#captain robau

Who remembers U.S.S. Kelvin crew mini-profiles from the Intel website in 2009?

Facts about Captain Robau

This was a long-running thread on TrekBBS in 2008-2009, a riff on the "Facts about Chuck Norris" meme. And it had some gems (thanks to all TrekBBS members who participated):

The Kelvin's shields aren't for keeping weapons out... they're for keeping Robau in.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Captain Robau.

Spock is constantly shouting in "The Cage" because he can't hear his own voice over the sound of how awesome Captain Robau is.

Sisko and Picard are arent really bald. They just want to be like Captain Robau

The Kelvin doesn't need two warp nacelles to create a symmetrical warp field. Captain Robau simply wills it to happen.

That God head thing in Star Trek V wasn't exiled to the center of the galaxy he went to hide from Captain Robau

That Borg didn't open a gateway to fluidic space to assimilate species 8472 they did to get away from Captain Robau

Captain Robau doesn't sleep. He waits.

Captain Robau doesn't use the transporter. He just leaps down to the surface.

The new Enterprise is being built on the ground because Captain Robau plans to lift it into orbit

Captain Robau can kill two stones with one bird.

When Capt. Robau was born, the only one in the room crying was the Doctor. Never slap Capt. Robau.

Captain Robau does simply walk into Mordor.

Captain Robau doesn't do pushups. He pushed the planet down and then pulls it back up.

In space, Captain Robau can hear you scream.

Captain Robau is hung like a Horsehead Nebula.

Captain Robau once used a crowbar to destroy Ceti Alpha VI. That crowbar later found its way to Black Mesa.

Captain Robau is immune to entropy.

When Captain Robau makes love, he causes a quantum singularity.

Captain Robau's bald scalp is considered an aphrodisiac in...oh, what's that place called? OH. Right.

The universe.

Zod kneels before Robau.

Captain Robau got drunk one night and relieved himself out in the desert. The spot in the desert is now known as the Grand Canyon.

Captain Robau CAN beam through raised shields.

A supernova didn't destroy Romulus, Robau did!

Robau doesn't wear sun screen. The Sun wears Robau screen.

The Great Bird of the Galaxy is the name given to Captain Robau's cock.

Captain Robau was deeply surprised that in VOY: “Threshold” everyone who went at warp 10 didn’t evolve into him. Then he realised, even at their most evolved potential, the Voyager crew are no match for Captain Robau.

Captain Robau never went to Starfleet Academy. He just showed up one day and flew the Kelvin out of spacedock. No one had the balls to question him.

Captain Robau decided to take up pottery one day. He named the result The Guardian of Forever.

Captain Robau told Pluto to fuck off and stop being a planet. It did.

Q used to have a proper name but Captain Robau slapped him so hard he forgot it.

The great barrier exists to protect the other galaxies from Captain Robau.

Stardate 0000.1 was the moment Captain Robau was born.

Sha Ka Ree is Vulcan for Captain Robau.

What does Captain Robau use for a condom?

Tribute: Captain Richard Robau

(Face claim: Faran Tahir)

Unknown Age