#celestial ball

With Ball Fever taking the castle by storm, Diego Caplan had seen a unique opportunity arise. It turned out that Jae Kim was not the only wizard in his year with entrepreneurial spirit, for Diego had managed to make a small fortune in the last few weeks. While Jae had been brewing beautification potion — or at least stewing something that could pass for beautification potion — Diego had been giving his female classmates private lessons on his specialist subject.

Kissing.

And he was something of an specialist, if he did say so himself. He had kissed more girls than any of the other boys in his year group. A Sickle a lesson was a fair price to pay for such a level of expertise. Clearly, the girls thought so. He was fully booked until next Thursday.

His next client was due to arrive at any moment: Belladonna Beauchamp. Hers was not a name that Diego recognised, and as he waited for her to arrive, Diego found himself hoping that she was decent looking — not that he wouldn’t give her a quality service if she wasn’t, of course. Thankfully, when the door opened, in walked a remarkably pretty girl with blonde hair and brown eyes, dressed in a Ravenclaw uniform. She was rather petite, and not overly familiar looking. Probably a third year.

“Hi, are you Diego?” she asked.

“I certainly am. Belladonna?”

Belladonna nodded, her hair tumbling around her shoulders as she did. Diego held his hand out towards the chair opposite him, and she took it. As she handed him a single silver coin, he took a better look at her face. Her skin was so clear it almost seemed to glow, and her lips were so full that Diego was surprised that no one would have kissed her before.

“Are you nervous?” he asked. She giggled slightly.

“Um, a little. We’ve played spin the bottle in my dormitory a few times, if you could imagine that...”

Diego could definitely imagine that. In fact, it was only the sound of someone coughing in the corridor outside that distracted him from imagining that.

“But I’ve never kissed a boy before, not properly,” continued Belladonna. “This will be my first real kiss.”

“Well, there’s nothing to be worried about,” Diego reassured her. “Kissing is very simple, as long as you don’t overthink it. It’s like dancing — just trust your instincts and follow a lead. That’s where I come in. I’ll lead, you follow. Ready?”

Belladonna nodded her head, and ever so slowly, Diego leaned in and kissed her. She returned his kiss, her lips closed. She was not bad, especially for a relative beginner, and he told her so once he had pulled away.

“How do you feel about trying again, with tongues this time?”

“Hmm…” Belladonna’s teeth grazed her bottom lip for a moment before she smiled, revealing a set of perfectly straight white teeth. “Oh, go on then.”

This time, when Diego kissed her, she did not only kiss him back, but she did so passionately. It was like a tango between them, and he wasn’t even sure that he was the one leading anymore. By the time her hands came to rest on either side of his face, he was so lost in the kiss that he almost forgot that he was supposed to be teaching her — not that she needed much instruction.

“Are you sure you’ve never… UGH!”

As he pulled away to ask his question and opened his eyes, Diego was filled with revulsion. If it weren’t for her hands holding him still, he would have recoiled from Belladonna.

Except it wasn’t Belladonna that was sitting with him anymore.

Gone were the bouncy blonde waves and chocolate-brown eyes, the peachy skin and full, tempting lips. Belladonna’s face had grown sallow, her nose crooked, her hair black and lank and greasy. This wasn’t Belladonna.

This was Professor Snape.

As Diego swore and retched, Snape doubled over laughing, cackling and snorting. He screwed up his face and it changed again, becoming heart-shaped, framed by a shock of raspberry-pink hair.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” Diego half-shouted. “Tonks!”

Outside the door, a second peal of laughter sounded, and in walked Tulip Karasu. Tonks winked at her.

“Told you it would be worth lending me your spare uniform.”

Tulip smirked. “Yes, you were correct. That was fantastic.”

“But, really, Diego?” Tonks sighed. “I can’t believe you fell for it again.”

Neither could Diego. He hadn’t believed it last time, or the five times before that. He scowled at the pair of them, both now almost breathless with laughter.

“Haven’t you run out of Sickles yet?” he grumbled.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Clearly bored of him, the girls left the room, arm-in-arm. Before the door shut behind them, Tonks turned back around and blew him a kiss. “Until next time, lover boy.”

There would not be a next time. Diego would make sure of that. He shuddered as he looked at the chair Tonks had left vacant.