#cativi

caitvi doodles

oh, of course. i think vi absolutely haunted her. maybe not as literally as Caitlyn haunted Vi but y'know

i think it was very fraught for Caitlyn. i think she took great pains to NOT think about vi and was very frustrated when all that effort was inevitably wasted.

cait's coping mechanism might not be as obviously self-harming as vi's but i do think she was being destructive with herself. she was working herself HARD. she was bathing in her grief. i really think a lot of what Caitlyn did to cope and fuel herself through her tenure as commander was a lot of mentally gnawing on herself to keep the pain and anger fresh, because she needed that fuel. she never really seemed to get a taste for cruelty and brutality, as much as she was willing (sometimes even eager) to indulge those things when she thought it would accomplish one of her goals

but like - being in Zaun? she'd be trying so hard to see Jinx in the face of everyone down there, but you know she thought about vi more often than she wanted to. she probably resented vi and yearned for her in equal measure, then hated herself for pushing vi away, then hated herself for still wanting vi and then at some point in that cycle she probably went to go spar or fuck maddie or stare at her murder board for a distraction

also like - she definitely thought about vi in bed. I'm sure she felt frustrated and/or guilty about it, but you know sometimes she probably gave in and closed her eyes and let her mind wander so she could get off and be done with it