#casey affleck

And so it went, Jesse was increasingly cavalier. Merry, moody, fey, unpredictable. He camouflaged his depressions and derangements with masquerades of extreme cordiality, courtesy, and goodwill towards others. But Even as he jested or tickled his boy in the ribs, Jesse would look over at Bob with melancholy eyes as if the two were meshed in an intimate communication. Bob was certain that the man had unriddled him; had seen through his reasons for coming along; that Jesse could forecast each of Bob's possible moves and inclinations and was only acting the innocent in order to lull Bob into a stupid tranquility and miscalculation.

you see, not every movie talks about what happens if you are not able to fight your demons. not every film tells you about what happens if you can't run away from your trauma, but this one did. this film showed us what your life becomes after a tragedy, when you're not able to rise back, portrayed failure in such a way, that it made my heart wrench. at the end, i just thought that things would get better for the protagonist, but it didn't.

i had no idea that a movie could break me this way. every dialogue is like a punch in the gut; and the acting is top notch, at some point i felt like i was the intruder watching someone's life from afar.

you just don't recover from some life events, this movie was a proof of that.

and don't even get me started about that scene in the dining room, when his nephew asked "why can't you stay?", the way that his reply came after a short pause, i kid you not, it knocked the air out of me:

"i can't beat it. i can't beat it. i am sorry"

in that moment, i just wished he could fight against it. i just wished he could.