#castiel reader insert

Having Castiel around was pleasant, if a little surreal. You’d always considered him a friend, but it wasn’t the same. Previously you’d only really been around each other on the hunt. Or if Cas was involved, more like stopping an apocalypse. Your relationship had been entirely based on proximity, and necessity. There was never really time to bond beyond that. Until now. 

You’d decided to attempt retirement a while ago. You’d found a job and started subletting a decent apartment from a friend of a friend, on the preface that they could still crash on the couch when travelling across country. The hunting trade was a small world after all. 

In fact, your new landlord was exactly who you’d expected to see when someone came knocking on your door in the middle of the night. Not a tired, bloodied, and bruised Angel. Confused, you’d let him in, patched his wounds, cleaned him up, and let him sleep it off in your bed. After almost 48 hours of continuous sleep, he’d explained everything to you, thanked you for your hospitality, and told you he’d be out of your hair soon. You’d assertively informed him that the only place he would be going is from your bed, to your couch. 

From there you easily fell into a routine together, effortlessly bonded over shared experiences, old and new. It was nice, seeing his toothbrush next to yours, bringing home his favourite takeout every Tuesday. When he worked the early shift, he’d always make you a coffee before he left, on the late shifts he’d bring home a bottle of your favourite. He did the dishes, and you did the laundry. You were a secure little domestic team.

The surrealness came when you realised just how much you enjoyed it. You welled up with pride whenever he complimented something you’d cooked him from scratch. Starting your morning in his presence calmed any nerves, and on stressful days, coming home to dinner and a film with Cas was your respite. 

You were confused by the bitterness you felt when he called you one night to say he would be home late, citing a date with his boss, Nora. You were truly sad, but relieved when he informed you he had misread the invitation. That he was actually there to babysit. That’s when it hit you. Somewhere along the way, in between all the household chores, and the late-night Hulu binging, you’d fallen for him. 

You’d always thought he was hot, ever since he’d introduced himself as ‘Castiel, an Angel of the Lord’ all those years ago. However, you no longer needed to accidentally catch him leaving the shower, or bending under a table to feel flushed. Ever since the figurative penny dropped, all it took was a smile, or the brush of your chests in a tight hall to make you blush. 

Thoughts of Castiel and your myriad of complex feelings now plagued you, particularly as you lay in bed at night, knowing he was only feet away from you, just on the other side of your paper-thin walls. Paper-thin walls that did nothing to protect you from the sudden and deafeningly loud sound of the TV at 2AM. 

Not bothering to throw on bottoms, you stumble to your bedroom door in just a camisole and panties. The sight of Cas sitting on the couch, clad in nothing but boxers, desperately fiddling with the remote in an attempt to turn down the volume greeted you upon entry to the living room. 

Upon noticing you, Cas drops the remote and hastily reaches for his discarded comforter to cover himself with. In turn you rotated your entire body, averting your gaze in favour of the wall, primarily to respect his privacy, secondarily to hide the blush creeping up your cheeks. 

“I’m so sorry!” You blurt.

“It’s okay.” He responds quietly. “I’m sorry for the noise. I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“It’s okay.” You repeat back to him. “I was awake, I couldn’t sleep either. You just made me jump.” 

“You can look now.” He informs you. Hoping the dim light from the TV doesn’t reveal too much of the colour in your face, you spin back. He was now covered from the waist down, but you couldn’t help noticing his bare chest, particularly the definition between his pecs, and the sharpness of his collarbones.

“I guess I’ll leave you to it.” You say, trying to re-direct your eyes to any other part of the room. 

“Unless…” He gestures to the television. “Would you care to join me?” 

“Sure.” You answer hesitantly. You weren’t sleeping anyway, what was the worst that could happen?

Castiel smiles amiably at you before returning his attention to the remote. You linger in your spot as he begins flicking through the different apps. When he makes no effort to locate and put on trousers you slowly settle down next to him, careful to leave enough distance to prevent any accidental skin-on-skin contact. 

“So, what are we watching?” 

 ————-

You vaguely recall falling asleep around 40 minutes into a Capra film, but when and how you’d nestled yourself against your flatmate was a mystery. Despite your instinct to jerk away, you remain still when you feel his fingers brushing against your bare shoulder. Between the warmth of his skin on yours, and the soothing beat of his heart, you are soon lulled close to sleep once again. Until the sound of Cas’ low voice in your ear rouses you. “Are you awake?” 

When you nod, he continues, “Is this okay?”

You nod again, and quietly add, “This is wonderful.”

You can’t see his expression from your current position, but he exhales, and you think he sounds relieved. 

It could be the scarcity of sleep, a ‘mind after midnight’ mirage, but this is when it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, he could be interested in you too. Why else would be lying beneath you, half-naked and seemingly completely at ease? Doubtful that you’d ever have this courage again you tilt your head up to look at him and ask; “Do you ever think about us?”

“I do.” He responds, he looks perplexed, which admittedly was his default expression.

“Do you ever think about us, as more than this?” When he doesn’t immediately answer, you resume. “You know, like romantically? Or even intimately?” 

“I frequently think of you amorously.” He speaks tentatively, each word spoken very deliberately. “When Metatron took my grace from me, I never imagined that this was how my life would go. Of course, I never thought that my grace would be taken, or that I would live among humans as one of them in the first place.”

He seems to take a moment to compile his thoughts, sucking his bottom lip in concentration. You remain silent. Hoping he can’t feel the rapid thrum of your heart.

“I thought at first that I was broken. The fall, losing my wings was bad enough, but now, without my angelic abilities, I can’t do anything. Well, nothing of merit, at least where the needs of humankind are concerned.”

“That’s not true.” You interject, you move to sit up, to be at eye level with him, but due to your already precarious position, the only way to do so is by shifting a leg over his lap, thus straddling him.

“I know that now.” He says as he grips your wrists and brings them to his shoulders, offering you extra support. “Without meaning to overstep, or make you uncomfortable, but living with- existing beside you has been a far more fulfilling experience than most of the things I have accomplished in the many billions of years I have existed.

I have very little practice in the ways of human sexuality, and even less so with courtship. However, I would be honoured, and extremely happy if you would allow me to explore such things, with you.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“If you will have me, I am yours.” 

There's a tense moment of silence between you both in which neither of you dare to break eye contact before you surge to him. You instigate the kiss, but Cas is fast to take control, his arms pull your body to him, driving your lips to press hard against his. When he rocks his hips up, kneading his semi-hard cock against your clothed core, you gasp. Cas immediately slips his tongue between your lips. You can’t hold back the groan that escapes you. His mouth tastes like coffee and artificial grape. You savour the feel and aroma of his lips before pulling back momentarily. 

“Only if I can be yours too.” You finally respond before he’s on you again. You freely open up for him, allowing him to explore your mouth once more. His tongue eagerly swirls against yours, exploring every crevice. His hands drop to clutch your waist, holding you in place as he ruts against you from below. 

It was you who broke the kiss again, locking your eyes with him as you climb off his lap. 

“Let me take care of you.” You chime as you drop to your knees on the floor below him. Cas quickly follows, sitting up straight, and planting his legs on either side of you. The comforter banished to the other end of the sofa.  

“You… You look so beautiful like that. On your knees.” He smiles down at you and reaches out to cup your face, strong fingers gently brush along your jaw before his thumb extends up to your lips. You press a kiss to its pad before parting your lips and taking him in. His skin tastes clean, with a hint of salt, and something florally. 

“Let me suck your cock.” You state, voice muffled by the pressure on your tongue.

His cheeks are tinted pink. You’re unsure if it's from arousal or nerves but he stands to pull off his boxers and settles back down. You can’t help but lick your lips when his cock is revealed, it's long and already hard. 

You don’t waste any time, immediately situating your tongue on the underside of his shaft and running it from tip to hilt. You stop momentarily to plant a kiss on his balls, before running back up his length. When you look back up Cas is watching you intensely, brow furrowed, lids heavy, lips between his teeth. You smile before wrapping your mouth around his cock. Pausing only slightly when you feel Cas cup the back of your head. 

You inch yourself down his length slowly, getting a feel for him, his thickness, and how much you can take at once. When you feel his tip hit the back of your throat, you pull back, before bobbing back down. The sound of Castiel’s’ hitched breathing drives you until you’re relaxed enough to take him completely. His thickness stretches your throat, making your eyes water, his pubic hair tickles your nose, and the look of bliss on his face makes your pussy drip. 

After a few seconds, you come back up for air, but the relief in your lungs only lasts a second before you feel Cas’ fists tighten against your scalp. 

“You look even better with my cock in your mouth.” He grunts as he pushes you back down. “You feel so good.”

Unable to respond, you hum your affirmation, drool escaping the corners of your mouth. Cas moans his approval, eyes and head lolling back for a moment before he plants his other hand firmly on the back of your head, holding you in place as he shifts to the edge of the couch and begins bucking his hips into your mouth. 

You plant your hands around his calves to steady yourself, and keep them out of the way as he continues to use your mouth. His thrusts grow heavier, his moans raspier, as you fight your need for air. Your cunt growing hotter, wetter every second, while your throat closes, and your head grows dizzy from the lack of air.

When he finally lets you go, your lungs are burning. You lean back, unable to control the wild rise and fall of your chest as you pant for air. Your lips feel sore, swollen, but your pussy aches. 

“I’m sorry.” Cas reaches over to cradle your face, tentatively brushing the tears from your eyes. “Was that too much?” 

“No! No not at all.” You whisper between breaths. You reach out for his hand, and he takes it. His head tilts to one side as he looks down at you sceptically. You smile back as you guide him between your legs. You brush his fingers against your panties, encouraging him to feel the wetness soaking through the fabric.

“I did that? I made you this wet?” He asks. When you nod his mouth cracks into a smile.

Within seconds he drops to his knees before you, pulling you in for another hot, open-mouthed kiss. Your tongues meet in another fierce, uncontrolled kiss. You cry out into his mouth when you feel his fingers press firmly against your clit, rubbing you through the thin fabric of your underwear.

Without warning Cas clutches onto your panties and pulls until the elastic snaps. He releases the offending article and quickly returns to your wetness. He strokes your clit repeatedly, swallowing your moans, holding you to his chest to prevent you from involuntarily withering away.

You break your lips away from his just long enough to plead; “Fuck me Cas, please fuck me with your fingers.”

He doesn’t hesitate to do as asked, immediately delving two fingers into your pussy. Once situated inside, he massages them against your walls, feeling you out and making you sputter. You grip his shoulders for support, digging your nails into his skin as he starts to thrust in and out of you.

“Like this?” He questions, you’re not sure if he’s being coy, if he’s teasing. Or if he truly is curious. Either way, you’re too gone to really answer. You open your mouth but all that comes out are a series of strangled whimpers. The feel of his thumb returning to your clit, gently brushing just the right spot, pushes you to breaking point. 

“I’m- I – ahhh.” You cry, trying to warn him. When you jerk your head back there is resistance. Cas releases his hold on your back, to grips your head forward. You peek up at him through half-lidded eyes, Cas stares, his blue eyes bare down on you, unblinking. If you weren’t already cumming, that would have been enough. 

You lean into Castiel’s body as you come back down, limp, and incoherent. A low hum escapes you as Cas languidly removes his fingers from inside you and brings them to his lips. You watch lazily as he gives them a tentative sniff before placing them in his mouth. His face seems to melt, and he closes his eyes, visibly savouring the taste. 

When he’s done, he grins at you and ponders aloud; “I’m not sure which is better.”

Still unable to string two words together you watch him, waiting for him to continue.

“The way you look when you reach orgasm, or the way you taste.” 

Instantly your cheeks begin to burn, and heat pools between your legs again. Without a second thought you reach down, grabbing your cami by the hem and lifting it over your head, your entire body now exposed to Castiel. 

He’s on you again in an instant. His mouth latches to one of your nipples, rapidly but lightly his tongue darts over the sensitive nip. Both hands come up to cup each breast. His fingers pinch and roll at your other exposed nipple. When you feel his teeth grazing the sensitive skin you flinch, fisting your hands into his hair. 

“Cas, please!” You gasp.

“Please what?” He responds, speech distorted by his refusal to remove his mouth from your body. 

“Please take me to bed.” You whine, needlessly pulling at his hair to garner his attention. “Please Castiel, take me to bed-”

You’re interrupted by the jolt of your body being lifted. Cas continues his oral assault, kissing, sucking, nipping at your neck as he carries you back to your bed. He sits himself on the edge of your bed and positions you to straddle him once again. You pull his attention back from your neck, sinking your lips onto his as you guide him down, until he’s lying face up.

You lean back and he sucks in a breath as you wrap your hand around the base of his cock. You line him up at your entrance and he begins gradually rocking into you. You steadily sink down, the feel of his cock stretching you out making you shudder. Cas’s head rolls back, he bites his lip and grips your hips, barely fighting not to slam you down onto him.

When his cock is fully inside, you pull back up until only the tip remains inside before you drop back onto him.

With a loud moan, Cas engulfs your body with his own and flips you over. He holds you beneath him with the weight of his own body as he gives a few shallow, testing thrusts. Satisfied he begins building pace and force, until the sound of skin slapping against skin can be heard between ragged breaths and moans. You raise your lower body, trying to match his rhythm but his hands lock onto your hips and push them down, pinning you to the bed.

His lips are tight between his teeth, his brow furrowed, and his skin glows with a sheen of sweat. You can’t help but paw at his shoulders, bringing him down so you can plant kisses on his face and neck.

“Cas, fuck. Castiel that feels so good.” You praise.

In response, he catches your lips in a desperate kiss, all tongues and teeth and jumbled sounds that may once have been words. Your toes begin to curl, as your climax grows near. You lock your fingers in Castiel's hair, pulling his face away as you arch your back. Your eyes close tight as you chant his name.

“I love it when you moan my name.” He murmurs in your ear. He releases your hips, and grips your face, forcing it back up. Your eyes peek open as growls his next words. “Look at me, and don’t stop saying my name.”

At that, the tension in your cunt snaps. Your body jerks and your walls clench around him as you hit your climax. Castiel rides you through it, his strides slowing, but he continues fucking into you at a steady pace until he’s seemingly overcome by his own orgasm. His movements becoming laboured and erratic, he pants your name through gritted teeth as he spills his cum inside you.

You remain wrapped up in your position as you come down from your highs, the warmth of his breath tickles your neck, and your chests collide as you fight to catch your breath. Your mind races, trying to find the right thing to say next, not wanting to spoil your post-orgasm bliss. Eventually, you nudge his shoulder, and he moved away, allowing you to sit up. His cum seeps out of you as you do. Before you can make a move to clean it up Cas attains the tissues from your dresser and begins delicately wiping you down.

“Thank you.” You smile at him as he finishes and begins to clean himself up.

“I… ah.” He smiles back at you, still flushed from your activities. “I feel I should be the one thanking you.”

You laugh at the absurdity of his statement, especially after the performance he’d just given. Cas soon reciprocates your laughter. You stretch your arms out, inviting him back in for an embrace and he eagerly obliges, wrapping his arms around you and falling back against your mattress.

“Will you sleep in here, with me tonight?” Your eyes catch the clock on your bedside, and you note that it is almost sunrise. “Or, for the rest of the morning?”

It was a Friday night. You had just gotten off work, ordered a pizza, popped your favorite playlist in your speakers, and were currently dancing around and vacuuming your living room. Ah, domesticities. It was always a nice feeling to be done for the weekend, to have a job you could hang up for a few days and not worry about until Monday morning rolled around. Not like hunting, with its worries that clung tight to you all hours of every day. After finishing your cleaning task, you flopped to the couch, clicking through the TV to find a suitable show to binge alongside your food. 

Two crisp knocks at the door pulled you from your search. That was quick, you thought to yourself. You practically skipped to the kitchen to grab your purse, wanting to hand the delivery driver a few extra dollars for the particularly speedy service. But when you swung the door open, more than just the chilly evening air sent a wave of shock your way. 

“Oh my God,” was about all you could whisper. In front of you stood Castiel, though he didn’t look much like his usual self. He wore a sweatshirt you didn’t recognize and had a slightly unkempt, unshaven look to him. But beyond his appearance, it didn’t feel like Cas. His shoulders were slumped over as if he was carrying the weight of them for the first time. He wore an expression so tired, so hurt, that your heart broke at the sight of it. 

“Cas, honey. What happened?” 

“I don’t have my grace. I… lost it. They told me I couldn’t stay. I didn’t want to bother you, but… I didn’t know where else to go.” 

“Oh, Cas. Come in, God, come in.” Your brow furrowed as you gestured for him to enter, concern filling your body. What had you missed? Why didn’t he have his grace? Why wasn’t he with Sam and Dean?

Cas gingerly stepped through your door, barely making it inside the threshold before turning to you, as if he was waiting to follow your lead.

“Come, come sit,” you beckoned him after you, leading him into the living room and patting a seat for him on the couch. He sat, glancing around your room before landing his gaze back to you. You could tell there was something different about him- it was like he was seeing everything around him for the first time. 

“So tell me what happened, Cas,” you hummed, gathering every ounce of soothing calm you could muster in hopes you could offer him some comfort.

Cas jumped into his story, telling you all about Metatron, the angels, and him losing his grace- all the things you had missed out on since stepping back from hunting. You nodded along, listening intently, compassionately, quietly- that is, until he told you about the events that lead him to your doorstep.

“He kicked you OUT?” You rose to your feet as he said this, unable to contain your anger in your seated posture. You felt the rage bubble from the deepest part of your stomach, rising quickly to your chest. Poor, sweet Castiel, who tries so hard and deserves so much. Cast out like he was nothing. It was enough to drive you into a blind rampage. Cas, on the other hand, remained seated, eyes fixed to the carpet, dejected. 

“I just don’t know what to do. I have all these… feelings I’m not used to.” 

“Of course you don’t, honey. It’s all so new. I’ll help you figure things out, alright?” You thought for a moment about what may be most urgent. “Cas, how long have you been human for?”

“Well, a few days now.”

“And have you eaten? Drank water? Slept?” 

“I had a candy bar.” 

“Oh, you poor thing, Cas. Look… Sit tight, I’m going to get you a glass of water, and I have food on the way. Do you like pizza? No, you don’t know if you like pizza, do you…” You let your voice trail off as you hustled to the kitchen, fixing him a glass of water and returning it to him hastily. 

Cas lifted the glass, inspecting it, before tipping it back and downing it in one go. You watched the water slide out of the cup, disappearing down his throat in record time. There was one basic need supported. 

“Alright, Cas, why don’t you sit there and relax for a little? I’m going to go make up the guest bedroom for you. Is that alright?” You tilted your head to the side to better gauge his thoughts on the matter. Cas returned you a soft smile and nodded. You let out a subtle puff of breath in relief before retreating up the stairs. 

As you grabbed bedding from the linen closet and began to stretch the fitted sheet over the mattress, you couldn’t help but allow your body to take over the menial routine, while your mind fluttered off elsewhere. The angry pit in your stomach persisted, a deepening disgust for the way the angel had been treated, including by your brothers, of all people. But nestled in your chest above your swirling stomach sat your heart, which swelled at the thought of Cas, here with you. In all honesty, he had always meant a lot to you. You had so much admiration, so much reverence for the angel- of course, now that he wasn’t exactly an angel, that didn’t change anything. That was never what it was about. You saw deeper than just Cas’s angelic power- you saw him. Grace or not, there was no changing that. This was still the same angel, the same man, the same being you had always known. Only now, he really needed someone to be there for him. And you intended to do that- slowly, surely, gently. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your name being called from down the stairs. Instantly, your mind snapped to the worst-case scenario- call it a lingering hunter’s instinct. You raced down the stairs, only to find Cas perched on the couch, exactly where you had left him.

“Someone knocked on the door,” he whispered wide-eyed, as if it was some sort of intruder behind the door, waiting politely to be let in so he could go about his business.

You breathed a sigh of relief, willing yourself not to get frustrated at the poor man- he had no idea. Scared, lost, confused Castiel. 

“It’s just the pizza, sweetheart. Don’t worry,” you replied, giving him a soft smile of encouragement. 

With the pizza paid for, food on your plates, and your favorite mindless comfort show on TV, you and Cas began to settle in for the night. You and Cas. It was insane to see the angel in such a domestic setting. The two of you were sat at opposite ends of the couch, nibbling pizza in silent unison. You weren’t sure what to do or say, overwhelmed by Cas’s newfound presence, heartbroken by the things he had experienced, and overall just worried for his wellbeing. But, out of fear of pushing his limits- he had already been through so much the last few days- you fell into a comfortable silence that padded the space between you. 

That silence was broken by a yawn coming from the other end of the couch. Cas’s face contorted in a decidedly un-angelic expression, before drawing inwards in confusion. A giggle inched its way towards your lips, but you suppressed it.

“You must be tired, Cas. Let’s go up to bed,” you hummed. Quickly and efficiently, you snapped off the TV, balanced your drinking glasses and plates on top of the pizza box, and slid everything into its rightful place in the kitchen. Re-emerging to the living room, you extended a hand to Cas, pulling him up to his feet before turning to lead him up the stairs. 

“This is your room, over here,” you pointed, ducking in the door to show him around. You snapped the bedside lamp on to illuminate the space. “The bathroom is just down the hall if you need to use it. And my room is just next door, if you need anything at all.” 

Cas’s eyes scanned the room before settling back on you. He threw a tight-lipped smile, murmuring his thanks. He was bashful, certainly overwhelmed by the avalanche of human emotion and sensation he was experiencing. You really didn’t want to push it, but there was one more thing you wanted to offer him. 

Crossing the room, you pulled Cas into a hug. You felt his hands hover for a moment before he rested them across the middle of your back.

“I’m sorry, Cas. You didn’t deserve any of this. But I’m here to help you, whatever you need, okay? You deserve to have someone be there for you.” It was a desperate plea for the man to recognize his self-worth, to provide him with a bit of comfort during this terrifying transition. Your words weighed heavy in the room, anticipating a response that never came. But, you could’ve sworn you felt Cas’s shoulders dip and the muscles of his back soften into the hug. 

After a minute, you pulled away, snapping back to your lighthearted self. You wished the man a good night, retreating from the room and closing the door behind you. Crossing the hall and tucking yourself into bed, it wasn’t long before you drifted to sleep.

-

You rose early the next morning. Usually, you would stroll downstairs in your bathrobe or whatever mismatched pajamas you slept in, but this morning you hopped in the shower straight away, dressing and fixing your hair. Once you made your way down to the kitchen, you got to work pulling together a breakfast you thought Cas would enjoy- pancakes, bacon, and some fruit, all while brewing a pot of coffee. You weren’t sure he’d have much of a taste for it yet, but you certainly were in need of a cup. 

As you neared the end of your preparation, you heard the guest bedroom door swing open. Cas descended the stairs into the kitchen, somehow looking slightly more disheveled than when he had arrived on your doorstep the night before.

“Good morning, sunshine!” You offered, hoping he would take it in jest.

“Hello,” he responded. His eyes were puffed with sleep, his hair stuck up in every possible direction, face dotted with yesterday’s stubble that was inching into scruffy beard territory. Looking at him was a clear reminder that you needed to help him figure out how to clean himself up today. 

“How’d you sleep, hun?” In any other conversation, this would be a simple pleasantry, but in this case, it was an earnest inquiry.

“Not well. I think I had a dream. It was terrible,” he replied. His gaze remained vacant.

“A dream?” You thought for a moment- was it the sensation of dreaming that he wasn’t used to? Or was it a nightmare? “Tell me about it, Cas.”

“Well, I don’t remember a lot of it. I just remember I was running. And when I woke up, my heart was pounding and I was sweating and I couldn’t breathe. But I didn’t actually run- just in the dream.” 

“Oh, Cas, honey, you had a nightmare.” You approached him, reaching up a hand to run a thumb over his stubbled cheek. “If that ever happens again, you can always come into my room. I’m right next door.”

“How will that help?” He inquired.

“Well, sometimes it’s nice to talk about it, if you want. Or, sometimes it’s just nice to be around someone else, so you don’t feel like you’re facing it alone.”

His nod in response sent a surge of care through your body. Rather than sitting there, gushing over him, you figured you’d channel your worry into something productive- getting him fed. 

“Well, I made some breakfast. Have a seat, I’ll make you a plate.”

You pulled out a chair for him at the table, gesturing for him to sit down, before scrambling to pull together a plate piled high with a stack of pancakes, a few slices of bacon, and some strawberries and bananas you had carefully sliced. You rested the plate in front of him, giving him a minute to inspect it, before returning to grab food for yourself. 

“Well, what do you think? I figured chocolate chip pancakes would be a safe bet. Everyone likes chocolate chip pancakes.”

Castiel clumsily sliced another bite from the pancake, lifting it to his mouth. He chewed pensively, mulling over the question.

“How do I know if I like it?” 

You thought for a moment.

“Good question. Does it make you feel happy?”

He nodded. “I think so.”

“Well, Cas, I think you’ll find that one of the great joys of humanity is the opportunity to figure out what makes you happy. We don’t get a lot of say in what goes on down here, but we do get to pick our favorite foods, favorite colors, favorite people, and fill our lives with those. It’s the small pleasures that make the difference.”

He considered your words for a moment, before spearing another bite with his fork. You giggled to yourself. It was adorable to watch him navigate the things you took for granted with so much fascination and uncertainty- something as small as taking a bite of food required all of his concentration and contemplation.

As you sipped your coffee, you considered the task that lay before you. It was your job to teach Cas how to be human- something you wouldn’t necessarily call yourself an expert on. With hunting dominating your upbringing and occupation thus far, you certainly hadn’t had the normal human experience. But you took the challenge in stride, knowing that Cas had much to learn. 

-

Saturday had come and gone. You had spent the entire day teaching Cas a crash course in human life skills, covering important topics like brushing your teeth (which proved more difficult than you thought it would be), remembering to drink water (you struggled with this yourself most of the time), shopping (the two of you thrifted him a whole wardrobe), and anything else you could think of as you went about your usual routine. 

As the day wound down, you and Cas sat on your back porch. The emerging twilight buzzed, and a warm breeze filtered through the trees and wrapped itself around the two bodies curled up in the lawn chairs. You were tired, he was tired, so another comfortable silence had settled into its now familiar place between the two of you. You could faintly hear the sound of children laughing and a mother calling after them, voices muffled by the distance that separated you from these neighbors down the street. You smiled to yourself, and Cas took notice. 

“Thank you for helping me today,” he offered hesitantly, as if afraid to disturb your thoughts.

“Anytime, Cas.” You were still a bit lost in thought as you responded.

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Why does being human feel so… Heavy?”

There was something about his tone of voice that snapped you out of your daze. Turning to him, you instantly recognized the worry that was weighing on him. 

“I just… I used to be a soldier. I had divine purpose. I’ve always had something to work towards, and now… I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

“Life is a complicated thing, Cas. Most people spend an entire lifetime figuring out their purpose. You may be thousands of years old, but you’ve only been doing the whole human thing for a few days. Be patient with yourself.” 

“You seem to handle it all pretty well. Leaving hunting, making a life for yourself. You have it all figured out,” he frowned.

“Want to know a secret?”

He nodded, silently, eagerly. 

“I’m not handling it well. And I don’t have it all figured out. Nobody does. That’s the whole game. That’s life. You take what you’re given and you do what you can with it. But the beauty is, you get to choose.” 

“How do I know what to choose?” 

You smiled in spite of yourself. 

“That’s the big question. No one knows what’s right for you except you.” 

Cas’s hand reached across to yours, giving it a squeeze that sent your heart aflutter. Fingers intertwined, you settled back into the evening, pensive.  

- 

Sleep that night hadn’t come easy by any means. What had started as worry had now spiraled into full-on anxiety, warding you away from slipping into sleep. Each time you closed your eyes, your mind drifted down the hall to Castiel, separated from you by nothing more than a dozen footsteps and couple pieces of drywall. It was as if you could feel his inner turmoil. And beyond that, your heart ached for the man. All you wanted to do was go to him, be with him, comfort him. But the fear that you were taking advantage of his newly human state still plagued you, so you lingered rigid and sleepless in your bed. Just as you rolled over to attempt comfort and hopefully find some sleep, there was the faintest knock at your door- so quiet, you barely registered it. 

At first, you weren’t sure if you had actually heard the sound, but when the noise was followed by slow footsteps shuffling away, you snapped up in bed.  

“Cas! Come in,” you called. After a second, the door swung open.

“I had another one. A nightmare.” Cas spoke matter of factly, and yet, very soft and reserved. He lingered in your doorway, timid, waiting for you to give your blessing on his entrance.

“Oh, come in, sweetheart. Come sit.” You patted the space beside you, the noise muffled by the thick, fluffy comforter. Cas made his way into a seated position on the bed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, hesitant to pry but insistent on providing support.

“No.” His response was tense and succinct without being rude- you knew he was processing a lot of feelings, and wanted to give him grace.

“That’s okay. Would you like some time to think through it? Or would you like to be distracted?” 

“I’m not sure.”

“Take your time. I’m here.” 

There was a beat of silence. Giving him space was your top priority, as much as you wanted to leap across the bed and into his arms. 

“Maybe, distracted?”

“Sure thing. I’ll put on a movie, we can watch for a bit.” You snatched the remote from the table beside you, flipping through a few movies you thought Cas may enjoy, before settling on a lighthearted Disney movie. Your finger pressed play and adjusted the volume to a dull hum. 

You watched for a while in silence. As the movie was picking up, breaking out into a cheerful musical number, your eyes darted to Cas. Expecting to see him enamored by the animated wonderland, you were taken aback when his eyes locked with yours instantly. It was like he had been looking at you the whole time. 

“Hey, Cas.” He wouldn’t look away, and the eye contact was entrancing.

“Hi.” His voice was gruff, a mix of sleep and something else you weren’t entirely sure of, though you were starting to get an idea. 

“How are you doing?” 

“Better, now. Because I’m with you.” His words sent a wave of warmth through your body as you felt yourself inching closer to him, subconsciously. Clearly, he felt the same pull, as you both shifted to face each other directly. 

“Can I ask you about another feeling?” He was usually bashful with his questions, but this time, his voice was steady. His eyes were fixed on you with an almost palpable intensity, a kind of focus that made you fidget, suddenly so aware of yourself. 

“Of course,” you responded. He was now just inches away from your face. 

“What is this feeling I get when I’m this close to you?” His words were slow and genuine, and yet in some ways, it seemed like he already knew.

“What do you mean?” 

“It feels a lot like the nightmare. My heart beats fast and I can’t breathe. But it’s… Different. It’s good. I like it.” His eyes flickered as the words melted you.

He was so close to your face you could feel each breath tickle your nose and lips, as if pressing gentle precursors to tease you into taking the next step.

“Can I try something else you might like?” You could barely speak above a whisper.

He began to nod, lifting his head, but before he could complete the motion, all your defenses came crashing down, and you melted together- lips and limbs intertwining as one. And for the first time since becoming human, Castiel truly felt peace.

-

There’s something special about humanity. Sure, it has its ups and downs. There’s pain, fear, grief, death. Cas knew all those things already. They were what scared him most when he lost his grace. But he could have never known this, without experiencing it for himself. 

The early hours of the morning crept into the bedroom. Everything about the room was warm and soft- a kind of heaven that rivaled even the real thing. Cas watched as the rays of sun slipped through the window to kiss your skin softer, sweeter, more intimately than he ever had. Yet. 

There were many things about being human he hadn’t been prepared for. He had lost purpose, drive, direction. When he was first stripped of his grace, it had felt like his newfound heartbeat was mocking him with every pulse. But now? That heart served to pump more than just blood through his veins. His heart beat for you. His whole angelic life, he had been guided by divine word, but nothing had ever felt as holy as you, here, sleeping in his arms. You had taught him humanity, alright. And now, he finally had the chance to do something, to feel something, to experience something more beautiful than he could’ve ever imagined. He could love you.

The anatomy of a human was a strange thing to sight, but the feelings were just as confusing.

Each of the Winchesters were complex beings, even whilst being such small, insect like examples of existence.

When God had created them, he was proud, but Castiel was confused as to why that was.

He was a warrior of Heaven, he had seen great things in his blinding vision, and this, the experience of watching them, having to pretend to be so tender for his cause was confusing.

Dean was outright blunt; a part of the angel liked that about him. There was no cutting corners with the eldest sibling, and a part of him appreciated that.

Although, to tell the truth, admittedly the celestial being found it hard to read him.

He used things like ‘sarcasm’, as the primates had described it, often. And it bugged him to no end.

It was simply saying something with exaggerated efforts, whilst meaning another. It was a feature he couldn’t quite comprehend the importance or use of.

Then, there was Sam, the middle child, and the perfect vessel of Lucifer. It didn’t matter what happened to him in the long run, but for now it did, considering Dean’s ample rendering of how he needed him so.

There was no splitting apart the siblings, for they were one another’s life lines, as he had come to learn.

Somehow, and it amazed Castiel, all of Sam’s mistakes were cast aside, even at the most dire times. Their reluctance to give up on one another was downright noble, yet irritating all the same.

The youngest of the brothers was a hazard for the other; his inclination and addiction of drinking demon blood didn’t sway the counsel of the angels.

It only reminded them that their brother that was cast away, was to one day return in order to bring the world on its knees so that the apocalypse could overcome every obstacle on it.

And finally, there was the sister of the sibling trio. Y/n, and if Castiel speculated correctly, then she was the logically smartest out of them all.

Her attitude towards him was simple; she understood why he kept on his main course. There was no reason for him not to, he had never been taught differently, and he was doing nothing more than his duty.

If anything, he could sense a breath of pity filling the air anytime they were in each other’s company.

There were so many words that made reasonable sentences in her head, but she opted to remain silent, knowing that he preferred it that way.

He wasn’t at all there for her, his mission was to protect Dean, as proven whence he grasped him out of perdition.

That was no bother to her, it only made things awkward, as she would put it. Castiel, to his feathery luck never experienced such uncomfortable feelings.

But she still, no matter kept that human weakness about herself, foolishly embracing it as though it served any good against the dark forces squandering and escaping hell.

Again, her family was her purpose to fight, and admittedly, they knew as well as he did, that that factor would be each of their downfalls.

And as he sat in the motel room, awaiting their ambitious return, when the door swung open, it was the female alone. There was dirt smothering her face, and trapped in the cords of her hair, and Castiel frowned at the sight of her.

“Dammit!” She kicked the bedpost, gaining the utmost intrigue out of the angel.

Y/n was never one to be so blatant in expressing her frustrated emotions, but it appeared that tonight, something had happened, and irked her greatly.

It confused Cas, as Dean had dubbed him, as to why she was behaving that way, and so, he simply asked.

“Has something unwanted happened during the hunt that you went on with your brothers?”

It was a first, seeing her wearing a scowl aimed directly towards him, but eventually she sighed, and let her guarded expression fall down, and crumble at her feet.

“That’s one way to put it.” A somber sigh followed after her words, confirming her active annoyance, of which the angel assumed was not pardoning her siblings. “Dean was saying, or ‘simply giving me the idea’, of hitting the road, and missing this whole apocalypse business. He thinks I should live life a little before, in case he and Sam don’t manage to stop it.”

Castiel clasped his hands together, he had seen people do the same in chapels when praying, but he was not wishing to speak to his father, for he knew that there would be a lack of response.

It was instead a mannerism that the body that he was borrowing found comfort in doing, and so he was inclined to allow it follow its natural instincts.

“Have you ever thought that your brother has wanted a normal life for you? I think that was how he meant to come across, and you simply may never have another chance to experience such a way of living if things fail.”

The angel leant forward, watching as her brow furrowed with a signal of distress. Her mind was torn, stuck between two things; the desire to run and never look back on this life, and the other to remain, and fight beside her family, or at least what was left of it.

“Yeah, a normal life.” A humoured laugh slipped from her chapped and thirsty lips, her head nodding at the prospect. “I am sure that is why he taught me how to shoot a gun, and behead my first vampire.”

She sat alongside the angel, he was not sure why, but he thought she may have found comfort in being beside someone, even in his case it be a celestial, powerful force that was a warrior of the above. “Are your family the same; do they think that they know what is best for you?”

He wasn’t used to being asked questions, at home, as he knew it as, he was instructed. His opinions nor the thoughts in his mind were never up for discussion; if he stepped out of line, he would surely be compared to Lucifer. And that was a major insult, if not the worst for his kind.

“My father, wherever he is, has everything in an avid plan. There is a reason for everything; after all, he is the creator of all life, and each individual atom of it. We are all his children, from the plants to the great and ferocious creatures of the Sahara. It is no doubt that God knows best.”

Despite being intrigued by humans, this one in very particular, he was still loyal to his original course. No matter how swayed he felt, there was no absence in getting off track from it.

“But what if he doesn’t?”

In the form of it, it felt like an insult, but Castiel remained silent, allowing the lesser being woman to continue her speculator dialogue.

There was no harm in words, so long as it didn’t push down the belief of his father, or revealed that she was on the alternative side. “The Bible makes you out to be some great warriors, and I understand that the stories are written rom mankind’s scripture, however, if he is so holy and prosperous, he shouldn’t need his children to complete his bidding. With a snap of his transparent fingers, all the bad, anything that opposes him could be gone. So why isn’t that the route he takes to fix his troubles?”

It was a perspective that Castiel had never thought of before, and it raised some of his enquiries in his mind that had shrunken to fit into this form.

The creations, mortal or otherwise had so many flaws, and if he wanted, he could resolve the issues in a second, overwriting anything that he simply did not like.

And if done, and all was bent to his will, then the world would be a safer habitat, and there’d be no agenda in saving it, for it would not be necessary. 

“Because there is no story to it.” Muttered the resident of heaven, bowing his head in shame. “And Dean would be wrong to send you away, for you have your own, and that choice in staying, or leaving is up to you. But if you pardoned yourself from this script, then you would not be around, and out of all of you Winchesters, I find your company the most calming and least irritating. If you were one of the vessels, I would then have much, if not more, faith in your succession. However, you are not, instead you are-”

“Empty inside.” Y/n finished his sentence, able to do so because she was well aware of her worth within the universe.

The impact that she was to have on it was never to be as large as Sam or Dean’s, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t in her best interests to make the planet a better place.

Hunting was practically all that she knew, and if that was ripped away from her, then she wouldn’t be sure what to do.

There would be no other purpose for her to live; many hunters felt the same, even if their reputations were slack and unknown.

It was the self knowledge of saving lives that served as the fuel to continue onwards, and it was the way of thousands within the unemployed business.

And most died within this life, such as her parents, and too many more. John, her father had been hellbent on finding a demon, with lustrous, dangerous yellow eyes.

But now, after his unfortunate end, and benevolent sacrifice, all that they had learnt from him and Bobby had been scrubbed clean.

They had been introduced to a new slate, one involving angelic asses, that thought it their right to boss the earthly primates around, giving them orders that were those sent by god.

But none of them knew how hard being a human was, there was no going back or turning time. All were stuck with the consequences of their rash choices, much like Lucifer, who wanted to be loved more than God’s latest project, but instead, in the rise of his destruction, was tossed aside.

To every villain, there was a reason for their change in heart. In some kind of messed up, collateral way, y/n understood the devil himself, even if she had yet to come face to face with him.

They were different, and that was okay, and Castiel was the same. He was crafted with a crack in his surface, and though he wanted to do good, he wasn’t quite sure which side served that purpose.

“Not empty.” The angel corrected her, seeing more than his brothers and sisters could in a simple human. “Rather, a haven from the chaos. The others of my family may narot be able to visualise your lack of use, in their fleeting eyes, but I happen to, very well. Whilst Sam and Dean do have a trait within your family to be both light and darkness, you are the grey between their two distinct colours. And whilst their prominence is famous, they are ignorant to all the shades that you emit. There is nothing wrong with being overlooked by an angel, instead, you should see it as an example of luck.”

“Do you overlook me, Castiel?”

Her head tilted, grasping onto every line that appeared sternly on his handsome face. They were side by side, and Castiel turned his head to be focused on her, it brought their expressions closer to one another’s naked eye.

Y/n was indeed grateful for all that he had done to help the survivors of her family, and his opinion of her, for some peculiar reason, mattered to her. 

It was normal for the messengers to look down upon their stock of cattle, for they were superior in both the sights of the lord, and the mortals themselves.

And she would not be insulted if he did, for he was just another one of his kind; he was not supposed to feel anything towards her mistaken species.

Y/n knew far too well of the inclined penance that the angels were worth from humans, they had done bad by them, ruining hte home that god made for them, shaping it to die in their own pollution. 

“Not at all.” And whilst his sentiment was not accompanied by a smile, or any indication at all that he wanted her to do so, y/n was too in touch with her natural motions, that she leant in and kissed Castiel.

He didn’t kiss her back, nor did he pull away, he remained still as she moved her mouth over his. “You do realise that this is not my body, do you not? I am dressed in the appearance of Jimmy Novak, we are very different and-”

“I meant to kiss you Cas, not some stranger.” Y/n informed him, upholding a sweet and innocent face. “You’re nice, for an angel. I think you were assigned to earth for more than angelic duties, I think you belong here.”

Castiel gulped at that. It was true, he was put on this vastly deficient planet due to his orders.

But he wasn’t quite following them all the way through; he was becoming rather attached to these humans, and that was why he could not let y/n leave.

It didn’t matter that his brother had suggested the idea to Dean, he was not going to allow her to depart from him.

She was the only thing that he had found in all of his eternal life that had made him prosper with the sensation for existing for more than fighting historical wars.

Before meeting her, he felt like some kind of manmade machine; empty inside, working only by the wires that were flowing with energy from a power source.

But he had found that he no longer needed that supply, for he was crafted for a figurative cause, but he had found another that he preffered.

The crack in being broke a little bit more, and he licked his thin lips, having a desire for y/n to kiss him again.

“Don’t insert yourself into someone else’s business. I’m not talking to him!” Your face contorted as you glared up at your friend. “I haven’t seen Cas in weeks! He didn’t tell me he was leaving, where he was going, or even let me know that he was alive! Three weeks, Dean! Yes, he’s free to come and go as he pleases, but part of being in a relationship is communicating. If he can’t at least let me know he’s safe so I can sleep at night, then that isn’t much of a relationship, is it?” Your lip snarled before you turn back around, expecting Dean to stop you again. But, he didn’t dare, so you continued your journey back to your bedroom.

As you made your way to the back hall, heavy footsteps followed behind you. They weren’t the oddly light steps of Dean, or the long strides of his younger brother. No, these were the footsteps of someone with a purpose.

And only one person, or being, in your life walked with such a stride.

“Cas, please leave,” you begged, stopping but not turning to face him. You could feel his electric gaze on the back of your head, causing your breath to hitch.

“Y/N, please—”

“No!” You finally turned, meeting your former lover face to face. His lower lip was cracked and bloodied, his eye was blackened, and his collared shirt was torn in several places. But, he was otherwise intact.

That would have been nice to know…

“Cas, you left without telling me, then didn’t even reach out to tell me you were okay! You aren’t an all-powerful angel anymore! Not since the fall. There is a bounty on your head, on all of our heads, and we all need to be careful.” You huffed out a frustrated breath. “But, no. You went out to try to save the day, which never ends well. And now you want me to act like nothing happened?!” You let out another long sigh and turned from him, fighting back your anger. You were frustrated, worried, and quite honestly felt betrayed by the one person you thought would always be there with you.

“Y/N, I couldn’t risk you getting involved—”

“I’m not made of glass, Castiel!” You only ever called him by his full name when you were really angry. You watched his jaw clench.

“I know you aren’t but you are so precious to me. And, well, the other angels know that. So, that puts you directly in the line of danger. I have to keep myself between them and you, to keep you safe. If something happened to you because of me… I…” Cas closed his eyes. Was he crying? You took a step back, as if something had just socked you in the stomach.

“You could have said something,” you whispered under your breath.

“No, I couldn’t have! You would have come looking for me, and that would have defeated the purpose.” Cas glared at you through tear-soaked eyelashes. “You’re mad at me for trying to protect you.”

“Cas, I would have understood if you at least told me what was happening. I’m not going to go chasing after you if I know I’d be in danger. But, when you don’t tell me what’s happening, I have no choice to go looking for answers.” Your eyes met again. But, this time, you felt your heart soften a little. You now knew he wasn’t doing this to hurt you, or to escape you. For once, Dean was right.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t get very far. You could have been killed.” Cas took a step forwards, his features lightening.

You took another step back, then reached for the bottom of your sleeve.

“Well, apparently I got far enough.” You lifted your sleeve to reveal a healing gash across your forearm. The wound was deep, and still burned like hell. Something about an angel blade burned more than a regular knife.

Damn angels.

“Y/N,” Cas gasped. He reached forward and, before you could move away, took your hand in his. His touch was warm, making your skin tingle ever so slightly.

“Don’t touch it,” you pleaded, trying to move away. But, Cas didn’t listen. Instead, he held his hand over your wound and closed his eyes. A light blue light enveloped the scar, making it burn even more, before erasing any remnants of injury from your flesh.

“I’m sorry,” Cas confessed. “I should have told you that my brothers and sisters were actively searching for me, and they are, well, relentless when given a task.” His icy gaze sent a shock through you.

“They’re angels.” You tilted your head as you pulled down your sleeve. “They follow orders.” Cas nodded, then leaned back a little.

“Y/N, forgive me. I was trying to protect you. They want to take all that I hold dear, everything I love most. And they would most definitely start with your death.” The words, although you knew the truth, chilled you to the bone.

“I know, Cas. I just, I felt abandoned. I realize you didn’t mean for that to happen, but it still hurt. I didn’t know where you were, or if you were even alive—” Now it was your turn to fight back tears. You loved Cas with all of your heart, even though you hadn’t ever verbally said it to him. He was an angel, and he just knew. And he obviously loved you just as much. That’s why he did this.

Fuck, how could you be so selfish? You shook your head. No. Your feelings were valid. He did leave without telling you. But, what he felt was valid too. He was doing what he thought would keep you safe. And, even though you were still mad, you understood is reasoning. Well, for the most part.

Cas’s hand cupped your jaw. He leaned in just a little, pulling you closer with his shaky grasp. The emotion hanging in the air was just too intense, and you finally let the tears break free.

“Cas,” your voice shook. The moment you got the words out, Cas slammed his lips against yours. His warm, chapped flesh moved with yours while his free arm yanked you against his firm chest.

Cas devoured you as he pulled you impossibly close, like he was keeping you from falling off the edge of a cliff. And your arms around his neck held that same grip. The scruff on his chin burned ever so lightly on your skin, and you never wanted it to stop. He was here, tangible, safe. And that was all you wanted.

He took your bottom lip between his teeth, then slowly pulled away, leaving you gasping. His eyes locked on yours as he smiled down at you.

“I forgive you,” you whispered, never loosening your grip ever so slightly. “Just, don’t do that again. We do this together.” Cas simply nodded, then leaned in again. This time, he had no intention of letting you go for a long time. And, honestly, you didn’t want him to.

“Good morning.” His voice was raspy, as it usually was in the morning. Not that he slept, being an angel and all. But, most nights, he entered some kind of ‘standby mode’ as you called it. When he woke from that state, he was just as groggy as you always were when waking up.

You turned in Cas’s grasp, cup of coffee in hand. “Would you like some? I know you can’t taste it, but—”

“Please,” he answered with a charming smile. You nodded, gently escaping from his grasp and reaching for a mug. The plain, white object matched the one had filled for yourself only a few moments earlier. The Winchesters had simple taste, which meant they cleaned all the dishware that came with their new eclectic home and never felt the need to buy anything fancier.

After pouring coffee into Cas’s mug, you handed it to him, then led him to the small table against the other wall. You sat beside him, leaning your head against his broad shoulder.

“Are the brothers still asleep?” you asked in a whisper. Cas nodded.

“When I passed Dean’s room, I could hear him snoring. Sam was quiet, but still asleep.” He took a sip of his coffee, then placed it on the table in front of him. “Given the adventure they had over the last few days, they are going to need coffee as well.” You laughed, nodding in agreement.

“Oh, yeah. Don’t worry, I made plenty. That thing holds twelve cups.” You giggled, taking another sip. Then, you peered up at Cas. “You never answered my question.”

Cas tilted his head. “What question?” You shrugged.

“Why do you drink coffee if you can’t taste it?” Cas smiled and nodded.

“Well, it’s warm, which I find soothing. And it makes me feel a little more connected to human life. You drink coffee every morning, and in the afternoon on occasion. Sam and Dean do the same, as does a lot of humankind.” He took another sip. You pursed your lips and furrowed your brow.

“Do you feel left out a lot? From human stuff? You know, being an angel and all?” Cas shrugged.

“Sometimes. For the short time I was human, I enjoyed the taste of food, and the simplicity of daily human life. But I don’t miss having to urinate.” You chuckled, taking another sip.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you.”

Cas smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple. “But living with humans sometimes makes me feel like the odd-man-out. So, I participate in any human activities I can.”

You nodded, your curiosity growing. “What’s the best thing you’ve encountered on Earth? The best human thing, I mean.”

Castiel sighed, then smiled. “Emotions. Human emotions are beautiful, complex, and perplexing. But the passion humans feel towards their emotions is one of the most incredible things I’ve studied.” You nodded slowly.

“What’s your favorite emotion?” You knew it was a weird question, but you didn’t care. Castiel was one of the first beings to never judge you.

“Love,” he answered, smiling softly. You nudged his side and snorted a laugh.

“You cheeseball.”

Cas furrowed his brow but ignored your teasing. “It’s true. I see how people love their families, their hobbies. Love drives the human need to care for others, even those they don’t know. And when I met you, I understood the full intensity of love. It’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“I love you too, Mr. Hallmark Channel.” Cas rolled his eyes, as he usually did when he didn’t understand your references. You leaned up, kissed his cheek, then leaned against him.

But Cas’s hand reached down and lifted your head back up forcing you to meet his gaze. His eyes were soft under the artificial light that filled the room. He smiled as he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. A familiar warmth filled you, as it did every time your bodies made contact. Then, he pulled away, pulling you against his side.

“Fuck.” You hiss underneath your breath as pull your hat down further on your head. You and the boys had been searching for the Wendigo for the past two days in the forests around one of the Great Lakes (you had forgotten which one). Being stuck out in the forest with little sleep, and no real chance to stop and eat or even change clothes, would have been bad enough had it not been the nearing the end of December. Meaning that there was a good foot of snow on the ground and it was twenty degrees outside.

You had lost feeling in your toes and fingers a while ago and you weren’t even sure you’d be able to hit something if you had to fire your gun (it was a good thing you didn’t need a gun to kill a Wendigo). All you wanted was to be back at the bunker, the fireplace roaring, curled up next to Castiel on the couch, watching some sappy Christmas movie with him, Dean and Sam. In fact, that thought alone was the only thing getting you through this hunt.

Two more long hours passed before the three of you were able to locate the Wendigo’s den and it was another hour before you were able to set the damn thing on fire. Sam and Dean didn’t say much on the trek back to Baby. Dean did offer you a few swigs from his flask though, which you gladly accepted in hopes of it giving you some sort of warmth.

When you finally reached the car, you don’t hesitate to climb in the backseat and rummage around until you find a old sweatshirt to use as a pillow. You try to get as comfortable as possible on the cold leather seat, longing for the car’s heaters to start up.

“That hunt was a bitch.” Dean says with a sigh as he fires up the car. You hear Sam hum in agreement as the steady beats of an AC/DC song fill the interior of the car. The volume of the music is lowered as the car pulls away, starting on the fourteen hour long trip back to the bunker. On any other day this month, you would have tried to persuade Dean to play Christmas music by now(a struggle that would usually end with Dean changing the music after one Christmas song), but today you were too tired to even ask. After sending a quick prayer to Castiel, whom you hadn’t seen in days, you fell asleep rather quickly.

---

You weren’t sure what woke you up, but when you do, you realize you aren’t the only one in the back seat. “Hello.” A voice you immediately recognize as Castiel’s greets you. He is sitting on the other side of the bench seat, your feet in his lap. His trademark blue tie is askew and he isn’t wearing his trenchcoat, which is unusual. Sam and Dean are talking quietly in the front seat,

“Hi Cas.” You croak out, a sting in your throat making you wince. You move to sit up but Castiel’s hands stop you. “Relax Y/N. You have a fever and need some rest.” He says quietly as he hands you an open Gatorade. “Drink this.”

You drink from the bottle before handing it back to Castiel. “Let me switch around.” You whisper, sitting up and moving around so that your head was in his lap. Castiel simply rested a hand on your hip, not one for a lot of physical contact. A shiver runs through you, causing you to pull your jacket around you tighter. In doing so, you notice that you were covered in Castiel’s trenchcoat. You tilt your head up to look at him as you murmur “Thank you.”

Castiel offers you a small smile. “I would have brought you back to the bunker but Sam and Dean aren’t in much better shape. I wanted to be able to keep an eye on all three of you at the same time.” His silent concern for Sam and Dean warms your heart and you gently squeeze the hand he has on your hip. “And I didn’t want to heal you until you woke up.” He added.

You give him a nod of acknowledgement and a soft “yes” in response before you feel his hand move to your forehead. An unexplainable warmth goes through you and a moment later, you feel normal again, albeit still a bit tired.

“Alright you lovebirds, we are a few hours out yet. I figured we’d stop at the next decent sized town and get some grub before finishing the drive.” Dean’s voice pulls your attention to the front seat.

“Sounds good to me, as long as you stop somewhere that has some decent food.” Sam says.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” You add as you sit up, leaning into Castiel’s side.

--- After a lunch filled with greasy dinner food and a few more hours on the road, you were back at the bunker. You drag your duffle bag into the war room, dropping it next to the table. The boys follow in suite, with Castiel bringing up the rear.

“I’m gonna shower and hit the hay.” Sam says, giving you all a small wave before heading down the hallway. Dean pours himself a glass of whiskey, gives you and Castiel a grunt of a goodbye, making his way to his own room. As you watch the boys go, soft Christmas music fills the room. You look around to find the source, seeing that it’s Castiel, who had just put a record on the record player.

Castiel turns his brilliant blue eyes to you, sticking out a hand for you to grab, which you do. He leads you over to the rug in front of the fireplace, where he sits, pulling you down with him. You lay perpendicular to him as he sits, letting the crackling fire warm you. You can feel his eyes on you.

“This is all I could think about when we were in those damn woods.” You whisper. “Being here, enjoying Christmas with you.” You pause before you add. “And the boys.”