#chanelsays

How, Oh How, Do I make Her See, She was always Meant, for, Mi...

“No. No. No. You should say it like this.”

They were alone in the Dorm auditorium. They were practicing center stage with the lights twilight bright. They were taking turns showing one another what each considered the best way to deliver their opening and closing statements. On the rubric, those parts collected the most points. So each of them knew, this was really important.

“Like this?!” She asked as she tried to mimic the advice Ralphy had given her previously.

“Look, you’re making this too hard. Get out of your own head.” He suggested as he used his right hand to hop the stage and stand next to Chanel.

“See, you keep doing your hands, like this, and waving your arms in the wrong motions. It doesn’t feel, believable.”

“Okay, Shakespeare...”

“Be serious... When I say it, the way you say it, watch and see if it looks real to you.”

“Ugh! This is dumb!”

“Come on, jump down and look at me, be you.”

“Ugh...” She grumbled as she jumped down to watch Ralphy perform.

“See... this is you.”

“...”

“This is me.”

“Ohhh, ok. I can sorta see what you mean.”

“Only sorta?”

“Ummm, yeah, sorta. Let’s try it this way, stand behind me, and show me like I’m your puppet.”

“You tryna be a puppet now> You know what goes up a puppet?”

“Imma put my foot, in that thing if it touches me...”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hurry yp and let’s get this done. I got homework to do.”

“Oh, now you care about homework?” She said, as she hopped back on stage and bumped, purposely, into his groin area.

“Hey now!”

“Boy shut up and teach me already.”

Russ walked towards the auditorium to practice his lines. He had been working all day, in and out, on his lines to make sure they were A1. He was finally ready to take the stage and practice, in what he would imagine to be a packed house. He walked towards the door. Grabbed the cold handle, and before he could open it, he heard Chanel’s giggle. He knew it anywhere. He also heard a familiar guffaw, but he couldn’t quite make it out. He opened the door, slowly, so he wouldn’t be heard. They wouldn’t hear him anyway, they were in their own world.

“There you go, just like that.”

Russ couldn’t believe his eyes. Chanel and Ralphy were dirty winding, center-stage. Her eyes were closed. Hiding his hands, as his hands gripped her hips. Ralphy’s eyes were wide-open, well, half-open, focused due south.

This nigga stole my bitch!

“WTF is that, Ralphy!”

“Russ, is that Russ?!” She asked looking back at Ralphy.

“Huh, What? Oh.”

“Don’t ‘Is that Russ’ me now muthafuckas. What’s going on up there?!”

“Uhhh, practicing. Why? You Campus PO now?”

“No, but this shit look like cheating to me...”

“Cheating for who? I’m single. Ralphy, you single?”

“Yeah, I am.” Ralphy managed as he stepped from behind her with his hands balled up in a fist, glaring at Russ.

“Ok, I’m kidding, Yall chill!”

“Or, what?” Russ said as he neared center-stage.

“Or get your ass beat fucknigga.” Ralphy said, as he hopped off stage.

“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Imma need oth of yall to take the foot off the gas, because this is starting to look like more than a disagreement.”

“What it look like to you?!” Russ asked with his eyes red as ember.

“It look like yall fighting over property...”

“We aint got no beef here.” Ralphy said looking from Chanel to Russ, fists still balled up.

“Nawl nigga... Guess not.” Russ said as he unclenched his fists and jaw. “No problem at all. Yall have a good practice. See you at tryouts in the morning.” He said, as he backed into the aisle, and bout faced before marching back to the Exit door through which he came.

What was that about?!

Email Chain

From: Russell Russ

To: Dean Dúmás

Subject:

Unfair Selections, HMS Trial Team

Hello Dean Dúmás,

My name is Russell, and I am a freshman here at The University. I am delighted to have been selected to attend this great institution. I believe my admittance, was based on fairness. I expected fairness to be extended to all aspects of my attendance, up to and including, the HMS Trial Team. That was not the case.

Unfortunately, I tried my hardest to be on the team. I spent countless hours practicing my lines. I missed sleep. I missed classes. I did everything; it took, to join the team. I feel, I was unfairly judged. That, plus, my background in theatre should have guaranteed my spot on the team, but I didn’t get that. I should have, but didn’t.

The two couples selected to join, literally couples, were Ralphy, Chanel, Young, and JuJu. They are all dating. They practiced together, and they all made the team. That’s so unfair! Words cannot describe how fed up I am with Gorgeous’ selection process. I can give you more details, over lunch, if you’d like to take the time out to meet with me.

I’m not a sore loser, sir. I’ve lost in life before. However, I took those losses when I shouldn’t have. Had I spoken up then, I could be in a different place today. Those days, are in the past, but my best days are ahead. Help me to realize those days before its too late.

Sincerely,

Chanel and Young sat inside The Dorm talking loudly about The Auction. It was three days away, and they were still disagreeing over the best way to introduce the potential Date options.

“Everyone should come out to their own theme music.” Young said proudly as he checked his fit in the mirror.

“Please tell me you aren’t wearing that?!”

“Stop hating on the Fits, and listen to what I’m tryna tell You.”

Young had his heart seat on giving each Date their own theme music to help set the tone for the show. He wanted the night to be one for the record books. He had caught wind that for the past few years the Date Auction had been struggling. He figured, the best way to spice up more was to add more newness.

“I heard what you said...” Chanel said as she pulled out her phone to check the forecast for the upcoming show date.

“You didn’t hear shit. That’s why you texting while I’m talking.” Young said as he pointed to her reflection in the mirror.

“Shut up Nigga.” She said as she put the phone back in her clutch. “You always choppin!”

“Chanel. I don’t care if you from Houston, or not, it’s called ‘scorin’ NOT ‘choppin’”

“’Scorin’. ‘Choppin’. Whateva. You always doing it and I’m not amused...”

“Whateva bae.” Young said as He began to stare at Chanel licking her lips. “You know you love it...”

“Nigga. I don’t love shit, but money. Annnnndddd that’s what our goal is at the show. Can you focus please??”

“Yes ma’am” He said shrugging His shoulders to combat the cold front in the room.

Damn BrisQuo... You always got it on Ice Box in here...

“Besides Nigga, Angelica wouldn’t want you licking them soup coolers at no one but her...”

She was right.

“I lick my soup coolers at anyone I like,” Young began as he turned back to the mirror to fix his suit and tie.

“You keep changing the subject though. How do you feel about theme music for the Date Auction participants?”

“They did theme music last year, and the year before that.”

Unlike Young, Chanel did her homework. Prior to this meeting, she had a meeting with Gorgeous to discuss the way the Date Auction had gone in previous years. During the meeting, Chanel could tell there was something else she wasn’t being told about the prior date auctions, but she decided not to inquire any further than Gorgeous’ comfort zone. The way Chanel saw it, the Auction was not about property being sold; the Auction was about saving the boobies.

“So since you know so much,” Young said, after finally jimmying his knot correctly, “How about we come out to theme music too?!”

“I don’t know if they’ve done that before...”

“Exactly! Finally, a ‘new’ idea...”

“Fine. You want us to pick our theme music?!”

“Uhh, yeah...”

“Well, if that’s the case, then the participants get to choose their music as well.”

“That’s easy. Isn’t that how it went in the past?”

“No. In the past, the hosts and hostess’ chose the music for the participants.”

“Slave masters...” Young said grinning as he took his seat, opposite Chanel’s seat, on his perch.

“You think everybody slaves Nigga!”

“Maybe. Well, who will gather up the contestant’s song choices? You or me?”

“You can Nigga! Since you’re sooo innovative.”

“Bet.” He responded as he got up to change into basketball shorts and a white tee.

“So you just not going to go to the little boy’s room to change?”

“This My room. You don’t like it, don’t look.” Young said as he dropped his slacks.

“Ugh!” She began as she covered Her eyes (fingers closed) with her left hand. “And since you grabbing songs?...”

“Yeah?!” Young said as he pulled on His shoes. “You can uncover your eyes by the way, I’m decent.” He said shortly.

“Get MY song first!” She yelled as She removed her hand from her eyes.

“Okay. Okay.” He said. “What’s Your song?”

“Scratch that. I’ll get the guy’s songs and you get the girl’s. Deal?”

“Deal!?” Young answered excitedly.

“So how small was it?” Boozer asked.

“Small girl. Small...” Chanel replied.

Chanel and Boozer were both from Houston. Houston is so large though, that they grew up on opposite sides of the proverbial freeway. Boozer was from Madison, Chanel from Cypress. They’d known each other only from Social Media, but when Chanel was running from rhe Dorm, Boozer was one of the only familiar faces she’d seen on her way back to BLP.

“So what you do after you saw IT?!” boozer inquired fully engaged in Their conversation outside The Dorm on the corner.

This beetch need to hurry up with this story. It’s hotter than Satan ballzack out here...

“I ran! Duh!” Chanel said pointing to the sweat on her face accompanied by smeared make-up.

“Guuurrrlll, you better than me...” Boozer responded.

“Everybody better than you!” Jen interjected as She walked up behind the both of Them.

Jen was dressed in red and white Nike Hyperdunks, short “booty shorts”, and a red and white top. The heart on the top, was strategically placed, smack dab in the middle of her breasticles.

It’s what Niggas like, so I like it too!

“Guuurrlll, where you going all dressed up?!” Boozer asked looking over Jen’s outfit.

“I’m walking around campus, headed to my Dorm.” She responded loudly. “Does it matter?!”

“Not really... Just like you don’t.” Boozer exclaimed as she laughed to herself.

“Whatever beetch!?” Jen answered. “Anyway, I’m Jen.” She said turning her attention to Chanel. “I like Red Lobster and chicken butter biscuits.”

“Oh heeeyyy girl!” Chanel answered. “How you doing?!”

“I’m hot af, but aside from that, I’m chilling. What y’all talking about?”

“Nothing girl.” Boozer said dryly.

“A whole lot of nothing!” Chanel added.

“So Y’all not gonna share the wealth?!” Jen responded. “That’s a little fucked up in my opinion.”

“Little things are fucked up in errbody opinion.” Chanel answered quietly.

“What?!” Jen asked readying Her hands for Her trademarked clapping fashion.

Why is this bitch so turnt?

“Welll, before you ‘pop off’, let Me tell You what I saw gurl.”

Chanel recounted Her whole story. She didn’t skip a beat. During her story, Jen’s face went through multiple reactions:

Surprised.

Shocked.

Smiling.

Giggling.

After Chanel finished her story Jen laughed quietly, then finally said:

“I’m not sure what to do with that, but I’m too cute to be out here laughing and giggling about lil’ dicks...”

“Ummm, We all cute...” Boozer corrected.

Boozer was dressed in dunks also, but hers were multi-colored and she also wore matching tights. Her shirt was a Freshie shirt showcasing the Campus’ upcoming Date Auction. She also had a pair of Ray Bans sitting atop Her freshly done 12” Remy hair. To top it all off, she wore a Breast Cancer Awareness wristband that read

“Save the B00bies!”

“What Y’all about to do?” Chanel asked interrupting the Duos banter.

“We aint got no plans.” Boozer answered giving Jen the side-eye glance.

“Whatever Bitch...” Jen responded. “We going to get something to eat. You coming with us... Ummm what’s your name again?!”

“I’m Chanel. From Cypress. I like big Ones, no small ones, and finding snacks.”

“Finding snacks?!” Boozer asked suddenly. “Bitch, we are the snacks!” She said as she snapped her fingers.

“You can say that again...” Jen responded as she rolled her eyes.

“Bitch...We... are... THE... Snacks..” Boozer responded rolling her eyes in a similar fashion.

These chicks are crazier than me. I like it!

“Hey.” Chanel said suddenly looking at Boozer’s chest. “What’s a Date Auction?”

“Beetch, I don’t know!” Boozer exclaimed. “It was free and it matched my outfit so I wore it.”

“How don’t you know what a Date Auction is?” Jen asked as She gently turned Boozer around by her shoulders to read the back of her shirt.

“Why you care Lil Red Riding Hood?” Boozer asked angrily.

“Based on the back of YOUR shirt,” Jen began, “They selling dates for Men and Women.”

“What kind of dates?!” Chanel asked suddenly interested.

“The kind you go on...” Jen answered.