex, one of the worst experiences of my life and afterwards he told me that he had a girlfriend, a girlfriend! And that he pretty much just sleeps around with a bunch of different girls whenever she’s out of town. He was just using me.” 

“Oh God, Joey. I’m so sorry.” 

“No, it’s not your fault.” 

Alexis pulled her face in. “I set you up with him,” she scoffed, “I am somewhat to blame, but I honestly didn’t see him as being that big of a douchebag.” 

“I don’t blame you at all,” Joey said, tucking some hair behind her ear, “I didn’t see it coming either. He was so...nice and charming and smart, like, there were really no red flags, that I noticed anyway. But...I dunno, I guess it just...fucked me up a little bit. Kinda...pulled me back to being with Jake.” 

“Oh shit,” Alexis whispered with a sympathetic slump of her shoulders. 

Joey shook her head slightly. “I mean, I know it's nothing compared to what Jake put me through, but the feelings that I felt, it just-...it shot me right back to-..to him, to being with him.” Alexis reached out and rubbed her hand down the slope of Joey’s upper arm, the red head peering down into her lap. “Thank God Niall came over that night and took care of me, ‘cause I don’t want to even think about what could’ve happened if he hadn’t been there.” 

“Wait,” Alexis paused, narrowing her eyes at her friend, “Niall came over? That night after you slept with Ross?” 

Joey nodded. “Yeah, he came over and I was a total mess, crying like an idiot, trying to drown myself in a bottle of gin but he was just...really sweet and listened to me and just held me all night and, I dunno, it was nice to have that.” 

“Well, I’m glad he was there for you,” Alexis stated. 

“Me too.” Glancing up at Alexis, Joey noticed the slight smirk adorning her lips. “What?”

The blonde raised a brow. “Joey, sweetie…why didn’t you call me?” 

Joey’s mouth parted. “I...dunno, I-...,” her eyes shifted away from her friend as her answer jumbled off her dry tongue. “it was late and Niall, he…he was the first person to pop into my head, I guess.” 

Alexis’ head fell to the side. “And he was able to make you feel better?”

“For the night, yeah,” Joey said, catching the girl’s stare again. “But these last few weeks, I haven’t been able to shake these overwhelming feelings I have about what happened. I just feel so…stupid.” 

The blonde rolled her eyes in a low sigh. “You are not stupid,” she told Joey, raising her brows, “just like I told you with Jake, Ross is complete trash. Joey, he doesn’t matter at all. And he never deserved you.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Joey chuckled. 

“And hey,” Alexis went on, reaching over to rub the petal of one of the white roses, “you got these beautiful flowers from Niall to cheer you up. How’s that for romantic?”

“There is no romance behind those flowers,” Joey snorted.

Alexis pushed out a groan, throwing her head back to her shoulders. “For the love of God, woman, are you blind?”

“No.” 

“Than what it is gonna take for you to see that this guy is fucking in love with you?” she said,

Joey shook her head, peering over at the bouquet sitting in the middle of her table. “He’s not in love with me.” 

“Yes he is,” Alexis insisted, “I haven’t even met the guy yet and I know he has feelings for you.” 

“Were just friends,” Joey replied in a soft voice, looking back over at Alexis, “besides, I haven’t even talked to him in weeks. He’s been in London, doing...whatever it is that he’s doing, I’m sure I’m the last thing on his mind.” 

“These flowers beg to differ,” the blonde scoffed, slapping her palm down on the table top, “listen to me, I can tell just by the way that you talk about him, by the way your face lights up any time his name is mentioned or when you see his text come through your phone. I have never in my five years of knowing you, seen you this way with anyone.” 

A sigh left Alexis’ lips and she leaned closer to Joey. “I can tell by the look in your eyes as we sit here talking about him right now that you have serious feelings for this guy, Joey, and if you don’t put your fucking big girl panties on and tell this man how you feel...well...I just won’t be your friend anymore.” 

Joey pushed out a giggle. “Oh that’s mature, Lex.” 

The blonde gave her a shrug and Joey sighed lightly, plopping her elbow up on the table to cradle her cheek in her hand. “I just feel...I feel like I’m done, Lex. Done with dating, done with men, done with dealing with their bullshit and I dunno, maybe I just need to be alone, ya know?”

Alexis sat back in her chair, her stare falling over her best friend. She could feel the hurt in her heart, see the pain behind her eyes and the only breath of relief she noticed within Joey was the moment Niall’s name got brought up. That told her all she needed to know. “Maybe you’re right, Joey,” she began, catching her friends' sullen stare, “maybe you do need to be alone, but I just want you know, that friends...they don’t cuddle each other all night long in bed. Friends don’t send friends flowers for nothing. And when I look at you? I can see that you have more feelings there than just being his friend. You should tell him how you feel.” 

Joey lowered her gaze to her lap, Alexis’ words resonating through her and causing a knot to tangle in her tummy. “Just think about it, okay?” Alexis went on, “You might be surprised…”

•

Four more days passed before Joey got the text that she had been impatiently waiting on for the past three weeks and a half weeks. She had just gotten back from the grocery store, bags still sitting unpacked on her countertop when she heard the tone go off in her purse. Grabbing her phone from the pocket of her bag, Joey sunk her teeth into her bottom lip as her eyes glazed over the single text Niall had sent her. 

N: hey love , I’m back in LA . Hope you’re doin okay 

Joey felt her heartbeat start to pick up in her chest. And it wasn’t until that second, that Alexis’ words really started to churn in her head. She had attempted to shut Niall out of her thoughts, to forget about the flowers he had sent her, to how he had made her feel that night, to stop worrying so much about if he was ever going to contact her again. But the moment his name popped up on her phone screen, it was like everything else disappeared. 

She felt an inkling of warmth swell through her bones like a bleeding fire. She felt a sliver of happiness expand from the tips of her toes to the apples of her cheeks. She felt like the past nearly four weeks hadn’t even happened, that it was but a faint memory and everything was slowly going back to normal again. The way he would look at her, his blue eyes swimming over hers, the way he would touch her, the heat of his skin wrapping around her body as if it was the only thing that could keep her warm. The way he made her laugh, the way he made her feel alive and real and good. She felt complete when she was with him. Whole and absolute. And just like a strike of lightning, she felt this wave of unconditional longing for Niall, a hunger, yearning and consuming her body and her soul. Her entire ethereal being wanting to be filled with him. Just him and only him. 

And all of that, it made her stop and really think. Maybe Alexis was right, maybe she had a point. Maybe through all of the waiting, the searching, the wondering...maybe she really just needed to open her eyes and admit what was going on deep down inside her: she had full on, mind altering, body crippling, devastatingly real feelings for Niall. 

She was in love with him. And she didn’t know what to do with that. 

Joey sat on her heavy hearted revelation for another five days. Five long, excruciatingly frustrating days. She hadn’t heard from Niall apart from his first text to her when he had gotten back in town, and that bit confused her as she was certain he would have wanted to hang out or get some dinner or something along those lines, but that invite from him never came. Joey could have invited him herself, but the nerves coursing through her body every time she went to shoot him a text were unbearable and she knew that to be able to move forward with Niall, she would definitely have to tell him her feelings first. 

And the only way to do that was in person. 

•

It was a rainy Sunday evening, the sun had just begun to set and Joey had spent the entire day pacing around her small apartment, weaving between her furniture and over her dog who kept getting underfoot, gearing herself up for what she was about to do. Niall had no idea she was planning on stopping by his house, but Joey had seen just an hour earlier from an Instagram post of his, that he was indeed home and was watching golf on TV. It was the perfect time. He was most likely alone, Chris usually up at the bar on weekend nights and he wasn’t in the midst of writing music or anything that she could distract him from. 

But trying to calm her nerves was the least of her worries. 

The entire car ride to his house, Joey went over in her head at least a million times what she was going to say to him. Her best plan? To just spit it out. Tell him point blank that she had feelings for him and that she wanted to be with him and she really hoped he felt the same. It seemed easy enough, but it was probably the most daunting thing Joey had ever done. She had never felt for anyone the way she felt for Niall, and to just...air all her thoughts and feelings out there for him to see, to rebuff, it left her panicky and sweaty and just a downright mess. 

But the red haired girl pushed past the lump that was settling in her throat as she pulled up in front of his house. Parking out by the side of the privacy fence, Joey got out of her car and  pranced through the drizzle of rain to his gate, entering in the keycode. Making her way to his front door, Joey stood on his stoop, finally out of the rain, and attempted to fix her waves of long hair that had stuck slightly to the side of her face. She inhaled deep, hoping the jitters of her fingers would stop as she tucked them into her palms and hung them idle at her sides. 

Swallowing hard, Joey eased her eyes closed, replaying the words she had prepared over in her head one last time before she slowly reached up to ring the doorbell. Her heart was beating in the back of her ears as she waited for him to answer the door, it seemed like hours, and after only a handful of seconds, the door swung open. 

His light blue eyes locked instantly with hers and it felt like there was no more air to breathe. Like all of the oxygen had been sucked from the atmosphere, replaced by rose dust and fairy floss and glittery night stars. Her chest stopped, her lungs purging and her heart swelling, a heat stinging across her skin at the sight of him and that gorgeous smirk that was spreading over his mouth. 

Holy fuck, she was so in love with him. 

“Joey?” he greeted, his brows raising in surprise as he dragged his stare down the length of her body. “Hey!” 

Joey bit the growing smile off her lips. “Hi, Niall,” she replied, forcing herself to take in a breath, “Can I come in?” 

Niall reached up to rough his hand through his hair as he peeked over his shoulder. Joey’s eyes fluttered as she kept her gaze glued to him, a dreamy haze enveloping her. She cleared her throat as he looked back over at her. “Uh, yeah, sure,” he said, stepping back and widening the doorway to let her into the foyer. “It’s good to see ya.” 

Joey pulled her hair over her one shoulder as she stepped closer to Niall. “It’s good to see you too,” she told him, her voice soft as she forced herself to dive quickly into the reason she was there, “actually I’ve been kinda thinking about things.” 

“Oh yeah?” Niall said, his head tipping to the side slightly as he planted his hands on his hips. He drifted his eyes over hers, seeing the slight apprehension and a tinge of concern came over his face. “You doin’ okay?”

Nodding her head, Joey peeked down at the floor and carefully pulled in a sharp breath. “Um, so…” she paused, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip as she caught his stare once more. “There’s something that I needed to tell you–”

“Babe!”

A high pitched, bubbly voice came bounding into the room, attached to a beautiful skinny blonde who walked right up to Niall and wrapped her arm around his waist. “Oh…hi,” she said to Joey. 

But the redhead was left wordless, motionless, breathless. Her heart seized to beat in her chest, dropping like a rock to the pit of her stomach as that lump in the back of her throat felt like it had burst, a trillion little shrapnels of glass slicing down her esophagus and filling her entire midsection in blood. Glancing from Niall to the pretty blonde hanging off of him, Joey fought to keep her chin from trembling. 

Niall could see the change in Joey’s face, see the color drain from her cheeks as her pouty lips fell to a drooping part. Her hazelnut eyes were wide as saucers, stuck on the girl next to him and Niall swallowed hard before bowing his head to nervously run his fingers up through his dark hair. “Uh...Joey, this is Lila,” he mumbled, peering back up at Joey. Her eyes were on him now, darting anxiously across his face as he spoke. “Lila this is...my friend, Joey.” 

“Hi, Joey,” Lila chirpily greeted in her British accent, “it's always nice to meet Niall’s friends.” 

She had a soul stealing, brightly white smile and the face of a goddamn model and Joey wanted nothing more than to burst into tears at the sight of her. Swallowing hard, Joey held back her urge to cry, forcing a less than mediocre grin on her face. “Yeah, n-nice to meet you too.” 

Lila shifted her attention over to Niall. “Hun, we better get going if we are gonna make those dinner reservations.”

Joey watched as Niall nodded his head. “Yep, yep, um...I’ll be right there.” 

“Okay.” Lila grabbed around Niall’s chin and turned his face to hers, pushing a kiss to his lips before walking off back into the kitchen. 

Moving her stare away, Joey folded her arms over her chest and choked back the tears that were readily filling the brims of her eyes. Niall stood there, hands stuffed down into his pockets just staring at her, not knowing what to say or what to do. His heart was thumping in his chest, a sweat breaking out over his forehead and he dipped his tongue out to run across his dry lips. After a minute of excruciating silence, Joey finally brought her eyes back up to his. 

It nearly knocked the breath from him. 

“I should...I should probably go,” she whispered. 

“W-wait…” Niall stuttered, “um, I thought ya needed to tell me somethin’?” 

Pressing her eyes closed, Joey faintly shook her head and forced a smile. “You know what...it’s not important.” 

“Joey…”

She spun around, stepping towards the front door. “Have fun,” she mumbled, not even looking back at him. 

“...Joey…” 

Opening his front door, she remained quiet, needing to be out of that house as quickly as she could before she collapsed on his floor right in front of him. Just as she stepped through the threshold with the door inching closed behind her, she heard his soft voice whisper out one last little plea.

“Jo…”