#captain silver

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“Captain!” I shouted, never taking my eyes off the rock formation as it drew nearer.

“Aye?” Captain Silver responded from the helm.

“There’s —”

An angelic sound reverberated off the rocks and the words died in my throat. As I opened my mouth to speak again, the croon came once more, a refined call, low and smooth. It made a familiar warmth bloom in my chest.

I leaned over the side, fingers gripping the railing as I searched with eager eyes for a glimpse of what could make such a beautiful tune. The more I listened the more the call became unmistakably, entirely new; it was a song. Baritone. Solemn. The kind of thing that made you drown yourself in rum.

A wave of vertigo hit me for the first time since I was a young boy on his first vessel. I blinked heavily, attempting to get my bearings, and when I opened them a figure sat before me, clouded in crystalline dust as it sang.

For me.

The warmth in my chest expanded until my limbs were on fire. A smile crept onto my face when the person came into clear view, and the world seemed infinitely small.

“Ahoy, boy-o.” Captain Silver beamed at me, that gold tooth shining like a solar flare as he drifted towards the ship.

My eyebrows knit together, my voice soft, “Captain.”

“Aye, lad. What’re you doing up there all by your lonesome?” His huge face contorted into one of greater concern than ever before.

“Looking out for the ship. For the crew,” I sigh, leaning closer, yearning to close the distance. “For you.”

The ship seemed to have gained speed, banking sharply to port, away from Silver.

“Captain!” Shouting, I hurried along the length of the vessel, my heart racing, keeping pace with him as my voice cracked. “Captain, don't leave!”

The Ursid lept from cosmic rock to cosmic rock, determined not to lose me.

“Where are ya off to in such a hurry?” He never lost his footing, even as he sped up, even as the desperation in his voice grew clear. “I need my best mate!”

My head felt stuffed full of cotton, “Where’s the crew?”

“Blast the crew” Silver chuckled, moving closer and closer, “Blast the treasure.” His arm muscles rippled as he reached out, his paw big enough to engulf my entire hand, “You’re all this old sea dog needs.”

I looked down and suddenly my feet were on the scarred rail. My toes hanging over the edge of oblivion, the black void of space a back drop to the expansive asteroid field. Yet, before me was everything I had ever wanted. The umber colored hair that peeked out from under his bandana flitted about in the breeze. His cybernetics whirred and clicked, my eyes travelling up his left side; his metal leg, the intricate framework of his arm, and settled on the yellow glow of his mechanized eye.

I had been transfixed by that stare innumerable times. Caught like a fly under its burning red scrutiny. Soaring like a seabird on its golden pride. Never like this. Never so tender. I was a man of fortune first, a loyal crew member second, but everyone knew there was none so loyal as I to Captain Long John Silver. They’d never dare say it to my face, for I would cut them stem to stern, but the lingering stares whenever I was in his vicinity were a dark smudge on an already tattered portrait. We could get away. Just the two of us. Forever.

A massive fur covered hand grabbed me by the face, turning my head away from Silver and blinding me at the same time. A pistol shot rang out, followed by cannon fire.

“Silver!” The name tore from my throat raw and painful as I clawed at whoever held me back, pulling my cutlass from its sheath before an alloy hand clamped down on my wrist.

“Turnbuckle get us out a here you maggot-brained-two-toned-squid! All hands man the long guns til we’re outta range! An’ calm down would ya?”

I was reaching for my dagger with my free hand when I was lifted completely off the ground, arms pinned to my sides, and wrestled into the hold. I heard the trap door slam shut behind us as I was dropped rather ungraciously to the floor.

“You killed him! You’re a dirty mutineer and you’re lucky if I don’t cut your fucking throat!” I growled, climbing to my feet, whirling to face my captor.

Captain Silver stood in front of me, broad and tall as ever. He looked tired, his breathing a little heavy and that eye of his its telling red tone, but healthy as the day he was born.

“Those siren songs make ya simple? Face off the oldes’ gotdamn monster in the galaxy and my first mate nearly goes overboard. Blast me for a fool! Were ya even thinkin’?”

I blinked rapidly. He was covered in a mist of blue blood, a clean outline where my body had shielded his off white shirt and the left lapel of his trench coat. Looking down at myself I saw the same blue blood staining my skin, appearing black in the red light.

When I didn’t have some witty retort, yellow light bathed the room. I didn’t dare look up, I didn’t need his pity. Instead I turned my hands over and over again. The reality of what had happened dawned on me.

We stood in a cutting silence long enough for the thudding of the crew’s feet on the main deck to slow their urgent speed, we must have gotten to safety, and long enough still to deduce what the inaudible, hushed conversations were about.

“Sirens tempt ya —”

"Sirens tempt you with what you want most," I cut him off, "usually who you want most.”

“Ya c’aint control a crew’s gossip.” I exaggerated his accent as I paraphrased what I knew he was going to say.

“Aye.”

“An’ a gossipin’ crew ‘s hard to control.”

“Aye.”

“An’ what’s more to gossip about that is outta control than that crew’s first mate fantasizin’ about that crew’s cap'n’ without a single soul knowin’ ‘sides maybe – they says – the cap’n hisself.”

A bassy sigh, “Aye.”

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like crying. Humiliation. Violation. My most coveted secret had been pulled out of me against my will and put on display in a grotesque show for thirty odd men. Pirates were not so against homosexuals as the English were, but the chain of command amongst wolves was a delicate thing, favoritism could not be had, imagined or not.

“What did y’all see? Exactly?” I stole a quick read of his face; embarrassment and... guilt?

Silver sighed and sat down on the steps, effectively blocking the exit with his hulking frame, “They seized upon us quick. Suppose that’s why all you gots out was my name, you were the first one to notice ‘em, first one to sense trouble. Soon enough the crew was crawling down the rafters to get a better look. Lucky this old hunk of hardware leaves a ringing in my head if I ain’t tinkered with it in a few moons,” he tapped the gears that had replaced the right side of his head and forced a dry laugh.

My lips pressed into a straight line.

“As I bark orders I realize none of the crew’s movin’. Not a one. And my first mate sure as hell woulda made those sea calves run to their mommas for disobeying an order. I look down from the helm to see all eyes on ya, and you're runnin’ along the railin’ shoutin’ at one of them creatures, and by t’under it looks like what ol’ Long John sees in the mirror.” He meets my eyes, scratching the back of his neck before looking away, “I tried to make it to ya before it got worse, orderin’ them to man the cannons before they lost their head’s too, seein' as the resta dem monsters were clamberin' the sides, but I reckon those boys saw enough when you were standing on that rail, hand in hand, speakin’ to me — it,” Silver hastily corrected himself, “in that sweet talkin’ voice we’ve all heard you use on a wench or two at port.”

I was shaking now. My nervous system was on overdrive.

If they had all seen that, there was no way I could remain on this vessel. They’d leave me with the next civilization we came to and then what would I do? I’d sailed under Flint for ten years. Under Silver for five. Fifteen years was a long time to know a man.

Who was I without Silver?

The fact I was even asking myself that question was enough to send me over the edge. I stood back up with such speed it startled Silver to his feet. I planned to march past him with so much gusto that he would step aside. I could outrun this feeling.

I could.

“Easy there, where ya off to in such a hurry?” His paw stopped me in my tracks, open palm colliding with my chest.

“Don’t.” I grabbed his wrist, my fingers barely making it halfway around.

“You saw the whole thing, that should be explanation enough. Don’t play the fucking good guy just cause you pity me. I’m not your pet.” I spat.

"Not gonna keel haul ya for a fantasy, boy-o, but ya got some explainin’ to do.” He ripped his arm out of my grasp.

He'd been down playing his anger this whole time.

That scarlet glow fell over my face, and this time I glared straight into it. I thought I could feel the warmth of the laser scanning over each of my features. To my surprise, his face softened into an unreadable look.

“By the stars,” Silver whispered, “you’ve never been a pet.”

Suddenly that anger was never anger at all. It was pain that I had inflicted when I mistook sympathy for pity, when I had turned the person who cared about me the most, the man who’d fought beside me time and time again, into someone cruel and ugly in the recess of my mind.

I could hate myself for it. I could add it to the list of reasons I don’t deserve to be loved so freely, but that’s what got me into this mess.

So instead I embrace him. I rest my head on his belly as he towers over me, stiff and stunned, as I begin to sob. My hot tears pool into his shirt, mingling with the coagulating siren blood and soaking through immediately.

“You don’t have to hug me back.” I choke out between sobs.

His arms wrap around me, “Shh. Shh. Shh. None a that now, don’t be silly.”

I cry harder as I sink into his body. I almost apologize. I almost pull away, but I’m stronger than that. Instead, I press myself closer, and he pets my hair, his biological arm crushing me to him. The smell of leather and gunsmoke and sweat soothes me even more. After a moment I sniffle and clear my throat.

“Why did you turn my head away?” I spoke into his shirt.

“Hm?”

“When you shot the siren, you covered my eyes, why?”

I could feel him inhale and hold, the exhale fueling his words.

“I wasn’t about to let ya see the matter get blown outta my skull, real or no. As long as you’re breathin’, I’m with ya. To the very end. Don’t ya think otherwise.”