#casfree

1503 coda "Yes"

Summary: Dean finds Castiel in the supermarket with a hunter and well they have to talk to clear things and... 💔

----------

“Cas, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“I’m not gonna let you.” Cas snaps, blinks at Dean’s closing expression, like Cas just kicked him down and trampled all over him—and Cas realizes he didn’t want that memory so he wants to apologize but Dean is shaking his head, stopping him like he knows what Cas is about to say.

“Don’t say it, Cas. I kinda deserved it.”

Castiel stares at the hunter openly.

Dean shifts on his feet, looks down his fingers, then turns his green eyes to Castiel’s car. To where Nathan is, watching them from the rearview mirror of his car. Castiel follows his eyes, then gives Dean a calculated look. But all Dean does is give him a quirky smile.

Cas doesn’t like how it makes him remember the old Dean. This is not that Dean. So much things have happened, so many words said. So much history to forget. So much time to heal.

“Seems like a decent fellow. So you and him… uhh… like together?”

“Yes?” Castiel replies, almost defiant. But Dean shakes his head, his expression from zero blank, cracking pain then to comically wide smile.

“Didn’t think you’d have it in you, Cas, I mean—you actually mingled—that’s… that’s like—okay, I wished I could’ve seen that. I missed so much about…” his voice trails away. Castiel just studies him. Dean struggles for a moment to find the right words, “I mean—it’s great you and him found each other. I’m glad you’re doing okay.”

The sincerity in his voice is nothing unfamiliar. But it shakes Cas because Dean is showing that level of awareness… that level of care for him he didn’t think still exists.

“How are you, Dean?”he finds himself genuinely curious, wondering why Dean keeps shifting, looking uncomfortable in his own skin, yet somewhat satisfied. It all doesn’t add up. Is this a coincidence or did Dean wanted to find him? Dean wanted something from him.

Oh. Dean does that. Call on him when he needs something. Castiel’s mind spins.

“How’s Sam? Is something the matter?” instinct proves to be hard to control, but Cas thinks he reserves the right to ask about the Winchesters at this point. With Dean being here and all.

“Sam’s doing okay,” Dean avoids his eyes, a sign Castiel doesn’t miss, but he wonders what he will do about it. Dean lies for a purpose, Dean lies when things are not going his way, Dean will say he’s fine even when his world is crumbling because he thinks no one in their right mind would care enough to dig deeper. All his pretense of being the confident man just because he thinks people will judge him poorly. No one has the right to judge Dean no matter who they are. Not even Castiel.

“Cas… say it.”

Castiel stops breathing. At least, he seems to as he locks eyes with the hunter again. He knows what Dean wants to hear almost as if Dean is whispering it to him. Almost as if Dean is praying to him.

“Dean, I don’t—”

“You do. It’s okay.” Dean squares his shoulders, green eyes glinting determinedly like he’s about to jump to hell. Almost like he’s readying for battle. “I need to hear you say it.”

Castiel wavers. 

“You’re wrong…” he begins and it surprises him how he is very calm, believing every word he is saying. “It’s not me who… It’s not me who makes everything wrong, Dean. I am capable of making choices of my own… of free will… and capable of making mistakes as anyone who goes against the heavens… so you are wrong. I do not exist only to make a rip and tide to what already is a world full of mistakes. I try to make things better. Try to do right by myself. And what I have right now, I fought hard to gain… and what I achieved in the end is not wrong. If there is one thing I can say about being the wrong for me…” he looks Dean in the eyes, sees the man tries to vacant his expression, but his eyes are failing. “It’s you, Dean. For me, it’s always seems to be you. We always seem to be wrong for each other. Ever since I… saved you from perdition. You’ve been wrong for me, Dean.”

“Yes.” Dean nods, but he’s damn heartbroken.

keep reading

Some Boy 412 Icons because not enough love is given to him for his role in Magyk. Just angry and confused for a whole book.

Speedpaint: (Commentary version)

Jerry from my favorite webcomic @noendcomic You should go read it because it’s absolutely incredible !!

Mid-Summer Week Day Two: Side Characters

Mid-Summer Week Day Four: Traditions

I think it counts as a tradition for Jenna to watch the moat and the boats on the water every night. I also made the sketch for this in 2016 and couldn’t get it to work then for a variety of reasons. It was nice to finally dust it off and finish it ‘cause I’ve wanted to draw this scene for about a decade now (since I read Magyk for the first time)

Septimus Heap Day Five: Trios