#catpaw

“They got names?” 

They’ve been doing this more;  the two of them squished onto the pullout sofa late at night after Al’s gone to bed, thighs touching but not touching, watching but not watching whatever’s on the TV. Tonight the whole apartment smells sweetly of smoke and the Chinese takeout on the coffee table, teetering on a pile of knives Wade doesn’t even remember buying. Or stealing. Acquiring, perhaps.  

“D’who have names?” He’s confused, because Logan hasn’t more than grunted in the last hour as Wade talked over the This Old House rerun they were watching. He turns to the wall and tsk’s. “Don’t question it. You wanted to, but you’re not going to, because This Old House is a national fucking treasure.”

“That!” Logan waves a hand in the direction of Wade’s aside. “Those fucks- the people in your head, the ones you talk to. ‘The folks at home’, or ‘marvel executives’ whatever the fuck those are, whoever it is you keep talking to like you think I can’t hear. They got names?”

Wade pauses for a long moment, takes a deep drag from the blunt before holding it out to Logan between two fingers like a classy lady in one of those old Hollywood glamour movies.

“You ever seen Fleabag?” 

“Wade what the fuck.” 

“The show, Fleabag, with the tall lady and that guy from Sherlock 2012? Except he’s much hotter in this because there’s none of that insipid Moffatt misogyny weighing him down. The Irish one, he’s the bad guy Moriarity, with the whole bomb in the pool thing? Which bee-tee-dubs, is entirely the wrong Sherlock Holmes twenty-tens show to have gotten popular, Elementary was so much better. That was the one on CBS in New York with Lucy Liu? Who was such a good casting choice if you’re gonna genderbend Watson, she really embodied that role, and those pantsuits? Killer. Of course, I have just loved her since Ally McBeal, but I do think Elementary showcased her range as a performer-

“Would you shut the fuck up about Lucy Liu?”

Logan looks pissed, but no more so than usual with his whole I’ve never smiled in my life bullshit, so Wade just tilts his head and waits, watching Logan smoke until he finally lets out a deep sigh and motions for him to continue.

“Fleabag.”

“Right, so you know how she talks to the camera? Because she understands she exists within a narrative, as opposed to mockumentary style where the camera is a character inside the story.”

“Yeah?”

“That’s who they are.” Wade points to the middle of the wall, about halfway down where there’s nothing but a brownish stain that could be hot sauce, ketchup, or Wade’s blood, no one knows and no one cares to check. 

“Do they got a name?” And he wasn’t expecting that because no one had ever heard Wade talk about the fourth dimension on the other side of the screen inside his head and asked follow up questions. 

“I assume? I mean, I think so. Everyone has a name. But they’re more, collective? Amalgamous. Ooh, nice word choice, almagamous, we are sounding very smart and grown up right now.” Logan still looks confused and vaguely annoyed, but he hasn’t told Wade to shut up yet so he assumes it’s safe to continue. “It’s Blue’s Clues versus The Office. The audience is a character that exists outside the narrative. When Jim locks eyes with the camera, he’s acknowledging the character of the cameraman. When Steve asks You to help him, he’s acknowledging the character of the audience.” 

“You lost me at the cartoon dog.”

Fuck it *draws all my ttrpg characters as goofy little sprites or something*