#cat replies

"It wasn't your fault."

"You don't know that. If I was stronger, maybe he wouldn't... We'd find a way to protect—" Atsushi stopped, eyes wide.

"Protect what?" Fyodor asked gently. It was a pivotal moment. If he pushed the boy too far now, he could lose him. But if he played his cards right, this could be his win.

He was so close.

"I can't tell you," Atsushi sobbed. "I promised him. I can't disappoint him."

Finally all the pieces Fyodor had been gathering for weeks created a full picture. The depth of the Atsushi's grief could only be explained in one way.

"You loved him."

Atsushi's eyes widened. For a second, he looked like the scared, wounded animal he was when Fyodor had found him in the forest.

"I... I did," Atsushi said. It sounded like a surrender. "He was everything to me."

Fyodor took the boy's tear-streaked face in his hands, caressed his cheeks. Violence was an easy method, but the smallest acts of tenderness seemed to melt Atsushi in to a puddle so easily under Fyodor’s fingers.

"He knew that and he still left you. You don't owe him anything. He didn't free you, only put you from one cage into another."

Death thrummed beneath Fyodor's skin, just like beneath Atsushi's. They were both cursed with an ability that repulsed them. Maybe no one else in the world could understand Fyodor's goal as much as Atsushi.

When he said the next words, they weren't just a part of a calculated plan, years in the making. It was a promise Fyodor truly intended to fulfill.

You remember the exact moment you knew Spencer was the one. After about a month of everything being as perfect as it could be (taking into consideration the fact that his job takes him all over the country), Spencer came to your house for a movie night. The movie was long forgotten because you two were two busy asking each other questions. A thousand questions. A million. You just know you spent the rest of the evening and most of the night telling stuff to each others, stolen kisses in between.

Does he like to go out and party or stay home? Would he like to go camping or clubbing? What does he think about abortion? Why does he think people decide to be vegan? What does he think about those people? Would he ever want to become vegan? What if he won fifty-thousand dollars? What if you won fifty-thousand dollars? What if you lost fifty-thousand dollars? What would he do if he didn’t have his job? What would you do? What would he change about his body? Will he be there for you? Can you count on him? Can he count on you? Will you decide things together or will he try to decide them for you? What if he’s suddenly hit with depression? What if you are? What if you get a hobby that takes you away every weekend? Would you two move away for work? What if you get a job promotion? What if his mom doesn’t like you? Are there relatives one of you just can’t abide? How do you spend the holidays? What are your deal breakers? What would make you walk away? What if one of you gets into debt? What does his retirement plan look like? Would he ever want to buy a house? What if you can’t agree on the type of house you like?

“I really don’t care what our future house looks like, Y/N, as long as I have enough space for all my books and you can hang your paintings up the walls.” It was when he said our instead of mine that you knew. He was planning on sticking around.

♪

It's not a walk in the park

To love each other

But when our fingers interlock

Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it

♪

From a young age, you had prepared yourself to be perfectly alone. You did believe in love, but as a plus size woman who dated several thin men over your lifetime, no relationship lasting the one-year mark, you accepted the fact that there’s no such thing as forever. Especially when it comes to relationships. For a long time, you thought you just had horrible taste in men. People ghost. They fetishize. Those who seemed nice in their profiles turn out to be total fuckboys after the first date.

Spencer does none of those things. He tells his friends about you, he takes you on dates for everyone to see, he strategically move closer to me when you’re at bars together and some other guy is giving you judgmental looks. He does his best to discover what pleases you. He never insists on getting intimate, but he takes his time in getting to know your body, asking questions and letting you tell all you want to experiment with together. He even turns it into a game, a sensual game designed to enhance the experience for both of you.

Over the years, you’ve built a life together. Some people assume he’s making you stay big or would no longer love you if you were to lose weight. People assume that he loves you only because of your size, and not for your personality. That's just not true. Not only does he remind you that he sees you as wonderful on a daily basis,

Spencer pays you sincere, sweet compliments that make you feel good and are about more than what you look like. He completely accepts you — rolls, flab, fat, fiesty personality, stretch marks and all. He’s a skinny guy. He’s tall. He’s got good cheekbones. You hate how many times you’ve been told by people that you two look so cute together in a condescending tone. It’s objectifying! It’s reducing you to your body, which is gross.

Before you got into this relationship, you had just found the fat acceptance movement and body positivity. You haven’t been plus-size your whole life, but you’ve always been overweight. Back then, you used to think that you would be lucky to have someone love you. Spencer was the first man who treated you right. He acted correctly, and because of the way we as a society talk to plus women about their bodies, you feel like you need to give him some credit. But in reality, he just acted the way a good person should act. Some people ask you if the relationship with Spencer helped you with your body, but you’re proud to say that your answer is no — it was yourself. You did a lot of internal work. You were the one who changed your view about what kind of love you should accept and deserve. Of course having him tell you that you are beautiful and enough helps, but you’re confident because of yourself. And now, with Spencer, you never doubt that you’re worthy of love, no matter what.

With Spencer by your side, you own that. You’re confident. You’re bold. You stay true to yourself and what you want and don’t settle for less than that. The fact that he is always here rooting for you makes your heart sing.

♪

I should be over all the butterflies

But I'm into you

And baby even on our worst nights

I'm into you

♪

From a young age, you had prepared yourself to be perfectly alone. You did believe in love, but as a plus size woman who dated several thin men over your lifetime,

No relationship lasting the one-year mark, you accepted the fact that there’s no such thing as forever. Especially when it comes to relationships. For a long time, you thought you just had horrible taste in men.

Spencer changed that perception. You remember your first fight as a couple, the details are somewhat fuzzy now, but you remember the way he brought the issue up and how sincere he was in wanting to work through things in order to get to a better place together. It was that night that you two promised not to retreat, feelings hurt, to your sides of the bed and close off, but to express your feelings and try to work things out, every single time.

Being honest with each other entails putting in the time to figure out how the two of you show affection. Spencer loves paying you compliments, but you realize that he actually enjoys showing you how much he cares through actions. Sometimes it’s a romantic dinner or an unexpected lunch during the work day, sometimes it looks like him taking out the trash for you or bringing you breakfast in bed — anything to show how much he cares. Not only that, but, as your relationship progresses, he tells you that he could lay beside you for hours, and not speak one word, but as long as you held his hand — he would feel loved. Even when you don’t see him for weeks on end, he lets you know that when you see each other he will be truly present and loving.

From walking in the park to waiting in a doctor’s office, holding hands is something Spencer likes to do almost anywhere. With the passing of time, you two get in the habit of giving hugs and small kisses before leaving home or when returning after several hours away. Whenever he has a tough case, you hold him close until his worries melt away. Using your fingers, you gently comb the curls away from his face while also gently stroking his scalp. You notice all the loving glances he casts your way every time you put your hand on his arms while he’s talking, letting him know you are listening. He even takes one of your slept-in T-shirts with him when he’s away on cases, so he can still enjoy your scent while he’s away.

You enjoy giving him presents. It doesn’t mean you drop large amounts of money on extravagant, luxury gifts for Spencer. Rather, it means giving him things you know for sure he’ll enjoy — a new edition of one of his favorite books, a funny pair of socks, a sewing kit for him to take care of his satchel bag and many other things you buy just because they remind you of him — and it goes a long way, every time you give him something in wrapping paper, you see how fulfilled he looks.

He smiles, shaking his head when you buy him the watch he was looking at, stating “it’s unnecessary” but you know how he treasures your gifts, wearing the socks until they have holes in them, reading the book over and over again, keeping parts of you close at all times.

The way you think and feel is different, the way you communicate is different. He tends to be more intellectual and direct and you’re more emotional, your thoughts can be all over the place. But now, you’ve hit this amazing place of understanding and are so much in sync. He’s the one that wipes the tears dry when you’re upset. He is the one who keeps you steady when all you want to do is collapse. He puts a lot of effort not let your relationship tumble down the priority list after spending so long together.

♪

Recount the night that I first met your mother

And on the drive back to my house

I told you that, I told you that I loved ya

You felt the weight of the world

Fall off your shoulder

♪

After only a few months together, he invited you over for dinner with his mother, because he wanted you to spend quality time together. Because he believes that you’re going to be around for a long time and that you should start getting to know your future in-law as soon as possible.

When you meet Diana Reid, your first impression of her is that you can see how the little things like her sense of humor or the way she smiles turned Spencer into who he is. It’s kind of amazing to meet the parents of someone you love and then see their qualities reflected in their parents.

You sit through his mother showing you probably every baby picture that had ever been taken of him. See all the awkward school year photos and the university years. His relationship with his mother is a big part of his life, and will go on whether you’re in the picture or not, so you know having you and her meet is something very important to him.

Spencer adores his mom, sends her flowers on Mother’s Day and never forgets her birthday. He does much of the same when it comes to you. You’re dealing with a guy who was raised to love women, and knows how to show it.

The day you meet Diana is also the day you figure out that what you feel for Spencer is not just infatuation, is not just passion, it is full-fledged, warts and all, love. And that this is the man you want beside you for the rest of time.

With his mother's full approval and a few questions regarding when you two would be giving her grandchildren, he decided to take you to meet the team. The only people that he spends more time with than you is his coworkers, and he thinks that you deserve to meet each other, since you’re always hearing so many stories about each other.

With all his attention to detail, you weren't surprised when he asked you to marry him with the most beautiful vintage diamond ring. As you accepted, tears rolling down your cheeks, you couldn't believe how happy you were. You still can't.

♪

And to your favorite song

We sang along to the start of forever

And after all this time, I'm still into you

♪

You tell Spencer he’ll be a father on the dance floor of your wedding. You’re not sure how you managed to hide it for so long, your dress had to be altered at least four times before the ceremony, but somehow he didn’t notice. You want to tell him but neither of would want to make a scene at your first dance, so you decide to save this little moment just for the two of you. So when he holds you tightly and cries happily into your neck as you dance, everyone else just assume it’s because he’s emotional at finally being married.

You two are so entranced in your own little bubble, telling each other that you’re the happiest you’ve ever been, that you almost don’t notice the camera capturing the moment. You look into the lens with a wide grin and see happy tears rolling down your husband’s face as he holds you by your waist. You’re glad that this moment will be captured forever in a photograph. You’re sure one day you’ll show it to your children.

You spend the rest of the evening like that, dancing next to each other, not wanting to let go.

♪

Well, some things just, some things just make sense

And one of those is you and I

♪

You always knew he was someone who did everything with conviction and enthusiasm, but he took it to another level as you told him you were pregnant.

It is just as important for dads as it is for moms to be emotionally ready when having a baby. Nine months gives time for dads to read about babies and what to expect, but Spencer takes it, as usually, to another level. He takes parenting classes, reads child psychology books, baby proofs your house, asks his friends for all the tips, organizes your appointments, goes shopping with you to choose items for your baby. Spencer starts keep a journal about how he's feeling and take lots of pictures of you throughout the pregnancy as well. He asks you about all the important things. Are both of you all-in on breastfeeding? Do you want the baby to sleep in a crib in their own room as soon as you get home? Will both of you be working? What are your plans for child care?

While his work schedules could prevent him from attending every appointment, the two of you make sure to create a schedule that allows him to be there as much as possible.

Your pregnancy is a time of many changes, both physically and emotionally. It is a time of learning to embrace your body in a way you never thought would be possible.

One of the immediate challenges of going from two to three in a family is that your child is going to get the majority the attention for the foreseeable future. When people seem to only want to talk about your baby, you notice that Spencer seems content to take a back seat for once. He smiles every time he says "my family"or when people ask him if he has children.

Another challenge is the morning sickness, when a simple smell can make you throw up your morning breakfast, meaning that you can't be useful to yourself, let alone someone else. Spencer always steps up to take care of you without getting grossed out or complaining. You notice that when one of those days he tells you to sit in the tub while he scrubs you and washes you hair, not caring if his clothes get wet.

It is a seemingly ordinary moment. One in the thousands of moments you've shared together, but it's a quiet glimpse into the depths of your husband's character. Depths that reveal themselves to you layer by layer, one shining trait at a time.

You're so thankful Spencer is your co-parent because his excitement and commitment inspire you too. Parenthood has allowed you to see him clearly and fully. And you plan on doing that for the moments still to come, the big and the ordinary. Every day, the man you married gives you more and more reasons to fall deeply in love.