#cantbreath

Trying not to cough while watching five feet apart in a full cinema because you don’t want people to think your just coughing because they are but in reality you just can’t breath but my brain is so trained to fear that people will think I’m faking that I’m now dizzy and light headed because I couldn’t breath properly for the duration of the movie.

I hate the face that I have Soo many people trying to control my life. Like where I go what I do who I go see. Like what I do in my free time without my kid.. it's getting exhausting. And I can't handle any of it. I'm so sick of not doing things good enough for them. And I'm so done with just having to live my life for them. I want to disappear more than I ever have lately. It's so hard to just stay in the present moment cuz of how they are with me. Which really sucks is that their family too. Oh and my baby daddy too. They all just make me feel like I'm not sure of what I'm doing. That I can't be trusted alone they have to tell me step by step what to do. I don't fucking get it. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME LIVE MT LIFE. IM 31 FUCKING YEARS OLD I CANT DO IT BY MYSELF IM A BIG FUCKING GIRL. Sorry... I just. ... Any time I think about death it's because of them. They don't get 2 fucks less either which is sooo amazing. I need to just pack a bag and fucking leave be done. I can't handle this much longer. I want to relapse and not come back from it. Someone give me a big bag of meth and a fucking needle. Cuz I'm too weak and can't handle this bullshit. I'm done I give up... Fuck this and everyone else. . I can't breath so why not just fuck it.